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28. Marasigan, Jhoellah D.

2FMT-2014071155

My teacher in English back in high school really likes to put us, his students, in
agony. He likes to conduct many activities and one of them is speech making.
He once said, getting the attention of your spectators is crucial. So he told us,
one way to get their attention is by singing. Now my professor in English in
college said, write while youre in the mood and you can even write a eulogy.
Thats interesting, so I asked Ces for a second opinion and she said, why not.
Coincidentally, my pet hamster, frosty junior died that day and after 2 days his
brother deedee died as well. So I thought maybe since Im very depressed
right now, I can write about them, all the pets Ive lost. Although writing about
my mother would be more appropriate but thats another story. Going back, I

still wanted to sing even while writing a eulogy and the song I chose was how
much is the puppy in the window the one with the wiggly tail but I can't use
that! My pet is a rat. So eulogy with a song is crossed out.
I planned to make my speech during the APEC week. We were in Aquatico
in Laiya, Batanggas. It was supposed to be perfect! The beach, the pool, the
sunset, relaxation and the food. We did a photo-shoot there for the wedding.
Ahhhh, what a waste, didn't get the chance to chill out and start my speech.
And when we got home I thought, finally I can start but no! Print this, print
that, deliver this invites, make a layout for the menu, wrap this, shop for
shoes, go to Divisoria and pack lots of stuff. By time that we were done with
the wedding it was already Sunday. So I thought maybe I can make a speech
about preparing for a wedding. Thinking about it is stressing me out, I salute
brides! Uh uh no, pass!
For the whole week after the APEC week, I was really doing everything I
can to inspire myself for something, anything! I was so desperate that I
thought about writing about my dad's vile wife. Putting that aside, I even tried
every possible route that I can use to go home. I tried Espaa way, Bumentritt
Dimasalang Del Monte way, LRT style, rode any possible jeep that can get me
out of Espaa alive technique and the ever popular alay lakad style and
every time I go home, I got my iPod to accompany me. Still trying to extract
even a Pico byte of inspiration. To my chagrin, I failed to do so. My commuting
endeavors used to rouse my inspiration back then but why was it isn't enough
now?
So I got home, took a bath open my Facebook account and just browse
through my newsfeed and saw these inhuman acts of these barbaric, hateful,

psychotic sociopaths that we call terrorist, this roused my emotions like

resentment, empathy, gratefulness to God and my sense of humanity. Then I
realized what am I going to say? Am I going to inspire people or motivate them
to help? Bash the sociopaths and spread more hatred? I saw this guy, a father
to a barely 1 year old son, talking about his wife who died in Paris and how the
terrorist are not going to have his hatred, about how luxurious it is to even
give them that. I saw many Muslim too in Europe who are blindfolded and have
a placard, written there was, Im a Muslim but Im not a terrorist I love
Parisians hug me if you believe me." I cried while watching that, getting
questioned based on who you are, Ive been subjected to that by people that I
trusted. So maybe while I'm in this state, all sensitive and mad I can finally
write. Grabbed a pen and paper. Wrote quite a handful, and when I'm done
writing, I read it. I was shocked. I did something I thought that I wouldn't do to
myself, I judged myself. Do you know what I said? Who are you?
You may still be confused about what I am talking about so here it is. We
are in this period where we honestly don't know who we are. You may say no
you're wrong I definitely know who I am. Yes you may be right. But I may be
too. Point is, we let people influence us, inspire us, guide us and even piss us
off. And that molds us, my teacher who said I can sing to gain their attention
gave me a chance to sing out in front and made me realized that speaking out
is a must. My professor who said that I can write a eulogy, gave me chance to
finally say what I have to say to the people I've lost. The places Ive been and
adventures I've gained did inspire me maybe not the way I wanted to but it
did. And those terrorist? Made everyone scared sad and mad, made them feel
human and most of all roused their essence of being human.

These are the

things that we encounter every day, and honestly? More than that stress you
think is killing you right now? These are the things that appeal to us
personally. You may not know yourself now but you will. Don't be afraid of
discovering yourself. Look inside and have the courage to know whats in it
even if it turns out that what you think you are right now is not who you really
are. Because at the end of the day, the people around you dont have the
ability to really know you but you do. I am a frustrated singer that wants to
sing in front but doesnt want to, a pet lover that cries over their death, a
daughter mad at her parents for making her alone, a potential wedding
planner, humanist and most of all, Im a very confused being.

My name is

Jhoellah Marasigan, you've learned a part of me that I didnt even know that
existed, are you ready to learn yours?