1:07 pm, 8/19/2009, Wednesday, 6 Ahau/Light, Lord, Sun Mayan calendar day

LADY TRUTH SPEAKS or NO MORE INCARNATIONS !

I may be growing closer to an Indian embodiment. As I listen to Paramahansaji’s autobiography

(Autobiography of a Yogi), I wept, yet again, at the news of the passing of Sri Yukteshwar, his
teacher. I could tell he had been/is my Guru in that life. I allowed in the feelings from the
experience, mercifully allowing them expression in my now.

Ah, love for the Guru takes so many, varied forms; this one, so common, but nonetheless
poignant.

I am grateful, too, for the increased clarity of recent days. I am able, when these feelings
come up--for there are many others, though milder--to simply realize and recall that I am
whole, lacking nothing, and that these are merely experiences from a lifetime complementary
to my “reading,” (audiobook) rising up into awareness. I am grateful.

2:44 pm, same day

Okay, having just heard Paramahansaji [Yogananda] tell of the visit of the resurrected Sri Yukteshwar,
and the long teaching received in his Bombay hotel room with the Master regarding his resurrected
state, and the astral and causal levels, I come here to ‘meditate’ on desire. I am thus reminded of what I
knew, which is that it is desire(s) that cause us to keep reincarnating, whether ‘astrally’ or physically.

So, what are my True desires. While this very question, regarding my heart’s deepest
desires, forms a part of my regular morning devotions and meditations, I desire to look at it
here, afresh. The general desires of the incarnation are what come to me during the morning
meditations. Yet, I want to look deeper, here.

For this incarnation, it is difficult to find desires, within. Though that may sound ridiculous, yet
it is so. I do not care much for food, and eat only – well, largely – of necessity. I do not eat
out. A mate? No, not really. I would not turn it down, should my Path lead that way, but all I
am aware of desiring is companionship of light; that is all. This does not mandate a mate.

Wealth? Not at all. Though I have, in morning devotions, several items focused toward
precipitation of both gold and cash, this ‘desire’ had to be ginned up. I do not fool with the
Law of Attraction because I just don’t desire the wealth.

In order to come up with sufficient desire for money, I had to encase it in terms of that which was
desired that requires money, i.e., the travel to sacred sites, workshops, and some necessary
body work for healing. Since these take money, then money I must have. For itself, however,
or for other things it could buy, I do not desire it. We don’t own things—our things own us.

Not that I do not appreciate beautiful things, of course. Gems and artwork and lovely, quality
garments are a pleasure; but they are just things. There is no spirituality inherent in them.
One can as well appreciate them on others, or in others’ possession, as own them. Owning
things, in general, is a pain. I do not appreciate it. Yes, a large part of me says, “Give me my
mountain cave, and leave me alone.”

Okay, so once I discovered that visiting the sacred sites would enable initiation, would assist
in the DNA coding and development of my bodily vehicles, I developed, then and there, the
desire to visit the sacred sites. I also have reverence for the work of Patricia Cori, and deeply
desire, for pretty much the same reasons, to attend her adventures and DNA workshops—the
DNA workshops being slightly more important.

The reason, as I said, is the same: to get Home the more quickly (in consciousness), but
more so, to get past the necessary “me” stage of my earthly journey, i.e., to attain sufficient
self-realization and to have the body’s DNA restructured and restored. Then I may finally
focus more entirely on the “others” stage of service to life. Currently, my service is largely in
the radiation of my consciousness across the ethers. I know that it serves, and does help, but
I would do more.

Yes, I know, there is much illusion surrounding any desire for a “doing” of any kind. Perhaps
it is in some measure a delusion that pulls me this way. Nonetheless, I desire to serve, and to
serve wisely and well, to really make a difference for people.

I bear an intense desire to be the very highest, most aligned, light controlled being possible,
and from that point or perspective, to leave the rest to God, to inner guidance and intuition,
what to do, where, how, and all of that. I have no further vision of it, but to perfect my
vehicles as greatly as possible to enable the flow and transmission of light to and through
them, and then to turn the whole affair over to God. We shall see.

Okay, so under the above-elucidated desire fall the desires to visit sacred sites, sacred crop
circles, DNA activation workshops with Patricia Cori, ME workshops with Richard Bartlett, and
to get body work done to clear memories and blockages, to align, and get full light flow
throughout the vehicles and consciousness. All of these are in my affirmations.

What else? There is something about crystals, and particularly about the light of the rainbow
that plays through them onto any surface. I actually hunger to gaze upon these, their brilliant
and bright colors and intensity an actual food for the soul. I can gaze upon them for long,
thoughtless periods, simply absorbing them...or something.

Though I do not understand this, it is clearly a definite desire: to get as much as I can of
crystal-produced rainbow displays, as bright and intense as possible. No thought to that one.
It is just a visceral desire. It simply feels good; actually, it goes beyond that, for it actually
seems to feed or nurture some inner part; what, I don’t know. I do not care. It simply is.
(Thank Source for the no-mind!)

What other desires can I find, within? I have long held a small or maybe moderate desire to
go to Scotland, to Europe, in the hope of precipitating some past-life recall in visiting lands far
more anciently inhabited than America. Though this is no strong desire, and I have never
made any plans around it, I am seeking them all out, here, and this is one.

What else?I have no desire to rule, to have earthly power. I feel no need to control another. I
do enjoy driving a solid, well made, Japanese car, it is true; for safety and sensibility, more
than anything. I have always enjoyed driving, for somehow it seems to connect me with my
spirit. I often pray and meditate deeply while driving. So, there is a mild to moderate desire
for a Lexus, which fits the bill; a used one, not a new one, for practicality’s sake. No need for
flash or ostentation.

What else? Okay, learning, in the past, has been somewhat of a downfall for me. What do I
mean by that? Only that it took me long in the discovering that the mind is not at all the way
to my desired destination. I used up quite a lot of years on that journey, no doubt through
many, many lifetimes. I only just got it in this lifetime, within the last 15 years or so.

Still, that does not mean I have no more desire to learn, so let’s look at that. What is acting
there? Is this the type of desire that could bring me back into some form of incarnation? I
doubt it, but let’s see.

I doubt it because that which I desire to learn and know are God’s mysteries. How can man
teach me that? What earthly school can deliver such a profound course of study? I am not
aware of one. I am not aware of any course of education on Terra that I would register to
attend. It is not my mind I desire to develop or explore.

Okay, then what? It is my soul who, just as she gains sustenance from gazing on a brightly lit
rainbow flashing onto the wall, delights in discovering and uncovering the many, manifold,
multitudinous and majestic mysteries of Prime Creator.

Ah, uh oh. I think I have uncovered something that may pull me into a series of possible
astral incarnations. I don’t know. You see, I could learn from a bird, a tree, a triangle, or any
aspect of God’s creation. Math is inherently divine, especially geometry, when it comes to the
creation.

Yet, I do not desire to undertake any mental course of study on any of these things. No, it is a
different sort of learning I desire, the kind where the soul just absorbs the awesome beauty of
this or that aspect of creation, and is tutored from within. This cannot be got, as far as I can
see, from any earthly incarnation. Still, I don’t know. Terra is not the only planet.

Oh, darn! Yes, I see that I must further expand my vision, to look at the self in its entirety.
Thus, I must not limit myself, foolishly, to only this one, dear planet, nor to this one dimension,
the 3rd. Darn!

Oh, I could just cry! I was sooooo hoping I would not find reason, i.e., desire, within, able to
pull me into further physical incarnating. It is not what I desire. Okay, bravery is called for.
Onward!

There are probably other planets upon which I could take form of some sort and pursue this
desire to learn, to be ever pursuing the wonders and amazement of God’s creation. Oh, this
is terrible! One cannot ever get to the end of God’s creation. This means I could potentially
be condemning myself to be incarnating forever! Yikes!! Please, let it not be so!

Argh!. Okay, calmness. Truth, that is what is called for. Truth. Lady Truth, what have You to
say? Can You please offer some guidance in this matter? *

Yes, child, I can. Do not fear. There is no being of any sort, anywhere, who is enlightened in
the slightest, who does not delight in and desire to continually see and grow with the ever
widening vista of the wealth and beauty of God’s creation. It is built in to the creatures, one
and all. So rest easy on that score.

But, dear Lady, will this desire to learn and grow this way pull me back into any kind of gross,
physical incarnating? I would that it not be so.

Dear child, be at peace. No, it need not be so. You are experiencing the natural joyousness
of the soul in the creation, Theresa. This is not call to gross, physical life.

Ah, thank you. This is great comfort, for I would look Truth squarely in the eye on this, and
not at all hide from anything. Do You see anything within me that You would like to point out?

Yes, Theresa, I do. You are naturally very swift to learn. This is a requisite necessity for
many services that God, the Lord, would have you to provide. He would provide them
through you, do you see?

What you are feeling is the very Lord, Herself, within you, desiring to serve, to give service, to
love and be loved. Rest in this, child. Not all desires are wrong, or bad in any way. Do you
see?

Oh my, yes! Oh, I am so grateful. How amazing! Yes, thank you. I had about condemned
desire of any kind to the trash can. You have rescued them. Thank you so much, dear,
revered Lady Truth. I love You, as You know.

Yes, dear, I do. You are dearly beloved, dear Theresa. Rest in that. Experience a little of it,
please. It would do you good.

I will. Thank you.

4:10 pm, same day

Ah, the most beautiful, lovely afternoon storm just came up. My spirit exulted intensely in it,
overflowing with true, elemental delight. I was rendered speechless by it, and went outside,
thinking to get right out into it, even though dressed only in panties. Ho ho, however, for the
rain was quite cold, though the day was hot...So, instead, I contented myself with standing
just outside the glass patio doors, under the overhang, for my participation in it.

As I saw the clouds darkening the skies, initially, I went and put my main crystal point on the
window sill, as I had read Patricia Cori advise, sitting atop the Sirian Seal I usually wear about
the neck. I sat it there, along with all the other natural, Arkansas crystals I could gather up
right away...along with my amethyst points and even the large amethyst cluster.

I called upon the elementals to really kick it up, and to bring their abundant blessings to the
crystals; to these, and all crystals, everywhere. It was a most heart-felt call.

And they did. Though not of long duration, it thundered and blew and noised about quite
nicely, and I exulted in the swaying tops of the tall trees all about. Oh, such deep, visceral
delight! Unto wordlessness it took me...and that is not so easy.
So, my grateful thanks I sent, out the window, to all elemental life, and you know, it almost seemed I
could hear the “You are welcome” in reply; really. :-D

* I don’t know what made me address a being, i.e., Lady Truth, whom I neither know nor even know
of, lol. That’s just what came out of my mouth--well, my fingertips--as I journaled. It was quite
surprising to me, I can tell you.

But the thing is, surprising things are just part of what seems to be the “new reality” for me.
One learns to take them in stride, and the best experiences are had by just going with the
flow...wherever it leads. ;-)