The Secret Goldfish

It broke Franks heart every time he watched his daughter, Miranda, talk to her pet
goldfish. Ever since her mother had died a few years earlier, his eight-year-old daughter
had started talking to her fish, the last gift Linda, her mother, had ever given her.
Sometimes, Frank wished Linda had not succeeded in convincing him that adopting a
child was a good choice. As always, he thought living in Hollywood had something to do
with her desire to adopt. Every time Linda had opened up a magazine, Angelina Jolie had
brought back another child from some an exotic country. If he had been younger, he
probably could have raised a daughter on his own. However, he and Linda were in their
sixties when they adopted Miranda. Frank had objected to adopting because he knew he
would not have the stamina to play with an energetic child. Now with Linda gone, he had
to raise a healthy daughter and deal with all the girl stuff he never seemed to
understand.
Each time he saw Miranda talk to her fish, Frank felt a pang of guilt. A few
months after her mother had died, so had the fish, and Frank wanted to protect his baby
girl. Without her knowing, he picked out another goldfish at the pet store after Miranda
had fallen asleep. Since then, he had replaced each goldfish with another, and Miranda
had never noticed. Frank walked into the living room, then sat on the burnt orange carpet
next to his brown-haired daughter while she talked to her fish.
Hi mom. Its me, Miranda. Daddy is here too! I lost another tooth yesterday and
the tooth fairy gave me a dollar! Do you want to see it? she asked as she put a single
dollar bill against the glass of her fishbowl. When she smiled, a gap between her teeth
could be seen.
Dad, say something to mom! Come on! she urged Frank.
Hi Linda. Miranda and I are fine. We went to the park yesterday. Honey, do you
want to tell mom who we saw? Frank knew that Mirandas fish meant a lot to her, and
always tried to encourage her to talk to it.
We saw Aladdin from the movie daddy gave me! I even took a picture with him!
Jasmine was there too, but I didnt want a picture with her. Aladdin is cooler, she told
her fish.
It was a sad but sweet moment for Frank. Miranda had yet to figure out that
talking to her fish was not the same as talking to her mother. At the same time, however,
he was lucky to have such a believing daughter. It made living without her mom so much
easier for both him and Miranda. As usual, Frank felt terrible about lying to her, and
could not bear to look at her, so he looked at the carpet. Linda had always wanted to
replace the dark orange carpet with a more subtle color, and Frank was more than happy
to comply. Living in Hollywood, he knew that appearance was everything. Plus, he had
inherited a large sum of money from his fathers fortune. However, after she died,
replacing the carpet meant replacing another of his memories of Linda.

Frank had been rich even when he met Linda forty years ago at Columbia. At
first, she teased him incessantly about being so rich, but they fell in love. Their marriage
was never one of compromise, as their personalities were so similar. Adopting a child was
the first real difference in choice they ever had. Still, Frank knew that Miranda had made
her very happy when she was alive. If it werent for Miranda, Frank probably could not
have survived without his wife.
The day Linda died was still vivid in Franks mind. It was one of those days when
it was pouring rain and everything seemed magical. Miranda was only five and was
terrified of rain. Since there was no lightning and it was warm outdoors, Linda bundled
her up in many more layers than necessary and carried her outside.
Im going to put you down, Miranda. I want you to close your eyes, stick out
your tongue, and make a wish when you catch a raindrop in your mouth, Linda directed
her daughter.
Miranda was terrified and refused to let Linda put her on the ground. Finally,
Linda convinced Miranda to stand on her own. I want you to remember that you can do
anything you set your mind to. Nothing can stop you unless you let it. But if you ever
need any help, Ill be there for you, no matter where I am, she told Miranda. Although
Miranda just thought she was trying to make her conquer her fear on the rain, Linda told
her something that, even at such a young age, would stick with her forever.
After Linda and Miranda returned to the house and dried off, Linda was exhausted
and lay down in bed. She was shivering because the rain had soaked her clothes and
suddenly felt chest pains and a shooting pain down her arm. She cried out for help, but
Frank did not come soon enough. He rushed Linda to the emergency room, but it was too
late. At sixty-five, Linda had died from a heart attack.
Frank and Linda had been soulmates. They were perfect for each other and rarely
disagreed over anything. If Frank did not have to care for Miranda, he might have never
recovered from the shock. Even three years after her death, there were waves of sadness
that washed over him when something reminded him of Linda, like the orange carpet and
the rain; most of all, though, he was reminded of his late wife by Miranda. Her curly
brown hair and smiling blue eyes were a mirror image of Linda. Not a day passed when
Frank did not think about Linda. He decided to go to sleep, even though it was still early,
because he did not want Miranda to see him so upset.
The next morning, Miranda came to Franks room, sobbing. She hugged her
fishbowl and could barely speak she was crying so hard.
Whats wrong, honey? Are you hurt? Frank asked with concern. All Miranda
did was shake her head.

Is your fish alright? he asked, this time realizing why Miranda was holding a
fishbowl. Frank was devastated; Miranda had seen her fish dead before he could buy
another one.
Im so sorry! We can go buy a new one today. Im sorry this happened, honey,
but its just another of the struggles of growing up. This just prompted Miranda to cry
more, and Frank had no clue as to why this happened. Finally, Miranda spoke.
Its not mom, then! Ive always talked to mom! I dont want another fish, I just
want mom! she shouted, through tears, to her father even though he was only trying to
help. Then, she ran out of the bedroom, down the winding staircase, and out the door.
There, she sat by the fountain in her front yard. Everywhere she looked was something
expensive and showy, but she did not want any of that. No amount of money could bring
back her mom, and that was all Miranda really wanted. With her fish dead, Miranda had
no connection left with her mom. She sat on the lawn with her arms hugging her legs, and
cried so hard her body shook. Frank came up behind her and held her, letting her come to
terms with the fact that her mother was gone.
I know you miss mom, and I do, too. Not a day passes when either of us does not
think about her, but that does not mean it needs to stop now. You can pray for her, and
talk to her in your dreams. She will always be here in spirit, Frank told Miranda as he
tried to calm her. Slowly, she stopped crying but still would not talked to him. He tried to
hold her hand and comfort her, but she pulled away, isolating herself to avoid the pain of
the truth.
Later that day, Frank bought Miranda a Barbie and showed it to her. But instead
of being excited, she told him, This is not what I want. I hate Barbies and all the fancy
toys you get me. I just want to play with you. Barbies are fake, and I want something
real. In Hollywood, real was hard to find though. Frank could not even play with
Miranda in the yard because of his age.
Come with me inside. I want to show you something, Frank suddenly told his
daughter.
Why? I dont want to go anywhere, she refused, confused by the vague request.
Please, just come with me. Im sure you will be happy you did, Frank said to
Miranda. She rolled her eyes, but followed nonetheless. Frank led her to his room and
opened a small closet Miranda never knew existed. Inside was everything a girl would
ever need. It included teddy bears, Disney movies, nail polish, and lip gloss.
The day we adopted you, your mother bought all of these, Frank explained as
he motioned to the closet, but she realized that you would not need them yet. Do you
remember the Aladdin movie I gave you for your birthday? Frank asked. Miranda
nodded, still confused. After your mom died, I decided I would give you one of these
gifts every year. I dont mind if you take them now. These are all gifts from your mother,

and even though she is not with us anymore, they came from her heart and were meant
for you.
Miranda picked a fuzzy black-and-white tiger stuffed animal and gave it a hug.
She whispered in its ear, Hi mom. Thanks for the gifts. Do you want to see my tooth?

I uphold the NA honor code. _______________________