The Pain is disguised

was going on. It was a power so great that I would have kept
perusing even in the face of death.

1.

My respect for Meth and the potential it carries is

incomprehensible. This addiction is unlike anything
imaginable and must be distinguished from the addictions of
other drugs. The way that this addiction can overpower
someone, hidden without any warnings or signs while
engulfing them with its rapid triumph is indescribable. It
happened to me and was unlike anything I've ever dreamed
of. It does this in a way where the victim is unaware of and
has no defense capability whatsoever. By filling you pride,
well-being, happiness, determination, and a huge self-esteem
that the person is willing to protect by all means more than
ever before. Mainly this is what meth has attacked you with.
While you are feeling better then ever before, not realizing
that you actually falling, and in a sense becoming a different
person, with a different personality, a whole new character,
while the true you is still present, but being locked up behind
a barrier that prevents any and all of your former morals,
personalities, and beliefs from playing any roles within this
new person. Like a glass wall leaving you at times able to see
thru and sometimes feel from what you used to be, but never
able to penetrate. It's when you have your first experience
with the feelings of your former self, which rarely happens,
and for some, may never happen, that you first realize you
are addicted. By that time, my friends, it is too late! Since
whatever you may have experienced is so brief and is quickly
attacked and taken down by your new character's protected
self-esteem in a fast, unnoticeable, and happily acceptable
way, you are left with something that you have already
forgotten. Soon after it all becomes just another example of
how extremely well your new personality can protect itself
from any threats to the truth, the fact that you are under
control of this power called crystal. All advice, care,
suggestions, or observations from other people will be denied
and angrily refused because of this entirely different person
that you have became and are totally unaware of. This is why
people that are actively using the drug are more or less
helpless, they are a robot being controlled by crystal and they
hold a shield that will prevent any person from coming close
to them and that keeps outside help far away since the person
filled with false security and are 200% convinced that nothing
at all is wrong.

Methamphetamine is a very powerful drug and is sooooo

dangerous because it only takes one time to become
addicted. The reason for this is not a simple one because it
has many tricks up it's sleeve. The first one (which it does
right from the get go) is making you feel like it has improved
you and your whole life immensely. It has you believing that
you are a much better person than you were before taking it.
It makes you feel happy and you enjoy doing everything, and
life is grand. For some people, it takes a little longer to be
convinced and then others won't be convinced at all - but not
many.
Trick number two will be convincing you that you don't need
anyone or anything else but it. Nothing is more important
than it. It will very quietly sneak up behind you and start
manipulating situations so you start spending more and more
time doing things for it. At the same time, without you
realizing what's happening, it starts to alienate you from your
friends and family. There is no room for them in your new and
improved life nor do you have the time to really worry about
it. You'll be so preoccupied and detached from your feelings
that you'll even be somewhat glad that everyone you know is
staying away from you. At least you won't have to deal with
them for awhile.
Now you are no longer in control and still believe that you
could quit doing it at any given time. There is no connection
between it and the fact that you've lost your job or the reason
you've broke up with your loved one. It's not the reason why
your friends are trippin and don't call or come by any more.
By now, your body has also become dependant on it so when
you do try to stop doing it, you can't because your body is
unable to function. Before you know it, you'll need it just to
just get through the day. And since your body is not
functioning properly, neither is your mind and pretty soon,
nothing will make you feel good or even semi-normal. The
little things in life like taking your kids to school, mowing the
lawn, calling a friend or relative, won't bring you pleasure
anymore. Nothing will until you get off the dope and until
you've given your body enough time to heal. This takes an
average of 1- 3 years from the time you stop.
2.
February 11, 2002
Hi, it's been since Feb of last year since I've last used this
board. I have wrote something that I found everyone that has
used meth before agrees with it. It's actually bit and pieces
taken out from a much larger thing that I wrote. If anyone
disagrees with it, then please reply with a reason. Thanks and
stay away from the dope.
Meth, every time I hear that word, I'm instantly overwhelmed
with a surge of old memory's and thoughts from my past. It's
nearly impossible to overcome the horrid and loved images,
events, and times that seem to have been the building blocks
of what has become of me, who I am today. About eight years
of my life, mostly my teenage years, had been more or less
destroyed, leaving me now with a bunch of complicated
mysteries and questions about how and who I became. Many
of my thoughts still seem to contradict each other. It's now
been about four years since I last used but I'm still faced with
many opposing feelings that seem to never go away. It's like a
battle within pertaining to something that I had once loved
more than anything including myself, my family, my children,
career, friends, and altogether my entire life. So now that I'm
not using this drug anymore, why does is still affect me and
how did this drug do such a damn good job at covering up or
preventing me from experiencing or better yet realizing what

For me to try and successfully go further into the details of

methamphetamine addiction would be a waste of my and it
probably would never end. There are certain things in life that
are impossible for a person who has never experienced them,
to be able understand and comprehend what they're being
told, no matter how good it's described. There really is not
anything I can think of that would give a person even a slim
idea of what my life has been thru or what it would be like to
be in this situation and is one thing that can't be judged since
there's absolutely no way of putting yourself into that life. It's
like a real fantasy, a fatal one, that seems to have magically
possessed me and has left me in a long, intense, slow and
f**king LOVED process of dieing!!!
-- XinteriX -3.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Date Posted: 15:50:51 01/31/02 Thu
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------"" Methamphetamine: A potent high that kills your brain cells
Dan Egan
Post Register

To understand how methamphetamine works on the brain is to

understand a cruel joke.
At low doses the drug can block hunger, focus attention,
steady the heart and boost endurance.
That's why virtually every major military power this century
has tried giving methamphetamine or amphetamines to its
soldiers in battle.
But try to tell a battle-weary soldier not to take too much of a
good thing.
"They ended up with troops confused, making bad decisions
and going psychotic," said
psychiatrist Mark Broadhead."That was a stupid mistake."

function now, but what happens to me when I'm 65 - I'm

looking like I've got chronic schizophrenia."
Broadhead pointed out that amphetamines in low doses are
considered safe by physicians, and are still prescribed for
children with Attention Deficit Disorder.
But it's not uncommon for illegal users take doses so strong
they would kill a normal person.
Broadhead recognizes drug and alcohol use is a common rite
of passage for adolescents. As a physician he doesn't
differentiate between what's legal or illegal, but he does say
kids who grow up with crank are taking a bigger gamble.

And so it goes today in virtually every neighborhood.

Every day there are desperate people making the same
mistake: smoking, snorting and injecting
high doses of a drug that briefly makes the body feel good,
but kills the the brain along the way.
Methamphetamine works like this: it sends a message to brain
cells to fire more dopamine, a feel-good chemical that is also
critical to normal brain functioning.
Hours after it's ingested, cell receptors begin to turn off to
slow
the
flow
of
dopamine,
and
here's
where
methamphetamine differs from other stimulants, such as
cocaine.

"Philosophically, I see no difference between alcohol and

methamphetamine, but to me it's the difference between
playing mumblety-peg or Russian roulette." "

While other stimulants allow brain cells to capture and

repackage the dopamine, methamphetamine doesn't. The
brain cells respond by releasing an enzyme to knock out the
extra dopamine. With repeated use, those enzymes eventually
kill the dopamine cell, and that leads to a chemical change in
the way your brain works.

Meth, as terrible as it is - makes the user feel good.

Not just good, but super. It gives confidence, happiness, selfassurance, pleasure and more. Everything is interesting - too
interesting, hence the tweaking. Hope and joy are brought to
such high levels. Anything, every action, evry activity, is just
so much fun. It feels so wonderful to just be in existence. Then
the sex part, another life entirely.

"Ever heard of Parkinson's Disease?" asks Broadhead."That's

what you look like.
"You lose things like motivation, you become apathetic. You
eventually lose interest in pleasurable things ... If you liked to
go fishing, well, fishing just doesn't excite you anymore."
This methampetamine-induced brain damage has been
proven in animals, but no humans have ever been tested
because it would require dissection of the brain.
"It's neuro-toxic, and the other (stimulants) aren't," said
Broadhead.
And even as the drug's doing its damage, the brain begins to
crave more as it becomes better at shutting off its effects.
"It's kind of like listening to loud music. After a while, it
doesn't seem so loud," said Broadhead.
"You need a hell of a lot more of the drug to maintain the
high."
Abusers follow a classic pattern of consuming more and more
of the drug before something happens like a car accident,
arrest or family fight that scares them into quitting, but it
doesn't last.
"Most addicts don't constantly use," said Broadhead."It's not
the fact that you can't quit. It's the fact that you can't stay
quit ... You get back into it and it's off to the races."
Doctors aren't sure why, but one-third of heavy users will
develop bizarre, paranoid behavior and suffer hallucinations
and voices in the mind that are "as real as real gets," said
Broadhead.
Individuals who seek treatment have a rough time kicking the
drug, and can still suffer from psychosis for up to a half-year.
Cravings, irritability, nightmares and depression are also
common for months after someone goes cold turkey. The
cravings eventually wane but sometimes the damage is
irreparable but won't show for years.
"This is one of my big worries, it really is," Broadhead said."As
we get older, we lose neurons.
Let's say between the age of 16 and 23, I did a lot of meth
and then I stopped. Still, I knocked out 30 percent of my
dopamine neurons. I might still have enough dopamine to

4.
03-20-02
The pain is horrid, The life of degradation is tragic.
But that is how normal people see it. The addict doesn't see
anything from a normal perspective. I'll tell ya how it felt for
me and perhaps others will do the same.

Within a short period, perhaps a month or two, THE ADDICT

realizes how terrible life is without meth and how wonderful it
is when doing meth. It doesn't take much to decide that
feeling good is preferable to feeling terrible. Many of us got to
the point of choosing meth over everything else, including life.
The brain of the addict says, "I'd much rather die than live in
the hurt and pain I feel without my speed."
The only way that will change, is when the user recognizes
the meth lie, and decides for himself to quit. He won't do it for
money, spouse, parents, children, lovers, fame, career,
reputation, morals, values, or anything else.
Is this too harsh sounding?
I guarantee that the meth addict can take this message and
multiply it a dozen times and not think twice about doing his
next hit.
Sfj

The meth relationship pt.1 (to non-users)

Posted by: Reason - 2/24/2004 (5:19 a.m.)

While reading the messages here I regularly see posts from
people who have not used meth, but know someone who
does, typically a relative or friend. Often they are looking for
information about the nature of a users relationship with
meth, their empathy stymied by a lack of knowledge. In this
post I will explain best I can the psychology of meth usage. I
want to get a little deeper than blanket attributes, and
hopefully provide some little windows into the personal,
internal side of addiction to this particular drug. I am not a
psychologist or a doctor.

This is not a diagnosis, only my opinions. Nothing should

automatically be accepted as accurate or as describing any
specific person, and everything is for information purposes
only. I haven't planned this out, so excuse my wandering. This
is written for the meth non-user, and I want you to please
really think hard about the points I raise, if you can make
sense of any of them. I'm trying to only examine the more
profound aspects. Imagine the implications, and the possible
influences on the mind and behavior. Imagine if you were the
person I was describing. The user I describe here has an
active professional and personal life, and a healthy number of
interests and hobbies. Over time, meth has become more
regular and frequent. While this does not represent all users,
it might represent anyone with responsibilities and
destinations that finds to their surprise that meth has much
more significance than before, and difficult to do--to even
consider doing--without.
A significant aspect of meth usage crucial to understanding
the user is that over time, it becomes part of ones
fundamental lifestyle. By that I mean so much a part of daily
life that decisions of whether or not to use are mostly
nonexistent. It is the same of any lifestyle behavior. If healthy
eating is a cardinal value, few instances of pondering over
whether to buy groceries at 7-11 or at Health-Rite Organic
Foods will occur. Not many mental debates between DingDongs or a Soy Protein Shake for a snack. Our fundamental
lifestyle values operate automatically and thoroughly, shaping
our desires and actions on a subconscious level, freeing us to
focus on the particulars of life.
Long-time health nuts will not accidentally find themselves in
a McDonald's. Perhaps a more recent convert to healthy
eating would, because old habits fade, not blink off, and new
ways of thinking take time to soak in deep. In time habits
become fundamentally part of our character, enough to
influence a broad sphere of our life, and we seldom have to
think how to apply them; we just do.

Your confidence, fearlessness. Your desires, yearning. Anger,

rage.
So it's not a matter of "getting high" and grooving on that
high, it's a matter of recharging energy and then grooving on
your life. The meth effect is not a destination, it's an
acceleration. Which of course doesn't last forever, and of
course leaves you with less mental energy than you began
with, which means you gotta do a bit to get back to even, and
in that case why not a little more to perk up a little?
Do not wonder why the user is getting high all the time.
They're not. Just putting a little gas in the tank. Which is
another lifestyle function we do without barely thinking about
it, gassing our cars. Why, I've arrived home with a full tank
and not even realized I'd stopped at the station, it's so
automatic a routine. Eating is another autopilot routine. I
probably couldn't remember every single thing I ate yesterday
either, since I eat often and without question, deliberation or
particular fascination. This from habit, because I lack energy if
I don't eat, and my body gradually increases in discomfort
until I do...
... the same, which can be said for an interruption in meth
consumption. When it becomes an addiction, there is no
question about if to do it, only when. It serves such a basic
need that the question whether or not to do it arises about as
often as the question whether or not to brush your teeth in
the morning, or wear socks to work. Do not be surprised if
theft or some other moral compromise is committed to obtain
meth. The desire to feel at least OK with the world is far too
fundamental a need to be deterred by the passing guilt
resulting from immoral acts. Which brings me to my third
point: why is it so hard to quit? What does the body and mind
go through? What kind of issues does a user consider when
thinking about quitting? What are his options, alternatives,
and consequences?

Meth insinuates itself into the fabric of a life, and can do so

rather quickly. It may seem odd, that all the effort necessary
to purchase or acquire a drug and to regularly "get high"
could be almost subconscious in nature, but that's the second
thing I want you to realize: the meth user is not "getting high"
in the way smoking grass gets you stoned, or alcohol, drunk,
or LSD, tripping. Sure, its effects can be used recreationally in
order to augment some occasion, in the same way LSD might
be taken before seeing the Lord of the Rings trilogy (in your
theatre of course). But that's not the kind of usage I'm
referring to here. I'm talking the regular, habitual user.

The reason why it becomes part of a lifestyle is not the same

reason it was taken in the first place. Initially, doing it was an
upper. Eventually, simply not doing it, is a downer.

As an observer, to consider their meth fix as the means to a

temporary high, like something to do at Friday night's party, is
to completely misunderstand the nature and effect of this
drug. The meth high is not an entity in and of itself, like the
alcohol high is. The liquor buzz can be felt forming. Inside,
increasing and expanding up and out through your body until
it spreads to your surroundings and the walls are bright, and
you in the center of this aura, one with the buzz. Its enjoyable
there, and it better be -- you can't do much of anything else
BUT enjoy it, you're so incapacitated. And then it can be felt
weakening, and things are less shiny, until you re-up your
blood alcohol content, then it's back again and off you go.
Repeat as needed.

[Part
1
is
at
http://pub6.dreamtools.net/tools/messageview.mv?
view+kcimeth+26459+index]
This article is written for anyone personally unacquainted with
meth but familiar with a habitual user, and curious about the
dynamic between the two. It's impossible to comprehend by
observation alone, and the users themselves are unlikely to
be exactly forthcoming. But comprehension is what you need,
because every bit of understanding
will produce that much more opportunity to aide your friend in
need. I will attempt to explain some of the real essence of a
user's relationship with meth, and for your part, go slowly and
immerse yourself in the bits of life I present. Imagine they are
yours. Speculate on the emotional toll. Ponder the
implications. I'll deal with concepts
more than behavior, so adopt each one as true, then explore
the implications. If some effect seems without cause it's just
something you've not experienced. Search for possible
reasons, but it's not a necessary discovery -- by being wise to
end result, noticing the actions which lead there can suddenly
shed a little light on someones behavior.

Instead, meth is amplification. It does not move you from

sober into a non-sober state; it zaps every atom of whatever
state you were already in. It jacks into your mental energy
and shoots it a crackling shot of juice that somehow doesn't
fade like power surges are supposed to. Unlike alcohol
inebriation, you've not lost capacity -- you've gained it.
Whatever you could do before, now you can do it better, and
enjoy it more. What interested you before now fascinates you.
What used to lose your interest after doing a while can now be
done indefinitely, and you won't even notice the hours
speeding by. The basic becomes profound. The good, brilliant.
The staid, vibrant.

I guess this will be part I, since I can't continue right now.

Hope at least some of it is vaguely intelligible. :)

Little piece, big puzzle. This entire process requires rapt

attention to a persons most subtle behavior. It's not easy
intellectually ascertaining the effects of a drug never imbibed.
If it was, doing the drug wouldn't be necessary, we could just

learn about it to get high! LOL. Other people's experience may

be the best teacher, but it sure ain't the easiest.
Part 1 of this post addressed the level of the relationship
between meth and a regular user. Eventually it becomes
second nature, rarely challenged or alternatives considered,
subtly re-arranging and -scheduling what over time become
lesser priorities. Never mind how this comes to be. Don't
question the process; don't wonder about foresight and
accountability (or sowing and reaping for you religious types).
That particular squirmy journey defies easy description, and
would pass undetected even were you told what to look for.
It's over and irrelevant. The context you must fit yourself
completely into is, meth is a fundamental part of a lifestyle.
Fundamental like your house, which is part of most waking
moments and a daily destination. Once having made a home,
it's an integral part of ones life, and over-night hotel stays just
to take a break from it are rare. Fundamental like parenting,
attention to which subsumes everything else. You live and die
by the tear or twinkle in their eye. The Halo level doesn't get
finished after the phone-call that they missed the bus and are
stranded alone at school... you Spy Hunter it there
and arrive before they've even hung up the pay-phone. Little
debate takes place regarding fulfilling top-level values -- their
success implicitly becomes the virtue of the lesser ones. Yet
even so dear as home and kids are, how many times has
meth trumped them both? Place yourself there, full knowledge
of the damage being done to things you value, without
stopping what's doing the damage. Until those things are lost.
How is that possible? What insanity struck your nightmare
life? What are you thinking?!
Why is the meth habit so hard to kick? The health and lifestyle
havoc alone should be enough to convince the most stubborn
user it's bad news. This issue has been discussed and studied
quite thoroughly, from all different angles, and I don't know if I
have anything new to offer that hasn't been dissected
already, but since I have a singular goal maybe I'll get lucky,
lol. Put on your thinking caps, non-meth-users, and follow me.
The second most important thing you should know about the
addict who's considering ending his habit: he doesn't think he
can. Taking everything into consideration, all considerations
explored, after tests, studies, and exhaustive experiments, all
things being equal, his professional, scientific conclusion is:
can't be done. Not by a long shot.
Wasn't even close. Everything pointed one way. He recalls a
previous occasion when fleeting thoughts of possible success
were experienced. Hah, he smiles to himself. I must've really
been high. He still occasionally considers it, but each time the
preponderance of evidence is so overwhelming that
eventually he rarely even bothers, turning instead to what has
become a regular topic of consideration: how could my meth
habit be configured in such a way to fuck up less shit, thus
allowing a few more needs to be met? Now that's a good
question. Because it shouldn't take that many adjustments,
and with the added benefits taken into account... why... I
think, I think I might just be able to work this thing for... uh... a
long time! Straight up. Shouldn't be that hard, I'm not a
fucking moron after-all, no reason it can't be worked out.
But things get busy and the considerations are put on hold,
for, a bit, until a little while later--3 years to be exact--it occurs
to him again... shouldn't be that hard to figure out... after all,
if I'm not gonna be able to quit, I better figure
SOME way to co-exist with this thing.
You, non-user. How's your impetus to try things you know you
can't accomplish? Are you generally really excited about
beginning hopeless tasks? Would you work up the energy to
give it a shot once a week? A month? How about after a few
attempts that seemed ok fail? Nothing like hopes dashed to
lift the human spirit, eh?
And the most important thing you should know about the
addict, often thought but rarely voiced, his dirty little

secret, both uplifting and terrifying:

I DON'T WANT TO QUIT! I DON'T WANT TO QUIT! I don't CARE
about all the shit, I don't CARE what I had, I don't care
because it doesn't matter anyways, because I don't want to
quit this drug. I like it. My life isn't going to completely fall
apart; I'll figure it out more as I go along. Sure it sucks a little I
lost that, and them, but you know what, it's par for the course.
If I can be like this for the rest of my life, that's worth a little
sacrifice. Everything worth having requires sacrifice, and
this... this is worth having. I mean, really! If it's this way for 25
years more or that way for 50, that's not even a question.
Those words don't even make sense, LOL.
But who, non-using reader, is he gonna say that to? All those
discussions where you felt he wasn't really engaging in, those
times whatever he was thinking was inscrutable? In hindsight
the truth may seem obvious, but at the time who would
seriously even consider such an evil sentiment was possible?
Can you imagine how alone they feel, thinking such ultimate,
immense thoughts, unable to share it with anybody, even
their loved ones, their family, or you? The meth addict not
only feels alone in their experience, but separated from the
people they love the most by a gulf of infinite size. It is a
tortuous, absolutely crushing struggle. See, it's not just
physiological symptoms, which bring on mental instability, it's
the overwhelming significance of these decisions the poor
souls finds themselves making.
Chew on that for a while. That all things being considered,
with the entire rest of one's life in hand... they don't want to
quit. They've not gone insane. To them, it makes perfect
sense!

Here's a few tips that have worked for some of us:

1. The realization will never live up to the expectation. That
means that you will always expect it to be better than it is.
And each time you use, you'll be more and more disappointed.
2. Why return to the source of pain to find comfort? The meth
is what is causing all your pain and discomfort, so why go
back to it? That will just make it worse.
3. It will NEVER EVER be as easy to quit as it is now. Each
moment you wait to get clean, makes it that much more
difficult.
4. Withdrawal sucks, Right? So why go through it more than
once? It just doesn't feel good to have to go through
withdrawal over and over.
5. There are a jillion more ways of getting clean and staying
clean. It takes a little effort to search for them tho. Keep
finding them. It's worth it.
6. If possible, see a therapist, counselor, or similar source of
support.
Abstinence means drug free, recovery means
dealing with the emotional things that led to substance abuse
None of us has a choice where we come from, but we can all
have a choice to upgrade
THINKING ABOUT QUITTING CRYSTAL
Or reducing your use? Here are some tips to help you along.
Crystal, like other stimulant drugs, can make you have intense
memories and thoughts about what life is like when you're
high. It can feel like anything and everything gets you thinking
about using crystal meth! These memories and thoughts are
called triggers. Triggers can lead to craving, an intense need

or feeling that you want to use. Much of the work of quitting

crystal is learning how to deal with triggers and cravings.
They are automatic, natural and inevitable. But you can learn
new ways to deal with triggers and reduce your cravings.
If you use crystal on a regular basis and decide you want to
quit, here are some tips that might help you reach your goal.
Don't be overwhelmed by everything on this list. These are
merely suggestions from other users who have quit
successfully. Do what feels right for you and make changes
where you can. Don't give up!
1. Set small goals that are easier to reach. Be realistic about
what you can achieve. Avoid thinking in terms of "forever."
Think in terms of days, hours or even minutes. Not using for
one day is much easier than not using for a whole month.
Quitting "cold turkey" is not for everyone and can seem
impossible. Try cutting back your use in steps. Use twice a
week instead of every day, or twice a month instead of every
weekend. You can also cut down how much you use. Use 1/4
gram instead of 1/2, or use 1/8 instead of 1/4. This can help
with withdrawal as well!
2. Get rid of your drugs and drug paraphernalia. This includes
all product, baggies, spoons, needles, bleach, mirrors, and any
other stuff you use when you get high. Be sure you get rid of
stuff you may have stashed in your house, car or at a friend's
house. If porn is a trigger, get rid of your mags and videos,
too!
3. Throw out phone numbers that trigger thoughts about
using. Change your phone number. Get rid of your pager.
Make it hard for your dealer and acquaintances to reach you.
Make it hard for you to reach them. Toss out any drug-related
phone numbers!
4. Become aware of your using patterns. Like when, why,
where and with whom you use most often. Whenever you can,
avoid these situations and find other activities to substitute
for using. Hang out with friends who don't use or go to a
movie instead of a bar or club.
5. Avoid anything, anyplace or anyone that might trigger you
to use. It doesn't have to be forever. Triggers might include
specific objects, places (parks, bath houses, streets, clubs, or
friends' houses), special events, sex activity or strong
emotional situations.
6. Schedule your day thoroughly. Boredom is ENEMY #1 for
most crystal users because it can tempt you to use. Try to
keep yourself occupied all the time. Exercise, hobbies,
shopping, volunteering or napping are all great ways to keep
busy.
7. Anticipate withdrawal. Symptoms may include severe mood
swings, irregular sleep, depression, anxiety, boredom,
irritability and feeling completely hopeless about everything in
life. These experiences are very common and will ease up
over time. These symptoms will also make you want to use
again, so have a plan for how you will deal with them.
8. Make a plan. If you get into a situation where you feel like
you might use, have a plan about how you are going to deal
with it. Are you going to call a friend? Then have his number
handy at all times. Are you going to go to a meeting or a
support group? Have a schedule so you know when and where
you can go.
9. Watch your eating habits. Limit your intake of caffeine,
sugar and white flour products like pastries, cookies and white
bread. Sugar comes in many forms: white, brown, honey, high
fructose corn syrup, molasses, flavored syrups, so read the
labels! Sugar affects the same brain chemicals as meth.
Eating sweet foods will start a cycle of highs and lows. You
may feel like you're "crashing," sort of like when you come
down off crystal. This feeling may make you crave more sugar
and/or even meth. When a sugar craving hits, eat some
protein instead (cheese, burritos, burgers, yogurt, etc.).
10. Try alternative therapies to ease withdrawal. Acupuncture,
nutritional supplements and some herbal remedies can be
very helpful for reducing cravings, balancing moods and
regulating sleep. Health food stores and natural health clinics
are good sources for information.
11. Get a health check-up. Quitting or cutting back can be
hard on your body. See your doctor or local community clinic
to make sure you don't have any untreated health problems.
You could be eligible for free care. And, there are special

programs for people who are HIV+. Check out the resources
on the back page.
12. Exercise. Exercise helps produce endorphins and other
"feel good" chemicals in your body. It also stimulates your
immune system, relieves boredom and improves energy. Try
walking, working out, roller-blading, yoga, etc.
13. Get support. Don't do it alone! 12-Step groups work for
some people. Crystal support groups may work for others.
Spending time with friends who don't use or seeing a
counselor may also be helpful. Check out the resource list for
ideas.
14. Be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day. You didn't get to
where you're at in a day. And you won't get out of it in one
day, either. If you don't achieve 100% of your goal, don't give
up. Focus on the progress you have made and go on from
there. Review these tips again. Give yourself credit for what
you have achieved and get on with making positive change in
your life.
15. Explore your treatment options. If you find it difficult to
quit on your own, you may need additional support to reach
your goals. There are many types of treatment programs
available. Making decisions about treatment can be scary and
stressful, so it's a good idea to talk with a counselor about
your options. Free treatment information is available.
Tools Of Recovery
90 in 90. People who "keep coming back" have a much better
chance of recovering. We recommend 90 meetings in 90 days;
try out lots of different meetings and fellowships.
"A drug is only an arm's-length away." Slipping is really easy: a
moment's inattention; wrong time, wrong place.
"A slip is the end of a process." (Also: "On the road to a slip,
the first step is to get rid of your sponsor"; "A slip occurs
before you pick up.")
Abstinence. We can't get high if we don't pick up that first
drug or drink. We've learned that using other drugs-- alcohol,
marijuana, cocaine, poppers--can lead us back to crystal meth
("tina") or into other addictions. Abstinence means drug free,
recovery means dealing with the emotional things that led to
substance abuse
Acceptance. "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change..." We can't fix everything--certainly not our
addiction; we just had to calm down and accept that. And
remind ourselves with the Serenity Prayer as needed.
Act as if. Also: "Fake it till you make it." Life is totally different
when we're first getting clean. It is full of crazy feelings and
fears, excitement and gratitude. When we don't know what to
do in a certain situation or state of mind, we ask for a
suggestion from our sponsor or another person in the program
(see Suggestions). We can't "think" our way to right actions,
but we can "act" our way to right thoughts. For example: Most
of us had to act as if there was a Higher Power for a long time
when we first entered the program.
Action. "...The courage to change the things I can." Life is a
program of action; most of us started small with things like
going to meetings or making our beds.
Big Book. The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is the basic
text of recovery. Most of us read it from time to time; some of
us are in study groups where we use it to work the steps.
Bookending. If we need to do something or go somewhere
that may make us want to use-meet an ex, the office holiday
party, a first date-many of us check in with a program friend
before we go and after we're done.
Burning desires. If a meeting is ending and we have not been
called on, but think we might use if we don't get a chance to
share, we take the "burning desire" when it is announced. If
we are still not called on, we grab someone right away after
the meeting to talk.
Chips. When we were counting days, most of us raised our
hands and shared our progress with the groups. Those plastic
key chains we receive from various meetings as we reach new
sober anniversaries are among our most valued possessions.
Choices. A recovery bookstore, Choices carries basic recovery
literature: Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book), The 12 and
12, Living Sober, Came to Believe, Just for Today, plus Step
workbooks. http://www.amazon.com has them all.

CMA. Crystal Meth Anonymous

12-step recovery that is
meth specific http://www.crystalmeth.org/
Coffee. Between fellowship, meetings with friends and
sponsors, and just generally showing up for life on time now
that we're sober, a lot of us drink more coffee than we used
to. This can make us very anxious; if we have trouble
sleeping, researchers suggest avoiding caffeine within five
hours of bed.
Compare and despair. We try not to compare our insides to
someone else's outsides.
"DONT file em DIAL em." How to treat phone numbers you
get at meetings.
"Easy does it." We tried not to take on too much in early
sobriety.
Feelings are not facts. Just because we feel that everyone
hates us doesn't mean they do.
Fellowship. The meeting after the meeting. We go for
hamburgers and coffee, discuss topics and feelings brought
up by the meeting, and chit chat.
"First things first." We learned to prioritize.
"Give time time." Getting sober takes time, and we addicts
tend to be impatient people.
"Go to any lengths." We did some sick stuff in our pursuit of
drugs; we try to work just as hard to stay sober. If we drank or
used every day, we can go meetings every day.
Good Orderly Direction. One popular conception of a Higher
Power: doing the next right thing.
Group Of Drunks. Another useful concept of a Higher Power
(from AA): people helping each other get and stay sober.
"Half measures availed us nothing." We have to give sobriety
our all or we won't succeed.
HALT. Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. An afternoon
spent struggling with cravings can be explained with these
four words. We check in on our physical and emotional
condition throughout the day. Hungry? Eat regular meals at
regular mealtimes. Angry? Talk about it a lot with your sponsor
and others. Lonely? Go to a meeting, call someone. Tired?
Take a nap, go to sleep early, schedule less. (gay version:
HALTF don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or fabulous.)
(Sfj version: Horny, angry, lonely, tired)
HOW. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness, the basic
tenets behind Steps One, Two and Three. This is HOW it works:
we get honest, we open our minds, and we become willing to
surrender and work a program.
Just for today. We stay sober one day at a time. (Also the title
of a daily devotional type book from NA)
KCI. The best website for meth recovery and info.
http://www.kci.org
"Keep it simple." Also: KISS "Keep it simple, stupid." We tried
not to do anything too drastic while we were learning how to
live sober, on the proven principle that anything we put in
front of our sobriety would take us back out.
Keep right size. When we are feeling really lousy--or really
super--we try to keep our objectivity. Our low self-esteem and
grandiosity led us into addiction in the first place.
"Keep the memory green." We must never forget that were
powerless over crystal and other drugs.
Literature. CMA is still writing its own "Big Book." But many of
us found Alcoholics Anonymous, The 12 and 12, Came to
Believe, Living Sober, As Bill Sees It and other AA, NA or CA
literature valuable in helping us understand the program.
Make your bed. This is just one example of how we take care
of ourselves in small ways we couldn't when we used--we
deserve a nice clean bed at night.
Meditation. We found this is not as mystical as it sounds: We
just sit quietly somewhere for a few minutes and listen to our
breath-- in, out, in, out, in, out... Anxiety melts away, and our
Higher Power comes in.
Meetings. At meetings we share our successes and struggles,
learn about the steps, explore our spirituality, make friends.
We have seen how "meeting makers make it."
Naps. Coming off crystal (methylenedioxymethamphetamine)
we were very, very sleepy. We weren't too hard on ourselves
when we needed to lie down. Everything in moderation of
course: Sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression.

No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds

impossible and even backwards-why did we get clean, after
all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it
is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new
romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing
problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will
change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?
Non-discrimination. Meth addiction does not discriminate, rich or poor, urban or rural, young or old, male or female,
ignorant or educated, gay or straight.
One day at a time. It's too overwhelming to think we'll never
use again; we focus on doing whatever it takes to stay clean
today. We worry about tomorrow when it comes.
Outside issues. If we are depressed, we get help--therapy,
group counseling, antidepressants, economic assistance.
People, places and things. We stay away from anything we
identify that reminds us of using. Dealers, party/@#%$
buddies, friends we ran with, or others in our lives who throw
off our equilibrium; bars, clubs, baths, certain streets or
corners, or other places we associate with copping or using;
stems, vials, lighters, cocktail glasses... There's an AA saying:
"If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a
haircut."
Phone numbers. Telephone numbers are our lifeline. Members
who have been around for a while are happy to share their
experience, strength, hope--and time. If we want to call our
dealer, we call someone from the program instead. For this
reason, we always carry the numbers of friends in the
program. Many of us make a habit of calling someone, our
sponsor or a friend, in the program daily. As for our own phone
numbers, many of us changed them to avoid getting tempting
calls from dealers and using friends.
Play the tape through to the end. When a using craving starts
to overwhelm us, we remember one of our last runs all the
way through to the end: from the first hit to the bumps in the
bathroom and crazy sex, to desperation, paranoia, STDs,
hospitals, lost jobs, evictions, busted relationships-whatever
brought us into the rooms of recovery. After a while, by
playing the tape the whole way through whenever we get a
craving, we associate using less with the thrill of escape and
more with the reality of our addiction and its consequences.
Prayer. Reaching out to a higher power--whether we believe in
one or not--has an incredibly calming effect on us. Many of us
pray in the morning, asking for help to stay sober another
day, and at night, saying a simple thank-you when we make it
to bed sober.
"Principles not personalities." This means a couple of things.
First, people in the fellowship may sometimes let us down; but
the principles of the 12 steps never will. We never let
someone else who is working our nerves keep us from seeking
the recovery we deserve.
"Progress, not perfection." We try not to be so hard on
ourselves. Even Bill W., the founder of AA, had problems.
Shelf. As in "just put that on the shelf." We may feel we have
other problems (cigarettes, debt, sexual compulsion, job
problems, family issues) in addition to our addiction to crystal
meth (methamphetamine), but we postpone dealing with
those other problems directly for a while, until we've begun to
lead a life free from crystal meth addiction. The stress of
dealing with these other problems can make our recovery
from addiction more difficult. Just staying sober helps most of
our problems start resolving themselves; in time, when we
have some recovery under our belts, we take problems off the
shelf to be addressed.
Sfj Thats me. My website is
http://sfjaye.freewebspace.com
Smart feet. Knowing when and where meetings are; having a
usual routine; attending meetings even though we are busy,
bored or don't want to be bothered, because we know its good
for us. "Smart feet" is the impulse to get to a meeting
whenever something happens that makes us want to use.
Spirituality. Not to be confused with religion. CMA is a spiritual
program of recovery, but the spiritual path in CMA is very
personal and individual. In CMA, everyone finds his own
higher power and his own way of communicating with it.
Someone said, Religion is for those who are afraid of going to
hell, Spirituality is for those who have been there.

Sponsors. A sponsor is another recovering addict, with a year

or more of clean time, who helps mentor us in our recovery.
Steps. There are 12 of them, and they work. The process of
self-discovery they describe unfolds organically the longer you
stay sober, but it's best to really work on them--with a
sponsor. Everyone works the steps in his own way, at his own
pace. The only step we have to work perfectly is Step One.
"Stick with the winners." We try to hang out with people who
have good attitudes and some clean and sober time in the
program.
Suggestions. Most of us needed a lot of humility to come to
our first CMA meeting. Admitting that we don't have the
answers to our difficulties, as hard as it is, is the source of our
serenity. People in CMA and other fellowships often offer us
feedback. Whatever we may think of them and their "advice,"
however much we might not want feedback, we have to
remember that they wouldn't be telling us something that
didn't work for them.
Surrender. Also, "Surrender to win." This is the core of the
program; it's really explored in Step Three. Surrender is not
defeat, it's joining the winning side. Basically, we are willing to
try some other way-ours wasn't getting us anywhere.
"Take what you can use and leave the rest." If a suggestion or
concept is confusing or seems contradictory, we set it aside
until we are ready. We try not to complicate our programs
unnecessarily.
Traditions. There are 12 of these, too. The code of conduct for
the organization, they are the principles that guide CMA
meetings and the group as a whole.
Triggers. People, places and things that remind us of using,
and anything else--a fight, depression, being hungry, angry,
lonely and/or tired--that upsets our equilibrium enough to
make us want to use.
We are not professionals. We are not doctors. Therefore, we
seek professional help for physical or mental problems such
as depression or mania; financial counseling; or job training.
"We are only as sick as our secrets." Openness takes the toxic
strength out of shame. If something is eating away at us, we
share about it at meetings and with our sponsor.
Yets. These are things we have yet to do but that, knowing the
way our minds work, we might encounter on our next relapsesmoking, shooting up, heroin, crack, prostitution, jail,
homelessness. Addiction is a progressive disease; if we go
out, it will most likely be worse next time.
Meth use is like taking out a huge loan on future happiness
and pleasure, with incredibly high interest rates and no grace
period.
Meth does not forgive those who sell out. It will extract your
very soul, then invite you back .
Meth doesn't kill pain, it postpones it, then multiplies it.
Meth doesn't kill depression, it postpones it, then multiplies it.

I think that recovering is very hard work, it is about the

hardest thing I've ever done, the only thing harder is not
recovering
Stages of change, 1. Pre-contemplation, 2. Contemplation, 3
Preparation, 4. Action, 5. Maintenance
Drug abuse begins for one reason and continues for another.
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
- General George Patton Jr
Gambling Addicts can't understand Porn Addicts, Porn Addicts
can't understand
Compulsive Shoplifters, Compulsive
Shoplifters can't understand Overeaters, Overeaters can't
understand Drug Addicts, Drug Addicts can't understand
Bulemics and Anorexics, and so on.
We meth addicts will stop when the pain of continued use
exceeds the fear of withdrawal

"Playing the tape to the end." is a phrase often used to

describe the bad effects of meth use.
Here's a few portions of it.
Desperation, paranoia, STDs, hospitals, lost jobs, evictions,
busted relationship, bills I cant pay. Bill collectors,
foreclosure, car repossessed, self-loathing, loss of dignity, loss
of integrity, loss of friends, loss of self-respect, loss of selfcontrol. Lawsuits, Fear. Sick thoughts of perverse sexual
behavior. Thievery, hanging out with bottom dwellers,
crawling through trash piles, dumpsters, and dumps,
debauchery, getting ripped off by dealers and so-called
friends, sickly skin, speed bump skin, dental disaster, pain and
suffering, panic, hollow empty looking facial features, hiding
from everyone and everything, ripping off those I love, urine
in a jar or bottle, risk of liver and kidney failure, heart attack,
stroke, riding to the hospital ER or morgue. Unable to think,
unable to focus, horny as hell and unable to get laid,
unattractive, ugly, repulsive, smelly, looking weird, sick,
deathly, putrid, premature aging, premature aches and pains,
getting in debt to the connect, unable to cop, unable to get
high because Im too damned dirty, late for everything, dope
really doesn't work much any more, people avoided me as
much as I avoid them, long-time friends dont want to see me
or have anything to do with me, cant go to the bathroom
because my plumbing quit working due to meth addiction,
more panic, more paranoia, hiding, turn off the lights so no
one can see me, garbage hasn't been emptied in weeks,
missing a vein and getting abscessed, lung disease, scars that
wont heal, sores that wont heal but get worse, filthy living
conditions, loss of humanity, lose a baby if pregnant, strung
out on porn, too scared to commit suicide and to too
desperate not to. SICK.