DonteWashington

July8th2015
URWIT1101
TheSoundofah
Oboe
IrememberwalkingintotheWindEnsemblehonorsbandclasslikethetypicalband
geekwithmyoboeinmyrighthand,enormousbackpackonmybacklikeafreshman.The
bandroomwasthebiggestroominthemainbuildingotherthantheauditorium.Thereweretwo
enormousoakwoodenlockersectionsforalltheinstrumentssafekeeping,oneoneachsideof
theroom,toppedwithaninnumerableamountofgoldentrophiesfromalltheyearsof
Millbrooksexistence.Inthecenteroftheroomwerealltheuncomfortableblackchairswhich
werelinedupinasemicirclearchparalleltothepodiuminthefrontoftheclasswiththe
percussioninstrumentsintheback.IwasthinkingwhatmusicdoesMrs.Kerrwantustoplay
todayasIwalkedtothewhiteboardwherealltheassignmentswerepostedfortheday.Mrs.
KerrwasthetwentynineyearoldbanddirectorofMillbrookwhowasverypassionateabout
makingmusic.Shewastallerthanaveragewithastockybutnotfatbodytype.Herfacewould
alwaysremindmeofasadpugduetothestressshehadtoendure.Herhairwasunnaturally
blondandcamedowntohershoulderswhenshehaditdown.Shealwayshadaseriouslookon
herfaceunlessforheroccasionaljokes.Theboardread
bepreparedtomove,longtones,Bflat,
Eflat,Gsharpscales,Choral11,RussianChristmasMusic
inthatorder.Iwasalittleconfused
onthebereadytomovepart.Iwalkedtotheopposingsideoftheroomtosetmyoboenear
Wendysflute.MyfriendWendyisaaverageheightcaucasiangirlwithreallynicewavyhair
andacutefacetomatch.Shewasaveryenergeticbutawkwardgirlwhowasthequiettype

unlessshewassurroundedbyherfriends.SinceIwasoneofherbestfriendsshewasvery
comfortableactingweirdaroundme.Thiswasalrightsinceshewasmybestfriendtoo.AsIset
myinstrumentdownshesaiduhuhdon'tbeputtingyouroboenexttoherGeoffery(herflutes
name).Ijustlookedatherwithadumbfoundedlookonmyfaceforafewsecondsandcontinued
toassemblemyoboewhileretorting,Yoursayingthatlikeyourgonnadosomethingaboutit.
KnowingWendyIwasexpectinghertosayordosomethingignorantandjustasIwas
assemblingtheendpieceofmyoboeshetookmyoboecaseandthrewitinthetrash.Shewas
smirkingwhilesayingthere,nowyouandyourcasehavethesamehomeandrantoherseat.
ShewasinthefrontrowsinceshewasafluteplayersoIcouldn'tdoanythingtoher.Iretrieved
mycasefromthetrashandsatinmyseatwhichwasinthemiddleoftheroom.IcalledWendys
nameandassheturnedaroundIflickedheroff.Shesmiledandwavedbackatmebecauseshe
knewthatwouldirritateme.
AssoonasthebellrangMrs.KerrstoodonherpodiumandshesaidOkaysofor
today'sclassitsgoingtobealittledifferent*mumblestoherself,
Iwanttotrysomethingnew
*.
Soeveryonegetupandformacirclewithyourchairswhilealsosittingnearaninstrumentthat
youarenotnormallyaccustomedto,andgo!.Assoonasshesaidgoeveryonestoodandmoved
theirseatsintoacircularformation.Icouldtellthateveryonewasexcitedtotrythisnewthing
includingme.Thiswasexcitingbecausenormallywewouldallsitwiththesectionthatour
instrumentwasin.Thiswaslikeourassignedseatsfortheentireyear.Asweputallofourchairs
andstandsinacircularformationwesatdownnexttonewinstruments.Wheneveryonewas
settled,Mrs.Kerrstoodinthemiddleofthecircleandraisedherhandstoindicateweareabout
toplayonthenextbeat.Wewentthroughourwarmupsaswedoeverydayandeverythingwas

fineuntilwegottoRussianChristmasMusic.Ilookedaroundmybinderforthemusicand
thenfeltanicycoldchillracethroughoutmybodyatwhatIjustremembered.Thefirstoboe
player,Hannah,wasn'there!Hannah
wasalwaysinclassatthemost
inconvenienttimesforme.Thebad
newswasthatshehadtheonlypieceof
themusicsoIcouldntplay.Ididn't
wanttoplayduetothesoloIdreaded.
SinceIcouldn'tofpulledoutthemusic
pieceIdecidedtogetupandtellMrs.
KerrthatIcouldn'tplaybecause
Hannahhadthepieceandshewas
absent.Beingtheoverlyprepared
teacherthatshewasMrs.KerrsaidOh
IhadMollyprintoutacopyforyou,
tellhertogofetchitforyou.Iwas
chokedupwithsomethingtosayatthe
realizationthatIwasgoingtohaveto
playthesolo.Imustoflooked
dumbfoundedtoMrs.KerrbecausesheaskedifIwasalright.Inoddedmyheadandthenasked
MollycouldshegivemethecopyMrs.Kerraskedhertoprint.SherepliedOh!thanksfor
remindingmeImsorry.Sheranintotheofficeandfumbledaroundwithsomepapersbefore

droppingthemontheground.Shethenfoundtherightpieceofmusicthenhandedittomewhile
apologizingagain.Isaiditwasnoproblemthenheadedtomyseat.Irememberadjustingmy
standnonstopjusttotrytokeepmyselfbusysothatIwouldn'tstartsweatingbythepalmslikeI
usuallydo.Ialsostartedfingeringrandomkeysonmyoboeinordertocalmmyself.Iturnedto
thepagethewiththesoloandsimplystaredatRussianChristmasMusicwithavacant
expression.
Iknowyoumightbethinking,It'sasolo,wouldn'tyouwanttoplaythat?Thiswasn'ta
normalsolo,typicallysoloswereplayedwiththeaccompanimentofabaselineoranother
instrumentplayingthesamemelody.Inadditiontoplayingthissoloinfrontofmypeers,who
liketojudgepeopleontheproficiencyoftheirmusicalperformance,Ihadalsojustrecently
switchedfromtheflute,whichIwasexcellentatplaying,totheoboeaboutfourmonthsbefore.
Giventhisfact,Iwasjuststartingtounderstandhowtoplayit.Itriedtocalmmyselfby
thinkingMaybeitwon'tbesobadi'mjustoverthinkingitandthatdidn'thelpmeatalland
continuedtofret.IstartedlickingmylipswhileattemptingtotalktomyneighborJoslyn.She
askedDonteareyoualright?IjustsaidNoimfine,Imjustscaredaboutthissolointhe
middle.andthenlaughed.ShethensaidOh!yeahthatone,goodluckwiththatrememberits
onlygoingtobeyou.IgaveherahighfivewhilesayingIcandothis.IknewinmymindI
wasthinkingIcouldnthandlethispressurebutItriednottoshowit.

II
. Showtime
IwatchedMrs.Kerrraiseherhandsasshecuedthechimesandwestartedplaying.It
wasafifteenminutesonganditstartedslowly.Ihadarestattheverybeginningsoittooka
whileformetocomeinbutIstillhadtothinkcarefully.Irememberthinkingjustplaythesolo

howi'mplayingthisnow.Timefliesbyquicklyforthemusicianplayingthemusicwhether
peoplerealizeitornotsomypartcameupalotfasterthanIexpected.Irememberlookingatmy
soloandjustwantingtoraisemyhandtoaskifIcouldgotothebathroom.Mymouthwasdry,
mylegswereshaking,myheartwasracing,andIfeltasthoughIwashyperventilating.I
breathedintoplaymysoloandAsoundcameout,notagoodsound,thetypeofsoundthat
makespeoplecringe,sosqueakyandoddthatyouquestionthesoundsexistence,andallthe
bandstudentsdid.Icouldseethepeople'sfacesaroundmescrunchupasthoughtheysmelta
badsmellatthesoundsthatcontinuouslycameoutofmyoboe.Mythoughtsracedasiwas
playingDamndoIreallysoundlikethis?NowtheirgoingtothinkIsoundlikethisallthe
time.IjustwantedtogetupandrunouttheclassbecauseIcouldfeeleveryonejudgingme.I
recallmyteachersayingatthesametimeshewasconductingThisiswhywepracticeWhatif
Hannahwasn'therefortheconcertandwehadnooneelsetofallon?Thiswasherattemptto
covermyterriblemistakeforshesawhowdistraughtIlooked.Afterwhatfeltlikeaneternityof
peoplebearingtheireyesintomysoul,Ijustlookeddownandfeltdepressed.
Iwasn'thappythatthesolowasover,Ijustsattherebecauseiknewitwasn'tover.There
wasanothersolojustlikethefirstoneI'vedreadedcomingupsoon.Withmyeyesstaringatthe
groundIwasreadytoplaythissolojustasterribleasthefirstone.But,IfeltasthoughIhada
chancetoredeemmyself.IwantedtoprovetotheclassthatIwasadecentoboeplayerdespite
thelackoftrainingIhad.
WhenItwastimeformynextsoloIgatheredalltheairIcouldwithcourageandblew
intomyreed.Thelownotewouldn'tevencomeoutandIhadtoskiparoundsomenotessoI
wouldstayonrhythm.IthoughttomyselfNotagain.Thesoundstillsoundedasthough

someonewereinbeginningbandagain.Ifeltextremelydisappointedinmyselfforthe
performanceIwasgiving.IthoughtwhatthehellisgoingonwhenIplaythisbymyselfit
doesn'tsoundthisbad.Icouldn'tcontrolmyselfenoughtotryandplaywithabettertoneand
especiallypitch.Iwasrelievedwhenthelastnotewasplayed,whichwaslongandirritatingto
theears.Itriedmybesttoavoideveryone'sgaze.

III
. Resolve
Whenthetragiceventended,Ihappilyacceptedmyindividualbreakandjustthought
aboutwhatIhaddone.IstillhadabouteightminutesofmusicthatIhadtoplayandIhadaduet
soitwasn'tjustmeplaying.Iwasn'tnervousatallbecauseIhadsupportsoIplayeditlikeI
regularly.AparentlyIdidn'tplayithowInormallywouldbecauseMrs.Kerrlookedatmewitha
surprisedlookandcutthebandoff.IlookedatherasifIhaddidsomethingwrongfeelingas
thoughshewasgoingtoyellatmefornotbeingabletodoanythingright.Mrs.Kerrsurprised
megreatlywhenshesaidThatwasthebestwayi'veeverheardyouplaythat.Idon'tknow
howtoacceptacomplimentfromherbecauseshealwayskeptherpersonalthoughtstoherself
whenitcametomusicianship.ShethenfollowedupbysayingOhnevermindimnotsupposeto
talkaboutthisstuffsoletscontinue.ThroughouttheentireremainderofthepieceIfelta
mixtureofdisappointmentandprideforsomeoddreason.Ihadmadetwoterriblemistakesbut
hadplayedonethingwellsoIdidn'tknowwhattofeel.Ijustplayedtherestofthepiece
attemptingtogetanothercomplimentthough.

WhenwehadfinishedrehearsalIgotupandproceededtomycasewhereWendywas
waiting,andofcourseshehadtocallouthowterribleIdidonmysolowhilecompletely
ignoringmyonegoodone.Ijustsaidblahblahblahyoucouldn'tplayoboeifyoutriedsoshut
up.WecontinuedtopackupourstuffandMrs.KerrcametomeandsaidIknowyoujust
startedtheoboebutyoushouldpracticethosesolosjustincaseHannahisnthere.Thenshe
smiledandwalkedaway.TothisdayIdon'tknowwhyshesmiledbutIwilljustactlikeshewas
onmyside.