Jellybean Penguins (autobiography)

To whoever reading this I just want to say that youre in for the
weirdest of autobiographies ever created. Well, probably not. But still, due to
the fact that I have no idea what Im typing here and Im just going with the
flow and its afternoon, and I havent still eaten a decent lunch, Im betting
my ass of that this wont be normal.
So where are we again? Oh yes, my autobiography. Well I dont really
have anything interesting about me, or so I thought. It all started on a cold
December night, when my mom and pops decided to get on with it and stay
the night. Like alchemists of ancient magical times they bring forth the
ultimate creation of life filled with their love and sincerity, but this are bad
times here, bad omens infected the child but just barely. Anyway! They
brought upon the earth a child who shared their treasured values and also
their imperfections. And the imaginary spirits gathered around the newborn
child and spoke. Thy mother is hard working, but youre not. Hey, dont
worry. You got her eyes, and her kind heart, but not her brave heart, no you
didnt. And as irritating as it may seem the kind spirits spoke again. Thy
father is! Well, Thy father is not like your mother; unfortunately youre more
like him. We were supposed to say to you what kind of a person he is. But
no we wont, for you will know; oh who are we kidding, were doing it for fun!
Good luck to you and just like that, the spirits were gone and its touch down
back to earth.
The little kid grew to be named after the great warrior of Pakistan, a
shadow in the night, a jellybean in the morning. His name was, Yuseph Crispe
Danger A. Sanaani. How frightening. As he grows up he learned the basics
of society and how to mingle with others. Then he understood that the world
is messed up. His arms and legs as a teenager were surprisingly thin and
average for his large head. Hey, arent we going to fast here? Well, Ill take it
slow then. And wait, what was that? Its too weird to understand? Not my
fault there, just kidding, ok Ill wind it down. Im Yuseph Crispe A. Sanaani,
Im currently 17 years of age, Im single and fertile, wait that was a joke, and
no Im not sterile Im really fertile. Well, moving on. As a kid Id always look
up at the sky and ask myself that there must be something more than this
life, this place. A place named Isabela City, Basilan where mr.Danger here
brought havoc and despair when he was born on September 22, 1997. A
place where his mother the great immortal queen Adeliza A. Sanaani laid
kindness to the neighbors and the uncanny Mr. Abdul S. Sanaani had a lucky
strike on Mrs. Sanaani here. Oh, did you know that thy mrs.Sanaani here
works as a teacher in the Lamitan High School of wizardry and debauchery?
And mr.Sanaani works as a simple yet dedicated member of the Department
of Education faculty of dragon slayers? Well I bet that didnt surprise you.
And as days goes by and as this autobiography goes by and as my hunger as

Im currently working on this autobiography goes by, I decided to share one

of my most deepest and darkest secret, I was born on the great Immortal
tribe of warriors that gets its strength from sheer faith, the immortal tribe of
the Tausug people, and alongside this is my way of life, the religion of Islam.
And alongside my religion Im going to share some of little secrets too. I do
not know the age and birthday of my great immortal parents, but I do love
them. Theyre awesome. I do not know what debauchery is and I have just
mentioned it earlier. I do not know who you are, but I do know that our
professor will read this, and I hope he wont be angry. And lastly I dont know
when will this end so I guess Ill share some more things about me then. I
love eating tasty foods that bursts with flavor in my mouth, I like playing my
games, deadly games. Im just joking, theyre just typical computer stuffs
and game console stuffs. And oh, I hate cockroaches, Id burn the Garden of
Eden if I found one there. And yes Im a random thinker so Im going to talk
about my Education now, which I found, well. I found it extremely normal. I
took my kindergarten days on the prestigious school of Isabela City
Elementary Pilot School, and no they do not teach aviation there. And as I
grew up, I noticed that my skin is turning to the colors of green and well, just
green. And Im also developing nasty tentacles and an antenna in my
buttocks, yes. Im becoming an alien, and just like my alien friends that I met
in elementary which was in the galactic and for the asians only Isabela East
Central Elementary School I was learning new things and making mistakes
just like our fore fathers before us did. Like how love hurts, how a painful a
dog bites, and what it feels like to see a woman the way men older than us
do.
Randomly saying again, it was my dream of being a damn great healer
of the medical profession. I wanted to save lives, like those of my father and
mothers. I wanted to be a good son to them, because I love them as much
as they love me, and thats what matters, and also I just got my previous
words from this local drama on a cheap television channel, well who cares
anyway. The point is, to access my quest to be a healer Ive got to change
level and explore another place, here in the magical city of Zamboanga filled
with people and teenage girls who just cant get enough of Korean boy
groups and that creature named Bieber. But that didnt stop me for reaching
out my dreams, as I slay every creep and loot every chest along the way, as I
made my way to the great Western Mindanano State University of various
professions and students who wants to make a college debut, I have also
met other aliens and made contact with them with our ancient language, and
way of talking. Many friendships were made many bottles of unhealthy soda
drinks were disposed improperly. I was living the life. We played sports like
basketball, I sucked. I tried to court some of the humans, but I was rejected
because I was green, well until now, perhaps, maybe, Ill be lucky this time.
And as much as I wanted to share the romantic side of my life, I find it unfair
that the fact you, who are reading this wont even share yours. But I guess
thats fine. And yes, did you know Im quite forgetful? I dont really

remember some of the things and details revolving my life when I was still in
kindergarten, or when I was in elementary, even in high school. Gosh, what a
bummer.
And now, where are we again? Oh, college. Im currently on the 2nd
year of my studies of being a healer here. Never really thought that studying
to save people would be this hard, I guess if I would see myself many years
from now with enough bravery, stamina, and flexibility and money, and
sleep. Ill be a full-blown action packed doctor of the arcane arts of healing
that study about the psychology of the mind and body or what they call here
in this blasted planet a psychiatrist. Ill build with my money powers a
stronghold of my dreams, where me and my family would live, and Ill live
there for the rest of my days pondering if I should have taken computer
science instead to build my very own robot, but nah, I wont. Wait, do
computer science people build robots? Anyway, I also see myself building a
great castle for my loving mother and father, where their servants have
servants, where there are bath tubs inside the bath tubs, and food is made of
gold. In short I see myself having a good life with my family in many years to
come, and that many years to come, wont come if I didnt pumped up
myself and work hard. Though I have faith, I also have alien friends, and they
are the ones that make ones life worth living.
So goodbye to you reader, and may you have a good life filled with
adventures and random stuffs. And may this random autobiography help you
fill your pot of humor and give you a sparkling smirk in your face. I dont
know how to end this so Ill just end it with a quote from me. The stars are
starting to fall, and so am I, for I am really hungry.

My Mother (cool story)

My mother is, well she is a monster. A woman with monstrous beauty
and kindness, a monstrous smile, a monstrous laugh; well not monstrous
more like a manly one, but either way she is that exception of every flaw that
I have in me, she is that someone I will love to run an errand for, she is
without a doubt my kryptonite. Except that Im not superman, Im more of a
spider person. Anyway! On the last 17 years? Holy nutballs Im that old
already; She has been loving me like she always does and Im there just
being me and whatever does being me means no one freaking knows
exactly even me. I dont even know when I would finish if I would put my
feelings towards her into characters with my flashy typing skills, so I would
just say whatever comes into my mind whenever I think of her.
She has smelly toes. Of that Im certain. But I dont hate them, not at
all. My taste in the food that I eat was also really her fault. I mean, come on.
Her cooking is so tasty; I wondered where our jar of pepper went just a few
moments ago, though I didnt mind them too. No it didnt. Shes also fond of
making these sour and clich jokes that most of the time would just make
me laugh with my poker face on, but I didnt mind those jokes too; if thats
what you call those. Shes tiny and shes plump, but I love those numbers,
yes I do. She would often scold me for my laziness in taking care of myself,
its not that Im not embarrassed to say these, but well, too bad Im not.
Shes that type of a person who just values her principles in life maybe a
little too much, though I dont hate that about her too, shes totally my
complete opposite, though she affects me in many ways than she can ever
thought, maybe its that connection between a mother and her child that lets
me feel what she feels the way she reaches out to mine. She is a generous
person and she is also a dedicated teacher that loves her job. I remember
how she would often tell me stuffs that happened at her school. And I would
just stare at her sparkling eyes not knowing that I myself was already smiling
too, feeling the happiness and warmth she always bring to us at home, even
though she reeks of the smell of chalk and sweat from the long trips she
takes just to home from the school where she works.
My mother is a symbol of valor, honesty, love, respect, and theres so
much to say about her, Id rather have her called superwoman for short, and
I believe any daughter or son would feel the same way as I do, what differs is
the way and strength of this feeling is. For I am empty without my mother, all
of me is everything she does, and everything she felt. What I am now, is
basically just me driving my way through life, Ive had some bumps, some
scratches, oh yes. But I am well, for she never let me stray too far from the
right side of the rode. She was always there ready to listen to my thoughts

and ideas, always supporting me, and smiles at me, with her beautiful eyes
and that sincere smile that would beat even the brightest sunrise and
saddest sunsets. She was and will always be, my first love, the apple of my
heart.
And now that mothers day is approaching, I just wish that I could whip
up something special for her, Im thinking of a cake or maybe just a plain
dinner date with her, or maybe we should go to the movies, and just buy
popcorns and stuff, we can also take a walk on the park, or just stay at home
sharing stories of the things that happened to us in the days that passed. It
doesnt matter, as long as we are together, what could matter even more.
And as I look back and see and feel everything she had done for me
before, I would continue to share her love for her family, I would become a
great parent like her, and her dreams for me, as she has always told me
before a dozen of times, will all become true. For a mother that doesnt
waver on the slightest kind of challenge, I salute myself, and may our bond
as mother and son will always be as it has been before, a promised from
God. I love you my mother, Mrs. Adeliza A. Sanaani.

Cats (a non-professional guide)

What are cats? Well how should I know Im not a vet, nor a cat
professional or something now am I? All I know is that I love them and here
are some of the things I have fished on the internet about them.
Well they say that Cats are the most popular pet in the United
States.There are 88 million pet cats and 74 million dogs and also there are
cats who have survived falls from over 32 stories (320 meters) onto
concrete, wow thats cool. And did you know that a group of cats is called
a clowder? Well I didnt, and to weirdly follow that up; cats have over 20
muscles that control their ears, sleep 70% of their lives and a cat also has
been mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, for 15 years! His name is Stubbs. One ran
for mayor of Mexico City in 2013.
Candigato Facebook: candigato.morris.9
In tigers and tabbies, the middle of the tongue is covered in backwardpointing spines, used for breaking off and gripping meat and when
cats grimace, they are usually taste-scenting. They have an extra organ
that, with some breathing control, allows the cats to taste-sense the air,
didnt understand this, but anyhow, moving on. Cats cant taste sweetness
and owning a cat can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack by a third,
also wikipedia has a recording of a cat meowing because, well. Why not?
The worlds largest cat measured 48.5 inches long. Evidence suggests
domesticated cats have been around since 3600 B.C., 2,000 years before
Egypts pharaohs. A cats purr may be a form of self-healing, as it can be a
sign of nervousness as well as contentment. Similarly, the frequency of a
domestic cats purr is the same at which muscles and bones repair
themselves. Adult cats only meow to communicate with humans. The worlds
richest cat is worth $13 million after his human passed away and left her
fortune to him, lucky bastard. And did you know that your cat recognizes
your voice but just acts too cool to care (probably because they are). Cats
are often lactose intolerant, so stop giving them milk! And basically all
cartoon cats lied to us: Raw fish is off the table for cats as well. The oldest
cat video on YouTube dates back to 1894 (when it was made, not when it was
uploaded, duh). In the 1960s, the CIA tried to turn a cat into a bonafide spy
by implanting a microphone into her ear and a radio transmitter at the base

of her skull. She somehow survived the surgery but got hit by a taxi on her
first mission.
The technical term for hairball is bezoar. Female cats are typically rightpawed while male cats are typically left-pawed. Cats make more than 100
different sounds whereas dogs make around 10. A cats brain is 90% similar
to a humans more similar than to a dogs. Cats and humans have nearly
identical sections of the brain that control emotion.
A cats cerebral cortex (the part of the brain in charge of cognitive
information processing) has 300 million neurons, compared with a dogs 160
million. Cats have a longer-term memory than dogs, especially when they
learn by actually doing rather than simply seeing. Basically, cats have a
lower social IQ than dogs but can solve more difficult cognitive problems
when they feel like it. Cats have 1,000 times more data storage than an iPad.
It was illegal to slay cats in ancient Egypt, in large part because they
provided the great service of controlling the rat population. In the 15th
century, Pope Innocent VIII began ordering the killing of cats, pronouncing
them demonic. A cat has five toes on his front paws, and four on the back,
unless hes a polydactyl. Polydactyl cats are also referred to as Hemingway
cats because the author was so fond of them. There are 45 Hemingway
cats living at the authors former home in Key West, Fla.
Original kitty litter was made out of sand but it was replaced by more
absorbent clay in 1948. Abraham Lincoln kept four cats in the White House.
When asked if her husband had any hobbies, Mary Todd Lincoln is said to
have replied cats. Isaac Newton is credited with inventing the cat door.
wifflegif.com
One legend claims that cats were created when a lion on Noahs Ark sneezed
and two kittens came out. A cat can jump up to six times its length. A house cat
is faster than Usain Bolt. When cats leave their poop uncovered, it is a sign of
aggression to let you know they dont fear you. Cats can change their meow to
manipulate a human. They often imitate a human baby when they need food, for

example. Cats use their whiskers to detect if they can fit through a space.
Cats only sweat through their foot pads.
itdoesfloat.tumblr.com
The first cat in space was French. She was named Felicette, or
Astrocat. She survived the trip. Cats have free-floating clavicle bones that
attach their shoulders to their forelimbs, which allow them to squeeze
through very small spaces. Hearing is the strongest of cats senses: They can

hear sounds as high as 64 kHz compared with humans, who can hear only
as high as 20 kHz.
Cats can move their ears 180 degrees. They can also move their
ears separately. A cat has detected his humans breast cancer. A cats nose
is ridged with a unique pattern, just like a human fingerprint.
Flickr: 39952962@N00
Cats have scent glands along their tail, their forehead, lips, chin, and
the underside of their front paws. A cat rubs against people to mark
its territory. Cats lick themselves to get your scent off. When a family
cat died in ancient Egypt, family members would shave off their eyebrows as
they mourned. They also had elaborate memorials that
included mummifying the cat and either burying it in a family tomb or pet
cemetery. Cats were mythic symbols of divinity in ancient Egypt. Black
cats are bad luck in the United States, but they are good luck in the United
Kingdom and Australia.
Most cats dont like water because their coats do not insulate them
well enough. However, a cat called the Turkish Van does not have that
insulation problem and LOVES it. The Egyptian Mau is the oldest breed of cat.
This breed is also the fastest pedigreed cat. The Egyptian word for cat is, in
fact, mau.
imgur.com
Only 11.5% of people consider themselves cat people. Cat people
are also 11% more likely to be introverted. Still, cat people are more open to
new experiences than typical dog people. Cat owners who are male tend to
be luckier in love, as they are perceived as more sensitive. Cat owners
are 17% more likely to have a graduate degree. Cat people are 25% likely to
pick George as their favorite Beatle. A catsimgur.com
carbon footprint is similar to that
of a VW Bug, whereas a dogs is more like a Hummer. When your cat brings
home a dead mouse or bird, it may do so to show you that you suck
at hunting.
Cats have inferior daytime sight, but during the night they need seven
times less light than humans to see. The largest litter of kittens
produced 19 kittens. Eighty-eight percent of cats in the U.S. are spayed or
neutered. Only 24% of cats who enter animal shelters are adopted. Cats are
really cool. They are also very soft. Cats for the win!

Marshall,C. (March 27, 2014). 82 Astounding Facts About Cats. Retrieved from
http://www.buzzfeed.com/chelseamarshall/meows#.plVkOLbEz

Well thats all folks! Those were all the interesting stuff about cats that
you should only be aware of. Stuff such as their origins is too boring. Well got
to go Bub! The world awaits!
Assesment
SD: client
verbalized
pang-apat na
anak ko nap o
ito
OD: client is
G4P3A0
Bp: 110/80
Wt: 48.5 kg
Ht: 150 cm

Nursing DX
Knowledge
deficit related
to high risk
pregnancy

Planning

Intervention

Rationale

After 8 hrs. of
nursing
intervention the
client will be
able to identify
and acquire
knowledge that
she needs
related to high
risk pregnancy

Ascertain
clients
knowledge of or
understanding
of condition and
treatment
needs

So that she can

make informed
decisions about
managing selfcare

Helps to frame
Asses and assist or focus
client to identify content to be
learning goals
learned and
provides
measures to
evaluate
learning process
Identify/provide
information in
Use of multiple
varied formats
formats
appropriate to
increases
clients learning learning
style.
retention of
materials
Identify
available
community
resources/suppo Provides
rt groups
additional
opportunities
for role
modeling, skill,
training,

anticipatory,
problems
solving and so
forth.

NURSING CARE PLAN

SCHEDULE SUMMARY

Republic of the Philippines

Western Mindanao State University
COLLEGE OF Nursing

M - ENGLISH 3 (12:30PM-3:30PM), HEALTH ED(4:00PM7:00PM)

Zamboanga City

T- INFO(8:00AM-11:00AM), ENGLISH 3 (12:30PM-3:30PM),

HEALTH ED(4:00PM-7:00PM)

INDIVIDUAL DAILY PROGRAM

W - INFO(8:00AM-11:00AM), ENGLISH 3 (12:30PM-

Summer, S.Y. 2014-2015

3:30PM), HEALTH ED(4:00PM-7:00PM)

TH -

F-

INFO (LAB) 8:00AM-12:00PM, 12:30PM-5:30PM

S-

Name: Sanaani,Yuseph Crispe A.

Academic Rank:_________________________

Educational Qualification: __________________

Major Assignment: __________________________

C O N TAC T

HOURS

CLASS SCHEDULE

A
REGULAR SUBJECTS

OVERLOAD

TIME

ROOM

R
S

SUBJECT ID

SUBJECT

BSN3148
44

ENGLISH
3

BSN3147
63

HEALTH
ED

INSTRUCTOR

NO. OF
STUDS

SUBJECT
ID

SUBJECT

INSTRUCTOR

NO. OF
STUDS

12:30PM
-3:30PM
4:00PM7:00PM

CN 204

3
3

BSN3141
79

INFO

8:00AM11:00AM

BSN3148
44

ENGLISH
3

12:30PM
-3:30PM

BSN3147
63

HEALTH
ED

BSN3141
79

CN 204

4:00PM7:00PM

INFO

8:00AM11:00AM

BSN3148
44

ENGLISH
3

12:30PM
-3:30PM

BSN3147
63

HEALTH
ED

BSN3148
03

INFO
(LAB)

CN 204

3
3

4:00PM7:00PM

TH

MR.DANRIE
DUARTE

8:00AM12:00PM

NE 25
9

12:30PM
-5:30PM
S
Sub total
Number of Courses Enrolled

Prepared by:
SANAANI, YUSEPH CRISPE A.
STUDENT

Sub Total

33