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I S S U E 26

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Sentence Delivered in CHS Murder Trial | Neice Bell Says "good by" to NB | Colby Vacations

P L U S : 7 D AY N E W B R A U N F E L S L I V E M U S I C G U I D E

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Starring Le Strange

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830.358.2493

table

of

contents

1st Word

Write your own

tax bill, kinda.

Due Process

All original content is copyright

TX Citizen. TX Citizen is published
every Thursday.

TX CITIZEN
1111 N. Walnut Avenue
New Braunfels, TX 78130
830.358.2493

One copy (per person) of TX

Citizen is available free of
charge, with the prior written
consent of TX Citizen required
to remove multiple copies from
distribution points. Multiple copies
and back issues are available at
TX Citizen offices for $2.50 each.

STAFF / CONTACT
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief Mike Reynolds
Director of Distribution Chase Cochran
Art Director Kayla Wallace
Editorial: news@txcitizen.com
Advertising: sales@txcitizen.com
Distribution: distribution@txcitizen.com

PHOTO CREDIT
Cover
Chase Cochran

CHS murder case goes into

the histor y books, as
sentencing is complete.

Fake News

Not even a little bit true.

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Teenagers stalk local ghosts.

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WITH

Choose Your Own

Taxation

Example 1:

1 - Increased every
MIKE Property
year since 2011
REYNOLDS Property 2 - Flat for three

Last week, a local homeowner

contacted us regarding his

years

property taxes. Specifically,

Property 3 - Increased every

he wondered why his taxable

year since 2011

property value had been on the

a highly-placed Comal County elected

Example 2 (Commercial
Property):

official, had remained flat for the last three.

Property 1 Increase every year since 2012

We thought this was coincidence, and to

Property 2 - Flat for two years, flat for

prove it, we looked up the property values

previous five, preceded by decrease

of the neighbors to the immediate left and

Property 3 - Increase every year since 2011

rise for years while that of his neighbor,

right of said officials home. Turns out their

property assessments had been going up for
a good long while as well.
Hmm. That seemed weird. Still, a good
chance that it was just a throw of the dice. So
we made up a list of the high-powered and
influential around town, and checked out their

2011

2011
Property 2 - Flat for four years, preceded by
decreases in 2011 & 2012
Property 3 - Annual increases since 2010
And heres what we found out:

official, a commercial real estate broker with

Example 1:

a political history, a proverbial hammer-

Property 1 No Protest Filed

wielding real estate guy with a super-hot

Property 2 Account Protested Every Year

daughter, and somebody whose identity

Since 2008

would be completely disclosed if we even

Property 3 - No Protest Filed

hinted at their profession. So we wont.

Example 2 (Commercial
Property):

Heres what that list looked like, mostly,

as some data had to be trimmed for space.
Property

addresses

were

provided

to

Koehler, but have been replaced here for

privacy purposes. It should be noted that
there was a County-wide adjustment made

Property 1 No Protest Filed

Property 2 - Valued on Income, protested
2008, 2006
Property 3 - Protested 2006 No Reduction

TXCITIZEN.COM

SUMMER
HOURS:
Mon, Thur, Fri, Sat
11:30-7
Sunday 11:30-4
Closed Tues & Weds

Continued on page 5.

Duckys

Union St
Union St
Station

283 South Un ion St

979.450.6473
babycaketruf fles.com

The people have spoken. And what the people have

told us is that they don't want to be limited.
Mimosa lovers everywhere cried out for a botTomlesS
option, and we delivered. Come enjoy botTomlesS
mimosas to your heart's content on Sundays with
us. We aren't, however, going to stop there. We
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a few friends and fourteEn bucks, and come
enjoy live music and botTomlesS sangrias
from 7-10 on Friday evening. That's threE
hours of entertainment, sangria, and
botTomlesS fun for $14. The peEps love
botTomlesS, and Longshot Wine Bar has the
botTomlesS that brings the peEps to the yard.
- Josh McFarling

133 Landa StreEt

(Across the street from the Landmark)

Granted

in 2011, which resulted in decreases pretty

much across the board:

283 S Union St
512.757.7846
foreverdancenb.com

Property 3 - Increased every year back to

In every case, we found the exact same

of the aforementioned highly placed County

Union St
Station

Property 2 - Flat for three years

Property 1 - Increased every year back to

examples we sent him included the property

Duckys

Union St

2011

neighbors, and things got downright weird.

sent him an excerpt from our data set. The

Freder
is from

Store Hours

Property 1 - Increased every year back to

Example 4:

Curtis Koehler, the Countys tax assessor, and

am
ce Cre rg!
I
r
u
O
cksbu

Tues - Fri: 11 to 6
Sat: 10 to 3
Sun & Mon: Closed

Example 3:

tax assessments vs those of their immediate

scenario as the first. So we got in touch with

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3

Due Process
Sentence Delivered in
CHS Murder Case

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A Comal County teenager who was convicted

of assault in the death of Logan Davidson was
sentenced to pay restitution to the Davidson
family and seek counseling.
Judge Charles A. Stephens ordered the
defendant to pay Davidsons family $20,000.
He also ordered that the teen seek counseling,
be put on probation until he turns 18 and
perform several hours of community service.
Also as part of his ruling, Stephens
ordered the teen to stay off of social media
sites for his own protection, ostensibly to avoid
negative comments while he is in counseling.
Initially set for July 2, Stephens moved
the sentencing hearing up to June 21.
The accused was tried for murder and
manslaughter in the November 12, 2013
punching death of classmate Logan Davidson,
15. The teen, also 15 at the time, gave
Logan two brutal blows to the face as Logan
exited the classroom. On the second punch,
Logans head hit the wall and he collapsed,
unresponsive. He died the following day from
a resulting brain injury.
During the trial, the defendant and other
classmates testified that Logan was physically
harassing the accused, including punching him
in the crotch and hitting him in the face with an
eraser. The accused demanded several times
that Logan stop, orders which Davidson ignored.
During the trial, before Stephens gave the
jury sentencing instructions, defense attorney
Joseph Garcia III made a request that the
judge also add the charge of misdemeanor
assault, to which Stephens agreed. Prosecutor
Tiffany Leal objected and appealed the
judges decision to the Third Court of Appeals,
who ruled in favor of Stephens.
The jury eventually convicted the teen
of misdemeanor assault after a day of
deliberations. After the verdict, Garcia said
jurors had told him that had the State charged
his client with aggravated assault, a felony,
they likely would convicted him of that charge.
Garcia said that, for the most part, he
agrees with Stephens ruling.
Im sure the judge put some thought
into why he did what he did, and his plans
4

The Texas National

for my client, he said. I think my client can

complete this without any problem because
hes never been a problem before.
However, the attorney said that he
didnt think that probation was necessary
because his client is neither a threat to the
community nor himself. As well, the teen has
had no prior problems with law enforcement.
I have some disagreement with the
whole probation plan, but it sure beats the
alternative Garcia said. Aside from what
happened, my client is not the kind of person
who is in need of rehabilitation.
As ordered, the teen will have to pay
the restitution and meet with a probation
officer weekly.
The most important facet of the sentencing,
the attorney said, was the order that his client
receive psychological counseling.
I think, absolutely, the one thing that the
family, my client and I think will be good is to
have my client see a counselor to talk about
what happened, and get a lot of this out and
deal with it, the attorney said. Hell never
forget what happened and it will never not be
a part of his life. I think this is the most critical
part of this probation plan.
Stephens also ordered that the accused
stay off of social media sites. This, the
judge noted, is for the teens own protection
so that he doesnt see some of the more
negative comments about him.
How do you stop people from making
comments about you? You dont, Garcia said.
I understand why the judge doesnt
want him to have access to social media,
he added. Its because of all the cheap shots
by anonymous people who could care less
about him. But, at some point, we have to
understand that in this society and as many
forms of social media there are out there, its
almost impossible to avoid such comments.
During the sentencing hearing, the teen had
to face Davidsons family, who told him that they
dont hate the accused, but they do hate what he
had done. They pointed out to the teen what they
had taken away from them when Logan died.
A call to prosecuting attorney Leal seeking
comment was not returned by press time.

Nick Rogers covers courts & crime for the TX Citizen.

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Canyon High Murder Case

Example 3:

Continued from page 3.

Property 1 - No Protest Filed

Property 2 - Protested 2006-2012
Property 3 - No Protest Filed

Example 4:

\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Chase Cochran contributed to this column, and should

be named as a co-defendant in any litigation filed as a
result of its publication.

Howa

All-Natural Shaved Ice!

rd St

Landa

St

Neice Bell, who took over the HZ after

Doug Toney and Jim Rainey, had this to say
as she left New Braunfels to head to her new
job newspapering the bustling metropolis of
Lufkin, TX (emphasis ours):
The movers left yesterday with all our
belongings. We stayed the night in a hotel.
Today is my last day at the Herald-Zeitung. Im
going to miss New Braunfels so much. Off to a
new adventure in Lufkin. Good by my friends!
Heh.

50% Off!
t Av

TXCITIZEN.COM

Third HZ Publisher/Editor-inChief in as Many Years Says

good by to NB

Buy 1, Get 1

alnu

So heres the deal. These people with the

flat values are the ones who showed up to
argue that the County ###### up, and the
County agreed. Can everyone get that kind
of service? Impossible to tell from this data,
since the vast majority of the people who
suffered the increase never bothered to protest
their assessments. However, the County did
tell us that (very) roughly 10 to 14 percent of
values are challenged every year, and since
2011, 37 to 47 percent of those challenges
are approved, which overall aint many I tell
you what. Something like four or five or six
percent of the raw number of properties.
In cases where a reduction was not
granted, the County says this: The properties
that did not see a change in value were a result
of a taxpayer not appearing at their scheduled
hearing, withdrawing their protest or agreeing
with the Districts value after their meeting.
According to that statement, as long as
you show up and stand your ground, you get
your way. So do that. And let us know how
that turns out for you. While its nice that the
value can be challenged, it would be better
if the County got the numbers closer to right
to begin with. An arbitrary system like this
exploits public passivity, and makes up the
tax reductions to Party A by increasing the
burden on Party B. If you dont complain, they
will nail you for more nearly every year, in
part to make up for the people who do. Like
forest fires, only you can put a stop to this.
We give a hearty Thumbs-Up to both
the Countys Appraisal District and Assessors
Office for getting us the info we asked for in a
matter of minutes. It would have taken City Hall
10 business days just to tell us it was going to
be another 30 before we got anything.

BRING IN THIS COUPON!

NW

Property 1 - No Protest Filed

Property 2 - Protested 2012, 2010, 2009,
2007, 2006
Property 3 - No Protest Filed

Salvador Meza got sentenced this week,

and Nick Rogers has the details in his Due
Process column on page 4. The Houstonowned Herald-Zeitung had this inaccurate
statement for the credulous consumption:
Because of juvenile confidentiality rules, the
Herald-Zeitung is not publishing the juvenile
suspects name.
First of all, there are no juvenile
confidentiality rules that apply to the media
those rules apply only to the government.
This confusion is most likely a result of the HZ
seeing itself as an arm of said government.
And second, Meza is not a suspect.
Hes a convict. Which, as you may know, is
substantially different.

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5

FAKE NEWS
With Tony Rainey-Bell

Hammer Mishap Leads

to Charges

A New Braunfels Man who hit himself in the

hand with a hammer while building a fence
was charged by Comal County prosecutors
with attempted murder of himself.
Frank Gonzales was building a fence in
his backyard when, momentarily distracted,
he missed the nail he was hammering and
instead hit his hand.
Yeah, it hurt, he said. I went to the
emergency room, but they said nothing
was broken.
A few hours later, Gonzales was
surprised when several police cars pulled up
outside his house. The police said an assault
was reported. Gonzales told officers there
was not an assault, but he did hit himself in
the hand with a hammer.
They just apologized and left,
Gonzales said.
Two weeks later, Gonzales was surprised
again to find that he had been charged with
attempted murder of himself by the Comal
County District Attorneys Office.
We have people being attacked with
hammers, State Prosecutor Steve Morsette
said. Someone needs to pay.
A cantankerous district judge ordered
Gonzales to be held on $1 million bail.
I cant believe this, the suspect said.
I just accidentally hit myself with a hammer.
Thank God they didnt know about the time I
banged my head on the car door.
Gonzales has since been levied with
a second charge of attempted murder for
hitting his head on his car door.
The defendants attorney, Susan Slipstream,
audibly sighed when asked about the case.
I really dont know what to say, she
said. This is the kind of thing that just makes
you want to scream and break something.
After her comment, Slipstream was
charged with making a terroristic threat.

Weather Terror
ISIL has claimed responsibility for the recent
heavy rains in Comal and neighboring
6

counties. The terror group has said it will

continue to create bad weather until someone
gives them girlfriends.
The group has also said that the weather
attack was in response to what they claim was
the image of Prophet Muhammad found on a
tortilla, which was discovered at a local taqueria.
We declare a jihad on heretical Devil
tortillas, a representative for ISIL said. You
people just get ready for a lot of rain.
Tortilla image experts say the spot looks
nothing like the Muhammad, but it does
look like Jesus.
Its always Jesus, said renowned
tortilla-ologist Simon Proudhome. Tortillas
are inherently, by there very nature, Christian.
If an image on a tortilla isnt Jesus, its usually
a pope or Elvis. To claim that its an image of
Muhammad is ridiculous.
Not-crazy people say it looks like a spot
on a tortilla.
Whatever, an ISIL representative
responded. Give us girlfriends.

City Prepares Appeal

Irritated by the loss of revenue caused by
recent heavy rains, the New Braunfels City
Council brought a lawsuit against The Sky.
New Braunfels is a home-ruled city,
the lawsuit motion said. Therefore, we
cant be rained upon. The weather has to
do what we tell it.
However, the District Court threw out the
lawsuit due to its absurdity. In its ruling, the
Court simply wrote ?.
The City has appealed the ruling, arguing
that the District Court showed an unfavorable
and overwhelming bias for The Sky.
In a related matter, City officials have
refused to comment on the dam made of cans
that was used to save New Braunfels from
potentially devastating floodwaters. Some
local residents and tourists came together
recently to build the dam as waters began to
rise far above the rivers banks.
Shut up, one City official said when
asked about the can dam.

Tony Rainey-Bell makes things up for the TX Citizen.

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Concerts in the Park

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@ 6 JAM NIGHT
TXCITIZEN.COM

SOUND TOWN
OUT
OF

Fri 6.26
Cheatham Street Warehouse
BIGfest 2015
6:30pm

The Continental Club

The Blues Specialists

Sat 6.27
Cheatham Street Warehouse
BIGfest 2015
1pm

The Continental Club

6:30pm

Red Volkaert, 3:30pm

Liv Mueller, Ian Moore

Patricia Vonne, Rosie Flores

20pm, $10

10pm, $10

Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm

Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5

Floores Country Store

Band of Heathens

Hillary York, 8:30pm

Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5

Floores Country Store

w/ Jonny Burke

Mario Flores & the Soda Creek Band

7pm, 18+, $12-$15

7pm, 18+ $8

Luckenbach Dance Hall

Hayden Whittington
1pm
Jimmy Lee Jones
4pm
Almost Patsy Cline Band
8pm

Sams Burger Joint

Mingo Fishtrap
8pm, $13-$60

Stubbs BBQ

Luckenbach Dance Hall

Rosie Flores
1pm
Brennen Leigh & Noel McKay
8pm

Sams Burger Joint

Alejandro Escovedo
8pm, $20-$70

Stubbs BBQ

World Party

Shapescenes

w/ Gabriel Kelly

w/ The Boxing Lesson, Kazi

9pm, Inside, $22

9pm, Inside, $8

Triple Crown
Peppers Blues
6pm
Chasca, Ghosts of Dixie, Kazi
10pm

10

Triple Crown
Jeffers, Typical Girls, Taiga,

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MOS T WAN T ED Freeman

COMAL COUNTYS
CRAWFORD,
JOHN DAVID

GUGGENMOS,
RICHARD ALAN

Male 511 140 lbs

DOB: 09/12/1995
CHARGE: Burglary
of building

Male 509 170 lbs

DOB: 01/20/1981
CHARGE: Failing to
appear for theft
property over $1500
under $20k

DAVIS,JOHN
MEDELLIN, JESSE
RODRIGUEZ
KIESEY,
JR
Male 508
507 190
200 lbs
lbs
Male
DOB: 01/01/1976
DOB:
04/23/1962
CHARGE:
Possession
CHARGE:
Driving
of a controlled
while
intoxicated
3rd
substance
pg 1 under
1 gram and theft of
property under $1500
with 2 or more
previous convictions

FLORES,
MARK ANTHONY

HALL,
MICHELLE

Female 508 130 lbs

DOB: 11/23/1983
CHARGE: Failure to
appear for aggravated
assault w/ deadly
weapon CT I and failure
to appear for intoxicated
assault w/ vehicle CT II

HUTCHINGS,
CARLA JANE

Female 508 195 lbs

Male 508 160 lbs
DOB: 08/10/1969
DOB: 11/25/1988
CHARGE: Burglary of CHARGE: Possession
of a controlled
habitation CT I and
substance
pg1 over 4g
unauthorized use of
under 200g
vehicle CT II

GANN,
AMBER P

SCHEFFLER,
GLYNN GARY

Male 600 180 lbs

Female 506 185 lbs
DOB: 08/27/1957
DOB: 04/16/1985
CHARGE:
Violation of
CHARGE: Motion to
conditions
of bondrevoke probation for
driving
while
intoxicated
bail jumping and failure
3rd or more
to appear

ED
T
S
E
R
R

GARCIA,
TASHA LEA

Female 505 140 lbs

DOB: 11/15/1980
CHARGE: Failure to
appear for theft
property under $1500
2/more previous
convictions

$300
REWARD

WILKINSON,
ZACHARY
MICHAEL

Male 506 150 lbs

DOB: 12/28/1983
CHARGE: Count I
possession w/ intent
to deliver and count II
unlawfully possess
firearm

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL

COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.

830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true
and accurate account as of Monday, June 22, 2015 at 9:21 a.m. and may not be current by the time it is
read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County
Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant
prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

TXCITIZEN.COM

on Sports WITH BRANT FREEMAN

Off-Season Sports Article

Like a big game in sports, these one-hour

We are experiencing one of the great eras dramas have become appointment television.
of television, an era dominated by one-hour Youre away from home and DVRing a game
dramas featuring compelling stories and
riveting characters portrayed by stellar actors.
With each episode theres instant reaction
on social media and Monday Morning
Quarterbacking the moment the credits
roll. Type the words Game of Thrones into
Google at 9:00 on a Sunday night and youll
find a stream of postgame analysis as large as
an army of White Walkers. As an avid watcher
and follower of Thrones, The Walking Dead,
Breaking Bad (SPOILER ALERT: RIP Walter),
True Detective and Better Call Saul just to name
a few, I find myself and others consuming
television in the same manner we do sports.
Instead of coaches and front offices, we
second guess the writers, directors, producers
and show runners. In sports, players and
traded and cut all the time. In television,
those same personnel moves are made in
the form of killing off characters and in the
case of Thrones, these front office moves
are made CONSTANTLY. There are teams. In
sports, obviously, and in television as well.
Who were you pulling for in Season One of
True Detective? #TeamCohle or #TeamHart?
Are you a Lannister or a Targaryen?
You know that feeling you have after the
football season has ended and you cant wait
until the draft, fall camp and then the start of the
following season? Its the same feeling we get
when Rick Grimes and his fellow survivors brush
off another season of zombies in The Walking
Dead: When does the next season start?
Both can be great escapes from one
another. Another Stark died tonight? WELP,
lets see what the Astros are doing so I can
get my mind off of this. After the Spurs lost
the 2013 Finals in heartbreaking fashion,
I got over it by binge-watching Breaking
Bad. Yeah, Ray Allen hit that shot but OMG
did you see how Walter took care of Gus
Fring?! Nothing like watching a fried chicken
magnate get blown up to get your mind off of
losing a championship.

or your favorite show so you make it a goal

to stay off of Facebook or Twitter in order

to enjoy watching everything unfold in the

comfort of your living room (imagine reading

that sentence in 1995). We treat playoff

games the same way we do season finales.
The quality has improved drastically for
both sports and television. Go back in time
and pit some of todays NFL or NBA teams
against those from 20-30 years ago and do

the same with television. Sure those eras had

their greats: Magics Lakers, Birds Celtics,

Michaels Bulls, the 49ers in the 80s, the

Cowboys in the 90s in sports, while in TV
there was Cheers, Seinfeld, The Simpsons (it
seems that comedies made for better TV back
then, but that could be just me). Well today,
the list of championship caliber teams and
must-watch television is deeper than ever
before: theres just so much to choose from.
One aspect where the comparisons stop
is while I can play a game of pickup basketball
anytime I want, I cant exactly play Game of
Thrones at the nearest park (unless youre
up for it, in that case Ill be team Lannister,
YOU can be the Starks). Theres Little League
Baseball, youth soccer and Pop Warner

football but no Little League Zombie Killers or

Pop Warner Criminal Lawyer. I guess well
just have to draw the line there. I guess.

This is all to say its a great age for

entertainment, both in reality and fantasy.
Enjoy the games and The Games, the
athletes and the acting, the coaching and

the producing and stay tuned for more. The

bars have been set and I, for one, cant wait
to see whats next.

Brant Freeman is a seasoned local sportscaster,

serving as the radio voice of Texas State University,
hosting television coverage of Texas State Athletics and
delivering the goods as a reporter for major pro and
collegiate sporting events in the greater San Antonio
area for over a decade.
11

By Gustavo Arellano

$10 Off
your swimsuit purchase!

GO AHEAD...

STALK us
/TXCitizen

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12

Dear Gabacho: I was mostly with you

in your letteryes, American worker rights

Dust off your dancing shoes and

head over to NB's Largest
Air-Conditioned Dance Floor!

173 S. Seguin St 830.214.0728

ASK A MEXICAN!

Dear Mexican: Where is my

America? Im half-Hispanic and halfItalian. I was born in Coney Island
to a drug-addicted father and was
raised by my mom, who had to work.
We were very poor. Ive always had
to struggle for basic possessions.
Spanish was not spoken in my house.
So my Spanish is muy malo.
Ive worked since I was 15 barking
on the games in Coney Island. I went
to culinary school and became a
chef. Ive worked in the industry for
10 years. It is inundated with illegal
Mexican workers. Most of these guys
are OK. However, they are willing to
work longer hours and for less pay.
Gone is the eight-hour work day.
Nobody gets health coverage. Its
rare to get a paid vacation. Its rare
not to work six days a week. I feel the
influx of illegal workers has lowered
labor standards for all workers in
the industry. I believe it also creates
a population of second-class people
ripe for abuses. Plus, these guys got
skill. They are fast and focused. Also,
they never complain and I think
that is a problem in itself. I feel like
my job can be easily replace with an
illegal worker that I cant compete
with. Is this what is meant by We
shall overwhelm?
I dont mind helping out people
who need work. But where can I go?
Most restaurants are small businesses
where hiring illegal workers is part of
the business plan. Where can I go to
have my American Dream? Ive also
been called gringo, Whitey, and Peln
by illegals who it seems have never
heard of civil rights.
Coney Island Angry

have suffered during the Great Recession;

no, it aint the fault of Mexicans. Robber
barons are the culprit choking labor now,
just like when the Molly Maguires were
raising hell in Pennsylvania coal mines
until you started whining that the Mexican
cocineros you worked alongside with in
kitchens called you names.
So youre upset that they called you
two types of gabacho and a baldy, to boot?
That just means they thought you were
enough of a friend that they felt they could
bust your balls. But obviously, they didnt
trust you too muchotherwise, theyd give
you worse names. And Im not talking about
the parade of pendejo, puto, and gey that
any male in an all-Mexican environment
must endure. You havent earned a Mexican
squads trust until you have an insulting
nickname, the more inappropriate, the
better. In my time, Ive known of Mexicans
in workplaces whose nicknames were El
Taliban (for the mans beard), El Perico (The
Parrot, for the guys taste in cocaine), El
Maricn (The Faggot, because the hombre
was gayhe laughed it off, especially
when learning more than a few of his
macho coworkers were on the down-low),
El Panzn (The Fatass), andmy all-time
favoriteLa Panocha (The Pussy), because
homeboy was a player. But Im a nice guy,
so Ill give you a new nickname: El Chavala.
You can look it up!

Ask the Mexican at

themexican@askamexican.net,
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on
Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
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TXCITIZEN.COM

13

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14

TX CITIZEN
AD SALES 830.358.2493

Last Word
With Kelly Colby

Escape to New York: Part II

Glimmerglass State Park was a welcome
respite from the road; friendly people, clean,
close bathrooms; and no internet or cell
reception. Theres something to be said for
unplugging completely. In this case, I just
mean from the communication overload; we
did have electricity (though we needed to
carry water). Soon enough, though, we had
to be on our way again and Glimmerglass
was left behind. Next stop, Niagara Falls.
The road to Niagara is an interesting
one. I had said before that much of the small
town decay that I have seen in VT is equally
prominent in upstate NY, and that continues
to be the case. Buildings that once housed
businesses lay vacant and have for so long
that the original good or service offered is no
longer evident. Most of these are whole, the
damage not overwhelming. Windows arent
broken, and structural integrity isnt lost, but
peeling paint is common, and the dirt and
dust is so thick that a hose would be more
appropriate than a soap bucket for cleanup.
The same cannot be said for residences
in many of these towns. On the outskirts
of nearly every town are farms going
to seed. Every homeowner knows that
homes decompose just like people do. An
abandoned year or two, and you can expect
a few holes and a blotchy exterior, perhaps
a little rot and animal damage. A few years
later, the area will look like a botanical
experiment gone horribly wrong. Creepers
climb in and out of the previously mentioned
holes, and their tendrils slowly but surely pull
apart clapboards which fall haphazardly,
leaving odd diagonal striations. In many
cases, I passed simple skeletal hulks lying in
the middle of unkempt fields, rooves in tatters
and beams broken and sticking out like a
gaping chest wound left by some unknown
monster. Siloes seem to last the longest, but
even they are generally leaning visibly and
peppered with softball sized holes.
Inside the towns, beautiful, wellmaintained homes stand side by side with
TXCITIZEN.COM

others that have been vacant for some time. from the Canadians by America as reparations example of this is the claim by the people that run
Rarely do these homes fall into dust like their

for the War of 1812 in a deal that kept us

the Maid of the Mist tour that they have never

farm-house brethren, but the paint still peels, from burning their capital to the ground. An lost a passenger. I seriously doubt that. The tour
the lawn gets long, and clapboard siding gets agreement reached by President Clinton in

hands out slickers made of cheap, transparent

1992 allows the Canadians to perform limited

blue plastic to keep you dry, and people are

force their way into the damage created by tourism functions as long as any boat in the

herded like cattle through the line. More than a

holey. Walkways buckle as roots and grass

frost heaves over the winter, and low spots

waters of Niagara Falls is open to conscription few manage to get the slickers on backwards,

in the lawn get marshy. The whole area is

by American armed forces in time of a war.

becoming a fixer-uppers paradise.

Most of the occasionally blighted, but

We first went to the Cave of the Winds

the hoods covering their faces, they occasionally

succumb to asphyxiation and fall, where they

which isnt actually a cave anymore. Its just are trampled by other passengers trying to get

otherwise idyllic landscape was gone by an elevator that takes you to the bottom of the on the boat and then unceremoniously kicked

the time we hit Buffalo. Im not sure theres American Falls. Apparently there are three over the side and into the water by attendants
a way into Niagara Falls without going

different falls in Niagara Falls. The American keeping the line moving.

through Buffalo, but there should be. Even Falls is the one where people are allowed

Likewise, the deck of the boat was packed

the short trek through Buffalo reminds me of

to get to the bottom and climb up a series with throngs of tourists, and memories of third

why I left the city in the first place. The drivers

of increasingly unstable looking platforms world ferry accidents loomed large in my mind.

are rude, bordering on stupid when they are

paralleling the side of the falls. None of this

For the river itself, though, one gets a perspective

dealing with a vehicle three times their size,

seems even remotely safe, but it is spectacular

that is otherwise impossible, and it was

and highway signage is incomprehensible.

in an anxiety inducing sort of way.

amazing. The American Falls can be seen as

That said, even though Buffalo is nearly as

There is another walkway that leads to the the boat moves toward the Horseshoe Falls, the

economically dysfunctional as Detroit, they do

top of the falls where tourists are encouraged people climbing up and down the waterlogged

have a lot of shopping, oh look, a Michaels!

to peer over and speculate on what their ramps and stairs, giddy with excitement.
loved ones lives would be like without them,

Most of the passengers storm for the front

easy enough, but it was expensive, and it but it is very steep My guide pointed out that

of the boat as the main falls are approached,

Finding the park in Niagara Falls was

appeared to be an old disused parking lot under normal circumstances I would be able and the boat rocks perceptibly with the
they had shoveled a few yards of dirt onto to hire a group of middleschoolers that are

redistributed weight. With the noise and the

and let the grass grow wild. It had all the

bussed in daily from failed schools in Buffalo

commotion, it would be impossible to tell if

amenities and none of the nature one expects

to carry overweight tourists up the steep

anyone went overboard, and their bodies

from camping. Nickel the Dog was confused

terrain on palanquin for 15 bucks or so, but would likely never be found. Im told sharks

too, wandering about, desperately sniffing

they are currently forming a union or some

do well in the churning waters, and this time of

each patch of green, looking for someplace to

such and are unavailable. I decided to have

year American crocodiles will have migrated

do his business. Nickel finally cocked his leg

a six-dollar ice cream.

from the south to snack on a daredevil or two.

up on the power pole. I suppose he figured it

was an acceptable stand in for a tree.

The actual Niagara Falls is Horseshoe

As the Captain of the boat turns at the

Falls. There are several ways to see this set of

base of the falls, the roar of the water is

The next morning, bright and early, the falls, and each one has its own advantages.

deafening and the mist thickens to opacity. It

touristing began. We took a tour of Niagara

Above the falls is much more picturesque.

becomes hard to breathe through your nose,

Falls with a small new company that was far

Mist is visible, and makes the occasional and breathing through your mouth as if fills

cheaper than other options, and our tour guide

rainbow across the water, but its not so

with water requires some getting used to.

explained the history of the falls as we drove thick that it makes it difficult to see, and if Strangely, its this part of the tour that you cant
there: Niagara Falls is the largest manmade you can muscle past the honeymooners (or

really see thats the most impressive. Little more

waterfall in the world, falling some 167 ft. and photobomb them until they leave) you can get could be done to illustrate the immense power
moving 85,000 cu.ft./s of water. It is assumed

some impressive pics. Nothing quite beats of nature and our own extreme insignificance.

that local pre-Columbian Indians hewed the

the Maid of the Mist boat tour for the sheer

Next stop, Ohio.

falls with stone tools, but no one knows for majesty of Niagara Falls, though.
sure, and the purpose of the falls is still in

First, dont be taken in by all of the

question. In any case, Niagara Falls was taken commercialism at Niagara Falls. A good

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.

blogspot.com.
15

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