Pilcrow & Dagger News

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Volume II Edition XXIV

Education Leads to Loss of Thought

By LeeAnn Rhoden
Every few years there
is a new way or new
system put into the school
system that is supposed to
better teach the students or
reach more students or
help those students who
struggle. With each new
system a fire-storm rages
between
those
who
support and oppose the
system. Most recently it
has been Common Core.
In the past there has
been: New Math, See-andSay,
Sight
Words,
Phonics, etc. With each
new implementation there
is an abandonment of
something and many times
the
result
of
the
abandonment takes years
to manifest. With the
implementation
of
calculators
in
the
classroom, todays youth
cannot easily add or
subtract in their heads.

With the abandonment of

cursive writing, todays
youth is hard-pressed to
read historic documents.
A noted lack of critical
thinking
and
misunderstanding and misuse
of words has been traced
back to the abandonment
of sentence diagraming.
No longer are people able
to
understand
the
difference
between
subjects
and
objects,
transitive and intransitive
verbs and therefore actions
and
intentions
upon
subjects and/or objects.
This lack of critical
thinking
and
logical
language usage has led to
such modern problems and
atrocities
as
Victim
Thought, Social Justice,
Political Correctness, the
selfie, lack of personal
responsibility, entitlement
mentality, and rap music.

School Supply Shortage

By Snoop Cubby

Recently there has

been a noticeable shortage
of items in the School
Supply section in the local
stores. Crayons, paper,
notebooks, markers all
running low.
Its that time of year,
said Mary Smith, manager
of Debs Department
Store. School starts soon
and parents start stocking
up on the supplies their
children need. We even
have the supply lists from
the schools to help out.
An investigation turned
out that these lists
consistently include items
such as crayons, pencils,
notebooks and paper.

Ironically, the same items

missing from the stores.
Other items that seem
to be in short supply this
week are shoes, clothing,
backpacks
and
lunch
boxes. No, these items
arent on the schools lists
but parents tend to stock
up on these items too,
confirmed Ms. Smith.
A stake out confirmed
a steady stream of parents
cruising through the aisles
gathering these items.
Some
parents
were
shopping for multiple
children; others were
taking more items than
required from the list.
Continued on Page 2

City Fines Man For Flag Display

By A. Marie Silver

Sylvester Martin, a
resident of Baltimore, MD
was recently fined over
$3,000 for the flag he had
hanging off his front
porch.
Im sick and tired of
everyone getting in such
an uproar over flags, the
53-year-old resident told
P&D reporters in an
exclusive interview. First
its
historic
religious
symbols that have been
displayed in or near
government
buildings
since before I was born.
Then it was anything that
protested gay marriages.
Now its the Confederate
flag. Whats next?
In response to all the
accusations of racism,
bigotry and hate that has
sent many communities up
in alarm, Sylvester decided
to exercise his first
amendment rights. Using a
website,
DesignUrFlag.com,
he
came up with his own way
of dealing with his
frustrations. The only
problem was the city told
him he had to take it
down.
I never said it was
tasteful, but it certainly got
the point across, Mr.

Martin said.
After three weeks of being
displayed on his front
porch, Mr. Martin received
numerous orders to take
his custom-designed flag
off of his porch or be
fined.
I chose to be fined,
he told reporters. And
they can continue to fine
me all they want. My
credit is already shot. My
house is in foreclosure.
Theres nothing left for
them to take.
The flag looks like the
American flag, but in the
center of it is the silhouette
of a man mooning
onlookers. The caption on
the bottom of the flag
reads, Exercising My First
Amendment Rights. If you
dont like it, you can kiss
it!
We cant have this
kind of outrage being
expressed, said one of
Mr. Martins neighbors.
What will people think?
Mr.
Martin
has
already been told that if he
takes the flag down, the
city will waive the fines,
said Mayor. Barney. He
has 24 hours to comply
Continued on Page 2

Weather

Index

An Arctic blast is
heading into the region
this week expected to
cause rain, severe storms,
hail
and
plummeting
temperatures into the mid90s.

More News..............Page 2
Dear Monica...........Page 2
Editorial..................Page 2
Letters To Editor................
........Page 2
Rant & Raves..........Page 2
Horoscope...............Page 3
Puzzles....................Page 3
Classifieds...............Page 3

Sunday, July 26, 2015 Page 2

Flag Display
Continued from Page 1

and if he still refuses to

cooperate, we will arrest
him, the mayor continued.
P&D reporters were
advised that a number of
nonprofit organizations are
standing by waiting to
provide Mr. Martin with
legal assistance in the
event that he is arrested.

Shortage
Continued from Page 1

Prices are reduced on

these items at this time of
year so I stock up to get the
kids through the school
year. I also donate some
items to the school for the
unfortunate children who
cant afford their own
supplies, responded Mrs.
Carrol.
A further investigation
did reveal that prices are
indeed reduced on these
items.
Surprisingly,
there
were
no
altercations
between
shoppers
gathering the same items.
Only one instance of
discord between toddlers
sticking their tongues out
at each other.

Volume II Edition XXIV

So What
Hollywood?
By Ellie Fitzgerald

July seems to be a bad

month
for
celebrity
marriages.
First
Ben
Affleck
and
Jennifer
Garner announced their
divorce. Now Miranda
Lambert and her husband,
Mr. Lambert are also
parting ways. There must
be something in the water
this month. Also making
headlines
is
Donald
Trump.
Even
more
interesting than his politics
or alleged campaign, is his
comb-over. Finally, this
week it seems Taylor Swift
and Nicki Minaj got into a
Twitter fit earlier this
week. Nicki Minaj, a
talented artist but sore
loser, got her panties in a
knot when she wasnt
nominated for a VMA. She
tweeted something that
Taylor Swift found to be
offensive. It turns out
Taylor misunderstood the
140 character message and
later apologized. As per
usual, Im left asking:
Who cares, Hollywood?

Editorial
The school calendar
arrived in the mail the
other day and I am sorely
disappointed. The school
year is only 180 days long
yet it is dragged out for a
full ten months due to
holidays,
breaks,
and
teacher work days. It
seems that every month
and in some months every
week has some sort of
day off or early release
day. Just when do these
kids actually go to school
and when exactly are they
taught anything?
First, 180 days is a
mere six months if going
every day. And why not go
every day? Theyre awake
and have to do something.
Make it 7 months and you
have Sundays off for
church.
If you insist on having
weekends off, then the
school year jumps to nine
months. What that means
is taxpayer money is being
wasted for an entire month
on holidays and such.
Something must be done.
A
whole
new
educational system needs
to be put in place. Children
need more time at school,
not less.

Rants & Raves

To the editors of a certain
literary magazine - How
mny times do I haf to
sebmit to ur magaxine
before ull recgnize my
talints and publesh my
storys?
To my wonderful husband
- Thank you for playing
Mr. Mom for almost a full
week so I could go on a
retreat and then get caught

up on work when I
returned home. Im so very
lucky to have a man like
you by my side.
To the vet who helped me
make a difficult decision
Thank you for your
compassion toward my
Jake and me when Jakes
time to go to heaven came.
It is never easy to let go
and you understood that.

Letter to Editor

By Sham Farce

Dear Mr. Farce,

This letter is in
reference to your classified
ads. Im very disturbed by
the ad that reappears week
after week where one
individual, who refers to
himself as Hot Wheels,
is constantly selling parts
to vehicles. Has it occurred
to you and your staff that
this
individual
is
harvesting parts off of
stolen vehicles?
Arent
you the least bit concerned
that you are aiding and
abetting
a
thief?
Furthermore, week after
week it seems that its
always a Mini Cooper. Did
you know there was an
underground organization
stealing Mini Coopers for
their parts? I urge to cease
and desist allowing this
individual to continue
posting ads in your
classified section.
Sincerely,
Missing My Mini
Dear Mr. Farce,
Did Snoop Cubby
actually go to journalism
school? All of his articles
seem to miss the mark.
Consistently. Seriously.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled Reader

Dear Monica
Dear Monica,
My
three-year-old
keeps pooping in his
diaper. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Wilma Wipes

a hard time dealing

with the fact that I live
next door to a nonbeliever. What can I do?
Sincerely,
Betty

Dear Wipes,
Change his diaper.

Dear Betty,
His religious beliefs (or
in this case a lack thereof)
are none of your business.
Get a hobby. I recommend
chess.

Dear Monica,
My neighbor refuses to go
church and says he doesnt
believe in God. Im having

Sunday, July 26, 2015 Page 3

Volume II Edition XXIV

Classifieds
For Sale
Big
Garage
Sale!
Everything must go.
Everything only
$1 or best offer.
Proceeds go to
my ex-husband.
Its his stuff.
Adult magazines
from 2000 to
present.
Wife
found them said
they have to go.
Trampoline with
enclosure.
Never wonder
where the kids
are again!
Mini
Cooper
windshield
wipers. Respond
to this ad in the
personals. Use
the words Hot
Wheels.

Wanted
Want truckloads
of dirt, rocks,
broken concrete,
bricks etc. No
shingles or used
diapers please.
Fillin in a big
hole.
Hunt Club needs
new members.
$1000 buy-in.
Whats hunted
here stays here.
Want spare or
no longer used
parts for special
project. Kidney,
spleen, any.
Knight
in
shining armor
on
a
white
stallion. Must be
willing to kill
bugs and feed
the dog.

Horoscope
Notices
Pilcrow
&
Dagger
is
accepting
submissions for
the August issue
until August 1st
and the October
issue
until
August 28th.
Pilcrow
&
Dagger is also
accepting letters
to the editor,
cartoons, letters
to Dear Monica,
classified ads,
articles,
and
Rants & Raves.
Be sure to check
out
the
guidelines at

www.pilcrow
dagger.com/
submissions

March 21
- April 19

Exclamation
Point

April 20 May 20

Interrobang

May 21 June 20

Pilcrow

Question
Mark
Therefore
Sign
Ampersand
Irony
Mark
Section
Sign

Sign
Octothorpe

Sudoku
Dagger

@
@

&

July 23 Aug 22

Dont get thrown off

course by others opinions.

Aug 23 Sept 22

If you want it, go after it.

Dont get in your own way.

Sept 23 Oct 22

You are in your home field.

Stay in control and
focused.
Gather the data and make
your own decision. Quit
relying on others.
Be proud and celebrate
your accomplishments. But
dont be arrogant.
You are feeling wishywashy so try to think with
your head.
There is a lot of momentum
behind you now. Move
forward with your plan.

Oct 23 Nov 21
Nov 22 Dec 21

Dec 22 Jan 19
Jan 20 Feb 18
Feb 19 March 20

Things are escaping your

grasp. Let them go for now.

?
&

&
.

&
?

!
?

Authority
Point
Because

&

June 21 July 22

Get up and start moving.

You have a lot to do and no
time to waste.
Make a pro/con list and act
with your head and not
your heart.
Lots of drama in your life
now. Take one crisis at a
time.
You are emotional these
days. Stop being the
victim.

@
*

&

Cryptogram
Always plan with the end result in mind.... Be clear.
Be specific.
- Stephanie Goddard Davidson

*
Answer in next weeks paper

Answer from last weeks puzzle