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Neptune Beach Selection AAR - Leick 07
Neptune Beach Selection AAR - Leick 07
Neptune Beach Selection AAR - Leick 07
a mortal man with uncommon valor. Courage cannot exist without acknowledging
fear. Dienekes earned the respect of Sparta in a way that Polynikes never could
because he was a common man who feared just like everyone else. Great warriors
are common men demonstrating uncommon valor. You dont have to be a Geek god
to finish Selection; but if you want the respect of the GORUCK community it starts
with earning it at home, seeking to be good husbands, fathers and citizens that
make great warriors like Dienekes and the Selection finishers.
I pursued Selection because I wanted to know andreia, the courage of a warrior, and
earn the respect of my city; to experience the comradery between soldiers. I dont
know how many times I explained Selection to people who didnt understand why
Id subject myself to such conditions. People dont understand why we would
choose to scorn the life of leisure which is so available to us in America and
instead to enroll ourselves into the academy of discipline and sacrifice.
War, not peace, produces virtue. War, not peace, purges vice. War,
and the preparation for war, call forth all that is noble and honorable in
a man. It unites him with his brothers and binds them in selfless love,
eradicating in the crucible of necessity all which is base and ignoble.
There in the holly mill of murder the meanest of men may seek and
find that part of himself, concealed beneath the corrupt, which shines
forth brilliant and virtuous, worthy of honor before the Gods. Do not
despise war, my young friend, nor delude yourself that mercy and
compassion are virtues superior to andreia, to manly valor.
-Pressfield, 2007. Gates of Fire.
Selection was my manufactured war; my opportunity to produce virtue and purge
vice, to be united with my brothers and discover all that is noble and honorable in
myself, to find andreia. Selection is not war in the literal sense but trial and
hardship; the crucible of necessity. Fear is the enemy we fight for control over the
battlefield of our mind.
to harden the will against responding with rage and fear, the twin
unmanning evils of which that state called katalepsis, possession, is
comprised.
Remember what I told you about the house with many rooms. There are
rooms we must not enter. Anger. Fear. Any passion which leads the mind
toward that possession which undoes men in war. Habit will be your
champion. When you train the mind to think one way and one way only,
when you refuse to allow it to think in another, that will produce great
strength in battle.
-Pressfield, 2007. Gates of Fire.
Victor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author or Mans Search for Meaning, states
that everything can be taken from a man except for the ability to choose his own
attitude. Your attitude is the only armor you have in Selection. For 48+ hours your
defenses will be assaulted and if you let cadre crack your shield and get into your
head quitting becomes inevitable.
Of course, none of this mattered when it mattered most. I still VWd. The cadre are
excellent at the Jedi mind f*ck; getting you to quit and not even knowing why you
quit. It is the hardest thing to try and explain why I dropped. Physically I felt fine, I
was in good spirits and smiling at all the abuse. It came down to the realization that
I just didnt want it any more. The cadre say it all the time but most people dont
listen; Selection is about survival. If Selection isnt life or death for you, if your
why isnt bulletproof, dont even bother showing up.
He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. -Nietzsche
The Nietzsche quote says it all. The physical preparation, the right gear, the perfect
boots dont matter. Assuming you have a basic level of preparation, the only thing
that matters is your will to finish. You can overcome anything the cadre present if
your will to finish remains steady. I quit after 18 hours, less than a quarter mile
from the evolution end point. Even if I had finished the evolution, I would have
eventually quit because my will to finish had already diminished.
I probably would have quit even earlier if I didnt let the other candidates answer for
me when cadre asked if we wanted to quit. There is strength in numbers but when
one person quits, the poison spreads and candidates start falling like dominoes.
Even if multiple candidates remain, there is nowhere to hide from cadre and you will
be isolated and the spotlight shined on all of your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
You have to know that these vulnerabilities are not enough to overcome your will to
finish or that same seed of doubt will be planted in your head and begin to grow
until the possession takes you.
I pursued Selection to become a man; however, its the journey that changes you
not the destination. At some point I realized that I got out of Selection what I came
for and that I didnt need to be a Selection finisher to be a good man. If you take
anything away from this AAR, it should be that you dont have to finish, or even
attempt, Selection to be a better person, a great warrior or part of the GORUCK
family.
I remember several Selection finishers telling me after I quit that no matter what,
Im still part of the family. That is just one example of the humility that I didnt
possess and why I didnt deserve to be one of the elite to represent the GORUCK
community. I watched all the special forces selection documentaries and I could
never understand how candidates just quit when they werent even breathing hard.
They would look so nonchalant about their decision to VW. I dont think anyone can
understand that feeling without having the humbling experience of having your will
broke. Class after class of Selection I looked down at those who didnt finish and
was happy to see such a high standard being enforced. Now Im glad that the
Selection standard is greater than I was and I know cadre will continue to select only
the worthy.
Regardless of if you want to attempt Selection, my advice to everyone in the
GORUCK community is to live your life to the Selection standard. Strive to a higher
morality and set the example of a model citizen in your own community for others
to follow. If you still want to attempt Selection, dont show up thinking Selection will
make you like the alumn; always strive to be the best person you can before you
attempt Selection. Win the battle before you go to war. You direct your own destiny
as an extension of your thoughts, words, actions and habits that form our character,
or who we are.
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My character was flawed and my destiny was to be humbled. I heard Jason say
Selection is only positive if you finish or if you fail and learn some form of humility. I
couldnt see it before but I needed to fail more than I needed to finish. We learn
more from our failures than we ever do from our successes. Im far from the man I
need to be for my wife and kids, but Im on the right path and have gained all the
tools I need to succeed. Lifes journey is a destination you dont hope to reach too
soon so take your time, learn the lessons and enjoy the ride. Selection was the final
capstone to the year of GORUCK that started with my first Challenge, Salt Lake City
class 614, on June 1st, 2013. I lived Selection for the better part of 2013 and now
that both are over I still think about it every day. Once youve been infected by the
Selection bug it is with you forever; regardless if you finish or not. However,
Selection was only one chapter in what I hope to be a much longer story. You wont
see me back at Neptune Beach in October. Im ready for my next adventure. Ive
conquered the need to conquer Selection.
-Ryan Leick, Selection Class 014, Candidate 007