1

00:00:00,165 --> 00:00:02,408

Okay, so I call it booze-chess.

2
00:00:02,528 --> 00:00:04,522
I got the Cognac Royale as King.

3
00:00:04,642 --> 00:00:06,875
Queen's Vodka.
Obviously, that's the Queen.

4
00:00:06,995 --> 00:00:10,919
Um, Old Steed Whiskey,
that's the horse center guy.

5
00:00:14,778 --> 00:00:15,911
Oh.

6
00:00:17,005 --> 00:00:18,505
Chess-mate.

7
00:00:18,625 --> 00:00:19,594
Let's just drink.

8
00:00:20,152 --> 00:00:21,138
Whoa.

9
00:00:21,258 --> 00:00:23,145
- Check out this guy.
- I didn't do it.

10
00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:25,403
- Cannot arrest me.
- Help you, ossifer.

11
00:00:25,523 --> 00:00:28,742
My costume for the pole dancing
class I'm taking at the Reck Center.

12
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,544
- A good way to meet babes.

- Yeah.

13
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,311
A good way to keep the body in shape...

14
00:00:32,431 --> 00:00:35,442
And, yes, I have met
some friends--who are ladies.

15
00:00:35,562 --> 00:00:37,344
Cheryl, Penny, Laurie.

16
00:00:37,464 --> 00:00:39,091
We're all gonna make
homemade pizzas later.

17
00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:40,171
Sounds good.

18
00:00:40,239 --> 00:00:42,007

So wait, everyone wears

a cop outfit or what?

19
00:00:42,074 --> 00:00:44,042
Oh, no, no, no, this is just,
uh, something fresh

20
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:45,643
I'm bringing to the table.

21
00:00:45,711 --> 00:00:47,145
Thinking I might change
the game though

22
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,913
after they see
this little routine.

23
00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:53,818
Check it out.
Buckle up.

24
00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:59,190
Freeze! I'm gonna need you
to spread 'em.

25
00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:00,225
I like it so far.

26
00:01:00,292 --> 00:01:02,060
[Music starts]
Yeah.

27
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:05,430
- Oh!
- Hello. Whoa.

28
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,499
- Yo!
- Yah.

29

00:01:07,566 --> 00:01:08,666

- Oh.
- Wait a second.

30
00:01:08,734 --> 00:01:09,868
Where'd I put my-Oh, there it is.

31
00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:12,771
Eyes down here, fellas.
Eyes down here.

32
00:01:12,838 --> 00:01:15,306
Seriously, dude,
you got a pretty good dick.

33
00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,142
S--s--stop, c--come alive

34
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:18,843
it's beat like this

that make me smile

35
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,612
- Oh, got me.
- Oh!

36
00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:22,347
Oh, yeah.
No, you don't need to...

37
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,715
- All right.
- Need to...

38
00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:27,285
Oh, yeah, I don't know
what that's about.

39
00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:30,555
"Officer."
"You're under arrest."

40
00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:32,157
Hey.
Whoa! This is a chessboard!

41
00:01:32,224 --> 00:01:33,391
Hey, we're in the middle
of a game!

44
00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:38,163
you're not doing it right.

45
00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,632
[Hip-Hop <i>America the Beautiful]</i>

46
00:01:40,699 --> 00:01:50,239
<font color="#ec14bd">Sync by honeybunny</font>
<font color="#ec14bd">www.addic7ed.com</font>

47
00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:52,077

So you really wouldn't bang

Tyra Banks

48
00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:53,378
'cause she's wearing a fat suit?

49
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,579
That is fatism, dude.

50
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:55,580
That's not a fat suit.

51
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,515
I'm looking at her fupa.

52
00:01:57,583 --> 00:02:00,318
No, that is a faux fupa.
Totally prosthetic.

53
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:03,855

I wish it was real

'cause fat girls get me going.

54
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,458
Fupa. What is--I don't know
what that means?

55
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:07,659
I like saying it though.

56
00:02:07,726 --> 00:02:10,929
It's a fat upper [bleep] area.

57
00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:14,766
Hi, I'm Bradley,
the ISP supervisor.

58
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,169
- ISP supervisor?
- I monitor your web activity.

59
00:02:18,237 --> 00:02:21,272
A lot of pornography, gentlemen.

60
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:23,842
What's your job?
What do you do?

61
00:02:23,909 --> 00:02:27,212
What? You don't think
I can be an ISP supervisor?

62
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:28,746
All: No, no.

63
00:02:28,814 --> 00:02:30,615
You can totally be that.
You can be whatever you want.

64
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,817
You could do whatever

you want to do. Yeah.

65
00:02:32,885 --> 00:02:35,487
What we're saying is, um,
we don't look at pornography.

66
00:02:35,554 --> 00:02:37,822
I don't even know
what porn is, truthfully.

67
00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:38,957
I think it's sexier when a woman

68
00:02:39,024 --> 00:02:40,692
wears all of her clothes.

69
00:02:40,759 --> 00:02:42,327
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

70

00:02:42,394 --> 00:02:43,828

You know what I love,
the slope of a neck.

71
00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:46,898
Oh. The soft voice
of a woman.

72
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,067
- Even a laugh.
- Oh, laughs?

73
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,002
Cut the crap, jag holes.

74
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:54,873
I can look the other way
for a fee.

75
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:56,141
Ugh, thank God,

76
00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,743
'cause we actually watch
a ton o' porn.

77
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:02,213
Mostly weird stuff.
DPs. 3Ps. Golden showers.

78
00:03:02,281 --> 00:03:03,615
- Whatever.
- Give me that.

79
00:03:03,682 --> 00:03:06,017
- I'm into bukkake.
- And I love little Asians.

80
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:07,986
Yeah. We've all got
our own things so...

81
00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:10,155
Oh, and that is a pass
to the wax museum.

82
00:03:10,222 --> 00:03:11,256
Really good one.

83
00:03:11,323 --> 00:03:12,991
You should see their Jackie Chan.

84
00:03:13,058 --> 00:03:14,726
Bradley Cooper's new.
That's a new exhibit.

85
00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:15,994
Hey, what's going on?

86
00:03:16,061 --> 00:03:17,629
Nothing. Just met Brad,
new ISP supe.

87
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:18,596
- Call him B-Rad.
- Cool dude.

88
00:03:18,664 --> 00:03:19,864
Good hire.

89
00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:22,267
Yeah, uh,
this is my brother Bradley.

90
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:23,868
Let me guess.
He scammed you out of money.

91
00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:26,871
Wait, so you are not
an ISP supervisor?

92

00:03:26,939 --> 00:03:29,908

- That's not even a real thing.
- Ha ha ha!

93
00:03:29,975 --> 00:03:31,843
- I knew that.
- I didn't. I didn't.

94
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:34,279
Okay, you are good. We got
to watch out for this guy.

95
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:36,514
That's what I'm talking,
B-Rad.

96
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,349
Real Danny Blaine.
Is it Danny? David?

97
00:03:38,417 --> 00:03:39,751

- It's David.
- David Blaine?

98
00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:41,586
- It's David.
- David.

99
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,621
Yeah, just give them
their money back, please.

100
00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,423
- Give me that.
- Thanks, man.

101
00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,825
Anyway, uh, sweetie, I'm gonna
be working late tonight.

102
00:03:47,893 --> 00:03:51,262
I have an international

conference call. Brussels.

103
00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,464
Oh, home of Jean-Claude van Damme.

104
00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:55,433
- Muscles from Brussels.
- Shut up.

105
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,734
That's what they call him.

106
00:03:56,802 --> 00:03:57,902
So there's some frozen calzones

107
00:03:57,970 --> 00:03:59,070
in the freezer.

108
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,438
And, um, I'll be home later.

109
00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,106
Ugh, I'm tired of being cooped up

110
00:04:02,174 --> 00:04:03,708
in your stupid widow pad!

111
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,810
[Snickers]

112
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,780
Bradley, I told you
I am not a widow, okay?

113
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:10,281
I am divorced.

114
00:04:10,349 --> 00:04:12,750
I am an independent woman
in the prime of my life.

115
00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:17,288
You're 35 and alone.
I run train on chicks like you.

116
00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:18,556
[Whispers] Oh, my God.

117
00:04:18,624 --> 00:04:20,058
Why don't I hang
with these nerds?

118
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,393
What? Okay, no.

119
00:04:22,461 --> 00:04:24,295
No, Bradley, you do not want
to hang out with them, okay?

120
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:25,530

They are total losers

121
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,298
[scoffs] Real losers?
Come on.

122
00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:28,666
We have a swimming pool.

123
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:31,035
We--we all have
our own rooms.

124
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:33,204
We have an aquarium.
A very small one.

125
00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:38,076
- We have two working toilets.
- That's not very loser, is it?

126
00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:39,978
- It's settled then.
- Yeah, B-Rad.

127
00:04:40,045 --> 00:04:40,878
- All right.
- Oo-hoo!

128
00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:42,380
[Whistles]

129
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:45,216
I'll be right back.

130
00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:50,788
That dude definitely looks
at porn.

131
00:04:50,856 --> 00:04:53,124
It's funny 'cause it's true.

He does. I've caught him.

132
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:56,527
Okay, listen to me,
Bradley is my brother

133
00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:59,163
and the only thing
in the world that I love.

134
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:01,132
He's like the child
I will never have.

135
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,234
So I want you to go against
every instinct

136
00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:06,070
you may have tonight
and not do anything stupid.

137
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:07,572
- No.
- Roger that.

138
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,108
Yeah. Because if you don't
bring him back safe and sound,

139
00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:12,043
I'm gonna eat your balls
for breakfast tomorrow

140
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,711
with my grape-nuts.

141
00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:15,380
Then I'm gonna murder you.

142
00:05:15,447 --> 00:05:16,848

Then I'm gonna fire you.

143
00:05:16,915 --> 00:05:22,320
Okay. Have fun.

144
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,888
[Whispers] She just put
the fear of God

145
00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:25,056
into my boner.

146
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:26,924
Fear-ection.

147
00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:30,261
So I'm thinking we could do
a little, uh,

148
00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:31,529

taste of Italy night for Bradley.

149
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:32,897
I'll get out the panini press.

150
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,299
Yeah, maybe if our grandmothers

151
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:36,334
were visiting
from the old country.

152
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:39,437
We're playing <i>Mario Kart</i>
and I choose Bowser.

153
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,472
See you on Rainbow Road.

154
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:44,075

I'm gonna shove a red shell

so far up your ass,

155
00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:45,943
a turtle head is gonna pop out
of your mouth.

156
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,212
But I'm saying later,
when we get hungry--

157
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:51,149
We'll get pizza.
Nobody wants the panini press.

158
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,518
- What's a panini?
- It just sits there, you know?

159
00:05:53,585 --> 00:05:55,653
I'm trying to show you guys

about cultures.

160
00:05:55,721 --> 00:05:57,822
We told you to get
the snow cone machine, man.

161
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,791
Fine. Live in ignorance.
Be typical Americans.

162
00:05:59,858 --> 00:06:01,125
We'll do whatever you want to do.

163
00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:04,128
Yeah. Inhale pepperoni pizza
and chug Mountain Dew.

164
00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:06,197
Yes. That's a good idea.

165

00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:09,767

Oh. Oh. Oh!
How does that sound, dude?

166
00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:11,502
Oh, that sounds like it would
be fun...

167
00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:13,771
If I were ten!

168
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,406
Well, what do you want to do?

169
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:19,243
Oh, no. We're drunk again.
Ha ha ha.

170
00:06:19,311 --> 00:06:21,112
- You're kicked out!
- Dude, don't.

171
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,815
- Nice work in there, B-Rad.
- [Shatters bottle]

172
00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:25,550
- Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
- Whoa!

173
00:06:25,617 --> 00:06:27,151
This totally beats
hanging out with Alice.

174
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,586
Yes, it does.

175
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,255
Did you know she wears
a kimono around the house?

176

00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:33,825

What? Is it silk?
Does she wear a bra underneath?

177
00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:38,129
Oho! My nuts!
He hit my nuts!

178
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,031
Yeah, speaking of our boss,

179
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,766
we should probably,
uh, call a cab,

180
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,935
get this dude back
to her place, and, uh...

181
00:06:44,002 --> 00:06:45,203
- A cab?

- Yeah.

182
00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:46,437
We'll come back tomorrow
and get the car.

183
00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:48,272
You've had two beers, dude.

184
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,575
Suck it up. The legal limit's
seven or eight, okay?

185
00:06:50,642 --> 00:06:54,212
I should know. I've gotten
plenty of D.U.I.s, right?

186
00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:55,313
I'm not risking it, all right?

187

00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,414

What if I want to, like,

188
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,849
run for city councilman some day?

189
00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:01,252
City councilman, dude?
Suck it up!

190
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:05,123
Where's your self-worth?
At least run for the governator.

191
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:08,292
Guys, I'm not going home.
It's Tuesday night.

192
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,496
It's the classic party night.

193
00:07:11,563 --> 00:07:13,164
- Ho ho!
- Ha ha! Party night!

194
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,465
- Shake it. Shake it.
- All right.

195
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:17,435
I love this guy's fresh take
on <i>weekdays.</i>

196
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,670
You--you guys have beers
at your place, right?

197
00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:21,606
Bought a 12'er yesterday.

198
00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:23,274

No, we don't have beers

199
00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:25,676
because I beer battered
some brats

200
00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:28,780
and then drank 11 beers.

201
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,515
Rude!

202
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:31,916
Here's the deal,

203
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,818
you guys go get the booze,
we'll call the cab.

204
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,621

- Let's go!
- The guy gets it.

205
00:07:36,688 --> 00:07:39,757
I'm not paying for a cab, man.

206
00:07:39,825 --> 00:07:42,794
One case of delicious beer.

207
00:07:42,861 --> 00:07:46,431
Sorry, buddy.
It's 2:02.

208
00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:52,370
[Chuckles]
You're kidding, right?

209
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:55,039
No.

210

00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:58,609

Wow. You'd think he'd have
a giant heart under there,

211
00:07:58,677 --> 00:07:59,944
wouldn't ya?

212
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,213
Look like it's the end
of the road for us, bud.

213
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:05,983
Before we go, maybe we should
grab you a vaginal douche,

214
00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,652
you giant [bleep].

215
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:11,422
Watch and learn.

216
00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:15,993
The old switcheroo.

217
00:08:16,061 --> 00:08:18,796
We got ourselves a regular
beer macgruber here.

218
00:08:18,864 --> 00:08:21,632
- This is day one stuff, dude.
- You are the master.

219
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,201
That's right.

220
00:08:23,268 --> 00:08:25,436
I know I'm always talking
about getting out of this town.

221
00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,839
But, uh, if I don't get out

of here,

222
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:30,575
I think city councilman
is something I could do.

223
00:08:30,642 --> 00:08:33,110
I think you'd make an amazing
city councilman, dude.

224
00:08:33,178 --> 00:08:34,579
Thank you.
We're always kidding.

225
00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:36,380
Like, I'm always kidding
and you'll kid right back at me.

226
00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:37,448
I don't want to do that anymore.

227
00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:38,616
No more jokes.

228
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:39,717
You're one of my best friends.

229
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:40,918
I just want the best
for you, dude.

230
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:42,620
- Yeah, me too.
- Let's take a photo.

231
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,422
This is some real
friendship stuff.

232
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,157
We need to commemorate this

right here.

233
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:47,625
Go ahead.
Aaah

234
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,561
- Ah. Best friends!
- Ha ha!

235
00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:51,863
- Ah.
- Let me see it.

236
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,097
Think you're gonna make
the city council

237
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:54,532
after I leak this photo?

238
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,467
I don't see why not.

239
00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,870
'Cause my balls are hanging out.

240
00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:06,344
- No.
- [Bleep] this.

241
00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:08,980
Let's party.
[Laughs]

242
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:13,117
[Whistles]

243
00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:17,321
And one case of non-alcoholic
sodas, please.

244
00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:19,524
Tuesday night.
Decided to get wild.

245
00:09:19,591 --> 00:09:21,459
Drink some sodas with my buddies.

246
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,061
Great store here.
Lot of cool sunglasses.

247
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:27,098
[Whispers] We got this.

248
00:09:27,165 --> 00:09:30,668
Hey, thanks a lot. Cool.
Have a good one.

249
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:35,640

[Clicks tongue]

250
00:09:35,707 --> 00:09:38,009
Oh, hell, no!

251
00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:39,844
Well, that's not a soda
now is it?

252
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,413
- You're dead!
- Let's go!

253
00:09:50,119 --> 00:09:51,953
We got to go.
Why are your nuts out?

254
00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:53,821
Where's your nuts?
Why aren't they hanging out?

255
00:09:53,889 --> 00:09:55,456
What are you guys doing?
The cab's on the way.

256
00:09:55,524 --> 00:09:57,058
- Oh, my God.
- Come on. We got to go. Drive!

257
00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,060
- Go around. Go around.
- What's going on?

258
00:09:59,128 --> 00:10:02,163
Oh, [bleep]!
Pop the trunk!

259
00:10:02,231 --> 00:10:04,020
- Go, go, go!
- Oh!

260

00:10:04,528 --> 00:10:05,862

Did B-Rad just jump
in the trunk

261
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:07,430
with a case of diet shasta?

262
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:11,367
No, no, no. We pulled a little
switched-a-dooza-roozle.

263
00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:13,736
Hey, B-Rad, we're gonna get you
out of there, okay?

264
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:16,606
- As soon as we stop.
- I'm fine. I'm okay.

265
00:10:16,674 --> 00:10:18,041
I'm not dead.

266
00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,009
Hey, farmer Ders,
this isn't a tractor, okay?

267
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:21,945
We're not plowing a field.
We're fleeing a crime scene.

268
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,146
Let's go! Pick it up!

269
00:10:23,214 --> 00:10:24,547
Adam, I am not going
any faster, okay?

270
00:10:24,615 --> 00:10:25,682
- I'm drunk driving.
- Two beers.

271

00:10:25,749 --> 00:10:26,749

You robbed a convenience store.

272
00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:28,084
You've had two beers.

273
00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,586
They probably got
my license plate number!

274
00:10:29,653 --> 00:10:30,954
- Two beers!
- Guys! Come on!

275
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,222
Let's go home, drink some beer,

276
00:10:32,289 --> 00:10:33,389
and eat a handful
of those penises

277
00:10:33,457 --> 00:10:34,691
you're always talking about.

278
00:10:34,758 --> 00:10:36,159
They're not penises!
They're paninis!

279
00:10:36,227 --> 00:10:37,927
And if you think
you're getting one now

280
00:10:37,995 --> 00:10:40,597
after this whole hullabaloo,
you are dead w--

281
00:10:40,664 --> 00:10:42,232
Who's smoking weed?
I smell weed.

282
00:10:42,299 --> 00:10:43,933

- Who's smoking it?

- I'm smoking a joint.

283
00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:46,002
I'm hotboxing with God!

284
00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:51,007
"Hotboxing with God"?
B-Rad is rad!

285
00:10:51,075 --> 00:10:54,010
Yeah. And you are looking good
in my cop uniform.

286
00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:56,779
That's actually the uniform
I wear to stripping class.

287
00:10:56,847 --> 00:10:57,981
Which reminds me,
I have a 5k run/walk

288
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,315
with the gals later.

289
00:10:59,383 --> 00:11:01,484
I think you might be gay, dude!

290
00:11:01,552 --> 00:11:04,254
It's actually not as gay as it-Okay.

291
00:11:04,321 --> 00:11:05,722
That's it.

292
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:07,457
No more hotboxing of any kind
in my car, all right?

293
00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:10,059
Do you understand?

This is my Volvo. My rules.

294
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,529
- Why aren't we moving?
- Chill out, Ders.

295
00:11:12,596 --> 00:11:14,697
What's a duah checkpoint?

296
00:11:14,765 --> 00:11:16,533
Oh, no, that is a D.U.I. checkpoint.

297
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,700
- What?
- We're cool.

298
00:11:17,768 --> 00:11:19,502
Just eat a penny.
Suck on a penny.

299

00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:24,174

[Groaning]

300
00:11:24,241 --> 00:11:25,542
This isn't cool.
They don't like this.

301
00:11:25,609 --> 00:11:29,179
I'll tell you that.
Wait. Bradley.

302
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:35,084
- Oh, jeez!
- What the heck?

303
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,920
- Bradley's in the trunk.
- I don't know what happened.

304
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,655
Everything turned white.

305
00:11:38,722 --> 00:11:41,124
[Police radio chatter]

306
00:11:41,192 --> 00:11:44,527
Oh, man, Alice
is gonna murder/fire us.

307
00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:46,963
Not unless we murder/suicide
each other first.

308
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:49,365
Let's murder/suicide each other.
No. We can't do that.

309
00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:50,900
We've discussed this.
I can't kill you guys.

310

00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:52,368

I love you way too much.

311
00:11:52,436 --> 00:11:53,603
Guys, I'm going to get arrested

312
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,038
when they find a <i>body</i>
in my trunk.

313
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,039
Body and drugs.

314
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:57,173
Seriously, man,

315
00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,474
thank you for taking the rap
for us.

316

00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:00,076

We're gonna conjugally
visit you in prison.

317
00:12:00,144 --> 00:12:02,178
No, no, no.
Nobody's going to jail.

318
00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:03,713
Whenever I'm in a bad situation,

319
00:12:03,781 --> 00:12:06,549
I call the smartest guy
I know, Carl.

320
00:12:06,617 --> 00:12:09,319
- The drug dealer.
- The human genius.

321
00:12:09,386 --> 00:12:11,421
- He's the smartest guy ever.

- Yeah.

322
00:12:11,488 --> 00:12:13,690
Eccentrically he wears
two different colored shoes.

323
00:12:13,757 --> 00:12:14,891
- Socks.
- Really?

324
00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:17,393
- Yeah.
- That's smart.

325
00:12:17,461 --> 00:12:19,562
All right, soldiers,
here's how it's gonna go down.

326
00:12:19,630 --> 00:12:21,497
Two-man teams of two.

327
00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:24,634
Blake, you and Ders are our men
inside infiltrating.

328
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,236
Me and da man,
we'll hang back here in HQ

329
00:12:26,303 --> 00:12:27,403
acting as backup.

330
00:12:27,471 --> 00:12:30,039
Yeah, HQ! Team HQ.

331
00:12:30,107 --> 00:12:31,107
HQ "Headquarters"?

332
00:12:31,175 --> 00:12:33,243
This is a filthy, creepy van

333
00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:35,812
that someone wrote "rape"
on the side of.

334
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,280
I wrote that.

335
00:12:37,348 --> 00:12:39,082
The van doesn't have any locks
and the word "rape"

336
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,316
keeps all the weirdoes away, bro.

337
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:43,386
- Oh, good idea.
- The human genius.

338
00:12:43,454 --> 00:12:44,621
It's not genius.

It isn't genius.

339
00:12:44,688 --> 00:12:46,256
You don't have
any formal education.

340
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:47,957
At least I'm wearing camel flage.

341
00:12:48,025 --> 00:12:50,493
- "Camel flage"?
- Camel flage.

342
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,895
The only reason I'm not
totally onboard right now

343
00:12:52,963 --> 00:12:54,464
is that Ders is breaking
and entering

344
00:12:54,531 --> 00:12:55,865
when I should be doing that

345
00:12:55,933 --> 00:12:57,233
'cause I have-I'm the most courageous.

346
00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:58,601
I'm like the cowardly lion.

347
00:12:58,669 --> 00:13:00,503
- He had a lot of courage.
- But opposite of that.

348
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:03,072
He's right. I'm not
the breaking and entering type.

349
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,708
Ders, look into my eye.

My good eye.

350
00:13:05,776 --> 00:13:07,210
Wh--I don't know which one's
the good eye.

351
00:13:07,278 --> 00:13:09,012
This one, bro.
The wonky one.

352
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,446
It makes its own rules, dude.

353
00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:12,649
Look how wonky it is!
It's wonky!

354
00:13:12,716 --> 00:13:14,951
I'm running this mission
and I need you in there.

355
00:13:15,019 --> 00:13:16,185
Give me this.

356
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,453
Now, we're gonna be on Channel 7

357
00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:18,921
so please keep the chatter
to a minimum.

358
00:13:18,989 --> 00:13:21,591
- Okay, we get it.
- Do you get it, bro?

359
00:13:21,659 --> 00:13:23,293
Me and Blake were in Iraq.

360
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,028
That was Quebec, dude.

361
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,896
- Was it?
- Okay.

362
00:13:26,964 --> 00:13:28,598
I'm gonna go get my car back.
Thank you.

363
00:13:28,666 --> 00:13:29,932
It's all right.
We got this handled.

364
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,134
- Yeah.
- Come on, Ders!

365
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,136
Quebec, Iraq,
it's all the same thing.

366

00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:34,937

Have fun, guys!
Be safe!

367
00:13:35,005 --> 00:13:37,206
Oh, man, what are we
gonna do for backup?

368
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,442
Surveillance?
Little recon action?

369
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:44,280
- No, dude, backup vocals.
- Oh. Duh duh duh

370
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:45,848
I hope you realize
by cutting that lock

371
00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:47,417

you're adding eight years

to our sentence.

372
00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:49,952
Where would they put
a super old Volvo?

373
00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,421
They'd probably put it
by the front

374
00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:52,588
because it'd get them business.

375
00:13:52,656 --> 00:13:55,825
- It's a classic.
- Come on.

376
00:13:55,893 --> 00:13:57,060
[Dog barking]

377
00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:00,596
Um, Ders, it's a dog.
There's a dog.

378
00:14:00,664 --> 00:14:02,498
Adam, we got a dog.
There's a dog problem.

379
00:14:02,566 --> 00:14:04,467
Adam?
Adam, we got a dog problem.

380
00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:06,202
Adam, Adam, are you there?
Adam, come in.

381
00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,638
It's a concept album
about a dude who goes to space

382

00:14:08,706 --> 00:14:12,342

- and bangs an alien.
- [Coughs] Oh.

383
00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:13,609
It's beautiful, dude.

384
00:14:13,677 --> 00:14:15,678
[Dog barking]

385
00:14:15,746 --> 00:14:19,449
Hey, give me one of those
Luna Bars that you always have.

386
00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:23,286
- Come on. I know you have one.
- I don't always have one.

387
00:14:23,354 --> 00:14:27,190
[Dog barking]

388
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:31,027
- Go. Go.
- [Whimpering]

389
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:39,869
[Whispers]
B-Rad, it's us, dude.

390
00:14:39,937 --> 00:14:43,005
- Um, this seems bad.
- No, it doesn't.

391
00:14:43,073 --> 00:14:45,375
- What? How?
- Oh, you said "bad."

392
00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:47,043
I thought you said
"This seems Brad."

393

00:14:47,111 --> 00:14:50,079

- No. <i>Bad.</i>
- Yeah. This is bad.

394
00:14:58,675 --> 00:15:02,511
We're banging aliens tonight

395
00:15:02,579 --> 00:15:06,382
'cause we're sad and lonely, yeah

396
00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:10,419
Both: we're banging aliens tonight

397
00:15:10,487 --> 00:15:13,922
'cause I'm a little bit horny

398
00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:17,893
Ow! God damn it!

399
00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:21,196

You guys realize you parked

in a clearly marked

400
00:15:21,264 --> 00:15:25,301
tow-away zone
outside of a tow yard?

401
00:15:25,368 --> 00:15:27,703
Yeah, we know that, dude,
'cause we're crazy like that.

402
00:15:27,771 --> 00:15:30,105
We're a couple of crazies.
It's two versus one.

403
00:15:30,173 --> 00:15:33,309
You want some of this, bro?
Carl, get him!

404
00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:35,244
- I'm sorry, Adam.

- He's running.

405
00:15:35,312 --> 00:15:37,179
He's just hoofin' it.
That's cool.

406
00:15:37,247 --> 00:15:38,981
Good friend of mine.
Real close buddy of mine.

407
00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:43,152
- [Radio] Adam. Adam.
- Oh, yeah. Cool.

408
00:15:43,219 --> 00:15:47,256
What, is this made of dirt?
[Laughs] Just joshin' ya.

409
00:15:47,324 --> 00:15:48,857
It's not made-It's denim.

410
00:15:48,925 --> 00:15:52,194
And, quite frankly,
it looks good on you.

411
00:15:52,262 --> 00:15:54,563
- Yeah. Okay.
- Let's go for a walk.

412
00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:57,366
- Okeydoke.
- Hey. Hello.

413
00:15:57,434 --> 00:16:00,803
- Where are you?
- We're in the car.

414
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:04,306
- Which car?
- What? We're in the Volvo!

415
00:16:04,374 --> 00:16:06,709
- Are you high?
- Oh, man, I bet they are.

416
00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,210
HQ sounds so fun.

417
00:16:08,278 --> 00:16:11,480
[Whining]
I want to be there so bad.

418
00:16:11,548 --> 00:16:14,450
[Knocks on window]

419
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:16,819
Y'all broke in here
to steal this turd?

420
00:16:16,886 --> 00:16:19,822
"Turd"? With regularly

scheduled maintenance,

421
00:16:19,889 --> 00:16:21,724
this Volvo will run forever.

422
00:16:21,791 --> 00:16:25,994
Hey!
You're in my world now.

423
00:16:26,062 --> 00:16:28,464
And it is just such a lovely
world you got here.

424
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:30,032
Now, see, you think
you can break in here

425
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:32,067
and there's no consequences,
right?

426
00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:34,503
Yeah. That's what we
were going for.

427
00:16:34,571 --> 00:16:38,006
You know, if this were
actually a free country,

428
00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:40,709
[whispers] I'd be getting
real weird with you right now.

429
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:43,011
[Whispers] It's already
very weird, sir.

430
00:16:43,079 --> 00:16:47,216
But because of Obama,
I can't even shoot your ass

431

00:16:47,283 --> 00:16:48,384

without getting arrested.

432
00:16:48,451 --> 00:16:50,285
Well, bust this. Bam.

433
00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:55,424
Obama can't take away
my lightsaber.

434
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,893
[Whisper] Why does everybody
have one of those except me?

435
00:16:57,961 --> 00:17:02,798
This is going inside your tight,

436
00:17:02,866 --> 00:17:07,002
moist, little doo-doo puss.

437

00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:08,904

Hold it right there!

438
00:17:08,972 --> 00:17:12,307
This vehicle is part
of a police investigation!

439
00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:13,942
Oh, wait, you're a cop?

440
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:15,878
What, you don't think
<i>I</i> can be a cop?

441
00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:19,248
No, no, no. You see,
that's not what I meant.

442
00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:21,383
Good! I'll be taking
the car with me

443
00:17:21,451 --> 00:17:23,419
and these gentlemen.

444
00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:24,753
Okay, sir.

445
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:27,156
Thank you.
Thank you, officer.

446
00:17:27,223 --> 00:17:29,191
Don't make me come back here!

447
00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,093
Now, you see, I would never
do some [bleep] like that.

448
00:17:31,161 --> 00:17:32,828
You're my homeboy, man.

449
00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:35,431
I'm getting ready
to shoot up this bitch.

450
00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:39,101
I could feel that.

451
00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:42,471
Oh, crap. Go! Go! Go!

452
00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:43,806
Go! Go! Go! Go!

453
00:17:43,873 --> 00:17:45,174
I will find you!

454
00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:48,243
I promise I will find you,
bitches!

455
00:17:48,311 --> 00:17:51,213
[Cheers and laughter]

456
00:17:51,281 --> 00:17:52,381
- Man!
- Oh, my God.

457
00:17:52,449 --> 00:17:53,682
You totally had that guy fooled

458
00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:56,518
until, you know,
the pants got all sexy on you.

459
00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:58,687
B-Rad, you literally saved
my butthole's life, man.

460
00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:00,889

And it's never

gonna forget that, dude.

461
00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:02,357
Guys, it's, like,
4:00 in the morning.

462
00:18:02,425 --> 00:18:03,926
Alice is probably sitting
at home right now

463
00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:05,227
thinking of how she's going
to fire us.

464
00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:06,495
Oh, yeah.

465
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:09,231
She's probably hanging out
on the couch

466
00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:10,632
in the kimono thinking about me

467
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,067
doing some power squats.

468
00:18:12,135 --> 00:18:13,936
Dude, I'm right here.

469
00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:15,871
And I just got a text from her.

470
00:18:15,939 --> 00:18:18,874
She's leaving the office now.

471
00:18:18,942 --> 00:18:20,075
All right, boys,
it's time to put it

472
00:18:20,143 --> 00:18:21,243
into hyperdrive.

473
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:22,678
- Let's do this!
- Yeah!

474
00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:23,812
- Yeah!
- Come on!

475
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:24,980
Come on, Anders!
Move your ass!

476
00:18:25,048 --> 00:18:26,582
- Whoo!
- It's a light.

477
00:18:26,649 --> 00:18:27,749

Yeah.

478
00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:28,984
Soon as we're through this light.

479
00:18:29,052 --> 00:18:30,018
Sure.

480
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:40,469
[Elevator dings]

481
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,037
[Car alarm beeps off]

482
00:18:47,811 --> 00:18:51,447
I know a shortcut.
Left here! Right at the light!

483
00:18:51,514 --> 00:18:52,448
- Let's go.

- Go go.

484
00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:54,516
[Car horn blares]

485
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:01,991
Play artist Norah Jones.

486
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,994
Please repeat.

487
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,631
Play artist Norah Jones.

488
00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:09,932
Please repeat.

489
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,134
Okay, I pl--I play
the same [bleep] song

490
00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:13,135
every night.

491
00:19:13,203 --> 00:19:15,237
Norah [bleep] Jones.

492
00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:20,276
- Norah Jones.
- Thank you.

493
00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:22,945
Turn by the sign.
Now left.

494
00:19:23,013 --> 00:19:25,914
- We're almost there!
- Yeah, baby!

495
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:29,451

[Tires screeching]

496
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:35,491
I love the strokes of love

497
00:19:35,558 --> 00:19:37,893
painted up on your face

498
00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:39,128
Move it, man.

499
00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:41,797
Aye-yah-yah-yah-yah

500
00:19:41,865 --> 00:19:43,198
aye-yah-yah-yah-yah

501
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,501
[Car alarm beeps on]

502
00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:48,937
Pull over!
Pull over!

503
00:19:49,005 --> 00:19:50,172
We made it!

504
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,941
We thought you were taking us
to your house.

505
00:19:53,009 --> 00:19:57,079
Yeah. <i>My</i> house of pancakes.
I'm starving.

506
00:19:57,147 --> 00:19:58,714
Yeah, let's go inside.
Let's get pancakes.

507
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,783

Let's get some job applications

508
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,318
because we're going to be fired.

509
00:20:02,385 --> 00:20:03,986
I'm an adult.

510
00:20:04,054 --> 00:20:06,722
I can stay out as late as I want.

511
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,792
I will talk to Alice
and tell her the truth.

512
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:12,828
You guys showed me a great time.

513
00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:15,030
She won't be mad.

Trust me.

514
00:20:15,098 --> 00:20:17,266
Let's destroy some short stacks!

515
00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:18,734
All: Yeah.

516
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:21,503
And [bleep] chicks!

517
00:20:21,571 --> 00:20:23,105
Yeah, we'll do our best.
We'll try.

518
00:20:23,173 --> 00:20:24,940
- Yeah, definitely.
- It's difficult.

519
00:20:25,008 --> 00:20:27,710

- It's harder than you think.

- B-Rad in the house.

520
00:20:27,777 --> 00:20:30,479
- In the house of pancakes.
- Oh, yeah.

521
00:20:30,547 --> 00:20:33,716
- This is a good idea.
- Starving.

522
00:20:33,783 --> 00:20:35,317
This guy's gonna have
some sausage.

523
00:20:35,385 --> 00:20:36,948
I can tell.

524
00:20:36,949 --> 00:20:47,149
<font color="#ec14bd">Sync by honeybunny</font>
<font color="#ec14bd">www.addic7ed.com</font>