Jim Bentons Tales from Mackerel Middle School

Dear Dumb
Diary,
Lets Pretend
This Never Happened

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ISBN-13: 978-0-439-62904-1
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Copyright 2004 by Jim Benton
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ROUGH PAGES

40

Dear Whoever Is Reading My Dumb Diary,

Are you sure youre supposed to be
reading somebody elses diary? Maybe I told
you that you could, so thats okay. But if
you are Angeline, I did NOT give you
permission, so stop it.
If you are my parents, then YES, I
know that I am not allowed to call people
idiots and fools and goons and halfwits and
pinheads and all that, but this is a diary,
and I didnt actually call them anything. I
wrote it. And if you punish me for it, then I
will know that you read my diary, which I am
not giving you permission to do.
Now, by the power vested in me, I do
promise that everything in this diary is true
or, at least, as true as I think it needs to be.
Signed,

PS: If this is you, Angeline, reading this, then HA-HA!

I got you! For I have written this in poison ink on
a special poison paper, and you had better run and
call 911 right now!

PSS: If this is you, Hudson, reading this, I have

an antidote to the poison and it is conveniently
available to you through a simple phone call to my
house. But dont mention the poison thing to my
parents if they answer. I think they might be all
weird about me poisoning people.

Monday 02
Dear Dumb Diary,
I was out playing with my beagle, Stinker, this
afternoon and I was doing that thing where you
pretend to throw the ball and then dont throw it
and Stinker starts running for it until he realizes you
didnt really throw it at all. Usually I only do it two
or three times but today I guess I was thinking
about something else, because when I finally
realized that I hadnt thrown the ball yet, I had
probably done it about a hundred and forty times.
Stinker was a little bit cross-eyed and foamy and
he wouldnt come back in the house for a long time.
I wonder if dogs can hold a grudge.