Present state

Concerning the stress-related illnesses that suffering employees form our company have?
suffer? have been going through?(needs complete idea), the following proposal intends to
highlight the main problems and suggest possible recommendations to overcome this.
Money has been offered by the Senior Manager to deal with the problem. For this reason,
details on the investment of this would be provided. Try to specify clearly what is the
problem. Are there ill people who do not receive medical treatment?work conditions lead
to these? The target reader needs to know this clearly.
Main problems
Not being able to sleep is one of the most common symptoms of stress. As a consequence,
employees are tired and mistakes are prone to be done while working. Such are the effects
of this that many workers claim being suffering from severe headaches and migraine. Not
only this but also they have caught colds or flu for easy contagion. Furthermore,
employees become deeply irritable and have frequent disagreements between them. (too
short, I dont like this paragraph!!!) Once you specify your topic, you will be able to
complete this paragraph. It is informative and clear,regardless of the length.
Probably you can add some concrete examples of consequences (machines badly
handled, physical injuries)
Possible solutions
A 30 minutes (change form) relaxation (nap?) in a (any?) room would be a good option.
They (who?)will be able to clear their mind, what (change word)would lead them to
working properly. Had this room comfortably furnished (needs change in form, this in fact
did not happen. You could start with If there was a comfortably), adequate lighting
would be important to consider as well. Since smoking brings serious effects for both
passive and active ones, a total ban on it could be implemented. Another point to take into
consideration would be the employment of therapists and psychologists to our company.
They would take care of the workers. In addition, seminars about relaxation and
meditation could take place in order to give explanation of specific techniques. Finally,
employees should be encouraged to attend a gym. Not only to reduce stress but also for
their health care.
Conclusion
I feel strongly that we should entail this financial outlay for the benefits of both, the
company and employees. That is to say, pay considerable attention to the serious problems
and possible solutions to continue having a better condition of life. I trust you will give
my proposal your full consideration.
En los parrafos del medio siento que me quedaron como ideas aisladas, como que no
fluye en texto :/ :/ :/
Some interesting ideas! Firstly, focus on the problema that must be clearly stated in
the introduction (as a target reader I couldnt pick it up). Then, relate every idea of
the paragraph to this problem, so as to highlight its consequences and point out
symptoms and possible solutions