CAL AND GRADY

"Pilot"
Written by Rodney Ohebsion

Copyright 2015

INT. CAL, GRADY, AND AGNESS HOME (KITCHEN) - DAY

CAL (28) is standing and facing a window to the backyard.
GRADY (28) walks in.
GRADY
Dude. What are you doing?
CAL
Look outside. Do you notice
anything unusual?
Grady scans the backyard.
GRADY
You mean that guy lying in the
grass?
BILL (40, black, wearing a suit) is lying face down in the
yard.
CAL
Um. I was gonna say that theres a
yellow frisbee
(points somewhere)
in that tree.
GRADY
Dude--thats not a yellow frisbee.
Thats the sun.
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Cal and Grady stare at Bill.
CAL
Hello?
Bill continues to lie face down in the grass. Cal looks at
Grady. Grady touches Bills arm. Bill doesnt react. Grady
shakes Bill. Bill still doesnt react. Cal tickles Bills
armpit.
CAL
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Again, Bill shows no reaction.
Grady begins to say something to Cal, but he stops. He
pauses for a few seconds. He starts again.

2.
GRADY
Um. Im gonna ask you a
question--and I dont want you to
take this the wrong way. But, uh,
did you kill this guy?
CAL
... Dude--you know Im not a
murderer, and you know Im not
racist. So why would I kill a guy,
and why would the guy I killed be
black? If I ever kill a guy, hes
not gonna be black, and hes not
gonna be dead. Now let me ask you
ask you a question--and I dont
want you to take this the wrong
way. But, did you kill this guy?
GRADY
I just asked you that.
CAL
And as Benjamin Franklin used to
say, "Whoever smelt it, dealt it."
GRADY
That only applies to farts--not
murders.
AGNES (80) enters the back yard.
AGNES
Hi, boys. Do you know where our
whiskey is?
GRADY
Its where it always is. You drank
it all.
CAL
Uh. Agnes. Would you happen to know
why theres a dead guy in our
backyard?
AGNES
No. But if black people are gonna
start moving into this
neighborhood, then Im moving out.
GRADY
This guy isnt moving into the
neighborhood. Hes dead in the
neighborhood. .... Did you kill
him?

3.

AGNES
Certainly not.
GRADY
But of the three of us, youre the
only one whos racist.
AGNES
But Im not a murderer. I dont
want blacks to die. I want them to
live. In Africa.
GRADY
(to Cal)
OK. I think we should, like,
analyze this situation. Lets, um,
start with the facts.
CAL
OK. Fact one--this guy is dead.
GRADY
Fact two--hes in our backyard.
AGNES
Fact three--hes black.
CAL
Fact four--I didnt kill him.
GRADY
Fact five--I didnt kill him.
AGNES
Fact six--I didnt kill him.
CAL
OK. That was a good investigation.
Im gonna go inside and eat some
Fruit Loops.
Cal starts walking towards the door.
GRADY
Were not done yet.
AGNES
Yeah. We need to investigate some
more, to see if this guy stole our
TV.

4.

GRADY
Hes dead! Dead people dont steal
stuff.
AGNES
But youre forgetting one important
fact.
GRADY
Whats that?
AGNES
Hes black.
GRADY
Agnes. Enough. Now, um--lets see.
Was this dead guy here yesterday?
AGNES
No. I wouldve noticed a black man
in our yard.
CAL
Wait. Maybe this guy was white and
alive yesterday, and he was
sunbathing, and he got a really
intense tan that killed him.
GRADY
Dude. Dont be stupid. It takes at
least a week for a white guy to get
a black tan. Um--maybe we should,
like, call the cops.
AGNES
Right. Because this guys black.
GRADY
Because hes dead. Cal--call the
cops. Im gonna go inside and eat
Fruit Loops.
Cal takes out his phone.
CAL
(calls out the numbers as he
dials them)
119.
GRADY
The number is 911.

5.
CAL
No. Its only 911 in Australia, due
to the Coriolis effect.
GRADY
Just dial 911!
Cal dials.
CAL
(into phone)
(in Australian accent)
Gday, mate. Theres a dead guy in
our back yard. But we didnt kill
him.
INT. POLICE STATION INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
Cal, Grady and Agnes are seated. Two DETECTIVES (male, 45)
are standing in front of them.
DETECTIVE 1
What are your names?
AGNES
Agnes Watson.
GRADY
Grady Kaymart.
Cal takes out a mini bottle of whiskey and drinks from it.
CAL
(in Australian accent)
Cal Reagan.
DETECTIVE 1
Youre not supposed to drink in
here.
CAL
(in Australian accent)
No. Its OK, mate. Alcohols legal
in Australia. Fosters. Australian
for beer.
DETECTIVE 2
Shut up!
DETECTIVE 1
(to the three of them)
Now, how do you three know each
other?

6.

GRADY
Me and Cal work together.
DETECTIVE 1
What do you do?
GRADY
Were pool cleaners.
CAL
(to Detective 1)
We clean pools.
DETECTIVE 2
(referring to Agnes)
And how do you know her?
GRADY
We live at her house.
CAL
(to Detective 2)
Yeah. You know. We sleep there, and
eat hamburgers, and we watch Jerry
Springer, and sometimes we watch
Sex and the City.
GRADY
Not that often, though.
CAL
Yeah. We dont watch Sex and the
City that often. Were not gay or
anything.
DETECTIVE 2
We dont give a shit what you
watch! We want to know how Bill
ODonnells dead body ended up in
your backyard.
CAL
I dont know. Why dont you ask
Bill ODonnell?
DETECTIVE 2
Because hes dead.
AGNES
And hes black. Black people lie
about everything.

7.

DETECTIVE 2
OK. Lets try this another way.
Multiple choice. How did Bill
ODonnells dead body end up in
your backyard? A: The tooth fairy
put him there. Or B: One of you
killed him.
CAL
What was C again?
AGNES
Hes black.
DETECTIVE 2
There was no C!
CAL
Look.
(takes a drink from his liquor
bottle)
(in Australian accent)
The only thing we know about that
guy is that hes dead.
AGNES
And hes black.
CAL
(in Australian accent)
And Fosters is Australian for
beer.
DETECTIVE 2
Shut your damn mouth!
DETECTIVE 1
(to Cal, Grady, and Agnes)
... Well. Lets just say that the
three of you killed Bill ODonnell.
CAL
But we didnt. We dont even know
who that guy is.
DETECTIVE 1
Well. Lets just say that you
killed him. Why dont you go ahead
and describe the murder? How did
you kill him?

8.

CAL
Uh... Can you give us multiple
choice?
DETECTIVE 2
Just think. How did you kill him?
GRADY
Hold the phone.
(to Cal)
This is the part where were
supposed to ask for a lawyer.
CAL
(to Detective 2)
(in Australian accent)
Oy, mate. We want to talk to a
lawyer. Preferably an Australian
lawyer.
DETECTIVE 2
Get the fuck out of here!
INT. POLICE STATION (MISC. ROOM) - DAY
Cal, Grady, and Agnes are seated at a table with their
LAWYER (male, 40).
LAWYER
So--do you know how Bill
ODonnells body ended up in your
backyard?
CAL
(in Australian accent)
We have no idea, mate.
LAWYER
Stop calling me mate.
CAL
Should I call you dude instead?
LAWYER
No.
CAL
Fine. By the way, dude. Who are
you?

9.

LAWYER
Im your lawyer.
CAL
Oh. How much do we have to pay you?
LAWYER
Nothing.
GRADY
You must be a pretty shitty lawyer.
AGNES
(to Grady)
Heres the best way to see if this
guys a good lawyer.
(to Lawyer)
Are you Jewish?
LAWYER
Yes.
AGNES
(to Grady)
Hes a good lawyer.
LAWYER
OK. Lets try to focus on this
case.
CAL
What case?
LAWYER
Youre gonna be charged for the
murder of Bill ODonnell. This is
gonna be the biggest trial of the
year.
GRADY
Why?
CAL
(to Lawyer)
(in Australian accent)
I know. Because the murder weapon
was a boomerang!
LAWYER
No. Because Bill ODonnell is
the Secretary of State.

10.

CAL
The state has a secretary?
GRADY
Of course the state has a
secretary. I mean, if, like, a
muffler company has a secretary,
then California also has a
secretary.
CAL
What muffler company?
GRADY
It doesnt matter what muffler
company. Its just an example.
CAL
Does the company make mufflers, or
import them?
GRADY
They import them.
CAL
From where?
GRADY
Bolivia.
AGNES
The only thing Bolivia exports is
cocaine. Just like all of those
other Mexican countries. All
Mexican countries export cocaine.
And all black people buy Mexican
cocaine--but only after its
converted to crack by a black guy
named Ray Ray.
(to Lawyer)
Isnt that right, Jew lawyer?
LAWYER
(to Everyone)
Can we just focus on the Secretary
of State? Who, by the way, isnt a
secretary. Hes an important
politician in Washington DC.
AGNES
And hes black.

11.

GRADY
(to Lawyer)
Well if that guy in our backyard
was a politician in DC, what was he
doing in Los Angeles?
LAWYER
Thats what I want to know.
CAL
(in Australian accent)
Maybe he was on his way to
Melbourne. Is LA between Washington
and Melbourne?
LAWYER
Actually, yes. But that doesnt
mean...
GRADY
Cal. You solved the case, bro. That
proves that were innocent.
LAWYER
No. It proves that youre idiots.
INT. PRISON CELL - DAY
Cal and Grady are in a prison cell containing a bunk bed.
CAL
So who gets top bunk?
GRADY
I dont know.
CAL
You know what we should do? Take
the mattresses and sheets, and use
all of them to build a fort.
GRADY
Dude. Lets focus on our murder
trial.
CAL
Are you saying you dont want to
build a fort?
GRADY
Of course I want to build a fort!
Thats a great idea! But we also
(MORE)

12.

GRADY (contd)
need to put together a legal
strategy for our trial.
CAL
I have an idea. Semen.
GRADY
What about it?
CAL
Like, um, forensics.
GRADY
What the hell are you talking
about?!
CAL
Im just brainstorming ideas.
GRADY
What ideas? All youve done so far
is say the words "semen" and
"forensics."
CAL
Theyre both legal words. Im
exploring legal angles. Semen,
forensics, crime scene, attorney,
evidence, alibi...
GRADY
Alibi! We can use that. Well talk
about where we were when that
murder took place.
CAL
Right. Yeah. If we were in Hawaii,
then how could we have killed that
guy? He wasnt in Hawaii.
GRADY
Neither were we. We were at home.
Which is also where they found that
guys dead body.
CAL
OK. That gives me a good idea.
GRADY
What?

13.

CAL
When were on trial, lets, like,
not talk about alibis.
GRADY
Yeah. The alibi thing is out.
CAL
I say we go back to my original
plan, and focus on semen and
forensics.
GRADY
Dude. No. Lets do some more
brainstorming.
CAL
OK. Um. Jury, gavel, objection, Al
Pacino, exhibit...
INT. PRISON VISITATION ROOM - DAY
Grady is seated on one side of the glass, and BRITNEY (28)
is seated on the other.
GRADY
So. Uh. Whats going on?
BRITNEY
Well. I was watching Inside
Edition today. And guess what they
did a story on?
GRADY
Um. A kitten who can play the
xylophone?
BRITNEY
No. Well, yes. But before that,
they did a story on how you killed
the Secretary of State.
GRADY
What song did the kitten play?
BRITNEY
"Chopsticks."
GRADY
Britney. I didnt kill that guy.

14.

BRITNEY
Grady. Chicken or beef?
GRADY
What?
BRITNEY
What are we gonna serve at our
wedding?
GRADY
Im waiting for my murder trial.
OK? Im not gonna talk about
chicken or beef right now.
BRITNEY
Fine. Lets talk about when were
gonna set our wedding date.
GRADY
I already told you. On July 5th,
were gonna set a date for when
were gonna set a date for our
wedding.
BRITNEY
So were still three degrees
removed from actually setting a
wedding date?
GRADY
Britney. If you keep on talking
about the wedding, Im gonna go
plead guilty and start doing 25 to
life.
BRITNEY
Fine. What do you want to talk
about?
GRADY
First of all, I want you to take a
picture of me, and then post it on
my Facebook profile. Prison photos
are freaking badass. Oh--and under
the picture, I want you to write
the words "not guilty of murder."
Actually, no. Write "guilty of
murder." That sounds more badass
than "not guilty of murder."

15.

BRITNEY
Fine. Whats your Facebook
password?
GRADY
Im not gonna give you my Facebook
password.
BRITNEY
Why? Is it because women message
you on Facebook?
GRADY
Honey. Can we please just talk
about my upcoming murder trial?
BRITNEY
Fine. Whats your alibi?
GRADY
Alibis are overrated. Were not
gonna go with an alibi defense, or
a semen defense. We have a
different legal strategy.
In another section of the room, Cal is seated on one side of
the glass, and MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY is shirtless and seated
on the other side.
CAL
So. What brings you here, Matthew
McConaughey?
MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Remember how in Dallas Buyers
Club, I was all like,
"Congratulations. Now fuck off and
go back to your bed."
CAL
Yeah.
MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
That was a good line. Anyways, I
noticed that you and Grady didnt
clean my pool today.
CAL
Yeah. We were busy. You know.
Getting charged with homicide.

16.

MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Right. Yeah. I heard about that on
Inside Edition. You know, I can
represent you guys. I mean, played
a lawyer in A Time to Kill, and a
lawyer in Lincoln Lawyer.
CAL
But, uh, have you ever, like,
passed the bar?
MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Even better. Ive won an Academy
Award.
(starts eating pork n beans
out of a can)
You want some pork n beans?
INT. COURT - DAY
An arraignment is about to begin. Cal, Grady, Agnes, and the
Lawyer are seated in the defendants section. A JUDGE (male,
55) is present.
LAWYER
(to Cal, Grady, and Agnes)
Alright, guys. This is
the arraignment. Theres not much
to it. We just plead not guilty,
and then you go back to jail and
wait for the trial.
AGNES
Whatever you say, Jew lawyer.
CAL
(to Lawyer)
Let me ask for for some legal
advice. On the last episode of Law
& Order, you know that blonde chick
in the Sears commercial? Do you
think she was wearing a bra?
BAILIFF
All rise.
GRADY
Dude--we didnt fucking kill that
guy.

17.
CAL
(to Bailiff)
Yeah. Look at the semen. Look at
the forensics.
JUDGE
Gentleman. This isnt the trial.
Its the arraignment. And we
havent even started the
arraignment yet. This is just the
prelimin...
GRADY
Exhibit A.
(takes a pen out of his
pocket)
This pen. How could I have used an
ordinary blue Bic pen to kill
someone? I mean, its just a pen.
Its not that sharp. Let me show
you.
He uses the pen to stab the Lawyer in the arm.
LAWYER
What the fuck! Are you crazy?!
GRADY
(to Judge)
You see that, Judge. We couldnt
have killed anyone someone with
this pen.
JUDGE
Defendant--let me once again remind
you that this is not the trial.
Its just...
CAL
Exhibit B.
(takes a rope out of his
pocket)
This rope. We couldnt have used
this rope to strangle the
secretary, or anyone else. I mean,
look.
He wraps the rope around the Lawyer neck and squeezes.
LAWYER
Ah!
Cal releases the rope.

18.

CAL
See. This lawyer is still alive and
breathing.
Cal once again wraps the rope around the Lawyers neck and
squeezes.
LAWYER
Ah!
Grady pulls the rope off of the lawyers neck.
GRADY
(to Cal)
Dude. Thats not really the right
exhibit. I mean, theoretically, you
could kill someone with a rope. How
did you get a rope, anyways?
CAL
I bought in jail from Ramon, for
ten cartons of cigarettes and ten
grams of crack.
JUDGE
Gentlemen--please sit down, shut
your damn mouths, and stop stabbing
and strangling your lawyer.
LAWYER
(to Cal and Grady)
Yeah, guys. Listen to the judge.
CAL
Dude--were not paying you to
parrot the judge. OK? You better
start saying some shit that he
isnt saying. Like, um, Chicken
McNuggets.
LAWYER
Why the hell would I say Chicken
McNuggets?
CAL
Because. Exhibit C. We couldnt
have used Chicken McNuggets to kill
anyone. See?
Cal takes six Chicken McNuggets out of his pocket and starts
throwing them at the Lawyer.

19.
GRADY
Good thinking, Cal. Use the
McNuggets instead of the rope.
DENNIS (55) is seated in the court room. He starts clapping
his hands and chanting.
DENNIS
Defense! (clap, clap) Defense!
(clap, clap) Defense!
GRADY
Dad. What are you doing?
DENNIS
Im rooting for your team. Defense!
(clap, clap) Defense! (clap, clap)
Defense!
JUDGE
(slams his gavel)
Order in the court!
GRADY
Dude--no offense, but when you slam
that thing, you seem like a total
douchebag.
JUDGE
Im not a douchebag!
GRADY
You dress like a douchebag, too.
JUDGE
This is a judges robe!
CAL
Wearing a robe outside of your home
makes you look like a douchebag.
JUDGE
Im wearing a robe because this is
a court of law, and Im presiding
over a murder arraignment.
Matthew McConaughey is seated in the court and still
shirtless.
MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
(to Judge)
Congratulations. Now fuck off and
go back to your bed.

20.

DENNIS
Defense! (clap, clap) Defense!
(clap, clap) Defense!
JUDGE
(slams his gavel)
Order in the court!
MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Ill have some pork n beans.
CAL
And Ill have 12 Chicken McNuggets.
JUDGE
This isnt a McDonalds. Its a
murder arraignment.
CAL
(to Judge)
Murder? What murder?
JUDGE
You guys murdered Bill Jacobsen.
LAWYER
Objection, your honor. They
allegedly murdered Bill Jacoson.
JUDGE
Allegedly my ass! Weve been in
here for five minutes, and theyve
already stabbed and strangled you.
LAWYER
Good point. Objection overruled.
AGNES
(to Judge)
May I say something, please?
JUDGE
No. This isnt the trial. Its the
arraignment.
AGNES
Well. Im not familiar with all of
your legal terms. Im not a Jew
lawyer like
(points to the Lawyer)
this Jew boy. Now. Let me just say
this. I think all black people
should go back to Africa.

21.

The Judge slams his gavel.

AGNES
Stop slamming that gavel, you
douchebag. Now, like I was saying.
I think all blacks should go back
to Africa. Go back to Africa. Do
you see what Im getting at?
JUDGE
Yes. Youre racist.
AGNES
Listen to what Im saying. All
blacks should go back to Africa. I
want black people to live. In
Africa. And I want Jewish people to
live. Also in Africa. Except if
theyre my lawyer, or Jerry
Seinfeld.
LAWYER
Well. As your lawyer, Id advise
you to...
AGNES
(to Judge)
See. This Jew lawyer knows what Im
talking about. Now. If I think all
blacks should live in Africa, why
would I kill a black man? Instead
of killing a black man, Id give
him a one way ticket to Nigeria.
And Id tell the airline to
substitute his meal with one
watermelon and a pitcher of Kool
Aid. Thats what I want to do with
that Kenyan President of ours. I
want to give him a one way ticket
to Nigeria.
CAL
(to Judge)
Yeah. Plus,
(takes out the rope)
exhibit B. I mean, do you think
Agnes could take this rope, and
(starts strangling the Lawyer)
strangle someone like this?
(lets go of the rope)
No.

22.
GRADY
Damn at, Cal. I said stop
strangling that guy, and start
throwing McNuggets at him.
CAL
Im out of McNuggets. I ordered 12
in the court--but that douchebag
judge still hasnt made any
McNuggets.
LAWYER
(to Judge)
Your honor. I think what my clients
are trying to say is that they
plead guilty.
GRADY
(to Judge)
Dude. Listen. I dont kill
secretaries. All I do with
secretaries is try to have sex with
them. But not if theyre black men,
like the Secretary of State. I only
try to have sex with secretaries
that are women. Black or white. The
point is, even if a secretary were
to bring me, like, bad coffee, I
wouldnt kill him or her, whether
he or she is black or white. I
would, however, have sex with her.
But not him. I plead not gay. And
not racist.
Britney is seated in the court room.
BRITNEY
Grady. Which secretaries are you
trying to have sex with?!
GRADY
Britney. Im in the middle of a
murder trial.
JUDGE
Murder arraignment. This isnt the
actual trial. Its the arraignment.
Do you understand how that works?
CAL
(to Judge)
Exhibit D.
(takes a five dollar bill out
of his pocket)

23.

This is a ticket for the movie

Lincoln. How could I have committed
the murder in question, if on the
night of the murder, I was watching
an Abraham Lincoln movie at a
Hawaiian movie theater?
JUDGE
Thats not a ticket for the movie
Lincoln. Thats a five dollar
bill.
GRADY
(to Judge)
Exhibit E. My friend Cal is an
idiot. Do you think he could kill
someone, and not leave, like, DNA
or some shit?
CAL
(to Judge)
Exhibit F. My friend Grady is an
idiot too--and he leaves DNA
everywhere.
AGNES
(to Judge)
Let me just say something.
JUDGE
Oh brother.
AGNES
One time, I donated $20 to the
United Negro college fund. Because
I want negroes to educate
themselves, so that they can figure
out how to go back to Africa.
JUDGE
Alright. Im about to slam my gavel
again. But it doesnt mean that Im
a douchebag.
GRADY
Listen, douchebag. That guys body
was in our backyard. But we didnt
kill him.
CAL
(to Judge)
Yeah. He tanned himself to death.

24.
GRADY
No, dude. We eliminated the tan
theory. Because it takes ten days
to get that dark of a tan.
CAL
(in Australian)
But in Australia, it only takes one
day, because of the Coriolis
effect.
GRADY
Dude. Our house isnt in Australia.
CAL
Yeah. Our house isnt in Australia.
But maybe our backyard is.
GRADY
Yeah. Our backyard is in Australia,
if theres a fucking Atlantic Ocean
between our house and our backyard.
The Judge slams his gavel.
CAL
(clears throat while saying)
Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag.
JUDGE
Shut up. Now, Im only gonna say
this one more time. This is an
arraignment. All youre supposed to
do is plead guilty or not guilty.
Thats it. If you want to stab or
choke your lawyer, youre gonna
have to do it during the actual
trial that starts a month from now.
OK? Now, how do the defendants
plea?
A COURT OFFICER walks in.
COURT OFFICER
We just got a confession from the
Vice President. Hes the one who
killed the Secretary of State, and
dumped his body in the defendants
backyard.
EVERYONE reacts.
The Judge slams his gavel.

25.
CAL
(clears his throat while
saying)
Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag.
JUDGE
Im not a douchebag! Now, um. I
find the defendants guilty of
pissing me the fuck off. But,
uh--it looks like theyre not
guilty of murder. You three are
free to go.
Everyone reacts.
GRADY
You mean we won the case?
JUDGE
Well. No. Id say you lost the
case. But you were acquitted
anyways, because someone else
committed the crime.
CAL
Exhibit G.
(takes a coupon out of his
pocket)
A coupon for 75 cents off a bottle
of Hunts barbecue sauce.
JUDGE
The trial is over, you dipshit.
CAL
Exhibit H.
(takes a bottle of barbecue
sauce out of his pocket)
A bottle of Hunts barbecue sauce.
GRADY
Dude. The trial is over. We got
acquitted.
CAL
(in Australian accent)
Oy! That means we got away with
murder!
GRADY
No it doesnt. We didnt murder
anyone. But apparently, were such
good lawyers, that we could get
away with murder.

26.

CAL
(in Australian accent)
Exactly! We could get away with
murder!
He takes out his rope and starts strangling the Lawyer.
EXT. BACKYARD WITH POOL - DAY
Cal and Grady are using nets to clean a pool.
CAL
Dude--the next time were on trial
for murder, maybe we can request,
like, to have Judge Judy as our
judge.
GRADY
What are you talking about? Judge
Judy only handles major cases--like
ones involving tampon theft.
CAL
Well. Whatever. Forget Judge Judy.
Id rather be on Cops or Jeopardy.
GRADY
Youve already been on Cops.
Remember that whole thing with the
trail mix?
CAL
I know, dude. Who the hell puts
hazelnuts in trail mix? Whenever
you come across trail mix like
that, you better believe some crazy
shit is gonna go down.
GRADY
I was just thinking. How come the
Vice President killed that
secretary?
CAL
I dont know. But isnt it crazy
that he killed him with a
boomerang?
GRADY
He killed him with a rope.

27.

CAL
Right. But you get my point.
GRADY
Ive known you for ten years, and
Ive never gotten any of your
points.
Matthew McConaughey walks towards them, wearing swimming
trunks and holding a towel.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Hey, guys. Is my pool clean yet?
GRADY
This isnt your pool. Were gonna
clean your pool tomorrow. What the
hell are you doing here?
MATHEW MCCONAUGHEY
I dont know. I just saw you two
cleaning a pool--and since you guys
are my pool cleaners, I figured
this was my home.
GRADY
But this isnt your home. Its
someone elses home.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Yeah. But you get my point.
Matthew McConaughey jumps into the pool.