PAGE 18 • THE RAM • APRIL 1, 2010
Executive Director of Athletics Thinks Job is ‘Cushy’ Joke
MATT
MANUSZAK
The Smush
Parker Project
As discovered by The Ram, star
freshman basketball player Chris
Gaston has decided to transfer.
In other news, who cares? Sports
are worthless, useless, point-
less…pretty much any word
ending in “less.” They are the
mark of an administration simply
trying to control the great, un-
washed masses. Did you know in
Ancient Rome, they used sports
to appease the plebeians? Did
you? Well, that’s what Wikipedia
said!
Fordham is not a school for
plebeians! We have the number
41 number 48 business school
in the country! We are a school
of well-to-do, well dressed indi-
viduals. What, so the guy in the
$3,000 suit is supposed to go to
the basketball game? Come on!
No one at this school really
needs to follow Fordham sports.
Even if you’re a weak person and
somehow need sports in your life,
there are always the sports teams
in New York. How bout them
Bronx Bombers? A-Rod and the
boys should provide enough fire-
power for any sports fan/peasant
to be satiated, and don’t forget,
we have the best young quar-
terback in the NFL right here,
in New York! Isn’t Eli Manning
Mark Sanchez a big enough draw
that Fordham shouldn’t have
to worry about its own football
team? Have you ever looked into
Mark Sanchez’s eyes? I did: it
was like the first time I heard the
Beatles.
Basketball: again, why should
anyone care about basketball?
The Knicks aren’t even good, so
therefore the NBA does not mat-
ter, and neither should basketball
at Fordham! Everyone knows
that in order for any basketball
to matter, the Knicks have to be
good! At least, that’s what the
guy on the radio keeps screaming
at me, but he’s probably right…
because his voice is so loud!
When I was applying to Ford-
ham, my list of priorities looked
something like this: 1) Hot girl
percentage (nice!); 2) Cafeteria
food (love it!); yeah, academ-
ics and whatever were on the list
too, but where were athletics?
Nowhere!
Yet, regardless of how little
sports matter, Fordham has de-
cided to increase spending for
basketball! What? When John
Hughes and our Founding Fa-
thers created Fordham, they
promised a limited administra-
tion, so as not to infringe on free-
dom as a student: this spending
is inflating the size of our admin-
istration! Look, I’m not a lunatic,
nutjob, wackjob, or any other
word ending in job. I’m just a
man who cares about his school.
The transfer of Chris Gaston
is not a tragedy: if anything, it is
a boon! Maybe now, our admin-
istration will finally realize that
sports don’t matter at all.
By DERECK WHITTENBURG
FRANK’S BFF
In an exclusive interview with
The Ram on Monday, longtime Ex-
ecutive Director of Athletics Frank
McLaughlin made the statement
that “he just doesn’t care anymore”
about his responsibilities for the
position.
“This job is just too much for
anybody,” he said. “We’ve made a
lot of decisions as an athletic de-
partment that have left Fordham
stuck at the bottom of the Atlantic
10. It will take forever for Fordham
to get our teams the help they need,
and frankly I just don’t have that
work ethic anymore.”
When asked if there was an inci-
dent that caused him to feel this way,
McLaughlin cited a combination of
factors, including pressure from the
A-10 to improve Fordham’s basket-
ball programs along with its other
sports, athletics being a “non-pri-
ority” with Vice President of Stu-
dent Affairs Jeff Gray and the rest
of Fordham’s administration and
his general lack of satisfaction with
running the department.
“I have no interest in worry-
ing about raising money or keep-
ing tabs on my coaches anymore,”
McLaughlin said. “My favorite part
of the day is lunch, which I haven’t
missed once in 23 years. That’s
when I’m most happy.”
McLaughlin seemed to show
Senior Profile: Quarterback John Skelton
By MEL KIPER, JR.
STAFF HAIR STYLIST
The Ram: What happened during
your last two seasons? In 2007 the
Rams won the Patriot League but
your last two seasons were both dis-
appointments.
John Skelton: Yeah, my final two
seasons were just a letdown, I guess.
A lot of our players didn’t play to their
potential and we had problems like
injuries. I think I tried and played my
best, but my teammates just didn’t
have the talent or consistency to sup-
port me.
TR: You broke a number of school
records while quarterbacking Ford-
ham. To what do you attribute your
success at Fordham?
JS: I’ve always had a lot of natural
talent. I have a great arm and a beauti-
ful body that I take a lot of care of. But
my natural talent wouldn’t have done
anything for me if I hadn’t worked
hard every day and applied myself to
be the best.
TR: Gil Brandt had you ranked No.
9 among college senior QB prospects
this past summer. What was your ini-
tial reaction when you heard about
this?
JS: It was exciting. It was great to
be on a list with Heisman Trophy
winners, but I felt like I deserved to
be on the same list with those guys. It
was recognition for my hard work. I
have as much talent, if not more, than
any QB in the country, and I think I
showed I’m just as good as those guys
during the season and in the draft pro-
cess.
TR: Let’s talk about the draft
process. How do you think you per-
formed at the NFL and combine and
during your pro day at Fordham?
JS: Not to brag, but I think I did an
excellent job at both. Sure, I had a little
difficulty with accuracy, but I think I
SPORTS
little concern when asked if his feel-
ings of ambivalence have affected
the search for a permanent men’s
basketball head coach.
“Oh, I still have no idea who’s go-
ing to permanently obtain the job,”
he said. “We’ll just need to find
someone’s who so desperate for a
job that they’re willing to overlook
Fordham’s overwhelming lack of
success and dedication to success
in basketball. Oh, and they bet-
ter not be expecting a new arena
anytime soon. That’s in the distant
future unless a donor steps up with
millions in funds.”
McLaughlin also said he has lit-
tle involvement in former Fordham
quarterback John Skelton’s quest to
get selected in the NFL draft.
“I haven’t been following the
draft process much but John’s a
great kid and I’m sure someone will
want him,” he said.
Although the announcement by
Fordham of a much larger com-
mitment to men’s basketball is
supposed to demonstrate the uni-
versity’s commitment to becom-
ing better at athletics, McLaughlin
called it a “stop-gate measure.”
“The budget increase is just
meant to impress potential coaches
and recruits and make them think
we have a long-term plan in place
for improving the basketball pro-
gram,” he said. “The athletic de-
partment has no real plan in place
for spending this money or im-
Quarterback John Skelton hopes to be drafted in late April and signed to an NFL team by the start of the 2010 season.
eventually figured that part out. I’m
a physical specimen, and I definitely
showed how athletic I am and how
great my arm is at these events. NFL
scouts and teams want big, athletic
quarterbacks with strong arms and no
one fits those criteria better than me.
TR: Around the time of the com-
bine, Todd McShay criticized your
play during workouts and stated that
you had a poor work ethic. What do
you think of McShay’s statements?
JS: Mcshay was and is 100 percent
wrong. I’ve always worked as hard as I
could and welcomed assistance when
I needed it. His statement was wrong
and out of line. It seems like McShay
enjoys saying the controversial and
attention-grabbing thing, rather than
giving legitimate analysis. I look for-
ward to proving him and other doubt-
ers wrong.
TR: At this time it looks like you
Executive Director of Athletics Frank McLaughlin is seen hiding in the upper
left hand corner of this photo during a basketball game.
proving the program. We’ve been
following the same tired strategies
the entire time I’ve been here; do
you think the department can sud-
denly switch to running a modern
program?
McLaughlin said he still believes,
despite the struggles, that Fordham
will be in the A-10 for the foresee-
able future.
“The A-10 won’t kick us out, the
New York market is too valuable
for them,” he said. The A-10 losing
Fordham would be like MLB losing
will be drafted in the middle-to-late
rounds of the NFL draft. From what
you’ve heard from guys with the NFL
where do you see yourself being draft-
ed?
JS: Oh, it’s so hard to tell. I think I
have as much talent and upside as the
next guy, but there’s still stuff I need to
work on, and teams will do what they
think is right. That being said, I’ve
definitely gotten enough feedback
to know there’s a good chance I’ll go
in the fourth through sixth rounds.
It certainly seems like there’s a lot of
NFL guys interested in me.
TR: Have you been able to have
personal workouts with any teams
yet?
JS: Only a few, hopefully I’ll get
to do more as the spring goes on.
I’ve heard the same things from each
team; that I have to work on accuracy
and timing but that they love my ath-
PHOTO BY MARK BECKER/THE RAM
the Yankees.”
Despite saying he doesn’t care
anymore, McLaughlin also claimed
he has no intention of retiring or
leaving the position of athletic di-
rector for Fordham.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he
said. “There are little to no expec-
tations in this job and I don’t have
to do much real work. It’s a cushy
position. As long as the administra-
tion doesn’t make athletics a prior-
ity I will continue here, doing just
enough to survive.”
PHOTO BY MARK BECKER/THE RAM
leticism and arm. My arm is a gift, and
it’s what’s gonna land me a place on an
NFL roster.
TR: How do you think your success
and the opportunity to get drafted
will help Fordham athletics and Ram
football in the future?
JS: There’s no question getting
drafted will help the program. I’m the
best thing that ever happened to Ford-
ham sports, and my success will raise
our profile and help to get recruits.
I’ve been a PR machine for Fordham,
and hopefully in 15 years when peo-
ple think of Fordham football they’ll
think of John Skelton.
TR: If signed, what team would
you like to play for?
JS: Well there’s a few teams that
have looked at me very closely, and
I’d love to play for any of them. But
it would be great to go back home to
Texas. That would be best.

Men’s Basketball Budget
Increase Recinded Amidst
Heavy Student Protests
By DIGGER PHELPS
STAFF DEITY
The debate surrounding the
University’s decision to increase
funding for the men’s basketball
program has come to a halt, with
a recent announcement from the
Office of the President noting that
the Board of Trustees has decided
to reallocate that money to fund
upgrades to buildings that will be
renovated within 10 years. This
latter announcement came amid
heavy protesting from students,
many of whom have witnessed
only five total wins and only one
Atlantic-10 win in their brief time
at Fordham.
The original announcement
by the Board of Trustees on Feb.
17 was seen as a step in the right
direction by alumni groups, the
Sixth Man Club, the sports edi-
tors of The Ram and the seven
upperclassmen who regularly fol-
low the men’s basketball program.
These groups recognized that the
increased budget would primarily
allow Fordham to offer a new head
coach a competitive salary, hoping
that this pay increase would bring
in a successful coach who could in
turn attract talented recruits and
bring Fordham to some level of
athletic success.
One former editor of The Ram
even made the astute point that an
increased investment in athletics
can reap benefits: a better men’s
basketball program would have
several more local or even nation-
al television appearances, essen-
tially providing the school with
two hours of free advertising. This
increased exposure would help get
Fordham’s name out to more parts
of the country, producing more
interest from students outside the
tri-state area, and enhancing the
University’s reputation as a na-
tional rather than regional school.
However, a majority of the stu-
dent body came out against the in-
creased budget, calling it a waste
of tuition dollars and resources,
especially during a time of eco-
nomic turmoil. A large group
of students from the College of
Business Administration staged a
protest on the Alpha House Lawn
Attention
Ram Readers!
Due to the continuing disappointment of
Fordham sports,
The Ram will
discontinue the sports section
after this issue.
Sorry for the
inconvenience, but truthfully, you really
won’t be missing
anything important.
– between the Rose Hill Gym and
Hughes Hall, the future home for
the college – demanding to know
why a program that has had little
success since the early 1990s and
minor success since 1972 was re-
ceiving such an increase. These
students argued that CBA has
been the real reason for the Uni-
versity’s increase in applications,
despite its recent fall in Business-
Week’s annual rankings. They said
they felt that, were the funding
reallocated to the business school,
CBA would rise in the rankings
and Fordham’s national profile
would ascend as well.
In an attempt to reach a com-
promise between the two sides,
the Board of Trustees decided to
divide up the money intended
for the men’s basketball program.
Some money will go toward the
renovation of Hughes Hall, up-
grading the electrical and light-
ing systems, while the rest of the
money will go to the remodeling
of the attachment between the
McGinley Center and the Rose
Hill Gym. The board hopes that
this new agreement may bridge an
appropriate gap between current
and future students and different
University activities. Current resi-
dents will be able to take advantage
of the system upgrades in Hughes,
while the existing framework will
be in place when Hughes is gutted
to accommodate the new business
school.
Athletics will still receive some
funding; however, instead of the
money being used to hire a new
head coach, it will be used to en-
hance the game day atmosphere
for alumni and their kids. The
board will build a new entrance to
the gym from the McGinley Cen-
ter, honoring Jack Skelton and the
2007 Patriot League Champion-
ship football team. Inspired by
the montage of Vince Lombardi
on the way into the Lombardi
Center, the Skelton Memorial will
celebrate the potential NFL draft
pick and will educate future Ram
fans about Fordham football’s re-
cent successes. Construction in
Hughes and the McGinley Center
is set to begin in Sept. 2010.
SPORTS
By MATT DIBUONO
STAFF JUICER
What if steroids were legal
in baseball? What if we could
erase all suspicion about which
athletes are using, and if players
are “cheating?” Let’s just imagine
a world where steroids are legal
in baseball. Let’s think about a
world where Jose Canseco and
Barry Bonds are seen as pure
baseball players and role models.
So in a game where people are in
constant question about who is
using or has used steroids, let’s
have some fun and think about a
game where everyone is a juicer.
Imagine that you are watching
a baseball game. Every player
seems to wearing a skin-tight
shirt because their muscles are
so big, and if a player were to flex
he would resemble The Incred-
ible Hulk and tear his shirt right
off. Baseball bats look more like
broomsticks in the hands of the
players, and batting helmets bare-
ly fit since the steroids have led
to many people’s heads growing
in circumference. Basically, just
imagine that every player looked
like Barry Bonds. Not to mention
that every player would probably
have acne on their back and expe-
rience a shrink in manhood as a
side effect of the steroids.
Now that we have envisioned
what the players look like, we can
explore the effect that legalizing
steroid use would have on the
game. To start, lets analyze the
effect on pitchers.
If we think about the great
pitchers in the MLB they all have
one thing in common – large
legs (with Tim Lincecum be-
ing an exception.) Pitchers use
their legs to give themselves the
power to throw their pitches.
They push off their back feet in
order to gain momentum and the
drive to throw the ball. The arm
moves the same speed on every
pitch; the power comes from a
pitcher’s legs. If pitchers start us-
ing steroids, not only would they
need to buy some new, larger
pants, but they would be throw-
ing the ball much faster and more
sharply. A pitcher whose fastball
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March 25
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Golf
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Track and Field
APRIL 1, 2010 • THE RAM • PAGE 19
is normally clocked at 95 miles-
per-hour could possibly throw
it 100 mph. I can see Tim Mc-
Carver trying to come up with
what he thinks would be “clever”
names for these fastballs such as
“rocket balls” or “fireballs.” Mc-
Carver would have a field day.
Their curve balls would be an
even bigger change of pace from
their fastballs, and they could
make many batters swing so hard
they would fall over after their
swings such as Charlie Brown af-
ter he swings and misses. If pitch-
ers took steroids not only would
they improve their pitches, but
their stamina could also improve
since their muscles would be larg-
er and ability to work for longer.
This would hypothetically mean
that a starting pitcher could pitch
complete games without getting
too tired, essentially eliminat-
ing the role of a middle reliever
or set-up man. This would put
these men out of a job and only
make America’s unemployment
rate even higher.
If all batters and field players
were on steroids, the game would
be more like a home run derby
than a baseball game. If we think
of players who have used steroids
in the past (Canseco, McGwire,
A-Rod, and Bonds) they are and
were all power hitters. If these
men serve as examples for an en-
tire game on steroids, then would
baseball just turn into a game
of home run hitters and pitch-
ers striking people out? Play-
ers would no longer be judged
on their ability to hit the long
ball since most players would
be able to send it deep. The age
old saying of “Chick dig the long
ball” would most likely become
“Chicks dig the bloop single”
since the bloop single would hap-
pen only once in a blue moon and
be the sexiest thing in baseball.
The stolen base would be a
rarity since catchers’ arms would
be even more powerful and most
players would not be built for
speed.
I can see players trying to steal
bases and stopping because their
massive muscles would rip their
Friday
March 26
Saturday
March 27
Sunday
March 28
Monday
March 29
COFFEY
11:00 p.m.
and 1:00 a.m.
delayed due to excessive rain and flooding
They SERIOUSLY practice
on the Hudson River?
ALL MEETS ARE CANCELLED UNTIL FURTHER
NOTICE DUE TO COMPETITIVE ISSUES
pants during their attempted
steal. Teams would be hiring
seamstresses and tailors on a
weekly basis.
On a side note, players would
probably charge the mound
much more due to the steroids
that they are using causing them
to have raised aggression levels.
This could make a dull baseball
game turn into an all-out blood-
bath since there is no telling what
a person will do when they are
experience “roid rage.”
So now that we have imag-
ined what the players look like,
and how their styles of play have
changed, just think about your
favorite player. Whether it is a
power hitter like Ryan Howard or
a scrappy hustler like Neifi Perez
– imagine what type of player he
would be if he were on steroids.
It’s a pretty different game.
While about 99 percent of fans
are against the legalization of ste-
roids, there are benefits. There
would not be a dark cloud hover-
ing over the game and it would
not be a “Game of Shadows” as
Canseco calls it in his book. We
would not wondering if a player
is worthy of being in the Hall of
Fame or needs an asterisk next to
his name due to the presence of
steroids in the game.
Congress would not be in-
volved in an ongoing investiga-
tion into the use of performance-
enhancing in baseball, and would
probably be spending their time
in more worthwhile measures
such as health-care reform or the
war on terror.
Steroids in baseball are no
laughing matter, but I thought
it would be okay for us to have
some fun just thinking about a
game where everyone was “on
the juice.” While steroids should
never and will never be allowed
in baseball, it is fun to think of
a game with endless home runs,
players on “roid rage,” even tight-
er uniforms, and their manhood
shrunken. This is not the type
of baseball people enjoy and fall
in love with, but hey, it’s fun to
imagine. On the other hand, it
brings in mad money.
Tuesday
March 30
Wednesday
March 31