The true1 story of Finbar the Magnificent2

by: Simon the Gatherer 3

All mistakes were made on purpose and serve the general amusement 4
Now be attentive everyone for this is the story you will probably never hear. This is a
story about Finbar the bard. Yes, that one 5. A story of how Finbar slew the Galgatron,
protected all those women he frequently talks about.
When Finbar became the hero he says6 he is, he was merely 12 years old. 7 Rather
young one might think, and correctly so, but more of that later. Finbar grew up solely
about humans. His father an elf who he has never seen and his mother a human who
raised him by herself. Being of mixed blood he never had it easy in his village: No friends
and being bullied and looked down upon constantly.8
In his hometown there was the legend of the Galgatron: A monster, so despicable, that
even describing it would cause you dear reader to puke on the spot. 9 Legend goes that the
Galgatron terrorized the village long before even Finbars parents were born. In the end
brave adventurers and heroes were able to defeat the Galgatron but at great cost. Two of
them died, one of them was eaten and a fourth one vanished from existence. But they
were able to petrify the beast, turning it into a stone statue. 10
Finbar has always been in love with the story of the Galgatron, visiting its horrific
monument whenever possible, listening to every story that was told about it, read every
notice and book that had information about it written inside. Learned of the heroes and
how they petrified the monster, and what could possible free it. In his dream Finbar fought
the Galgatron and when awake he hacked its monument with his wooden sword. 11
Four years he had studied the Galgatron and now that he was 12 years old he would
show everyone in the village that he was not just some dump halfbreed without a real
father, but a hero, even more so than the heroes of old, for he would kill the Galgatron
Using some blood of a cockatrice he bought with all the money he ever earned 12 and
spilling it on the statue. He was ready. Standing in front of the monster, true footed with a
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Totally not true - annotation by Finbar

That on the other hand is true; I am magnificent - annotation by Finbar
A madman, obviously - annotation by Finbar
Yeah right - annotation by Finbar
So you have heard about me - annotation by Finbar
We all know I am - annotation by Finbar
Young for you maybe - annotation by Finbar
Not true. Everybody always loved me - annotation by Finbar
He most probably just doesn't know what it looks like - annotation by Finbar
Great a statue that makes everyone who sees it puke - annotation by Finbar
Please, I never go out with less then a sharp rapier - annotation by Finbar
Must have been really expensive - annotation by Finbar

rusty rapier in both hands. Waiting for its awakening. But as the sun set and the Galgatron
was just as much a statue as it was that morning Finbar lost his hope and went home, to
sleep and prepare his everyday life.
What he did not know1 was that being petrified for centuries takes its toll and more
importantly takes its time to reverse. So it came to be, that 3 hours after midnight with a
loud cracking noise the Galgatron freed itself from the stone prison. The rocks splintering
from its body crashed into the nearest buildings, damaging them severely and its first
movement leveled the local inn.
Finbar awoke from the noise, as did everybody else in the village. Everybody reacted
surprisingly prepared. The elderly and grown ups took up their weapons ready to fight,
whose not able to fight were prepared for evacuation. Although Finbar was willing to fight
he was told to lead the everyone to safety. And so he did. He left south, leading the way,
while always having at least one eye to his home being slowly devastated.
After 6 hours of constant walking exhaustion took its toll. Some of the refugees fell
asleep while still walking, those still awake improvised on building some kind of
encampment, only to break down upon their make-shift beds. Only Finbar would not give
in to his weakness2 always one eye on the horizon, both hands on his rapier.
And the Galgatron came. Faster then Finbar ever imagined3 it could move. It came
directly for the encampment having the refugees smell in its nose. As the beast entered
the camp it seemed to recognize Finbar looking at him almost appreciative Finbar put
himself between the terrified or sleeping survivors and charged in with his rapier pointing
at the Galgatron. He struck true, but the small weapon was not nearly strong enough to
hurt the beast. The Galgatrons attack hit Finbar knocking him unconscious.4
When he awoke from his involuntary slumber with feint music in his ears. The tune was
sad and reminded him of a funeral. His head was bedded on a young womans tights who
seems to be the one humming the tune. Finbar abruptly raised himself and assesses the
situation. Except for himself, the women and two men he has never seen before in his live
everything seemed to have died in the nearby vicinity. Even the trees and grass died. At
least there was no sign of the Galgatron.
The women looked at him with her eyes full of sympathy asking him to lay down again
and telling them his name and what happened here. One of the man praised his fighting

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I know everything, please - annotation by Finbar

I have no weaknesses - annotation by Finbar
I can actually imagine quite a lot - annotation by Finbar
We all know I killed the Galgatron - annotation by Finbar

spirit the other one his bravery1. And once Finbar finished telling what happened the
women took what she heard and spun out the story of Finbar the magnificent and how he
slew the Galgatron, protecting 100 women.2
So say the records of Simon the Gatherer,
written down in the Library of Non-Exististan in the Land of Never-Been-There

1 Both true just so you know - annotation by Finbar

2 Please, I thought of it myself - annotation by Finbar