Apartment № 6

A Drama in Three Acts

by

Natalya Churlyaeva

Translated from Russian

by

Jane H. Buckingham

Natalya Churlyaeva
Kolomenskaya 12/42
Krasnoyarsk, Russia
churyahin@rambler.ru

Apartment № 6 by Natalya Churlyaeva

 CHARACTERS

LYUBA: Lyubov Ivanovna, owner of the apartment.

NINA: LYUBA’S daughter.

JANE: NINA’S daughter.

VICTOR: LYUBA’S son.

ALEX: NINA’S ex-husband.

DIMA: Dmitrii Sergeich, LYUBA’S lover.

ANGELA: DIMA’S daughter.

VANYA: NINA’S lover.

Apartment № 6 by Natalya Churlyaeva

 SETTING
The action takes place in LYUBA’S apartment.

TIME
The present.

SYNOPSIS
Circumstances make it necessary for relatives to dwell together with no prospects of
moving out on their own. Although they are not enemies, their inability to have private
lives always provokes conflicts. First grandmother and then mother introduce their lovers
into their limited living space, thus creating bedlam. The tension increases with the loss
of a large sum of money. This loss aggravates the situation so much that the ridiculous
death of one of characters seems like a natural ending.

Apartment № 6 by Natalya Churlyaeva

 I-1

Act One
As the curtain rises, NINA is alone. LYUBA enters.

LYUBA
Nina!
(Pause)
Nina, are you home?

NINA
Why are you shouting?

LYUBA
I’m not shouting. I just ask if you’re home.

NINA
Why ask? Can’t you see that I’m home?

LYUBA
Now I see.

NINA
And before? Are you saying you didn’t notice?

LYUBA
How hard is it for you to answer your mother if you’re home or not?

NINA
Yes I’m home, I’m home! Where else can I disappear to?

LYUBA
Anywhere… You’re still a young woman to be sitting at home all the time… This way,
one can sit senselessly till life ends.

NINA
As if my life hasn’t already gone by senselessly.

LYUBA
What are you talking about, at your age! Still have a full life ahead of you.

NINA
Yea, ahead… There’s nothing ahead for me.

LYUBA
(With feeling)
Nina!
 I-2

NINA
Nina what? I know for sure that nothing good awaits me.

LYUBA
Nina, how can you say that?

NINA
How can I live this way?

LYUBA
How? What, are you living badly?

NINA
So, I can live this way but can’t talk about it? Can’t talk out loud about this crummy life
perhaps, according to you?

LYUBA
To talk so, you have to have this right. But you haven’t earn this right yet.

NINA
And what have I earned? Listening to you, I haven’t earned a single thing in this life at
all!

LYUBA
Everyone deserves what one has.

NINA
And what do I have?

LYUBA
You have what you earned.

NINA
And this is a lot?

LYUBA
Well, may be, may be not, but many others don’t even have this… And don’t even dream
of it.

NINA
A fine thing you said…not even dream of it…

LYUBA
Exactly, don’t even dream of it.
 I-3

NINA
Of what? Perhaps such a treasure like my ex-husband?

LYUBA
Nobody forced you to marry him. So don’t try to make yourself out to be a martyr.

NINA
Do you want to say that he’s all that I deserve in this life?

LYUBA
Remember how I discouraged you when you were going to marry him. No way! Didn’t
want to listen to anybody…
(Imitates)
“I’m going to marry him and that’s it!” Well, you married him then, so don’t gripe now.

NINA
Mama, why do you accuse me of everything but defend yourself?

LYUBA
What do you mean I defend myself?

NINA
Exactly what it means.

LYUBA
No. You tell me, how do I defend myself?

NINA
You know how.

LYUBA
No, you say it! Once you started, you have to finish.

NINA
Mama, you’re more to blame than I am for my marriage.

LYUBA
Me?!

NINA
Yea, you! You were constantly nagging me, forcing me to get married!

LYUBA
I forced you to get married?

NINA
 I-4

Yes, you did. Afraid that I’d become an old maid.

LYUBA
Perhaps you’ll even say that Mother was guilty in bringing you to this world?

NINA
Are you waiting for gratitude from me?

LYUBA
Aren’t you ashamed of yourself!

NINA
Why should I be?

LYUBA
You’re my daughter, for this you should be grateful!

NINA
Aha, grateful… Not a chance!

LYUBA
(With feeling)
Nina!

NINA
Nina what? Well, Nina what?

LYUBA
Never talk to Mother this way.

NINA
I can stop talking altogether.

LYUBA
That will be remarkable…
(Pause)
It’ll be much better if you keep quiet.

NINA
I won’t keep quiet. Why should I? As if I alone was guilty in everything… Perhaps I was
guilty in something… Perhaps, even in many things… But is it really my fault that I was
left with my daughter?

LYUBA
I’m not saying that you alone is guilty. Your Alex is also no gift from heaven. Good that
you at least have enough sense to leave him.
 I-5

NINA
I did…but…

LYUBA
But what?

NINA
Only I can’t seem to get rid of him somehow.

LYUBA
What, did he approach you again?

NINA
No.

LYUBA
Then what?

NINA
We talked on the phone.

LYUBA
Nina, child, my advice to you: get rid of him! Don’t get involved with him, don’t, else
there’ll be tears again.

NINA
Mama, what talk is this? I need this Alex like…

LYUBA
These are the right words, Nina. Can only praise you for them.

NINA
But why praise me? I can’t even think of him without a shiver down my spine. Only you
have to understand, no matter how disgusting I find him, one thing can’t be changed.
He’s the father of my daughter and I can’t stop him from seeing her.

LYUBA
It’s okay, Nina. Don’t worry about Jane, seeing her won’t give him anything.

NINA
In what sense?

LYUBA
In every sense. Jane doesn’t love him at all.
 I-6

NINA
And how do you know that?

LYUBA
I’ve specially asked her many times. And do you know, Nina, how our Jane always
answers?

NINA
How?

LYUBA
“There’s no reason for me to love my daddy.” That’s what she says.

NINA
And what if a reason suddenly appears? What will she say then?

LYUBA
And how can one suddenly appears? I don’t understand you.

NINA
Do you know he’s thinking of selling the apartment and buying a new car?

LYUBA
What? Why?

NINA
He said, for driving Jane to school.

LYUBA
How dare him?! Such audacity… Nina, but perhaps it’s not true? How did you find out?

NINA
I told you, we talked on the phone.

LYUBA
Ah-h… Well then, most likely it’s not true.

NINA
Why are you so sure?

LYUBA
I know him. He runs off the mouth like this with anything stupid and then goes on his
way. He made this up about the apartment just so to get you going again. Of course,
that’s what he did! Phoned you up, gave you a lot of bull, like he’s planning on
selling the apartment, and you believed him.
 I-7

NINA
Mama, he didn’t phone me.

LYUBA
But didn’t you just say that you talked to him on the phone?

NINA
Yes, only it was me who phoned him.

LYUBA
You? You phoned him?
(Stops what she is doing.)
So, you keep on phoning Alex behind my back?

NINA
I don’t keep on phoning him.

LYUBA
Why do you do it? Want to get back with him again?

NINA
Mama!

LYUBA
Please, do. You’re a grown woman, you have the right to be the mistress of your own
destiny. Only don’t try to pull my leg anymore! I’m already bored up to here listening to
you whining about your ex-husband! You go on about how disgusting he is but worn
yourself out with the desire to have him back!

NINA
Mama, I don’t want anybody back!

LYUBA
Know what? I’m no fool, I see everything and understand everything. And even if
sometimes I agree with you, it’s only because I pity you.

NINA
No need to pity me, better pity yourself!

LYUBA
Why should I pity myself? Can say that I’ve already lived my life poorly!

NINA
Exactly, poorly! Your lived that way and forced us to do the same. Poorly…

LYUBA
 I-8

Pugh, how shameless! Must think that she lives poorly with her mother!

NINA
Yes, poorly.

LYUBA
You probably complain that you have to go begging.

NINA
But aren’t we living poorly, in fact? Or are you saying we’re well-off?

LYUBA
Your father and I earned no less than others. The majority of people didn’t even earn that
much.

NINA
You and father indeed earned a lot, I won’t argue that. But what’s the use if he drank
away everything he could?! And what he didn’t manage to drink you rushed to hoard in
your savings.

LYUBA
Right you are! And what else should I have done? Or would you rather that your father
drank that too? I only did it for you and your brother! Penny by penny I put away, so that
you’ll have something when I’m gone.

NINA
I haven’t noticed that you’re going soon.

LYUBA
Some day I will. Your father’s already dead…

NINA
Father drank himself to death! You don’t even get a drop in your mouth, why would you
die? More likely I’ll die first. As for you, from the looks of it, you’re going to get married
again.

LYUBA
Maybe I will… Perhaps, again…

JANE
(Enters.)
I’m home! Listen, I’m home!

NINA
(Talks to LYUBA.)
What do you mean?
 I-9

JANE
(Takes off her coat, not looking around and not understanding.)
It means, there’s no last class in school today. So I’m home early…

NINA
(Still talking to LYUBA.)
You’re lying. Tell me it’s not true.

JANE
(Not understanding)
Why not true? I tell you the truth and you call me a liar! Granny, why is she like this?
Tell her!

NINA
Jane, stop. She won’t tell you anything.

JANE
Why not? Granny, why? Are you sick?

NINA
Sick. And very sick. Only a sick person can say that.

JANE
Granny, what’s the matter with you?
(Hugs LYUBA.)
Do you want some water?

LYUBA
(Frees herself.)
Why? I don’t need water.

JANE
But Mama said you’re sick! You’re not feeling well?

LYUBA
It’s your mama who’s not feeling well. Spouts all kinds of nonsense.

NINA
With you, anyone will start to feel bad.

JANE
Mama, so you the one who’s sick?

NINA
No, I’m not. But if your grandmother won’t say that she was joking, then I’ll really make
 I-10

up my mind that she’s sick.

LYUBA
I’m not at an age to joke about such things.

NINA
You’re not joking? Mama, I don’t understand you.

JANE
Mama, I also don’t understand you! And I don’t understand Granny. I don’t understand
either of you! What has happened?

LYUBA
Nothing.

NINA
Right, nothing…
(Nervously laughs hysterically.)
At least, nothing has happened yet.

JANE
If nothing has happened, then why are you behaving like a lunatic?

NINA
What? Me a lunatic? For saying so…

(NINA rushes to JANE. JANE hides behind LYUBA.)

NINA
Do you know what I’ll do with you?

LYUBA
Quiet! Quiet. Don’t frighten the child.

NINA
What child? This child is old enough to be married!

LYUBA
She, married? For the love of God!

NINA
And you’re talking! Or do you think that she’s not old enough but you are? You think it’s
too early for her but the right time for you! How old are you? Or have you forgotten?

LYUBA
What does my age have to do with anything?
 I-11

NINA
Do you really have to think about this at your age?

LYUBA
About what? Perhaps it’s time for me to follow your father to the grave?

NINA
I’m not talking about that at all!

LYUBA
Aha, not that. You only think about it.

NINA
It never even enters my mind!

LYUBA
It does, only you’re ashamed to say it out loud. Well, child, say what you think. If you
think it’s time for Mother to die, then don’t be afraid to say it to my face. It’ll be more
honest… Say it, say it.

NINA
I’m not going to say anything to you.

LYUBA
Then I’ll tell you what I think. It’s not for you to judge your mother! Understand? Not
your business.

NINA
Mama, I…

LYUBA
Don’t interrupt me! I haven’t finished yet.

JANE
Granny…
(Shakes LYUBA by the sleeve.)
Granny, what’s with you?

LYUBA
(Yanks her hand away.)
Nothing!

JANE
Why nothing? You’re so mad at Mama and you say “Nothing!”
 I-12

NINA
Jane, go away!

JANE
I’m not going!

LYUBA
Right, Jane, don’t leave. Stay here and I’ll go to the kitchen instead.
(Exits.)

JANE
Mama… Mama, do you hear me?

NINA
If you’re thinking of badgering me with stupid questions, I advise you not to.

JANE
Why?

NINA
Because I don’t want to talk to you.

JANE
But why? I haven’t done anything to you!

NINA
You haven’t, haven’t… But your father did! And your grandmother also plans on
doing… Doing what will be a big deal to us.

JANE
But what’s that got to do with me? Am I guilty then?

NINA
(Grumbles)
Not guilty, not guilty… Nobody is guilty… Only I alone have to take the rap for
everything. And nobody ever gives me any help.

JANE
Why nobody? I’ll help you, Mama… If, of course, I can…

NINA
(Stares at JANE, then goes up to her and kisses her.)
Oh, you’re my helper… My little helper… Only how can you help me?
 I-13

JANE
Tell me how and I’ll do everything!

NINA
Oh, Jane… Who can tell me what to do in this situation? Who can at least suggest
something…

JANE
Mama, but you haven’t explained what has happened. Only whine and moan.

NINA
How can I not moan? Do you know that your father is going to sell our old apartment?

JANE
And you’re upset because of that?

NINA
Wouldn’t you be upset if you’re me?

JANE
I’ve known this for a while.

NINA
How?

JANE
Daddy told me himself.

NINA
When?

JANE
I don’t remember exactly. Maybe a couple of months ago.

NINA
And you’ve kept quiet all this time?

JANE
So?

NINA
Jane, you are a traitor!

JANE
Why?
 I-14

NINA
Because you’ve betrayed me!

JANE
I haven’t! I love you!

NINA
No, you don’t! You knew about his plans and didn’t warn me!

JANE
Mama!

NINA
If I had known about it sooner, I could have stopped him, could have foiled his plans…

JANE
Mama, all the same you couldn’t have stopped him.

NINA
Why not?

JANE
What could you have done? You’re divorced, and the old apartment is in his name…

NINA
If I had known, I’d have your name added to it! Then he wouldn’t manage to cheat his
daughter so easily out of her fair share… Well, doesn’t matter, I’ll make him sit up… I’ll
make his life fun… I’ll take him to court! And I’ll force him to cancel the deal.

JANE
How?

NINA
Elementary, my dear. He has a daughter, an only child, and her rights are violated by the
deal.

JANE
Mama, it won’t work.

NINA
Why not? You’re his daughter.

JANE
Oh, how naïve you are, Mama!
 I-15

NINA
Why naive?

JANE
Because the divorce settlement states that the apartment is at his full disposal.

NINA
How do you know this?

JANE
He showed it to me.

NINA
Here’s scum! Indeed, scum of the earth… But you’re still his daughter! Can change the
settlement…

JANE
Mama, who can change it? Who will allow it?

NINA
(Sits down, worried.)
No… No… It shouldn’t be like this… Why is it this way? I’ll find Alex, I’ll sort it out
with him.

JANE
Why find him? He’s out-of-town.

NINA
Out-of-town? Out-of-town where?

JANE
Where he bought himself a house. And old…

NINA
Bought a house? But on the phone he bragged that he’ll soon buy a car to drive you to
school!

JANE
If he said so, then he’ll buy it.

NINA
(Spitefully)
Ha! Can’t spend what he doesn’t have…

JANE
Yes, he’ll buy it and drive me to school in it.
 I-16

NINA
And drive you to school. Only the school will be somewhere outside the city.

JANE
Why outside the city? He bought a house not too far out, practically the same as in the
city.

NINA
He did? What’s he going to do there?

JANE
He wants to tear down the old house and build a cottage… Three stories!

NINA
What? A cottage?
(Chuckles.)
A builder, my foot! Where will he find the money? Perhaps he thinks there’ll be enough
money from selling the apartment?

JANE
Enough. And even some left over.

NINA
And you’ll be left without the apartment! May even say it’s already gone… And sooner
or later your father will absolutely be left homeless.

JANE
He won’t.

NINA
He will. And he’ll die somewhere out on the street.

JANE
He won’t. And won’t die out on the street. I won’t let him.

NINA
As if he’ll ask your permission.

JANE
If Daddy really has no place to stay, he can stay with me.

NINA
Where?

JANE
 I-17

With me, with us.

NINA
With us?

JANE
With us, with us. As a last resort, he can live with us.

NINA
Are you out of your mind? Who’s going to let him live here?

JANE
But he’s my father! Can’t leave him out on the street!

NINA
Why do we want another drunk here? Have you forgotten what your grandfather was up
to not all that long ago?

JANE
Mama, I can’t leave him out on the street. I love him.

NINA
But you told Granny that you don’t love him.

JANE
I miss him very much…

NINA
I don’t! I can rest! And I enjoy life without him! What a skunk! Hasn’t he done enough
harm? Scumbag! Sleazeball!

JANE
Mama, why do you hate him?

NINA
I despise him.

JANE
Mama, don’t be mad at him, don’t. I so want you to get back together. It would be
wonderful if we were living together again! And with Granny… In the summer, we could
go to the cottage… Well, I mean where Daddy bought the house. We’d plant a garden
together with Granny, and Daddy would build the cottage nearby. You would prepare
tasty meals… Right, Mama, wouldn’t it be wonderful?
 I-18

NINA
What so wonderful about that? And what does it have to do with your grandmother? Why
does she need us? She doesn’t. Granny has her own life.

JANE
Why do you say she doesn’t need us? She’s already old, and…

NINA
And she’ll beat some young one hands down! Just you watch, she’ll get hitched again.

JANE
Married? Our Granny? Mama, surely you jest.

NINA
Uh-huh, a jest…

(LYUBA enters with VICTOR behind her.)

VICTOR
Mama, I came to you for help. Couldn’t you watch our kids?

LYUBA
But why?

VICTOR
Julia is going on leave, planning on a health resort.

LYUBA
A health resort? Very good, let her go, restore her health.

NINA
What for? She’s healthy as a horse!

VICTOR
No, Nina. She hasn’t been feeling well for the last while. Don’t understand what the
problem is…

NINA
Probably because of you, what else?

LYUBA
Nina, don’t talk nonsense.

NINA
It’s not nonsense. His Julia is so fit, but what about him? Just look at him!
 I-19

LYUBA
What about him?

NINA
Just look, what can he do?! Indeed, a man…

JANE
Uncle Victor, tell Mama you can do anything!

NINA
He can say it but doing…

LYUBA
And he can do anything too! I’ve taught my son everything that’s required.

NINA
Well, then, of course. Since you’ve taught him everything that’s required of a man, then
certainly, it’s time for his wife to go to a resort.

VICTOR
Nina, why are you talking this way? Why are you so mean?

LYUBA
Seems like she wants very much to go to a resort herself.

NINA
No, I don’t want a resort.

JANE
Granny, Mama wants to go to the cottage!

LYUBA
What cottage?

JANE
The out-of-town one.

LYUBA
Out-of-town?

JANE
Yes, Daddy bought an old house…

VICTOR
What, Nina, have you decided to get back together with Alex again?
 I-20

JANE
What’s this “get back together”?

VICTOR
That means to get married again. So, Nina, you’ve decided…

NINA
It’s not me, it’s our Granny. She has decided to get married again…

(VICTOR stares with astonishment at LYUBA.)

LYUBA
Why are you giving me an empty stare?

VICTOR
Mama, is she joking?

JANE
Of course, she’s joking! Uncle Victor, don’t you understand when Mama makes a joke?

NINA
Jane, don’t meddle in serious conversation! Better leave us alone.

JANE
I won’t! I’m staying right here!

NINA
Then sit quietly and don’t voice your opinion.

JANE
(Moves away and sits down on the sofa.)
Big deal!

NINA
VICTOR, at least you’ll talk to her…
(Turns to LYUBA.)
Mama, can you finally answer seriously? Do you really plan on marriage?

LYUBA
I already told you, and I’ll repeat again. I’m not at an age to joke about such things. Yes,
I’ve met a man with whom I want to share my life and fate.

VICTOR
Life and fate, Mama?
 I-21

NINA
Exactly, life and fate! It’s her life and fate…
(Points at JANE.)
that’s still ahead, but yours…

LYUBA
It’s not for you to decide! It’s my life and my fate! And if you think that I only deserve
your drunk of a father in my life, then you’re dead wrong. There’re still men who see a
woman in me. And with one of them I want to find out at least what it means to be a
woman and not a drudge! A drudge that not only have to bring home the bacon but cook
and serve it too…

VICTOR
Mama, why do you say so?

LYUBA
Because I never had a kind word from your father! Because all his life he never brought
me flowers nor chocolate! Do you know why I didn’t cry when he died? Because there
was nothing for me to cry about, nothing to reminisce! Be thankful that I didn’t laugh at
his funeral from the thought that no one will call me a hooker again for putting on nail
polish! That no one will hit me again for putting on lipstick!

VICTOR
Mama, he did it from jealousy! Father was simply jealous…

JANE
Jealousy is from love! That means Grandpa loved Granny…

LYUBA
You’ve been told to sit tight and keep quiet! Love… Let God be his judge, but he only
loved the bottle.

VICTOR
Mama, why do you speak badly of Father?

LYUBA
I don’t want to speak of him at all. If you didn’t…

JANE
Granny, whom are you going to marry?

LYUBA
Whomever I need.
 I-22

VICTOR
Mama, don’t be offended, but it’s your fault that we… I don’t even know how to say
this…

NINA
Can’t even say it! I simply can’t find the words! You won’t see such things in a
nightmare! My own mother, with a granddaughter of marriageable age, thinking of
getting married herself! Are you in your right mind? Perhaps you had a stroke while on
your feet and we just didn’t notice?

LYUBA
(Slaps NINA.)
Shame on you! How dare you talk to Mother like this?

JANE
Granny, don’t hit Mama! You hurt her!

NINA
I’m not hurt, I’m ashamed!

LYUBA
Good! At least you’re ashamed. At least still conscience left…

NINA
I’m ashamed of you!

LYUBA
Nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not going to do anything shameful.

VICTOR
But Mama, you must agree, all this seems more than strange. Women your age don’t get
married like this, suddenly, to some stranger. Did some old fogy really become dearer to
you than your own children, grandchildren…

LYUBA
He’s not any old fogy. He’s a wonderful man… And my grandchildren, what
grandchildren I have, will remain my grandchildren. Nothing will change for them.

NINA
And us? How shall we live then?

LYUBA
You’ll live somehow, you’re not kids. Got too used to being a millstone around Mother’s
neck.
 I-23

JANE
Granny, will you be moving to his place? If so, can I have your room?

LYUBA
Indeed! I’m not going to move out of my home.

NINA
Even worse! So you want to bring him here?

LYUBA
Why are you badgering me?

NINA
Do you want him to sleep in our father’s bed?

LYUBA
Your father didn’t have a bed at all. He slept on the couch.

VICTOR
Mama, the problem is not quite the couch.

LYUBA
Then what is it?

VICTOR
The problem is that this is our home. Our father lived and died here, we grew up here,
now our children visit here all the time…

JANE
I don’t visit, I live here!

VICTOR
Here Jane is growing up like Nina and I did once upon a time…

NINA
We grew up in this home!

LYUBA
So? What are you saying?

NINA
That you’re bringing a stranger into our home!

LYUBA
He may be a stranger to you, but he’s like family to me.
 I-24

NINA
Already? Family already?

LYUBA
Yes! Family already!

NINA
You certainly hooked up with him fast. Got your life together fast after Father’s death.

LYUBA
Don’t you reproach me about your father. Besides, it’s not about him at all, is it? I see,
not exactly the memory of Father that bothers you so.

NINA
I worry about my daughter! Isn’t it enough that her own papa has cheated her out of an
apartment? Now some old geezer will show up to live with us!

VICTOR
To tell the truth, Mama, I also think that Jane doesn’t need this. Nina and I at least can
understand you, but Jane here…

LYUBA
What about Jane? Why does her fortune trouble you? Indeed, I didn’t know that my
granddaughter has such a caring uncle.

NINA
At least let her uncle worry about her, if Granny doesn’t care about her own
granddaughter!

LYUBA
First of all her own mother and father should care for her, not Granny!

NINA
Her own father didn’t even care for her when he was living with her!

JANE
Not true! Daddy always cared for me! And he still does… He’s good…

NINA
Then go to him if he’s so good!

JANE
Well, and I’m going!
(Goes to the exit, opens the door, and stops short.)
Oh, Daddy! And we’re just talking about you… Who’s this? Whom have you dragged
in?
 I-25

(ALEX tumbles in, a suitcase in one hand and DIMA over his shoulder.)

ALEX
Move over, kid, let Daddy pass… Hello, everybody! Look, I caught a thief! I was getting
up, then saw this bugger standing at your door and fiddling with a master key. And the
main thing, he’s dressed quite decently so nobody would suspect him a thief. Seems like
an experienced one too, goes at it as if to work, with a suitcase…
(Turns to LYUBA.)
Mother-in-law, call the police! Let them come and take the thief away…
(Sets DIMA on the sofa. DIMA topples over to the side.)
Victor, help me tie his hands before he comes to.

LYUBA
(In horror)
You scum! What have you done…

ALEX
Right, mother-in-law, exactly. Real scum, took it into his head to rob people…

LYUBA
You are scum! He has a weak heart…
(Tries to bring DIMA around.)
Dima, are you okay? Oy-oy-oy!

NINA
Mama, is this him? Is this your boyfriend?

JANE
Did he want to rob us?

VICTOR
Couldn’t you find someone better? Why do you need this thief?

LYUBA
Thieves yourselves! Where do you see a thief?

ALEX
But he was really trying keys to your door!

LYUBA
He was trying nothing! I gave him these keys!

NINA
Our keys? Why did you do it?
 I-26

LYUBA
Because! So that he can come live with me!

ALEX
I understand nothing… So, it turns out I clunked this bugger on the head for nothing?

LYUBA
(Turns to ALEX.)
If anything happens to him, I’ll bury you in prison! I don’t care that you’re Jane’s father!
I’ll get you for it then…

NINA
Mama, calm down. It’s all your fault. How could Alex know? Good at least he ran into
Alex, if it were someone else…

VICTOR
If it were me, I’d have kicked him down the stairs!

DIMA
(Comes to.)
What’s the matter with me? Where am I?

LYUBA
Home, Dima, home!

DIMA
Home?

LYUBA
Home, home! My home.

DIMA
Lyuba? I’ve come to you at last… For good.

LYUBA
I understand, I understand. I understand everything and I’m so glad.

NINA
But we’re not!

LYUBA
You be quiet! And don’t you even dare say a word against it.

VICTOR
How will all of you live here?
 I-27

JANE
Somehow. Right, Daddy?

ALEX
The heck I know how you are going to live here? I don’t understand at all what’s going
on with you people!

NINA
Your mother-in-law is getting married, that’s what!

ALEX
No kidding? Mother-in-law, she’s not lying?

LYUBA
(Proudly)
Yes! I’m getting married! Just to spite all of you!
 II-1

Act Two
As the curtain rises, ANGELA and DIMA are
together.

ANGELA
Papa, I don’t recognize you at all. You’ve become so cold.

DIMA
You’re too harsh with me, child.

ANGELA
But you don’t want to do anything for me! Don’t want to help me at all.

DIMA
How? I’d really like to help you but I’m not in a position to do so.

ANGELA
Papa, you must understand, I ask you for money only because I absolutely have to pay
back this debt.

DIMA
Angela, I don’t have such a sum of money at the moment.

ANGELA
Then when will you have it?

DIMA
I don’t know. I’m waiting to get paid but I’m already losing hope. It seems they can cheat
me again.

ANGELA
Do you mean to say that they won’t pay you for work done?

DIMA
What can be done? Is it really so surprising in this day and age?

ANGELA
Papa, I don’t understand you. Why do work for those not paying you?

DIMA
It’s not that I agree to work for free.

ANGELA
Then why?
 II-2

DIMA
They constantly cheat me.

ANGELA
Why then do you get mixed up with cheats?

DIMA
I don’t… What do you mean I get mixed up if there are only cheats all around? These
days you can’t find an honest person even with a lamp in the afternoon… Besides, where
can an honest man find the money to place orders?

ANGELA
Papa, I’m asking you, at least do something to help me.

DIMA
Angela, you’re a grown woman. Just think, how can I help you?

ANGELA
I’m begging you! Find the money somehow, Papa!

DIMA
Where? Tell me where and I’ll go find it.

ANGELA
Ask your new love.

DIMA
Don’t be stupid.

ANGELA
What’s so stupid?

DIMA
Don’t you understand? Do you really think I can go ask the woman I live with for
money?

ANGELA
So what? It may be inappropriate to ask an outsider, but it’s okay to take from your own
even without asking.

DIMA
You know very well that Lyubov Ivanovna and I aren’t even married.

ANGELA
But you’re living together! So, you can take money from her.
 II-3

DIMA
Angela, I won’t do it.

ANGELA
Do you want me to ask her myself?

DIMA
Don’t even think about it! Don’t you have any shame?

ANGELA
Papa! What kind of shame would it be if your daughter has no money at all?

DIMA
Angela, listen to me, and listen well. I’m here with this woman not for a day, not for two.
I want to stay with her to the end. I’m not a parasite; on the contrary, I want to make her
life easier. But it hasn’t worked out. I work and work and work like a dog but can’t bring
any money home… Or I don’t bring in enough. And here you have your debts. Do you
really think Lyubov Ivanovna will neglect her children and grandchildren for your sake?
Do you really think she’ll give her hard earned money to you, a stranger, to fritter away?

ANGELA
Not fritter away. I have to pay them back.

DIMA
Whom? Whom do you have to pay back?

ANGELA
Those I borrowed from.

DIMA
But will you be able to pay Lyubov Ivanovna back after that?

ANGELA
Of course! I’ll pay her back for sure… Some day.

DIMA
Some day? How familiar it sounds… How like your mother! If I haven’t lived with her
for so many years, I’d decide that there’s something wrong with you. Have to think up
some such thing, some day, indeed!

ANGELA
If my mother is so bad, then why did you live with her? It turns out her quirks suited you
while she was young? As she grows old, they become faults and you left her…

DIMA
I didn’t leave her because she has grown old. Besides, what does age have to do with
 II-4

this? Lyubov Ivanovna is three years older.

ANGELA
Three years older? Aren’t you ashamed?

DIMA
Why should I be?

ANGELA
The idea of leaving for an older woman! If you’ve left for a younger woman, then, at
least, it would be understandable…

DIMA
What’s understandable? What do you understand?

ANGELA
Why they laugh at my mother!

DIMA
Who?

ANGELA
They say that she’s driven her man away with her follies, got him to such a state that he
hooked up with the first one he met…

DIMA
(Annoyed)
I didn’t leave for the first one! I left for the woman I’ve dreamt of all my life!

ANGELA
You? You dreamt of this…

DIMA
Yes, I did! And there’s nothing shocking about our meeting at such an age when we’re no
longer young.

ANGELA
Tell me, what’s so special about her? Tell me! What’s so exceptional with your Lyubov
Ivanovna that you couldn’t find in my mother?

DIMA
Don’t, Angela. I’m not going to discuss with you my relationship with the woman close
to my heart… Besides, you came here not to talk about this at all but because of your
debts to some shady characters…

LYUBA
 II-5

(Enters.)
Angela? You’re here? Have you come to visit Dima?

DIMA
Yes, Lyuba…

ANGELA
No. I came on business.

DIMA
Don’t listen to her, Lyuba, Angela came to visit. Business can wait.

LYUBA
Good, visitors are always welcomed. Now we can have tea.
(Turns to DIMA.)
Dima, won’t you please go to the bakery and get something nice for tea?

DIMA
Why not? I’ll certainly do that…
(Gets ready to go.)
Angela, would you like to walk with me?

ANGELA
No, I’d better wait for you here.

DIMA
Well…as you wish…
(Exits.)

LYUBA
Angela, while your father’s not here, tell me honestly, why did you come?

ANGELA
What do you mean? I’m his daughter and I have the right to visit him any time. Do you
want to stop me?

LYUBA
I’m not stopping you. I only ask why you came.

ANGELA
What difference does it make to you?

LYUBA
I want to know what were you talking to him about?

ANGELA
 II-6

Why are you asking me?

LYUBA
I wouldn’t ask if I haven’t noticed how his face changed and how his hands were
shaking.

ANGELA
What are you making up? Nothing in him was shaking.

LYUBA
I’m not making things up! I saw with my own eyes how his hands shook after your talk
with him! Well, answer me, how did you manage to upset your father so?

ANGELA
And why the fuck do I owe you an answer? Who are you to me?

LYUBA
I may be nobody to you, but I’m somebody to your father!

ANGELA
You’re nobody to my father either.

LYUBA
I’m his wife!

ANGELA
My mother is his wife! You’re just his mistress.

LYUBA
Don’t say that! Never say that!

ANGELA
Isn’t it true?

LYUBA
No, it isn’t! We’re husband and wife! Remember that well, husband and wife!

ANGELA
Nothing of the kind. He’s married to another woman.

LYUBA
A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. I’m his soul mate!

ANGELA
Exactly, not wife. You’re no wife to him either.
 II-7

LYUBA
Oh you, how cheeky! How dare you insult me in my own home! And after such words I
won’t even speak to you! Stay here by yourself and amuse yourself as you wish…
(Exits, bangs the door loudly.)

ANGELA
Indeed, how offended… And what did I say to her? Nothing special really… Why did she
get so mad? How can father live with such a bitch? You see, it was awful living with my
mother… But what’s so bad about her? Did she abuse him? No… Did she cheat on him?
Of course, I don’t know that for sure… But, even if she did, it would all be his fault. He’s
no God’s gift. Stingy to a fault! Won’t even give an extra penny… Like now. Dug in his
heels that he has no money, and that’s it! But indeed he must have money, he must…
How mean! Only thinks of himself, doesn’t care about his daughter’s problems. As long
as it’s good for himself…
(Walks around the room and examines every corner.)
Look at that, he’s settled in here… Only how is he not disgusted? Nothing’s his own, all
someone else’s… How can he live like this? I don’t understand… Not a single one of his
things is visible in this home…

(ANGELA exits out one door and NINA enters through another.)

NINA
How tired I am! Don’t want to do anything, just want to rest… How I dream of relaxing
for real… In normal human surrounding… But is it really possible? Just think, I, a grown
woman, can’t feel free in my own home! But, what kind of home is this now? Not home
but Grand Central Station! Well, and Mama has gotten weird… Found an old fool
somewhere and hops around him! If I had known, I would never have broken up with
Alex. It’d have been better to grit my teeth and live with him. He may be a jerk, but it
would have been better to remain mistress of my own place. And now what? The place is
gone and I have to live with mother and the old fart, God forgives me… I can’t stand
him! If only I had my own man and not such a jerk like Alex, I would chuck out that old
goat together with Mother, exchange this apartment, and be in the lap of luxury in a nice
big place…

(JANE enters.)

JANE
What’s the matter with you, Mama? Whom are you talking to?

NINA
Nobody.

JANE
Nobody? Talking to yourself?

NINA
 II-8

Yes, myself.

JANE
Mama, I heard it’s very dangerous.

NINA
What’s dangerous?

JANE
Talking to yourself. They say only crazy people talk to themselves.

NINA
What? Calling your mother crazy? I’ll let you have it for saying that…

(NINA goes after JANE and tries to hit her. JANE dodges.)

JANE
Granny! Granny! Mama is hitting me! Granny, help!

LYUBA
(Enters.)
What’s the matter? What's going on?

JANE
Granny, she’s hitting me!

NINA
You deserve it for saying that!
(Turns to LYUBA.)
Imagine, she calls me, her own mother, crazy!

LYUBA
She couldn’t have!

NINA
She did! This brat said that I’m crazy if I talk to myself!

LYUBA
And why do you talk to yourself? If you don’t, then Jane won’t call you…

JANE
(Triumphantly)
Did you hear, Mommy? Granny also thinks that normal people don’t talk to themselves!

NINA
Mama, you too?
 II-9

LYUBA
But why were you talking to yourself?

NINA
Maybe there’s no one for me to talk to?

LYUBA
Why no one?
(Looks around.)
And where’s…

NINA
Yes, no one! Perhaps, I can only talk to myself…

LYUBA
Wait, wait… But where’s Angela? Where has she disappeared to?

JANE
Which Angela?

LYUBA
It’s… Dima’s daughter. She was just here, in this room. Nina, didn’t you see her?

NINA
Nobody was here when I came in.

LYUBA
So, she managed to leave early… That’s not good.

JANE
What’s not good?

LYUBA
I’ve sent Dima to the bakery to get something for tea. He’ll now return and his daughter’s
not here. He may think that I’ve chased her away.

NINA
Why would he think that?

LYUBA
If, of course, she tells him so.

NINA
Why would she?
 II-10

LYUBA
Well, nothing… We just didn’t have a very nice chat.

JANE
Granny, did you swear at her?

LYUBA
None of your business. Get away from here… Go, go!

JANE
Okay, I’ll go to your room then, I’ll watch a video…
(Goes to the exit and bumps into ANGELA at the door.)
Oh!

LYUBA
Angela? Who allowed you to go into that room?

ANGELA
But you also didn’t forbid me. You said, “Stay here by yourself and amuse yourself as
you wish.”

NINA
This is completely insane! Our home has finally turned into Grand Central Station! It’s
not enough already to have your Dima but now his daughter is ready to move in with us.

ANGELA
What’s that? I definitely don’t need you, not living with you.

NINA
Don’t you be rude to me! How do you like that, how… I’m here, at my home!

ANGELA
And I’m visiting my father.

NINA
Your father has no right to be here! Understand? No right!

LYUBA
Wait, wait, Nina. Let me ask you, who has no right in my home? My husband? Are you
telling me that?

NINA
Not you but her! And it has become totally impossible to talk to you. You’ve changed,
simply impossible! Your own daughter has become a stranger to you. So rough, so
cold…
 II-11

LYUBA
Oy, oy, oy! Poor little girl! Not enough maternal tenderness…

NINA
Yes, not enough! And never enough… You never had any.

LYUBA
How can you not be ashamed? Isn’t it enough that I nursed you? Isn’t it enough that I
didn’t close my eyes for nights when you were sick? Have you forgotten how I cured you
feeding you milk with warm butter?

NINA
Won’t forget even if I want to. I’ll remember till death how you forced that milk down
my throat.

LYUBA
I did that for you, for your health!

JANE
Mama, did you learn it from Granny to torture me with that foul stuff?

ANGELA
What a family. What has my father gotten into? Drinking milk with warm fat! How
disgusting…

LYUBA
What’s so disgusting? It’s medicine. And if you haven’t heard of it, Angela, then either
you were a very healthy child or your worthless mother never paid you any attention.

ANGELA
You’re worthless yourselves! My mother is worth all of you here together!

LYUBA
Why then did her man leave if she’s so worthy? Men don’t leave worthy women.

ANGELA
Worthy women don’t snag other’s men! Especially those kicked out of their homes!

NINA
That’s right. I totally agree with this, they don’t.

JANE
Don’t snag, don’t snag!

LYUBA
You be quiet! Nina, did I hear you right? Do I understand you correctly?
 II-12

NINA
It’s about time too.

LYUBA
And I’ve long understood that children need their mother only to suck blood from her!

ANGELA
Depends on what mother and what children.

LYUBA
Fine… I don’t want to continue this pointless conversation. I’m going to my room to wait
for Dima there…
(Exits.)

JANE
(Follows.)
Granny, may I come with you?

LYUBA
What for?

JANE
I want to watch a video.

NINA
Don’t bug her! Let her be alone.

JANE
And us?
(Points to ANGELA.)
Are we staying here with her?

NINA
I didn’t invite her here. Don’t know why she’s here.

ANGELA
I’m waiting for my father. I came to see him.

NINA
Then stay if you have nothing better to do. What is it to me?

ANGELA
You don’t want me to stay here?

NINA
 II-13

No, I don’t.

ANGELA
A very direct answer.

NINA
And who are you that I have to butter up? Who are you to me?

ANGELA
Can say…almost a sister.

NINA
Wha-at? Not only are you not my sister, I won’t even recognize you as a most distant
relative! To tell the truth, I’m already fed up with your dear Papa up to here…
(Runs her hand over her throat.)

ANGELA
What do I have to do with it? Did I lead him to your mother? As if I need this a lot? Is it
my fault?

NINA
Yes, it is! Your fault, and your mother’s fault. If both of you were normal women, your
father would now be sitting at your home and drinking tea with your mother instead of
with mine! And not be an eyesore, lounging about night and day at someone else’s home.

ANGELA
How can you judge my mother if you haven’t even seen her?

NINA
I don’t need to see her. One look at you is enough.

ANGELA
Why?

NINA
Because you can judge the tree by its fruits.

ANGELA
Aren’t you ashamed to say that to me?

NINA
Why? To you? Be ashamed yourself! Take a look and see what you are!

ANGELA
And what are I?
 II-14

NINA
A freak!

ANGELA
If I’m a freak, then you’re a witch.

JANE
Mama, she calls you a witch!

NINA
Me? A witch? And you’re the plague! The bubonic plague!

ANGELA
(Scornfully)
Indeed you’re not just a witch, you’re an old witch.

NINA
Me? Old?

ANGELA
What? Do you think you’re young? Look, your daughter is old enough to be married.

NINA
She’s only old enough, but it’s too late for you already! Old maid!

ANGELA
Not old, and not a maid. But you’re exactly an old witch. Old, old, and you know that
you’re old…

NINA
(Loses her temper, gives ANGELA a shove.)
I’ll nail you for that!

ANGELA
(Hits back.)
Don’t you dare touch me or you’ll be sorry!

(ANGELA and NINA push each other and swear.)

JANE
Mama! Aunt Angela! Don’t! What are you doing?

(The door opens slightly and LYUBA looks in.)

LYUBA
Stop shouting! No peace from you!
 II-15

JANE
Granny, they are fighting!

LYUBA
And what should I to do about it? Let them fight, only don’t yell.
(Slams the door and disappears.)

JANE
(Tries to push ANGELA away.)
Don’t touch my mother! Let her go! Leave her alone, I say…
(Joins in the fight.)

DIMA
(Enters.)
What's going on?
(Ignored by everybody.)
I ask you, what’s going on here?

ANGELA
(Fans off NINA and JANE.)
Get off! Leave me alone!

DIMA
Angela!

ANGELA
Papa, they’re crazy! Help me!

DIMA
Wait a moment! I’ll just put the pie down.
(Puts the pie on the table and tries to separate the fighters.)
Stop it!

NINA
(Hits ANGELA.)
I’ll show you how old I am! I’ll cripple you!

DIMA
(Shields ANGELA with his body.)
Stop hitting my daughter!

NINA
It’s not enough to hit her but to kill her!

JANE
 II-16

(Runs up to ANGELA and hits her.)

Take that! You’ll know about hitting my mother!

DIMA
Nina, stop your daughter! Where have you seen a child dare lift a hand against an adult?

JANE
(Tries to get to ANGELA.)
I’m not a child to you!

NINA
(Boxes JANE’S ear.)
Calm down!

JANE
What’s that for?

NINA
For meddling in adult matters!

JANE
Know what, Mama? It’s unfair! I defended you and you…

NINA
No need to defend me! I can defend myself… I’ll find myself a defender… I’ll bring him
here tomorrow! You’ll all get it then… Especially you, Dmitrii Sergeich. I’ll see how you
keep on bringing your relatives here when another man shows up.

DIMA
For the love of God, Nina! My daughter spent half an hour here for the first time, and you
already managed to fight with her!

NINA
Dmitrii Sergeich, no need to protect your daughter.

DIMA
How can I not protect her if both of you are beating her up in my presence?

JANE
Not true! She started it!

NINA
And do you know, Dmitrii Sergeich, how your daughter insulted me?

DIMA
Angela?
 II-17

ANGELA
I only called her an old witch. And imagine, Papa, she’s offended not by being a witch
but for being old!

NINA
Isn’t that enough for you? You’re at it again? I tell you once more, I’m not old!

ANGELA
Maybe not as old in comparison to your mommy. But on the whole, you’re already an old
hag that nobody wants. You haven’t been twenty for a long time, or even thirty…

NINA
Oh, you bitch! I’ll show you hag… I’ll show you all! You’ll soon see how old I am.
You’ll see tomorrow!

ANGELA
(Sarcastically)
And why not today?

DIMA
Angela, be quiet. Behave, you’re not at home.

JANE
Please tell your daughter not to fight any more!

NINA
Better tell her to get the hell out of here!

ANGELA
Don’t you just want that! I’m not going anywhere…

DIMA
Angela, don’t argue with them, better leave… Come, come…
(Nudges ANGELA to the exit.)
We’ll talk later.

ANGELA
Why are you pushing me?

NINA
(Laughs.)
He’s not pushing, he’s just showing you the door. Dmitrii Sergeich, please show her the
back door…

(ANGELA and DIMA exit.)

 II-18

JANE
That Angela, she’s so uppity! Right, Mama, uppity?

NINA
Leave me alone. Don’t bug me.

JANE
Well, again don’t bug you. Again I’m bothering you… I’ll go to the kitchen then and
have something to eat. May I, Mama?

NINA
Do whatever you want, only give me some peace.

JANE
Fine, Mama.
(Takes the pie from the table and goes to the exit.)
Since you let me...
(Exits.)

NINA
(Alone.)
No, definitely not possible to live like this. Why should I take all that humiliation from
strangers? Is my life really over? No, no, and again no! Here, take my mother, for
example. She doesn’t refuse herself anything! But me? Should I really sit like an old
grouch and watch all this disgrace? What for? Who or what am I waiting for? A prince on
a white horse? I had such a prince once. Still don’t know how to get rid of him… I’m sick
of this Alex, worse than medicine. Even when he owned the good apartment, he was no
more than a nitwit, and now? What is he now, with this shabby shack in the boonies?
And a creaky, rusty foreign car. Now he can’t even be called a fool. How I regret having
a kid with such a dimwit! Jane is exactly a chip off the old block. The same eyes, the
same hands… And the same few neurons in her brain. Learns less and less every year…
Other children are like children, but she only makes a pig of herself and swings her arms.
Why, one has to ask, did she get into the fight? Who asked her? Now this Dmitrii
Sergeich will look sideways at me… Though, the hell I care about his sidelong glances.
The devil with him! And all the others… I’m fed up with the lot of them. I’ll live my own
life. Nobody is to boss me around, I’ll live and enjoy myself while I’m still young…
What a rat! Calling me old! Guys are still glued to me, won’t let me pass… Take Vanya,
for example. Won’t leave me alone at work… Like a puppy… Sent me flowers… Really,
is there anything bad about him? Younger than me, but so what? These days nobody pays
any attention. Head over heels in love with me, and it’s clearly obvious… Of course, bad
that he has no place of his own… Okay, we’ll come up with something, let him stay here
for the time being…

DIMA
(Enters.)
 II-19

Nina, we have to have a serious talk.

NINA
What about?

DIMA
Your behavior.

NINA
Wha-at? My behavior? Who are you to dictate to me? I’m no schoolgirl, and you’re no
teacher!

DIMA
Nina, calm down. Let’s discuss this without getting excited. We are living here together,
so we have to get along somehow…

NINA
I don’t intend to get along with anybody! I live here but I’m not going to get along! And I
can tell you one more thing: stay away from me. And don’t even think of inviting your
daughter here anymore! Is that clear? Else I can’t guarantee…

DIMA
(Tries to interfere.)
Nina…Nina…

NINA
What Nina? Don’t you like what I’m saying? And I don’t like that you sleep in my
father’s bed! That you sit in the sofa where he used to sit! That you eat soup with his
spoon!

DIMA
Nina, is it really my fault that your father’s dead?

NINA
Your fault for being an old fogy fouling up someone else’s century! Your presence stops
others from living their lives!

DIMA
If my presence distresses you so much, why do you keep living with your mother?

NINA
Because it’s my home! Understand? Because I have nowhere else to go!

(The door opens and LYUBA enters. She is having trouble talking.)

LYUBA
 II-20

My-my-my-my… I-I-I-I…

NINA
What? Well, what? Do you want to say that I’m wrong? So. I speak the truth. And don’t
make those eyes…

LYUBA
My money’s gone!

NINA
What money?

LYUBA
The money I put away for a rainy day!

NINA
A lot?

LYUBA
All! All gone! Everything, up to the last penny! None left…

NINA
How could it have happened?

LYUBA
I don’t know… I don’t know anything…
 III-1

Act Three
As the curtain rises, NINA and JANE are in the
room.

JANE
Mama, can you answer one question? You didn’t bring this Vanya here forever, did you?
Did you do this on purpose? To bug Granny? So that Uncle Dima would leave?

NINA
Jane, lay off. Don’t interfere with my life.

JANE
Mama, I’m not, just asking… What, can’t even ask?

NINA
No… Not about this.

JANE
But what about me?

NINA
What about you?

JANE
I’m your daughter!

NINA
So?

JANE
Don’t you want me anymore?

NINA
Why not? Have I disowned you? No, I haven’t. But you have to understand me too.

JANE
What should I understand?

NINA
You’re already grown. Soon you’ll get married and leave us to start your own life. What
will be left for me then? To spy on others and envy their happiness? I don’t want this. I’m
still young and I want to live too.

JANE
So, I should die for the sake of your happiness?
 III-2

NINA
Why? What nonsense is this?

JANE
It’s not nonsense, it’s the truth.

NINA
I’ll slap your mouth for such truth!

JANE
(Holds up her face to NINA.)
Here! Go ahead! You only know how to shout and raise your hands!

NINA
I’ve never once touched you without reason!

JANE
Aha, never touched! Listen to you, you alone are so good! But I’m bad, and so bad that
you can beat me and boss me around! And drive me out like a dog to live in the kitchen!

NINA
Why do you say so?

JANE
But what else to say if you send me off to live in the kitchen?

(LYUBA enters.)

NINA
Nothing terrible will happen if you sleep in the kitchen for a while.

JANE
Yea? Then why don’t you and your Vanya sleep in the kitchen together if it’s not
terrible?

LYUBA
Still scolding? Better look for my money instead.

NINA
I didn’t take your money and I’m not going to search for it.

LYUBA
The more so if you didn’t take it. You could help Mother find it…

NINA
 III-3

Mama, I have no time to look for your money! I have many things on my mind right now.

LYUBA
But what will I do without money? What will all of us do without money? How are we
going to live?

NINA
Doesn’t matter, we’ll do it somehow. After all, your Dmitrii Sergeich can help.

LYUBA
How can he help? He has no money either. He desperately needs money.

JANE
Perhaps he took your money, if he really needs it?

LYUBA
Don’t run off at the mouth! Have you no shame?

NINA
Why should she? I think she’s right.

LYUBA
How is she right?

NINA
Just think for yourself. Has anything vanished at home before you brought your lover
here?

LYUBA
He’s not a lover! Never say that again! He’s my husband, not a lover.

NINA
Oh yes, he is.

JANE
Mama, is your Vanya also a lover, like Dmitrii Sergeich?

NINA
Now I’ll really slap your mouth!

LYUBA
What for? Why hit the kid? She speaks the truth. Who’s he to you, this Vanya?

NINA
If you’re so interested, I can inform you. Vanya is my fiancé.
 III-4

LYUBA
F-fiancé? Don’t give me that bunk. How can he be your fiancé if he’s so much younger
than you?

NINA
So? All the same, he’s my fiancé. We’re planning on getting married.

LYUBA
I’ll never believe that a young guy would marry a woman with a grown daughter.

JANE
Yes, grown! Grown up for a long time! And you’re making me live in the kitchen!

LYUBA
I didn’t. It’s your mother’s fault that you sleep in the kitchen.

JANE
Your fault too! Both of you! You both arranged everything… That’s it, I don’t love you
anymore.

NINA
Well, so don’t. It’ll only be worse for you.

JANE
It already can’t be worse.

NINA
You’re wrong to think so. Can be much worse.

JANE
No, it can’t! Everybody’s already laughing at me! Both at school and in the courtyard.
Everywhere you only hear, “Jane, how is your mother with her boy toy? How do you call
him, Papa, or Big Brother? Oh, how thin you’ve become, Jane! Probably your
grandmother doesn’t feed you anymore. Probably she has other concerns now, she has to
humor the old man and not care for the granddaughter…”

LYUBA
And you think I’ll take care of you forever? You’re already grown… Besides, not an
orphan. With father and mother alive, let them take care of you.

JANE
You can even say I have not one but two fathers to take care of me!

LYUBA
What two fathers?
 III-5

JANE
One’s simply Papa and the other’s Papa Vanya.

NINA
Be happy that you have two. Many don’t even have one.

JANE
Would you be happy if I sit on Papa Vanya’s lap? Start to hug and kiss him?

NINA
Wha-a-t?

JANE
And then maybe he’ll go with me instead of you to the registry office?

NINA
Oh, you shameless!
(Raises her hand to threaten JANE.)
Get out of here!

LYUBA
Go, go, Jane, get out of harm’s away.

JANE
I’ll go! Must think I like being here with you…
(Exits.)

NINA
Here it is, your training! Always shielding her…

LYUBA
And you always upset her!

NINA
Why would I upset her?

LYUBA
Because you never loved her father.

NINA
I never upset her! I’ve always done everything I could for my daughter! Never deprived
her of anything… Always tried to buy the best for her… I worked two jobs!

LYUBA
You know, child, the matter isn’t the two jobs. If your Alex hasn’t been helping you
financially…
 III-6

NINA
He’s supposed to! He’s the father! Besides, he’s not helping me but his daughter.

LYUBA
Regardless, he’s helping. But what he’ll do now, I don’t know. Would he still help you
after you get hitched with this young guy?

NINA
I don’t need his help anymore.

LYUBA
How so?

NINA
Just is, and that’s all.

LYUBA
What, have you gotten rich quickly?

NINA
Even if I have, what’s it to you?

LYUBA
You didn’t get rich on my money, did you?

NINA
Wha-at? Know what, Mama, if you’re not embarrassed by suspecting your own daughter
of theft, then think whatever you want. I won’t even start to convince you otherwise.

LYUBA
Nina, child, if you did take my money, give it back before it’s too late.

NINA
I’ve already told you a hundred times, I don’t have your money! Do you understand, no
money!

LYUBA
Then where could it have gone? Grown legs, perhaps?

NINA
Your Dmitrii Sergeich could have given it legs. Most likely Jane was right about him.

LYUBA
Jane talks nonsense and you repeat after her. I indeed suspect you more than Dima.
 III-7

NINA
You already suspect me.

LYUBA
But what’s left for me to do? Whom else can I suspect?

NINA
Suspect whomever you want. Sit and think if you’ve nothing better to do. But I’m going
to get some air…
(Exits, bumps into DIMA at the doorway.)

DIMA
Hi, Nina. Where are you rushing off to?

(NINA exits without a word.)

DIMA
What’s with her?

LYUBA
Don’t pay any attention. Simply we didn’t have a very nice chat.

DIMA
You probably asked her about the money again?

LYUBA
Yes, I did… Both her and Jane… And I want to ask you too, Dima.

DIMA
What about?

LYUBA
Could you have, by any chance, accidentally misplaced the money somewhere?

DIMA
Lord, Lyuba! I couldn’t even imagine you keep such a sum at home. I swear to you, I
didn’t know!

LYUBA
Maybe you didn’t, but you could guess.

DIMA
How? How could I? And why? Why do I need to?

LYUBA
Maybe not for you but for your daughter…
 III-8

DIMA
What, my daughter?

LYUBA
I know your daughter needs money very much.

DIMA
So, you think I took your money and gave it to my daughter?

LYUBA
I don’t know… But, on the other hand, Dima, tell me honestly, if your daughter’s in
trouble, wouldn’t you help her?

DIMA
Of course I would. How could I not help my own daughter?

LYUBA
There, so you admitted it, Dima.

DIMA
What? What did I admit?

LYUBA
That you took the money to help your daughter…

DIMA
Lyuba!

LYUBA
Don’t excuse yourself. I indeed love you. I’ll forgive everything, just return the money…

DIMA
But I didn’t take the money! I didn’t even ask you when Angela demanded! I told her at
once…

LYUBA
There, I knew it!

DIMA
Lyuba!

LYUBA
No need to justify yourself. I won’t blame you. I won’t even be mad at you…

DIMA
 III-9

Lyuba!

LYUBA
I thought so, since Angela really needed money…

(VANYA enters.)

DIMA
Everybody needs money! Everybody, not just Angela!

LYUBA
…But not at any cost…

VANYA
Where’s Nina?
(Does not get any response.)
Do you know where she is?

DIMA
She left.

VANYA
Where did she go?
(Still does not get any response.)
Did she leave any word for me?

LYUBA
She did.

VANYA
What did she say?

LYUBA
Beat it, and fast.

VANYA
Wha-at?

LYUBA
Do you think anyone needs you here? Do you think someone is waiting here for you? Do
you think anyone is very pleased to have you here?

VANYA
But I don’t think anything! As if I need to think of all kinds of nonsense.
 III-10

LYUBA
And what do you need here at all? Why have you gotten into the habit of being here, such
a rookie like you?

VANYA
Why are you talking to me this way?

LYUBA
How else? Don’t you understand how absurd your presence is in this home?

VANYA
No, I don’t.

LYUBA
Dima, did you hear? It seems our friend doesn’t understand!

DIMA
Lyuba, please don’t shout. We don’t really know, but maybe they love each other?

VANYA
Of course we do. I love her and she loves me. And, in fact, we want to get married.

LYUBA
Look at yourself, what kind of husband can you be? Beggar! First make money, then get
married! You don’t even have enough for dinner, let only support a family!

DIMA
Lyuba, don’t shout. It’s none of our business. Let them live their lives.

VANYA
Why do you say I don’t have money? I work…

LYUBA
Oh, lay off! He works… My daughter gives you money, not work.

VANYA
So she gives me money, what business is it of yours?

LYUBA
Definitely my business! My daughter has practically no money, so where could it have
come from all of a sudden? Maybe it’s exactly my money that goes to entertaining you?

VANYA
What entertaining? I’m not used to being entertained with money! I understand what
you’re getting at. I know that you’ve lost money but what have I got to do with it? As if
 III-11

I’m guilty…

LYUBA
Then who else? Who’s guilty? It seems that nobody is! Not you, not Dima, not his
daughter, not my daughter, and not even my granddaughter! But the money is gone! The
money I worked so hard for, with so much sweat and tears! Where could it have
disappeared to? I don’t believe you, any of you. All the same, one of you took my
money. And you should know that until it’s found, I’ll suspect every single one of you!
(Exits, slamming the door behind her.)

VANYA
(Sarcastically)
Huh. Madam has a temper… Some temper.

DIMA
Don’t talk about my wife in that tone.

VANYA
Is she really your wife? As far as I know…

DIMA
Don’t get fresh with me, young man, I’m not one of your pals.

VANYA
Are you suggesting that I should address you as “Mister”?

DIMA
Address me any way you want, but I expect respect from you.

VANYA
Why should I?

DIMA
I’m old enough to be your father.

VANYA
My father? No, you don’t fit. For your information, I’ve never known my father, he ran
out on Mother and me. But one thing I can tell you for sure, I wouldn’t want anything to
do with a father like you.

DIMA
(Confused)
Why? What’s so bad about me?

VANYA
What’s so good about you? Tell me!
 III-12

DIMA
I…I…I work hard all my life! I work damn hard, like a dog!

VANYA
Yea? And have you managed to have a lot by the sweat of your brow?

DIMA
Well, probably more than you.

VANYA
My life is still ahead of me, I still have time… All the same, earning money isn’t
everything.

DIMA
Well, it’s good that your life is still ahead.

VANYA
And you? Is your life all in the past?

DIMA
Yes… You can say that… So, Ivan, live your own life with Nina, and don’t interfere with
Lyuba and me living out our century together.

VANYA
You mean, we shouldn’t interfere with you, but you’ll foul up ours?

DIMA
We didn’t ask you to come. You just appeared here out of the blue. Only it’s rough
having you here, especially now when such a sum of money has disappeared God knows
where…

(JANE enters, wearing a new fur coat and new boots.)

VANYA
Perhaps it’s known? Perhaps you pocketed the money?

DIMA
I don’t need someone else’s money. I can provide for myself.

VANYA
But your daughter? Can she provide for herself? Doesn’t she also need someone else’s
money?

JANE
How long are you going to hang around here? What’s the matter?
 III-13

DIMA
How’s that, Jane?

JANE
I need to do homework.

DIMA
Then start by taking your coat off. You don’t do homework in a fur coat.

JANE
I can do homework in anything I want! A fur coat or a swimsuit… I’m asking you, how
long are you going to hang around here?

VANYA
What, are we in your way?

JANE
Yes.

DIMA
Can’t you do them in the kitchen?

JANE
Know what, Dmitrii Sergeich? I’ll complain about you to our teacher.

DIMA
What for?

VANYA
Geez, what a baby!

JANE
You’re a baby! And I’ll complain about you too! Tomorrow I’ll go to the counselor and
tell her that Granny’s lover and mother’s lover don’t let me do homework!

VANYA
Go, go. Let the counselor set you straight at least.

JANE
Not me but you!

VANYA
Why me?

JANE
 III-14

Because you live with a much older woman.

VANYA
So what?

JANE
Then you’re either a weirdo or a crook!

VANYA
Who said that about me?

JANE
Everybody says so.

VANYA
Who’s everybody? Your father?

JANE
Everybody. Papa, and Granny, and even he.
(Points at DIMA.)
He says so too.

DIMA
Jane!

JANE
You do, you do! Don’t deny it!

VANYA
I’ll get his head for this!
(Tries to grab DIMA by the shirtfront.)

DIMA
Let go! Get your hands off me, creep, or I’ll hit you!

VANYA
What damn business is it of yours whom I live with?

(DIMA defends himself. NINA enters and rushes to separate the fighters.)

NINA
What is this? Dmitrii Sergeich, how could you?

DIMA
Not me! I didn’t even touch him with a finger! He attacked me!
 III-15

VANYA
Yea, didn’t touch… Don’t believe him, Nina.

NINA
I don’t.

JANE
Mama, don’t believe your Vanya either! They’re both disgusting! Better get rid of them
both!

NINA
I’ll get rid of you first!

JANE
You have no right! I’m your daughter, and I live here too! I’m registered here… So there,
Mommy.

DIMA
I don’t know how you raise your daughter, Nina, but she’s quite something else. In fact,
it’s her fault that Ivan and I came to blows.

NINA
Dmitrii Sergeich, I’ll never believe that you got into a fight because of her. The child
can’t be responsible for your disgusting behavior.

DIMA
What child? She’s a grown-up! Just look at her and see how she’s dressed!

NINA
(Notices JANE’S new things.)
What’s this?
(Pulls at JANE’S fur coat.)
Where did you get it?

JANE
What’s the difference to you?

NINA
Never mind what difference! Speak up!

JANE
I don’t have to report to anybody here.

NINA
Oh yes, you do! Lots of money has disappeared at home, we’re running off our feet
looking for it, and suddenly you turn up dressed to the nines…
 III-16

(Pulls at the fur coat.)

Well, own up, where did you get this fur coat?

JANE
(Breaks free.)
Leave me alone! Papa bought it for me!

NINA
Don’t lie! Why do you lie to me?

JANE
I didn’t! You can ask him yourself!

NINA
I will! Do you think I won’t ask him? Do you think I believe you?

JANE
You never believe me! Because you don’t love me! You hate me! You want me dead!

DIMA
Jane, how can you say that? How can a mother wish death on her own child?

JANE
Ask her what she wishes! Ask her! Ask her!

DIMA
Nina?

NINA
Nina what? Don’t you see how out of hand she’s gotten? There’s no controlling her. She
recognizes no authority. Not just you, she doesn’t want to obey Granny or me or anyone
else. Takes orders from no one, needs no one…

JANE
A lie! I need everybody. You and Granny and Papa. But you and Granny have your own
lives now. Only Papa’s left for me. And even that…

NINA
And even what?

JANE
Even he. He’s going to get married too.

NINA
Wha-at? Getting married?
(Laughs.)
 III-17

Vanya, did you hear that? My Alex has decided to acquire a new family! I know why
he’s doing it.

VANYA
Why?

NINA
Because of jealousy. He thinks that I’ll be hurt when I hear this news. But he
miscalculated. It doesn’t hurt me at all. I simply think it’s funny… Very funny. Let him
get married.

VANYA
Certainly, let the guy get married. Why should he live alone since it’s all over between
the two of you? Right, Nina? It is all over?

NINA
Yes, yes. Everything’s all over a long time ago. Do you really doubt that?

JANE
No, not all over! How can it be if I’m yours and his daughter? As long as you have me, it
can’t be all over!

DIMA
Jane, why are you doing this? That’s how life is, when people go their separate ways…

JANE
But I don’t want such a life! I don’t need such a life! And I also don’t need you!
(Runs from the room.)
You won’t see me anymore…

NINA
Jane, wait!
(Rushes after JANE but VANYA stops her.)

VANYA
Where are you going? Let her go wherever she wants.

NINA
You don’t know her! She shouldn’t be left alone in such a state.

VANYA
Okay, I’ll go then, keep an eye on her. And get some smokes at the same time.

NINA
You only have to keep track of where she goes.
 III-18

VANYA
Fine…fine…
(Exits.)

NINA
(Mumbles to herself.)
But where did she get such a fur coat from? Where?

DIMA
She told you already.

NINA
What did she say?

DIMA
That her father gave it to her.

NINA
Know what, Dmitrii Sergeich? You’d better not meddle in other people’s affairs.

DIMA
I don’t. I just want it to be better.

NINA
Don’t want! He wants it better… Who’ll believe you? Better… It was better without you!
And even very good until you appeared! You ruined everything for us! You fouled up all
our lives, turned everyone’s life into real hell! We were living so well without you…

DIMA
And your mother?

NINA
What about Mother?

DIMA
Do you want to say that I also turned your mother’s life into hell?

NINA
And you think this is paradise? This isn’t home but a madhouse! Putting it mildly,
Mother’s already an old woman, and all she needs is peace! Understand, peace and
nothing more!

DIMA
What about love?

NINA
 III-19

Wha-at? Love?
(Laughs.)
What kind of love can there be between two old geezers? It’s a fairy tale you’re feeding
my mother, taking her for a ride! And most probably solving your financial problems at
her expense in the meantime… Yes, yes! And please don’t present yourself as outraged
innocence.

DIMA
So, you also think…

NINA
Yes, I do.

DIMA
You think that it’s me…

NINA
I think you’re quite capable of taking my mother’s money. At least, before your
appearance in our home nothing had ever vanished. So, except for you...

DIMA
But Jane?

NINA
What about Jane?

DIMA
But you were just talking about the fur coat. You thought that it’s her…

NINA
I said nothing! And I didn’t think that… And even if I did, it’s also your fault! I’m going
to call her father right now so as not to think about it anymore…
(Grabs the phone and dials a number.)

DIMA
Should have done this to start with… And go after your daughter later…

NINA
(Brushes DIMA’S words aside.)
Hello! Alex, it’s you? Listen, I want to ask you, did you buy Jane something? Oh, you
did… What was it? So, you bought her a fur coat… And boots… What were the gifts for?
Her birthday? I understand… No, nothing special… Okay, I’ll call you later.
(Puts down the phone.)
With all this annoyance, it completely skipped my mind that it’s my daughter’s birthday
soon.
 III-20

DIMA
There, you see…

NINA
I see nothing! Nothing except your mug! And only because it’s in front of my eyes night
and day! I’ve already started thinking heaven knows what about my own daughter
because of you.

DIMA
And wrongly too. I would never think that way about my daughter.

NINA
Here if I were you, I would think seriously about your daughter.

DIMA
I repeat again, I’ll never think badly of my daughter. And would advise you not to do so
either.

NINA
But who else is left? If you say you personally didn’t take that money, then, maybe your
daughter exactly…

DIMA
Please stop! Don’t confuse the issue…

(The door opens and an excited LYUBA rushes in.)

LYUBA
I remembered! She was in my room!

DIMA
Who?

LYUBA
Angela! She was in my room when nobody was there! Probably she took my money…

DIMA
Lyuba, you know very well that Angela will never take someone else’s things.

LYUBA
Dima, please understand me correctly. I don’t want to say anything bad about her but
such is human nature. Any person under certain circumstances can take someone else’s
things.

DIMA
Maybe, only not my daughter…
 III-21

VANYA
(Looks out from behind the door.)
Here’s someone for you…
(Lets ANGELA in and closes the door after himself.)

ANGELA
Papa…

DIMA
What’s the matter, Angela? What else has happened to you?

LYUBA
Aha, the ball has come to the player.
(Turns to ANGELA.)
Good that you’ve decided to come yourself. Else the cops will find you… Well, why are
you silent? Where’s the money?

ANGELA
What money?

NINA
As if you don’t know.

ANGELA
Papa, what’s the matter with them? What do they want from me?

LYUBA
I want my money back! Only my money and nothing else!
(Grabs ANGELA by the arm.)
And until you own up where the money is, you’re not going anywhere…

ANGELA
(Frees herself.)
What are you doing? Leave me alone! I came for my father!

NINA
Not your father. You’re used to coming here for money! Do you think you haven’t taken
everything? Think there’re more left somewhere?

ANGELA
I don’t want your money! I’ve come for my father!

NINA
What, doing the hunt with him? More convenient to steal together?
 III-22

DIMA
Stop! What do you take us for? What’s here for us to steal?

LYUBA
And you think there’s nothing worth stealing? You’re wrong, Dima. We’re not destitute,
we have a lot of…

ANGELA
(Scornfully)
Junk.

LYUBA
(Offended)
Oh, you snake! Where do you see junk here?

ANGELA
Only junk that no one wants…

LYUBA
They’re not junk here! Everything is valuable in this home! Just that you don’t
understand this value because you grew up in a totally different situation!

ANGELA
What situation?

LYUBA
I know what situation! I know that not only is there not a single decent thing at your
home but there was also nothing to eat all the time!

ANGELA
(Stubbornly)
All the same you only have junk. Right, Papa, junk?

NINA
You’re junk yourself! Also your father is junk and your mother too!

ANGELA
(Shoves NINA.)
Don’t you dare go after my parents!

NINA
(Shoves ANGELA back.)
I’ll go after you now! I’ll do it to you so you’ll be black and blue!

DIMA
Leave her alone!
 III-23

(Blocks ANGELA with his own body.)

Angela, hide behind me!

NINA
(Attacks.)
You’re not hiding from me!

LYUBA
(Attacks from the other side.)
Give me back my money! Give it back! Give it back!

(Everyone is pushing and shouting in total confusion, then one falls, pulling down
the others. The wriggling bodies form a small pile on the floor.)

ANGELA
(The first to break free of the pile.)
Get away from me! Papa, it’s beyond me how you can live with these loonies in the same
place!

LYUBA
(Gets up.)
He lives here quite well.

NINA
(Gets up.)
And no wonder. Living at someone else’s expense…

(DIMA continues to lie on the floor.)

ANGELA
Papa, get up… Get up, they aren’t fighting anymore.

LYUBA
Dima, don’t lie on the floor, you’ll catch cold.

NINA
Please get up, Dmitrii Sergeich, enough playing the fool.

ANGELA
(Bends over DIMA, starts to understand what happened.)
Papa! Papa!

LYUBA
Angela, don’t shout so loudly. You can frighten your father, he has a weak heart.

ANGELA
 III-24

(Kneels down and pulls at DIMA.)

Papa, wake up!

LYUBA
Dima, what’s with you? Don’t frighten me; you know I don’t like it…
(Tries to lift DIMA.)
Get up, my dear…

NINA
(Helps LYUBA.)
Mama, let me help you.

LYUBA
(Starts to understand.)
Nina, but how can it be? How could this happen… Dima… Dima, I don’t want this… I
need you so…

ANGELA
Papa! Papa, don’t leave me!

(VANYA and VICTOR enter carrying a box.)

VICTOR
Mama…

NINA
Vanya, call 911! Dmitrii Sergeich is dying!

(VANYA rushes out.)

LYUBA
No! He isn’t dying! He can’t die… I can’t do without him…

(JANE enters.)

VICTOR
Mama…

LYUBA
Later, Victor, later…
(Hugs DIMA’S head.)
Can’t you see what has happened…

JANE
What? What has happened, Granny?
 III-25

LYUBA
See, Uncle Dima isn’t feeling well.

JANE
I’ll get him some water!
(Runs out.)

VICTOR
Mama, listen to me…

LYUBA
(Looks up.)
Well, what do you want?

VICTOR
I brought your money.

LYUBA
(Not understanding)
What money?

VICTOR
The money you hid in the box.

LYUBA
(Still not understanding)
What box?

VICTOR
Here, this…
(Shows the box.)
…with our old toys. I took it for my boys, opened it, and see the money there under old
newspapers… A lot of money… I immediately understood that you put it there and
forgot.

(Silence)

JANE
(Rushes in with a glass of water.)
Uncle Dima! I brought you water!

End