IDEAS OF CONVENTIONAL AND TANTRIC COUPLES

Conventional Couples

Tantric Couples

Closed to others (monogamous)

Open to others (poly-amorous)

The couple motivations are not clarified.

For most of the times, the couple follows a
standard pattern established by others,
not by self-inner standards. It prefers
security, stability and transformation is
avoided. Individual evolution is very
slow. Everybody tries hard to be
according the other one's image of
him/her; he/she is not acting in a freeway.
He/she does not do what he/she feels.

It clearly sets up the spiritual purpose, the

mutual recognition of the others freedom.
Both lovers honestly and openly express what
they are, what they want and what are their
targets like true friends from whom you hide
nothing with an assurance that you will not be
judged. The freedoms are accepted, there is no
jealousy, and this is the reason why the
individual evolution is very fast.

Doubt

Trust

Closed to others means loss of confidence

in self and partner. You feel dependent.
You need the approval of the other for
your values.

Open to others makes each of the lovers aware

of their independence. You do not try to
change the other, but accept as is. You help
him/her by your own presence.

Competition

Understanding

Fight for powers (who gives orders?) and Each lover has the same "rank", the same
authority, conflicts of parts. Own interest responsibilities. Each respects the others
comes first. The ego has the power.
"space" and desire to be together or left alone.
You are here to help the other one to advance.

Dependency

Freedom

You want to impose your point of view. Each is self-sufficient, not dependent on the
You are afraid of being abandoned. You other one. The love confers safety. Each lover is
feel alone and unfulfilled.
open to the other's desire for spiritual
evolution. There is a good understanding of
the "tools" used for spiritual growth, (spiritual
practice, spare time, travels, etc.). This gives
spontaneity and harmony.

Conditional

Unconditional

Dependency
provokes
conditional
exchanges. The relations are led by rules,
contract, and compulsions. Relationship is
the idea; you offer something in return for
get something. The attitudes are
premeditated and manipulative.

Rules are tolerance, detachment, and letting go.

There is no longer the case of domination or
possessiveness. They spontaneously explore
together the joyful adventure of the aware
evolution in two. Happiness, mutual
confidence, harmony.

Boredom

Creativity

The lovers create rules because they don't

enjoy any more spending the time
together. They enter in a routine that
destroys the inventiveness. Each of them
begins to think that the other one is the
cause of unhappiness. Partners become
defensive against each other.

The lovers keep playing the loving games.

This generates good mood. Spontaneity,
inspiration, amusement. Spontaneous change
of parts and duties. There are invented new
ways to express love. You feel really good and
happy together, free to open up deepest desires
to the partner without fear of insults and
abandoned.

Insecurity

Security

You have the feeling that something is

missing, you do not exactly know what is
it, and you have feelings of fear,
instability and culpability. You avoid the
other one or you reproach him (her) a
certain behavior that upsets you. You
want to divorce to find out a solution for
the problem and to find more stability.

The profound love makes the stability feeling

to appear. It can appear the wish of having a
family, not because the lovers are afraid of
losing one another, but in order to fulfill their
spiritual purpose. The spiritual merging of the
two lovers and many lovers makes the lovers
secure.

Sensation of couple failure

Perfect love for all

The impotence of changing the flow of

events. Each lover begins to undervalue
one another. It appears as resentment, and
unbalance. Desperateness. You have the
feeling that is nothing you can do. You see
no way to bring back the harmony in the
couple.

The mutual devotion awakes the divine

essence in both lovers. Freedom to let in lovers
from outside comes from the idea that
partners pleasure is also your pleasure. You
exist for loving all. The love becomes cosmic so
that you feel that all are making love to
God/dess.