TEENPACT TIMES

SUNDAY, AUGUST 9, 2015

WELCOME TO TEENPACT
CONGRESS 2015!

VOLUME 1

IN TODAYS ISSUE. . .
-Welcome to TeenPact Congress 2015
-the Funion
-Party Platforms

THIS WEEKS WEATHER

Were excited to welcome you to TeenPact

Congress! While you are enjoying your time here,
dont forget to read the TeenPact Times. Each day in
this publication we will be keeping you up to date
on what is happening during the week, highlight
controversial bills, give you an insiders view of
whats going on with some of our Legislators
through interviews conducted by the reporting
staff, and much more! And dont forget to tune in
to daily TPN News broadcasts! Were excited for
Congress 15lets make this the best week of
TeenPact yet!

The Times is committed to providing up to date realworld news. To this end, well be providing daily
weather forecasts on the front page. However, today,
given the task of forecasting the weather for an
entire week, the meteorologists have gone on strike.
We can therefore provide you with the following
information: this week, the daily low will be in the
mid-90s, it will rain for at least one hour every
afternoon, and your skin will be more hydrated,
thanks to the humidity. Welcome to Florida!

WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT . . .

PAGE 1

REPRESENTATIVE COMPLETES HOMEWORK, STAFFERS IN SHOCK

The Funion is a satirical column that will appear daily in the TeenPact Times, inspired by a somewhat similarly-named publication.

Sources report that, to the shock and awe of students and staff, a Representative at TeenPact Congress has
actually completed his homework. An anonymous source close to the allegedly overachieving legislator told
The Funion that she was very surprised that someone would actually do the assigned work. No one does
that anymore, our source said. I just used my favorite number to pick my bill. Im sponsoring SINAC#22.
[Editors note: This is the Donald Trump Criminalization Act.] Staffers are likewise surprised at the students
dedication. Morgan Hatfield, Assistant Program Director, told us that Its been years since someone was
nerdy enough to actually do the work necessary to succeed at Congress. We have high hopes for this student.
There is no word yet on the identity of the unknown overachiever. Details coming soon.

PARTY SUMMARIES
PERSEVERANCE PARTY

VISION PARTY

The Perseverance Party stands on

conservative traditions and is focused on
maintaining a stable, yet productive society.
Through taking domestic initiative, the
Perseverance party believes in limited national
government and having a faithful presence in
international affairs.

The Vision Party believes in focusing on long-term

goals and accomplishing them through creative and
reliable means. The Vision Party also believes
strongly in U.S. based efforts and boosting the
economy through self-stimulating efforts. In
addition, the Vision Party is constantly thinking of
Big Picture objectives and is developing strategies
to best aid these objectives.

THE COMPASSION PARTY

The Compassion Party is greatly concerned
with humanitarian needs and global
prosperity. Their aim is to maintain efficient
options (whether economic/energy job
creation) for mobilizing the individual and
the family unit. Compassion Party also
believes US success is dependent on the
stability of international community at large.
YOUR CONTRIBUTORS
Anna Jolibois
Will Payne
Jozef Soja

PAGE 2

Noah Martin
Amani Nelson
Clayton Bowman

Eric Long
Anna-Caroline Richards
Kayley Poimboeuf

Elizabeth Savoie
Joshua Samuelson
Bryce Eckhardt

IN DEFENSE OF OUR RIGHTS