Pilcrow & Dagger News

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Volume II Edition XXXIX

NaNoWriMo Sparks Protest

By A. Marie Silver

For many writers all

over the world, November
is National Novel Writing
Month a time where
writers unite on social
media websites to produce
50,000 words in 30 days.
Usually, this is an exciting
time in the literary
communities.
We meet at a coffee
shop after work, said
Filomena Fiction. A
bunch of us gather
together and participate in
a writing sprint for an
hour.
Unfortunately,
not
every writer is behind
NaNoWriMo. In fact, this
year a bunch of writers
have gathered together in
protest.

We are the antiNaNos,

said Wiley
Block,
the
group
organizer. And today
were marching through
the streets, protesting this
ridiculous tradition. If you
need a special month to
motivate you, youre not
much of a writer.
City streets across the
country were filled with
individuals who are tired
of feeling ostracized for
not participating in this
event.
I dont know what
this is protest is about,
said one young protestor.
Im just participating to
get extra credit for English
class.
The protestors have
pledged to carry their
signs until December 1rst.

Religion & Coffee

By Snoop Cubby

It seems that not even

coffee can escape religious
persecution of one kind or
another. After various
religious
institutions
complained that Starbucks
wasnt religious enough
because of their plain Jane
coffee cups, other coffee
houses also began feeling
the heat.
At Silo & Mos Coffee
shop, the coffee cups there
are red and white striped
like a candy cane for the
upcoming holiday. But
apparently that wasnt
enough.
The red & white
stripes suggest a religious
battle between God and
the Devil, said Mary
Staan a member of a local

religious
rights
organization. It isnt clear
who wins the battle. If
these people want our
cooperation, they need to
write Merry Christmas on
their coffee cups.
Still the problem with
doing so lies with the
organizations who want
freedom from religion.
Any company that
puts Merry Christmas on
their coffee cups, said
Stana Milton, leader of a
Freedom group. Will be
boycotted and taken to
court. Coffee and religion
dont mix.
Of course coffee and
religion dont mix, said
one customer. Thats
what cream and sugar are
for.

Solitary Universities
By LeeAnn Rhoden

With the recent turmoil

on our nations college
campuses, a new system is
being tested. If this
experimental
system
works, it may very well be
implemented across the
country.
The recent call has
been for safe places
where students can be
safe
from
microaggressions
and
free
speech or expressions by
other students or faculty. It
became apparent that a
student who doesnt want
to hear certain speech and
establishes a safe zone is
making other students
stifle their speech and
expression thus making
them feel unsafe. Both
situations were deemed
unacceptable.
To provide a safe
place, a local college is
trying something new.
Students will be placed in
safe rooms upon entering
the campus and from this
room they will have access
to online classes and social
media. They will first fill
out a battery of survey
questions developed by
eHarmony to match them
with a course of study that
wont hurt their feelings,

cause them to hear

anything they disagree
with or will make them
uncomfortable, make them
think, or study too hard.
Also, their social media
access will only allow
them to have contact with
other students who match
their
interests
and
sensibilities.
The safe rooms will be
padded so the students
wont come into contact
with hard surfaces or sharp
edges and food will be
delivered on demand.
They dont ever have to
venture out into the harsh,
insensitive, free world
until they graduate. It is
encouraged that students
self
safe-zone
themselves.
What if the students go
outside?
Administrators
warn that outside their safe
rooms
students
may
encounter people with
opposing
views
and
beliefs to their own. It is
suggested that they not
speak to strangers or delve
into discussions on topics
other than the weather,
phone apps, and beer
pong.
If this solitary study
program is successful it
may be implemented on
other campuses.

Weather

Index

The weather has been

inclement
and
disappointing. The pretty
autumn leaves are wet and
soggy in some areas and
falling too quickly in
others. And still other
areas (Florida) is refusing
to participate in autumn at
all.

More News.............Page 2
Dear Monica...........Page 2
Editorial..................Page 2
Letters To Editor...............
........Page 2
Rant & Raves..........Page 2
Sports......................Page 2
Horoscope...............Page 3
Puzzles....................Page 3
Classifieds...............Page 3

Sunday, November 15, 2015 Page 2

Sports
By Daniel LeBoeuf

This column is thinking

that college athletics are a
vastly underused tool for
politicking, and one area of
our lives where politics has
been, up until now, largely
absent. What a shame. If
anything needs a political
presence,
its
college
athletics. This is an idea
that
the
Presidential
hopefuls could tap into.
For example, Carly Fiorina
could ask the UCLA and
USC teams to wear her last
name on their jerseys until
her polling numbers in
California go up. Sadly
Wellesley doesnt have a
football team to go on
strike until the FBI stops
investigating Hillary.
I cant think of anyone
Id rather take political
advice from than football

coaches.
They could
diagram the debates for us,
explain
how
poor
campaign staff decisions
affected
this
weeks
polling numbers, and give
us a behind-the-scenes
perspective on fundraising
activities.
There
should
be
political analysts in the
announcing booths, letting
us know how the moods of
the players are changing
during the games, how
each play affects their
voting
decisions,
and
maybe
using
the
Telestrator
to
draw
pictures of daisies with
candidates faces in the
middle.
Lastly, who wouldnt
want to watch a national
championship game named
the Donald Trump Bowl?

Happenings
By Blabby Rumor

So in the past few

weeks weve seen Sen.
Webb drop out of the
Democratic primary race
probably
because
he
realized hes a Republican.
Chaffe had a brief moment
of lucidity and also
dropped out. OMalley
hasnt realized yet that the
party wont ever endorse
him. Suddenly, Bernie
gives a damn about
Hillarys emails.

The Republicans have

sparred a few more times
once
against
the
moderators
and
once
against each other. Jindal
and Kasich were angry and
threw punches at the other
candidates making them
appear
desperate
and
undesirable;
Jeb
and
Marco werent speaking to
each other; Donald didnt
comment on Carlys face
(or anything else); and the
only
one
appearing
presidential was Christie.

Rants & Raves

To the moron in the
grocery store - PICK A
SIDE OF THE AISLE!
You cannot just stroll up
and down the aisle, stop,
and browse in the middle
of the aisle preventing
others with lives and
responsibilities
from
getting around you.

To the supporters of
NaNoWriMo Your word
counts are boring. Find
something else to share on
Facebook!
To all of my friends and
family, thank you for the
straight jacket. But, I
promise you, Im not
crazy; Im a writer. And
those voices, are my
characters talking to me.

Volume II Edition XXXIX

Editorial

Letter to Editor

By Sham Farce

Social media has its

moments when people
actually use it for its
intended purpose to
socialize with complete
strangers who might be
serial killers. But the
amount
of
spam
messages I receive in my
inbox every day is growing
at an alarming rate. Who
are these people and what
makes them think that I, a
man,
need
breast
enlargements?
For my own amusement,
I set up a Twitter account
for my cat. Shes a cranky
beast with nothing nice to
say to anyone, much like
my advice columnist. After
reviewing some of the
messages
she
was
receiving on Twitter, I
realized
that
these
spammers were actually
robots. After all, why
would a cat a detail
clearly stated in her profile

need
a
penis
enlargement,
or
be
interested in paying to see
pictures of naked women?
Its from this experience
that Pilcrow & Dagger
promises never to spam
anyone. We will never
offer breast enlargements
or try to sell porn to your
cats.

Dear Mr. Farce,

I am disheartened by
the Word of the Year
article. What is up with all
these new words? What's
wrong with the words we
already have? Can't we just
use those? Why do we
have to make up new
words or alter meanings?
It's just wrong. And really,
binge-watch?
People
actually have time to
watch show after show
after show? What about
working? What about
keeping their homes and
yard nice? What about
socializing with people? I
think it shows how sad and
lonely our society has
become.
Sincerely,
Peter Roget
Dear Mr. Farce,
This letter is in
reference to the article
published
last
week
regarding the word of the
year. Correct me if Im
wrong but isnt bingewatching technically two
words? Is the hyphen
actually a minus sign? Is
this supposed to be a
Common Core test? I dont
understand
the
math
involved. When I see
binge-watching, I see
two words. Please explain.
Sincerely,
Confused.

Dear Monica
Dear Monica,
Thanksgiving
is
coming and I want to
invite my boyfriend to my
home but I don't know if I
should because my mom
doesn't know I'm gay.
Should I just come out?
- Closeted
Dear Closeted,
She already knows. Get
over yourself.

Dear Monica,
For the past two years
Ive been trapped inside of
a book. My writer, refuses
to finish my story so I can
leave. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Character
Dear Character,
I dont write advice for
imaginary
characters.
Sorry about your luck.

Sunday, November 15, 2015 Page 3

Volume II Edition XXXIX

Classifieds

Horoscope

For Sale
Mens cufflinks
from England.
Dont
know
how I ended up
with them. Best
offer.

Wanted
Looking for a
herd of goats or
sheep to graze in
my yard to keep
it mowed.

Personals
Cat
lover
looking
for
same. Must have
own kitty condo
and litter box.

For sale lawn

mower blades.
Need sharpening
and
cleaning
and
removal
from my mower.

Will take your

old
pallets.
Clean only. Not
used
for
fertilizers
or
pesticides.

Single dad of 3
boys
seeks
single mom of 3
girls. Have a
housekeeper
who will stay.

Hiring
Office Assistant.
Must
be
bilingual, skilled in
all
Microsoft
Office
programs, website
maintenance, inside and out-side
sales, logistics,
scheduling and
phones. $8 per
hour.

Real Estate
Room for rent.
Shared
bath,
kitchen,
and
family
room.
Rent reduced for
walking dog.

Notices
Pilcrow
&
Dagger
is
accepting
submissions for
the
January
2016 issue. The
theme is Fairy
Tales, Fantasy,
and
Science
Fiction.
Get
them in quick!

1400
sq
ft
professional
space perfect for
CPA or attorney.
Or can be used as
a home.

Pilcrow

March 21
- April 19

Exclamation
Point

April 20 May 20

Interrobang
Question
Mark
Therefore
Sign
Ampersand
Irony
Mark
Section
Sign

Octothorpe

Sudoku

&

&

&

? @

& @

& @ *

@ &

&

# @

@ ?

&

@ *

&

May 21 June 20
June 21 July 22

&

July 23 Aug 22
Aug 23 Sept 22

Sept 23 Oct 22
Oct 23 Nov 21

Authority
Point
Because
Sign

Dagger

Nov 22 Dec 21

Dec 22 Jan 19
Jan 20 Feb 18
Feb 19 March 20

You have amazing ideas on

your mind. No sleep for
you.
You have romance and
money on your mind. Both
will cause panic.
You may meet someone
new. It could be romantic
or not.
You feel and look great.
Dont overdue or youll
feel and look tired.
You will meet your knight
in shining armor but there
is a tiny rust spot on it.
Youll host a group of
artistic people. Fun times!
This is the day to start
writing. Ignore the chatter
and rumors.
Money matters are going
well so start your own
venture.
Let your imagination run
wild and enjoy the ride.
Get your head out of the
clouds and focus on
learning new technology.
Dont look in your group of
friends for a romantic
partner.
Dream
about
work
advancement but do the
work too.

Cryptogram
XJ YTSBOQLN QGV ETSY ZGL TSPJ;
ZGLNN JBC LU TSPDBK IGVJ. DQ
ZGL HGBHJBYVSYJ GB ETSY ZGL
CGBY TSPJ, ZGL EDNN BJPJV, JPJV
TSPJ JBGLKT.
- GUVST EDBQVJZ

Answer from last weeks paper

Hint: T = H
Answer in next paper