Taboo

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It was one of those hot and hazy October days and there was quiet excitement as it was
approaching the first half term of the year. I went into the English class and we were given
the option of either finishing the project or watching a movie , of course the support was
overwhelmingly for the movie. I sat there with boredom as our class had already watched it
two times before and started doing what I normally do stare into space because there was
nothing better to do. We were supposed to be doing a worksheet but most of us in the
class couldnt be bothered , I was looking around and my curiosity came across someone ,
it was Faraz. I had always seem him as the best one within his friendship group which
says a lot about who he hanged around with. As I was started to stare even more I saw a
hand shoot quickly past my face , it was Don saying come on Marvin , weve actually got
to do some work , my reply was oh okaysure thing. As I started to do the worksheet I
felt different about who I was and what I stood for.
The next day , I once again had an English lesson and while doing my work I kept glancing
over at Faraz , I had suddenly seen a whole new depth to him and it amazed me. I quickly
smiled and he smiled back and that was when it hit me. I like a guy. It had felt like
everything I had believed in had gone out the window , it was probably the weirdest
moment of my life. I knew then , that this couldnt be made public knowledge nor could
Faraz find out about this.
Half term was now over and the day to day life of school was gradually getting normal
again and I was quietly excited about my next english lesson , even though I hated most
aspects of the lesson , I knew I would be able to see Faraz. I went into the lesson but the
teacher was at the door with a sheet of people , it was a seating plan and suddenly I was
embedded between my best friend Don and Faraz , I was embarrassed but at the same
time quite excited about being able to get closer to Faraz. As the days and weeks went on
me and Faraz got more friendly , I genuinely saw a nice guy in him which made me admire
him more. Part of me just wanted to express who I really am but I knew I wouldnt have the
confidence for that to happen on my own accord.
A few months had now passed and I was used to this feeling of euphoria when I was close
to Faraz , I felt lucky to have him in my English and Science lessons because it meant I
got to see him at least 4 days a week and most days he used to walk pass my form room
before school and always speak to me. I had never felt like this for anyoneever , it felt
like this was love and I could never stop being positive and upbeat when around him. Even
though I hated most of the people he was friends with , I still admired him and wanted to
be around him as much as possible.
It was now after the Christmas break and there was general misery and melancholy from
the new realisation that school work was going to get a look harder. It was a few weeks
back into the term and our english teacher was off so we had more of a relaxed lesson that
day , I turned to Don and said Ive started to have feelings for someone. , his response
was who and I replied its irrelevant right now. He kept pestering me with is it Amy ? ,
No was my response , is it Melissa ? once again my response was No , he had said
every girl in the classes name by now and then Don joked I'm about to start saying guys
he laughed quietly and my response was just an uneasy laugh. I then said to him talk to
me at break time and I will explain it all to you. It got closer to break time and I was
increasingly nervous and by the time that we were talking at break , I never got around to
explaining what I wanted to , but I promised him that I would tell him soon.
A few days later , I turned up late to my english lesson because I had a interview for going
to sixth form later that year and I sat down and Faraz wanted me to help him prepare for

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his one because it was later that day , he said would you mind helping with my
interview ? which I replied with sure with a nervous tone to my voice. It was the next
Monday and I was in my science lesson and I was sitting next to Don and Faraz had gone
into the cupboard to get a power-pack for the lesson and as he moved away I told Don Its
Faraz , Dons reply was What about Faraz ? then he realised Oooha lot of things
actually make sense now , All I did back was have a nervous smile , I pleaded with him
not to tell anyone , especially my best friend Bryan.
It was now two days since I had told Don and he had been ever so supportive and that
was the day I had an english lesson and you could tell that Don was seeing something
between me and Faraz during the lesson , albeit one way. It was now the afternoon and I
had a DT lesson and my friend Bryan came in and stood next to me while we were waiting
outside the lesson , he said so who do you like then ?. My reply was what , oh nothing.
We both went into the lesson and I was fearing what was going to happen , I started to fell
ill and have many thoughts go around in my head. Nearer the latter part of the lesson I
went over to Bryan and said You know dont you ? , he nodded his head and all I could
say was why did Don tell you ?. Bryan said Well it kinda just come out you know and
then he started to ask questions like So youre gay ? and Why Faraz , he is an annoying
freak ? , my subsequent responses were Im actually Bi and I think he is a really really
nice guy.
Time had now passed a bit further and I could tell more people were gaining knowledge of
that fact I liked Faraz but it didnt seem to bother me , I actually felt semi-free and kind of
empowered. It was now about late February and I was in my maths lesson and my friend
Tamir told me about how he was tutoring Faraz for the upcoming exams and I pretend to
have some sort of interest , it only hit me a few lessons later that I could use this to my
advantage and actually sort some of my dilemmas out. I told Tamir about the fact that I
liked Faraz but to my amazement , he already know via Bryan. Anyway this didnt seem to
bother me and I said to Tamir You know how youre tutoring Faraz , yeah he replied. I
then said Could you tell him that im bi but dont say I like himI want to hear and know
what his reaction is like ? , Tamir subsequently agreed to do it for me.
On the next Monday in my maths lesson Tamir came up to me and said I told Faraz about
you , I thanked him but then was quietly anxious , I knew that in the afternoon Faraz was
in my science lesson. That afternoon I went to my science lesson as normal and I was
sitting and talking to Don and my other friends , when our teacher wanted to explain
something so we all had to go outside , after the demonstration outside I was walking up
the stairs and I was next to Faraz and I said to him I know that Tamir told you something
to his shock he said oh do you ?. The shock quickly turned to a smile and he said that we
could properly talk when we were back in the lesson.
We got back to the lesson and started doing a different task and then Faraz came over
and started to speak to me , so are you gay ? he said to which I replied no im bi. He
then smiled and put his arm around me and asked if I were doing okay , no one else had
been this nice to me when they found out which proved how great Faraz was. Faraz then
got onto stronger and deeper questions so do you like any of the guys at school ? , to
which my response was kind of , its very complicated. He then went back to his desk and
started to smile and mouth things such as are you okay ? to me.
The next day I was outside the form room waiting , I was quite early and the only person
outside , Faraz walked past and did his cheeky smile which always seemed to melt me. I
then said to him Farazyou know there is someone in school I really like , he then

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smiled and walked off to his form class. On my way to my DT lesson that morning I was
telling Bryan about what happened with Faraz which he seemed to think was positive. I
was sitting in the DT lesson and suddenly I could hear whispers and my biggest fear came
true , the truth was out. I got many people coming over to me in the lesson saying things
such as are you gay ? and you like Faraz , I responded with the total truth and say that I
was Bi and that I did like Faraz. That break-time I went to hang out with my friends and
there was an unusual silence , no one knew what to say to me. My closets friends were
still supportive over the situation but some were starting to whisper and laugh at what was
going on.
Later that day I had a P.E lesson and it all felt awkward , Faraz was nowhere to be seen at
this point but many of his friends were giving me dirty and fowl looks so try and intimidate
me. After the P.E lesson I had to go to a catchup session for DT and most of my close
friends were in there and talking , suddenly the school counsellor came in and said can I
speak to Marvin ? , I went to the next room and spoke to the counsellor , she said Weve
heard about the whole situation about Faraz and someone came to speak to me earlier
because theyre worried about you , I then said my piece and tried to hide the fact it was
true love on my side by saying it was just a phase , I later went to the catchup session. I
then had to go to the library printer to collect some DT work because the closer printer had
broken , I was walking on the road leading to the library when I heard Kyle shout Faraz! ,
Faraz! , Faraz! out of the window , it didnt hurt me but I knew that this would hurt Faraz if
he heard all of this. I then went to the library where Faraz was sitting with Tamir and he
quickly turned away and Tamir had a half-sorry smile when looking at me. I then left for the
day where I saw all of Farazs friends beaming there eyes at me and I felt like I was in my
biggest nightmare.
The next morning I turned up as normal and everyone in my form class was just staring at
me as well as the teacher , I then went to my english lesson and everyone there was
looking at both me and Faraz , then the teacher made the sarcastic comment of doesnt
news travel fast and then enjoyed the moment even more by saying Faraz and Marvin
have to come to catchup sessions to which everyone laughed , Faraz moved a seat
further away from me , showing his true disgust and discontent at what I did. The hate
continued for quite some time and every lesson Faraz moved further away from me and in
the worst situations Jake laughed in my face and Liam put Farazs phone on my desk to
try and stir up trouble.
From that day in March 2014 , me and Faraz havent spoken to one another , even at sixth
form we didnt speak once and after the first year there he moved to a different sixth form
so I feel like we will never have that moment of reconciliation which I always wanted to get
closer and finally close this chapter of my life. After a long nineteen months I finally had to
courage to send him a message online saying Im sorry for everything , to which at this
moment I have not received any sort of reply. I really hope that one day me and Faraz talk
again and the Taboo which surrounds this situation.