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workzine
3rd February 2010 Volume 2, Issue 2

workzine
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EDITOR’S WORD

We have a new column : Dyingto

Dying toplan
plan
“Daring to dare”
Meant to focus on those people out there doing
their work in new ways or taking a chance on
Dying to plan
February is here. The second fuss ? Can’t you people see its
following their dreams and having a ball while month of the year. For those of Valentine!! I wonder ho many gifts I
at it. you still making personal new year am going to get!!”
resolutions, you need to catch
And while we are on the topic of daring, we dare up. The year is in full swing and Erella <Francesco Smallto>
to list down the most common ten passwords in quarterly appraisals are coming up. concurs ; “to me this time of yaer
the world as found in survey by internet security is aabout celebrating love and
firm imperva which means they are also the most
Edward <Chartis> is unperturbed appreciating my family. Work
: “I work under pressure day in day is important but family is my
unsafe. If your password is on the list below,
out. Appraisal or not, I don’t care. foundation.”
change it
Right now I am finalisng the things
I hope to achieve professionally this John <self employed > would
1. 123456 year. ” rather forget about it : “these
2. 12345 women put too much credence in
3. 123456789 Mariam <CitiBank> is biting her valetines. All the girls at work are
4. Password<really!!> nails over the years budget: “you busy gossiping about what they
5. I love you have to do this stuff early . My received last year and guessing
6. Princess forecasts have to be realistic and as to what they will get this year.
7. Rockyou yet encouraging. Crap!!”
8. 1234567
9. 12345678
Meg <FIFA > is already over her Faridah <in-between-jobs> doesn’t
head in work : “this darn world cup. really care what the work season
10. Abc123
Issues appear everywhere and yet I : “right now, if I had a job, I would
haven’t even started working on my nt mind how busy I was. I wouldn’t
Enjoy your valentine’s.
own personals.” mind any job right now. Any work .”

Before i sign out i want to say hi to all our Alard <Koddaert> is setting up for
readers in ethiopia. the stock taking: “right now , I am
finalizing the preparations for stock
Businge Abid Weere taking. Its going to be wild.”
Alexia<> is not bothered : “to
Sarai <WFP> is just thankful to
be alive : “I am looking at all the
photos and statistics from Haiti and
I am glad to be alive. To be able to
work under a secure roof. ”

In
quote Stevie Wonder, Whats the

• Ugandan Oil wells deal • English hotel starts bed-

The brewing confusin amidst warmers service
renewed deadly religious
clashes • Man tries to break into jail in
Oregon
• Whitney Houston re-releases
News debut album on 25th year
anniversary
• Indonesian President releases
pop album

• Egypt wins the African Cup • Chemical Ali executed • Online palyer buys $330,000
of Nations trophy worth of virtul real estate
• World leaders attend lacklustre
• Haiti AID distribution DAVOS 2010 • US drones not encrypted
picking up pace allowing insurgents to pinpoint
• UN climate panel admits drone locations
• Ethiopian Airplane in fatal errors • “revolutionary “ IPAD
crash in its global warning data.
launched
• Nigeria crisis deepens • Glaiciers to disappear by 2305
not 2035• Serena ends Henin dream
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workzine
The paintings have African themes

Daring to Dare : and include; paintings of Animals,

Landscapes, paintings which show
themes like culture, dance and
heritage. My paintings hang on the
DARING TO DARE is a new column

Drew Tete
walls of numerous residencies in
which will showcase those brave souls
Uganda, Kenya and Tanzania.
out there who have decided to take
a route that doesn’t offer immediate
I almost lost out on my dream and
security, only opportunity and heart.
was trying to be a square peg in a
Here is the story of Andrew Umah
paintings and by this time I had round hole. My advice to people out
Tete in his own words
graduated to using Oil paint on there is be who you are and don’t try
Canvas. I practiced so much art that to be someone or something you are
Growing up around the age of about
most people who walked in my room not, make up your mind today to be
5years, I remember drawing all sorts
a great original rather than a cheap
of stuff in this old Dairy that my mum thought I was studying Art. My thanks
photo-copy.
gave me and those were my first steps go to Ian Agwa and Musungu Marvin
in Art. My elder Brother Stephen who helped me keep my dream alive
during those times. One can view and contact the artist at
Umahtete ,who is an artist practicing
After finishing University in 2008 I www.drewtete.com,
his trade in Califonia, was a big
AndrewUmahtete@drewtete.com
inspiration.I learnt how to paint while ventured in the job market and did
interviews with some of the biggest Tel: +256-782-639282
at St. Mary’s College Kisubi because
names in Finance such as; Price +256-713-639282
of the interest my Art teacher Mr.
Katabulawao showed in my work . He Waterhouse Coopers, Ernst and
By Andrew Umah Tete
went on to mentor me in the skill and Young, Deloitte . After a tiresome
soul-sucking morale-sapping time <One gets a feeling that the writer does elegant
along the way handing me a chance
–consuming friendship-killing year in brush strokes when writing in his ledger books >
to have my first exhibition where did
both paintings and molding with clay . the accounting industry , I awoke to
the fact that what I was doing wasn’t
With my new found passion I painted for me . I quickly fell back to what I
in my holidays and sold my paintings knew best and since then have never
to family members and friends for looked back, rediscovering my passion
between $20 and $30 these paintings for life and I’m now painting at levels
were mainly nature painting done I never imagined. with God by my
in water colours . Today a Drewtete side and hard work the sky is the
orginal painting goes for between $700 limit.
to $1500 .
In 2004, I pursued a degree in Most of my paintings are done in
Accounting and Finance . While at Oil paint on canvas, Acrylics on
University I continued to practice canvas and water colours as well.

Businge Abid Weere

Managing Editor
the team

Raymond Kukundakwe<rhino>
Content and Design Editor

Jacque Kasoma
Legal Affairs Editor

Darlyne Komukama
Fashion Editor

Bernard Olupot
Prose and Poetry Editor

Lourd Mathhias Muwonge

Sports Editor

Edge Consult
Business Editor

Gereminah Oberu
Designer

Writers in this Issue

Brian B. Coutinho Ernest Bazanye
Ronald Rwakigumba GNuts
Andrew umah Tete Becky Wana
Diana Sssali Mark Abraham
Rafa’ili Isiagi Moses
Eric Keba Rowan Emslie
Hire Edward Mufumbiro Isaac

COVER PICTURE
Jacque Kasoma & Obadiah Alfred

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4
CORPORATE
HUSTLE -
Making The
Extra Dime
I
t is not without a doubt that most of
you working people have that second
or third job from which you earn
you extra paper you take to favourite pub
most of which ask for a buck too much
for that silky tasting lager. A young dude
like me cannot and will not survive on
a measly salary, not with the gals you’re
dating or the rent of that beat up place
you live in. So for good measure and in
order to buy at least two Bloody Marys
at that new club, you will get to hustle With all the hooks placed out in the
and be able to actually provide the best market you would be unlucky if you got
of your services for a payment that the no one to bite on your bait. But once a
Welcome to the Boardroom.
It
is impossible not to laugh. I mean
why not laugh when there are men
in this age and era, who not only
dislike the idea of a woman in the Manager’s
outfit, but go as far as rubbish the very
idea in those shallow lunches somewhere in
Nakasero. I should pass as a fool to laugh,
given these men are actually top executives,
decision makers, and as they prefer to be
known, ‘Stewards’ of the companies they
happen to lead. The reason I may not hold
back the laughter, foolish as it may seem, is
that the tide has changed.
The need for efficiency, diversity, honesty,
focus in the present day has superseded
any need (if ever such a need existed) for
holding onto age old traditions of having
male managers. Women have been handed
their much awaited diplomatic license to
the Boardroom.Companies are becoming
leaner, cost minimization is at the forefront of
business today, new product development, and
creativity are the engines of today’s corporate
success. And women bring a fresher outlook
to business, provide much needed diversity,
are dependable and provide a much needed
human and realistic outlook. Better still,
women are strivers, they are goal oriented.
workzine
tax authorities will never know about.
For people in my line of profession,
accounting, it is really necessary to get that
extra job for what your employer pays is
so meagre you always thinking of leaving
but the next guy is not any better. One
thus falls on the only option of making
more money so that you can be able to
service your salary loan and pay your rent
and have a balance for taking out your
chic to watch that new 3D movie in the
cinema and not the lousy free download
everyone has got a hold of.
Looking for the extra work is the
hardest; one has to stoop to levels he
never thought his knees could bend to!
You send out messages to friends and
foes advertising your services or new
goods for sale. You create an account on
Facebook and Twitter and close your Hi-
5 account as no one knows if the website
is still open. On Facebook you send out
profile updates telling your peeps and
those unlucky friends’ friends about your
new service rates or latest Chinese/Dubai
fake product imports. You even create a
group on Facebook and for better results
even send text messages to your entire
phonebook telling them about the new
stuff you have available.
I love my father very much but it was mama
who made sure I had a plate with something
to devour. Fine, sometimes it was a roasted
potato that I had to peel or some bananas she
had wisely stored away, but she did provide! I
can still see her swing that hope-laden-hoe as I
effortlessly planted my yellowish teeth into the
white raw cassava. If you gave men the home to
run for half a day, they would make a mess of
it. Little wonder women dread the prospect of
leave days for their husband. I mean these guys
show up at home, and turn into one sincere
problem.
Presently there is a misplaced notion that
women are being done a favor to be invited to
the boardroom. This isn’t true because frankly
speaking, I cannot stand 5 minutes of a typical
Ugandan Board meeting. I mean a bunch of
guys sit there for an hour hatching business
ideas that you and I know will never see the
light of day. But they always have an intelligent
lady to put some meat to those weak plans in
the minutes. They are not blind, they know
the faults of those plans, to such an extent
they even issue disclaimers to the ideas just
proposed. They simply can’t help it. Gentlemen,
that’s what you get when you lock out diversity,
brilliance and wit, when you lock the woman
www.theworkzine.com
bite comes in, you are up and working
with the best professionalism you can
muster. You pamper your client with all
your apprehended professional client
service “bull” you picked up at your
official workplace. The level of customer
pampering and the very cheap prices you
will charge your client will prompt him/
her to advise other people to seek and
use your services.
Before you know it, you are spending
more time hustling than at your
contracted day job. The appraisals that
come up at year end will subtly indicate
that you are flat on your ass at work
and thus need neither salary raise nor
promotion. It bothers you not because
currently you make at least twice or
thrice your salary from your hustle and
are barely bothered by your boss’ whining
over your lacklustre work ethic.
With such a lousy work attitude at your
8 to 5 job, it comes as no surprise that
your boss throws in the towel on your
relationship and asks you to clear your
desk and look for another job. For you
this is a blessing in disguise as you can
sue for wrongful dismissal and also
get to put in 110% in your hustle now
christened a “Consultancy”.
Rafa’ili
out.
I happen to own a ‘company’ called ‘my person’
and the reason I ‘recruited’ a woman called
‘wife in waiting’, was to bring common sense,
development, reality, truth into my person.
Problem is our recruit is taking her job very
seriously, and you all know that does not augur
well with the best of us. Lady here is to begging
that you perform your job less well – lol.
Guys like me do not do the Boardroom. Too
dull and vain for our liking – but that too our
recruit might change.
Anyhow, the laughter has dried out by now.
Ladies, it will take a lot of effort to obtain a
gate pass to the executive boardroom. The
times are in your favor.
I’ve made my point, and here is to inviting you
to the boardroom as I know you will find your
seat, or the very least you will drag your chair
there.
Granted, I ask but one favor, please avoid those
dull, empty, egocentric, little lunches with those
male chauvinists. Talk to real men who will
respect you and build you. If for nothing, you
can do without the humiliations. Bon Voyage.
RONALD RWAKIGUMBA

workzine
Retirement
Watch: Myths of Owning a small business
Myth: Entrepreneurs are risk-taking visionaries.
Truth: You don’t have to be a swashbuckling risk taker to run your
own show. “These glamorous stories serve … a few people who
exhibit a variety of specific traits,” says Len Schlesinger, president of
Babson College in Babson Park, Mass. “Entrepreneurs are actually
very good at avoiding risk rather than taking it on.”
Myth: The idea is more important than the details.
Truth: Whiz-bang new technologies and business models are sexy,
but they aren’t a requirement. “A well-executed, decent idea is better
than a poorly-executed, excellent idea,” says Gerald Shreiber, founder
and chief executive of J&J Snack Foods . Shreiber’s secret to minding
the details: a healthy dose of paranoia. “I have 2,600 people to worry
about,” he says. “Somewhere, God or my parents and grandparents
are watching over me.”
Myth: Jealously guard your idea, lest someone might steal it.
Truth: You may be onto something, but you surely don’t have all
the answers (if you even knew to ask all the right questions). “While
you don’t want to put your entire business plan on the Internet,
entrepreneurs who do their homework look to a relatively large
but select number of people to talk through their ideas,” says Reid
Hoffman, founder and chief executive of LinkedIn.com.
Myth: Your business plan must be rock solid from the get-go.
Truth: Building a company is an iterative process, says Hoffman,
and entrepreneurs must be willing to adapt--to changes in customer
demand or the competitive landscape. “It’s not like chess where
you have a pre-formulated, deterministic strategy and must get all
the moves in exactly the right sequence,” he says. There should
be a principal plan in place but it should be flexible and updated
5
constantly. Says Hoffman: “No battle plan survives impact with the
enemy.”
Myth: Passion will get you there.
Truth: Passion can ease the pain of 15-hour days, galvanize
employees and win over customers. In some cases, it can even
enthrall deep-pocketed investors. But it is no silver bullet. The most
effective entrepreneurs learn to modulate their emotions, says Rich
Gelfond, chief executive of IMAX . His mantra: “It’s never as good as
it looks, or as bad as it seems.”
Myth: You can set your own schedule.
Truth: “I thought I’d be the boss and sit back and put my feet up,”
says Mike Zaya, chief executive of Printrunner. Reality looked a bit
different, including a several-night stretch of sleeping but two hours a
night at the office. “You end up being the goalie of the company, and
the goalie has to sacrifice their body,” adds Zaya. “You have to be the
first man in and last man out on any given day.”
Myth: There’s glory in it.
Truth: For all its rewards, entrepreneurship can also feel like a
thankless job. “No one tells me that I did really well, it’s always me
telling everyone else that,” says Amir Korangy, owner of the Real
Deal. Korangy says entrepreneurs need internal motivation and
reassurance because it rarely comes from outside. “After a few years,
you want someone to say you’re doing good work,” he adds.
Adopted from forbes.com.
Read full article : http://www.forbes.com/2009/11/12/small-
business-myths-entrepreneurs-management-myths.html

the
humidity of the Haitian night the victims hopelessly
stagger through the streets whispering to voodoo deities
as Ugandan Christians blame it on Satan. Some shall
envy the dead for after the quake comes the plagues, the
thirst, the hunger and the retrospection. Some will die of
loneliness, some will die of fear, some will kill and even
as they celebrate avoiding the first death a new death
Since the very first time when we both came in for the
internship interview she’s made me feel this way but I’m
waiting for the right moment ergo a promotion to CIO
coz I grew up in a laboratory and she in the real world
and whilst most people are totally comfortable expressing
their feelings the whole idea is a highly complex academic
problem for me and I compensate for my lack of charm

final
looms in earth’s belching gut as aftershocks continue to
rock the land.
They can almost touch the child now and the mother’s
excitement is hard to contain as she reassures her
frightened spawn. A few more boulders, a few more
with cash. She says she needs to send a photo via her
msn messenger and she hasn’t got a clue how to do it.
I’m about to get up but suddenly my administration
window indicates that an application is running low
on space. I tell her I’ll do it over lunch and bring the
administration window to the fore ground but just before

edit
“...nature has demonstrated
it’s brutality and in the
immense heat and humidity
of the Haitian night...”
It’s been a whole week but from beneath the incongruous
rubble a little hand emerges and punches the fetid air.
It’s weak and limp and if they don’t dig quicker and
carefully it’s little owner will certainly join the other two
hundred thousand thought dead. More anxiously they dig
inhaling the air that is putrid with the smell of rotting
Haitian humanity through improvised face masks, their
rudimentary tools making progress even harder. They
call out to the child who responds with a barely audible
cry and the anxious mother who led them to him can
scarcely hold back her tears. Once again nature has
demonstrated it’s brutality and in the immense heat and
planks of wood, a few more kilos of rubble and the child
may be free. A little pull, a tentative push and a bit
of effort later and the child is finally free. It’s time to
take the photo and cue CNN and BBC and Al Jazeera.
And the global chain of information exchange begins
as the image traverses across the globe from CNN to
yahoo.com to Associated Press to Reuters and finally
to the New Vision front page. It’s a powerful image,
an improbable story and a reminder of the incredible
resilience of the human being but it tells another story,
a much more familiar one. There’s a towering white
being in a safety helmet holding the frightened infant
negro form to the moonlit heavens surrounded by
concentric rings of humanity. The inner ring comprises
more white forms save for the bedraggled negro form
that is the weeping mother and the first negro forms
appear from the third rings onwards and they are thin,
disheveled creatures holding rudimentary tools, pitiful
nonentities in the story that are blurred out by the final
edit.
My darting eyes look up at the browser title bar and I
realize I have an incoming message from Majorie. She’s
first class proof that the company intranet was a flat
out failure as no body uses it. Normally she calls me
when she has a problem with her internet or when she
can’t open attachments in her mail. She has the lowest
technical aptitude I’ve ever encountered and normally
that would piss me off but each time I see her certain
ganglia in my brain fire and all I can compute is images
of her and I that even Da Vinci would be shy to paint.
I click the space management utility link she goes,
“Please darling I need to do it now...”. The combination
of please and darling destabilizes momentarily and my
finger becomes paralyzed with indecision as I chose
between a potential down event and being sweetly
exploited by Majorie.
“Why do u have to do it so urgently?” I ask. “There’s
this white guy I met at sway and he’s asked me for my
picture...am so excited!” she goes. She really sounds
excited and its obvious this guy could take her if he
wanted but he wants to so logically he has. There’s an
instantaneous explosion of discomfort in my mind and
the picture I was looking at just a few moment’s ago
returns to haunt me. I’m thinking how much I want
her, how much every guy in this building adores her
and how she has started a mini war between Tech and
Marketing and a skirmish between the cleaning staff
and the security and how she gives every trouser in this
building a massive erection and I’m wondering just how
she could be so excited about some random white bloke
she met at Sway. Somehow he has relegated all of us to
the periphery and blurred our desperate negro faces in
the final edit and a triumphal white face now dominates
the foreground standing victoriously over the spoils as we
helplessly look on.
By Mark Abraham
<the writer lives and works in London. Enuf said>

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workzine
Poetic Indulgence
Fingerprints
She will Love Me In the Darkness, you are the Light
In between my Tears you are the
I will call her this evening Smile
I will tell her I love her Your arms are Home
I will ask her to call me Your warmth like a new Dawn
She will call Tom instead. Then you brush my Cheek
And the <ark is sealed
I will surprise her with dinner Mould yourself into Me
During Dinner she will text Tom Transform my inner Being
I will meet her more often Look down into my Eyes
She will ask for her space. Tear my Skin apart
Gaze at my Soul
When I pick her in my car Touch if you can
She will ask for my residence Tonight I come undone
She is in love with the residence, its Drink from my Cup
contents too. Drink to your fill
Mariah says she too is a lady For I will give you more of this
And ladies adore nice things. With the Fingerprints of your hand

On her birthday I will present her an Auma Maria

automobile
Mariah is in love with Tom
There used to be one thing
The house, automobile, property, Mariah
One thing that often made me smile
also loves.
One thing that made me excited
One thing that got me all Happy
Mariah and I are married now.
She too is a lady
That one thing is now gone
There
And ladies do like nice possessions
Even when the giver is me. A widower.
There use to be one thing
One thing that never let me down
used
Mariah will love me
One thing I clung on to desperately
One thing I was so happy to give to be
She is my trophy
A prize to be show cased.
She will love me.
But its now a thing of the past
One
There use to be one thing
Ronald Rwakigumba
One thing that made me Cry Thing
Not tears of sadness but of Joy
Jan 2010.
Whenever I remember that one thing
Sadness sweeps over my entire being
It was YOUR LOVE but its now gone

Mubiru Bridget

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The Feel of You
I catch a whiff of you around me,
And it wakes my inactive mind,
I start to think of you unconsciously,
Wishing I could rub against your skin,
And feel your warmth one more time.

The thought triggers the desire building inside,

It awakens the longing from a deep sleep,
Heating up the ecstasy my senses dream of,
For hours I stay locked up in a sensual trance,
Rousing feelings not many words can describe.

I call on you barely audible to my own ears,

Hoping you can feel my voice across your chest,
When I spell each word on it with my tongue,
I want this to be the secret only your heart can keep,
Held sacred every time you take over my mind.

Sheila

He loudly proclaims that he Lovers Her And usually leads to Division

Normally he is a loud and noisy Star But is humanity not One Legion?
But when he is close to Her And is religion not meant cause
All he can do is Stare Fusion?
For he is the humblest guy Ever
Nothing Now look at this poem I Write
Most say they detest
Corruption Makes Its something I write with
Insight

Sense
That they work for the Hoping it will make someone
Population smile Inspite
But take a close look at the But am sure it will bring forth
Situation
Their port bellies are a true
Anymore Spite
Nothing makes sense Anymore.
Manifestation And am Right!!!!
That they are Variables at both ends
of the Equation Bernard Ewalu Olupot
P.R.O
Then there is thing they call Religion Voice Communication (U) Ltd
It has quite often caused Confusion

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8
workzine
know your rights

sexual
harassment
T
he Employment Act materials, or unwelcome physical
2006 states that sexual contact as a regular part of the
harassment occurs when work environment. However, a
a request is made indirect or single isolated incident will not
directly for sexual intercourse, be considered hostile environment
sexual contact or any other form harassment unless it is extremely 2. Train employees, supervisors
of sexual activity by an employee outrageous or managers on:
or employer. Measures to combat sexual What sexual harassment is and How
harassment at the office: to utilize the complaint procedure
The sexual harassment could be
in the form of: 1. Adopt a clear sexual 3. Monitor your workplace.
Quid Pro Quo Harassment harassment policy. (The Keep the lines of communication
(“Something for something”): Employment Act states that an open.
employee who employs more than
This refers to an express of implied 25 people at the work place is 4. Take all complaints seriously.
promise of preferential treatment required to have in place measures According to the Employment Act,
or express or implied threat of to prevent sexual harassment). an employee is entitled to lodge a
detrimental treatment related to That policy should: define complaint with the Labour office to
the job. For example, a supervisor sexual harassment, state zero deal with such complaints.
promises an employee a salary raise tolerance for sexual harassment,
if she will go out on a date with state disciplinary measures for By Jackie Kasoma
him or tells an employee she will be any wrongdoers, set out a clear <the writer is passionate about
fired if she doesn’t sleep with him. procedure for filing sexual human rights and likes visiting
harassment complaints, state the dentist !!!!! Seriously !!!>
Hostile Environment Sexual investigation procedures for any whereas the laws referenced here
Harassment: claims, and state zero tolerance are Ugandan, they are more or
This occurs when an employee for any retaliation against a sexual less the same worldwide– ed
is subjected to comments of a harassment complainant.
sexual nature, offensive sexual

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workzine

REVIEW :
A Thousand
Splendid Suns
A
work of fiction that is able to
alter the mindset of the most
placid reader is a rare and
beautiful find. A Thousand
Splendid Suns is one such tale, about
the lives of two Afghan women, in
the midst of a war that strips them of
everything they have and know. There
is no hope for them to start over, the
law prohibits it and fate will not permit
it. This agonizing and yet, enlightening
journey is etched with violence, pain,
grief, courage and eventually hope. It
is a vivid depiction of how religion and
culture are used to justify the brutality
with which human beings treat each
other. It is also a testament of the
sheer strength of the human will and
the ability to endure and prevail.
I couldn’t help but draw parallels
between the situation portrayed in the
novel and that in our own backyard.
Human rights violations are rampant
in Africa and the world over. We
have become a docile people, too
polite to pry or ask questions even
when atrocities are being staged right
before our eyes. We place the people
in power on a pedestal and expect
them to solve all our problems, while
turning a deaf ear and blind eye
to a woman who is abused by her
husband, in our neighbourhood. Our
leaders cannot do for us, what we
have failed to do ourselves. It is ironic
that although South Africa is the only
country in Africa that has legalised
homosexuality, it is one of the most
unsafe places for gay people who are
terrorized and abused by their own
kin. The law cannot be for us, what it. I hope it will spur you to love and
we must be ourselves. This is one respect for all human life, regardless of
responsibility that is ours, and ours gender, age, religion, position, status,
alone to carry. sexual orientation or race.
That being said, I want this book to Have a great read
make you uncomfortable. I hope it
causes you to open your eyes, find By Becky Wana
a solution, and then become part of

So “A Prophet”, a prison drama by

MOVIE REVIEW :
definitely not the “Apocalypse Now”
Jacques Audiard, has been released of my generation that it was billed
in the cinemas and is awash with as. That was a weird line for that

A
the ooze of love that has seeped out
of the pores of every critic in sight
(except for Mr Au Contraire, who
should stick to art criticism). Rightly
film, comparing the two movies just
made it obvious how average it really
was. It’s like using Jonny Depp as
your wingman, madness. Although

PROPHET
so, it’s a damn fine film. But why oh
why wasn’t more attention paid to
“A Serious Man” when it came out
a month or so before? It was one
of the saddest, wittiest, strangest
and utterly disquieting comedies
I’ve seen - it reminded me of “Dr
Strangelove” and some of those great
Woody Allen films to put it into a
bit of context. Annoyingly I did have
to watch it on a computer screen
as between the two cinemas in the
lovely town of Bath there was just
the one showing of it which I missed
(grumble - might’ve had too much
drink and forgot - grumble).
Why do critics insist of championing
the same film? A couple of years
ago it was “Brokeback Mountain”
- it was pretty good but come on it
wasn’t that good - and then there was
“Jarhead” which was just boring and
it did mean I re-watched Coppolla’s
masterpiece again...
By all means go out and watch “A
Prophet” because it’s a good film
(if a little long) which I thoroughly
enjoyed. But “A Serious Man” has
stuck with me much more, it was
warmer and smarter. Plus the
surrealism in it doesn’t sporadically
introduce a ghost for no discernible
reason, just a rabbi quoting Jefferson
Airplane through an impossibly
wrinkled face...
By Rowan Emslie
<the writer is a lazy literary genius,
hopefully a diamond that someone
will pick up from the dirt in the
pigsty. >

www.theworkzine.com
10
workzine

Piff Pictorial

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 11
workzine

Piff
Pictorial

www.theworkzine.com
12
O
k, so here’s the thing, I have no idea what to write,
SURPRISE!! But our dear darling Editor will not take
kindly to having a blank page in the workzine… (Of
course I will NOT be sidelined), so it falls to me to try and fill
this page with something, not sure what yet but I’m pretty sure
something will come up. You will read all the way to the end,
won’t you? Even if I do break into song?
So here I am, sitting at my pc… sound familiar? He he, don’t
worry; I’m not going to go through all that again, at least, I
think not. It really was a good story you know, sitting in the
parking lot and all… I just don’t remember all of it now.
Where was i? Oh, nowhere yet, huh? The workzine is great,
you know that? And not just cuz I write for it (hmm, its been a
while since the old ego looked in, Wassup dude?
HEY!!
You know I cannot function without you, so what gives?
YOU WERE WALKING ALL OVER ME!!
Ach, shush! (For some reason, I can never type the word
“shush” properly the first time round, always comes out as
shshu or shsush or hsush… annoying, huh?))
You know, it just occurred to me the other day that (really, you
don’t have to listen to my ruminations, you’ll either lose your
way or get me so thoroughly confused I forget the point I’m
trying to make and just go like, “No, what I mean is, uh uh,
workzine
idler’s corner
no, its like…” you catch my drift, don’t you? I know someone
who does that and I’m supposed to be the one who can dance
circles around their head!!) Well, it just occurred to me the
other day that… hmm, what occurred to me?
See that person I told you about? She just called me so now all
I have going on in my head is a pleasant buzz… aah, that feels
good. (Ed, designer or whatever, I want a smiley face here, and
not one that looks constipated like some of those yahoo ones,
I mean one that’s actually hig-ppy I meant happy, happy, not
high, just happy). You know what, gimme a few moments; I
need to just go let it out. (you know, if it were alcohol giving me
the buzz, this would be the time I’d be heading for the urinals,
and doing my best to aim for the one in the middle, never
mind that when I was completely sober there was just one, but
seeing as it is not alcohol (cross my heart) I am just going to
stand outside in the sun and grin like a complete idiot for a bit,
and try my best not to do the “Sound of music” thingy.)
Aah, that was nice, you know, the feel of the sun on my face,
the cool breeze floating over from the lodge next door, (it’s
called Paradise Guesthouse, seriously, Paradise?!! At least the
other one stuck to Guddy’s, oh, that one used to be called Luts,
until someone added an “S” somewhere). Ok, the feel of the
sun was nice, for now; hopefully it doesn’t turn out to be one
of those baking hot days that can actually get you to sympathize
with what the cake goes through before it’s ready to eat.
You know what, let me just tell you about my lunch. I know
I’m having breakfast now, that doesn’t exactly stop me from
talking about lunch, now does it? (by the way, on a completely
unrelated note, I just heard about “boda boda” (the place, not
the popular road hazard) the other day (ok, so maybe I do live
in the past. But just a bit), maybe that’s what occurred to me?
Hmm... Anyway, heard about it and how it’s for only the elite
(or so they believe apparently, but seriously, they are going to a
place called “boda boda!”) of our bourgeois society and… and
I have completely forgotten the point I was trying to make.)
Hmm, well, back to my lunch. (Hang on a sec; Yes Abid, I know
I’ve gone way past six hundred words, bite me. Not literally.
They never do manage to fill the page anyway. Hey hey hey, I
said not literally!! Okay, okay, I’ll stop, I’m stopping! Sheesh!!
Crazy bugger.)
by Brian b, countinho

B.L.U 3 Unplugged
THE IDLE THOUGHTS SERIES Let me get to the point!
[V1.0.1] Jacky Chandiru has survived coz she is Jacky Chandiru. Let’s say that again.
The theory of simple answers JACKIE CHAN DIRU. Yes! She shares a name with one of the all time greats of
the Chinese movie industry.
My dear Lilliane for some reason shortened her name to Li. She had no idea that
would be her reason for survival in the group - I don’t think Jet Li needs any
introduction here.

Ok now let’s see..........

C.I.N.D.E.R.E.L.L.A!!

Correct me if I’m wrong but I have never seen any Cinderella theme in any kung fu
movie to start with.... let alone any @$$ kicking lady called Cinderella!
To be fair, let’s check out the other name. S.A.N.Y.U!
That name would make the Kabaka happy anyday but folks, do you now see why
she had to leave???

>>Fast forward to the replacement. Mya!

Easy stuff! You all remember the always bad and tough Mr. Miagi? or is it.... Mr.
MYAgi??? hehehehehe. See?

I remember Edith (Mya) from the Kombat days. She looked like a “Baganda” (her
second name) but some make up artist had to go on and upgrade her to look like a
Chinese movie star to make up for the lack of prolificity that Mr. MYAgi had in the
industry as compared to Jackie Chan and Jet Li. Hmmmmmm!

BLU 3
...okay, now I see you are beginning to think I’m too idle, right?

Well, may be, may be not! After all, it’s my idle thoughts, right?

Fine, let me leave you with a challenge:

Get any of those “blingi da balance” speaking people [boda boda, taxi conductor,
There has always been this BIG question as to whether and how one of the famous etc]
music acts in the country would may be defy the history book keepers’ notion ask them to pronounce these two names:
surrounding all-girl singing groups and survive the test of time. I would have 1. Blu3
thought that this needed a BIG answer as well but it never occured to me that I 2.Bruce Lee
would get an easy one (answer) during one of my idle breaks.
I rest my case!
I think it has everything to do with the mind of the person responsible for the
group’s survival. People, I honestly think this person is so into “Hya-Hu-Hyeng”
Disclaimer
movies (Kung-fu movies) that to be in Blu3 you need to have some kind of
connection with the action stuff.
The “Idle Thoughts” series which has begun with unplugging Blu3 is solely meant
This might not have been openly portrayed for all to see but it takes a simple mind
for fun [Jokes] for bored Ugandans at work and does not represent the views of
to figure it out. This person might not even know it himself but it’s a manifestation
of the usually ignored subconscience.
the writer! By Keba Eric

www.theworkzine.com

workzine
comedy central
What I have here you will not believe. This,
lays ‘n gennermun, is no ordinary Coca
Cola. This, friends and colleagues, is a
Speke Resort Munyono Coca Cola.
Naturally, therefore, it costs a lot more
than a merely mortal coke. Two thousand
five hundred shillings. Now, experience
13
evidently just been scrubbed with steel
wool.
You should know that this was at the
poolside at Speke Resort. It costs 20,000
to swim in the Olympic-sized pool on the
premises, but to just sit around and not
swim at all costs 10,000. That’s the entry

Management has shown the wise among us, those of us

who are not too stupid or stubborn to learn,
that when it comes down to it, when you
break it down to the bare essentials, there
charge for non-swimmers.
Why would they charge you to do nothing?
It’s not because they are after your money,
by the way. No. It is evidently to discourage

reserves
is no difference between a coke from that
converted container outside your school and
a coke at a posh hotel.
It’s like Rihanna vs That Chick From Vogue
Magazine on UBC. The difference is not
broke muhfuckers like myself from thinking
they can just stroll in and buy nothing but
a coke and then stroll out as if Speke F.
Resort Munyonyo is their kafunda.
I am willing to bet, I am willing to bet a

the right in the essence. The difference is in the

ephemera. In the superficial, the surface,
the add-ons, the things that surround the
essence. You see, when it boils down to it,
lot of money, that if I was actually a big
spender, probably from outside countries,
Nigeria inclusive, and I walked into Speke
Resort Munyonyo’s pool area dangling

of
Rihanna and TCFVMOUBC are basically
the same thing: sources of televised
amusement. The only difference is the
packaging. Riri is soooo hot, banange.
It’s the same with a coke. And if I pay a lot
Toyota Harrier keys and wearing Ray-Bans,
and if I actually swam, then got out of the
pool and ordered a Milan steak with my
coke, that shit would come in a glass. With
a lemon wedge and some ice. On a coaster.

admission more for a soda, I expect it to be Rihanna.

I expect it to come in a very clean glass.
With a wedge of lemon and some ice. On a
coaster. And with a waiter if not a waitress
smiling as if they would sincerely be more
than happy to wipe my ass for me should I
require it.
I certainly did not expect to pay 2,500 bob
for a soda in a plastic tumbler that had
And the waiters would offer to wipe my wet
ass for me.
I am sure of it.
By Ernest Bazanye <the writer obviously
doesn’t drive a Toyota harrier but seems to
have a weird dream of a waitress wipe his
wet ass>

REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATE QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAISAL REPORTS

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for
employer or publisher, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After
careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to
accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a
contract to publish my book].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an
unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied
and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept
all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this
letter]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does
not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your
firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get
creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].
Sincerely,
[your name]
1. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
morbid curiosity.
3. I would not allow this associate to breed.
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cor
nered like a rat in a trap.
5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to
change whichever foot was previously in there.
6. He would be out of his depth in a puddle.
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. She sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.
9. This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the
better.
10. This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot.

www.theworkzine.com
14
workzine

Why Should I Care

F irst of all, don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t for a
minute doubt the purity and sincerity of the feelings
you have for the victims of the Haiti quake. A lot of people got
Perhaps we are more inclined to care about circumstances
we believe we have a hope of changing. We, as the non-
earthquake shaken world, see the problem as children trapped
a seriously messed up deal that day. It sucks. under rubble. We can get behind the cause of lifting the rubble
and freeing the children.
Now, outside my office building, sits a man. He has been there
for years. He’s not well. Something is wrong with his head and We don’t see it as a problem of children trapped in a cycle of
he just gravitates to this office—or to the spot on which this dehumanising deprivation that feeds on itself and from which
office was built—no matter how many times he is sent away. there is no escape.
A few years ago some reporters found out that he was from
Gulu and got the money together to send him back. In a couple Perhaps the size of the tragedy before us compels us to care
of months he had returned, to just sit outside the offices, just more. An earthquake killed 150,000? That will get more status
sitting, silently. He doesn’t talk. Doesn’t even beg. He just sits messages than the 178 or bodies that were dug out of a pits
there. I called him No Guarantees. He now has elephantiasis. and wells in Jos, Nigeria, victims of religious murders.
His legs are swollen and disfigured and I think they may be
rotting because they smell. On our way to lunch we don’t use Because I have learned to be such a cynic and believe that
the side of the pavement he is on. everything anyone does they do because they perceive it at
some level to be in their best interest, I am going to consider
Of course we think it’s a shame and a pity that this had to that we chose to care about the things that cost us the least.
happen to a human being and,
honestly, if I could donate 10k If unearned suffering is deserving of Auden, contemplating a painting by
off my phone bill to cure him of sympathy, then Haiti has been owed Brueghel the Elder one day observed
elephantiasis and poverty and a telethon for years before the quake how this, and many paintings of
whatever else ails him, I would. But hit. But for all those years, Haiti was momentous occasions, both sad and
there is nothing so simple that I in the blind zone – the suffering we glorious, always had some mundane
can do. To save him I would have to don’t see Or don’t look at. detail of everyday life pursuits going
make some very large sacrifices of on in the background, unconcerned
my own. We all would. And that is why it is just easier to block with the dramatic events in the fore. “About suffering they
him out. were never wrong, The Old Masters; how well, they understood

It a strange thing that it is a possible thing. We have the
capacity as human beings to do this—to walk right past
him every single day without being overcome by feelings of
guilt or pity or sadness. We do it every day. And it’s not just
No Guarantees. The world is teeming with dire straits that we
disregard.
Its human position; how it takes place while someone else is
eating or opening a window or just walking dully along...” He
observed how “everything turns quite leisurely away from the
disaster.”

If unearned suffering is deserving of sympathy, then Haiti has

been owed a telethon for years before the quake hit. But for Name Withheld.
all those years, Haiti was in the blind zone – the suffering we <the writer requested for name to be withheld>
don’t see Or don’t look at. Because I think you have to make What is your response to this article? Email us at
an at least demi-concious effort to not care. You have to pick theworkzine@gmail.com
and chose what you are going to spend your limited amount of
sympathy on.

www.theworkzine.com

workzine
The After Work Read:
Remembering 2009
2
k9 season’s festivities have wound up to a sadistic
halt. (1) The meltdown continues to bite harder
into the coffers like a hungry sub Saharan termite.
(2) You are stuck behind familiar furnishings,
eyes glued to a laptop screen, working like an office mole,
the kind that silently generates legal tender for whoever
cares to harvest from your sweat. That must be painful,
but cheer up; here is this time’s concoction of meaning-
less banter to help your hours run a little bit faster towards
whatever is left of your annual leave or basic pub time.
Presenting this edition’s after work read, take it away…..
Propensity for nudity
I guess you have always wondered what kind of moral
diet the scribes at yours truly thrive on, I have too. Their
regurgitation unearthed the kind of perversion that would
make a retired porn star green with envy. It is arguably
the worst since ‘Mr Schneider’ the retired porn star in
question, of the late 70’s, dude must have turned in his
grave with thunderous applause. It is rumoured this dude
invented everything that your nearest video library will
gladly and most importantly illegally distribute to any
modern day teenager. He orchestrated modern day adult
cinema with the slogan: porn and perm for a man of
pomp’. How I wish I was the one who made up the name
and the story: that means don’t bother with Google. But
back to the scribes, they threw unto us a series of rudely
naked citizens in compromising position, holding uncom-
promising equipment. They made sure there was a good
mix of nationals, its as though the entire continent was
black mailed, a flavour of senior chaps engaging in wicked
molestations with the ever cooperating junior ones in a dif-
ferent location than their home country and wearing fab-
rics made from another shortly before they went haywire.
If you missed out on this blinding experience perhaps the
chap seated next to you knows a friend who received a
bulk sms originating from without, of which after viewing
the contents, he or she retired for the day with unquench-
able disgust. The one where the female holds onto her
trophy voraciously in her twos still provokes….wait for it
x2…emotions of gender triumph in some circles.
Social satiety
Speaking of emotions and provocations, this year also saw yourself. It is for your own good. Shalom.
social unrest last seen, well, in the previous year. Whether
it is against the modus operandi of foreigners, a general
dislike for rule of law, or whatever social mismatch, Ugan-
dans proved to have a high affinity for unrest. And to stick
to tradition, most roads were closed off for a period of 3
days, working days if I may add. This must have put a sly
www.theworkzine.com
15
smile across your face so much that after years of spiritual
abstinence you must have re-joined the Sunday congre-
gation to silently pray that the differences lasted a week
more in between two other public holidays that the rest of
the world rightfully acknowledge. How the mayhem began
is still scanty but from the work-ezine desk, some abrasive
in the wee hours of a stray mid week, instead of sweating
like the rest of us, gathered a lynch mob of 30 men, ad-
ministered a lethal dose of political hypnosis. After which,
we all know what ensued: cue iron bars, cue stones, cue
tear gas amidst the loot of the once than the MUK students
ever staged a couple months earlier as sort of a preamble.
The populace always slow to react thanks to the financial
melt down was caught unawares as men went on rampage
like deranged Batmen. On a sad note lives were lost; in
exchange there was a 3 day curfew that didn’t stop Rouge
from opening till late, what more motivation was required
to foster the financial meltdown.
Culture or revamped witchcraft
The financial meltdown managed to be in the headlines for
the best part of the year. Any alien could mistake it to be
the number one cause of gonorrhoea. And here at 256, it
meant that locals had to think extra to milk unsuspecting
locals of hard earned legal tender using local herbs. It is
amazing how herbs last used in the 1800’s resurfaced with
the vengeance of an Egyptian mummy. But here is why.
Money and happiness can never be mentioned in the same
breath, but that is a notion you and me have refuted time
and again. But to stress the century old conundrum, money
is not happiness, and this is the loop-hole some locals
exploited to put bread on the table. This was the sequence
or there about: he/ gets money, he/she can’t do it right
because he/ she does not have it in the right places, he/ she
dials a certain 07-number to get herbs to redeem the situa-
tion. If you are creative enough, it is like a secret-code you
can actually feed into MS Excel to appreciate the cyclic
tendencies along side your boss’s never ending traumatis-
ing assignments. I will leave that to your imagination but
you can get a hint from that friend recording stray phone
numbers on road side electricity polls.
Any complaints or comments are strictly to be kept to
By Mufumbiro Isaac
<The writer is an auditor.>
16
workzine
Nasty
Lessons
in New York
I
t’s interesting when out of the blue at work, your boss turns to
you and asks if you would like to take a tour of the big apple,
relax and get to see the Statue of liberty, enjoy fine cuisines,
stroll through Central Park, climb up Empire state building, take
a night boat tour , meet people from diverse cultures, experience
the hectic and confusing use of the subway, order Macdonald
burger and even more exciting , you are to do it more than once
in a year. For a typical white collar enthusiast, you turn to you boss
and say : “ofcourse! Where do I sign?” Little do you know that the
legal department/HR has been diligently working for three months
to produce a watertight three paged contract with a number of
draconian clauses. And of course the declaration binding you to the
company couldn’t by pass the chief editor’s ears. He seriously had to
hint on it <see #1 Workzine>.
There is no fun in traveling till you reach your destination. But
sometimes you learn the hard way. For a meager $100 extra on a
ticket denied cost me 8 hours in transit instead of 2 hours. There is
nothing cheap in a Duty free shop, especially on shirts and ties! I
was advised by HR that when I arrive in New York, I should only
use a yellow cub costing $50 and act as if I was a typical born New
Yorker so as not to be duped with common high charges. But ended
up spending $197(net salary for some WorkZine readers, no offence)
on a black cub heading to the financial district-Manhattan. Forget
not this lesson; when you go to Rome, seriously do what the Romans
do and pay the damn cub driver his tip. Always use the yellow cub
and not any Limo services .
Y
O Diana Ssali
U 1. Drops of Jupiter - Train
2. Satisfation - Eve
R 3. Chariot - Gavin de Graw
4. Adrienne - The Calling
5. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows
6. Bibanke - Asa
P 7. Loving you - Alicia Keys
L
8. Say it All Over Again - James Morrison
9. Pimpin All Over the World - Ludacris
A 10. Yellow - Coldplay
11. I’m Yours - Jason Mraz
Y 12. Father and Son - Boyzone
13. When Love Takes Over - Kelly Rowland
L 14. Hey There Delilah - Plain White Ts
15. Wake Up alone - Amy Winehouse
I songs is evidence of exactly how memorable those boy bands were.
S Diana Sssali
<the writer had the onerous pleasure of
T jumping at Wyclef Jean in Nairobi and
he signed on her ……. t-shirt>
www.theworkzine.com
Come day one of class, anxiety catches up to me . Before leaving for
this trip, I was drilled by colleagues on how I’m going to be learning
with the top brainy recruits from around the world. And how the
courses are gruesome and intense . Au contraire!! I have 30 minutes
of learning, in between breaks, munching cookies and washing them
down with lattes (that’s where I got the extra weight) and having sushi
or burgers for Lunch. Every evening is really intense training in the
bars and streets of New York. Some crucial lessons I learnt is that
when you have a hot European blonde whispering in your ear with
a strong Celtic accent the whole evening, accompanied with zero
proximity between you and her, do not think she is’ hitting on you’.
She might just be having a normal conversation with you. These
are commonly defined as a normal body gestures back in her home
country. It took 5 of us, disappointed guys to figure it out on day 4 of
the training.
Being summer, I really understood how a slow cooked turkey felt
in the oven. I had to get rid of my tie and wanted to don shorts.
One thing for sure, Nsaba Buturo<Ugandan Minister of Ethics and
Integrity> would not appreciate the mini skirts and short - shorts that
parade and flaunt the streets of New York during summer.
Shopping is very crucial as you move from on e store to another.
But one should never go with a colleague from Europe whenever
shopping. You find that your salary is 10% of what you colleague
earns. Interestingly, you can’t fail to find a flea market in this
cosmopolitan city. The problem is when you start converting every
cent to a typical Ugandan shilling; so many zeros appear that you
just turn your head and look on as your colleagues keep on swiping
their cards. I also tried my Crane Access visa card to show we can
also swipe but ended up paying cash because I had not deposited
any cash on that account. Bugger!!! At least I have learnt my lesson.
When I go back, I will be prepared. Watch out New York!!!!
Hire Edward
<the writer is an underwriter,of sorts, who has enviable annual
trainings in NY that he uses to make his girth more round and head
bigger >
Ded:
The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script
I’m at my desk at 6 p.m. on a public holiday, paying for the fact that I
was out until 4 a.m. last night even though I knew I’d have to put in at
least 8 hours of work today. Did I feel guilty while I was out? Not once.
Do I regret it now? Not a chance. Contrary to the general opinion of
everyone around me who considered me ‘the baby’, and thought I didn’t
get the music, the DJ was good. I’m young (in comparison to the senior
citizens whose company I was in), but old enough to appreciate good old
90s music.
So, last night in the middle of one of those 90s songs, I remembered the
concept of DEDS. Remember Deds? You (and by this I emphatically
mean YOU and not ME) would write a long elaborate letter to that girl
you spoke to for 5 minutes at some Geography seminar, and then at the
end of it you would write something like this:
Deds:
1. I Wanna Know by Joe
2. Some song by the Backstreet Boys
3. Some song by Nsync
4. Lucky by Britney Spears
5. I will always love by Whitney
Of course, back then you would have known the names of those songs,
but that was years ago, and my inability to remember the names of those
So who made Deds cool? For the record, I never thought that they were,
and if anyone can produce evidence that I ever sent one, I will very
calmly deny, deny, deny (which is apparently the secret to a happy mar-
riage. Gosh, I learned so much last night).
~Gnuts~
<the writer has an interesting pseudonym that
reflects an obsession with peanuts>

workzine
Events
Uganda’s Natioanal Insurance Corporation is listing on the
USE at 45ugx per share. Foreigners allowed. arubongoya@cres
tedsecurities.com / www.crestedsecurities.com
Lantern Meet of peots will be hosting a poetry recitle with
musical interludes on the 6th February at the National theater.
0712 589913,0714 562048,0776 589913
David’s fellowhisp is organizing a beach bash at Nabbinooya
beach on 13th February at 10000ugx. Call Eddy 0782923126
Comedy Nite every Tuesday at RED NITE PUB-BAT
VALLEY THEATRE
17
Sales &
Services
SOLO INTERNATIONAL Presents The UGANDAN
NIGHT, (EKIDUULA KY’OMWEZI) Every first sunday of
the month, Launching at The New CLub AMBASSADOR
Barking. We will have the very Famous Dr. TEE, LAILA,
MC MOSE, SPILLA FO REAL and other Artists fresh from
UGANDA, Also we will be playing you the GREATEST HITS
from motherland UG. At 20-30 LONDON ROAD

Birthday shouts to : Kampala book club launch on 5th Feburary at the National
Mark Abraham Paul Katandi Obonyo theater from 17.05 till 20.05
Ekrem Oyar Trevor Tushabe
Malcolm Tony Ngonzi Henry Islamism and Radicalisation on British University Campuses
Akidi Pamella Katusabe Barbara Lecture by Robin Simcox from the Centre for Social Cohesion
Martin Kasozi Paulian Kazibwe on Wednesday, 03 February 2010, 17:00 - 19:30
Pauline Awuyat Joh Johannes Lecture Room XI, Brasenose College
Ssemakula Angel Elimu Rweheenya
Karugonjo Emodek Casey David Sarah Ndagire acoustic concert at Alliance Francais Kampala
Muhumuza Roy Wesley, Mwisya Hamza on the 12th Feb from 19.30 till late
Chris Mulindwa Gunnernkosa Jonathan
Mukooza Victor Phillip Ssali, Fund raising program for Haiti Relief on Saturday, 06
Rowan Emslie Atukunda Atu February 2010 from 17:00 at First Presbyterian Church ,
Lydia Wampande Mark Mande Street: 42 Elm Street , Potsdam, NY
Lourd Matt Wonges Kitatta
Mogambi Nyamongo Musiime Moses BOB MARLEY Birthday @ B-CLUB with LIVE CONCERT
Ronald Rubagumya Kevin Musungu Natty Dread 6th February 2010 from 8pm only @
Richard Obasoni Priscilla Mbabazi B-CLUB- KIGALI. DOORS OPEN @ 7pm, LIVE CONCERT
Ruth Ankunda Baldwin Okello STARTS @ 8pm, LADIES FREE ENTRY BEFORE 8pm.
Edwin Agaba Irene Nabwire Info English: 0788600444 .Info French & Kinyarwanda:
Samuel Rhys Jones 0722600444

Jawani Katam! On 3rd Feb at Conventry university : This
Lecture is dedicated to Alcohol and Alcofrolics. A Pass can
only be obtained by getting absolutely wasted, and i will be the
official examiner!!! Minimum pass mark is 60% hammered!
Maurice Magembe will be going for Mongolian on 5th Feb
with Friends to usher in the new month
SALES AND SERVICES
French— English translator available.
email theworkzine@gmail.com
Original VW Golf ‘95 model, directly imported from
Germany. UAE, left drive, manual, excellent mech condition.
1 owner, 6M call +256790790199

To Write Love On her Arms Day: To Write Love on Her
Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting
hope and finding help for people struggling with depression,
addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to
encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into
treatment and recovery. To Write Love On Her Arms Day is a
day where anyone can write the words love on their arms, to
support those who are fighting against depression and those
who are trying to recovering.
Poet’s Corner will be having a Poetry recital on Tuesday,
09 February 2010 from 18:30 - 19:30 at 21 Old Ford Road,
Bethnal Green London E2 9PL London, United Kingdom
Toyota Ipsum on sale at 11.5m (UAM/Q) pearl-white. Full
time 4WD with extras. Interested parties
call Andrew 0392960024/0701960024 or Bob 0772933000.
Three houses available for rent in Entebbe ann Kampala
at 700USD. 2 bedrooms, one bathroom, exquisite italian
finishing, all semi detached with top notch security,
call Andrew 0772534722
Do you have a great idea but finding problems coming up with
a solid business plan? Or is your business plan lacking?
Call 0712682520 to solve that nagging problem

www.theworkzine.com
18
workzine

YOUR Favorite foods

and what they contain.
On average an American in his lifetime eats 15cows, 12 sheep, 900chicken and tones of diary products.
This trend has first caught up in Africa (Dr.Loraine.Day). Foods claimed to be favorites contain the
following and affect our health in the following ways:
Hamburgers are got from “four D” animals namely; Dead., Diseased, Dying and Deformed. Imagined you
consume one of these.

Ice cream: strawberry flavor contains benzyl acetate whose side effects include nausea, diarrhea. Pineapple
flavor has ox acetate which causes damage to the liver, kidney and is used in making textiles and leather.
Banana flavor contains propanol used for killing flies and used as oil in paint solvent. Other flavors have
ingredients specific to them and affect us differently.

Fish apparently has protein, true of course. Majority of the fish has no mandatory inspection, 10% of it
has mild poisoning. The poison becomes more concentrated as the fish eat up the algae, when finally
consumed it would be 1000 times more poisonous with chemicals such as mercury, petroleum and
hydrocarbons. Imagine this boiled fish produces carcinogens especially those caught 200miles off shore.
For sweet chocolate, biscuit lovers, a lot of sugar consumed is bad. Sugar is worse than nothing because
it drains and leaches the body of precious vitamins and minerals through the demand its digestion,
detoxification and elimination makes upon one’s entire system. Excessive sugar has a strong mal-effect on
the functioning of the brain. The key to orderly brain function is glutamic acid, a vital compound found in
many vegetable. B vitamins are also manufactured by symbiotic bacteria which live in our intestines. When
refined sugar is taken daily, these bacteria wither and die, and our stock of B vitamins gets very low. Too
much sugar makes one sleepy; our ability to calculate and remember is lost.
Please remember there is when a food is a food and when it’s poison.
Isiagi Moses. Bsc(sports science) p.e. trainer, massage therapist, personal trainer
<the writer is one of the best diagnosticians one can encounter.
Too bad he is not as arrogant and self-centered as House>

www.theworkzine.com

T
here is something about
women that many people
pretend not to understand,
and yet it is quite clear. I really
dont know why people say they are
difficult. One just has to understand
the universal concepts that link
all women. Dont say women put a
price tag on love or relationships. or
any other nonsense that insinuates
greed. Its just how God created them.
Besides, it is common knowledge that
there is something about a woman
pulling money out of her wallet that
dries up her love! Anyway now the
moral of the story, or the point, or the
continuation!
I was bored oneday, watching some
irrelevant stuff on an irrelevant piece
of equipment, when the irrelevant
person said something that seemed
irrelevant, but was very true. Dont
worry, i will share.
This irrelevant person said that
women are a specie that can
compromise on alot of things, like
how a man looks, education, sex, etc,
but there is one thing they will never
compromise, and that is lifestyle. A
woman, according to this irrelevant
creature, could never go backwards
when it came to lifestyle. Evidence
commences as follows:
The very first guy shantiliquisha
ever dated, was a lousy shmuk with
braces, plump and skinny depending
on the weather, and was almost
expelled for body odour. But the one
thing he never failed to do, was buy
her lunch. She was never without a
great meal whenever classes ended,
workzine
truth
about
women
be it break, lunch, after lunch, tea
break, you name it, and she didnt
even have to carry her mother’s
sweetpotatoes to school. From that
day forth, the standard was set. There to Seychelles. You couldnt even
was no dating a guy who could not
buy her meals.
Later, when technology caught up
with her. the man she had at that
time always woke her up with credit
for her phone. On a good day, it was
up to 10,000, and on a bad day it was man who will buy her meals, send
500. This was good. After he left, the
next guy had to be able to buy credit
and keep her phone alive.
It may not be written in stone because things that could come after. A
the floods may come and the stone
will sink to the bottom, but it is real.
Ladies, remember the first time you
dated a guy with his own car; friday
nights were nolonger about hanging
out with alot of girlfriends so that you
can each foot the bill for the taxi cab,
regardless of how boring the
company actually was. They were
www.theworkzine.com
19
nolonger about packing flat shoes in
yourbag for the long walk back from
the party! Your man had you covered.
Youcould happily leave the club and
wave to your friends as they stood by
toflag a cab. From that day forth, the
cute, tall glass of wine with no ride
just didnt cut it!
What about the first time you dated
that guy with his own apartment? You
visualized your closet space. No more
packing all your clothes when it was
time to leave, incase his mama found
sexy underwear in her only child’s
room. You could scream as loud as
you wanted and give orders with no
obstacles. After that, there was no
way in hell you were dragging yourself
back to any mother’s house.
And the first time your man took you
on a trip. It was a romantic getaway
pronounce the name of the island, but
you loved it! If the next guy couldnt
come with a passport ready for use,
he was definately of no use.
All in all, when it is time to tie the
knot, a real woman should have a
her credit, drive her around, put a
roof over her head, take her travelling
all over the world, and all the other
woman will not, and should not settle
for less.
On that note......... im looking for the
next guy! One who can give me just
3/4s of his salary!!!!!!!!!
Sarah Akelly
<No Relation to R. Kelly >
$ £ $ £ $
20
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