COMMUNITY

"Reintroduction to Futurism"
By
Not Dan Harmon

notdanharmon@gmail.com

COLD OPEN
INT. STUDY ROOM - DAY (DAY 1)
CLOSE ON the CLOCK. PULL BACK to reveal JEFF, ANNIE,
SHIRLEY, TROY, and BRITTA constructing 1980s-style
outfits. PIERCE is present, but not participating. Britta
and Troys outfits complement each other.
BRITTA
Troy, the pocket protectors are a
nice touch. Very 80s.
TROY
(lying)
Yeah, THATS why Im including them
and not because theyre an awesome
way to hold pencils.
JEFF
It makes no sense that 80s parties
are popular during an era where
EVERYTHING is a throwback to the
80s. Its like having an
all-argyle party at Cornell.
ANNIE
(protesting too much)
Yeah, the Ivy Leagues not so
great.
PIERCE
I, for one, am excited. I havent
been to an 80s party since 1992.
(off their reactions)
My friends werent very "with it."
TROY
So why arent you making a costume?
PIERCE
Please, I have everything I need at
home in my garage.
SHIRLEY
I gave all my clothes from back
then to the church. Somewhere,
theres an underprivileged youth in
parachute pants.

2.

TROY
Annie, pass the TRON tape?
ANNIE
(throwing blue glow-tape)
Hey, wheres Abed?
ABED enters and sits.
ABED
Hey, guys. Finishing up your
outfits for Magnitudes party?
JEFF
Magnitude. Of COURSE the 80s
party is being thrown by a
seventeen-year-old.
BRITTA
Media-exposed young people have a
desire to experience what they see
on TV.
ANNIE
Abed, where were you?
ABED
Waiting outside the door so I could
enter right when someone asked
where I was, like in sitcoms. I
also would have accepted two people
making out who wouldnt want me to
KNOW they were making out.
BRITTA
Abed, are you sure you werent
hiding from that Wilson guy?
TROY
From Home Improvement? You cant
hide from him. Hes ALL EYES.
BRITTA
No, Abed has a bully.
ANNIE
Abed, be careful. Remember,
identifying tropes isnt a
superpower.
Enter DEAN PELTON in a skimpy MAILMANS outfit.

3.

DEAN PELTON
Special Dean-livery! Tomorrow
night, the MALE
(throws MAIL in the air)
ENHANCEMENT experts at ENGORGITE
are sponsoring a 50s-themed
ENHANCEMENT UNDER THE SEA dance!
ABED
BACK TO THE FUTURE meets a lack of
taste.
JEFF
Are you kidding? Who has a
50s-themed dance?
DEAN PELTON
People trying very HARD to come up
with puns, Jeffrey, thank you very
much.
ANNIE
Sorry, Dean. We already told
Magnitude wed go to his 80s
party.
DEAN PELTON
Oh, I understand.
(gathering letters)
I knew I should have gone with a
play on the word "package." On the
nose is what they want.
Dean Pelton exits.
ABED
80s party. 50s
party. "Enhancement Under the
Sea." This all seems to be
pointing toward...
JEFF
DONT say it.
Long beat as Abed holds his tongue.
FADE OUT.
END OF COLD OPEN

4.

ACT ONE
INT. MAGNITUDES HOUSE - NIGHT (DAY 2)
Troy and Britta dance to synth-pop in their matching
outfits, among other 80s clad Greendale students.
KITCHEN AREA
Annie watches Troy and Britta, lovingly.
various modern kitchen APPLIANCES.

Abed points to

ABED
Anachronism. Anachronism.
Anachronism. Anachronism.
ANNIE
Abed, look at Troy and Britta. Do
you think tonight could be the
night they finally become a couple?
ABED
It has to be. Theyre in Chandler
and Monica beta couple limbo. Too
close to a relationship to go on
being friends, but not yet in a
relationship. BUT if a party like
this doesnt seal the deal, they
might both give up on it.
ANNIE
You mean if theyre not a couple by
the end of the night, they never
will be?
ABED
Right, and they also wont be
friends. The study group will have
to take sides, and eventually
dissolve.
ANNIE
(not buying it)
Okay, Abed. I dont think the fate
of all of our friendships lies in
Troy and Britta hooking up tonight.
ABED
Probably not. I suppose Ive been
wrong in my analyses of the study
group before.

5.
Annie considers that and suddenly becomes fearful.
ANNIE
Lets make a pact. If we see them
separate, we nudge them back
together. Okay?
ABED
Theres nothing we can do.
(self-consciously significant)
It would be dangerous to manipulate
their future.
ANNIE
Try to think of this as BACK TO THE
FUTURE PART III, where that isnt
as much of an issue.
HALLWAY
Jeff stands behind MAGNITUDE in line for the bathroom.
PARTYGOER finishes up.

PARTYGOER 1
All yours, Magnitude.
MAGNITUDE
(like "pop pop")
Poop poop!
JENNIFER (early 40s), attractive-in-a-librarian-way, gets
in line behind Jeff.
JENNIFER
Jeff Winger.
JEFF
Hi. Youre saying my name
familiarly, but I dont recognize
you, so Im going to go out on a
limb and say I know I dont deserve
a second chance, but Ive changed.
JENNIFER
No. We went to high school
together. Jennifer
Tannenbaum? Im here visiting my
friend, Michelle.
Oh my God.
different.

JEFF
Jennifer.

You look so

6.

JENNIFER
You might be remembering my giant
headgear.
JEFF
(remembering, horrified)
Right.
(backtracking)
I mean, I barely ever noticed
it. Hey, whatever it did, it
worked.
DANCE FLOOR
Shirley busts a move with some BEAT BOYS. The boys start
breakdancing, which is out of Shirleys arena. Another BEAT
BOY approaches her with a plate of BROWNIES.
BEAT BOY
Yo, Shirls. You get down with the
best of em.
SHIRLEY
Oh, I was a 1980s youth once as
well.
(re: brownies)
Did you make those?
BEAT BOY
You know it. Have one.
SHIRLEY
I didnt think Id ever have so
much in common with someone wearing
sunglasses indoors.
She bites into the brownie.
SHIRLEY
Damn, thats good. Wait.
are just brownies, right?

These

BEAT BOY
Grandmas recipe.
EXT. MAGNITUDES DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
A silver 1986 Cadillac Eldorado pulls up behind the
house. The vanity plate reads "STRTSAHD." Pierce steps
out, wearing a WHITE SUIT that is a little too small on him.

7.

INT. MAGNITUDES HOUSE - NIGHT

On the sidelines of the dance floor, Abed eyes Troy.
ABED
You should be dancing with Britta.
TROY
She went to get a drink.
ABED
You should help her.
TROY
I think she can handle it.
Abed is confused.
ABED
Am I being too subtle?
KITCHEN AREA
Britta has found Annie.
BRITTA
So, earlier, Troy was like, "why
dont comedians ever talk about
peanuts that ARENT on
airplanes? Are peanuts not funny
on land?" So I said...
ANNIE
Hey, you should get back to
him. Hes probably waiting.
BRITTA
Dont you want to hear this,
though?
ANNIE
(unenthused)
Of course.
Pierce sidles into the conversation.
PIERCE
Hello, ladies. How would you like
to see the coolest car from the
1980s?

8.

ANNIE
Maybe on the way out, Pierce.
PIERCE
Well, then, Im not looking at your
tight pants.
DANCE FLOOR SIDELINES
Troy and Abed are still waiting.
ABED
Perhaps I was coming on too STRONG.
(relaxed)
Hey, bro. Thats a mad hot chick
you was dancin with. If you aint
gonna tap dat, I will.
TROY
Dude, whats the big deal?
Pierce enters the conversation.
PIERCE
Hey, boys. You guys like cool
cars, dont you?
TROY
If you are talking about the
Batmobile, keep talking.
HALLWAY
Jeff bangs on the bathroom door.
JEFF
Are you okay in there?
MAGNITUDE
(v.o. - in pain)
Plop plop!
Jeff turns to Jennifer.
JEFF
Listen, why dont we go find a
bathroom somewhere else? Like, at
my apartment? Ive got
hand-crafted Italian faucets.

9.

JENNIFER
Michelle invited me here. I dont
think I should leave right away
with some guy I havent seen in
twenty years.
Pierce tries to get down the hallway, but other PARTYGOERS
in line for the bathroom stop him.
PARTYGOER 2
Hey, old man. No cutting.
PIERCE
Im not using the bathroom. I just
have to tell that guy at the front
about my Cadillac.
PARTYGOER 2
Ive heard that one a million
times.
DANCE FLOOR
Shirley dances a little slower than before.
bounces over.
BEAT BOY
Whats hanging, Shirls?
brownie kick in yet?
Kick in?
recipe.

The beat boy

That

SHIRLEY
You said it was Grandmas

BEAT BOY
Yeah. Grandma is the street name
of my dealer. They call her that
because shes an old lady with
grandkids. Of which I am one.
Jeff DRAGS Troy, Abed, and Pierce through the dance floor.
JEFF
(to Shirley)
Come on. Were all going outside
to look at Pierces car for exactly
twelve seconds so that he doesnt
totally ruin my chances of getting
laid tonight.
The men brush past her.

She processes for a moment.

10.

SHIRLEY
(bitter)
Another exciting adventure for
Shirley Bennett, mother of three.
EXT. MAGNITUDES DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
The study group crowds around Pierces car.
PIERCE
A 1986 Cadillac Eldorado.
TROY
This is the opposite of the
Batmobile.
JEFF
Pierce, this is your low
point. You bought a car that was
never cool as part of a costume for
an indoor party. May I go back
inside and pitch woo now?
PIERCE
(defeated)
I guess so.
POLICE SIRENS blare in the distance.
filing out the back entrance.
Oh, no!
here?

PARTYGOERS start

ANNIE
What are the police doing

SHIRLEY
I dont know anything about it.
ABED
(to Annie)
This is not good. No party means a
break in the space-timerelationship continuum.
INT. MAGNITUDES HOUSE - NIGHT
CHAOS among the partygoers. They rush to grab their jackets
and sneak out. LEONARD slips DVDs from Magnitudes shelves
into his coat pockets.

11.

LEONARD
Its the fuzz!
BEAT BOY
The pigs are here!
HALLWAY
Magnitude SWINGS open the bathroom door.
MAGNITUDE
Po po!
DANCE FLOOR
OFFICER CACKOWSKI clears the party.
OFFICER CACKOWSKI
Sorry, fellas. Im afraid youre
just too darn loud. And the snare
is too echoey.
EXT. MAGNITUDES DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
The study group watches the other partygoers scramble.
SHIRLEY
Weve got to escape.
ANNIE
Lets take the Eldorado to the 50s
dance.
JEFF
No! Its just the police. None of
us have done anything wrong.
Look!
lady!

BRITTA
Theyre arresting an old

In the distance, Officer Cackowski has GRANDMA in custody.

PIERCE
Damn ageist cops!
car.
They CRAM in the Eldorado.

Everyone in the

12.

JEFF
We are NOT going to the 50s dance.
ANNIE
Well, Im not luring cops to the
apartment!
SHIRLEY
Just drive, Pierce.
They PEEL OUT past the police car.
EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
Pierce drives like a maniac.
ANNIE
Careful, Pierce!
TROY
Im gonna say this one more
time. I seriously wish you got the
Batmobile!
PIERCE
Ill show you what this thing can
do.
He floors it.
ABED
Lets see if this bastard can do
ninety!
JEFF
Abed, not every lame luxury 80s
car is a time machine! This is not
BACK TO THE FUTURE! No one is
chasing us!
Shirley, in the backseat, stares out the window.
totally calm and enjoying the ride.

Shes

SHIRLEY
So many colors.
The speedometer hits eighty-eight.

Britta grabs Troys arm.

13.

EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT

A banner indicates the Engorgite Enhancement Under the Sea
dance, as does as a GIANT INFLATABLE PHALLIC EEL.
Out of nowhere, the Eldorado PLOWS into the HEAD of the eel,
which slowly DEFLATES.
THE CAR
Everyone is shaken, but unhurt.
PIERCE
Well, here we are in the 50s.
Abed points to the CARPHONE, Brittas leg warmers, then to
Shirley, Troy, and himself as he says:
ABED
Anachronism. Anachronism.
Anachronism. Anachronism.
Anachronism.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE

14.

ACT TWO
EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT (DAY 2)
A GREENDALE STAFF MEMBER reinflates the EEL while another
STAFF MEMBER wipes it down.
The Eldorado is now in the center of the LOT, steaming from
the open hood. The study group, aside from Pierce, stands
around it.
JEFF
The police werent after us. Now
were stuck at this lame dance.
BRITTA
Quit whining. Youre just mad
whatever girl you were after didnt
give you her number yet.
JEFF
Exactly. I was getting somewhere
with Jennifer, I was having trendy
fun, and I was going to go the
whole night without any advances
from...
Dean Pelton, dressed as MARILYN MONROE, interrupts.
Im
all
you
but

DEAN PELTON
so glad you guys made it! You
look Engorgeous! Im not sure
got the period down, exactly,
hey, Im not complaining.

He places a hand on Jeffs abdominals, then walks back

toward the cafeteria.
JEFF
I hope to God its no ones
birthday.
Pierce emerges from underneath the Eldorado.
PIERCE
Well, the cars busted.
TROY
What did you just do down there?

15.

PIERCE
I fit my whole body under it, like
in movies.
Jeff receives a text message.

He looks at his phone.

JEFF
Guys! The 80s party moved to
Leonards house. Im sure we can
fix this car if we all work
together.
But when he looks up from the phone, everyone but Pierce has
vanished.
PIERCE
They all went inside. But Ill
help. I got a B in auto repair.
JEFF
Ill call a cab.
INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT
Troy, Britta, Abed, Annie, and Shirley move through the
crowd of somewhat UNPOPULAR 50s clad Greendale STUDENTS.
TROY
(to Britta)
I can think of tons of funny things
about land peanuts. Like, why do
circus peanuts have shells? Are
they afraid of clowns? I am.
BRITTA
(not into it)
Hey, Troy. I read on Al Jazeera
that Libya is testing out
autonomous rule. Isnt that great?
TROY
As long as "autonomous" doesnt
mean robots.
BRITTA
Im going to go get some
punch. Ill be right back.
She goes to the punch table. Shirley wanders off as well,
high as a kite. Annie pulls Abed aside.

16.
ANNIE
Abed, Troy and Britta are growing
apart. What do we do?
ABED
The uptight 50s atmosphere brings
out the worst in both of
them. Theyre free spirits at
heart. They need to get back...
(pointing at camera)
...to the more fun party!
ANNIE
Okay. Its up to us to keep them
away from anyone else until Jeff
and Pierce fix the Eldorado.
ABED
This really is playing out a lot
like BACK TO THE FUTURE, and almost
exactly the opposite of the
INSPECTOR SPACETIME episode "Ahead
to the Past," itself a latter
season BENJAMIN BUTTON homage.
EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT
Jeff and Pierce sit in the busted Eldorado, Jeff on his
phone.
JEFF
What do you mean, you wont send a
cab from Greendale to
Leonards? How do you even know
Leonard? Hello?
He hangs up.
PIERCE
Greendale Taxi is a picky
company. They once refused to pick
up twenty clowns I hired for my
nephews birthday.
(incredulous)
Said they wouldnt fit.
JEFF
No. Ten to one the dean is behind
this. Sit tight.
Jeff exits toward the cafeteria, leaving Pierce alone. He
sits patiently for a moment, then picks up the carphone.

17.

PIERCE
Look at me. Im Jeff Winger.
like to use the telephone.

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT

From afar, Annie and Abed watch Britta, whos talking to the
rare HANDSOME MAN in the room.
ANNIE
Oh no! The only attractive guy at
this dance is talking to Britta.
ABED
Ill handle it.
Great.

ANNIE
Ill find Troy.

Annie walks off. Abed is stopped by WILSON (20s), the

bully. Hes big, but kind of dorky. Slick 50s attire.
WILSON
Hey, Nadir. Way to dress like its
the 50s. Wait. Dont tell
me. You and your little friends
are playing Back to the Future.
ABED
So what if we are?
WILSON
Well, play it somewhere else. Me
and MY friends are playing season
one of Mad Men.
A gang that looks like something between the study group and
the cast of Mad Men gathers around Wilson.
WILSON
Now, theres only room for one
genre-savvy pop culture savant at
this dance. So make like an actual
person, and walk away from this
unhealthy conversation.
Abed does, toward Britta.

18.

ELSEWHERE IN THE CAFETERIA

Troy talks to a cute brunette WOMAN (early 20s).
WOMAN
If anything, theyd be afraid of
the elephants, because elephants
EAT peanuts.
TROY
(mind blown)
Its all coming together.
Annie joins them.
ANNIE
There you are, Troy! Britta, our
attractive blonde friend, was
wondering where you were.
(to the woman)
Oh, hi! Im Annie. I had a crush
on Troy in high school but were
totally just friends and roommates
now.
WOMAN
I should get back to my group. Im
supposed to be acting like someone
named Trudy? I dont know. It
doesnt make any sense.
The woman disappears in the crowd.
TROY
(suspicious)
That was a weird way to introduce
yourself.
ANNIE
Just wanted to be thorough.
Annie walks off.

Shirley strolls by, slowly.

TROY
Hey, Shirley? You dont think
Annie is jealous of the sort of
thing I have with Britta, do you?
Shirley giggles uncontrollably.
TROY
Youre right. Thats stupid.

19.
Troy leaves Shirley to her giggling.
like its incredibly interesting.

She looks at her HAND

SHIRLEY
Oooooooohh! Thats niiiiiice, man.
PUNCH TABLE
Abed and Britta.
Britta.

ABED
Can you do me a favor?

BRITTA
Sure, Abed.
ABED
Wilson is here. Can you pretend to
be my girlfriend so that hell
respect me? Of course, that will
mean not talking to any guy other
than Troy and me. Mostly Troy.
BRITTA
Come on, Abed. Im not in the mood
to play sitcom tropes. You need to
stand up to him. You know thats
what youll learn in the end,
anyway.
Wilson walks over.
WILSON
Oh my God, Nadir! Youre seriously
at the punch table? You know that
means I have to punch you, right?
BRITTA
Hey, back off, you walking
volleyball. Abed is my boyfriend
and you dont want to get on my bad
side. Im a hair puller.
She grabs Abed and KISSES him passionately.
In the distance, Troy is watching, shocked.
TROY
(remembering)
"If you aint gonna tap dat, I
will." Unless this is a hilarious
misunderstanding, Ive been
betrayed.

20.

NEAR THE BAND

Jeff corners Dean Pelton.
JEFF
Dean! Why cant I get a cab from
here to Leonards?
DEAN PELTON
Jeffrey, Im hurt that you would
want to leave the dance before my
big number. Here, check this
out. Its Colorados largest penis
pump.
The Dean points to a large red machine with wheels on the
bottom and a huge tube on top.
JEFF
Why do you need people at this
dance so badly?
DEAN PELTON
If the Engorgite people are
impressed with the school, theyre
going to donate money to ENLARGE
our science department.
Jeff realizes this goes even deeper.
JEFF
You called the cops on us.
DEAN PELTON
Thats ridiculous. Your music was
too loud and overproduced.
JEFF
DEAN. We almost DIED escaping from
the police. You nearly KILLED us
tonight!
The Dean slips aside and grabs the penis pump tube. He hits
a BUTTON on the machine labeled "ENGORGE," cuing a loud
vacuum sound. He points the tube at Jeff.
DEAN PELTON
Stay away, or Ill Engorge
you! Actually, come closer.
Air from under the machine blows Dean Peltons dress up,
Marilyn Monroe style.

21.
EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT
Pierce fiddles under the hood of the Eldorado.
victorious.
Ha!

He emerges

PIERCE
I did it!

The engine BURSTS INTO FLAMES.

with a small RAG.

Pierce tries to pat it down

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT

Troy hunts down Annie.
TROY
Annie.
ANNIE
(concerned)
Troy. Wheres Britta?
TROY
Never mind. Listen, I know I never
noticed you in high school.
ANNIE
Oh, dont worry about it. I
shouldnt have brought it up.
TROY
But you did. I dont want to make
the same mistake in college.
ANNIE
WHAT?
Troy KISSES a confused, wide-eyed Annie.
We TRACK over to Shirley, still staring at her HAND. The
sound of the crowd and music swirl around in her head and
become too much for her.
Her hand begins to DISAPPEAR.
SHIRLEY
Uh oh.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO

22.
ACT THREE
EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT (DAY 2)
Jeff and Pierce sit in whats left of the Eldorado.
PIERCE
So it turns out I didnt get a B in
auto repair, I got an AUTOmatic
failure in BEEkeeping. I used
Raid.
JEFF
I say we make the most of it and go
into the dance. The dean won this
time.
PIERCE
You go ahead. Ill stay out here.
JEFF
I dont get it. I dont get why
you bought this car or why you
havent joined everyone else in the
dance.
PIERCE
Id rather not remember the
50s. Especially the dances.
was in sixth grade.

A FUZZY EFFECT indicates a flashback to

INT. GREENDALE JUNIOR HIGH - 1955 - NIGHT
Sepia tones. Its the sixth grade dance. YOUNG PIERCE (12)
makes his way through the crowd to a pretty GIRL (12).
YOUNG PIERCE
Hey, sugar lips. Would you like to
dance?
GIRL
Sorry, Pierce.

Not right now.

A MEAN BOY (12) turns to Pierce.

MEAN BOY
Yeah, Bra-thorne. No one wants to
dance with YOU. Why dont you make
like Bob Hope in ROAD TO BALI and
go somewhere far away?

23.

As the heartbroken young Pierce walks out, a TEACHER (40s),

munching on some messy CHICKEN WINGS, stops him.
TEACHER
You get rejected, Pierce? No
surprise there. No Hawthorne ever
amounted to anything.
The teacher gets some sauce on his shirt and turns to a
group of TEACHERS nearby.
TEACHER
Hey, does anyone have a slightly
wet napkin?
Pierce, even more hurt, exits the dance.
EXT. GREENDALE JUNIOR HIGH PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
Pierce walks away from the school building and leans against
a 1955 CADILLAC ELDORADO. A MYSTERIOUS GENTLEMAN with a
voice similar to BOB HOPE casts a SHADOW on him.
MYSTERIOUS GENTLEMAN
(v.o.)
Hey, kid. Nice car. Arent you a
little young to drive? I wont
tell if you wont.
The gentleman chuckles and moves away.
at the car, envigorated.

Young Pierce looks

BACK TO SCENE
Pierce finishes the story.
PIERCE
I always thought, the next time I
get invited to a cool party - which
was tonight - Ill want to drive a
car like that. It was stupid.
No.

JEFF
Ill tell you whats stupid.

24.
INT. WINGER HOUSEHOLD - 1988 - NIGHT
A house party resembling RISKY BUSINESS. YOUNG JEFF (17)
opens the front door to reveal YOUNG JENNIFER (17), in
elaborate HEADGEAR.
YOUNG JENNIFER
Hi, Jeff! I heard you were having
a party tonight.
YOUNG JEFF
Sorry, that was last night.
Jeff, a crowd clearly behind him, shuts the door on her.
BACK TO SCENE
Jeff is ashamed.
PIERCE
Great story. Can you give me a
little space, now, please?
JEFF
(realizing)
Thats it. Space. Weve been
sitting here flashing back in TIME
when we should be traveling through
SPACE to Leonards house. Come
with me.
PIERCE
Where are you going now?
JEFF
To the Greendale department of
Aeronautics.
Jeff opens the car door, which FALLS OFF.
INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT
We rejoin Annie and Troy after their kiss.
Troy!
want.

ANNIE
This is not what I
And its not what YOU want.

TROY
I just thought - you seemed to be
driving girls away from me. And
then I saw Abed and Britta kiss.

25.

ANNIE
Abed and Britta? That makes no
sense. Ill get to the bottom of
this.
She starts to leave, but Troy calls after her.
TROY
Hey, Annie? Why isnt this what
you want?
She walks back toward him.
ANNIE
(affectionate)
It was like kissing my brother.
She pecks him on the cheek.

Hes satisfied.

ELSEWHERE IN THE CAFETERIA

Shirley has been reduced to a FLOATING HEAD.
SHIRLEY
What is happening?
happening?

What is

NEAR THE BAND

Annie and Abed hash it out.
ANNIE
Troy thinks you and Britta really
kissed! Abed, we ruined the study
group. Our future is bleak.
ABED
Maybe Troy and Britta are just not
meant to be. If two people cant
tolerate each other in the 50s,
why would they tolerate each other
in the 80s, civil rights movements
aside? Forcing people together
just because you want to watch a
relationship happen is how you end
up with Rachel and Joey, Angela and
Tony, Barney and Robin. Maybe
people arent SUPPOSED to date
their friends. Maybe thats not
what friends are for.

26.

ANNIE
But what will happen if it doesnt
work out? I cant deal with Britta
all by myself. Shes too much
work.
ABED
Maybe you only want Troy to be her
boyfriend so YOU dont have to be
her boyfriend.
ANNIE
(resigned)
Saying the word "maybe" before
laying down a difficult truth
doesnt make it any less difficult.
ABED
Perhaps not.
PUNCH TABLE
Wilson walks up to Britta.
WILSON
Hey, I just want to apologize for
before. I was out of line.
BRITTA
(cautious acceptance)
Oh. Thanks. Just leave Abed
alone.
WILSON
Between you and me, the two of you
arent really together, are
you? That was just for my benefit?
BRITTA
Well, yeah. I sort of have a thing
with Abeds friend, Troy.
WILSON
I doubt that. I know him.
him kissing some brunette
before. Her, over there.

I saw

He points out Annie, across the room. Britta is

stunned. Wilson is now fully committed to MAD MEN.

27.

WILSON
So dont lie to me, Joan.
BRITTA
Whos Joan?
WILSON
Im a pre-med student. Let me
pre-examine you. Come on. Give me
a little kiss.
He moves in closer to Britta.
BRITTA
Hey, Wilson. Whats that?
He turns around to find a smiling Troy, who PUNCHES him in
the face. Wilson FLIES back, aptly, into the PUNCH
BOWL. But after a moment, he recovers, ready to FIGHT Troy.
TROY
(still smiling)
Uh oh.
Troy bounds through the crowd, followed by Wilson. Troy
comes upon the PENIS PUMP. He breaks off the tubing,
revealing a base that functions inexplicably like a
SKATEBOARD. He hops on and takes off down the
HALLWAY. Wilson chases him on foot.
Garrett and Dean Pelton look on.
GARRETT
Whats that thing hes on?
DEAN PELTON
(distressed)
Its my penis pump!
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Troy skates for his life.
keep up.

Wilson cuts through classrooms to

ANOTHER SECTION OF HALLWAY

TODD walks down the hall carrying an intricate DIARAMA of a
small town not unlike HILL VALLEY.

28.

TODD
Im so glad I skipped all the dance
parties tonight to get this done.
When Todd rounds the corner of the hall, Troy SMASHES into
him. Pieces of diarama are everywhere.
TROY
Sorry, Todd!
Troy hops back on the pump and skates off. Todd gets up and
brushes himself off, only to be PUSHED back down by Wilson.
EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT
The SPACE BUS from the episode BASIC ROCKET SCIENCE pulls
up. Pierce is in the drivers seat. Jeff unboards.
INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT
Jeff pushes through the crowd to Annie.
JEFF
Annie! Weve got a ride. Were
going back to the 80s party.
ANNIE
I dont think we need to.
just stood up for Britta!
What?

Troy

JEFF
Who cares?

He spots Abed.
JEFF
Abed! Were going back to the
future!
ABED
It might not be necessary, after
all.
Fine.

JEFF
Ill go myself.

29.

ONSTAGE
Dean Pelton takes the microphone from the BAND and taps on
it.
DEAN PELTON
Attention, everybody. As you may
know, today is Garretts
birthday. You may also know that
he is PRESIDENT of the equestrian
club.
GARRETT
(quietly, in the crowd)
Neither of those things are true.
DEAN PELTON
(about to sing like Marilyn)
Happy birthday to you / Happy
birthday to you / Happy birthday,
Mr. President...
Jeff emerges from the crowd.
JEFF
Stop singing!
He steals the microphone from the dean.
JEFF
There is another party. Its 80s
themed and its awesome, and no one
here was invited. Except for me
and my study group. Even
Pierce. But apparently, YOURE not
good enough to have fun with them
tonight. Youre not good enough to
Wang Chung with them tonight. Now,
Im here. And I know I should make
the most of it and enjoy myself,
but I believe that FUN is not a
state of mind. It is an objective
experience that is not available
here, but that SHOULD NOT be
exclusive. The truth is, there is
a girl over there who probably
hates me because I didnt invite
her to another awesome 80s party,
in the real 80s. And maybe, if
some of you come with me, shell
see that Ive changed. But Im not
asking you to do me a favor. Im
asking you to do yourself a favor

30.
and dont let people who have
declared themselves cooler than you
dictate what you do with your
precious college weekends. If an
awesome party sounds good to you, I
INVITE you to come with me.
GARRETT
(calling out)
I dont want to go to a party where
Im not wanted! I did not relate
to Annie Hall!
JEFF
MAKE yourself wanted, Garrett.
(grabs small phallic eel)
No amount of pills is ever going to
give you self worth. But if you
come with me to the cool party, you
will prove that you belong
there. I promise you, it is a MUCH
better party.
In the crowd, SHIRLEY, merely a HEAD and two floating HANDS,
starts a SLOW CLAP. The rest join in.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Wilson closes the gap on Troy. Rounding a CORNER, Troy
grazes a LOCKER, accidentally triggering the pumps ENGORGE
BUTTON.
The vacuum sound echoes through the halls as Troy RISES from
the ground, still skating forward.
TROY
Its hovering!

Its hovering!

EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT

The crowd files out toward their cars and to the space
bus. The ENGORGITE REPRESENTATIVE, a dwarf, approaches Dean
Pelton.
DEAN PELTON
Sir, theres a simple explanation
for all of this.
ENGORGITE REPRESENTATIVE
Dean, were donating money. Its a
tax write-off and good PR. Why did
you throw a dance?

31.

DEAN PELTON
I thought it would be fun.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Troy hovers down a hall to a DEAD END. He pokes his head
through the window at the end of the hall.
EXT. CLOCKTOWER - CONTINUOUS
Troy is next to a huge clock face.
below.
TROY
The space bus?
back in time?

He spots the SPACE BUS

Did I hoverboard

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Wilson appears at the other end of the hall.
trapped. Wilson laughs.

Troy is

WILSON
I hope fear stimulates your
imagination.
Wilson RUNS at Troy with everything hes got. At the last
moment, Wilson JUMPS, but Troy DUCKS, sending Wilson through
the WINDOW.
EXT. CLOCKTOWER - CONTINUOUS
He plummets with a SQUISH into a TANK marked "MANURE PROPERTY OF GREENDALE EQUESTRIAN CLUB."
Troy pokes his head through the window and looks down.
Manure.

TROY
That was... lucky.

Below, Britta spots Troy.

BRITTA
Troy! You can zipline down the
clocktower on that telephone wire!
TROY
Im gonna take the stairs!

32.

EXT. LEONARDS DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Pierce stands by the door of the space bus to help people
off. The last student unboards.
From thin air, Shirley FADES IN next to Pierce.
SHIRLEY
(re: visibility)
Thank goodness.
(to Pierce)
Thanks for driving, Pierce. Looks
like you ended up with a pretty
sweet ride, after all.
PIERCE
(proud)
Yeah, I guess I did.
The interior of the bus BURSTS INTO FLAMES.
INT. LEONARDS HOUSE - NIGHT
Leonard DJs.
Britta.

The party is bumpin.

Abed approaches

ABED
Thanks for kissing me earlier.
BRITTA
No problem, Abed. You cant always
stand up to your own
bullies. Sometimes you need a
friend.
That gives Abed an idea.
ABED
Annie thinks you take advantage of
your friendship with her. You
should listen more, instead of just
talking about yourself. Thats my
own analysis, of course. She would
never say something like that.
BRITTA
(taken aback)
Okay. Thanks for your honesty,
Abed. Ill take that into
consideration.

33.

Cool.

ABED
Cool cool cool.

HALLWAY
Jennifer waits for the bathroom, alone.
behind her.

Jeff forms a line

JEFF
Still waiting for the bathroom,
huh?
JENNIFER
After the cops came, it sort of
went away and it just came back.
JEFF
Yeah, me too. Jennifer, I want to
talk to you.
Fat Neil walks out of the bathroom.
NEIL
Thanks for inviting me, Jeff.
JEFF
No problem, Neil.
Neil walks off.
back to Jeff.

Jennifer walks into the bathroom and turns

JENNIFER
Youll still be here when I come
out, right?
JEFF
Ive got all the time in the world.
DANCE FLOOR
Troy and Britta slow dance to an 80s ballad.
TROY
We can put whatever happened at
that dance in the past, right?
BRITTA
I dont know, Troy. You did kiss
my best friend. But you also
punched a guy in the face for me
and then turned a penis pump into a

34.

skateboard, so why dont we call

this night a draw?
Troy nods his agreement.
DANCE FLOOR SIDELINES
Annie and Abed watch Troy and Britta.
disappointed.

Annie is

ANNIE
I dont think its going to
happen. You were right. We
shouldnt have meddled with their
future.
He looks at her reassuringly.
ABED
If my future is ever in jeopardy, I
would want you to be the one who
irrevocably alters it.
Abeds sweetness surprises Annie.

She pulls him onto the

DANCE FLOOR
with her.

At the front, Leonard FADES OUT the record.

LEONARD
This next ones an oldie. Well, to
you kids. Where I come from - the
20s - everythings new.
JEFF
(v.o.)
Shut up and play it, Leonard!

Leonard puts on New Editions 1986 cover of "Earth

Angel." Jeff and Jennifer, Troy and Britta, Annie and Abed,
and Shirley and Pierce dance among their peers.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE

TAG

35.

INT. SHIRLEYS KITCHEN - DAY (DAY 3)

Shirley hums to herself as she pours FLOUR into a brownie
mix. The beat boy from earlier, now dressed in an APRON,
enters the kitchen.
BEAT BOY
My trademark ingredient is chili
powder.
SHIRLEY
Please, thats kids stuff.
all in the pureness of the
chocolate.

Its

BEAT BOY
You realize the point of these is
not the taste.
SHIRLEY
Ill pretend I didnt hear that.
FADE OUT.