Why Am I Still Single

10/06/2015
WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle
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KEY TOPICS
Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay

Single
Clearly,somepeoplearesinglebecausethey
choosetobe.Theyaresimplynotinterestedin
beinginaseriousrelationshipatthistimeintheir
life.Othersaresingleduetothecircumstancesof
theirlives.Theymayhavejustgottenoutofa
meaningfulrelationshiporhavedatedrelentlessly
andjusthaventfoundsomeonewithwhomtheyre
trulycompatible.Thepointofthisarticleisntto
stereotypeallsinglewomenormenortoput
anyoneinabox.However,forpeople,particularly
thoseover30,whoarelookingforanswerstothe
puzzlingquestionwhyamIstillsingle?,hereare
"Veryoften,weliveout
pastprescriptionsfrom
parentsandsociety
withoutreally
questioningwhatdoI
want?"
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someunconventionalanswersthatliewithin.
Whenitcomestodatingandrelationships,itshardnottofeelthatyouareavictim.Afterall,otherscanbe
cruelyouwillgethurt,andno,itisntalwaysyourfault.Buttherealityisthatweholdmorepowerover
ourromanticdestinythanweoftenthink.Toagreatdegree,wecreatetheworldwelivein,althoughwe
arerarelyconsciousofthisprocess.Wecan,infact,makeachoicewhethertoseeourfatethrougha
victimizedlensorchoosetobegoaldirectedandtakepoweroverourlives.Webenefitfromfocusingon
whatwecancontrolandnotwhatwecant.Wecanbecomeawareofthemyriadofwaysweinfluencethe
reactionswegetfromothers,eventhenegativereactions.So,thequestionforthesinglepersonlookingfor
loveis:whataretheinternalchallengesIneedtoface?
ABOUT LISA FIRESTONE, PH.D.

Dr.FirestoneistheDirectorof
ResearchandEducationatThe
GlendonAssociation.An
accomplishedandmuchrequested
lecturer,Dr.Firestonespeaksat
nationalandinternational
conferencesintheareasofcouplerelations,
parenting,andsuicideandviolenceprevention.Dr.
Firestonehas...ReadMore
BY LISA FIRESTONE, PH.D.

DoYouHaveanHonestRelationship?
5ThingstoDoTodaytoSaveYourRelationship
AChallengetoMothersEverywhere
AreYouSinglefortheRightReasons?
TheSecrettoHappinessandWellBeing
All(235)
RESOURCES
StopHatingYourself:AMethod
toOvercomeYourInnerCritic
1)Defenses
TheOriginsofViolenceinChild
Mostpeoplehavebeenhurtininterpersonalrelationships.Withtimeandpainfulexperiences,weallrisk
Abuse
buildingupvaryingdegreesofbitternessand
WhyAmIStillSingle?Learnthe
becomingdefended.Thisprocessbeginslong
beforewestartdating,inourchildhoods,when
hurtfulinteractionsanddynamicsleadustoput
upwallsorperceivetheworldthroughafilter
thatcannegativelyimpactusasadults.These
adaptationscancauseustobecomeincreasingly
selfprotectiveandclosedoff.Inouradult
relationships,wemayresistbeingtoo
vulnerableorwritepeopleofftooeasily.
If,forexample,youwereraisedbyparentsor
caretakerswhowerenegligentorcold,youmay
growupfeelingdistrustingofaffection.Youmay
feelsuspiciousofpeoplewhoshowtoomuch
interestinyouandinstead,youseekoutrelationshipsthatrecreatedynamicsfromyourpast.Youmaythen
chooseapartnerwhoisaloofordistant.Itisntalwayseasytoseewhenwehaveourdefensesup.Asa
result,wetendtoblameoursinglenessonexternalforcesandfailtorecognizethatwearentasopenas
wethink.
BarriersThatWardOffLove
UncoveringHappiness:
OvercomingDepressionwith
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ParentbyUnderstanding
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2)UnhealthyAttractions
FearofIntimacy:Understanding
Whenweactonourdefenses,wetendtochooselessthanidealrelationshippartners.Wemayestablish
anunsatisfyingrelationshipbyselectingapersonwhoisntemotionallyavailable.Becausethisprocessis
largelyunconscious,weoftenblameourpartnerfortherelationshipsfailedoutcome.Wetendtofeel
devastatedorhurtbytherepeatedrejectionswithoutrecognizingthatweareactuallyseekingoutthis
pattern.
WhyPeopleFearIntimacy
Whydowedothis?Thereasonsarecomplexandoftenbasedonourownembeddedfearsofintimacy.
Manypeoplehaveanunconsciousmotivationtoseekoutrelationshipsthatreinforcecriticalthoughtsthey
havelonghadtowardthemselvesandreplaynegativeaspectsoftheirchildhoods.Thesemaybe
BenefitsofMindfulness
ExclusiveInterviewwithMindfulnessExpert
Dr.JonKabatZinn
unpleasant,butbreakingwitholdpatternscancauseusagreatdealofanxietyanddiscomfortandmake
usfeelstrangelyalienandaloneinamorelovingenvironment.
Ourfearsofpartingwiththeimagewedevelopedofourselvesearlyonandstartingtoseeourselvesina
morepositivelightparadoxicallymakeusfeeluneasyandmaytriggerselfattackingthoughtslike,Whodo
youthinkyouare?Yourenotthatgreat.Thesefearsmaycauseustoholdontorelationshipswithout
http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/
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1/23
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potentialortofeelattractedtopeoplewhoarentreallyavailable,becausetheyreinforceournegative
imageofourselves,whichfeelsmorecomfortableandfamiliar,albeitpainful.
TheSpaceAroundThoughts
3)FearofIntimacy
Asmyfather,psychologistandauthorRobertFirestone,wroteinhisarticleYouDontWantWhatYou
SayYouWant,Mostofusprofessthatwewanttofindalovingpartner,buttheexperienceofreallove
disruptsfantasiesoflovethathaveservedasasurvivalmechanismsinceearlychildhoodPushingaway
andpunishingthebelovedactstopreserveonesnegativeselfimageandreducesanxiety.
Ourfearssurroundingintimacymaymanifestasconcernsoversomeonelikingustoomuch,an
understandablyirrationalreasonnottodateaperson.Orwemaypunishtheotherpersonbybeingcritical,
evenengaginginnastybehavior,essentiallymakingsurewedontgetthelovingresponseswesaywe
want.Therealityisthatmostpeoplecanonlytolerateacertainamountofcloseness.Wearedefended
aboutlettingsomeoneelsein.Ineffect,onadeeperlevel,wedontnecessarilywantthelovewesaywe
want.
4)Pickiness
Ourowndefensesoftenleaveusfeelingpickierandmorejudgmental.Thisisparticularlytrueafterweve
hadbadexperiences,whereweweredeceivedorrejectedbyapersonforwhomwehadstrongfeelings.
Manywomenstarttohavethoughtslike,TherearenodecentmenoutthereorAllthegoodonesare
taken.Menmayhavethoughtslike,YoucanttrustawomenorWomenareallouttotakeadvantageof
you.Wemayhaveunrealisticexpectationsforapartnerorpinpointweaknessesfromthemomentwe
meetsomeone.Whenviewingtheworldfromcriticalordistrustingeyes,wetendtowriteoffarangeof
potentialpartnersbeforeevengivingthemachance.Wethinkofdatingcertainpeopleassettlingwithout
everseeinghowthatpersoncouldmakeushappyinthelongterm.
Afriendofminefeltclosedofftoamanwhopursuedherformorethanayear.Althoughshesawhimas
kind,funnyandsmart,sheconvincedherselfthathewastoointoher.Shesaidhewastooneedyandwas
surehewouldwindupgettinghurtbyher.Sheoftenstatedthatshejustwasntattractedtohim.Themen
shewasdrawntoinsteadtendedtobeunreliableandemotionallydistant.Atherfriendsinsistence,she
finallyagreedtogoonadatewiththemanwhodbeenpursuingher.Whatshefound,tohersurprise,was
ahighlevelrelationshipchoice,apartnerwithwhomshesharedagreatdealofmutualinterest,and,
ultimately,genuinelove.
Whathersandsomanysimilarstoriesshowusisthatwhenwethinkwearesettlingforsomeone,we
maynotbesettlingatall.Wemayactuallyfindourselvesinarelationshipthatissomuchmorerewarding
thanthosewehaveexperienced.Ironically,initiallywetendnottotrustthepeoplewhoreallylikeus,but
whenwegivethemachance,wefindthatwevechosensomeonewhovaluesusforwhowereallyare,
someonewhocanreallymakeushappy.
5)LowSelfEsteem
SomanypeopleIvespokentohaveexpressedthesamesentiment.Theybelievetheywantafulfilling
relationshipmorethananything,buttheybelieveevenmorefirmlythatnooneworthwhilewouldbe
interestedinthem.Weallpossesscriticalinnervoicesthattelluswearetoofat,toougly,toooldortoo
different.Whenwelistentothesevoices,weengageinbehaviorsthatpushpeopleaway.Whenwe
remainsingle,itisnotforthereasonsthatweretellingourselves.Ourlackofconfidenceleavesusgiving
offsignalsofnotbeingopen,creatingacatch22intherealmofdating.Manypeopleevenhavetrouble
leavingthehousewhentheyrereallydownonthemselves,letalonepursuingsituationswheretheyare
likelytomeetpotentialpartners.Somestruggletomakeeyecontactorarereluctanttoscantheroomfor
whotheymightbeattractedto.Whentheyaredrawntosomeone,theymayfailtopursuetheirstrongest
attractionsforlackofselfesteem.
6)FearofCompetition
Alackofselfesteemoftenleadstofearsofcompeting.Itseasytoputourselvesdowninrelationtoothers,
especiallywhenitcomestodating.Whenwemeetsomeonewelike,itsalltooeasytothink,He/shecould
dobetter.Whenweseethatsomeoneelseisinterestedinthepersonwelike,wemaybequicktoback
away.Wemayfeelunwillingtocompete,particularlyaswegetolder,andwestarttohaveselfattackslike
Yourtimehaspassed,youretoooldforthis.Ourfearsofcompetitioncanleadustoavoidputting
ourselvesoutthere.Wemaybeafraidoflookinglikeafoolorofnotbeingchosen.Wemayevenhavefears
aboutwinningthecompetition,thinkingwewillhurttheotherpersonsfeelingsorthatoursuccesswill
resultinaggressionfromtheloser.Thesimpletruthis:datingiscompetitive.Itisscarytotakeachance
andgoforwhatwewantandcompete,butwhenwedo,wemostoftenfinditiswellworthittofaceour
fears.Weendupwithastrongersenseofself,andweincreaseourchancesofcreatingarelationshipwith
thepartnerwereallydesire.
7)IsolationandRoutine
Withage,peopletendtoretreatfurtherandfurtherintotheircomfortzones.Modernwomenaremoreand
moresuccessful,accomplishedandselfsufficient,whichareallextremelypositivedevelopments.Yetas
bothmenandwomengetmorecomfortable,beitfinanciallyorpractically,itisalsoeasierforthemtoform
abubblefromwhichitisdifficulttoemerge.Itcanfeelhardertotakerisksorputthemselvesoutthere.
Afteralongdayswork,manyofusmayfeelmorelikeputtingonpajamasandcrawlingintobedthangoing
outintotheuncertainandanxietyprovokingworldofmeetingpeople.
Theencouragementwefeeltostayhomeorstaysafeoftencomesfromourcriticalinnervoice.Thisinner
coachoffersselfsoothingwords,Juststayintonightandrelax.Yourefineonyourown.Haveaglassof
wine.Watchthatshowyoulike.Theproblemwiththisvoiceisthatitlaterturnsonyouwiththoughtslike,
Whataloseryouare,homealoneagain.Youllbelonelytherestofyourlife.Yourenotgettingany
younger!Noonewillbeattractedtoyou.Manyoftheactivitiesweusetocomfortourselvesactually
makeusfeelbadintheend,astheyresultinusavoidingpursuingwhatwereallywantinlife.Itsimportant
toresistfallingintoacomfortzoneandtorepeatedlychallengetheinfluenceofourcriticalinnervoice.We
shouldtakeactionandmakeanefforttogetoutintotheworld,smile,makeeyecontactandletfriends
knowwearelookingforsomeone.Weshouldtrynewactivitiesandeventrydatingdiversepeopleasa
meanstodiscovernewpartsofourselvesandwhatmakesushappy.
8)Rulemaking
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8)Rulemaking
Asyearspass,weoftendeveloprulebooksforourselvesregardingdating.Ineffect,weputwhatwehave
learneddownonpaper,butwhatlooksgoodonpaperdoesntalwaysworkinreallife.Whenweacton
rulesbasedonourpast,wecancreateaperpetualcycleofdisappointingrelationships.AwomanIknow
oncedatedsomeonewithwhomshehadamazingchemistry.Whenitdidntworkout,shedecidedtostop
lookingforaguyshefeltastrongconnectionwithorattractionto.Instead,shemadereasonablechoices,
andasaresult,shefoundfarlesssatisfyingrelationships.
Itsimportantnottomakefixedrulesortobuyintootherpeoplesruleswhenitcomestodating.
Stayingopenisoneofthemostimportantthingswecandowhenlookingforalovingpartner.Yes,we
mightgethurtbutwhenwestoptakingrisks,wereduceourchancesofmeetingsomeonewecouldreally
haveafuturewith.Relationshiprulestendtogohandinhandwithgameplaying.Theycanleadustoact
withlesssincerityandauthenticity,tocloseourselvesofffromhowwefeel.Ontheotherhand,staying
openandhonestwillleadustofindamuchmoreauthenticandsubstantialrelationship.
Seekingloveisntaneasyquest,butitsalwaysbesttotakethisjourneyonourownside.Itsimportantto
fightthepatternsinsideusthatholdusbackfromgettingwhatwewant.Wecantshieldourselvesfromthe
worldorkeepourselvesfromgettinghurt.Weallcarryflaws,andthesevulnerabilitiesareespecially
apparentwhengettingclosetooneanother.Thus,achievingintimacyisabravebattle,butitisonewell
worthfightingfor,eachandeveryday,bothwithinourselvesand,ultimately,withinourrelationships.
Taggedwith:
BEINGSINGLE
LIVINGSINGLE
DOWHATYOULOVE
MAKINGLOVELAST
FEAROFINTIMACY
RELATIONSHIPADVICE
INTIMACYISSUES
RELATIONSHIPISSUES
LEARNTOLOVE
ROMANTICRELATIONSHIPS
WRONGRELATIONSHIPCHOICES
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114 COMMENTS
Thomas
January8,2014at1:10pm
Youdorealizethatinthisarticle,earlyonyousaypeopleshouldnotworryaboutsettlingand
shoulddatesomeonenicebutforwhomtheyfeelnoattraction,andthenyoulatersaythatpeople
shouldkeeptheirstandardsupandlookforarelationshiptheycanbepassionateabout,andbe
carefulnottosettle.
Canyouseehowthismightbeconfusing?
Reply
Erin
Somepeoplestaysinglebecausetheywantto.Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundivided
attentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.Somestaysinglebecasuetheyareforcedtocare
forasickparent.Somestaysingletopursuehighereducationorjobsthatwillpreventthemfrom
focusingonarelationship.SomestaysinglebecauseofdevotiontoGod.Theresnotreallyanything
onyourlistthatispositive.Andseeingasthoughthedivorceratekeepsclimbing,Ibelieveitsclose
to56percent.Youarebetterofftakingyourtimeormakingsureitswhatyouwantratherthan
jumpingintoarelationshipsoothersdontthinkyouareweird.
Reply
Isela
May8,2014at8:31am
Nicelyworded.Iagree.
Reply
3/23
10/06/2015
GaryBrunecz
December30,2014at1:31am
themostimportantfactorinarelationshipismoney,afterallitisthenumberonereason
fordivorce,youcannotbuylovebutyoucanrentitforawhile.Peoplethatareattractive
areeasiertolove,butoncethatbeautyisgone,goodluck.Peoplehaveatendencytosettle
forwhatevertheythinktheycanget.Ifthosepreconceivedfactorswerenotprevalent,than
thereislittlechanceofaloveconnection.Itisreallysadthatpeoplehavetohaveareason
toloveothers.Itiscalledego.Anyonecanloveabeautifulperson,butIdaresomeoneto
loveauglypoorpersonwithalowIQ,thisworldisfakeandsoaremostofthepeopleinit.
Reply
RichardWinfield
Unfortunate,buttrue.
Reply
antoinette
February25,2015at3:47am
NoRichard,ittakesworkonbothsides.Whenonepersonresentsanotherperson
therelationshipfailsmoneyisonlyasymptomofwhattherealreasonisjust
likecheating,overspending,lyingandabuseBothpeoplehavetomakea
committosomethinggreaterthanthemselvesandthatsthemarriage.One
personcantcarryit,ithastobeajointresponsibility.
Reply
Charles
March24,2015at3:46am
Sotruenicelysaid,Itotallyagree.
Reply
sanjeev
February13,2015at12:39pm
whypeacewhomaybemindedthroughgodasinsokindnesswaygodhasgivetousbe
livinginourfamilysomanysmallkidswebornasperthesoleofgodgivethehappiness
peaceandsojoyfulllifeweliveeitherwethink,ourwife,kids,mother,fatherissostrong
youmaybedefinewhyyouarechangethelifeaspergodoraspernowyouthink?
Reply
darthpilsner
June7,2015at6:23am
Yourcommentmakesnosenseatall.AlsoGoddoesntexist.
Reply
sanjeev
eitheryoudonttrusttruerelationsmaybesideofgodifyounotdidanydreamyouare
dreamlesspersononlyyouthinkaboutyourselfabout
Reply
vickiesuggaheddington
March9,2015at6:42pm
WHAT?
Reply
ValbonaHaxha
Erin,
IcouldntstayawayfromreplyingtoyoubecauseyoumadesomestatementsthatIhadthoughts
on.
(Somepeoplestaysinglebecausetheywantto.)ButwhydotheyWANTto?Thereisalwaysan
underlyingreason.
(Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthana
relationship.)Likewhat,forexample?
(Somestaysinglebecasuetheyareforcedtocareforasickparent.)Thatdependsonthe
circumstances.Inmyculture(inanEuropeancountry),familiestakecareofeachotherevenwhen
marriedorinarelationship.TheydoitTOGETHERtopreserveandbringloveandunitytothefamily
andcommunity.Ifamandoesnotunderstandthat,thentherewouldbenomen.Mypointthere
AREmenouttherewhowouldbeunderstandingenoughthatyoucareforyoursickparent,andmay
4/23
10/06/2015
AREmenouttherewhowouldbeunderstandingenoughthatyoucareforyoursickparent,andmay
loveandappreciateyouevenmorefordoingso.
(Somestaysingletopursuehighereducationorjobsthatwillpreventthemfromfocusingona
relationship.)IcouldnthelpbutbringupAbrahamMaslowshiearchy.Ashenoted,youcantfulfill
thetopofthepyramid(educationispartofit)withoutfulfillingthebottomofthepyramid(Love,self
esteem,effection,belonging,etc).Whathappenswhenyouhaveajobandthenfindoutyoure
missingbeingloved?Itcouldmeanyourjobwillstillbethereandprobablyevenbetterperformed
whenyouhavesomeonetherewhogivesyoumuchneededsupport.
(SomestaysinglebecauseofdevotiontoGod.)NotonesingleholybookofGodsworddoesitsay
NOTtopursueapartnerandbuildalovingrelationshipand/orfamily.Notasingleone.Being
devotedtoGodalsomeanssubmittingtohimandhisteachings.
(Theresnotreallyanythingonyourlistthatispositive.)Youreentitledtoyouropinion.Ibelieve
itspositive.
(Youarebetterofftakingyourtimeormakingsureitswhatyouwantratherthanjumpingintoa
relationshipsoothersdontthinkyouareweird.)Icouldnthavesaiditbetter! Takeyourtime,
butdontbescared.Butnohavingalovingrelationshipmeansloving,butweird.Ifpeoplethink
thataboutyou,perhapstheyneedtoreadtheadvicecolumnshere.
Reply
turbotchuck
April21,2014at12:02am
(Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthana
relationship.)Likewhat,forexample?
inmycase,mystudies.icanrelatemuchtothisstatementbecauseiexperiencedhavinga
relationshipwhilestudying,theemotionalstresstookatollonmeandaffectedmystudies,
imaveryemotionalandsensitiveperson,soendingthatrelationshipandandtaking
controlovermypriorities,inmycase,finishingupmyarchitecturecoursehelpedmealot,
andyeahimanarchitectnowandstillsingle,butwhyamistillsingle?thatwouldbea
differentstorynow.
Reply
Thnkr917
Obviously,youveneverheardofcatholicpriests,Nuns,Monks,etc.Therearealotof
peoplewhostaysingleforreligiouschoices.
Therearealotwhostaysingleforpersonalchoicesthatarevalid.
Asforme,IstaysinglebecauseIsimplydontlikemyselfinarelationship.Idontlike
makingsillychoices.Idontlikestress.Idontlikegettingdistractedandlettingotherthings
goinmylife.IresentallthemenIdatedthroughoutmysonschildhoodwhowastedmy
precioustimewithmychild,onlytonotbeveryseriousaboutmeintheendandyeaImay
bepunishingafewgoodguysoutthereforthat,butIjustgottiredofthecontinuous
insincerityandbs.Idontlikeputtingmyselfoutthereforthethousandthtimetogetbody
slammedemotionally.MaybeIdohavebigissues,butifIdontgetintoromantic
relationshipsthenitsnotthatobvious.IfunctiononthejobandIcomehometomypets
andmylife.Ispendtimeonoccasionwithfriendsandacquaintances,butnotromantic
ones.IguessIsimplyusedupeverybitofmydatingenergywhenIwasyoungandstupid
andnowIdonthavetheenergy.IalsofearthatifIdateagainImightslidebackintothat
terribleunfulfillinglifeIhadwhenIwasyounger,theonewhereIspentallofmyenergy
onromanticloveandnoneofitonmyfamilyandmycareerandmyself.Otherthanitbeing
kindoflonelyIhaveagoodlifeandIdontwanttorocktheboat.Iromanticinterestwould
havetostartbysomehowreassuringmethatthepersonwasgoingtomakemylifebetter
somehownotupsetit.
Reply
ValbonaHaxha
Meanttowrite,*notweird,onthecoupleofsentences.
Reply
Julie
Anexcellentarticle.Thankyouforyourinsight.Iwillmakeuseofit.
Reply
Al
Ilookafteranagedparentmymum.
Whatwomenwantsgooutwithaguywholooksafterandliveswithhismum?!
Ilived14yearsawayfrommymumandwhencircumstancesforcedmetogobackandlookafterI
intendeditwouldbeforabout2yearshowevercircumstancesforvariesreasonsmadefeelobliged
tostay.Icertainlydidnotwantto!
AlsomyparentsdivorcedwhenIwas24.Myfatherremarriedanddivorcedagainmybrother
marriedadivorceeanddivorced.
AllthismademeapprehensivetowardswomenandbecamehighlyselectiveIntheprocesshave
becomeconvincedwouldratherbesinglethanlivewithsomeonewhodidnthavethesamevalues
interestsoutlookonlifeletalonepersonalityandphysicalattraction.
Mybestfemalefriendatthemomentismydog.
Shesadventuresslovestoexplorecutefunnyanddoesntknowhowtoaccessmybankaccount.
5/23
10/06/2015
Shesadventuresslovestoexplorecutefunnyanddoesntknowhowtoaccessmybankaccount.
Reply
Yvette
Thisarticledescribesmesoperfectlyitsabitscary.Ididnotknowallthisaboutmyselfbutitmakes
somuchsense,andIfeelempoweredwiththeknowledge.However,nowwhat?IneedpartII.Im
currenltyintheisolationandroutinestage,thecomfortzone.AndIm50.Iwantadoover!Withthis
knowledgeanda20,25oreven30yearoldpersonsoptions,Icouldhavereallychangedmylife,
maybegottenmarriedandhadsomekids.Now,notmanyavailablemenmyage,intheseneckof
thewoods,whoareinterestedinsomeonemyage,andthekidsarealonggonedream.Imokay.
But,sigh,whatcouldhavebeen.(Ilearnedmoreaboutmyselffromthisonearticlethancountless
sessionsfromacoupleofunhelpfultherapists.)
Reply
Jina@PsychAlive.org
Imsogladyoufoundthisarticleempowering,Yvette!Nowwhat?isagoodquestionYou
mightwanttoconsidertakingDr.FirestoneseCourseonCreatingYourIdealRelationship,
whichbeginsinacoupleweeks.Dr.Firestoneisgoingtoexpandonalotoftheideasshe
mentionsinthisarticle.
Reply
Matt
LoveisagelessYvette.Iknowatonofpeopleinrelationshipswhoarenteven
happyletalonefulfilled.Becarefulwhatyouwishforandpassionateaboutwhat
youalreadypossessandyouwillshineforalltowitness!Bewellandnevergive
up!
Reply
Hema
September27,2014at5:50am
Im27andthisissome!!!Ihaveaguywhoispursuingmefrom6years!!!AndaguyI
knowfromayearwhoIhaveahugecrush(love???Tooscaryeventoadmit)buthe
mightbedatingsomeone,wealsohaveelectrifyingchemistry!!!
Ohandmybestfriendoftenyearsandmeareveryattachedtoeachotherinawaythat
resultedinourbreakupswithourrespectivepartnersfewyearsago..wealsohadafling
afterthatforfewmonthsanddecidedwearebetterofffriends..
Imustbeacasestudy.!!Sigh..afterallthismessallIwanttodoistostayhomeand
relax,focusonmyjob,travelandhangoutwithfriends..relationshipisacrazyscary
thing...
Reply
eloise
Againabigheapofculturaldosanddonts.Norealoriginalthoughthereanditseemsmorelike
propagandaformonhogami!
Reply
Bandara
April1,2014at7:56am
Ibecameapartofthatbunchtoo.Iam34maleandstillthinking
Iliketosharemyexperienceswithotherreaderstoo.Forme,Itwas
01.Fearforevenaslightcriticism.Ididmanydifferentjobsduetothesamereason.BecauseIwas
notabletobearit.Asingleword,Look,Reactionmakesmerunawayanditmakesadisasterforme
andmyemployertoo.Iamveryinnovativeandyesverysmartemployeeandtheyallknewit.
02.Demandingunlimitedloveandaffection.Thoughiknowitsverybadidea.Lovecannotbeearned.
Iamveryaffectionateandtheresnolimits.Itdoesntmeanseverywomenhasthesamecapacityto
love.
03.Beingromantic.Ofcauseromanticpeopletendtobreakeasilyoncetheyfeelandseeother
personisnotromanticasheis.Diplomacyworksbetterthanromance.Romanticmenareverysharp
andsensitivefrominsidedespiteofhowtheylooklogicalandsmartwhentheywalkaloneinthe
street.
04.Sex.Ifyouaretooenthusiasticandimaginative,becarefulasyourmindisfertile.Itmeansthe
ideasyouprocessinyourwetfertilemindmaycrazyforyourdrymindedpartnerwhodont
understandany.Nomatterhowmuchyouloveher.
Ifyouareaknowledgeseeker,youcanreadthebookKeyoflifebyPrashTrivedi.Forabeginner,
itmaybetooadvanced.Butitsworthreading.
Thanks!
Reply
6/23
10/06/2015
Reply
Dan
July19,2014at7:08pm
Iam36andneverhadagirlfriend.(No.Iamnotgay)Justthethoughtoffindingsomeone,tosettle
down,tohaveafamilynevercrossesmymind.
Ivealwaysbeenaloner.IdontplaywithclassmateswhenIwasyoung.Idontkeepintouchwith
friends,colleaguesoutsidework.Ineverseeaneedto.
Theworlddoesntgettodecidewhatmakemehappy.Idontneedtobewithsomeonetobehappy.
IamasinglebecauseIchoosetobe.IamalonebutIamnotlonely.
Reply
RosamundForbes
May23,2015at12:02pm
IlikeyourcommentDanverytrue.Ithinkthetroublewithmanypeopletheywant
everyonetobethesameandsometimeswhenyoudontsubscribetotheiropinionsthey
thinkyouareanoutsider.Iwasmarriedforover40yearsandgotdivorcedlastyear.Inow
movedandstartedanewlifeinadifferentarea.JoinedlocalactivitiesandclubswhichIgo
tomostdays.MywellbeingandmentalhealthasimprovedandIfeel20yearsyounger.
Youmustlifeyourlifethewayyouthinkfitnoteveryonewantstosubscribetomainstream
viewsandlifestyles.Goodluckwithyourlifegoodhealthandhappiness.
Reply
sourabhkashyap
July21,2014at7:41am
Iwanttoremainsinglebecauseihavebeencheatedplusiamareligiousguy..Andnowadaysno
girlisreligious,theyarejustimmaturewholovetoboozeandsleepingaroundbeforemarriage.
Andiamvirginandcelibate.
Reply
Iloovatar
Yep,typicalIndianmalementalitymindset.Youjustwantaperfectgirl(naari)todroponto
yourlapwithoutmovingamuscle.Datingisnotforinsecuremen.Dontworryyourmom
willchooseanicedaughterinlaw(bahu)forherself.
Reply
aaqib
July21,2014at7:48pm
iamsinglebecausemytoppriotityismycareer.
Reply
Snowdora
July31,2014at1:31am
Andforsomepeoplelovemeanssomethingelse,liketheircareer,andtilltheendtheyarejust
happythatway.
Butthesepeoplereallydontwonderaboutsuchtopicsandprobablywontreadthisarticle.Lol.
Reply
utfull
August19,2014at11:49am
Isthiscontentcopiedfromhereortheycopiedfromyoursite?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassionmatters/201311/8reasonsyoumightstillbe
single
Reply
PsychAlive
August19,2014at9:41pm
Dr.FirestonesarticlesareoftenpublishedonbothPsychologyTodayandPsychAlive.
Reply
JoAnna
August27,2014at3:57am
Imnumbers2,3,and4.Sowhatnow?Thisisntthefirsttimetoread/identifymyfearsandactions.
ThequestioniswhatcanIdotochangeandhow?
Reply
7/23
10/06/2015
TheRealAnswer
August30,2014at8:26pm
WellicertainlydoblameGodformysingleness,andineveraskedforGodtoputmeonthisrotten
earthtobeginwith.Lonelinessisnofunatall,andwhenyourfriendsaresettleddownwiththeir
ownlifewhichmakesitworseforus.Iwasmarriedatonetimewhichiwasaverygoodlovingand
caringhusband,anditwasntgoodenoughforher.Hardtomeetagoodwomanagainformanyof
usmenthatreallyhatebeingaloneandsingle,especiallysincetherearentthatmanygoodwomen
outtherenowadays.
Reply
lilla
October25,2014at5:59pm
Ihavethesameviewbutaboutmen.Myexhusbandalcoholicgambler.Myfirstexpartner
dumpedmeforayoungeroneandleftmewithhisdebtstopay.Thatonetrulybrokemy
heart.Mysecondandlastexpartnerabusedmeverballyandphysically.Hestolethings
frommewhenleaving.ImtiredTherearenodecentmensoIstoppedlooking.Feeling
lonely?..very.Riskagain?No.
Reply
GaryBrunecz
themostimportantfactorinarelationshipismoney,afterallitisthenumberonereason
fordivorce,youcannotbuylovebutyoucanrentitforawhile.Peoplethatareattractive
areeasiertolove,butoncethatbeautyisgone,goodluck.Peoplehaveatendencytosettle
forwhatevertheythinktheycanget.Ifthosepreconceivedfactorswerenotprevalent,than
thereislittlechanceofaloveconnection.Itisreallysadthatpeoplehavetohaveareason
toloveothers.Itiscalledego.Anyonecanloveabeautifulperson,butIdaresomeoneto
loveauglypoorpersonwithalowIQ,thisworldisfakeandsoaremostofthepeopleinit.
Reply
GaryBrunecz
Iunderstandhowyoufeel,Justrememberlooksarethenumberonereasonpeople
becomeattractedtoeachother,nextofcourseismoney,soifyouhaveacollegedegree
andagreatpayingjobyouwillneverbelonelyagain,mostwomenarelookingforthese
factors,inadditiongotothegymandgetingreatshape,allthesethingswillincreaseyour
chancesofsomewomanlikingyou,Itisconsideredatradeoff,yougetwhatyouwantand
theygetwhattheywant.Hanginthere,lifeisnotfairanditisnotourfaultthatgodallows
somepeopletobeblessedwithlooksandotherstobeugly.
Reply
mikedelisi
March3,2015at5:13am
buddyiunderstand,iminmy50slook10yearsyoungerandcantmeetwomen,itslikeim
invisibleimverylonelyverydepressedandverysad,icryallthetime.womanclosetomy
agedontevenrespondtome,ijustdontwanttobealone.
Reply
lucy
Itotallyunderstandhowufeel.Ivebeenthere.Myvicewasbingeeating.Thats
howicopedwithallmyanxietyanddepression.Ivebeenseeongatherapistfor
3years,andshehashelpedmefromhellandbacktwice.Imnowmakingan
efforttoliveahealthylifestylementally,andphysically.1struleistobekindto
yourself.Weareourworstenemy.Startjournalingtoletyourangerout.Nowi
havelessangerdyetojournalingand2milewalkseveryday.Ifeelatpeacewith
myselfandfinallyvaluemylife.Hanginthereyouwillgetit,justtalktoyour
doctorandbehonesttowardsyourself.Ihadtoletsomepeopleknowhowifelt,
itwasnteasybutyouwillgetthecouragetoeliminatewhatstoxicinyourlife
Reply
Seysha
April15,2015at8:02pm
Therearegoodwomenoutthere.Iamone.ItsarealshameIvenotmetamanyet.
Reply
Roy
May24,2015at8:39pm
Iminthesameboatasyouok.
Reply
8/23
10/06/2015
anon
September27,2014at9:22am
myageistoooldforbeinginarelationship,ibelieveyoucaneasilydateonlywhenyouagegroup
haveabigdatingpool,anditdependsthecountrywhereyoucomefrom.Whereilivepeoplearound
theirlatethirtiesandtheirearlyfortiesarealreadysettledormarried,separatedordivorced,(i
dontlikeseperatedordivorcedforarelationshipsorry,ithinkyouhavetobeafooltoacceptthem
imo),soitsalsonoteasytogetagoodfriendbecausetheyarealltakenbyhusbands,letalonea
husband.youcangivemeanadvicetotravel,butihavenofriendstotravelwith,itsnotgoodtogo
outalone,mostpeopleonlygiveyouattentioniftheyseeyouinapeergrouporwithtwoormore
friends.howevermyparentsarealsoagainsttravelling.theygetmadifitellthemimgoing
somewhere.alsoidontgooutmuhandifyoudontgooutagainyourchancesofmeetingsomeone
isfarmorerestrictedthananyonewhogoesoutduringeventsorwithfriends.Yesigooutbecausei
havetogoouttowork,imeetdifferentpeopleinthatareabecauseiworkasataxcollectoranda
cashier.stillibelieveitsnotenoughalthoughsomeofmycolleaguesmettheirsignificantotherat
theirjob,justlikemyfriendT(onlyhernameinitial)shehastwosons.iamconstantlybotheredwhy
iamchiildlessandisaidilikepets,andiamconstantlyinterviewedlikepaparazziaboutmys..life
orwhyiamchildlessitmakesmesadotherscommentedbeingsadandlonelllyaboutsingles,
andthatstheyarebeingaskedallthetimewhy?itslikehavingacancerinsocietyitmakesme
singledout,althoughimtheonlysinglethere..itellthemthattherightpersonhasntcomeyet,andi
getanswersthenhowlongishegoingtotake..itssostupidhavingtoanswerallthatstuff,
howeverthisisnotbeingaskedtomycolleagues.ifpeopledonotcometoaskyousomestupid
questionsyourlifewouldbegreatbutunfortunatelywwepeoplegetallthesequestionsan9hours
havingtolistentothemisnojokeitsnotmyfaultiamsingle,ithappenedtobelikethat,wheni
wasateenagerandatschool/collegeihadfriends,andiusedtogooutwitmybestfriendand
hangedoutwithherduringlateeveningsuntilshefoundherman,thenideciededtojoina
youthfellowship,foundfriendsdidthesame,butfoundtheirsignificantotherandyouknowwhen
theyfindtheirmatetheyleaveyouthisisthecircleoflife,peopleseekfriendswhentheyhave
foundtheirhubbytheystopseeingfriends.andseeonlyfewatmyagearestillinthefriends
stage..iwouldbehappyalonebutiwouldliketohavefriendstogoouttopartywith.itshardto
findatmyagethatstheproblem.secondlythosecommentsigetfrompeoplewithfamilyeveryday
areveryhurtful.
Reply
CarolO
Ihavenowbeenalonefor36years.Why?BecauseIwanttobe.Iwasmarriedbeforeplusin
relationshipsbutImuchrathercookifIfeellikeit,eatwhatandwhenIwant,sitatthecomputerall
dayifIwantandnothavetoprytheTVremotefromamansfingerstowatchaprogramthatIlike!
Igetthereclinerorthecouch,IgettosleepinthemiddleofthebedandIcanleavemypajamason
alldayifIwant.Andthebestpartisnothavingtolistentoanyonesoultalkingaboutthemselvesall
daylong.
Reply
Nick
Welltherearemanyofusmenouttherethatreallyhatebeingaloneandsinglewhichdoes
makeusthemuchweakersex,whereasmanywomenwillalwaysbethemuchstronger
sexsinceitreallydoesntbotherthematall.Iwouldcertainlylovetomeetagoodwoman
foracompanionshipwhichwouldbenice,andyoudonthavetogetmarriedsinceyoucan
stillloveeachothertobetogether.
Reply
GaryBrunecz
Iunderstandhowyoufeel,Justrememberlooksarethenumberonereason
peoplebecomeattractedtoeachother,nextofcourseismoney,soifyouhavea
collegedegreeandagreatpayingjobyouwillneverbelonelyagain,mostwomen
arelookingforthesefactors,inadditiongotothegymandgetingreatshape,all
thesethingswillincreaseyourchancesofsomewomanlikingyou,Itisconsidered
atradeoff,yougetwhatyouwantandtheygetwhattheywant.Hanginthere,
lifeisnotfairanditisnotourfaultthatgodallowssomepeopletobeblessed
withlooksandotherstobeugly.
Reply
romantic_believer
October14,2014at3:16am
HiThere:
Iama34yearoldsingleguy.IamEastIndian.IthinkmyculturehasalottodowithwhyIam
single.Istilltalkwithanaccent,andImrathershort54,slightlyoverweight,slightlybaldingatthe
topandwearglasses.Iam34butmanypeoplethinkIlooklikeIm40.Ithinkthesephysical
attributesarehugeturnoffsforwomenandthatswhytheyarejustnotattractedtome.
Iamparticularlyattractedtowhitewomen(blondhair,blueeyes,orblackhair,browneyes).Also
likeEastIndian/SouthAmerican(Hispanic)/EuropeanandAsianwomen.Iamnotattractedtoblack
womenunlesstheyhavethatmulattolooklikeZoeSaldana.Sorry,nooffensetoblackwomen.I
guessbeautyisskindeep.
Ialsoliveinasmalltownwheretherearefewsinglewomen.Manyofthesesinglewomenhave
childrenandtheirboyfriends/husbandshavedumpedthem.Tome,asinglewomanwhohaschildren
representsextrabaggageinarelationship.ImnotsureIwouldwanttobeinarelationshipwitha
womanwhoalreadyaschildrenbyanotherman.IlovechildrenbutIdratherthembemyown.I
guessIamabitpickyonthetypeofpartnerIdesire.SinceIamwelleducated,Iwouldlikea
9/23
10/06/2015
guessIamabitpickyonthetypeofpartnerIdesire.SinceIamwelleducated,Iwouldlikea
womanwhoisalsowelleducated(universitymaterial).Tome,childrenbehaveandareraised
better,whenthemotheriswelleducatedandemphasizeslearninginthehome.
IdontreallyletallthesenegativeattributesandcircumstancesgetmedownandItrytothinkofall
thepositivethingsIhavedonewithmylifesofar.IhavethreeuniversitydegreesandIhavea
wonderfuljobthatpaysmeverywell.WithwhatIearn,Ihavebeenabletotraveltomanydifferent
countriesthatmanyofmycolleagueshavenotbeenabletoandIhavebeenthankfultoGodfor
everythinghehasgivenme.Ihavealsotriedtobemoreproactiveandgetinvolvedwithdifferent
thingsinmycommunity.IvejoinedToastmasters,IamamemberoftheKnightsofColumbus,I
havealsojoinedthelocalbadmintonclub.Iamalsoplanningtojoinkarateanddosomeboxingand
someetmorepeopleinthecommunitythatIwouldnotnormallymeet.
Ivealsotriedonlinedatingtonoavail.Ihavesentmanymessagestoatleast50womenandIgot
twoemailsback.Itseemsthewomenjustlookatyourprofileanddontrespondback.Ithinkitis
onlycommoncourtesyforthesewomentoreplybackafteryouhaveemailedthem.Iftheyarenot
interestedinyourprofile,theyshouldatleasttypeaonelinerandletyouknow.Sometimesthis
reallygetsmedown,Ifeelfrustratedandneedtoventtosomeone.Icantventtocolleaguesat
workbecausetheyaremostlywomenandtheygossip,themalesIworkwithareallmarriedand
theyjustdontlisten.Alsoafraidtotalktomyparents,astheyareabitjudgemental.
IhavelookedatthisarticleandrecognizethatperhapsImtoopicky,maybehavelowselfesteem
andmaybemyculturalandpersonalbeliefsarereasonswhyIamstillsingle.Lookingforanyfurther
suggestionsasIwouldreallyliketosettledownandbeahappilymarriedmaninalongterm
relationship.
Reply
Bill
November8,2014at6:15pm
Youseemlikeagoodmanlikealotofthegoodmenouttherethatarestillsingle.Iam
goingtotellyousomethingthatmosthereoranywheredonotwanttoadmit.Thatis,
somepeoplearejustnotmeanttohaveapartner.Itisliketheanimalkingdomwerethe
alphaanimalsgetthefemales.Womenaredrivenbyanaturaldesiretobewiththealpha
males.
Factofthematteristhisifyouarenotlookingforaplainlooking,chubbywoman,youare
notevergoingtogetmarried.Goodlookingwomenwantattractivemen.Iamnottrying
tobemeanjuststatingthetruth.
Itooameducated,financiallyset(oneblessingfromverylittledatingorwomeninmylife),
pleasantpersonality,andeverygirlsbestfriendatwork.However,Ialwaysgetturned
downondatesfromsinglewoman(whethertheybefromwork,grocerystore,online,etc)
becauseIamnotgoodlooking,somewhatchubby,andbalding.
Iam35andhavejustaboutthrowninthetoweloneverfindinglove.Ifindthatsingle
womanmyageareevenmoredisgruntledaboutbeingsinglethanIam.MostImeethave
alsogivenupandprefertojustbesingleintheircomfortzone.Iamabouttheremyself.
Also,IamlessmotivatedtofindsomeoneasIgetolderbecausejustasIamgettingmore
unattractivewithage,soareallthemiddleagedwomen.Iamjustlessattractedtothem
andrefusetobewithsomeoneIamnotattractedto.So,withthatsaid,Icannotbebitter
aboutthefactthatwomenarenotattractedtome.Unfortunately,theprettyonesdontgive
measecondlook.Thatislifemyfriend.
IfindcomfortineverythingelseIhaveaccomplishedandtrulyfeelthatyouhavetomake
peacewiththesituationandfocusinsteadonthepositiveaspectsofyourlife.Ihavealot
tobehappyabout.Iamveryluckyinmanyotherways.IthankGodforthat.
Irecentlygotaboxer(dog)andsheisagreatcompanion.Shelovesmeunconditionally,
wantstohangoutwithme,waitsbythedoorformetocomehomewhenIamoutofthe
house,andcannotaccessmybankaccount.
Iretirefromthemilitaryin4years,havesavedsincetheageof16andhavestarted
constructiononmydreamhome.Onceretired(@age40),Iwillspendtherestofmylife
indulginginmyhobbies.Itwouldbenicetohaveawomentoshareitallwith,butImove
forwardhappyregardless.Moveforward.Findyourhappiness.Focusonthepositives.
Reply
Isabel
May4,2015at3:04pm
Didyoueverfindyourlifebuddy?
Reply
Thnkr917
Itcouldalsobethatyousoundveryshallowandcontradictyourselfwithwhatyouwant.If
youwantprettyblondewhitewomenwithauniversitydegree,theyarenotgoingtowant
tostayhomeandmakesurethechildrenarewelleducatedathomeasyouindicated.This
isactually2014not1914.ThisisexactlywhyImsingle,toomuchofthis.
Reply
RealityCheck
ManyofyouwomennowadaysjustDontknowhowtoCommittojustOneman
anymoreandlikedatingdifferentmenallthetime,soitishardformanyofus
menthatareveryseriouslylookingtosettledownsincemostwomenjustliketo
gooutandpartyallthetime.
Reply
10/23
10/06/2015
Reply
Anonymous
Thisisaveryinterestingarticle.Ihaveneverbeenmarriedandmyparentsaredivorcedandnotthe
greatestparentsever.HoweverIhavehadlovingexperienceswithotherrelativesandrelationships
andIfeelawareenoughtorejecttheunfortunaterolemodelsandtrytoembracelove.
MyexperienceasamiddleagedwomanisthatIamalittleburntoutaftertryingforsolong.Ihate
tosaythis,butasabeautifulheterosexualfemaleIfeelthatmostofthemenmyagearesojaded
thattheyareseriouslynotopentohavingarelationship.Period.
Iamakind,lovingandenergeticwoman.ThemenaresofulloffearIamrejectedasaspinster,
toooldandsoon.Ibelievethisistheirprojectionoftheirlastfailedrelationshipthattheyhavereally
notresolved.Mylastrelationshipwassodevastatingitisnotsurprisingthatanyonewouldbecut
offafterfailingsomanytimes.IneverthoughtIwouldfeelthiswaymyself,butIgetsomuchbad
feedback,Icantseethepointofputtingmyselfoutthere.YoucannotbelievetheunkindthingsI
haveheardfromgrownmen.Theseguyshaveissues.Ihavehadtoendmanyconversationsjustto
protectmyself.
Manyofushavebeenhurt,andsomehavenofeelingwhatsoeverthattheyshouldatleastbekindto
oneanother.Theyreallydocontinuetoblametheirparents.
AsIsaid,Ihave2difficultparents.IlearnedfromtheirconducthowIdonotwanttoact.Some
peopleseemtouseitasashieldoranexcusefortheirbadbehavior.Thereissuchastereotype
againstsinglemiddleagedwomenthathaveeverbeenmarried.Theseguysreallyhavenointerest
inclaimingtheirmanhood.Iamsofrightenedofgoingoutthesedaysinaccountofthecruelthings
mensay.Theyhaveseriousproblems.Hatetosayit,butIblamethemen.Stuckinthepastand
hostilitytowardsmiddleagedwomenistheirunresolvedissueswithanothergirlorfailuretomove
fromtheexcuseoftheirdysfunctionalfamily.Andiftheyareseriouslyinterestedinremainingsingle,
whycouldtheynotatleastbecordialtothesingleladies.Thesemenhavenomanners.WhywouldI
goouttogetroughedupbyignorantmen.IwouldneversaytheunkindthingsIhaveheardoutof
themouthsofpeopleinsocialsettings.Whatevertheirissuesorpreference,theylacksocialgraces.
Kindmannersgoaverylongwaytomakingthingsmoveinapositivedirection.Ihavemetaffluent,
educatedpeoplewithoutashredofsocialgrace.Thesepeopleshouldreallystayathome.Really.
Reply
romantic_believer
DearMs.Anonymous:
IamsorrytohearaboutyoursituationwithmenandIfullyempathizewithyou.Itsgreat
youhaveasupportnetworkofrelativeswhoyoucantalkto,aswell,sinceyouhavea
lukewarmrelationshipwithyourparents.
Donttakeittoopersonalwitheverymiddleagedmanyourage.Justbecausethemenyou
havemetarerudeandinconsiderate,itdoesnotmeanthatallmenarelikethat.Ibelieve
thatthereissomeoneoutthereforyou.Justasthereissomeoneoutthereforme.Just
hope,prayandhavefaith.Neverevergiveup.
Therearetwothingstoconsiderifyouwanttobeinarelationship,seriously:
1)Peopleyoulovewhodonotloveyouback
2)Peopleyouarenotcrazyaboutbutwholoveyou.
Ratherthanfocusingtoomuchonpeoplewhodonotreturnyourlove,focusonthose
peoplewholoveyou,onesyouarenottoocrazyaboutandonesyouwouldnotnormally
consider.Thatshowyouwillfindtruehappiness.Findingloveislikemarketingyour
productinabusiness.Ifamanwhostartedabusinesscharged100dollarsforhisproduct
andtherewere1or2customers,hewouldhavetolowerhispricefortheproduct,sohe
wouldhavemorecustomers.Likewise,youmayneedtoloweryourexpectationsofthe
idealmanforyou.
Inreality,thereisnoidealmanoutthere.Yes,therearementhatlookattractiveonthe
outside,buttheyarerudeandobnoxiousinside.Theymarry,latergettiredofthewoman,
thendivorceandlaterfindanotherwoman.Theyappearhappyontheoutsidebuttheyare
neverreallysatisfiedinside.
Then,thereistheoverweightmiddleaged,slightlybaldingguy.Hemightnotseem
physicallyattractivetoyou,buthemighthaveaheartofgold,beatruegentleman.You
bypasshim,yethemakesyoulaugh.Youcaneasilytalktohim.Heisnotjudgementalas
someofthoseattractiveguysandhesimplyadoresyou.Youneedtoconsiderhimseriously
asyourfuturepartnerbecausewithhimyouwillfindhappinessforlife.
Alsoyouneedtogetyourselfoutthere.Joinclubswhereyoumeetothermiddleaged
people.Takeupahobby.If70and80yearoldscanfindlove,thensocanyou.Justnever
giveup.
Hopethishelps.
Reply
Ron
Welliwascertainlyraisedbyverygoodparents,andsomanywomentodaywereraisedby
verybadparents.Wellmostofthemwereiwouldsaysincetheirparentsdontgiveadamn
whattheydonow.Thegoodolddayswerecertainlythebestsincemanymenandwomen
hadtoreallystruggletomakeendsmeat,sowomenhadnochoicesincetheyhadto
accepttheirmenforwhotheywerewhenbothmenandwomenhadnomoneytobegin
withwhichmanymenandwomenhadtolivewiththeirparents.Thatisagoodreasonwhy
marriageslastedaverylongtime,andourparents,grandparents,auntsanduncleshad
verylongmarriagesbackthen.Todaymanywomenareveryhighmaintenance,andvery
spoiledtoosincetheyreveryindependentanddontneedamantosurvive.Womentoday
wontsettleforlesssinceitisallaboutmoneyforthemwhichtheywillneveracceptaman
forhimselfanymore.Sosincethetimeshavechanged,sohavethewomenwhichcertainly
explainswhytherearesomanyofussinglementoday.
11/23
10/06/2015
explainswhytherearesomanyofussinglementoday.
Reply
Thnkr917
Youcontradictedyourself.Arewespoiledanddontneedamantosurviveorisit
allaboutthemoney.Beingawoman,itisfarfromallaboutthemoneysinceI
makemoremoneythanmostofthemenImeet.Mysisterinlawmakesslightly
moremoneythanmybrotheranditsthebestrelationshipIveeverwitnessed.
MostofthewomenIknowmakemoremoneythanthementheyarein
relationshipswith.Wemaybeguiltyofnotneedingamantosurvive,butwe
arentallaboutthemoney.Manyofusareaboutallthoseotherthingsagood
mancanprovidesuchassupport,companionship,physicalintimacy,love,loyalty,
family.Thegoodoledaysyouspeakofdidntfacilitatehappymarriagesitjust
facilitatedpeoplestayinginmiserablesituationsforfinancialreasonslikemy
abusedGrandmotherandherchildrenwhoonlyescapedthathellbecausemy
grandfatherhadthedecencytodieearlyandthentheygothungryinsteadof
abused.Shecouldhavemarriedthenextsuitorsoherkidscouldeat,butshe
refusedtogodownthatroadagain.Itakegreatoffensetoanysuggestionthat
womenandtheirchildrenshouldbeputinthatsituationagainjustsosomemen
canhavetheiregosrubbed.Thosegoodoledayswerentsogreatforthemen
eitherwouldyoureallywanttobesaddledwithawomanwhohatesyouandonly
sleepswithyouandstayswithyoubecauseshehasto?Itdoesntsoundlikea
greatlifeforanyoneacceptArielCastroorWarrenJeffs
Reply
SeriouslySpeaking
Allihavetosayis,wherearetherealgoodoldfashionedwomenlike
weoncehad?
Reply
Aaron
thentherearepeoplelikemewhochoosenottobeinarelationship,becauseasihavesaidbefore
relationshipsarejuststressandidontdealwellwithstress.
Reply
Thnkr917
Exactly.
Reply
Mike
VeryTrueStory.Mycousinwenttoasinglesdancewithhisfriendmanyyearsagoandsawthisgirl
thathewasveryattractedtowhichhesaidtohisfriendthatsomedayiwillmarryher.Wellhereally
didandnowtheyrestartingtheir43rdyeartogetherwithtwogrownboyswhichtheoldestsonis
marriedwithhisowndaughtertoo,andmycousinisnowagrandfather.AndGodpunishesmanyof
usSinglemenandwomenthatwouldhadcertainlywantedthesamething.GoFigure.
Reply
Dale
November2,2014at6:44am
Oneverygoodreasonmanymiddleagedmenarecynicalandjadedaboutrelationshipsisthe
financialruinthatmanygothroughaftertheirpartnerfilesfordivorce.Roughlythreequartersof
divorcesareinitiatedbywomen.Aftergoingthroughit,Ijustsayneveragainoverandoverto
myself.Allthelonelinessintheworldisfarmorepreferabletomethanthewreck.Istillwearmy
ring,notasareminderofthepastrelationshipbutrather,asadeterrent.Muchtothedismayof
mostofmyfriendsandfamily,Ihavedecidedthatstayingsingleisafarbetterchoiceforme.
Totheanonymouswriterabove,divorcecourtiswhymanymenarerightfullycynicalandjaded.
Reply
Bill
Dale,
Mybrotherjustwentthroughanastydivorce.Asyoustated,youarenotalone.Storieslike
yoursandmybrothersmakemefeelabitbetteraboutnevergettingmarried.Goodluck
goingforward.
Reply
Lee
12/23
10/06/2015
IwasdoingasearchwhyamIalone?Readingthisarticleandcommentsremindedmeofwhy.I
findmyselfgoingthroughlongerandlongerphasesofloneliness,terribleloneliness.Ihavealotof
womenfriendsanddosocializewiththemduringtheweek,butnightsandweekendsarereserved
fortheirfamilies(husbands,childrenandgrandchildren).Iamkindoftheirtouchstonetoanotherlife,
thesinglemiddleagedwomanfriend.Ipassedupmarriageforacareerthatneverreally
materialized.NochildrenalthoughIdidwanttohavechildren.Idontwantapitypartyformyself
andmychoices.Ijustwanttosaytoallofyouwhohavebeenbrokenorrejected,dontgiveup.I
wasengagedtobemarriedinmy30sanditwasntthebestmatch.Ishouldhavecutmylossesand
movedonbutwespentyearstryingtobefriends.WhyIaskmyself?Ishouldhavestarteddatingina
seriousway,butinsteadIcloseddownandreallygaveup.Iam53nowandIlookbackandsee
clearlyhowIpasseduptryingandbeingopentofindingahusbandandfatherforthechildrenI
wantedandthefamilylifeIwanted.Iamveryaloneandnooneinmylifereallyknowshowalone.
Mymarriedfriendshavenocluehowdifficultitistodatenow.Iwouldratherkeepmylonelinessto
myselfandfillmytimewhenIamnotworkingwithmyinterests.Justsaying,dontdowhatIdid
dontgiveuponlove,marriage,family.
Reply
Sallysmith
IamsinglebecausemenImeetanddatejustwantsexandarenotseriousaboutcommitment.No
matterwhereImeetmenthesedaysitseemsthatsalltheywant.hardtofindamanthatwantsone
womenandaseriouscommitment
Reply
Barb
YesIthinkwehaveporntothankformensattitudethatitstheirgodgivenrighttohave
sexandnotgiveanythingbacksotiredofmenaskingforsexallthetime.getalifeguys!
Wearehumanbeingsfirstbuttheydontseemtogetthat
Reply
Joey
December12,2014at12:35pm
hmmmitsinterestingthatimamanandifeeltheexactsameway.althoughi
dontblamepornorgeneralizeagenderlikeyoudo.Iwatchpornonceinawhile
butistillwanttospoilsomonewithloveandaffection.Ievenconsidermyself
attractivetoobutseemsnobodywantscommitmentthesedays.Mylastpartneri
madeclearmyfeelings.itseemedinmyeyeswehadchemistryandmanythings
incommonthatweenjoyedtogether.andshecontinuallycouldntmakeupher
mindifshewantedtobewithmeornot(wedidhavenightsofsexrandomly,
whichneverledanywhere).Evenaftersexitriedmanysweetgesturestowinher
overtonoavail,istayedwithherwhensheneededmeandtriedtomakeher
laughandhappy,alwaysrespectedherfeelings.Thenwhenifinallygaveupand
stoppedtryingwemetupagain3monthslaterwhileshehadanewbfthatshe
decidedtocomeoutandtellmeabout,ididntask.Isaidcongratsandcontinued
mywork.Samenightsheshowedupanhourlatertoaskifiwantedtomakeout
afterimoffwork.Ilookedatherwithmybrokenheartandjustwalkedaway
sayingnothing.Sheclaimstomyoldfriendsshehadtoomanyboozethatnight.I
reallyreallydespisetheiwassodrunkexcuse.butyeaimveryyoungstillonly
23butimscaredtoeveropenupagain.Everyrelationshipvebeeninwasvery
similiar.Justpeopletakingmyloveforgrantedandmegettingfedupwithitover
time.
Reply
d
Ihavebeeninaverysimilarsituation(mebeinginyourshoes)andit
reallysucks!Iunderstandbeingscaredtoopenupagain.Itsnot
acceptablehowpeoplecanusesomeoneelsesfeelings.
Reply
adam
Imstillsinglebecauseimnotgoodenoughforanythingbutheyatleastimgoodforsomething
beingcalledrudenamestomakemyfriendslookgood
Reply
Racicot.net
.Guys,ifyouarereadingthis.cutthecrap..onceyouloseyourcompetitiveedgeandmanhood,
itsover.Youshouldntwanttosettleandbepassiveandsubmissivetoawomanitstheworld
today,notyou!Keepdoingyourthing.Stickbehindyourbeliefsandwhatyoudoandbelievein
yourself.Oneday,awomanwillseethatandbeattractedtothequalitiesshesees.Ifyoudontlike
yourselfandyourposition,thandosomethingaboutit.Changeyourjob,workout,getmanicures,
etc..heck,whatever.Butdontquitbeingaman.Havesomeba**sandstickyourchestout.Stop
overanalyzingwhyyouaresingleandwhyyouthinkwomendontlikeyou.Itsnottheydontlike
you.theyjustdontlikewhattheysee,soCHANGEIT.
13/23
10/06/2015
you.theyjustdontlikewhattheysee,soCHANGEIT.
Reply
Jun
Idontknowifyourebeingserioushere,buthaveyouatleastreadthearticletilltheend?
Somereallyattractiveandnicemenstaysingleorfaileveryoneoftheirrelationships
becauseofthestuffthatwasexplainedhere.Sometimeslooksaretheissue,butnot
always.AsfarasIknow,Ieventhinkselfesteemismoreofanissue(workingoutand
stuffasyousaidcanhelpimproveit,butpeople,meincluded,shouldabovealllearntolove
andaccemptthemselves).
Nobodyshouldbepassiveandsubmissiveinarelationship,soIdontgetwhyyoureonly
addressingmenhere.Nooffensebutyousoundedextremelymachoman.
Reply
SeriouslySpeaking
Manypeoplestaysinglebecausetheydontwanttheresponsibilityofbeingina
committedrelationship,andjustwouldwantthegoodlifesinceitismuch
Cheaperthatway.
Reply
Anonymous
Icoulddoallofthethingsyousay(becauseIusedto)andendupwithasuperficial,stupid
andannoyingwifethatIhavenolovefor.Thereasonpeoplearehereisnotbecausethey
couldnotfindaspouse,butbecausetheycouldntfindsomeonewholovedthemorloved
thembackwhentheymadeanefforttolovesomeone.
Reply
ISpeakTheTruth
May24,2015at2:18pm
WellthentherearemanyofusGoodmenouttherethatarecertainlyNotsinglebychoice
andwishthatwecouldvemetaGoodwomantosettledownwithtohaveafamily,and
yearsagothereweremuchEasiermethodsformenandwomentoConnectwithone
anotherwiththehelpofmanyfriendsandfamilythatwouldintroduceyoutosomeonethat
wouldvebeenrightforyou.Todaythetimesarecertainlymuchdifferentthanitwasback
then,anditdefinitelywassomuchmoreEasierfindingloveatthattime.Therearereally
Nogoodplacestogoanymoresincetheyhadsingleclubsotherthanthebarscenewithout
drinking,andtheyhadalotofchurchdanceforsinglestoo.Wellthatcertainlyexplainswhy
ourparents,grandparent,auntsanduncleshaditmucheasieratthetime,andmanyof
themarestilltogetherasispeak.
Reply
abbie
Howsadaremanyoftheresponses.Ihadallthoseexcuses(andmore)whenIwassingle,and
stubborn,andpickyand(Ithought)happilysingle.ThenImetmynowhusbandandcannowstudy,
andwork,andcareformyfamilyandpetsandgoonholidaysandwithfriendsandstillhavea
lovingcomfortablehomelifetocomehometo.Myhusbandsharesallthatwithme,andmakeslife
(andalloftheabove)infinitelyeasier.Sononeofthosearevalidreasons.Ifyourlifebecomesmore
miserablewithsomeoneinyourlifethenleavethembutdontwastetimesayingyoudonthave
timeforarelationshipbecauseyouarestudying!Someonewhotrulylovesyouwillwaitwhileyoudo
yourhomeworkeachnight,surely?
Reply
Insidious_Sid
TheresanotherreasonIcanthinkof.WhenfacedwiththewholetoLTRornottoLTRthing,one
mightlookatitobjectivelyandjustdoasimple*costbenefitanalysis*.Ifapersontrulybelievesthat
arelationshiptakeswaymoretime,energyandresourcesthatitsultimatelyworth,theymight
decidetothrowinthetowel,dotheirownthing,andhaveotherkindsofrelationshipswithpeople
otherthanpairbond/committed/LTRtyperelationships.Otherpeoplethinktheywillvanishor
selfcombustiftheyarenotinarelationship,andwilltrytobeinonenomatterwhatthecostis.
Somepeoplemightactuallybedestinedtobesingle,butjustdontknowityet!
Reply
BryanMitchell
ThiswasoneofthebestarticlesonthissubjectIhavereadinalongtime.Ifounditbrilliantly
insightfulandilluminating.Then,afterhavingreadseveralofthecommentswrittenbymyfellow
readers,Iwasamazedbythenegativitysomanysingletonspossess.SeemstometheirDEFENSES
areonstrong,anditremindedmehowsetinourways(comfortzones)somanyofusare.People
feelthispeculiarneedtodefendtheirchoicesforbeingsingle,forstayingsingle,and,worseyet,
theyactuallyseemaggravatedbecausetheirreasonsforbeingsinglewereeithernotmentioned
14/23
10/06/2015
theyactuallyseemaggravatedbecausetheirreasonsforbeingsinglewereeithernotmentioned
hereornotemphasizedenoughtotheirliking.Ifindthisexceptionallyironicfortworeasons:1)This
articlewasnotmeanttobeallencompassingthatis,itofferedonlysomereasonseight(8)tobe
exactwhypeopleOFTENstaysingle,makingitcrystalclearthatthesereasonsdoNOTnecessarily
applytoEVERYONEand,2)Ifsomepeoplefeelsoauthenticallycomfortableandjustifiedandhappy
withtheirchoicesforremainingsingle,thenwhydidtheytakethetimetoseekoutthisarticle,read
it,andthencommentonit?Iguesssometimestakinourmedicinetastesprettybad,eh?Haha.:))
Reply
TysonS.
OnethingthatmakesitimpossibleformetodateisthatIneverjumponthechancetohavean
interactionwithawoman.Heresthething:nobodyneedsyou.Theyneedsomebody,butnobody
needsyouspecifically.Youarenobodyinthesandsofdatingpossibilities.Ifyoudontact,somebody
elsewillcomealongforthatperson(probablybetterthanyoutoo).Sowhyact?Ihavethiswallthat
IfeellikeIneedtobeperfectinordertodatesomebody.Becauseofthis,Iwonteverdateanyone
untilIreachthatperfection.
Reply
Annette
June3,2015at2:40pm
Tyson,
Godcreatedyouandbecauseofthat,youhavevalue.ToGod,youarentonespeckina
seaofbillions.Heseesyou.Ourworldtodaylikestoteachusfromearlychildhoodthatwe
arearandomaccidentofevolution.ItisnottrueGodcreatedeverything.Ibelieveyour
mostcriticalneedistohaveapersonalrelationshipwithyourCreator,wholovesyou.If
youknewhowlovedyouaretoGod,youwouldntseeyourselfasapieceofsandinthe
desert,period.Theearthismessedup,yeah,butitsmansfaultwerebelledagainstGod
andarethereasonthecreationweseetodayiscursed(althoughitstilltellsofaninfinitely
complexbutorderlyCreator).IwouldencourageyoutofindaBibleonlineorinprintand
readGenesis111(historyoftheworld),Psalm139,andthebookofJohnthefourthbook
oftheNewTestament.JohnwritesthattheWordistheCreatorwhomadeeverything
(backinGenesis1)andthenthetheWordbecamefleshanddweltamongus(John1:14)
andJohnwasaneyewitnesstohisearthlylife.Ratherthandestroyingouranscestors,
AdamandEve,forgood,GodmadeapromisethatHewoulddestroycrushtheserpents
head.Hedidthiswhenhecameintheflesh,livedasinlesslife,diedforsinners,was
buried,androseagainonthethirdday,makingitpossibleformentobeforgivenfrom
AdamdowntoyouandmethroughJesus.Besttoyou.
Reply
Humbled_Man
Ijustgotoutofa12yearmarriage.Divorced,3kidsitsbeenatimeofsomeserious
introspection.Nowintherapyasanadmittedcovertnarcissist,Icannowseehowmylifehasgone
thewayithas,andwhymyrelationshipsstartoffsogoodbutjustliterallyevaporateastimegoes
on,withtwopeopleendingupbeingfrustratedroommates.Ireallytriedtochangefromaserial
monogamist(withafewplayboyperiodsinbetweenLTRsofcourse)toahusband/fatherroleandit
endedverybadly.Tryingtobeahusbandandparentatthesametimeputme(andespeciallyher)
underahugeamountofstress.Mybesteffortstobeagoodhusbandandfatherfailedmybest
accomplishments(Ithought)werediminished,andmyfailingsandannoyanceswereapparently
extremelyhuge.Myfriendsdontseemeasbeingthisdamaged,butthenagain,theyseemeoncea
month(!)orlessfrequentlyanddonthavetolivewithmedailyortrytoraisekidswithmeorplan
familyactivities.SowhathaveIcometoconclude?FortheforeseeablefutureIdontplanon
enteringintoANYromanticrelationship.Nofriendswithbenefits.Nocasualsex.Nofriendsand
takeitfromthere,noofficialgirlfriendsandABSOLUTELYnolivingwithsomeone.Why?Itsjusttoo
taxingonMEandevenmoresoonHER.Imnotaterribleperson,butIamacovertnarcissistandI
avoidlivingintherealworldandhavethissortoffantasyworldIlivein,onewithlittleornoriskand
littleornochanceofrejectionorhumiliation.Assuch,Iamacontrolfreaktimesamillion.Mylifeis
SOshelteredandscripted,andwhenpeopletrytobespontaneousorchangethingsIpresentthem
withsuperhugeresistance.Footdragging,procrastinating,whining,complaining.Forgetit!Whyput
peoplethroughthat?!WhyputMYSELFthroughthat?!Sotoaddtothisotherwiseexceptional
article,Ithinksometimespeople(likeme)havementalillnessthatjustmakesarelationshiptoo
impractical.Letsfaceit.Lookhowhardrelativelynormalpeoplestruggletoworkonandmaintain
theirrelationships.CanyouimaginehowharditisforsomeonewithNPDtopleasetheirpartners?
CanyouimaginehowsomeonelivingwithanNPDmustfeel?Ireadtheiraccountsonlineanditjust
makesmesadhowmuchsadnessandemptinesspeoplewithmyillnesscauseothers.Imaybe
unwellandobsessedwithmyselfandinwardlyfocused,butIdontwakeupeverymorningwiththe
desiretogetoutofbedandhurtorfrustrateabunchofpeople!Imjustnotrelationshipmaterial.
Thelastwomenwhoshowedinterestinmewaspolitelyrejected.IdidntgointogreatdetailIjust
saidthatIwasstillnot100%frommydivorceandneededtoworkonmyselfmorebeforeIcould
considerarelationship.ShewasdisappointedandIfounditverysweetthatsomeonecouldbe
interestedinaguyleftwithsolittlesolittletooffer.Littledidsheknow,Iwasdoingheramassive
favor!MaybeitssadtosomethatIamokaywiththislimitation(ofnotwantingromantic
relationships)butafterthewaymyrelationshipshavegone,itsprobablybetterthisway.Iamjust
soentrenchedinthispersonalitydisorderthatImayneverchangeatall,orifIdochange,not
enoughtomakeagoodcompanionforsomeone.Itsjusthowitgoessometimes.
Iwanttomakeapositivedifferenceinmylifeandthelivesofothers.Ihavetocombatmymental
illness.Alone.Notwithinarelationship.Maybeonedayalongtimefromnow,butnotuntilImmore
normal.ItsjustnotfairtomywouldbepartnerifIsettleforanythingless.
Reply
Thnkr917
15/23
10/06/2015
Ifoundyouranswertobeoneofthemostsincere,butselfdeprecating.AlthoughIdont
haveyourexactreasons,minekindofboilsdowntothesamething.Ijustdobettersingle
andamnotthatgreatinrelationships.Ifeellikerelationshipsbringoutthecrazyinme.
Notleaveyou400textsandclimbdownyourchimneystalkercrazybutjust,youknow,
lessbalanced,losingyourfocus,notbeingyourselfcrazy.
Reply
Northern_Guy
March18,2015at6:30pm
Wow,yeah.ImusthavebeeninarealheavymoodthedayIwrotethatpiece!
But,theshoedoesfit.LifehasSOSOSOmuchlessstresswhenyoudonthaveto
tryandbalancelivingwithmentalhealthissues(read:tryingtostaysane)andall
ofthedemandsofarelationship.Ifindrelationshipstobeveryverydemanding
andIalwaysfeel/findthatIamneglectingsomething,somewhere,somehow.
ThisisevenwhenItrytobemindful,andgivingandappreciative.MaybeIjust
dontgetwomen.Emotionalconnectionsaretoughforme,andItendtohavea
verylowemotionalIQinthatdespitestudyinguponalotofthisstuff,Ihave
almostZEROintuitionwhenitcomestopeoplesfeelingssometimes.Imean,Itry
tocareanddocaringandthoughtfulthingsandBEagoodpersontoothers.But
somehowIjustcantreadpeopleverywell.IamverycerebralIeventryto
*wish*myselftofeelmore,butIdontknowwhatthat*feelslike*.
Anyways,thanksforthereply.NormallywhenIcomeoutwiththatstuffpeople
canberatherjudgmental.
Itstruethough.Selfdepreciatingornot,somepeoplearejustinroughshape
andreallyshouldmaybeavoidromanticrelationships.Iknowtheysaynobodyis
brokenandpeoplearenotdamagedgoodsbutIgottasay.Ijustdont
believethatstrue.
Reply
TheKnownTruth
WelltherearemanyofusmenthatreallyhatebeingSingle,especiallywhenwehaveaveryhard
timemeetingaGoodWomantospendtherestofourlifewith,andLonelinessisverymuchaCurse
forustoo.
Reply
Matt
January6,2015at4:20am
Ihavemyreasons,likemoretangiblebutIguesssubconsciouslythereisabitofthis.
Yearsago,Imovedbackhomefromabroadwithmygirlfriendatthetime,Imeaninwithmy
parents,Iwasaprettysuccessfuldudeinmyearlytwenties,wasinsales,andIwantedtostartmy
ownfirmsothatswhyIwasdoingit.Someonedecidedwewouldhaveacreditcrunchthoughabout
9monthsbeforeIwasgonnahittherealbigtime.shestayedawhile,thatwasntentirelythe
reasonforourbreakup,asinshedidntleavemecosIwasntontopanymore,butthestrainof
livinghere,andallthatjustmesseditup.
Then,IkindofprojectedallthatfeelingforherIsupposeontothisotherchickIusedtoknow,Ihad
previouslyknownherfromschool
(IwasntcoolatschoolandfeltIdchanged,butwhenyoudothatandtryandgobackandshow
everyonehowawesomeyouvebecome,andtheydontwannaseeit,youattachmeaningtoit,andit
candestroythenewyouaswell)
Ireallystartedtocrushonherwhichisjustnotnormalforme,andIknowwhatImdoing,butwith
thisgirlIjustcompletelywreckedit,ImeanifyoucanthinkofathingtodotoputawomanoffIdid
it,Imeanreallyridiculousstupidstufflol,andeverythingIdidmadeitworse,Ishouldntlaughcosit
wasactuallyaprettytoughtimerememberIhadlostallmyresources,lostallopportunitytoget
themback,anddidntreallyknowmanypeopleheremeanwhilethegirlIlikedwasoffata
universitytownwithlotsofpeople,sheneverhadthethingsIhadtolose,andnotthatsheshould
carebutshecouldntpossiblyunderstandthepsychologicalstateIwasinthatmademethatcrazy.
Igotout,becameaholidayrep,andohboyifIwasntthebestbangerwhoeverwalked,Imean
reallyIwasputtingitroundlikeamaestro,helpedmetogetoverthings,soIthoughtHeyImstill
coolright,guessIgotitback,dontneedthisjob,Illjustgohomeandpullthesamestuff
Wrong.
AlltherealproblemsIhadwerestillwaitingforme,changethecircumstance,changetheman..it
worksbothways
ThebitternessalsobuiltabouthowthesepeopleIhadknownwrotemeoff.
SoIgotoutagain(notbeforeIhadsatalonefor2wholeyears)
Savedsomecashandwenttravelling,andboomIwasoffagain,bangingbackpackers,waitresses,
receptionists,cleaners,saleswomen,1journalisteven,allsortsofchicks,left,right,centreIcould
tellyouhowtodoit,Icantellyouwhattosay,Iknowexactlywhatisrequiredtogetlaid,Ieven
wroteablogonitforacoupleyears.
SoIamdoingallthisbutincredibly,constantly,ImeanIcouldbeledinbednexttoawoman,butI
alwaysthoughtaboutthegirlfromschool,youknowlikethecrazypersonIamHowcanIfixit?
TheremustbeawayYoucanfixanythingbutduringallthoseyearsofthinkingabouther,it
becamemorethanahardcrush,IdfallenforherandyouknowshehadprobablyforgottenIwas
alive,shewasprobablygladhahaha,Ihavetolaughbutitsnotfunny
IthoughtandIdontknowwhatthepointofitwassupposedtobefromthousandsofmilesaway,I
thoughtIwillwritetoheronfacebook.immediatelythegobshiterystartedtoflowthroughmy
typing,whyIhitsendIwillneverknow.SheSkypedmethoughbecauseofit,duringthecallthis
chickIwasseeingregularlycamebyandIhadtosaygoodbye(IdontlietopeopleIamactually
seeingsoItoldthegirlatmydoorwhoIhadskypedetc)itwasnothingbutaweirdcall,Ijustmade
16/23
10/06/2015
seeingsoItoldthegirlatmydoorwhoIhadskypedetc)itwasnothingbutaweirdcall,Ijustmade
itworseandmoredaft,IbetyousheprobablydoesntthinkIevergetanyone,Ijustcantgetherto
seewhattheysee,anditbothersme.
Anyway,mytravellingdayscametoanend,andIcamehome.Economicallytheworldhadimproved
bythen,andImanagedtosecuresomebridgingfinanceforsomepropertiesformyself,Icould
affordtorentthemtopaythefinance,butIwasstillabsolutelytoobroketoliveawayfrommy
parents,andIwasbrokepersonallyevenlivinghere,andImeanreally,thebusinesswasgrowing,I
wasbuyingmoreproperty,butcashflowwise,Icouldbereallybroke,soIdidntgooutordo
anything,youknowbecausesometimesIcouldntaffordmydinner(literallynotfiguratively)
Whenyoucanteat,whenyoulieawakeatnightworryingaboutyourbusiness,worryingabout
everything,youforgettocareaboutwomen,andhowyouusedtoadvisepeopleonthisstuff,and
whatanyonewillthink,youforgetthewholeworldandyoucloseyourblogdownwithoutwarning
ImproudandobviouslyIwouldneverexplainthisstufftoanyoneIknew
IrealisedIcouldnthelpanyonewhosaywasinacircumstancewithoutcashorwiththeirparents,
theyneedtochangecircumstanceasIdid,sometimeslifepresentsuswiththingsthatcannotbe
fixedwithconfidencealone.
AnywayImstillhere,stillbuyinghouses,stillstayinghomeeverynight,doingalotbetterfinancially
now,butIamstillatmyparents,andnowherenearinapositiontoliveacarefreelifestyle,andI
genuinelydontwanttomeetanyonenowuntilIamfullysorted.Afewtimesnow,acoupleofmy
acquaintancesgirlfriendshave,wellonefullonpropositionedme,andanother2werejustlike
dodgy,Ireallywanted/neededtobangem butIdontmesswithgirlsofguysIknow,andIdont
cheatonpeopleIaminarelationshipwith(itstrueIdoubtanyonewouldbelieveitwhoknowsme
apartfromtherejectedgirlsinquestion,ImnotevenhandsomesoIdunnohowthishappened
withoutmyencouragementlol)
Youknownomatterwhatanyonethinksaboutme,Ivehadmorewomenthanallthemputtogether
andthatsafact(probablydependingwhothemare andIwillagainwhenIgetchance,tobe
honestIdontseemyselfsettlingdownuntil40now,andImakenoapologies.Itdoesntmatterhow
anyonedefinesme,IknowwhatIvedoneandwhyIvedoneit.
Stupidly,incrediblythechickfromschoolcanstillcrossmymindfromtimetotime,shesactuallythe
onewhocouldvesnaggedme,whichshedfindridiculouscosshewouldntwantto,Inevercalled
herwhenIcamehomeshehasarelativewhoworksinamarket,Ibumpedintohimatthemarket
oneday,weneverspokeabouther,hesknownmesinceIwasalittlekid,knowsmyfamily,Icould
tellhenowthinksIamanidioticlunatic,soshemusthaveslaggedmetohim.
Sonottoputtoofineapointonit,thatswhyIvebeenPROPERLYsingleforyears.ButIamgonna
comeback,bigger,betterandonedayIllbemarriedandloadedwith2.4kidsandwellseewont
we,whomadetherightchoices.
Reply
SadlySingle
Thanksforthearticle.Ithinkitsspoton.Givesmesomethingtothinkaboutandactupon.Reading
someofthecomments,itseemslikemanyareindenial
Reply
Marie
ThisisthebestarticlesandallthecommentsareveryinterestingIamasinglemotherof17yrs
oldboy.Raisingmysonisanadventureforme,andIguessthatswhyIamstillsingleMysonis
nowinuniversityandafullscholarofourcitygovernment.andheresmysonlastXmasmsgI
knowImaynotbeactiveonline,butIamalwaysactiveathearttosecureyourfuture.Yoursolitary
dayswillbenomore,fortomorrowissafeinmyhands.MerryChristmasmommy,loveyousomuch.
Reply
Marie
BestarticlesandallcommentsareveryinterestingIamasinglemomof17yrsoldboy,raisingson
isanadventureformeIguessthatswhyIamstillsingle.Mysonisnowinuniversityandafull
scholarofourcitygovernment manformeistherootofeveryprobleminrelationship.most
ofthemarenotcontentedtoonewoman,smoker,alcoholics,gambleretc.
Reply
santhosh
Itsreallygoodtoknowmyflawstoovercomeit.
Reply
bleatklty
Icanidentifywithcertainofthepointsofthearticle:lowselfesteemandamixedsentimentofa
fearofintimacy.
Startingwiththelatter,inmyearly20s,Ilivedmyfirst,whichhappenedtobealongdistance
relationship,withsomebody.Duringthattime,Iwasunawareoftheotherrelationshipsthatshewas
engagedin.Uponreturningtothecity,IknewthatIcouldntkeepagrudgeandreinitiatedcontact.
Tragically,Ilearntthatshehadbeensexuallyassaultedoverthecourseofthatyear.
Iwasconfused,filledwithcontemptandcompassion.Imovedaway,wemetagainonother
occasions,butasentimentofmistrusthasntbeenerased.Itisimportanttoforgive,buttonever
17/23
10/06/2015
occasions,butasentimentofmistrusthasntbeenerased.Itisimportanttoforgive,buttonever
forget.
Aboutadecadelater,Igaveanothershotatbeinginarelationship.Welikedeachother,butthere
wasnolove.Ithinkwasexpectingtoomuch.Infactshewastoointelligentformeonasocialand
logicallevel.Whenmyworkranout,Imovedagain,thinkingthatIlovedher.Sheaskednottobe
contacted,butIwouldhavelikedtoattheleastkeepafriendshipgoing.
Currentlyunemployed,Icantevenimaginebeinginarelationship.Idontevenwanttobewith
myself!
Reply
SophiaEva
Verygoodarticle.Single,35yearsoldfemale,educatedandgoodjob.Lastboyfriendsaidheisonly
goingtodatestupidoverweightgirlssotheywouldnotleavehim.AsawomanIdonotunderstand
this.Iamnotsurewhatwomanwouldacceptamanbeingcontinuouslyunemployedanddoinglittle
aboutit.Istilllookedpastitandstayedpositive.Iamshallowandadmitit.IfIcanmaketimeto
lookgoodforyou,thenIfeelyoucantrytolookgoodtoo.Forthemenwhorepliedsayingtheyare
goodguysbutthinktheyareunattractive,youcanchangethat.Idontmindmenbeingoverweight,
guysshouldatleastshave,trimdownstairs,generallyhavegoodhygieneanddrinkwater.One
readerpostedthatallthegoodonesaretaken,thisistruebecausethosemenhavelivesinorder
andwanttomovetothenextphase.Theremainingonesdonothingtochange,looklikecavemen,
orisawhore.
Reply
Anonymous
IfIcanmaketimetolookgoodforyou,thenIfeelyoucantrytolookgoodtoo.Forthe
menwhorepliedsayingtheyaregoodguysbutthinktheyareunattractive,youcanchange
that.Idontmindmenbeingoverweight,guysshouldatleastshave,trimdownstairs,
generallyhavegoodhygieneanddrinkwater.Onereaderpostedthatallthegoodonesare
taken,thisistruebecausethosemenhavelivesinorderandwanttomovetothenext
phase.Theremainingonesdonothingtochange,looklikecavemen,orisawhore.
Nobodywantsadictator.Iam34.Myproblemisthatallthewomenwithinmyagerange
areeitherdivorcedwithchildren,orhavechildren.Itisonethingtohavepreferences,but
nobodywantssomeonetellingsomeonewhattodo.Drinkwater?Comeon.
OfcourseIgettheweirdosandthegardenvarietycreeps.Likepeoplewithstaring
problems.ThereisthisoldsayingIlearnedlongtimeago,steerclearfromtheladies
staringatyouastheyarelookingforlust,andunclean.Idontknowifthatcomesfromthe
Quranorwhat.
Iamdestinedtobealone,period.Peopledosomuchtotickmeoffonadailybasis,infact
myheadwouldexplodeifItried.
Addthesetothedonts
1.Tellingthepersonwhoyoudontreallyknowtoowellthatyouaredivorcingsomeone
(wemendontwanttohearthatcrap)
2.Tellingthepersonabouthavingchildren.(Seriously,thatwouldmakeanyonerun)
3.Bringingupmarriage.
4.STARING
5.Actingdesperate.
6.Askingformoney
7.Complainingaboutnonsense
8.Makingarealstupidjoke.
9.Actingstupidonpurpose.
10.Followingsaidperson(hadthiscraphappenTWICE)
Reply
rachid
heyall
sometimewedontknowwhatwewantandsometimewemisswhatwewantandwewantlike
time
likeme*
iwishifindmygirlimeanmyloveforever
goodluk4all
ciao
Reply
Jermaine
Imnotsingleforanyofthesereasons.Ikeeptryingandfailing.ImneveraloneandIvebeenwith
hundredsofwomenbutwhatIwantdoesntwantmeandwhatwantsmeIdontwant.Lotsofsex
andlotsofdatesbutnothingsolid.Ihavenoideawhy.IdontgiveupandIcontinuetotryandits
alwaysthesame...datesandsexbutnorelationship.AllmyfriendsthinkImastudanditsannoying
becausetheyareallmarriedexceptme.IalwaysgotthegirlsandIstilldobutcantkeeponeto
savemylife.IwishIcouldsecretlyinterviewallthesewomentofindoutwhyamIalwaysusedas
18/23
10/06/2015
savemylife.IwishIcouldsecretlyinterviewallthesewomentofindoutwhyamIalwaysusedas
theboytoyandneverapotentialpartner.Iwillneverunderstandthisgiftthatisacurse
Reply
Northern_Guy
Dude,thatswhytheycallthematingarenaanARENA!Itsroughoutthere!Andsometimes
ifwelookrealcloselywemightfindwehavehigherexpectationsforourpartnersthanwe
doforourselves!(Notsayingyouinparticular,butalotofpeople,alotofthetime.)
Reply
Really.
therearetomanydateingsites.tomuchfreesexwaytomanySocialpaths.tomanyloveadditsand
druganddrinkingbarhoppingpeoplejustlookingforsomeonetousewaytomanylonelypeople..
andtheirisnorealloveinthisdayandagewelivein.noonewantstotaketimetogettoknowany
onetheyjumpintellingyoutheirlifestoryanditsneveragoodone..orifyouhaveyourownplace
carjobtheywanttomoverightinwithyouveryfastandtakeoveryourworld..welltheyfellinlove
withyouveryfastandIknowfromithappeningtomemorethanonce.fastloveleadstofast
Hatesoifyoucanstaysingleandtakecareofyourselfandyourfamilythanplsdosoforyourown
sake..donotthrowawaywhatyouhadtoworkveryhardforonLovewishIwouldofknownthese
thingswhenIwasyounger)
Reply
Paul
ButwhataboutmanyofusSinglepeoplethatreallyhatetobeAlone?,especiallywhenallyour
friendsandfamilymembersareallmarriedwiththeirfamiliesandwerestillNot.Reallysucks
doesntit?Andiamsurealotoftheothermenandwomenouttherewouldcertainlyagreewithme
too.ReallymeetingtherightpersonisveryhardnowadayssincetheDivorcerateissooutofcontrol
now,unlikeyearsagowhenmanymenandwomendidmaketheirmarriagework.
Reply
Richter
Nobodyinthissituationknowswhatyoumeanwhenyousayunrealisticexpectations.Itmeans
nothingthatweknowof,butisprobablycodeforsomethingalongthelinesofyoumightnotreally
haveallthatmuchgoingforyou.Ofcoursenoonewilltellyouthat,soyoudonteverKNOWthat.I
thinkitssafetosayifyourgoalistodatethePresidentofBoliviaoraVictoriasSecretmodel,thats
unrealistic.Butotherwise,singlepeoplehavenoideawhatthatphrasemeans.
Reply
Natalie
Havingspentmostofmyadultlifesingleiknowallthedifficultiesthatcomewithit.Butifirmly
believesomepeoplearereallybetteroffremainingsinglefortheirsakeandthesakeofthosethey
becomeinvolvedwith.Ialwaysknewiwasselfcenteredbutthoughticouldchangewhenigot
married.Iwaswrong.14yearswehavebeenmarriedandwehavegrownmoreapart,notcloser
together.Notlongagoduringafighthetoldmeiwasthemostselfishpersonhehadevermet.That
wasquiteablow.Whileheisnopicnicbaskethedoesgivetoothersmorethanido.Iknowihave
compassionforthelessfortunatebutneverlearnedtobeaverygivingperson,oratleastitwould
seem.Inanyrelationshipyouhavetogivealot.Makesureyouareready.
Reply
Cheatedonexwife
March5,2015at6:39pm
Youknow,itwasstatedthatabadroutineofworkandstayinginisalmostafaultofourown
making.Myexlivesfourstatesawayandonlyseesourkidseveryotherweekend.Ihavenointerest
inbringingabunchofmenaroundmykidsandasasinglemotherIambarelyabletokeepupwith
work,ahouseholdandallthedemandsofmychildren.
DoesthismeanIdontwantarelationshiporthatImakemyselfemotionallyunavailable?Absolutely
not.ItmeansthateveryotherFridaynight(ifIamnotworkinga6thor7thdayfortheweek),Iam
dyingtoputmyfeetupwiththatglassofwineandputtheTVon.NotbecauseIamavoiding
intimacy,butmorebecauseinthosemoments,Ihavenodemandsputonme.Nohomeworktogo
over,nodinnertomake,nolaundrytorotate,norunningtowhateversporting/school/socialeventI
havetobeMomsElCheapoTaxiforandnoworryingoverhowtopaythebillsonmymeagersalary.
So,Iaskthisquestionwhereanddoesapersonthatisgenuinelyexhaustedmeetsomeoneelse
thathasjustasmuchontheirplatetosharethisinsanitycalledlifewith?
Reply
Helen
March9,2015at9:37am
19/23
10/06/2015
March9,2015at9:37am
Iliketheideaofbeinginloveandhavingarelationship,butthetheoryisdifferentfromreality.Any
relationshipwillgostaleinafewmonths/years.Plus,IdontthinkIcouldhandlethestressof
someonecheatingonme,walkingoneggshellslestIupsetthem,havingtocook/cleanupafter
someone,neglectingmyfitness,notbeingabletorelaxinmyownhome,andmany,manymore
reasons.IthinkIamluckytobedivorced.EverytimeIhearamantalkabouthiswife/gf,Ithinkto
myself,thankgodIamsingle!!!!
Reply
Northern_Guy
EachdaythatgoesbyIamstrongerbeingsingle.IamnotaloneIhavekids,family,friendseven
myexwifeisapartofmylifenow,justinadifferentandlimitedway.Butitsalmostbetter,
becauseasahusbandIcouldnotmakeherhappynomatterhowhardItried.Wassheimpossible
toplease?SomesayshewasprettydemandingandunwillingtocompromiseOrwasIputtingtoo
mucheffortintothewrongthings?DidIjustmisstheboatentirely?Webothhavesignificant
commitmentandintimacyissueswhostosaywhostoblameforwhat?Iamgoingtoenjoythis
summer,freefromwhatfeltlikeawholelotofworkandfrustrationonlytohaveanunappreciative
audienceattheotherendofit.Itsucks,despiteyourbestefforts,tohaveanunhappyspousewho
onedaysaysenough.
Reply
Bryan
WhydidIreadthis.
Reply
Paul
April6,2015at3:07pm
WellformanyofusthatarestillSingle,idofeelthatGodistoblamesincemanyofusDidntwantto
besinglewhichmanyofuswantedtobemarriedwithafamily.WereNotsinglebychoice,thatis
forsure.AndconnectingwiththerightpersonforusisveryDifficultforusrightnow,especiallyfor
usGoodmenlookingforaGoodwomantosettledownwith.
Reply
MrezaHabibi
Ithinkthatsomepeoplewanttohaveralationbutdontknowabouttruecontactandwhatsayand
howsayfirsttime
Reply
DeborahLindy
Ithinkamjustugly.Myheighthasalsocontributed.Mencomemywayandcomplimentbutitdoesnt
getanyfurther.Beinglonelyisntfunguy.Ifuraladyanduhavesomeonewhosserious,holdonto
themandappreciate.Otherwisesomeofuswishwehadthem.
Reply
exdater
April22,2015at12:39pm
IusedtobeverysuccessfulatdatinguntilIwas26,andafterthat,everythingwentdownhillquickly.
Todaywithalmost31yearsold,Ihavebeenyearswithoutdating,exceptfrommaybeadateevery9
months,afterwhichthegirlusuallywantstoknownothingaboutmeanymore.Mylastdatewaslike
6monthsagoitwasagirlIhadmetinabar,andwewentforadrinkduringtheweek,andshe
abruptlyescapedthedatewithaIhavetomeetafriend,onlylike1hourafterthedatehad
started.
Imnotexactlysurewhathappened.SomepeoplesayitsbecauseImbalding,butIdontwantto
thinkwomencanbesosuperficial.Maybetheyareright.Idontknow.
Inanycase,Imstartingtogiveup,andlearningtobeonmyown.
Reply
RealityCheck
Withsomanyveryhighmaintenancewomenouttherethesedaysitcertainlymakesitvery
hardforusgoodsinglemenmeetingagooddecentonetoday.
Reply
20/23
10/06/2015
justapeson
Ifoundthisreallyhelpful.Iamstilllostbutmostlybecauseicanttellwhichorhowmanyofthese
arethetruecauseofmyproblem.Iamonly17andambynomeansdyingforarelationshipbuti
wasbeginingtothinkthattheremaybesmothingwrongwithme.Ihavealwaysbeenalittlemore
observantthanotherkidsandwheniwasinthefirstgradeandgirlswherealreadyfightingover
guystdateiwasdisgusted.icametohateitwhenpeopletrytoflirtwithmeandiwouldwaituntil
highschooltodate.butnowthatitsnotoktohaveaguyfriendiamjusttoscaredorindifferentfora
relationship.Ibegantothinkiwasaromanticorasexualandthatmayeiwasbetteroffwithjust
friends.buticonstantlyremindedthatigaveuponafightthatineverstartedandiammorelost
thanever.Atfirstireallyfeltlikeitdidntmatteriwasjsutahighshoolerandididntneedtoworry.
butireallyfeellikethatsnottrue.imawkwardnowfromputtingthisoffforsomanyyearsandi
thinkitwillonlygetworsefromhereonout.andinaselfevaluationitseemstobemyonlyreal
prolbemwithmyselfrightnow.iamconsernedandindifferentallatthesametime.
Reply
Jack
May4,2015at6:40pm
Lol,allnottruethereisonlyonereasonnoequityorreturnoninvestment.
ImwealthyinphenomenalshapebecauseallIdoisworkandworkout,Ispendtimeenjoyingmy
lifedoingwhatIlike.
Theproblemismostpeopleareselfishandselfentitled.Imakethingshappen,Idonttalk,Ido.
ThatswhoIamandImnotgoingtosacrificingeverythingIworkedhardfortotakecareofalay
aboutwithnoambitionforthenextfiftyyears,Imgoingtofightandpushandworkmywaytothe
topandenjoywhatlittletimeIhavelivinglifetothemax.Inthislifeyoucanonlycountonyourself,
startinvestinginyourself,youshouldntneedanyoneelsetobehappy.
Reply
Aaron
May10,2015at12:49am
Hi,
Mysituationisweird(Ireadsomecommentswhowouldagreewithme).Im29maleusually
womanfindmeattractivebutIalsohavebabyface(cute)whichImtotallyafraidofnow.Imvery
comfortablewithmostofthewomenandtheyalsofindmecomfortabletohavearound.But,nobody
showsinterestinmethewayIwantedseriousrelationship!Imstillkindofapunchingbag/friendly
toy/boytomostofthem.Idontunderstand,IsitthatIneedtomanupandbehavedifferently
withtheoneIlikeORIshouldjustwaittofindtherightone?
Reply
Jen
May15,2015at12:02am
Thisarticledisgustsme.
Letmetellthisyousadsaps.
Tofindsomeonesuitableforyou,istofindsomeonewhosharesthesamethingsasyou(not
everything,canbeacoupleofthings),wantsthesamethingsinlifeaswell.
Relationshipsisaboutwhatyoubothcangiveintotherelationship(dontgofor50/50,go100/100
foreachother).
Ifyouarelookingfor10thingsinapartner,dont,justfindthetop4or5thingsinafuturepartner
thataremoreimportant,andkeepyourstandardsnottoohighornottootoolow,remember,you
wantabestfriend,apartner.
Forthemostpartwhyrelationshipsbreak,islackofpropercommunication(naggingaddsstressto
partners),lackofcommoninterestsandalwaysgivingnegativeenergy.
YouguyneverbothertolookinthemirrorandsaywhatcanIdobetternexttime?,butitsalways
thepoormesyndrome,cutthatout,itsamassiveturnoff.
WhenIfindguys,Iamlookingforcommoninterests,hobbies,viewsoncertainthings,something
thatcomplementsmylifeandviseversa.
Ifagreatguythatkeepschasingyouforawhile,justtakethatchance,youneverknowwhoheis
underallthat
Ifoundmyboyfriendononeoftwodatingsites,Ihadafewdatesononesiteaftertalkingtothe
guysforawhile,buttheresnothingthereaftermeetingthem.
Theotherdatingsiteiswaybetterandmoredetails,5categorieswithpercentmatchesetc.oneguy
ihavebeentalkingtoonthatsite,wasonlyinterestedinmeofhowmucheducationIhad,nothing
else,nevertalkedwithmeforaweekanddecidedtoplanadate.butduringourtextmessages,how
hetalkedtome,therewassomebadwarningsigns,tryingtoimpressmejusttogetsex,soi
canceledthedate.
Thesecondguyonthatsamedatingsite,hewasanerdwhowasopenminded,smartandlikesto
goonadventures(threethingsiamlookingforinaguy),afterafewdates,welearnedhowmuch
morewehaveincommonandwhatwewantinlife,itsalmostexact Andtodayisourthirdmonth
anniversaryandwearealreadythinking/planningahead,anyways
Youguysshouldsmartenupandbetteryourselvestohelpgainthetypeofrelationshipyoutruly
wanted,getahobby,learnsomeskillsetc.
Onemorething,childrenneedsastayhomeparenttoteachandraisetheirkidsandnotstrangers,
thatiswhysomefemalesarelookingforafinanciallystablemen!
Reply
tess
May17,2015at3:08pm
YeahIagreewithothercomments.ButIamsinglebecausenoguyapproachesme,Ithinkits
becauseofmyskinproblems,maybetheythinkIhaveHIVorwhatIdontknow.yeahIwasnt
21/23
10/06/2015
becauseofmyskinproblems,maybetheythinkIhaveHIVorwhatIdontknow.yeahIwasnt
readymaybe2yearsagobutnowIaminmy30sIamreadytohaveapartner,readytohavesex
owyeahImcravingforit,IonlyhadittwiceinmylifewhenIwas27yearsold,readytohavea
child.SometimesIjustsitandthinkthatmaybeIwillneverhaveamanInmylifebecauseIamnot
attractive,ormaybeGodwantsmetofocusonHim.
Reply
JenniferAnne
May17,2015at4:38pm
tomebeingsinglewasafreeingemotioninmy20sand30s.Ialwayswantedsomeoneto
complimentmygoalsandaspirations.Ifallintothecategoryofdatingadventagousmen.Nowinmy
40samsoshockedatthestigmacouplesformtowardssinglesespeciallysinglewomeninour40s.
Itisamazingthattheworkforcemakesyouintosomeonethatmustsucceedhigherthanthemom
justworkingtoputfoodonthetableorcomparedtotheothersinglewomanwhomholdsherselfas
apowerhousewiththeboysclub.Formebeingsinglehasbeenmoreofacursethanablessing.Oh
andfarfromuglyjustputintothesinglelabelformanydecadesofmylife.tiredofthestigma.
Reply
Journeyman2015
May20,2015at10:15am
Iam26yearsoldaboutto27nextmonthandIhavefoundthatspecialsomeoneIdoseemyself
withfortherestofmylife.Inthebeginningwedidhavesomethingspecialgoingbutnowithas
deterioratedduetomylyingmanipulationandotherdumbthingsIhavedonetoangerher.Im
prettyaaverageguymakeasomewhatdecentlivingtopayformybillswhojusthappenstoenjoy
videogamesandanime.YeahitischildishonmyendbutIenjoybeingdifferentbutatsametime
ImtryingtojustsimplystandoutandshowtheworldwhatIcanofferaswellasmygoodfriendby
tryingtochangeeverythingaboutmyselfforthebetter.Imnotonlydoingthisformyselfbutforher
too.Ineverreallywasconsideredamansmannortobeonetohavetheknowledgetomaintaina
goodrelationship.Igrewupbeingbulliednotonlyatschoolbutathometoo.BytheImeanmy
parentsabusedmementally,emotionally,andfinanciallytothepointtowhereIcantevenget
arousedformypossiblesignificantotherduetomymotherbeinganexibitionist(Imnoteven
goingtogointodetailwiththatbecauseImsurewhatmostofyouseewhereIamgoing.Myfriend
gavemethestrengthtogetawayfromthemforgoodsoIcanfinallystartmyadultlife.TechnicallyI
amsinglebecauseofthethingsIhavedonetohurtmyfriendandIhavetoprovetoherthatIcan
treatherright.IamintheprocessofchangingmydemeanorhowIthinkactandeverythingsoIcan
provetoherIcanbethemanshealwaysdreamedof.Imalsodoingthisformyselftoosopeople
cantakemeseriously.ByallmeansIamnotlookingforanysympathyorpeopletocoddleme.
SeriouslymyparentsdidenoughofthatshittomewhichmademewhatIamrightnowalittle
pussy.PointthatImakingisthatnomatterwhatbackgroundyouhaveorwhatyouarenotyoustill
havetheopportunitytochangeeverythingsothatyoucanfindtheoneyouhavebeenseekingyour
wholelifetoloveandforyoutocherishuntilyouredeadandgone.IhavefoundthatjustIneedto
getbetterandchange.
Reply
Journeyman2015
May20,2015at10:18am
abouttobe27nextmonth*
Idoseemyseldbeingwithherfortherestofmylife*
Lolthisiswhathappenswhenyouwakeupinthemiddleofthenightwithyourmindracing
andonceyougettorolling,youtripoveryourself.
Reply
BenReallyKnows
May21,2015at7:16pm
ManyofusareNotsinglebychoice.
Reply
CaroleHeath
May23,2015at12:15pm
Ithinkrelationshipsaregiveandtakenothingiseasyinlife.Butamiserablerelationshipisnotgood
oncepeoplefeeltakenforgrantedtheresentmentsetsinwhichisthebeginningofadownward
spiral.Thissituationcanbejustasbadforbothmenandwomen.
Reply
mismatch
May26,2015at8:55pm
Choosetodivorcebasedonamanwhodoesnotsupportmedoesnttreatmeasapriority,Ido
everythingforhimallthewaydowntocuttinghistoenails,Ipayallthebillsbuyallthefood.ThenI
findouthehasbeenpayingallhisadultsonbillsleavingmetodoitall,mysituationisIdontmind
helpingmanwhosdownbUTtotakewhatyouhaveandallowalazyadulttoremainthatwayisan
enablerandIfindIwasallowinghimtodoittome,sohehasgottogo,Iwouldlovetobeina
relationshipbutIrefusetocontinuetobeused.IbelieveinGodandIknowhehastherightperson
formenotaperfectmanbutaGodfearingone,soIllletGoddohisworkifhechosetokeepme
singleIprayheletsmeenjoyit.
Reply
22/23
10/06/2015
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Why Am I Still Single

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10/06/2015

Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay

ABOUT LISA FIRESTONE, PH.D.

BY LISA FIRESTONE, PH.D.

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