COSTAMBAR Yenny’s Market Catamaran Beach Bar El Carey Costambar Library Pedro's Bar & Restaurant La Otra Las Rocas Vik’s Place UERTO PLATA Big Lee’s Beach Bar Tropical Bar Yogurt Land - La Sirena Meeting Place LAS ROCAS Page 4 - Do you qualify? Page 7 - How not to win a costume contest! Definitely Not The News Page 1!- Want electricity in your sex life! Los Tres Cocos What To Do This Month COFRESI The Rainy Day Page Page 13 - You're doing ‘fore’ play wrong! Ocean World Marina Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads And Lots More Fun Stuff! Pate Cote) ote ayCostambar Monthly page 2 da Wee om le) a Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Call 809-993-4503 for details. Fine dining at it’s best! Closed for holidays from June 17 to July 14. Open again July 15. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you'll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Enjoy a relaxing breakfast on the beach. Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Their food never disappoints! WIFI ZONE!!! Ask Paul about their summer specials! Big Lee’s Beach Bar on the Malecon has fantastic food at affordable prices! Amazing Fish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy sandwiches. Karaoke with DJ Marilyne & Karaoke Tropical is on June 13th & June 27th - starts 8pm. Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant - where you can enjoy the beach your way!! Every day 2 cuba/santo libres for RD$100 from 5-7pm. And Happy Hour just got happier with RD$100 Rose Spritzers! The best burger in town, Kevin’s homemade Mamajuana and fresh made Pina Coladas! On Saturdays & Sundays they are serving Rice & Beans. Yummy ground beef empanadas! WiFi! Pedro’s Bar & Restaurant has a full menu including Pedro’s Famous Cordon Bleu. Fridays 4-6pm they have cocktail specials. Watch all your favourite sports events here! WIFI Zone! Tropical Bar on the Malecon has over 20 types of Belgian beer and 8 sports channels! They serve a variety of food and tapas and every Friday have karaoke - including Dutch songs! Wednesdays get 3 crepes for RD$100 with real Belgian sugar & syrup. Daiquiris on special every Thursday - buy 2 get the 3rd one free! Fresh new meal specials all the time - pass by and check them out! And relax in comfy new lounge furniture! Over 30 different types of beer for you to try! Nobby’s Gyros & Deli Delivery Service is suspending the Gyros until November. The deli is still available with all kinds of delicious meats to tempt your taste buds! La Otra has Karaoke every Saturday night. Open for breakfast at 8am. Try their famous Chivo Picante (spicy goat) or other menu items. Air- conditioned bar & lounge for your comfort. They now have new massage rooms and also do manicures. Enjoy Happy Hour from 9am to Spm ‘on Monday to Friday. And they have a new beer from Cuba at a special price - try Bucanero for only RD$100 a bottle! Karaoke every day! They would love to host your next event - from baptism to bachelor parties to weddings. Las Rocas is having a two food specials for July - Linguine with meatballs & tomato sauce and Mero filet with crabmeat sauce - both only RD$299! Every Saturday Karaoke with DJ Jean Pierre at 7pm! Vik’s Place has cold drinks, hot music and yummy burgers! Closed weekends until October. The Playa Cofresi Junta is holding a fundraiser on August 8th! The theme is Pirate’s Night and there will be acrobats, fire & light show, live music & DJ and lots of food and cold drinks! Entrance is only RD$250! Everyone welcomel! ND ms ER a Uy Ch ek A SEE YOU IN BY sas}Costambar Monthly page 3 Te UES Z SY Maude and Guy, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others’ company, After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Guy asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, che accepted. ‘They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ended up at his place for an after dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and with ‘age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Guy for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts. Guy was thinking: Ta have been gentler. Maude was thinking: ‘If I'd known he could still do it, Td have taken off my pantyhose’ I'd known she was a virgin, Los Tres Geos RESTAURANT INTERNATIONAL GOURMET, CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES. Closed June 17-July 14 TeL(808) 970-7627 (Co 605 993-4503, Las Rocas Coftes, Mares Cerrado UTR Se Eun CEE ere a pla = ar exe | ‘Saturday July llth & 25th August 8th & 22nd Featuring Du M: & Karaoke Tre RATED #2 TOP THINGS TO DO IN PUERTO PLATA!!! tripady TM STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND SOMEONE I WANT TO HIT WITH IT! YOU ARE HOT? COME TO A COOL PLACE! 8am till 8eEm 809-710-7606Costambar Monthly page 4 You're An EXTREME Redneck When.. P 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner E Le table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas isin it. BAR & RESTAURANT | 2.vouve been married three times and etl have the same In front of jenny’s in-laws. lopen Monday-Saturday 10:30am-9pm Closed Sundays] 4, You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a Aifferent night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-roome 0 clean 6.Someone in your family died right after saying ‘Hey, ‘guys. watch this! 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, atart your engines 1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth ‘than your spouse. 12, You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 13. One of your kide was born on a pool table. 14, You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 15, You can't get married to your sweetheart because ‘there's a law against it. 16. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your Acrobats, Fire & Light Show « Live Music and DJ Pizza, Wings, Hamburgers & Tacos, Saturday, Aug. 8, 2015 Cold beers, rum & refreshments 6pm-1'1pm available for sale. Entrance RD$250 Buy Tickets at:'Restaurante Sharkys, Clara Guzman & Pascual Help protect our public'beaches. Fundraiser Junta Playa Cofresi, co rac st PresidenteCostambar Monthly page 5 TN Feel Cia Cee ee cdot cn) Try Our Famous Chivo Picante! ‘Other menu items available also Open for Breakfast at 8am! Air conditioned Bar & Lounge! New massage rooms! Manicures! Happy Hour Monday-Friday 9am-5pm 9X1 Rum Drinks RD$100 (Brugal & Barcelo) A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. ‘The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Karaoke Every Day! well not fed mothe aia was Special Price on new beer from Cuba "Come on, honey, Take it or I'l Bucanero only RD$100! give it to this nice man here A few minutes later, the anxious Available for All Your Special Events!| man biurted out, “Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was 809-970-7617 supposed to get of four stops ago! 829-770-0661 I DON'T GET WHY MEN ARE vine summer Season ALWAYS TRYING TO HAVE ee es ecg THREESOMES... [Calle Juan Bosch 60, Puer REALLY? ARE YOU TRYING (Calle Juan Bosch 60, Puerto Plata SOME DAYS THE SUPPLY OF AVAILABLE cunge | TO DISAPPOINT TWO WOMEN WORDS 15 INSUFFICIENT TO MEET MY DEMANDS! AT THE SAME TIME?Costambar Monthly page 6 ‘MORE THAN 20 TYPES OF BELGIAN BEER! 8 SPORTS CHANNELS! VARIETY OF FOOD & TAPAS! CQrropicarwarror EP vipadvisor ON THE MALECON, CASETA #3, PUERTO PLATA. OPEN FROM 12PM. CLOSED TUESDAYS. WELCOME TO KEVIN & PATRICIA’S EL CAREY Where you can enjoy the beach your way! EVERY DAY 5-7pm! 2 Cuba/Santo Libres for RD$100 And even Happier Hour Rose Spritzers for Rp$100 Saturdays & Sund: The Best LE FOR ALL TYPES OF EVENTS! Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar. Puerto Plata spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8253 CLOSED MONDAYS. in Town! Multiple choice question Where would you rather be right now? A)|na sinking submarine oO B) Ina crashing helicopter [] ©) At Vikis Place having a cold one with your buddies 6 Calle Princi al no 1 CostambarlPto Pta an dl 1 I TAKE FOR GRANITE PEOPLE’S POOR GRAMMAR. MORE PACIFICALLY HOW THERE ALWAYS THINKING ‘FOR ALL INTENSIVE PURPOSES’ IS SUPPOSABLY CORRECT.Costambar Monthly page 7 Open Daily 3-11PM Kitchen open 5-10 PM Wednesday Closed a ESTAURANT & STEAI a che VW cet 09 866 1014 Saturdays Karaoke with Jean Pierre Start7 PM = WiFi-Zone Take out Service til 9PM: We recommentus forall kinds of Events Cat A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a costume party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to ‘a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with ‘your wooden leg you have will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover ‘your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. ‘The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head, So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over ‘your bald head, let it harden, then stick your ‘wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple. NOBBY’S 809 841 1141 All year through available on order: Cold cuts: Roast beef coldsmoked beef cold-smoked chicken breast, cola-smoked pork fillet; cooked cured ham ‘YOUR FINE RESTAURANT INTHE HEART oF COSTAMBAR Special Plates July -31.July foronly 299.- Meatballsin Tomatosauce & Salad Merofiletin ‘Crabmeatsauce with herbed Rico & Salad Das ganze Jahr auf Bestellung verfiighar: Aufschnit Roast bee geduchres Rindfleisch,gerbucherte Hahnerbrust, erduchertes Schweinefilt, Kochschinken Freshmeat: Por fillet, tenderloin steak, steok tartare Frisches Fleisch: Schweinefilet, Steak, Steak Tatar Servierfertig: Schweinebraten in dicke Schelben Ready to serve: Roast pork into thick slicesCostambar Monthly page 8 Pe Asa Because rumour, gossip, hearsay and anecdotes are just sooo much more fun! CRUISIN’ ALONG! Things seem to be right on schedule for the inaugural Carnival Cruise ship to arrive in the North Coast’s new cruise port Amber Cove. And excitement is building and palpable here on the North Coast. Puerto Plata renewal is coming along and signs of revitalization are everywhere. The only rumoured glitch that could delay the arrival of cruise ships is N if the promised 4 lane highway is not completed. But... ‘ON THE ROADS AGAIN! The long promised widening of the Manolo Taveras Justo highway to four lanes has commenced construction - at least the part between Puerto Plata and Maimon. This is the part that could impact the arrival of cruise ships. It is hard to imagine that in certain places it would even be possible to widen the road. crunchy, the leaves on the plants hang lifeless and sad along the branches and 7) NEWS FLOTSAM & JETSAM Q hb Z/ We are still in drought conditions and desperate for rain. The grass is brown and & 50s water supplies dwindle. Hopefully a good tropical rain comes soon! And in spite of the dry, and often windy, conditions brush burning continues and many large fires have occurred lately. Here in Costambar a few big brush fires have had n residents worried. The photo here, supplied by Melissa Stagnaro, shows a large fire burning unattended in the Paseo de Laguna area. At one point other trees caught firel It did, fortunately, die down before becoming too much more of a threat to nearby residences. In order to try and tame the chaos that is North Coast road traffic AMET has increased their numbers and presence on the streets. Many have remarked at how very young and inexperienced the new officers appear. Only time will tell if the beast that is Puerto Plata traffic can be tamed! ‘The power was much improved over the month of June. Really hard to remember any significant power outages. And as the temperatures and humidity climb higher daily it is nice to have the power to handle increased fan (and for some) air conditioner use. LEAVING ON A JET PLANE! There will be no August issue of Costambar Monthly because the editorial, sales, design, printing and administrative departments all need to go to Canada to visit her family after 2 years of absence. The Costambar Monthly will be back in September to celebrate 13 years of entertaining and informing our piece of the North Coast!! Enjoy your summer wherever you are and whatever you are doing! JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE POWER! ‘As many of you know we print the Costambar Monthly ourselves on our own equipment in our house. Turns out the day that hundreds of Costambar Monthly magazines need to be printed is the day that an all day ‘scheduled maintenance’ outage happens!Costambar Monthly page 9 THE RAINY DAY PAGE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 10 SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9. BEGINNER The remaining letters spell a hidden message SUMMER Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid, JUNESTSS USMEAUYE SMWEEANL UTWIRRSG NSHYMTCC TyuGIMyYs AGLCICIR NREULFMN CEAEJERS SEDALBRE CNAOFLOG HONIHSIF ORCAMPIN OACINCIP LSFLIESK TsuGUASI GNINEDRA ANTS FISHING AUGUST FLIES BARBECUE FLOWERS BASEBALL GARDENING BEACH GOLF BEES GREEN GRASS BICYCLE aT BLUE SKY HIKING BOATING HOLIDAYS. BREEZE HoT CAMPING ICECREAM s PoNMaArasemer-co oe YK 1 w x ororo cr3roreEmionovomnea = omcvre4+omman-crea zZnon4100% JuLY JUNE MosquiToES s No SCHOOL. Picnic rue-nammasesaDoza—m -rPamnmm ae wezoasm oLeovHA-ZArMaAuo mom > SUNBURN SUNGLASSES SUNSCREEN SUNSHINE SUNTAN ROLLER BLADES SWEAT SANDALS. SKATEBOARD SOCCER, SOLSTICE SPRINKLERS Down Across 1.Omen 5, Fall apart 6. Rising air current 7. Delete 1. Image 2. Gather livestock together 3. Make plain and comprehensible 4, Supporting tower SWIMMING UVRAYS Wases WATER FIGHTS WATERMELONCostambar Monthly page 10 COSTAMBAR MONTHLY AD RATES The Best Value for your Advertising Peso! CABLE VISION Size DIMENSIONS [PRICE/MONTH ELTECSA, S.A. FULLPAGE — BACK 8x10" 054700 Calle Principal #5 FULL PAGE - INTERIOR erxi0” RD$3200 Costambar, Pto. Pta. FULLPAGE-INSIDEBACK| 8X10" RD$3750 TEL: 809-970-7194 1/2 PAGE 8x5" OR #°K10"| —_RO$1800 RNC 1-01-63910-5 1/4 PAGE ays” ‘RD$1000 1/8 PAGE 4x15" ROSS75, BUSINESS CARD AD ry ROS450 Contact Us a2. 809-970-7507/809-449-1820 costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca www.costambarmonthly.com $ylvia (resident in Holland) is looking for geocaching players in Costambar. If you Pty are a registered player, you can find her under her Geocaching name “Cannabitch” SAY YOU SAW IT HTS] or contact Costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca 7 More information K about Geocaching at OCI ng tea encecnrat SOLUTIONS TO PUZZLES ON PAGE 9 5 - (7 Te x 3 P[O]R[TIE|N|T 8 G S ~ - So Oo GG Re g se) fe [RUM yp [ee = INS x ‘if (RINE Es A SSR ifs | UPD IRATE IT ee) ote f = ARMA] lELxTeluinicle cl SIelelela ff fe =Hel|e)| 4 BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE 2 Se See Pe 7]6]4]9 712]6]4]7]218]5 = u falsfotei7/3{2/t{s|lels|sle/sl2t7 1/4 ei if4lsl2tsis[7|[4/7]9]e/4[s[2 | 3/6 HIDDEN MESSAGE 6/1[6]913/8|4|7(2||516|3]2|/9|4[8| 7/1 ‘SUMMER VACATION a/2lal7[1[sfee[3|f1|9/4[3/7[e[s/6|2 37 fel2[4lelsle[1|[2 el 7]slel1[4 [o/s whe see Nye 69/3] (2| 7/1 e[4|[6/4|5]1 [8 [9[3|2|7 2 = z= 2/s[7|1/6l4]o/a[s|[o 2|1]7/5/3/6|4 [6 cer C&S Cf} oO beehebreorlrerbeehepeCostambar Monthly page 11 A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned againet the back fence and I made love to you.” Yes, she says, “Iremember it well” OK he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Ob Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good ideal" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex againet a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble, So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then euddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen, This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. ‘The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know before. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and. put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.” Health Insurance Available Through “International Residents Club” RD$1580 Includes Dental RD$1890 with Drugs FOR DETAILED INFO OR TO PAY Tuesday July 7, Aug 4 & Sept 1 Barcos, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Pedro’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 809-904-8535/809-543-2155 Professional MASSAGE + Therapeutic massage 4 Sport massage Deep tissue massage ‘¢ Trigger point massage ¢ Lymph massage’ drainage + Relax massage NOW OFFERING LASER THERAPY! Home And Hotel Visits 829 549 9516 plokkie@hotmail.com Tel Email von