ROCKABILLY GUY BUYS TOE SHOES

By
Jarred Hodgdon

Rockabilly Guy Buys Toe Shoes

By Jarred Hodgdon

INT. SPORTING GOOD SHOP

JOHNNY (36), rockabilly guy in full regalia, struts up to
FRED, employee.
JOHNNY
Hey-a Mac, Im in the market for a
tent.
FRED
I recommend this model over here.
Assembles itself in seconds with
the pull of a string! The latest
and greatest.
JOHNNY
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Cool yer jets
Daddy-O! If you cant tell already.
(indicating his duds)
I live my life a certain way!
FRED
Of course sir,I see. Youre looking
for something more...traditional.
JOHNNY
Im rockabilly! Hot rods, cool
chicks...vibrating on a hep
wavelength.
FRED
As is your right.
Fred points towards a dome tent.
FRED (CONTD)
Heres the classic tent. It would
suit you perfectly.
Johnny removes his sunglasses.
JOHNNY
If this isnt some Buckminster
Fuller jive right here. I got young
kids, Joe. Im trying to instill
classic American experiences upon
them. Camping, not the Epcot
Center.
Johnny slightly yanks on Freds collar, then smooths it out.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

JOHNNY (CONTD)
Listen. Ya got something in army
green canvas? An A frame possibly?
FRED
Im sorry. We dont--perhaps on our
website.
JOHNNY
ARGH! A website he says...Its
coming at me all sides. The
unrelenting succubus of progress!
Johnny musses his hair.
JOHNNY (CONTD)
This pressure Mama, I CANT TAKE
IT!
Johnny fixes his hair.
JOHNNY (CONTD)
Im sorry, Jimmy. Alright. Tell ya
what. Ill take the space tent,
what else ya got?
FRED
(clears throat)
We have these portable camp toilets
here, perfect for-JOHNNY
A portable toilet?! Try gimme a
flippin shovel, my kids bury their
feces like Carl Perkins woulda
done!
FRED
How about lanterns?
Fred hols up a lantern.
JOHNNY
Now I played nice but were gonna
have to have some words Joey if you
keep showing me these futuristic
devices.
FRED
Im fairly certain there were
lanterns in the fifties.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.
JOHNNY
Get with it Buck. We have a fire.
That covers, light, heat and
cookin.
FRED
Im just trying to help-JOHNNY
--Kicks then Frank. Im doing a
hike. Razz my berries, whadda ya
got?
FRED
I can see you have some checkered
creepers on now. We can both agree,
not the best footwear for a hike.

Fred guides Johnny towards a shoe rack.

JOHNNY
I can do some Chucks, maybe some
boots. I dont wanna reinvent the
wheel on my foot.
FRED
We may have something-JOHNNY
--The fuck are these?!
Johnny picks up a pair of toe shoes.
FRED
Those are...toe shoes.
JOHNNY
Get outta town, toe shoes?! Theres
a defined, individual pocket for
each and every toe here. This aint
on the level.
FRED
Theyre for real, and actually
quite beneficial. By conforming to
the contours of the human foot,
they ensure good posture and muscle
dexterity.
JOHNNY
Pump the brakes here Clyde! You try
and sell me on toe shoes and Imma
kick up gravel!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

FRED
Thats fine. I think we have
other-JOHNNY
--I mean come on! I come in here
for a few simple, classic, camping
accouterments and Salesman Slim
wants to make me into a futuristic
cyborg!
FRED
I apologize, its really not
futurism, just modern design and-JOHNNY
--You want me to try these on?!
Would that make you happy?
FRED
No, sir I-Johnny rips off his shoes.
JOHNNY
--Here we go, tryin on the
astronaut shoes.
FRED
But I was actually going to
recommend boots to you.
Johnny slips on the toe shoes.
JOHNNY
Ooooh, Fred Flintstone and George
Jetson all in one.
Bounding to a display-JOHNNY (CONTD)
Why stop there?!
Johnny strips out of his cuffed jeans -- throws on neon
track pants.
JOHNNY (CONTD)
(sarcastic)
Look at me! A modern man!
Running laps around Fred.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

JOHNNY
(sarcastic)
I feel alive!
FRED
Please sir, theres no need-Johnny begins panting from his outburst.
JOHNNY
Ya see what Im operating on here?
You start given in to this neo
techno babbledy gock and there just
aint no stoppin it.
Johnny throws an arm around Fred. Pulls a Pall Mall out of
the pocket of his western shirt.
FRED
Im sorry, you cant smoke in here.
Fred snatches the cigarette-JOHNNY
Whoa whoa whoa!
FRED
Here. Try this instead.
Fred hands Johnny a Blu E-Cigarette.
BLACKOUT