N ON FIC TION

OfGodandHisEnemies
CONFESSIONSOFAMILDAPOSTATE
BYHALCROWTHER

I N TH E D A Y LI GH T world,logicissuchanelegant,efficientweapon,

andreligionissuchaneasytarget.Onemanwithabriefcasefulloflogic
likeenrichedplutoniumcanleveltwothousandyearsoftheologyin
fifteenminutes.ThepassionateneuroticMartinLutherneverdoubted
thepoweroflogic,whichiswhyherailedagainstitlikealunatic:
Reasonisthedevilsbride,abeautifulwhore,andGodsworstenemy..
..Treadherunderfoot.Throwdunginherface.Youmustpartwith

HalCrowther,critic
andessayist,isthe
authorofGatherat
theRiver,afinalistfor
theNationalBook
CriticsCircleprizefor
criticismanessay
collection,Cathedrals
ofKudzu:APersonal
Landscapeofthe
South,winnerofthe
LillianSmithBook
Awardfor
commentaryandthe
FellowshipPrizefrom
theFellowshipof
SouthernWritersand
AnInfuriating

reasonandkillher,oryouwillnotgetintothekingdomofheaven.
Alittlelogictakessuchadeadlytollamongthesacredcows,thatthe
literaryperformancesofbestsellingatheistsearnhigherscoresfor
showmanshipthandegreeofdifficulty.ChristopherHitchens,Richard
Dawkins,andSamHarrisaremarksmenwhoseassaultsonGod,theBible,
anddogmaticChristianitydefycoherentcounterattack.Yetmanyofus,
comparablyarmed,mightdoaswell.Starthumbly,withOurFather.A
genderedorpigmented,orsexualizedGodisanideaofstaggering,risible
stupiditythatmanyChristians(andJewsandMuslims)havenotoutgrown.
WhatdoesitmeantosaythatJesusChrististheSonofGod?Itwas
onceametaphor,no?ItmeantthatJesuswasamansouprightand
charismaticthatheseemeddivine.Amoreliteral,semanticallycorrect
interpretationofsonplacesussquarelyinthevastshadowofGodspenis.
Metaphororcrudenonsense,takeyourpick.Allowingmyselfthat
blasphemy,ImcomfortedbytheexampleofMarkWorth,aUnitarian
UniversalistministerinCastine,Maine,whodaredtomakeasimilar
observationfromhispulpittoaratherelderly,ifnotconservative,
congregation.
Thissameclergymanopenedupaworldofalternativespeculationand
potentialstrifewhenheadded,Godisametaphor.Alllogicalpathslead
totheatheistssmug,unassailabletruism,thatmancreatesGodinhisown
image,aclichthattruebelievershatealmostasmuchasskepticshate
Therearenoatheistsinfoxholes.ButthereintheBiblerelentlessly,inour
ownunappetizingimage,isHe.TheGoodBook,declaredtheliteralWordof

American:The
IncendiaryArtsofH.
L.Mencken
(UniversityofIowa
Press,2014).
Crowthersworkalso
appearsinseveral
anthologies,including
the2014Pushcart
Prizevolume.He
livesinNorth
Carolinawithhiswife,
thenovelistLee
Smith.

GodbymanyChristianswhodontseemtohavereaditorwerewalked
throughitblindfoldedbypreacherswithagendasissoembarrassingly
humanthatacleveratheistlikeDawkinscanmaketheOldTestamentsound
likeadizzyfarce.TheremarkablebookofLeviticus,richsourceoftabooand
prejudiceforfundamentalists,canonlybetakenforcomedybyamodern
readerorforacasestudyofacuteobsessioncompulsion.Listeningforthe
masteroftheuniverse,wehearinsteadtheheadmasterofsomethirdrate,
unrulyboardingschoolwhoshalfunhingedbetweenaprurientinterestin
thesexualiniquityofhisflockandafanaticaldeterminationtostampitout.
WasthereeverameannunorpriggishpriesthalfaspickyasthisGodof
Moses?ThepettifoggingGodofLeviticusisalsoGodtheurologist,the
hygienist,thesexcounselor,andthedermatologisttheLordsaversionto
blemishes,onpeopleorsacrificialanimals,runsusintodeeppathology.But
notingallthekinkythingsthesehumbledesertherdsmenwerealreadyupto
hereatthedawnofhistorysodomy,bestiality,everyvarietyofincestits
easytosympathizewithMosesthetrailboss,laboringtokeephishorny
Hebrewsonthatelusivepathofrighteousness.Anditseasytowishthat
someonelikeMosesorhismountaintopaltaregowerearoundtoday,to
scaresimplepeopleintokeepingtheirpantsup.

P H O B I A S , G R A N D I O S I T Y , A N D gravecontrolissuesaretheleastofthe
problemsmodernpsychotherapywouldredflagforthealltoohuman
authorofLeviticus.Butthispurplefaced,officious,oftenridiculousrule
maker(readLeviticus15,subheadedConcerningBodilyDischargesinthe
NRSV)thoughhesresponsiblefortheabsurdnotion,stillwidespread,
thattheLordofamilliongalaxiesisfascinatedbythesextricksofprimates
isfarfromtheleastattractiveGodwefindintheOldTestament.Itwasthe
piddlingbookofNahum,aminorprophetsvisionofvengeanceonthe
Assyrians,thatbeganmyfallfromgraceamongproperChristians.A
jealousandavengingGodistheLord,theLordisavengingandwrathfulthe
Lordtakesvengeanceonhisadversariesandragesagainsthisenemies,
NahumravedandtheMethodistSundayschoolteacherreadaloud,andI,
eight,raisedmyhandtoask,WhyshouldIlovemyenemiesifGodhates
his?
ThisteachersresponsetomyinfantlogicwasmuchinthespiritofMartin
Luther.Butitwasoneofmymiddleagedrevelations,readingaGideon
BibleinadoctorsofficewhenIwasfifty,thatcaughtmeunawaresand
convincedmethatreligiousindoctrinationofchildrenleavespermanent
intellectuallesions.ReadingfirstofJoshuasappallingmassacreatJericho
(men,women,infants,livestock),andthenthegruesomepassageinSamuel
whereDavidwinsSaulsdaughterinexchangefortheforeskinsofone
hundredslaughteredPhilistines,itcametomebelatedlythatbiblical
victoriesJudeoChristianchildrenweretaughttoapplaudasourveryown
Jericho,DavidtopplingGoliathwereactuallyaccountsofserialgenocide

renderedbythegloatingperpetrators.Inspiredbytheirgloatinggod.The
onlyfaultinthesemurderedtribesanddevastatedcitieswastheirfailureto
worshipthegodoftheHebrews,ofwhom,ofcourse,theyhadneverheard.
Historiansandarchaeologistssuggestthattheconquestsoftheancient
HebrewsaregreatlyexaggeratedintheBible.Butthisfiercemartialgodof
theirsismuchlikethegodswemeetinHomersIliad,stainingtheirblades
withthebloodofmenonthewindyplainsofTroy.
AsopposedtosciencesBigBangtheoryfortheoriginsoftheuniverse,
theOldTestamentoffersaBigBoytheoryvirtuosoCreationbyagodso
male,macho,mean,andmuscleboundthatlesserbeingsapproachhim
trembling.(Iftheskygodreligionsarentpreciselyallaboutthesubjugation
ofwomen,assomefeministssuggest,itremainsoneoftheirmostconsistent
andunsavoryachievements.)Theoldreligionisprettyhardtoswallow
withoutaneffectivetestosteronefilter.Andthisimageofatruculent,
jealous,uncompromisingGodYahwehorthehighway,basicallyisan
unfortunatebiblicallegacythatsurvivesinunattractivewaysamong
Christians,Muslims,andthemostorthodoxofJews.Monotheismwasa
mixedblessing.TheOldTestamentisamixedbag,bothamasterworkanda
pieceofwork.Savagery,StoneAgeignorance,andgrindingrepetitionare
relievedbysoaringpoetry,bysongsoflonginganddevotionthathaveleft
indeliblemarksonalltheliteratureoftheWest.ThetroublewithAmericans
wasneverthattoomanyofthemreadtheBible.Thetroublewasthattoo
manyofthemreadnothingelse.
IfyoutaketheBibleliterallyyoureadunce.Ifyouhaventreadityourea
barbarian.Youcancometoitwithallsortsofbaggage,witheveryvarietyof
prejudice,andfindtheBiblefascinating.Theonethingyoumightwishto
leaveathomeisyourlogic.Scriptureisliteraturewithamarblingofancient
historynotwohistoriansagreeonhowmuch.Howwillwemaintainthe
criticalseparationofchurchandstate,atheistscomplain,ifpeoplecant
separateliteraturefromrevelation?Scholarstheorizethatthewritersand
compilersoftheBiblecertainlyknewthedifferencebetweenmyth,
metaphor,parable,andactualfact,andtheywouldbestunnedtofindtheir
workengravedonstonetabletsbyliteralmindedmoderns.Butthisissuch
anoldandintractableimpassethattheatheistcrusadersmightbegintobore
me,inspiteoftheirpolishedreasoningiftheywerentclearlyfocusing
theirwarningsontheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Inthedaylightworldwhere
facts,probability,science,anddeductivethinkingcountforsomething,logic
rulesandsuperstitionhangsitshead.Butthereareplaces,andtheUnited
Statesisoneofthem,wherewedontseeasmuchdaylight.

T H E R E L I G I O S I T Y O F todaysAmericaissomethingtruly
remarkable,understatesRichardDawkins.Itsworthnotingthattwoof
theseatheistauthors,DawkinsandHitchens,areBritons(Hitchenswas
recentlynaturalizedhere)andthatCatholicandAnglicanclergyinGreat

Britainwererecentlyadvisednottoweartheirclericaldogcollarsoffduty.
Besidesattractingthieves,saidNickTolsonofBritainsNational
Churchwatch,thecollarsmayprovokeindividualswithagrudgeagainst
God.GrudgesagainstGodarelesscommoninAmerica,where92percent
ofthepopulationclaimstobelieveinhim,presumablywithoutanimus.
BritonsandothereducatedWesternersareastoundedbytheapparent
gullibilityofAmericanChristians,whoalsoprofessoverwhelmingcertainty
aboutsuchfranklyarcanetheologicalcuriositiesasthevirginbirth(83
percent)andworkingangels(75percent).
InEurope,evenafterallthemurderandupheaval,thedevastationofthe
twentiethcenturyperhapsinpartbecauseofitthesagesofthe
Enlightenmentmightyetrecognizethefruitoftheseedstheyplanted.Great
Britainisnowterminallysecularized,accordingtocolumnistGeoffrey
Wheatcroft:ChurchofEnglandservicesareregularlyattendedbyfewer
than2percentofthepopulation,andallChristianchurchescombined
attractabout7percent.InPrague,whichboastssomeofEuropesmost
beautifulecclesiasticalarchitecture,acathedralguidetoldmethat90
percentoftheCzechsleavechurchestothetouristsandfaithtothe
ancestors.Europeschurchesareempty,andtraditionalreligiousleaders,
includingthepope,havelostmuchoftheirinfluence.Butthosesameseeds
ofreason,sowninAmericawithsoaringexpectations,failedtogerminateor
sentupstrange,bitterfruit.Whenpollsindicatethatthreequartersofus
anticipatealiteral,harpandhaloheavenandoverhalfembracea
creationistviewofEarthsorigins,Europeansblinkindisbelief.Butamused
condescensionturnstoalarmwhentheforeignerrealizesthatthisisalsoa
countrywheredoubtingwhatnothoughtfulpersonfailstodoubtcanmake
youapariah,evenafugitive.SamHarris,ourfirstatheistcelebritysince
MadalynMurrayOHair,warnedaninterviewerfromtheWashingtonPost
thatanypersonalinformationaboutHarriswherehelivesorstudies,even
mightexposehimtoviolentreprisalsfromthereligiousRight.
Religiousdoubtscanmarginalizeyourcitizenship.Arecentpresidential
candidatewasapracticingMormon,andanotherwasaDarwindenying
Baptistliteralist,implyingthathethinkstheearthisfourthousandyearsold
andthatdinosaursfrolickedwiththeFlintstones.Declaredhomosexualsand
socialistshavebeenelectedtopublicofficemainlyinNewEnglandbutno
avowedatheisthaseverbeenelectedandaccordingtopollsneverwillbe.
Theresnobelieftoowildorsillytodisqualifyacandidate,apparently,but
slightlyoverhalfofAmericanspolledagreethatdisbeliefisanautomatic
disqualification.Theendlesshoopspoliticiansmustleapthroughto
reassureChristiansoftheirabidingfaithwoulddisgustperformingdogsand
sealions.Europeansareappalled.Religiosityseemsatleastasimportant
forpublicofficeasleadershipqualities,saidGermanpoliticalscientistKarl
Kaiser,quotedbyRogerCohenintheNewYorkTimes.Theentrance
conditionfortheAmericanpresidentialraceisbeingreligious.Ifyourenot,

youhavenochance.
Eachelectioncycleseemstocompoundthisritualofpublichumiliation
asifthespiritualtestimonyofRudyGiulianiorHillaryClintoncould
influenceanyvoterwithopposablethumbs.ThecablenetworkCNNset
democracybackahundredyearswhenitconfrontedRepublicanpresidential
candidateswithavideotapedChristianholdingupaBibleanddemanding,
Doyoubelieveeverywordofthisbook?
JohnMcCaininformedusthattheConstitutionestablishedtheUnited
StatesofAmericaasaChristiannation.Anamazingbitofignoranceor
whoring,this,becausethetruthistheexactoppositethereisnomention
ofGodorChristintheConstitutionandverydeliberatelyso,sincethe
foundersgreatestfear,besidesthereturnofKingGeorgetohangthemall,
wasthattheirgloriousexperimentmightbecompromisedbytheEuropean
curseoftheocracy.Afteralltheseyearsasapublicservant,inthearmed
forcesandtheSenate,youwouldsupposethatJohnMcCainhadreadthe
Constitution.Evenwithalltheamendmentsitsnotlong,andyoucanfindit
onpage498ofthenewWorldAlmanac.
Whyus?isaquestionmanyAmericanwritershavetriedtoanswerwhy
somanyofushaveregressed,devolved,andrevertedtomedieval
superstitionsthatrepelledmostofthearchitectsofourrepublic.Itsbeen
attributedtoisolationandoverconfidence,tothemetaphysicalself
indulgenceoftheprivileged.Mybestguessisthateducationhasnotkept
pacewiththeruthlessdemocratizationofourculture.(Thelastshallbe
firstisarecipeforanintellectualtrainwreck.)Americanspiritualityisvery
broadbutpainfullythin.AccordingtoaHarpersMagazinearticlein2005,
lessthanhalfofournominalChristiansareabletonamethefourGospels.
Insofarasthereisareligiousrevivalinthiscountry,itappearstoberooted
incasualignoranceratherthanthereligiouseducationandmeditationthat
confirmedpreviousgenerationsofbelievers.MarkC.Taylor,whoteaches
religionatWilliamsCollegewhereIoncestudieditcomplainsintheNew
YorkTimesthatconservativeChristiansarenowamongthequerulous
minoritieswhoprotestthatfreespeechmakesvictimsofthem.Religious
correctnessissimplythelatestversionofpoliticalcorrectness,writes
Taylor.Indeed,itseemsthemorereligiousstudentsbecome,theless
willingtheyaretoengageincriticalreflectionaboutfaith.
Contemplatingthevast,smugtargetwepresent3.8millionsquaremiles
ofhypocrisy,sanctimoniousness,andintoleranceitsnotsurprisingthat
theatheistsandfreethinkersoftheworldarelockedandloadedandfixing
theUnitedStatesintheircrosshairs.ConsideringthesizeoftheChristian
publishingindustry,itsnotsurprisingthataliterateminoritylong
consignedtothepitsofhellisstrikingback,lessincontemptofGodthanin
defenseofcommonsense.Whatsastonishingisthattheirbooksareselling
sowellinAmerica,wherescarcely5percentofthepopulationwillconfessto
agnosticism,farlessoutrightrejectionoftheLord.SamHarrisenjoyedlong

runsonthebestsellerlistswithbothTheEndofFaithandLettertoa
ChristianNation,andRichardDawkinssTheGodDelusiondominated
hardcoverandpaperbacklistsformonths.ChristopherHitchenssGodIs
NotGreatwasnolesssuccessful,andHitchensscaledthechartsagainasthe
editorofThePortableAtheist,aselectionofreadingsfornonbelievers.
Thankstotheatheists,nearlyanybookwithGodinthetitlecanexpecttobe
publishedenthusiastically.ThoughdebunkingthebiblicalGodisscarcely
moreintellectuallychallengingthandefendinghim,theGod/NoGodgame
hasbecomeareliable,apparentlyinexhaustiblefranchiseforAmericas
beleagueredpublishers.
RighthereinGodsCountry,itstheimprobableHouroftheAtheist.And
yet,whenatheistsandagnosticsheldtheir2007conventioninMadison,
Wisconsin,inayearofgrowthandrhetoricaltriumph,theeventattracted
sometenthousanddoubtersfewersoulsthansomeChristian
megachurchesholdforasingleservice.Isitshockvaluealonethatcreatesa
marketforaChristopherHitchens,whosubtitledhisbookHowReligion
PoisonsEverything?Istherealongslumberingspiritofrebellionagainst
fundamentalistbullies,abacklashofseethingPatRobertsonhaterswaiting
tobeexploited?Oreventhefirstfaintglimmerofadawnofreasonacross
thesefruitedplains?IwishIknew.Theresnogroundbreakingscienceor
scholarshipinthesebooksbutarepriseforapopularaudienceofwhat
scientists,philosophers,andothereducatedindividualshavebeenthinking
forgenerations,inmanyinstancesforcenturies.Theresnotmuchthat
Jeffersonwoulddisavow,orVoltaire.ForyearsIveplowedsomeofthe
samehardgroundmyself,notdenyingtheGodofMosesinsomanywords
tothebestofmyknowledgethatsstillacapitaloffenseinNorthCarolina,
whereImknowntolivebutdeployingironyandinconvenienttruthsto
discouragecreationists,millenarians,crossclutchingracists,andotherCro
MagnonChristiansoftheSouthernsynod.Snarlshavebeenplentiful,
encouragementlimitedtotheusualfellowtravelers.Thereisno
EnlightenmentgroundswellintheCarolinas.Agaybusinessmanwas
runningfortheSenate,butatheistsarestillhidingintheGreatDismal
Swamp.
Iveheardonetheorythatfundamentalistsarebuyingupatheistbooksto
takethemoutofcirculation,tocramforrebuttals,andtodiscoverwhatthe
cursedanddamnedandarticulateareactuallythinking.Thisisnot
implausiblebecauseitseemstomethatthestrongestpointstheauthors
makeareonesthatmostoftheirnaturalreadershavealreadyconcededand
thattheirnaturalenemieswouldneverentertain.Theorthodox,
anthropomorphic,widelyretailedGodtheyaimtodislodgewiththeir
seriousthinkingisnotagodthatmanyseriousthinkershaveembraced.
Unlikeinsecureconservatives,Americanliberalsdontbuybooksbythe
millionsjusttoconfirmestablishedprejudiceandcongratulatethemselves.
Whoexactlyistheatheistauthorstargetreader,inacountrywherethe

rationalmicrominoritysaysofcourseandthemajorityreachesfora
pitchfork?AttheheartofAmericasreligioussingularityisanunimaginable
gulf,thegulfthatstretchesbetweenmeandHaroldCamping.
IdiscoveredHaroldontelevisioninNewYorkCity,ofallplaces.Though
Ivelivedinseveralforeigncountriesandtraveledinmany,Icantsay
definitivelythattheresnoonelikeHaroldanywhereelseintheworld.But
Idbetonit.Iwasinmyhotelroomlateatnightchannelsurfing,lookingfor
almostanythingbutadoseofJesus.Mythumbfrozeontheremoteatfirst
glimpseofOpenForumwithHaroldCampingonacablechannelatthehigh
numberendofthedial.Histheme,inadecrepit,haltingmonotone,wasthe
TimeofGreatTribulation,whichbeganin1988andwillendwithafulldress
flamingArmageddonin2011.FromthebookofRevelation,naturally,but
onHaroldsownurgenttimetable.Ancient,stiff,roboticinadarkbluesuit
andabigyellowtie,possiblyfightinghiswaybackfromaseriesofischemic
events,Haroldconveyssuchacosmic,heartrendingstupiditythatwatching
himislikesufferingaviciousblowtotheforebrain.WasIhisonlyviewer?
No,no.Haroldsisacallinshow,andNewYorkisfullofsadistic
insomniacs.
Yes,Cheryl,whatisyourquestion?hecroaks.
Isitasintohaveoralsex?
Imsorry,Icantunderstandyou,repliesHarold,perhapsstonedeafor
honestlyuncomprehending,mostlikelystallingandprayingforguidance.
Sheasksagain,justasclearly,andHaroldpusheshissecretbuttonandsays,
Imsorry,letsmoveontothenextcaller.
HowdoesonegettobeHaroldblindtoreason,blindlycommittedtothe
luridandtheimpossible?ThebookofRevelationdominatesthe
imaginationofahugetribeofChristianwingnutslikeHaroldCamping.Its
anAmericanaberrationBritishwriterscolorfullydeplore.OneofIan
McEwanscharactersdescribesRevelationasaluridandabsurdfantasy
devisedbyapostIronAgemystic,andoneofZadieSmithscallsitthelast
stoponthenutsoexpress.Revelationchapter19,whereChriston
horsebackslaughtersmultitudeswithhisswordandleavestheircorpsesfor
thevultures,isChristianityatitsmostwarpedandrepellent.EvenMartin
Luther,thatgreatenemyofreasonandoftheJews,foundRevelationso
distastefulthatheexiledittotheappendixofhisGermantranslationofthe
Bible.Itoughttobesealedinavaultsomewhere,availableonlytosober
scholars,andstrictlyofflimitstoChristianswithhighbloodpressureand
elevatedgullibility.
Revelationistheurtextoftheaddled,andtheveinthatHarold
representsisunique,Ithink,toAmericanChristianity.Butmanya
restrained,bettereducatedChristianhasheardthecallofthewild.Manyof
ushavelostatleastonefriendtotheclosingdoormarkedBornAgain,a
formerfriendforeverafterglowing,boring,andutterlyinaccessible.Im
surethisneverhappensinBelgiumorNorway.

RichardDawkinsandChristopherHitchensarentactuallytryingtoreach
acrosstheGreatAmericanGodGulf,Idontthink,butinsteadarerailingat
itrailingatitsexistenceanditsexasperatingwidth.Theyrearguingwith
themselvesHowcanwebesoright,yetsofewandsodespised?not
withHaroldCamping.Frustrationaccountsforthebelligerenttoneoftheir
challenges,presentednotintheequablespiritofdebatebutlikeLuther
nailinghisninetyfivethesestothechurchdoorinWittenberg.
Hitchensssincerityhasbeenquestionedbecausehesanotorious
contrarian,amanwhosupportedthewarinIraq,chieflybecause,Isuspect,
hecalculatedthatitwouldscandalizeeveryoneheknew.Imwillingto
concedethathisatheismisheartfelt.Noonecanaccusehimofcommercial
expediency,peddlingatheismtoAmericans.Yetinspiteofhisexplicit
denialsIamnotoneofthosewhosechanceatawholesomebeliefwas
destroyedbychildabuseorbrutishindoctrinationHitchensisasurly
apostatewhomatchesthebarkandthebiteofformerChristianspersonally
injuredbyGodsselfappointedemissaries.Thoughnoneoftheprominent
atheistauthorsappearstobedescendedfromtheviolentbullwhipBaptists
immortalizedbypoetJamesDickeyinMayDaySermon,thoseofuswho
reveresweetReasonareunaccustomedtoseeingherdefendedwiththe
scorchedearthferocitytheybringtothisbattlefield.

T H E J O Y O F theologyisthatanyonecanplay.Theintellectualbarwasset
verylowbyearlyChristiantheologians.Necessarilylimitingtherangeof
theirinquiry,backwhenasteptoofarcouldgetascholarstonedorburned
alive,thebestmindsofthepreReformationchurchwroteamountain,nay,
acordillera,ofclevernonsense.Anywellinformedlaypersoncanmakea
bonfireofitwithoutapologizingforinadequatecredentials.Anerudite
atheistlikeHitchensorDawkinscansweepawaytheentireedificewithout
intellectualpresumption.I,inmyturn,withoutapologyandwithoutDD,can
digawayattheblindspotsandmisleadingassumptionsintheatheist
critique.Cutadriftfromempiricalevidence,religiousattitudesare
disconcertinglypersonal,ofteninseparablefromautobiography.
Personally,InevernursedsuchagrudgeagainstGod.WhenIreadHitchens,
Igranthispremisesandendorsehisreasoningandsharehisrepugnancefor
thestrangeYankeetheoculturewherewebsitescalledGodTube.comand
MyChurch.orglureonlinedriftersintotheevangelicalorbit.HitchensandI
resideonthesamesideoftheGreatGulf.Butaboylikeme,raisedbymild
UniversalistsandreservedEpiscopalians,wasunlikelytodevelopHitchenss
visceralcertaintythatreligionisunadulteratedsocialpoison,aviral
infectionthatleftuntreatedwilldestroyusall.
EvenmyencounterwithMethodistSundayschoolandtheprophet
Nahumfailedtoleavemewithaheavychiponmyshoulder.Thoughmy
doubtswereplantedearlyandgrewvigorously,Christiansnevertriedto
scareorcoerceme.IftheMethodistsinsultedmyintelligence,theydidit

gently.WhenItoldmyfathertheywerenotforme,hemerelynoddedand
wrotedownBiblepassagesIcouldreadonmyown.WhenIaskedmyfather,
amanwellreadandwelleducatedtowhatmanypeopleagreedwasafault,
DoyoubelieveinGod,sir?heassuredmethathedidbutinasly
UnitarianmannerthatmademefeelhedhavemoretosaywhenIwasolder.
Itneveroccurredtome,asaboyagnostic,thatanyadultworthquestioning
believedliterallyinthesupernatural,logicandsciencedefyingfeaturesof
Christiandoctrine.IassumedthattheywereagespecificmythslikeSanta
Claus,maintainedfortheedificationofchildren.Itwasjustamatteroftime
beforewediscoveredwhatadultsreallythought.AtacertainageIdbetold
thetruthandadmittedtotheirfraternityofreason.
Imstillwaitingfortheirsignal.Inevercalledmyselfanatheist.Ithought
itoverstatedtheevidenceandbetrayedanunscientificstreakofattitude,
antisocialandselfinflating.IknewIwasaChristianinthelimitedsensethat
mostofmyJewishfriendswereJewsculturally,inalooserwayethnically.
Nopointinpretendingotherwise,withChristmastreetinselandEasteregg
yolkstillstickingtomybootsoles.ModernJews,Inoticed,didntseemto
demandasmuchholygingerbreadandotherworldlysizzleastheChristians,
perhapsbecausehistoryhadtaughtthemthefutilityoffaithwithacapitalF
whenthebigbirdsofpreycometoroost.Intheircompany,ofcourse,
Christianityembarrassedme.Howdoyoudefendasectsobloodyminded
andobtusethatitcouldworshipaJewishgodandaJewishmessiah,based
ontheJewishholybookandtheJewishcreationmyth,andstillmanagetwo
thousandyearsofantiSemitism,culminatingintheHolocaust?Small
wonderJewsrolledtheireyesattheChristianspectacle.IsuspectedJewish
condescensionwhereIsupposenonewasintendedbecauseitseemedso
richlydeserved.WhenPhilipRothinPortnoysComplaintwrote,TheJews
arebadenough,butthesegoysbelievethingsthatwouldshameagorilla,
mycackleofapprovalmaskedashiverofguilt.

I T O O K A S T A B atbelief,butfaithwaswheretheyalwayslostme.Faith
inwhat,exactly?AjustGod?FromwhatIcouldsee,divineorpoeticjustice
isevenlessreliablethanthehumanvariety.ThatGodwatchesoverus?The
mostdreadfultragedies,injustices,andcalamitiesoccurrelentlesslyonhis
watch.Noeyeisonthesparrow,JoanDidionwrites,resignedly,inThe
YearofMagicalThinkingandsumsupthenonbelieversbriefagainst
SundayschoolChristianity.Theafterlife?Anattractivenotionofgreat
antiquitythatvanishesinapuffofsmokeifyouexamineittooclosely.Its
notthatIcouldntseewhypeoplewantedtobelievetheunbelievable.
Anyonecouldseewhy.Thequestionwas,how?Howdoyouclingsteadfastly
totheimpossiblewithoutsurgicallyrewiringyourprefrontallobe?Billy
GrahamsJustgiveyourselftoChristpresupposesthatwereallwiredlike
Billy,whichwearenot.
Ofcoursewedliketobelievethatallwillbewellandthatallofuswill

dwellintheHouseoftheLordforever,amen.Tobeatthedeathdread,what
bliss.Faithismentalhealthinsurance,andyoucantqualifywithouta
graduatedegreeindenial,acredentialmanyofuscanneveracquire.We
compensateourselves,inadequately,withintellectualpride.IfBertrand
Russellcametodinner,couldIcomeupwithapositiononreligionthat
wouldntembarrassme?Aphilosophical,ascientificcatechism:Iamaliving
creature,notatheoreticalonelivingcreaturesdie,theresplentyof
evidenceforthat.ThereforeIwilldieandberelievedoftheprivilege,the
pleasure,andtheagonyofconsciousness.Whyshouldanyoneexpectmore?
AcharacterinaPeterDeVriesnovel,someonescrustyoldfather,said
somethingIremember:Reasonisshoes,religionisslippers.Ineverasked
forslippers.
IfIfeltasyoudo,itwouldkillme,oneChristianconfidanttoldme.But
halfacenturylater,ithasntyetkilledmeordrivenmeinsane.Doctrinal
religionwaseithermetaphororwellseasonedhogwash,itseemedtome
thenandseemstomenow.Therewasnothird,elaboratelyrationalized
alternativedesignedforthereasonableandreflectiveadultIhopedto
become.Choosingmetaphor,IstillborenogrudgeagainstaGodwho
couldntconvinceme.HadIbelievedinahandson,allresponsibleGod,my
grudgeagainsthimmighthavebeenoverwhelming,worthyofmyvengeful
Highlanderforebears.TheChristiansIloathemostaretheoneswho
contendthatAuschwitz,Verdun,andHiroshimawereallpartofGods
inscrutableplan.

T H E F O R M S O F theoldfaithdontembarrassme.IfIvemutteredThank
you,Lordonrareoccasionswhenthingswentmyway,Ithoughtofitas
goodmannersandappropriatehumility,notobeisance.(IfIvegroanedLet
thiscuppassfrommewhenthingsdidntgowell,amInotingood
company?)Ivealwayslovedgospelmusic,preferablyAfricanAmericanI
regretthatIcantsingtheoldhymnsaswellasmyfather.Aprisonerofmy
theoculture,Iveevenbeenknown,inmomentsofdeepestanxiety,torecite
theLordsPrayer(FatherHitchens,forgiveme).Ineverisolatedmyself
fromthechurch.IwasmarriedtwiceinChristianchurches,oncebyan
Episcopalpriest.Thisnonbelieversconfessionmightdrawmorevitriol
fromHitchenshadnothehimselfoncejoinedtheGreekOrthodoxChurchto
pleasehiswifesfamily.IstillattendEpiscopalianservices,aboutasoftenas
IcaucuswiththeUnitarians.IliketheEpiscopaliansfortheirpoliticsand
aesthetics,andfortheirdignity.Therestis,well,metaphor.Imaintain
politedistancebydecliningtokneelortakecommunionGeorge
Washingtonwoulddoneither,Ivebeentoldandbyremainingsilent
duringtheApostlesCreed,ascrupleIlearnedfrommyfather.Trainedin
thelaw,hewouldnot,hesaid,perjurehimselfinaholyplace.
IdontdespisethecompromisesofmildliberalChristians.Religious
servicesencouragehumility,soberreflection,andmoralseriousness,allin

shortsupplyinmostareasofAmericanlife.Churchiswherepeoplegoto
pauseandpayattentiontosomethingmoreelevatedandnuancedthandaily
animalsurvival.Practicalreligion,theeverydaybusinessofthehonest
clergyperson,isthescienceofhopemanagementneveranunworthy
endeavor.Religionandlogicmaynotmix,buttheyrebotheffortstodo
somethingmeaningfulwiththatmicroscopic.006percentofourDNAthat
differsfromachimpanzees.
Ofcoursenoneofthisconsortingwithbelievers,andrespectingthem,
qualifiesmeasaChristian.IfthebottomlineisthedivinityofChrist,Im
permanentlyoutsidethecircle.TheJesusChristwhoimpressesmemost
washumanliketherestofus,notsomemysteriousspookfromtheskies.If
hewaswiseandcompassionate,withavisionaheadofhistimeandthe
physicalandmoralcouragetobemartyredforit,thenhewasamanof
genuineconsequence,agreatman.Imunmovedbymedievaltheological
ditherliketheTrinity.AlongwithRichardDawkins,Isaydiagramitonthe
blackboardsoascientistcanfollowit,orgoaway.ThomasAquinasandhis
inductivereasoningareburiedinaquietcornerofoneofEuropesempty
cathedrals.

B U T T H E I R C O N T E M P T forthelukewarm,culturalChristianityofsober
skepticsisnottheonlythingthatseparatesmefromaDawkins,Hitchens,or
Harris.Idetectarecurringdisingenuousnessinthesebooks,aslynarrowing
ofthesemanticplayingfieldthatmakestheatheistvictorymorecertainbut
lessconvincing.Thepertinentquestionforanintelligentreaderisnever
DoesGodexist?orDoyoubelieveinGod?Togettotheheartofit,we
havetoaskwhatanindividualmeanswhenhesaysGod,whathemeans
whenhesaysbelieve,howhearrivedathisdefinitions,whythereareso
manydifferentanswers.
WilliamJames,ascientistandpsychologist,neverclaimedthattherewere
literal,tangible,quantifiablecorrelativesfortheastonishingthings
Christianshavebelievedandperceived.Buthefoundtheirexperiences
fascinatingandcriticaltoacomprehensivestudyofhumanconsciousness.A
casefororagainstreligionrestsnotontrueoruntrue?butonthe
behaviorreligioninspiresintheoneswhobelieve.Imenthralledbythe
storiesandcasestudiesinVarietiesofReligiousExperience,butIsensethat
ouratheistauthorsfindthemnaive,archaic,andtendentious.James,tomy
surprise,cannotbefoundintheindexesofTheGodDelusionorGodIsNot
Great,eventhoughhespecificallyofferedhimself,inaletterwrittenin
1896,asamediatorbetweenscientificagnosticismandthereligiousviewof
theworld.
James,oneofthesanestAmericanvoicesofthenineteenthcentury,no
doubtinfuriatesthetwentyfirstcenturyatheistwiththefacilewayhelinks
religiousbelieftothephilosophicalsystemknownaspragmatism:This
feeling,forcedonusweknownotwhence,thatbyobstinatelybelievingthat

therearegods(thoughnottodosowouldbesoeasybothforourlogicand
ourlife)wearedoingtheuniversethedeepestservicewecan,seemspartof
thelivingessenceofthereligioushypothesis.
Ineverdoubtedthatreasonwasthemostimportantthing,theminers
headlamp,faintbutreliable,withoutwhichwereforeverlostinthedark,
bewilderinglabyrinthofourpeculiarexistence.ButIneverthoughtreason
wastheonlything,andthatswhereIsenseadistancefromRichardDawkins
easilythemostexpressiveandconvincingsingerintheatheistchoir.Does
hepretend,forthebenefitofhisarguments,nottounderstandwhatJames
meansbythisfeeling,forcedonusweknownotwhence?Oristhis
scientisthonestlyfreeofit,deafbynatureandtrainingtoitscall?Inpursuit
ofarhetoricalknockout,Dawkinsmaybealittleinsistent,evenhuffy,about
histerminology.Deismiswatereddowntheism,hewrites,tooglibly,and
Pantheismissexedupatheism.Yetthepantheismhetherebyendorses
anddiminishes,asifitweresomekindoftimiddodge,describesmuchofthe
creativereligiousthinkingofthepastfourcenturies.
Respectmustbepaidtoreligiouspathslesstakenbutwellmarkedbythe
footprintsofgiants.ThefirstprophetoftheEnlightenmentwastheJewish
philosopherBaruchSpinoza.TheGermanromanticNovalisdescribed
Spinozaasgodintoxicated,pronetooceanicfeelingsofonenesswithan
infinitenaturalworld,yetSpinozawroteintheseventeenthcenturythat
GodandNaturewereoneandthesameandthatknowledgeofGodwas
achievedbyreason,notrevelation.SpinozasGod,accordingtoIsraeli
scholarAvishaiMargalit,cannotexistwithouttheworldheisimmanentin
theworldor,ifyoulike,heistheworld.Sexedupatheismstrikesmeas
animpoverisheddescriptionofthepassionatepantheismSpinozameantto
express.RalphWaldoEmersonandthetranscendentalistswereSpinozas
spiritualdescendants,andsowasAlbertEinstein,whowrote,Tosensethat
behindanythingthatcanbeexperiencedthereissomethingthatourmind
cannotgraspandwhosebeautyandsublimityreachesusonlyindirectlyand
asafeeblereflection,thisisreligiousness.
AnothereloquentpantheististheKentuckypoetandessayistWendell
Berry:Icametoseemyselfasgrowingoutoftheearthliketheothernative
animalsandplants.Isawmybodyandmydailymotionsasbriefcoherences
andarticulationsoftheenergyoftheplace,whichwouldfallbackintoitlike
leavesintheautumn.ThereligiouspoetandessayistAnnieDillard
marriedtoEmersonsbiographerRobertRichardsondefinesthegodof
pantheistsinthesimplestlanguage:Godistheawarenessoftheinfinitein
eachofus.
IfthescientistDawkinsconcedespoeticpantheismsomewhatlessrespect
thanitdeserves,theremaybeanironyattached.Someofthestrongest
passagesinTheGodDelusionexaminereligionthroughthelensof
Darwinism,applyingevolutionarybiologytoexplainwhyhumanstendto
believeingodsandsupernaturalbeingsandhowitmightbeinterpretedas

successful,naturallyselectedadaptivebehavior.Butcouldthegreater
tolerancefortheunexplainedinthoseearlierscientists,JamesandEinstein,
pointtoevolutionarychangeinthemodernscientist?FollowingDarwin,isit
possiblethatthehabitsofthinkingnowusefultoapersonofsciencecreatea
narrowedfieldofperception?Challengedtofindalogical,mechanical,
reductiveexplanationforeverythingunderamillionsuns,doesDawkins
losehisearforfainter,subtlernotesthatsustaintheartistandthe
pantheist?Theresmoreinthelight,EinsteinmighttellDawkins,than
photons.

I M A S T R O N G partisanforscience,butnoinitiate.Haventmost
scientists,likeothersensitivenonbelievers,experiencedsomeversionof
oneofthosealteredstatesJamesstudied,thoseintimationsof
immortalitythatgeneratedreligioninthefirstplace?Asuddensensethat
somewhereinthisvast,violentuniversetheremaybeasmallcupof
benevolence,tranquillity,andsanityandthatevenyoumaybeallowedto
takeasip:isntthisthirst,andthispromise,familiartoeveryone?Imnot
talkingabouttheaweandreverencewithwhichDawkinsandHitchensclaim
tocontemplatethedoublehelixandtheMilkyWay.NoramItalkingabout
somethingplainlyirrational,likeangels,virginbirths,andresurrections,but
somethingextrarationalnotcurrentlytobeexplainedorcategorized.This
instinctorpredilection,thishungerforthesacredandeternalthatJames
evokes,isathingthatexists,athingtowhichmanyofuscantestifyand
therearealsothingsthatsatisfyit.
Inthecriticalmomentswhenthehungerissatisfiedandtheconnectionis
made,weneedtoremindourselvesnottomaketoomuchofthem.The
wordGod,evenasmetaphor,isaluxuryandaconcessiontocultural
conditioning.Evenasimpledeclarativesentenceaboutyourexperiencemay
beambitious,anddescriptionscouchedinNewAgejargonarenoxious.
(NewAgershavevandalizedthewordspiritual.)Theresnoneedto
interpretyourencounteror,worse,tosqueezeitintosomeshopworn
religiouscontext.Ifyouhearawomansvoicewherethereisnowomanor
thinkyouseeaspecterwearinganunsheadpieceliketheoneinashopping
mallmangerscene,dontwaitforamessagefromtheVirginMary.Forone
thing,sheneverexistedassuch,andifshehadshedspeaknolanguageyou
couldunderstand.Extrasensoryinsightdoesntmeananythingyouexpected
orwishedittomean,anditsnosignofspecialfavor.Thefirsttheological
crutchestheseriouspostbelieverthrowsawayarevanityandwishful
thinking.Wehumanbeingsarenotthechoseninheritorsandapotheosisof
themagnificentlifeforceofthisplanet,norarewethedarlingsofits
creator.Wearequitepossiblyitsaccidentalannihilation.
Modern,ordainedclergy,truescholarswhoreplacedthechurch
apologistsofyore,havemuchtosaythatsupportsthepantheistoverview
nonemoreeloquentlyorpersuasivelythantheScottishtheologianJohn

McQuarrie,whodiedlastMay.Dr.McQuarrie,whosePrinciplesofChristian
Theology(1966)washailedasamasterpiecebytheNewYorkTimes,
deniedthedivinityofChristand,likeSpinoza,believedinaGodinseparable
fromBeingitself.FaithsnameforrealityisGod,hewrote,andtaught
thatalltalkofGodismetaphorical,nevertobetakenliterally.Buthe
concurredwithWilliamJamesthattalkofGodshouldbetakenseriously.He
arguedforthetruthofnonChristianreligionsandsaidthisaboutheretics:
Theonlyeffectiveanswertoheresy...isforthechurchtoshowthatshe
hasabettertheologythanthepersonsuspectedoferror.
Dr.McQuarriewasanEpiscopalpriestwhohadoncebeenaPresbyterian
minister.HethoughtofhimselfasaChristianandwouldhavebeen
profoundlyoffendedtohearhisapproachtothedivinedescribedassexed
upatheism.Hewasproofinhisownpersonthatmainstreamchurchescan
produceintelligent,flexiblereligiousinsight.Iftheatheistmanifestosshare
oneintellectualshortfalloneAchillesheelitstheirinsistencethatthe
religiousimpulseispoisonedatitsrootsand,asHitchensasserts,poisons
everythingittouches.Thisisradicalandhereticalenoughbutoddlynot
deepordarkenough.Itimpliesthatbyconqueringsuperstitionandretiring
ourgods,wewillbreakthroughintoasafe,sunlightworldofreasonand
benevolentscience.Thisissciencefiction.Itsnothumanitysreligious
impulsebutitsauthoritarian,xenophobic,andhomicidalimpulsesburied,
unfortunately,intheverymarrowoftheOldTestamentthatpoison
everything,religionincluded.Thereligiousimpulseisabalancedmixof
darkandlight,withignoranceandfearononeside,humilityandthewish
fortranscendenceontheother.Thedreadfulthingsthataredoneinthe
nameofreligionwouldbedoneunderothernamesifthegodscreptaway.
Nationalism,honor,ethnicpride,economiccompetitiontheresno
shortageofvehicles,noendofplausibledisguisesforwhatsterrifyingand
incorrigibleaboutthehumanrace.

T H O M A S H A R D Y , T H E P O E T ofmyheart,deniedfrequentcharges
thathewasanatheistorapessimist.Anevolutionarymeliorist,hecalled
himself,whobelievedthatreligionandrationalitybothessentialcouldbe
reconciledthroughpoetry.Tokeepstepwiththerestofthecivilizedworld,
theUnitedStatesisinurgentneedofreconciliation,ifonlytostepback
towardtheenlightenedtolerationofitsfounders.Butthehistoryof
religiouschangeisnotahistoryofcivilizedindividualsarguingquietly.
Directlychallenged,establishedreligionhasbeenmorelikelytoresortto
suppression,persecution,war,andinquisitionthanSocraticdialogue.

A T H E I S T S M A Y B E tonedeaf,orwriteasiftheyretonedeaf,tocertain
flightsoftheimagination,attheedgeofconsciousnessorjustbeyondthe
limitsofreason,thathavemademylifeandthelivesofmanyothers
measurablymorelivable.Yettheyeasilywinthereligiousargumentasthey

choosetoframeit,andtheysticktheirnecksoutwithconvincingsincerity.
Politicallytheyreagodsend(excuseme)inAmerica.Tomymindtheir
religiousorientationisnotalwaysthemostappealingorcreative,inpart
becausemyapproachtothemysteriesofmindandmatterwouldseem,to
RichardDawkins,moreaestheticandliterarythanscientific.Butitsoneof
themostrationalandintellectuallyrespectableorientations,andacountry
whereitoffendsandthreatensthemajorityisnofreecountrybyany
stretch.

A S O U N D B I T E fromtheMormonpresidentialcandidate,MittRomney
Freedomrequiresreligionjustasreligionrequiresfreedomis,
respectfully,theworstsortofspeechwritersrubbish.Dawkinsandcompany
havemadeitslightlyharderforsuchrubbishtopassunexaminedasthe
wisdomoftheAmericanheartland.Theyvecalledthedemagoguesbluff
andlaidtheircards,astronghand,onthetable.Howwetreatthese
impertinenthereticswiththeirinfernal,irresistiblelogicisacritical
measureofourcollectivesanityasanitynowregularlyandpersuasively
calledintoquestion.

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