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Santa Makes Emergency Landing of New Sleigh During Final Pre-Christmas Test Flight!
Santa Makes Emergency Landing of New Sleigh During Final Pre-Christmas Test Flight!
December 2015
5
INSIDE
THIS ISSUE
TALES FROM
SANTAS
WORKSHOP
YOULL LAUGH!
YOULL CRY!
YOULL NEVER BE
THE SAME!
CHRISTMAS
No injuries
reported!
Top secret, state
of the art Sleigh
sustains minor
damage
Will not be ready
for Christmas
ride
Investigation into
mishap continues
The North Pole
A Down the Drain
source deep inside Santas
ultra-secret Research and
Development Laboratories
Plumbing and
Christmas
news from
around the
world
BRUSSELS
PLUS
THE LIFE AND
TIMES OF FROSTY
THE SNOWMAN
immediately initiated
emergency shut-down
procedures, and Santa
returned the Sleigh and all
aboard to the North Pole
without serious mishap.
though a large patch of
black ice on the runway
A PEEK AT SANTAS
SECRET REINDEER
RANCH
(Continued on page 2)
Belgian
plumbers
announce new antiterrorist initiative
IS THE NOG IN
(Note manual
shut off valve
A, safety ion
overflow
chamber B
and location
of muggle
gasket C)
DECORATION TIPS
DIRECT FROM MRS.
CLAUS! AN
EXCLUSIVE FROM
DOWN THE DRAIN!
A miniature
cold fusion
reactor
similar to the
one powering
Santas new
Sleigh
EDITION OF DOWN
THE DRAIN!
(702) 876-5969
$75 OFF
We do:
Call today to
schedule an
appointment!
702-876-5969
(Continued on page 2)
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And so much
more!
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want to!
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Pentagon Plumbing, Inc. 5125 W. Oquendo Rd., Suite #5, Las Vegas, NV 89118
Tel: (702) 876-5969 Fax: (702) 876-0937
email: service@pentagonplumbingnv.com
NV License #58722
Whaddya mean theres no rum in the rum punch? What kind of Christmas party is this anyway?
Call us today!
876-5969
Page 2
Adventures, letters,
A life in the
day of a
plumber
By CHIP CARPENTER
Ace Master Plumber
Last
month: Chip
recognizes those present.
.
I was in a football fieldsized white room with a
domed ceiling and enough
mirrors and glass and
crystal chandeliers that the
light from it could
probably be seen from the
moon had there been any
windows, which, I noted,
there werent.
But there was Mrs.
Qwpbklrstni wearing her
mobile eye patch and
scowling at me, and next
to her on the oversized
white leather sofa was
Madam
Blovotsky
giggling and finger
waving at me. And what
kind of gathering of the
clan would be complete
without Vinnie Lumbago?
He was ensconced in a
huge white leather easy
chair.
Eh, eh, eh, he said to
me and smiled.
But rising from an even
larger chair it actually
looked like some kind of
throne was a very tall
and thin woman who
could have been Morticia
Adams. She wore what
looked like widows
weeds and had very long
and straight black hair.
Diamonds sparkled from
her ears and fingers and
from a pendant around her
neck. I wondered if she
had diamonds on her toes,
too, but it didnt seem
polite to look.
She came toward me,
hand extended.
Thank you for coming,
Mr. Carpenter, she said.
I am the Countess
Lumarchesi.
Durn, I thought to
myself. No Lamborghini.
Just a Lumarchesi.
Her voice was low and
husky.
Please, she said, Sit
down. She swept a hand
toward an empty chair.
Coffee?
S-s-sure, I stammered.
Thank you.
I made my way to the
indicated chair. It sat
opposite her throne. A
round, glass-topped coffee
table sat between us. It
wasnt as big as the
landing deck of an aircraft
carrier, but I thought
maybe in an emergency it
would do.
To my left were Mrs.
Qwpbklrstni and Madam
Blovotsky. Vinnie sat to
my right.
A butler, or some other
kind of factotum in livery,
materialized and poured
coffee for me.
I thanked him and took a
sip. It was very good
coffee, and it went down
well after my long drive in
the storm.
Eh, eh, eh, said
Vinnie.
I looked at the Countess
and waited.
To be continued...
have
born.
W e s u g g e s t yo u r
decadent
capitalist
American culture embrace
tradition of Orthodox
Mother Country Church
and remember true
meaning of Christmas.
Dear Barbie,
Uncle Vlad will not ha,
ha, ha your question
because everyone in world
knows how much citizens
of Mother Country love
little children, especially
girls who will grow up
and give Mother Country
many strong and brave
sons to defend her against
enemies.
snowbound northern
California
town
announced last week that
Poison Oak now has the
l a r ges t e c o - f ri en d l y
Christmas tree in the
world.
A special happy
birthday wish
goes out this
month from all
the crew at
Pentagon Plumbing
to
Any of our
faithful readers
who happen to
have a birthday in
December
Ho, ho, ho!!
So go celebrate!
Yaaaaaay!
The Birthday
Box
Investigation into
Down the Drain
offices vandalism
continues
By Marlow Archer
Crime Beat Reporter
A source deep inside the
Special Task Force
investigating the break-in
and vandalism of Down
the Drains offices has
confirmed that it is
currently looking at
several BYU frat boys
who were on a scavenger
hunt as part of their
initiation rites.
Members of the I Felta
Thigh frat house have
been
previously
investigated for similar
acts of vandalism, but
nothing has been proven
against them.
A copy of this years
scavenger hunt list,
however, contains several
items that could easily be
found in the offices of
Down
the
Drain,
including womans bikini
underwear (size XXX
large), a cigar butt longer
than three inches and any
version of a Frogger game
on a 5 1/4 or 3 1/2
floppy diskette.
A spokesperson for the
Special Task Force called
the scavenger hunt list
highl y suspicious,
adding that the list
certainly provides a
motive
for
the
unauthorized entry into
the offices of Down the
Drain and the subsequent
vandalism that occurred
therein.
We think the Frogger
game on the scavenger
hunt list is highly
suggestive,
the
spokesperson said, and
plan to ask the NSA for
any and all electronic
traffic in any form
whatsoever that references
a Frogger game.
The fraternity has denied
any involvement in the
break-in and vandalism
and says that all its
members, when sober,
have
been
fully
cooperating with the
police.
Page 3