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50 First Dates Script
50 First Dates Script
-Snorkeling.
-Mountain climbing.
We slow danced....
-Married.
-Gay.
-Henry Roth.
-Harry.
Harry Paratesticles.
-Henry Roth.
-Henry Roth.
-Henry Roth.
-Henry Roth.
code blue.
Got it?
Well, goodbye.
All of you.
It could happen.
Don't be scared.
Everything's gonna be fine.
-Okay.
-Just hang in there.
-Here.
-It's gonna be all right.
One, two....
You should go
wash yourself off, okay?
Captain's log:
November th, :
a.m.
Damn it!
Aloha, honey.
What can l get for you?
-You guess?
-Yeah, l already ate breakfast.
Hey.
Let me guess.
years older.
-You're back.
-Couldn't get enough of that Spam.
-Hi, Lucy.
-Hi, Nick.
l'm Lucy.
is coming from.
-Wanna?
-Okay.
-Mysterious?
-Yeah, yeah.
-l have to go.
-It's a tradition.
-That sounds nice. Okay, well...
-Me too.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
-l wish l could make it...
-Take care.
-Okay.
-Aloha.
-Aloha!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.
Shit.
-All right.
-He was a big one.
Which means
''look at those two shitheads.''
My life sucks.
-What?
-Hey, Dad!
ls that right?
How'd you get that nasty cut, anyway?
Nice.
Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?
-Really?
-Yeah. Tomorrow and the next day...
Oh, my.
-What happened?
-Your ball hooked into that cart...
-What?
-Who's Lucy?
What am l thinking?
-Wow.
-l'm sorry.
-Hey! Tattoo-Face!
-Hey, Peanut Butter Cups!
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, pervert.
l think that you should leave.
Yesterday?
Okay.
th of last year.
...and October
was a Sunday.
th
-Hello!
-Back here.
-Hi, Dad!
-Oh, hi, sweetie.
White.
-Really?
-Yeah. Go nuts.
-Sounds great.
-Okay, good.
Good idea.
-Spaghetti, Pop.
-Try not to sweat in the sauce.
Sorry, Pop.
Go Vikings.
Hey, sweetie.
How's the painting coming?
-You'll see.
-Cool.
- .
Touchdown, Minnesota.
-Dad.
-Moron!
That hurt.
-Sure.
-Sure.
Ben Friedkin?
-Ronald Sumner?
-I am. I am a freak. Look at me.
l'm shocked.
Did you see that coming?
-No.
-Not a clue.
-Shocked as hell.
-Anyway, it was awesome.
-Happy birthday.
-Love you, Sis.
-l like it.
-Sweet dreams, Lucy.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Yeah?
So, basically,
what you're saying is...
-What is?
-It's evil.
No, it isn't.
Nearly midnight.
l think my stitches
opened up again, cuz.
How is it?
-Who that?
-Who that? Me that.
l bet you
-You're on.
-l love it.
Oh, mahalo.
See you in a bit.
Don't worry.
Swivelly door.
Waffleonians can
come in and out now.
-Yeah.
-That was pathetic.
on your Spam?
Forty.
l need something
to wipe my ass with.
Shut up.
...can't read.
Pan....
Pan....
Panku--
Ca--
Panclocks.
-Pancakes.
-Okay, l'll have pancake.
-Pancakes.
-Pancah-- Pancakes! Pancakes!
-l'm so stupid!
-Oh, don't cry.
-Okay.
-All right.
-Except after C?
-Yes.
-Yes.
-l think l'm getting it.
Okay.
Really?
Okay, okay.
-Yeah, me too.
-Thank you very much.
Sure.
Okay.
Okay.
-That's what?
-All that flirting...
-l can't read.
-Oh, shut up.
She's inside.
We're gonna straighten things out.
l'm calm.
Give us a break.
Just stay away from the Hukilau Cafe.
-l chickened out.
-Really?
-What?
-Yeah. No, l agree, buddy.
-Absolutely.
-Yeah?
-Like?
-For example...
-Car trouble?
-Yeah. You mind giving me a jump?
Okay.
l'm sorry.
l was just joking around.
Oh, my God.
Breakfast?
-Yeah.
-How was it?
-You do?
-That's my thing.
-Oh, shit.
-Here she comes. Smile.
Where is she?
-Take it easy.
-Try to bang our women.
Making my sister
clean your hotel room.
l'm sorry.
My eye!
Oh, Kamehameha!
-Oh, shit.
-Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
l don't know.
-What?
-Can l ask you guys something?
years overnight.
Pardon me.
So l'm sorry.
Ringo.
-No. McCartney.
-McCartney, okay.
-Oh, no.
-All right. l'm sorry.
l'm coming.
-l don't.
-This is ridiculous.
What?
What?
Sweetheart...
Oh, no!
l have?
Wow.
Do we have sex?
No, we don't.
Just so everybody knows that.
We want to.
Just kidding.
Hey, Lucy.
Good to see you again.
Oh, yeah.
-Who's Goldfield?
-A brilliant Lithuanian psychiatrist.
He himself suffered
temporal-lobe damage.
-Oh, okay.
-Nice move.
of wet dreams.
Yeah? How?
...Tom.
-Marlin.
-Doug.
-Lucy.
-Hi.
Cool flip-flops.
Where'd you get them?
-Henry.
-Hi.
-Marlin.
-Tom lost part of his brain...
seconds.
Don't worry.
You'll get over it in seconds.
-Hi.
-Doug.
-Hey.
-Marlin.
Okay.
Good night.
-Sure.
-l don't want you to...
...lilies.
Lilies?
Good night.
Good night.
-Lover-boy.
-Yes, sir.
-Thank you.
-How long is it gonna take?
About a year.
Very funny.
It's a videotape.
A videotape of what?
l have no idea.
today?
-That's cute.
lf it doesn't work,
we've only wasted one day.
Oh, God!
-I got it.
-Don't drop it.
...will be played
by my good friend, Ula.
-We ready?
-Yeah.
My name is Lucy.
Smell my fingers?
...he's okay.
All right.
...disgusting.
Yeah.
Thanks, Luce.
Mahalo.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-You must be Lucy's friend.
Yes, ma'am.
You asshole!
You're in trouble.
l gotta go tinkle.
-Really?
-Yes.
Sure.
And....
And...
l know. l know.
It's the
rd time for me
th time.
-Yeah?
th date...
All right.
He is awesome! He is so smart.
-Very good.
-Can l ask him a question?
Go ahead.
Jocko...
-Use that.
-Oh, wow. Look!
-Yeah.
-They're--
-Thank you.
-My pleasure.
Forgetful Lucy
Forgetful Lucy
Forgetful Lucy
Lucy.
Yeah.
-Of course.
-Good.
Never.
Good morning.
Oh, shit!
-Help! Help!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucy.
lf l was lying,
how would l know this?
-Stalker!
-No, don't you remember me a little?
Thanks, buddy.
That's my joke.
Well...
Henry?
-Hey!
-How's your head?
-Really?
-l was so nervous to come here...
No.
l'll be at my house.
Saturday, November
th.
It's not all about how long you go. It's-There was a connection, l thought.
Henry, wait!
Okay, baby.
l love you.
Thanks, buddy.
Remember to use a condom.
Well....
Be careful.
Hey! Kikikuloa!
l guess.
-Doug!
-That's all right.
-l'm sorry.
-So...
...how's Lucy?
-l will.
-Okay.
Can l touch?
Sure.
Yes.
What an asshole!
Oh, why?
Oh, my God.
Holy shit!
Oh.
What?
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy Whitmore...
-No.
-No?
That sucks.
Henry.
Well, yeah.
-Really?
-No. Not really.
This is my studio.
Why?
You erased me
from your memories...
Henry.
-I do.
-Really?
years...
Mazel tov!
Hi, Mommy.
That's right.
Good morning.
Oh, my goodness!
-Grandpa's here.
-Hi, Dad.