11 Mental Tips & Tricks To Move On After Narcissistic Abuse

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11 Mental Tips & Tricks To Move On After Narcissistic Abuse

63 Comments
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move-on-after-na
rcissistic-abuse/#comments>
July 2, 2015
rcissistic-abuse/>
Bree Bonchay, LCSW <http://relationshipedia.me/author/bbonchay11/>
<https://relationshipedia.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/thepast.jpg>
Breaking up with a narcissist reminds me of my experience with
childbirth. Its scary. It hurts like hell. Its not something you can
ever really prepare for. You feel nervous, afraid and a little relieved.
You have no idea what to expect. Youre thrust into unfamiliar terrain
and filled with fear of the unknown.
When youre faced with an overwhelming life challenge and feel
completely unequipped and unprepared to deal with it, you just have to
have a little thing called faith, or what I call finding your Bertha.
*TIP 1: Find your Bertha. *
*What is your Bertha? * It could be your higher power, a system of
beliefs, the source, the universe, a therapist or someone who has been
through the same experience and triumphed. Bertha is a set of beliefs or
a force greater than yourself that you have absolute faith and trust in.
It could be as simple as the belief that, the universe has something
better in store for me or everything happens for a reason or it could
be your higher power, God, Buddha and the list goes on.
/Years ago, I was a pregnant new mom to be, in labor long enough to see
three shifts of obstetrics nurses come floating in and out of my room. I
was in pain and terrified. I had no idea what to expect. The nurses all
had different personalities, some were warm and fuzzy, some were quiet
and aloof and then there was Bertha. Bertha marched in my room like a
drill sergeant with the confidence of an Admiral. There was nothing warm
and fuzzy about her, but she was not quiet or aloof either. She had a
dry sense of humor and by the way she carried herself, it was clear that
this wasnt her first rodeo. Her self-assurance and take charge presence
instantly made me feel at ease. I knew everything would turn out just
fine with Bertha at the helm. This gal knew exactly what she was doing
and I could trust putting myself and my unborn child in her care. My
moans and groans of pain and agony didnt unnerve her. She was like a
tower of strength. She ordered me around like a new recruit. Sit up.
Take a deep breath. Eat these ice chips. Do this. Do that. Bertha was
no-nonsense, but she was also very calming and extremely caring and knew
how to use humor to distract me from my anxiety./
*Finding your Bertha becomes your beacon, your symbol of hope, your
North Star, your guiding light and your Rock of Gibraltar.* Its the
voice of reason. Your Bertha is the General that confidently guides you
through the battlefield when you feel lost. Your strength when you feel
weak. Your hope when you feel hopeless. Bertha isnt alarmed by your
pain, because Bertha knows that pain it is part of the process. Theres
just no escaping it. Bertha will help ease your discomfort as much as
possible, but the rest is up to you. Bertha knows that if you summon the
strength to endure the pain of heart-break and the fear of the unknown,
you will be rewarded with the greatest gift. Just like the pains of
childbirth result in the gift of a precious new life, the pains of
heart-break and the courage to face your greatest fear, will result in a
precious new life, tooYOURS! Rock bottom is the solid foundation on
which you can rebuild your life. It is your opportunity to pick up the
pieces and rebuild a better version of the old you.
*THE USED-TO-BES DONT COUNT ANYMORE *
*Divorces and break-ups are hard not only because of the loss of the
relationship, but also because of the loss of all our dreams and hopes
we had for the future. *Narcissistic relationships start off on such an
exhilarating high. They are the fairy tale romance weve always
imagined. The love we always dreamed of. Then, over time, our
relationship ecstasy turns into a bad trip, where we are manipulated to
feel like we always fall short, are completely inadequate, invalidated,
used and unloved. In the process of trying to fill the gaping hole in
our partner, we lose ourselves.
*When these relationships end, we experience despair, confusion,
disappointment, failure and grief.* Were shoved into uncharted
territory. Our whole lives change in the blink of an eye. We are
completely unprepared and have no idea what to expect. We are ambushed
by vicious smear campaigns. Our daily routine abruptly changes. We lose
relationships with mutual friends and our exs family members. We feel
lost and nervous about the future. We wonder what life will be like? We
worry if we will ever find love again or if were doomed to end up
alone. *All the uncertainty of the unknown can feel worse than staying
in a toxic relationship that we know is not healthy for us.* So we
hesitate to move forward and get stuck ruminating about all the good
memories of how our ex used to be.
*TIP 2: Remember the used-to-bes dont count anymore! *
*THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE*
*When we are sad and lonely we often mistake these feelings for love for
our ex. *This isnt real love! It is sadness and loneliness driving us
to romanticize the good memories and reach into the past for a solution
to end our pain. We turn our focus back in time to when we felt happy
rather than concentrate on the reality of how the narcissist acted and
treated us. We allow the emotions of the pleasurable memories to
overrule the overall view we have of our ex narcissist.
*Its normal to want to have someone in your life and it is nothing to
feel ashamed about.* But if you are missing someone who was cruel and
hurtful toward you, then its time to pause and ask yourself if you miss
the idea of being with a person more than the person themselves?
Honestly ask yourself if you are you confusing your sadness and
loneliness for love? Are you looking for happiness in the place that
you lost it?
*Its human nature to want to take the path of least resistance to
relieve our pain.* Unfortunately this path is only a band aid. A
temporary solution to dealing with a problem that will only prolong the
pain, not solve it. Im sure youve heard the saying by Albert Einstein,
the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results. Thats where the path of least
resistance leads to, exactly the same result- more pain.
*TIP 3: If you want to change your situation and see an end to your
pain. Its time to take a new path, one that is not easy. Stepping
outside your comfort zone is essential to healing and recovery. New
opportunities reward people who step outside of their comfort zone.*
*REPLACING THE G IN CHANGE WITH A C TURNS CHANGE INTO CHANCE*
Who Moved My Cheese is a 96 page parable written by, Spencer Johnson,
about how different people deal with major change. If you have read this
cute parable, read it again. If you havent read it, there are many
morsels of wisdom in this clever little story. A few of them are:
*/Being in an uncomfortable zone is much better than being in a
cheeseless situation./*
*/The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese./*
*/The fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation
that actually exists. /*
*/What you are afraid of is never as bad as you imagine. /*
*/When you change what you believe, you change what you do. /*
*TIP 4: Learn to accept change. Go with the flow. Adapting to change
is crucial to healing and recovery. Its also a prerequisite to
building resilience and coping with the lifes inevitable
uncertainties. The more we resist change, the more we stay stuck and
prolong our pain and suffering. *
*THOUGHT BLOCKING & SWITCHING*
*Education is key to setting yourself free.* Continue researching
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Devour all the information you
can. Read articles, watch YouTube videos, follow blogs about narcissism
and join an online support group or two. Arming yourself with education
and knowledge of NPD will empower you to keep moving forward. Every time
your thoughts turn to your ex, instantly block and switch them to
educating yourself about narcissism. For instance: If you think to
yourself, I wonder what my ex is doing right now?, then read an
article about narcissistic personality disorder. If you think to
yourself, I wonder if my ex misses me? Read an article about
narcissistic tactics of manipulation. Or, if you if think to yourself,
I miss my ex, then search for a YouTube video about malignant
narcissism. Use this thought blocking and switching technique to reduce
the amount of time you spend focusing your energy on your ex and
substitute your thoughts with educational information about NPD.
*TIP 5: Use the method of Thought Blocking and Switching to decrease
your focus, energy and attention on your ex, and instead,
concentrate your energy on substituting thoughts of your ex with
ones (info/data/articles) that dissolve the residual brainwash and
accurately depict the realistic versus the romanticized version of
your ex. *
*ITS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY*
*Let them out. Feel your feelings.* You will have good days and not so
good days. You might feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster at
times. You will feel a lot of conflicting emotions including; sadness,

fear, RELIEF, confusion, ANGER, freedom and resentment. Dont fight your
feelings. If you try to ignore or suppress your feelings, youre likely
to prolong the grieving process and get totally stuck in it. Openly
discuss your feelings. Join a support group. You will benefit from
hearing similar stories from those who have been there, faced the pain,
and as a result, are living happier lives. The support of people who
understand exactly what you are experiencing is vital to healing and
recovery.
*Find a therapist who will help you identify your vulnerabilities that
contributed to your susceptibility to the narcissists manipulation
tactics. *Take an honest self-inventory. Were you at a low point in your
life when you met the narcissists? Was your self-esteem compromised?
Were you lonely or did you just come out of a bad relationship? Do you
lack good boundaries? Do you have childhood wounds, perhaps an
unavailable or narcissistic parent?
*Start keeping a journal.* You no doubt will be triggered by memories of
the narcissists cruelty and criticisms. These intrusive thoughts may
cause a wide range of emotions and manifest themselves when you least
expect them. Be prepared. The littlest things may set you off. For
instance: You may be draining a pot of spaghetti and find yourself
hearing your exs voice condescendingly correcting you about the right
way to drain spaghetti. Writing these experiences down will release them
and diminish their power and presence in your life. With time they will
slowly begin to fade.
*TIP 6: The more you identify your feelings and express them,
receive validation and support from those who truly understand your
experience, the more you will come to healthy realizations that will
decrease some of your pain and self-doubt. *
*THE IF ONLYS*
*Breaking up with a narcissist is 1000 times harder than a normal
break-up.* One of the many reasons for this is first they pummel us with
manipulation, assault our self-worth and stealthily erode our
self-esteem. Then when the relationship is over, we beat ourselves up
for the things we did or did not do and/or berate ourselves for staying
longer than we should have and for the signs we failed to recognize.
*Accept that the narcissist is what he/she is.* They are totally
incapable of love and deep connection. Nothing you did or didnt
do would have changed the outcome. You were not loved for YOU as a
person. You were viewed as an object and loved for your utility not for
your individuality. You were used for the perks you were able to
provide. You were their human helium tank that maintained their inflated
view of themselves. I know it sounds harsh and its a very painful
realization to accept. But the acceptance of this fact is also the very
thing that will accelerate your healing and set you free.
*Narcissists are as capable of giving love as a rock.* (And yet, youll
get more love from a pet rock). This is why they can replace people as
easily as replacing an empty toilet paper roll. The day will come when
you view them in a similar way- just as useless and worthwhile as an
empty roll of toilet paper. Have faith in your Bertha, the day WILL come.
*TIP 7: Try not to personalize the break-up. Dont dwell in the if
onlys. If only I tried harder; If only I didnt disappoint
him/her; If only I was a better wife/husband; If only I saw the

signs; If only I listened to my instincts; If only (insert
blank). The if only game doesnt change anything. It just keeps
us trapped. It makes our future, just like the past a dry, barren,
exhausting wasteland of blame, guilt and shame. *
*PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM!*
*Narcissistic relationships should be measured in dog years.* If your
relationship lasted 5 years, thats equal to 35 years in Narcville. A
relationship with a narcissist is nothing short of exhausting, depleting
and emotionally draining. Having your self-worth and identity
systematically and stealthily dismantled can leave you not knowing which
way is up. Its not surprising, that so many survivors feel like empty
shells of their former selves. The deliberate erosion of their
identities and self-perceptions through the constant daily drip of
projections, distortions and ambient abuse leaves them wondering how to
put the pieces of their lives back together, especially when they dont
even know who they are anymore.
*Before you can rebuild yourself and your life, you have to undue the
brainwash and the negative feedback loop that was installed in your
mind.* For instance: If you were accused of being selfish, unfaithful,
uncaring, lazy, needy, controlling and so on, then you have to challenge
the narcissists projections and distortions. Were you accused of acting
needy or controlling because he/she stayed out all night and didnt call
you? Then ask yourself, Is it reasonable to expect your partner to call
you, especially if they are going to be out all night? Heck yeah it is!
Or, were you accused of not being able take advice because you didnt do
everything the narcissists way? Ask yourself, Is it reasonable that I
should be expected to do everything someone elses way? Heck no it
isnt! If you are uncertain about the answers when challenging the
negative feedback loops playing in your head, ask your therapist, ask
your support group or a trusted friend.
*TIP 8: Challenge and disown all the narcissists distortions,
projections and brainwash you internalized. These qualities are not
yours to keep. Give them back to their rightful owner. For every
negative feedback loop you erase from your psyche, install an
accurate new interpretation or message in your mind and play it over
and over again, Sam! *
*THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTIONS *
*I know when you were in the relationship with your ex narcissist you
asked yourself at least a thousand times why am I putting up with this
crap?* *Or, why am I staying in this relationship when all I ever feel
is miserable and unloved? *Now, is the time to search high and low for
the answers to those million dollar questions. They are questions only
you can answer. Hint: A good place to start looking for clues that will
reveal the answers is to examine your fears, guilt, shame, insecurities
and your past childhood wounds. The more brutally honest with yourself
you are, the more you will uncover the mental traps that helped hold
you hostage in a toxic relationship.
*In the beginning of the relationship, during the idealization stage,
the narcissists make-believe, fairytale love alleviated you from
confronting your mental traps.* The power of the idealization stage
concealed the mental traps from your consciousness. The constant showers
of love and adoration in the beginning, acted as a band-aid that
shielded the wounded parts of yourself. Since the source of the healing
was external, the effects were only temporary and dependent upon the
narcissists love and approval.
*We attract people at our common level of woundedness. *Identifying and
addressing our wounds is the most powerful form of narc-repellent for
future relationships. *Healing our wounds from the inside out is the
only cure for lasting recovery and a narc free life.* Start by
confronting your fears of abandonment, loneliness and unworthiness and
facing your insecurities. Just as your exs love had the power to
temporarily extinguish your mental traps and make you feel wonderful,
your self-love has the power to PERMANENTLY extinguish your mental traps
and make you feel fabulous.
*The journey to self-love and acceptance is a daily habitual process
formed through small and consistent actions.* It doesnt happen
overnight. Its taking care of your mind, body and soul. Its making
your physical and mental health a priority. Its embracing who you are,
flaws and all. Its replacing automatic negative thoughts with positive
ones. Its turning the thought, I dont think I can make it into I
can do anything I set my mind to. Its surrounding yourself with only
those who are 100% team YOU. Its not settling for less than you want
and deserve. Its finding your passion and purpose. Its learning how to
fill up your own cup. It means not needing a relationship to feel worthy
or whole. Its ridding your life of any unhealthy habits and addictions.
Its daily gratitude for the good things in your life, however small.
Its staying in the present moment, the magnificent present, where there
is no worry about the future or sadness about the past.
*TIP 9: Practice the steps of self-love daily. Heal yourself from
the inside out. Make your physical and mental health a priority.
Replace automatic negative thoughts with positive ones, even if you
dont believe them entirely at first. Your thoughts directly
influence your feelings. The more positive thoughts you have, the
better you will eventually feel. Practice an attitude of gratitude
it will add more positive thoughts to your emotional bank account.
The more you repeat the steps of self-love and incorporate them into
your daily routine, the quicker your mental traps will disappear,
your self-esteem will improve and your boundaries will automatically
strengthen by default.*
*STINKING THINKING*
*While journeying on your path toward self-love and putting the pieces
of your life back together, there will be times when you will need to
use Reality Testing to bypass the hurdles and stumbling blocks created
by all that stinking thinking.* Reality Testing is a therapeutic
technique used to assess and adjust our perception of a situation for
what it is rather than the way we fear it to be. For instance: You may
fear you will never find anyone else and may even convince yourself of
this. You might say something to yourself or others like, I will NEVER
find love again. The thought that you will NEVER find love again is a
cognitive distortion. A cognitive distortion is simply a way that our
minds convince us of something that isnt true. Usually, these types
of cognitive distortions include the words always or never. Its
important to apply the technique of Reality Testing to contest these
damaging cognitive distortions. They are as destructive to your
psyche as a narcissists constant battery of projections and gaslighting.
*The population of the world is estimated at 7.13 billion. So now tell
me how it is possible that you will never find love again? *The only
thing coming between you and finding love again is the cognitive
distortion in your own mind. Give it the ole narcissistic discard! This
is your movie, rewrite the scripts!
*TIP 10: When you hear yourself making negative self-defeating
statements that include always and never, challenge them and
play the devils advocate. Use Reality Testing to disprove their
authority and power in your life. Thoughts = Feelings = Actions. If
you change your thoughts and beliefs about your situation, your
emotions and feelings change as a result. Your feelings directly
influence your actions. When you act differently you create a
different outcome. *
*DETOXING FROM LOVE*
*The impact of the love bombing stage is intoxicating and incredibly
addictive. *Understanding the chemistry of the chemical bonds of love
will help you stop obsessing about your ex and speed up the healing and
recovery process.
During the idealization stage, our brains became drenched in a potent
cocktail of love bombing and pleasure inducing chemicals. Adrenaline
provided that surge of energy and excitement during the initial
attraction stage, and also is the cause of why many lovers require less
sleep and lose their appetites. Then add in the drop of serotonin levels
associated with falling in love, which basically diverts your mind and
drives you to obsess in an OCD like fashion about your lover and nothing
else. Lower serotonin levels are found in people who suffer from
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- go figure! Pour in a little oxytocin,
also known as the cuddle hormone or the bonding hormone, which
forges the attachment between partners. And top it off with the
ever-present chemical, dopamine, which stimulates feelings of pleasure
within the body and just happens to be the same addictive chemical
thats released when you eat chocolate or take a hit of cocaine. So,
its not really all that surprising that a break-up is much like trying
to kick a bad drug or alcohol habit.
Since your brain has associated your ex-lover with these pleasure
inducing chemicals, just the thought of him or her triggers this
dopamine response and the motivation to contact your ex, much like a
drug addict obsesses about obtaining that big high. This explains one of
the reasons why so many people tend to obsess over their exes after a
break-up in a very similar way a drug addict obsesses about getting
their next fix.
*TIP 11: Going cold turkey is the quickest way to detox from your
ex. You cant have a little fix now and then. It doesnt work like
that. It only prolongs the withdrawal symptoms (pain). Implementing
the No Contact method (or minimal contact in co-parenting
situations) and Going Stover* is the only way to speed up the
process of healing and recovery*.
*BLESSINGS OFTEN COME IN DISGUISE*
*Your membership to the club no one wants to be in will eventually
expire.* Be patient. It takes time. Narcissistic abuse is a betrayal of
the heart, soul, mind, and spirit, and often times the wallet too. It
corrupts and completely shatters what we thought was reality and
tarnishes our faith in humanity. For this reason, it takes a while to
restore our equilibrium and process the trauma of our

experience. Putting the pieces of your life back together and rebuilding
yourself is not an easy, pain-free process, but it is a worthwhile one.
*Have faith in your Bertha. The day will come where you will hardly
recall the narcissist.* Your ex will become nothing to you. Just someone
you used to know. You will look back on the relationship as a painfully
learned lesson. You will eventually learn to trust again, especially
yourself and your instincts. The experience may forever leave a scar,
but scar tissue is stronger than regular skin. You will be strengthened
and move on. You will come to view the break-up as a blessing.
Blessings often come in disguise. You will realize that through your
relationship with the narcissist, you were given the
gift of self-discovery, transformation and renewal. You will never be
the same again but you will be a better, stronger, wiser and an
infinitely happier version of your old self.
*For the definition and process of Going Stover, please refer to my
blog article titled, How To Permanently Detach From A Narcissist
<https://relationshipedia.wordpress.com/2015/06/23/how-to-permanently-detach-fro
m-a-narcissist/>
Copyright 2015 Bree Bonchay. All Rights Reserved. Article Edited by
Izzy Mich.
Suffering from narcissistic abuse? Join Narcissistic Abuse & Toxic
Relationship Recovery & Support Forum on Facebook by clicking the link.
<http://www.facebook.com/narcopath>
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
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Deciding whether or not to leave a narcissist feels like the ultimate no
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So, you suspect your partner or ex is a narcissist or even worse, a
sociopath, and all of your friends just nod their heads in agreement
because they really have no idea what either one really is, much less
the difference between the two. Even you arent so sure of
In "NARCISSISM"
This entry was posted in HEALING
<http://relationshipedia.me/category/healing/>, LETTING GO
<http://relationshipedia.me/category/healing/letting-go-2/>, NARCISSISM
<http://relationshipedia.me/category/narcissism-3/> and tagged getting
over a break-up from a narcissist
<http://relationshipedia.me/tag/getting-over-a-break-up-from-a-narcissist/>,
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<http://relationshipedia.me/tag/how-to-get-over-a-narcissist/>, how to
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<http://relationshipedia.me/tag/how-to-heal-from-narcissistic-abuse/>,
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<http://relationshipedia.me/tag/how-to-move-on-from-a-narcissist/>,
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<http://relationshipedia.me/tag/moving-on-from-a-narcissist/>, why is it
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63 thoughts on 11 Mental Tips & Tricks To Move On After
Narcissistic Abuse
1.
mullguy <http://mullguy.wordpress.com/>
Nicely written. I really like the concept of finding my Bertha. It
is just a nice way to think of something outside ourselves that is
stronger without it having to be associated with organized religion.
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July 2, 2015 at 1:07pm07
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2.
audreymichellepoet <http://audreymichellepoet.wordpress.com/>
I love this. We are junkies, they are our drug. I believe it is the
shame that is the worst part. When we are younger, we have no idea
Once we know, we think our knowledge will protect us. It fails, you
cannot take a hit. I wrote a poem on this, I just thought of it.
A Relapse Redefines
To seek the drug thats suicide
A pattern the past always preformed
Damaged people are actors
As their labels inform
Twas for mine enemy
I chose to be burned
I skipped as I dropped
Lost 4 steps
Then returned
Sought love from a rock
Hence, love was denied
Perhaps I thought knowledge
Would shield me from my lie
Im an addict
Outrageous!
Shameful thoughts entertained
The taste I know well
Is what Im starved for
Flies me over the top
Flings me then through the floor
Still consumed by a passion
A bomb ticking inside
To its juice I surrendered
It is my sickness, my high
I read all the breadcrumbs
I dropped long the way
I truly acknowledged
That I was living on highs
The path grew to be broken
So i chose to rewind
The roads are embedded
My path is aligned
Vultures with black smiles
Aim arrows at my head
Cupid is abusive
I now understand
I will avoid every rock
Since relapse was realized
I may bounce
I may wander
But I will always survive
Audrey Michelle
I love change chance.
I didnt seek anything when I left my ex 10 years ago. Something
bigger than me did take over. I know this because I accomplished it
and survived the 5 or so years that followed. That time was awful.
Your vulnerability must pour from you as everyone around you just
uses, abuses and tortures you. I also know that something else took
over because I dont remember that time period. I didnt really live it.
Today I believe my higher being is destiny and my path is my
instinct. I follow it and I keep being shocked by things Ive
accomplished, become.
Thank you!
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July 2, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
audreymichellepoet <http://audreymichellepoet.wordpress.com/>
Now that I read it again, I like the idea of the poem but wow,
it needs editing. Lol.
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o
Bree Bonchay, LCSW <http://relationshipedia.wordpress.com/>
I just listened to your interview with Sam Vaknin and
recognized your name and realized it was you. Great interview!
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
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+
audreymichellepoet
<http://audreymichellepoet.wordpress.com/>
That says a lot about you though. I have learned so
much Behaviors and facts for years. What Sam did was
taught me the perceptions. I can think through their
view. An expert in many ways. Finding a writer that
teaches me something, is rare indeed. Which interview?
How did you come across it, and thank you.
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-tomove-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-857>
+
The interview was Victim Through Abusers Eyes May 25,
2014. I have a few questions for him myself. But
ironically enough, your interview with him answered some
of them. I will definitely listen to them all. How many
did you do?
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
audreymichellepoet
There was a series. How did you find the one you
listened to? A search for Sam? Youtube?
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
audreymichellepoet
I was only 1/2 way through the recovery level I have now
reached.
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
Did you feel the interview and insights he provided
helped with your healing?
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
I found it through a Google search of his name looking
for interviews.
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
audreymichellepoet
Bree, he is my recovery. He is why I am 1/2 the woman
Ive become. He is everything to me.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/abused
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
That is awesome. I look forward to listening to the rest
of your interviews. Thank you! Xx
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
+
audreymichellepoet
Thank you. You made my night!
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August 7, 2015 at 1:07pm08
*
Audrichellepoet, thank you for sharing your poetry. It really
brings to life the torment of addiction. Substance abuse,
toxicity or whatever the vice may be. One hit and your sucked
right back in! Glad you conquered your demons and are staying on
the path :) ~Bree
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July 2, 2015 at 1:07pm07
3.
Amy <http://shirleysheaven.wordpress.com/>
Fabulous post having experienced this myself now. It has been over 3
years since I finally broke free and I am so much better off in
every way now. It was so hard and painful to do but so worth it
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by 2 people <#>
July 2, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
Amy, thank you for your comment! I love to hear success stories
and hope yours will give strength to those who might be reading
this and struggling right now. Thank you so much for sharing!
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July 2, 2015 at 1:07pm07
4.
Susan Ball <http://www.susanball.ca/>
Amazing article. Very well written and touches on several key areas
of the healing journey. I must admit I laughed out loud about
finding your Bertha. I am a Bertha and I loved your analogy. To
everyone whos on their healing journey, stay strong, youve got this.
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by 1 person <#>
July 3, 2015 at 1:07am07
*
Susan, thank you for commenting and for your words of
encouragement to anyone who may be struggling on their journey
to heal said from an actual Bertha! Thats the best :)
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July 3, 2015 at 1:07pm07
5.
Athena Moberg <http://athenamoberg.wordpress.com/>
Reblogged this on Athena Moberg,CPC
<https://athenamoberg.wordpress.com/2015/07/03/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move
-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/>.
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July 3, 2015 at 1:07am07
*
Athena, thank you for the reblog
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July 3, 2015 at 1:07pm07
6.
Lynette d Arty-Cross <http://lynettedartycross.wordpress.com/>
Very informative; excellent advice. :)
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by 1 person <#>
July 3, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
Lynette, thank you for your comment! I appreciate the positive
feedback and hope it helps those who are struggling.
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July 4, 2015 at 1:07am07
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move-on-
after-narcissistic-abuse/?replytocom=444#respond>
7.
Rebellious ScapeGoat <http://rebelliousgoat.wordpress.com/>
This is an amazing blog, thanks sharing your insights.
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July 3, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
Rebellious Scapegoat, thank you for reading and taking the time
to comment. Your positive feedback is very much appreciated!
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July 4, 2015 at 1:07am07
8.
Annie Chace <http://annechace.wordpress.com/>
Reblogged this on Parrots, Prose, and Poetry
<https://annechace.wordpress.com/2015/07/04/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move-on
-after-narcissistic-abuse/>.
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July 4, 2015 at 1:07pm07
9.
cristianedawning <http://relationshitexit.wordpress.com/>
Wonderful written again! You help me so much these days !! Their
human helium tank -good description!! :D
I AM Bertha!! :)
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July 4, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
Christiandawing, Im so glad to hear these blogs are helping
you!!!!! Thank you for commenting and stay strong and informed.
Peace & Happiness my friend
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July 5, 2015 at 1:07am07
10.
cristianedawning <http://relationshitexit.wordpress.com/>
Reblogged this on relationshitexit
<https://relationshitexit.wordpress.com/2015/07/04/11-mental-tips-tricks-tomove-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/>
and commented:
INSIGHT!! -Wonderful written!
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July 4, 2015 at 1:07pm07
11.
Millie
I am sorry, I am new at this site. What is the difference between a
narcissist and a psychopath ? I am not sure in what category my
ex-husband is, I would really like to know what the difference is.
Thanks
Like
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July 4, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
Hi Millie, Here are the differences. This was not written by me
and Im not sure who the writer was but it is the best
description I found between the two. Hope it helps.
A narcissist will talk about himself, a sociopath will get you
to talk about you.
A narcissist will introduce topics of interest or concern to
himself, a sociopath will introduce topics of interest to you.
A narcissist wants to be perceived well, a sociopath wants to be
perceived in whatever way will best suit his purpose.
Both ignore social rules, but a narcissist does it out of lack
of awareness, while a sociopath does it to manipulate situations
for his purpose.
A narcissist is somewhat hapless and unaware of his personality
predicament his behavior and his effect on others; a sociopath
is likely to be aware he is different from people who experience
empathy and knowingly use this difference to get his way.
A sociopath is pre-occupied with winning, while a narcissist is
preoccupied with being appreciated and admired.
A sociopath is a stimulation junky seeking ways to avoid
boredom, while a narcissist may or may not be oriented to high
stimulus activities.
A narcissist is unaware of the aggravating effect he has on
others, while a sociopath is very aware of the effect on others.
A narcissist may demean you, be a bully, or mess with your
career if he perceives you as a threat, while a sociopath will
knowingly try to take you down or out altogether if you get in
his way. A sociopath is likely to be cunning, patient and
strategic in this process. He plays a long game while a
narcissist plays a shorter term game.

A narcissist doesnt mind working hard if it leads to approval,
while a sociopath manipulates to do as little work as possible
for the purpose of having money without expending effort.
A narcissist will have many relationships that end badly, while
a sociopath is more likely to cut and run altogether once their
manipulations are revealed or thwarted.
Both are chameleon-like and adapt their stories to please their
particular listeners, however a sociopath may skirt closer to
the edge of believability somehow managing to get you to doubt
yourself rather than the fantastic story.
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July 5, 2015 at 1:07pm07
o
Millie
Thank you very much for responding. I have searched and read
a lot in so many sites and forums to try to find out exactly
what is wrong with him At the beginning I had the feeling
that there was something off, something odd, but as
years passed I started to notice his weird behavior and
verbal abuse, screams, insults, bullying escalated and
escalated so badly that there was a point where I realized
it was beyond normal. At the beginning I mistook it and I
thought he was immature, bad tempered, insecure, moody, even
a spoiled little brat due to lack of a good upbringing, but
then all those weird, inexplicable behavior, his
provocations, attacks to me FOR NO REASON, out of the blue
and without having a previous argument or fight well, I
started searching FOR YEARS, I swear to God, I typed
BIPOLAR, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY, and nothing would fit. I
spent years and years searching desperately without finding
any help, any light to my confusion and fog.
It was after my Gynecologist told me the MAGIC WORD after
I burst in tears and sobs desperately because I told her
that I could not keep her as my Doctor because very soon I
would be left without medical insurance because my husband
wanted to divorce me and I was in his medical plan, and that
he had left the divorce papers already signed by him and
notarized on our bed with a cover letter and a sticky note
with instructions for me to sign them and notarize them,
still being living under the same roof and sharing the same
bed, ONE WEEK BEFORE THANKSGIVING of 2014, and that he did
not have the decency to talk to me face to face, and that
when I talked to him in person and confronted him, he did
not want to talk to me, or talk about it, and that he was
angry, screaming at me, and rejecting any kind of

conversation or discussion, and that after more that one
week, after begging him and begging him, when he finally
accepted to talk to me (all that still living together), and
I asked him why he did not have the courtesy, the decency to
sit down and talk to me in person, and why he had done it in
such a callous way, he responded: Oh, no, because the scene
would have been horrible and I did not want to go through that.
So, it was there when my Gynecologist told me: FOR GOD
SAKE, WHO DOES THAT !! HE IS A SOCIOPATH!!!!! . After that,
I rushed home after work and finally I could type that word
she had told me, just to find to my HORROR, that there was a
world filled with information, and every site I visited had
tons of descriptions TONS OF THE MOST HORRIFYING THINGS I
HAD EVER READ AND THAT UNFORTUNATELLY TO MY DEVASTATION EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF THEM SEEMED TO BE WRITTEN THINKING OF ME,
LIKE IF THEY KNEW ME AND WERE WRITTING ABOUT MY PERSONAL
LIFE WITH HIM.
As I read them, I was shaking my head and in my desperation
and said: OH MY GOD, NO, PLEASE, NO. THIS CANNOT BE, IT
CANNOT BE, PLEASE, HE CANNOT BE THAT !!!
Ever since December 2014 I have been literally DEVOURING all
the information I can find on the internet, visiting and
scouring all the sites in Google, forums, support groups,
videos, buying books, etc.etc., trying desperately to
educate myself, to FIND THE ANSWERS THAT HE WILL NEVER GIVE ME.
I found the terms: Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath are
used and frankly, after studying all the information I have
read, I still cannot place him in only one category, the
more I read, the more I think he falls in two of them NOT
ONLY ONE, and I dont know if that is possible. I think he
is a Psychopath and a Narcissist, both.
Is that possible ? Could a person suffer from both, are they
compatible ? I knew him for 11 years, I was married for 8,
we got divorced on June 2 of 2015 (He is a Lawyer).
I apologize for my long post.
Thanks
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July 5, 2015 at 1:07pm07
+
Millie, thanks for sharing your story. I myself relate
to much of it. Yeswho ends a relationship in that
way.. only a psychopath, thats who! So typical, always
right before a holidayAdds to the devastation.
All your research is serving you well. You are right on
the money. Not all narcissists are psychopaths but ALL

psychopaths are narcissists! So that answers your
question about why your ex seems to fit so well into
both categories. I wish you much peace, strength and
happiness!!!!~ Bred
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July 5, 2015 at 1:07pm07
12.
Pingback: Poison Control: Why You Should Take The My Out of My
Ex-Narcissist | RelationshiPedia
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/05/poison-control-why-you-should-take-th
e-my-out-of-my-ex-narcissist/>
13.
JILL JONES-SODERMAN
<http://foundatationforthecildvictimsofthefamilycourts.wordpress.com/>
Reblogged this on FOUNDATION FOR THE CHILD VICTIMS OF THE FAMILY
COURTS
<https://foundatationforthecildvictimsofthefamilycourts.wordpress.com/2015/0
7/06/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/>.
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July 6, 2015 at 1:07am07
*
Thank you for the reblog!
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July 6, 2015 at 1:07pm07
o
Daisy
Hi Bree!
I have a 2 questions that maybe you can give me advice on?
Question/Problem #1. How do you get rid of jealousy FOREVER?
The narcissist Im dealing with I once loved, (am trying to
get over)- He has social media accounts like Instagram where
he constantly posts pics of his supermodel girlfriend. So I
guess it makes me jealous, I dont want to call it jealousy
but whenever I see it I get hurt. I cant look away because
Ive actually programmed myself to look at his instagram and
other accounts. And now I cant stop. And he doesnt stop
with posting pics of her. I know hes cheating on her, but I
still get hurt looking at these pictures. Its been going on
for a little more than a year now. How do I stop caring??
How does anyone get rid of jealousy/envy when you felt the
dude was your soulmate? Easier said then done.
And problem #2 Is a big one. He stalks me. He has built
around 40-50+ twitter accounts that he uses at different
points of the day to: 1). Annoy me to death 2). to verbally
attack, makes up riddles and lyrics to also vaguely attack.
Heres the shocker! Using those 40-50 twitter accounts,
hell PRETEND to be a woman, or man! Theyre called role
playing accounts. In case you may not know what role playing
accounts are its when normal people from real life pretend
to be other people using social media. You can pretend to be
a man, woman, celebrity, model, you can be anybody you want
etc. I now realize that somehow during that past 2 years
hes found out that by using these role playing accounts
hes able to get supply= attention from other role
players. Its the absolute perfect place to get attention
24/7 because the role players rarely sleep, are extremely
chatty, and tweet practically all day. They are supportive
of each others fake lives that theyve created etc. Not only
that he has created numerous Facebook accounts and somewhat
does the same on there, & another spy tool. Hell create an
account where you cant tell its him (except me, I know).
One of things that hurts me the most is that on a lot of his
role-playing accounts where hes chosen to be a woman. He
objectifies that particular woman. Theyre usually slutty
looking or pretty and hell post pictures pretending to be
them (strange). Its literally been 1000s of females hes
taken the identity of. Its scary because not only is he a
narcissist but hes a narcissist thats LOST his own
identity, he has LOST IT mentally. Its so ingrained and
hes so knee deep in becoming other people but himself that
hes begun to believe he is one of these accounts. All the
while he has a real life girlfriend that doesnt know,
bemusing! I hear narcissist love doing things they can get
away with behind the scenes, when their loved ones dont
have a clue.
I know hes a narcissist. He has every symptom. Theres just

constant need of outside stimulation, in the form of PEOPLE,
and the fact that hes unable to be alone, in real life or
the imaginary accounts hes been creating. This is why its
so hard in my case to get away from someone as ruthless and
mentally ill as he is. Am I just supposed to never look at
the 40-50 accounts he uses on Twitter/Facebook. I know him,
so its easy for me spot his trail of trash all over the
internet. I think Im good detective but it has a cost, and
the cost for me is that Im bonded to the guy, and hard to
get out. I just dont know how to stop this madness? How I
can come to peace with myself and be okay with it. I always
want to go back to him but hell treat worse but who would
want someone who is that reckless. I do for some reason,
theres something I cant let go of. Advice? I guess what I
really want to know is what is wrong with him? Why would
someone do this.
Great blog by the way. I read it all the time for my sanity,
Daisy x
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-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=499&_wpnonce=16fa5bdfd4>Like
July 7, 2015 at 1:07pm07
+
Daisy, you cant let go because A) he is all over the
net and B) you keep looking. Since you can only control
you, you have to block, delete and not Instagram or
tweet until you are in a stronger place. If I were in
your shoes, I would 1) Create a new FB profile with an
alias (so he cant find you) that you use to keep in
contact with your REAL friends. 2) Deactivate your old
FB profile. 3) Dont accept any friend requests from
people you dont know. 4) Block all the suspected fake
profiles, his profile, the girlfriends profile, just
going on a blocking spree! so you are not tempted to
cyber peak or have any reminders.
As far as Instagram and Twitter are concerned. Stay
awayat least for now. Delete the apps from your phone,
computer, tablet etc..
You dont want this guy who you know is cheating on his
girlfriend and has so many identities he probably has
lost track of who he really is. You are right, that is
mentally ill!
Let him post pictures of his girlfriend, you arent
obligated to have to look at them. Of course you are
going to feel hurt if you see them. Even if she looked
like a troll, believe me, you would still be hurt. Not
because its love, its not even jealousy, its just

human nature. You havent been able to move on because
you havent completely let go. If letting go means that
you take an Instagram and Twitter break because you
cant resist the urge to look, then thats what you have
to do. I promise you, you will thank yourself later when
you hardly ever think of him because you are in a
healthy relationship with someone who knows who they are
and better yet, knows how to treat you right. Social
media is keeping you stuck and trapped and preventing
the wound from healing. I know you already know
narcissists are notorious for keeping tabs on their
exes, its not because they have feelings for or still
love their exes (or anyone else for that matter) its
about control, control, control, and wanting to know if
you are still under their control.
Stay strong and Go STOVER my friend! You deserve better!
~ Bree
Like
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-tomove-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=501&_wpnonce=d535c29417>Like
July 7, 2015 at 1:07pm07
14.
daveyone1 <http://world4justice.wordpress.com/>
Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.
<https://world4justice.wordpress.com/2015/07/07/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-mov
e-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/>.
Like
r-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=496&_wpnonce=bba6e32e4c>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 7, 2015 at 1:07am07
*
Daveyone1, thank you for the reblog!!!!
Like
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move-onafter-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=502&_wpnonce=a53dfca9dc>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 7, 2015 at 1:07pm07

15.
Daisy
Oops forget to say: Going to have to really re-read and spend some
studying the tips on this page. Its not sinking in me. :/
Like
r-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=500&_wpnonce=207e75a698>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 7, 2015 at 1:07pm07
16.
Liz
Dear Bree, Thank you for being a Bertha for many of us! I need to
print this and have these steps in front of me. They are brilliant
advices! I totally forgot about whats-the-face, but I realize that
I continue to abuse myself all by myself. Is this residual brainwash
or a bad habit? I dont even think of the narc anymore, but I grew
up with little support or understanding from my own family. So
naturally I clung to the narc relationship rather than turn to them
for help, as it was met with insults of how stupid I was. It just
made the narc look somewhat normal since I got put down and constant
disapproval from my family. The narc seemed to be the only thing
right, even though I found out he was a hardcore drug-addict, and I
was scared to let go until I just could no longer take the
degradation that comes with being attached to such outrageous drama.
Does the drama have to be greater than our childhood drama to let it
go? Not sure, but I know I willingly put up with a lot of it even
though I detested it! So, I find myself, on a daily basis, mentally
having super negative thoughts about many people or things, which
basically indicates I have trust issues and low self-esteem. I think
your exercises will help dig me out of this hole. I want to be nice
with people and I find myself a bit icy or easily unnerved. Some FB
posts of these pretty, seemingly free-spirited females make me so
uncomfortable at times. I cringe and dont want to draw attention to
their posts, especially when they are gorgeous and take constant
selfies. Inside Im like Fuck off!, and wonder if this is residual
brainwash? Jealous they look so happy and perfect and free, while I
wear a cage around my head, and cannot see my own self-worth. Why
does it burn me up when technically they are not actually doing
something to me? Why do I take it as a direct nauseating assault?
Well, I am lucky to no longer think about the narc anymore, but
could these ugly feelings stem from that or my childhood, and how
can I see me as I really am without getting thrown to the ground by
a Facebook newsfeed?
Like
r-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=509&_wpnonce=f1baeb6c42>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 8, 2015 at 1:07pm07
17.
Pingback: 11 Mental Tips & Tricks To Move On After Narcissistic
Abuse | PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT- #PAS
<http://parentalalienation-pas.com/2015/07/09/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-moveon-after-narcissistic-abuse/>
18.
Millie
Hello Bree. Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate your
support. Again, thank you very much for your help.
Like
r-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=519&_wpnonce=0ab3cfdb85>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 9, 2015 at 1:07pm07
19.
emmagc75 <http://emma75love.wordpress.com/>
Great post!
Like
r-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=566&_wpnonce=cf1deb4893>Like
July 12, 2015 at 1:07pm07
*
Thank you emmagc75! I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Like
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-to-move-onafter-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=567&_wpnonce=57e34a99ee>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 12, 2015 at 1:07pm07
o
I enjoy your blog. Very important!
Like
-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=571&_wpnonce=a9d09770e6>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 12, 2015 at 1:07pm07
+
Emmagc75, I agree spreading awareness and education
about narcissist and sociopaths is so important
especially since they are so good at flying under the
radar!
Like
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-tomove-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=572&_wpnonce=894683661b>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 12, 2015 at 1:07pm07
+
They really are! Especially the shyer, covert narcissists.
Like
<http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/02/11-mental-tips-tricks-tomove-on-after-narcissistic-abuse/?like_comment=574&_wpnonce=42389dfff9>Liked
by 1 person <#>
July 12, 2015 at 1:07pm07
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times. You will feel a lot of conflicting emotions including; sadness,

him/her; If only I was a better wife/husband; If only I saw the

restore our equilibrium and process the trauma of our

Narcissists vs. Sociopaths: 11 Key Similarities & Differences

July 2, 2015 at 1:07pm07

narcissist plays a shorter term game.

angry, screaming at me, and rejecting any kind of

the money. Not all narcissists are psychopaths but ALL

I know hes a narcissist. He has every symptom. Theres just

because its love, its not even jealousy, its just

July 7, 2015 at 1:07pm07

Thank you emmagc75! I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Br Boy, LCSW <://rlosd.wordrss.om/>

Br Boy, LCSW <://rlosd.wordrss.om/>

Br Boy, LCSW <://rlosd.wordrss.om/>

Br Boy, LCSW <://rlosd.wordrss.om/>

I grw u.I dd m !

Sydrom, Clusr B Prsoly Dsordrs, C-PTSD, Slf-Esm Issus,

Nr-Sds Brwsg: T 8 Igrds Of Md Corol

T 8 Mos Commo Nr-Sds Covrso Corol Ts

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11 Mental Tips & Tricks To Move On After Narcissistic Abuse - RelationshiPedia

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