Ramadan Monologue

Amnesty in Ramadan
In 2 weeks, I was pinged with the demise of 5 known relatives and
friends. 3 had blood ties, my uncle and 2 distant cousins. Whos
next? My inner voice whispered. Did they supplicate O Allah, bless
us in the months of Rajab and Shaban and take us to Ramadan
echoed within me? Will I survive to experience this Ramadan and
the Night of Power? I was skeptical as to whether my supplication
was accepted. Did I sincerely submit to my Creator? Did I obey Him
and abstain from all that He prohibited? Our beloved Prophet
(sallallhu alaihi wasallam) said..if the food you consume is haram,
your supplication will not be accepted Was I lackadaisical about
the food I consumed?
I figured the best I could hope for was camaraderie through my
wavering thoughts. Who shall I call to vent my cry? My almost
indispensible smartphone beeped signaling to bounce me a solution.
It was a banner tweeting a headline on my retina-display which read
Malaysia considers amnesty for illegal immigrants. My thoughts
were disrupted when the touch screen opened with a brush of my
thumb. Aliens were given a chance to surrender without any fines
or imprisonment, pardoned and deported back to their dwelling they
left for greener pastures.
They got away scot-free for committing an offence to the country?
Amnesty means forgiving for a wrongdoing, right? I yearn for
amnesty from the Most Forgiving before I breathe my last. Flicking
to close the application on the screen captured my glance over the
Nobel Quran App which comes handy for reference and was inviting
me for a spiritual discourse. Bismillah and the page displayed AlZumar:53 Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all
sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving , Most Merciful. I could hear my soul
rejoicing with hope Amnesty from Allah in this blessed month.
My confidence was renewed and I diligently made the ablution and
secluded myself to my favorite corner facing the first House built for
worshiping the only One God. My voice was cracking as I declared
Allahu Akbar. I couldnt recite a single verse from the Nobel Quran
which was revealed in this Holy Month. Tears were flowing profusely,
weaving through my beard which I sported as it is the only visible
Sunnah of my beloved Prophet (sallallhu alaihi wasallam) that will
accompany me to the grave.

Could I perform my prayer with humility? The kind of prayer Allah

would be pleased for all the blessings He had showered without
asking. I composed myself and completed my 2 rakaat of Tawbah

and raised my hands and begged for forgiveness and desired for
many more Ramadans Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him
in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (Al-Baqarah:
222).
-Seefu-