PAGE 8

pearly3000@email.com

Good drink ... good meat ... good God, let's eat!

Computer, kill Flanders.

What's an email?

Some people might think your work is silly or meaningless, but, I, for one,
want to thank you for all of your hard work.

Sorry I was not listening. I was lost in your eyes. [to Jesse Grass, the
environmental activist].

Homer : Marge, she's going to narc on our stash.

Marge : We don't HAVE a stash.
Homer : No, of course not.

Homer : Now Marge, if the unthinkable should happen, you're going to be

lonely.
Marge : Oh Homer, I could never remarry.
Homer : Darn right. And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on the
couch as a constant reminder of our marital oath. [Homer Triple Bypass]

Don't make me come up there! [to Rev.Lovejoy at his very long sermon on
Sunday].

76.2?! ? I'm already 38.1! I've wasted half my life!

You mean grease is money?!? Woo hoo! my arteries are filled with yellow
gold!

My God! you're greasy! [to a teenager working at Krusty Burger]

God, I know you're busy ... you know watching women changing clothes and
all ... [praying for his 'grease' business]

Hurry up, I cannot be jabbing you. [poking the bagboy with a bread stick at
the grocery store]

Vow! it just rolled over to 10,000! [in Africa, photographing the odometer
instead of the sceneries].

Bart : Hey, this monkey can lead us to some bananas.

Homer : Or more mouth-watering monkeys. [in Africa, looking for food]

Oh man! it feels good to get out of that car! ... Woo Hoo! Go Karts!!!

Lisa : Shouldn't you put on a batting helmet?

Homer : No it messes up my hair.

Marge : And punish Lisa for lying to us.

Homer : Okay, you young lady, now run to Kwik-E-mart and get me some
chips and beer ... and get something for yourself, sweetheart.

[Bart in the tree house tending to the eggs of a bird he killed with a BB gun
Marge : What do you think he's doing up there?
Homer : I don't know, drug lab ?

[The family is watching the hatching of the eggs]

Homer : Oh man! this is the most exciting thing I've seen since that Haley
comet collided with the moon.
Lisa : It never happened.
Homer : Sure it did.

[still waiting for the eggs to hatch].

Homer : Why is it taking so long? Bart was born in 5 minutes.
Marge : It took 53 hours!
Homer : Really? The time just flew by, didn't it?

[Homer the hippie]

Woman : Oh Homer! how do you keep your hair so thick and lustrous?
Homer : Lather-Rinse-Repeat. Always Repeat.

Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing! [Homer, the hippie is
lying naked in the backyard]

[Homer at the sci-fi convention]

Mark Hamill : Who are you?
Homer : Homer Simpson, nerd-buster.

Forget Maggi, she's gone.

It's an honor guarding your body, sir. [to mayor Quimby].

I ordered 'double double burger' and they gave me 'double double double
double burger'.

Oh sure, the mayor takes some bribes, but he also makes trains run on time.

Awh! the corpse is climbing the stairs!

[to Mark Hamill]

You're luminous, magnetic and incodescent (?).

I wouldn't do that if I were you, Rev.Lovejoy. This "saint" Flanders is as

crooked as you and me. [Ned Flanders using senior citizen's card at the car
wash].

He he, buffaloes are easy to kill.

Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver!

Corgan : Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.

Homer : Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
Homer : You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your
gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly
provide.
Corgan : Well, we try to make a difference .

We got a little rule back home : if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it
back.

Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I
was stealing projectors. [out of high school].

Bart : Do you wear boxers or briefs?

Homer : [checking] Nope.
Bart : What religion are you?
Homer : You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out
in real life. Uh ... Christianity.

[Homer joins the Naval Reserve]

Bart : Hey, Homer, bring me back a torpedo.
Homer : No.
Bart : But Flanders got his kids torpedoes!
Homer : Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of
unimaginable destructive power!
Marge : Homer!
Homer : But only if you're good! [to Bart] Even if you're not.

One Two Better Not Sue! [Homer, the chiropractor].

Oh! my spino cylinder! They'll pay for what they did to my can.

Man : There is no air in the outer space.

Homer : There's air in the space museum.

Hey, I thought real doctors hated chiropractors.

It's not trash can, son. It's Homer Simpson's spino cylinder!

Can you look even more pathetic? [conmen Homer and Bart]

Colgate Cavity Patrol!?!

I told you my memory is fuzzy ... FUZZY! [conman Homer in court].

You listen, Smash, we're not signing anything unless it's a contract.

Bart : Mom, my lifelong dream is to become a rock star!

Homer : And my lifelong dream is to get rid of Bart. How_many_ lives do you
have to ruin?

Lisa : What does it mean? [some song on TV]

Homer : It doesn't mean anything - like ling-ding-aling or give peace a
chance.

Homer : [from croud] Hey, Flanders! You're the worst coach this team has
ever had!
Marge : He's the only coach this team has ever had... and the season hasn't
even started yet!
Homer : Yeah, well ... he's wearing that hat like an idiot.
Marge : You know, Homer, its very easy to criticize.
Homer : Fun, too.

Marge : Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer : Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some
seatbelts.

New York is a hellhole. And you know how I feel about hellholes!

Oh, all right. But not a minute later cause when the sun goes down all the
weirdos turn crazy. [Homer in New York City]

Homer : Ah ha! I've got it! Brain, how can I ever thank you?
Homer's Brain : Just don't bump me on your way out of the car.
[Homer gets out of his car, bumping his head on the way out] Sorry.

Man : Warning : tickets should not be taken internally.

Homer : See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

Homer : Heh heh heh, I did it! Second in line, and all I had to do was miss
eight days of work.
Man : With the money you would have made working, you could have bought
tickets from a scalper.
Homer : In theory, yes. [sotto voce] Jerk.

Homer : God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.
[doorbell rings]
Ned : Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick -Homer : [slams the door] Why do you mock me, O Lord?

It's just a legal thing ... to protect me. [adding Marge's name to 'Uncle
Homer's Day Care Center].

You da man, Carl. I bet you can fly. [at the basketball game].

Miss work? But my life will be nothing without my nuclear plant! [after the
basketball injury].

[a bored Homer with basketball injury at home tries to mate his cat and dog
by putting them in a sack and shaking it].
Good ... we'll have a miracle hybrid with the loyalty of a cat and the
cleanliness of a dog!

Okay, I'm going to come back with a perfect gift a husband can give his
wife ... an annulment from his secret marriage. [annulment of Homer's Las
Vegas marriage to a "floozie"].

Awh! a sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the
lawn.

Homer : Homer Simp, I mean Max Power.

Woman : Nice name.
Homer : Isn't it? I got it from a hair dryer.

... And I've counted the pennies in the ash tray. [to the valet parking
attendent]

... Well, I spend a lot of time on the couch.

Oh! I thought it would be cool to be on Springfield's 'A' list. But these people
are NUTS!

[Homer is trying to escape from a group of hippos]

Does anything from the movies actually work?

Awh! good old govt !

Lisa : I just want to study!

Homer : That's not fun.
Lisa : It is to me!
Homer : No, it's not.

They like me because I'm brave! [at the slaughterhouse].

Must eat meat ... Must defeat the man I just met. [steak-eating contest at the
slaughterhouse].

Hey, this man is not breathing. Don't people usually breathe?

[the dead trucker at the steak-eating contest].

He called me greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It's a thing we had.

Awh! open road!

Look son, it's one of nature's most beautiful sights ... a convoy!

Le Grill!?! What the hell is that? [Homer building a backyard barbeque].

Finally I found something that people worship me for screwing up. That feels
pretty good. [Homer's screwed up barbeque seen as an "outsider's art"].

A mascot contest?!? I can win THAT! ... [sotto voice] ... unless one of you
jinxes me. [for the Olympics at Springfield].

[Homer is trying for mascots]

Lisa : You paper mached my cat?!?
Homer : Only for a protocol, honey.

Ooh! a technical wonder!!! Ooh! got an itch. [scratches his butt]

Burns : ... I want to be loved.

Homer : ... Well ... I need a beer.

White people have names like Lenny and black people have names like Carl.
He he he. [some "jokes" for Burns]

Can you believe I'm size 4?!? [Homer in Scotland wearing a kilt].

Larry Flynt is right. You guys stink. [MENSA Springfield chapter running the
city].

Lisa : Hey, according to the Mexican Council of Food, this expired two years
ago.
Homer : According to THEIR standard. But we live in America! [at the 33-cent
store - eats that stuff and turns purple instantly].

Marge : Looks like the christmas tree saved you.

Homer : And somebody wanted to get rid of it in April. [Homer hiding from an
accepted-duel-challange].

Come on Carter, build us a house, you lazy bum.

[Homer the food critic]

Marge : You know the letter 'e' doesn't work on that typewriter.
Homer : We don't need no stinkin' e. [for his food critic report]

Can you believe this, Marge? They're paying me to eat!

[Lisa writes the food critic reports]

Welcome to the humiliating world of Professional Writing!

Are you going to fire me for swiping off the supplies? [from his food critic job].

Homer : You should always give in to peer pressure.

Lisa : But Dad, what if ...
Homer : Always.

Your cooking has only two moves ... Shake ... ... and ... ... bake. [makes
gestures]

Marge, your porkchops today get the lowest rating from me - only 7 thumbs
up!

Lisa : What a whimsical building. Who says science can't be fun?

Bart : Me. I smell a museum.
Homer : Yeah, good things don't end with eum. They end with mania. Or
teria!

Bart : Hey, I'm going to go toss the virtual salad!

Lisa : I'm gonna read the giant book!
Homer : I'm going to try the sex education computer!

[Homer trying the sex education computer]

Homer : Aah! Eh! Ovulate, damn you! Ovulate!
Voice : You are out of sperm.

Marge : All right, all right, now, you're over stimulated. Let's get some beer in
you and then it's right to bed.
Homer : Woo hoo! [running] Beer, beer, beer, bed, bed, bed!

[picking an answering machine]

Hi, this is Jerry McGuire. Show me the message! Show-me-the-message!!!

Overdue book!?!? This is the biggest frame-up since OJ ... wait a minute ...
the Bronco ... the cuts on his fingers ... those Jay Leno monologues ... HE DID
IT!!!

He he he ... Trojans.

[Homer as Odysseus]
Aw! I must be wasted ... because that cloud looks like it is mad at me.

[Lisa as Joan of Arc]

This one takes place in the make-believe kingdom of France.

Victory!?!? We're FRENCH! We don't even have a word for it.

[Bart as Hamlet]
Bart : Does he get to marry his mom?
Homer : I don't know. That would be hot.

[Homer is Hamlet's father and returns as ghost]

It's cold outside. I need a sweater ... [sotto voice] A ... S.W.E.A.T.E.R.

Son, it's not only a great play ... it also became a great movie. It's called
'Ghost Busters'.

[Family is watching 'Itchy and Scratchy].

Bart : Cloning is a troubling issue.
Homer : Especially where the mouse kills the cat.

Get her! She's throwing something. [Marge]

Leprosy!?! I can't believe it! The fortune cookie was right! [Lisa playing a trick
on Homer and Bart]

[Homer the biker]

Homer : A gang! That is the answer!
Lisa : Answer to what?
Homer : Don't make me hazzle you, Lisa.

Bill ... bill ... Awh! lliB! [turns the envelope] ... Oh Bill.

[a glue bucket stuck on Homer's head]

Marge : I tried some butter, but your father keeps eating it.
Homer : Couldn't you try some non-delicious butter?

[The glue bucket is removed by Bart, the miracle worker]

I see the light ... and it burns.

Yeah, you went to a cow college. [to Carl]

Lisa : Do you have any food that was not brutally slaughtered?
Homer : I have some steak here which died of lonliness.

Why won't anyone give ME an award?

[Homer drags a statue from the award ceremony]

Marge : That's not an award. It's part of the set.
Homer : Nothing you say will diminish this honor.

I stand by my disappointed growl.

Homer : See Marge, they could deep-fry my shirt.

Marge : I didn't say they couldn't. I said you shouldn't.

[Homer gets a horse]

Now let's see in this book of rules whether a horse can play in the NFL ...
[checks] ... Awh!

Tomorrow in the race, other horses will be shaking in their horse dealies.

But you're respected athletes. You can own car dealerships and marry beauty
queens! [to horse jockeys]

Oh! that's great. Chicks really dig sensitivity. [cheering Ned after his wife's
death]

[PBS pledge debacle]

I'm no missionary. I don't even believe in Jebus.

Save me, Jeebus.

Jeebus, where are you?

I want Jeebus.

Greg and Amy ... Greg and Amy ... why don't you marry Greg and Amy? [to
the islanders on his "missionary"]

['Funny Family' - behind 'The Simpsons']

Then we found out that we can park them in front of TV! I was raised that
way and I turned out TV!

And that horrible act of child abuse became a running gag. [strangling Bart]

That was the best Thanks-giving ever. Emotionally it was terrible, but the
turkey was so moist.

Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me, you'll save my life now.

[whispers to Becky, Otto's fiance, who was left at the alter for a heavy-metal
band]
In about 15 minutes, you'll have to take that wedding dress off or else you'll
look crazy.

Hey Flanders, can your god do that? [blowing fire from a statue's mouth,
which later catches fire]

They called you pig, Sheriff. [in Florida]

Okay, be nerds. I'll find some people who will know the meaning of the two
words 'par' 'te'.

Mr.Burns has a mother!?! She must be 100-million years old!

[Homer is jealous of Buck, the cowboy showing his movies]

Well, I broke a chair today. I didn't make a movie about it.

Hey nothing wrong with a little hey hey [Buck throws his drink and Playboy
Magzine]

[Homer at work]
The chair goes round ... the chair goes round ... the chair goes round ...

Frank Grimes, the new guy : I don't think I'm paid to sleep.
Homer [fist action] : Oh Yeah, they're always trying to screw you!

Frank Grimes : How could you afford all this?

Homer : I don't know. Don't ask me how the economy works.

Oh! do I sound like that? I don't like having such a hilarious voice. [on tape]

You can't just kill off a plastic TV character! [Poochie, the dog with Homer's
voice]

I've always wanted to own the Dallas Cowboys.

Okay, okay, I'll find you when I'm ready to stop having fun. [at the chili
contest].

sunrise ... sunset ... sunrise ... sunset ... sunrise ... sunset ...
Note to self : Stop doing ANYTHING.

[At Stoner's Pot Place - crystalware]

Homer : We can't afford that. Who do you think I am, Liz Taylor?
Marge : May be we can use it once and return it.
Homer : What do you think it is, a toothbrush?

[Burns' son Larry is hitch-hiking with a sign 'springfield]

Homer : Can't they get a post for that sign?
Bart : That's a hitch-hiker.

[Larry kidnapping scheme]

Marge, you've been reading too many hide-out novels.

You su-diddly-uck, Flanders.

Saxamaphone ... Saxamaphone .. . Saxamaphone ...

Homer, how hardly I knew me! [Homer's autobiography]

[at the duff festival]

Go Moe! Boo everybodyelse!

[a face-lifted Moe]
Homer : Are you going to get even with that guy that never picks our lottery
numbers?

['Lincoln's gold at the White House - is a note]

"The gold is in the heart of every freedom-loving American."
Homer : Awh! crap!

[at the movie theater with many previews]

He he he ... I'm laughing .. . he he he ... but it's the laugh of impatience.

[a group at the door in the Bart at burlesque house]

Oh! this is not going to be about Jesus, is it?

[Homer thinks Bart is gay]

(to Marge) It's all your fault. Why do you have to be so feminine around him?

Name one gay Indian.

Oh! I'm having chestpain ... Where is the defribillator? ... Awh! this thing pays
for itself!

Ooh! ... I almost fainted ... but then I didn't.

[lying on the couch]

Homer : I love these lazy Saturdays!
Marge : Today is Wednesday !
Homer : Awh! Work!

[lying on the couch]

I love these real Saturdays. So relaxing. Not like that fake Saturday which
almost got me fired.

Vow! you sold a house AND got rid of the Flanders. [Marge, the real-estate
agent]

[Homer makes Ned to quit as peewee football coach by constant heckling and
becomes the coach himself]
Ned : Well ... good luck, Homer. No hard feelings.
Homer : Now you know it's not so easy to keep your mouth shut, eh,
Flanders?

[Homer, the peewee football coach, after a gymnastics flashback]

From now on I'll be kinder to my son and meaner to my Dad.

Well ... 2 bucks ... only transports matter ... mmm ... well ... I'll give you 35
cents.

Sorry, this is a highly sophistimicated machine.

What do you like Lisa? violamin? tubaba?

Lisa : I want THAT.
Homer : Saxamaphone?

Watching all this stomach surgery has made me hungry. Marge , we need
5000 ccs. of snacks.

My hair is who I am. [at the Naval Reserve]

Mooching war widows! [proposition 305]

This world sucks!

My icecream sandwich!?! Then where the hell is my remote???

*** Internet - better than TV.com]

*** It may be on a lousy channel, but 'The Simpsons' is on TV!

ALL RIGHT!!! My bumper fell off!!!

God, why do you mock me?

Ooh! he must be a 100-feet tall!

Don't worry head. The computer will do all the thinking from now on.

I want my answers now or I want them eventually.

Oh, I'm tired of being drugged and gassed. There must be a way of here.

Vow! the soaked odors of a million meals! [baking soda in the fridge]

Son, I know it hurts. I still remember my first life-time banning.

They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumbass army guy.

They don't call em ... because I'm morbidly obese.

There's comes a time in every father's life when he blows up his daughter's
room.

New Springfield Rocks!!! [new areacode 939]

Bart : Dad, I don't think it's a good idea.

Homer : Thank you, MARGE!!!

Those rich snobby Indians !

Krusty : Will you take on the Mob?

Homer : For a casual aquaintance like you? Absolutely!

Badger, my ass! It's probably Milhouse. [Badger, the bad dog]

939?!?! What the hell is that? Oh! my life is ruined. [areacode change from
636 to 939 for New Springfield]

Hahaha! Joan Collins ? That girl sleeps with everybody!

Homer : Ah! I have a question!

Lisa : It's a movie, Dad.
Homer : Wait Lisa, daddy's asking a question.

And as usual, we Joe Twelve Packs are getting the Royal Screw Jobs [636-939
change]

Nice wiring, Bart [sarcasm - on a suicide belt]

Marge, come on in. Maggi smells bad. The cat seems to want something. I
don't know what. [the cat is carrying his foodplate]

Oh No! they are stealing the tire fire!!!

Finally I can combing my love of helping people with my love of hurting

people! [Homer the cop - SpringShield]

Woohoo! I'm the chief of police!

I don't get it. I finally get a job in which I'm not lazy or stupid or corrupt and I
get killed for it! [Fat Tony is after SpringShield cop Homer]

Awh, garbage water. [clenching his to the sky] ... You're pushing me, baby!

No time now ... 've to write a delicious memo ... mmm ... memo ...

Who cares? Those are some decent, generous people whom I can take
advantage of. [The Movementarians' free weekend offer].

This is Jerry McGuire. Show me the message!

Oh, I cannot stay mad at you, Moe. After all, you get me drunk.

[Homer is at the office and the phone rings]

Homer : Hello!
Lisa : Dad!
Homer : [angrily] Who is this?

We're rich ! Richer than astronauts!

I don't want to go to prison. They pee in a cup and throw it on you. I saw that
in a movie. [to the IRS]

Walk!?! That wasn't part of the deal! [Homer, the IRS snitch]

Oh! a trillion dollar bill! That's some spicy meatball!

What do you say, honey! Feeling stupid? I know I am!

[Homer on medical pot]

Awh! that saxaphone would make a good pipe!

Oh man! We killed Mr.Burns! Mr.Burns is going to kill us!

X is for X-treme! [Homer eagerly waiting for Xtreme Football on TV]

He never even lived to be a vegetable. [mistaken that his father is dead] .

I will never even live to see my children die! [middle-aged Homer]

He he he! I have a boil on my ass!

[The Simpsons are in Branson, MO searching for Abe]

Marge : Look! it's grampa!!!
Homer : Munster?!?!?!
Marge : No, Simpson!
Homer : Oh! darn! darn! darn! darn! [stamping his foot].

Wait ... wait ... in August, it's cold, in February, it's hot ... Ooh! the opposite
land! ... where crooks chase cops, cats have puppies! ... [Brazil]

[to Lisa in Brazil, who insists to be a vegetarian]

But you're on vacation! See, I took off my wedding ring!

The Chair!?!? How come they give crucifixion only during sweeps?

[Homer's Tule Box]

Marge : Homer, Kang is Maggi's father.

Homer : Awh! ... You intergalactic hussy! How could you? Was he better than
me?

Awh! I killed that horrible bug! [screamapillar]

Meals on Wheels! Eat this or I'll go to jail.

Old man : Eh! this used to have a cobbler.

Homer : The discontinued the cobbler.

Marge, I can't say no to an old woman. They put a spell on you.

The sea forgets all ... unlike those mean old mountains! I hate them so much!

Ooh! what a high-tech wonder! ... wait I got an itch. [scratches himself in a
Sci-Fi convention on a large TV]

In my role as the customer, I saw the whole thing.

You broung a convict here? Near my unpatented idea? [Homer's

spinocylinder]

[Homer wakes up in office in a dream]

Awh!!! 1939!!! I've gone back in time. I've to warn everybody about Hitler!
Then I've to go to that icecream shop(???)

Lisa : Dad, we are trying to conserve energy!

Homer : Lisa, if we start conserving, the environmentalists win!

Vow! a world without Krusty! I wonder what it would be like! [imagines]

Oh yeah, I was at the flower shop too ... yep ... getting drunk at the old flower
shop.

[Homer's fortune cookie predictions]

You'll find true love on Flag Day.
The price of stamps will rise ever higher.
You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial.
Your store will be robbed, Apu.

Stop the dog. He has my gum.

Come on, he is a total player. [vouching for Mr.Burns on his date]

Yep, no one is more rowdier or useful than Mr.Burns.

Can I have my icecream? I finished my pizza.

Let go off her or ... I'll scream!

What about the weiner? This guy lifted a can of paint with it!

Pffft ... Chief Wiggum couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party!

Homer : You sell hats?

Man : Mmm
Homer : To people?
Man : Mmm
Homer : To people with heads?

A blackout?!!? ... mmm ... everytime Santa and I get together, it's a disaster!

No, I've caused enough disaster by plugging in that Santa. No more

irresponsible behavior.

[Apu's fling episode]

Come come, we need many Indians to shoot. [for civil war reenactment]

Okay okay, don't go Mary Todd on me.

This was supposed to be a mock battle. Don't worry, I'll drink around your
wound . ... so cold ... so cold [beer keg shot at the civil war].

Why do you always take the side of local merchants? [to Marge regarding the
damaged keg]

Mmm ... that giggle is none of my business. Or is it? [Apu's fling with the
Squishee lady]

Awh! what's a eunuch?

Nothing ... nothing ... nothing is eating me inside.

Marge : What's the score?

Homer : Dirty love ... I mean 30 love.

Marge, why are you crying? You're not in any physical pain, the only pain a
man can understand.

I saw you and the squishee lady kanoodling like junkyard rats.

Yes ... you ... are ... scum. [on Apu's fling].

Marge : Why don't you talk to Apu? (about his fling)

Homer : He already knows.

You might hear from your friends or coworkers that Apu is not living at home.
[to Bart and Lisa].

Apu : I used to believe in Karma, but now I think it's bologna.

Homer : Mmm ... Carmel bologna ...

It was magic. He took a corn flower girl and turned her into a my fair lady.

[Apu to eat a light bulb for his fling]

Don't worry. I soaked it in the toilet to soften it.

No no no ... not the good cheek!

Aawh! ... she must've dreamt about Hitler again. [Lisa in gymnastic class ]

Hey! where's my keg?

[Bart is in a bubble due to some infection and Homer puts water in the bubble
for a bath and rolls Bart over]
Now that's called parenting ... and now I'm off to Moe's.

[Bubble Bart is stuck on the tree]

I was trying to throw Bart over the tree and he got stuck.

Lisa : Doogie Howser went to college at my age.

Homer : Against my wishes.

[The Screamapillar episode]

Are you sure God doesn't want it dead?

Marge : Why is he screaming now?

Homer : If he wants to sleep with us, forget it.

Now let's not get into who smells like what.

[Homer is in a old woman's house for his community service for endangering
'screamapillar'].
Oh! don't kill me. I won't tell anyone about the skeleton. I'll even bring more
victims, like Lenny. He'll go well with wild rice.

Yeah, I've been complimented about my talking.

[to Marge, when they're serving the old woman for Homer's community
service].
Sssh! The mrs. prefers you call me Simpson.

[Homer is talking to Carmen Electra, staring at her breasts]

Carmen : Awh, Homer, my face is up here.
Homer : I've made my choices.

I haven't been a size 6 since my prom.

I am in your power. Boss me around. [a hypnotized Homer].

Oh! it hurts now, but senility will take care of that.

Your father was smart as a monkey. Then his mind started getting lazy and he
became dumb as a chimp.
Son, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. So, if a stranger offers you a ride, I
say take it.
Abe Simpson.