Influencing

Skills

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Influencing Skills
What will we learn as a result of attending this workshop?
By the end of the day, we will learn:

How others are influenced

The six muses of influence
What our responsibilities are to ensure ethical influencing
Practical and useful tips to take back to work to ensure we can better
influence others effectively

All of our lives we have been involved with influencing people. As soon as we began
to realise that asking for what we want didnt always result in success, we have
learned behaviours and actions that have helped us to get what we want. Perhaps
this first started when we learned that we had to be nice to our parent (or parent
figure) in order to get something we desired, such as a biscuit. This was called, as
you may remember, cupboard love. It did, however, establish an important
principle that still holds sway when we attempt to influence others in our working
lives today: it is easier to get what we want if we consider what other people want as
well.
Objective setting:
Before we attempt to influence others we must first consider what it is we are trying
to achieve. In other words, we must plan our outcome, or set our objectives. As
always, we must plan our objectives in SMART terms. Objectives must be SMART,
that is, they must be:
Specific
Measurable
Agreed/Achievable
Realistic
Time bound
Short and Long-term Objectives
We can make a mistake by only planning (and asking for) long-term objectives. It
can help us to have something to quote to the person that we are trying to influence
that represents a short-term measure of what we want. For example, if we (having
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planned our SMART Objectives) were attempting to influence a Doctor to reduce

prescribing of a particular drug by 30% over a year, we also need to be able to state
some milestones, or short-term Objectives, in order to help us on our way there.
Perhaps these may be, depending on what you know about the Doctor, easier to
state in terms of patients rather than money, e.g. so in order for you to achieve a
30% saving over a year, you will need to have sent a letter to all patients on Drug X
by the 1st of September informing them of the change or in order to achieve a 30%
saving in the year, you will need to have initiated all generic prescribing by the end
of this month.
Positive not negative
If you look at the Objectives stated above, you will see that they are all stated in
positive, rather than negative terms. A negative statement of Objectives might be,
for example, to have stopped doing x. Instead of that, we need to find a positive
way of stating the same thing. This is a purely psychological device. We tend to look
at things more positively if we can state the positive reason for doing something.
Why is this influencing and not manipulating?
Manipulation has short-term success, and long-term failure. If people feel that we
have manipulated or tricked them in some way into doing things we want, we
may get quick results, but we will not succeed in the long term. We will be in danger
of manipulating people to get them to do what we want if we fail to fit our wants
and needs with their own, in a process known as dovetailing. We need to find out
what it is the person wants and needs in order to help them achieve that. Then we
need to consider: how will what I want dovetail in with what the other person
wants? In our example:
We ask the Doctor what their Objectives are. By using effective questioning and
listening skills, we uncover that the Doctor wants, say, no reduction in their control
over prescribing, and happy patients who get the treatment they need. We then
need to ask ourselves the question: can I fit this in with what I know I need to
achieve in order to do my job effectively? If we can answer yes, we have a dovetail.
If not, we need to do some thinking about how we can achieve a dovetail, but
perhaps by approaching things from a different angle.
If we take the example given above, we can see that it may well be possible to
achieve what we want and still give the Doctor what he/she wants. All we have to do
is organise our influencing skills, actions, correspondence, words and stated
Objectives in the best way to dovetail with them. Our statement of Objectives may
be, for example, phrased something like: The budget needs to save 1,500 this
month in order to get the extra funding for the smoking cessation clinic from the
extra pot of cash we talked about. One way of achieving this might be to find a
drug, currently prescribed as a brand name, that you would be happy to change to
generic, and the patients would be equally well treated on. If we could find such a
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route, would that satisfy your need to maintain your control over prescribing and to
have happy patients?
Always make sure that the Doctor has understood what it is we are trying to
achieve. We tend to know what we mean, and can assume too easily that the other
person agrees. Check their agreement by getting them to feedback to you what the
agreement is. Of course, (see below under Commitment and Consistency) they will
be more likely to comply if the agreement is written down.
Relationship and Rapport Building
We can state our objectives all we want, but if we fail to build a rapport with the
person we are trying to influence, we must consider it an uphill struggle to get
things changed the way we want them. We must build an effective relationship and
rapport with them; otherwise, we can find ourselves being blocked at every turn.
One reason for this is because of the Influence muse known as Liking (see below),
which demonstrates that we find it easier to accede to requests from people we
know and like rather than from those we dont. It is, after all, the very reason why
pharmaceutical companies use representatives and PCTs use prescribing advisers.
Doctors, in common with all people, find it easier to say no to a faceless
bureaucracy than an individual. Otherwise, all we need to do is send the Doctor a
report which will show them where they need to reduce inappropriate prescribing,
and they will do it.
How do we build an effective relationship and a rapport in a short time? Well, we
can use skills that will help us. We can listen more than we speak in the first few
visits with this Doctor, for instance. We can find out what drives this particular
individual, and place our thoughts and Objectives in line with these. We also can
state clearly and simply what our Objectives are, rather than trying to disguise them
in any way.

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The Aladdin Factor

Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth
must wait for very, very long time
-Old Chinese Proverb

We are unlikely to get what we want unless we are prepared to ask for it. This simple
statement hides a lot of facts about human behaviour. Often, we delay or refrain
from asking for what we want because we perceive that we will not succeed, or will
look foolish if refused, sometimes known as the fear of rejection. More successful
people know what they want and arent afraid to ask for it, as they have learned
that people are often able to help out and give us what it is we want. This is known
as the Aladdin Factor, after Aladdin, the fairy-tale pauper, who started to get
fame, happiness, success and fulfilment after he found a magic lamp that enabled
him to get anything he wanted simply by asking.

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Why dont we ask for what we want?

There are many reasons, including the ones given above. They include:

We are taught that we have to be able to work things out for ourselves
without asking for help

We are programmed in pride, which says it is weak to ask for help

We have a fear that people will judge us badly for not already having what it
is we are asking for

We have low self-esteem, and feel that we are not worthy or worth it in
some way

We fear endless obligation to the person who gives us what we want (see
reciprocation, below)

We fear that we will look stupid if we ask

We fear that by asking for what we want we will deprive someone else from
what they want

We dont ask because we dont know how to ask

How do we overcome these fears and learned behaviours that prevent us from
asking? By doing it, going ahead and trying it out. We can most easily learn that we
often can get what we want without depriving others of what they want (see
dovetailing, above) and we will relearn behaviour that shows us that it is a good
thing to ask for what we want.

I hate to ask directions. Its like admitting that I dont know what Im doing. I
figure that if I just drive around long enough, Ill eventually figure it out.
-Jeff Aubrey

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The seven things every budding Aladdin needs to know about lamp masters
Some people, it seems, are much more successful than others about asking for, and
getting what it is they want. What separates them from others? They display many,
or all, of the seven things that make them lamp masters
1. They know what they want (see Objective setting, above)
2. They believe they are worthy of receiving it (but see dovetailing, above)
3. They believe that they can get it.
4. They take action in the face of fear.
5. They are passionate about getting what they want.
6. They learn from their experience.
7. They are persistent.
Im tough, ambitious, and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
Madonna
Credit: The Aladdin Factor, by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, ISBN 0-42515075-5

Curing assumptions
Part of the time (perhaps too much of the time) we ask for what we feel the other
person might be capable of giving us, rather than what we want. This is one of the
reasons we need to develop stronger ways of setting our objectives in the first place,
and asking for what we want in the second place. Beware of assumption.
Remember, if we only ask for part of what we want, we may get less than we need.
In addition, the person may feel that they have given us what we asked for, and be
surprised when we come back and ask for more.

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Assertive vs. Passive, Aggressive and Concealed Aggressive Behaviour

At Inspire Change, when we run a training course with a title like Assertiveness we
often feel that we get the wrong people on the course. We get lots of Passive
people, but hardly any Aggressive types. Of course, this is because assertive and
aggressive behaviour can be confused, and aggressive people very often feel that
they are asking for what they want and asserting themselves. Which they are, but
that is not the same thing as being Assertive. So what do these behaviours look like?
Aggressive

Wants to succeed (they may call it winning ), even at the expense of others

If refused, they may repeat what they first said, but more loudly

Act as if others are fools for not understanding

Too much eye contact (staring the other person down)

Uses body language to point out how they are right, e.g. finger pointing

Hitting the desk to reinforce their point

Entirely, or largely concerned with their own needs and wants

Blames other people, even when they themselves are wholly or partly to
blame

(Very) quick to get straight to the point

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Passive

Avoids conflict or confrontation, even when it costs them something

personally

Speaks quietly and hesitantly

Apologises for what they are about to say or have just said

Takes the blame on themselves first for what goes wrong

Does not raise the point, fences around the subject, may never get to the
point

Body language makes them look smaller and no threat to others

Gaze maybe down and tends to avoid eye contact

Backs down or gives in when challenged

Concealed Aggressive

Uses sarcasm and humour to make their point, usually not directly

Complains about people behind their backs

Will agree to something openly, but will subvert or hi-jack it after the
meeting or agreement

Does not come to the point directly, or uses others to make their point for
them

Makes others feel guilty for not allowing them to get their own way

Can appear directly aggressive in other ways

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Assertive

Will speak up for their own rights, even when it may feel uncomfortable to
do so

Recognises that others have equal and opposite rights, which are just as valid
as our own

Uses adult language

Makes good eye contact, but not overdone

Body Language open and friendly

Listens to others in an attempt to understand their needs

Is capable of being persistent, but will give way if it becomes obvious that
the tension is becoming escalated

Does not take things personally

Prepared to compromise or negotiate

Recognises that there may be more than one satisfactory solution to a

problem or situation

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So how can I become more assertive?

It is easier to become passive or aggressive (in either form) when feeling under
threat in some way, perhaps in a new situation. Assertiveness develops best if
practised often, in arenas that dont have a great effect at first. For example, try
telling the truth to the waiter or waitress that asks you whether everything is all
right with your meal? How can we do this to best effect? There are some useful
rules that we can obey when we are trying to be more assertive:
1. State openly what you feel the situation is
2. Dont attribute reasons or motivations to someones actions, e.g. Dont say:
You are only saying that because you are too lazy to take it back
3. Describe not only the situation you want changed, but how you would like to
see it changed, and how things will be better as a result if they do change
4. If you have a complaint, suggest the remedy
5. Criticise the persons actions, not them or (see above) their intentions
6. Recognise that you may not get a satisfactory solution, that the other party
has a right to say no
7. It is not a question of fair or right and wrong

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The Six Muses of Influencing

ONE:

Reciprocation

Have you ever received a Christmas card from a complete stranger? If so, what did
you do? If you are like the majority you will have sent one in return despite the fact
that you had no idea who the person was. This common reaction is known as
reciprocation and was the subject of research by Americans Kunz and Woolcott in
the 1970s. This desire to reciprocate in kind demonstrates one of the most powerful
influencers around. That is why we will invite someone to our party if they invite us
to theirs, or will give them a birthday present if they give one to us. Thus, by virtue
of the reciprocity rule we are obligated to the future repayment of favours, gifts,
invitations and the like. We can all draw examples of reciprocation from our own
experiences.
This rule is taught to all of us and we all know the social sanctions and derision that
flow from violation - just think of the scorn heaped on the individual who fails to buy
their round.
How then can we use this rule? Consider the experiment conducted by Dr. Dennis
Regan. This experiment revolved around the rating of a number of paintings by two
individuals. One was Dr. Regans assistant, the other an independent subject. The
experiment was conducted under two sets of conditions - in some cases the
assistant did a small, unsolicited favour for the subject such as getting them a drink.
In others no such favour materialised. Later, the assistant asked the subject to buy
some raffle tickets from him because if he sold the most he would win a monetary
prize. The result was that those subjects who had received a small favour from the
assistant bought twice as many tickets as those who had not. Another interesting
finding was that those subjects who liked the assistant tended to buy more tickets;
however, this effect became greatly weakened when a favour was given - then the
power of reciprocity overwhelmed the emotional reaction to the assistant and even
those who disliked him bought more tickets.
According to the research one of the most widespread and basic norms of human
culture is embodied in the rule for reciprocation. A rule that we are all taught from
childhood.

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The decision to comply with another persons request is often influenced by the
reciprocity rule. A favourite tactic of those seeking compliance is to give something
before asking for a return favour. Thus, exploiting the three characteristics of the
rule:

1. Reciprocity often overwhelms the influence of other factors that

normally determine compliance with a request - e.g. dislike.
2. The rule applies to uninvited first favours - thus reducing our ability to
decide whom we wish to owe and putting the choice in the hands of
others.
3. The rule can encourage unequal exchanges. To rid ourselves of the
uncomfortable feeling of indebtedness, we will often agree to a request
for a substantially larger favour than that received.

Another way that the rule is used, especially by negotiators, is to give a concession
that stimulates a return concession. By starting with an extreme request that is
certain to be rejected, the negotiator can then retreat to a smaller request (the one
desired all along), which is likely to be accepted because it appears to be a
concession.

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TWO:

Commitment and Consistency

We all have the desire to be seen as consistent in what we say, believe and do. Think
of the process of buying a new car. Typically, we will give much thought and energy
to finding the best car and deal to conform to our perceived needs - after the
purchase we will tend to defend our decision even if it proves, in reality, to have
been wanting - certainly we will rarely admit that we have made a mistake. This
human tendency for consistency is fed from three sources:

1. Personal consistency is valued by society, whereas inconsistency causes a

lessening of individual value in the eyes of others. It is far more
comfortable for those around us if we do not surprise them through the
changing of position.

2. Consistency provides a beneficial approach to daily life in that it allows us

to deal with conflicting and confusing information that is constantly
seeking to attack our beliefs and understanding.

3. Thus, consistency offers a valuable shortcut through the complexities and

contradictions of modern life.

By being consistent with earlier decisions we are able to reduce the need to process
all the relevant information in future similar situations; instead, we simply need to
recall earlier decisions and to respond consistently with them.
To use this desire for consistency in the influencing of others, it is essential to secure
initial commitment. After making a commitment, people are more willing to agree
to requests that are in keeping with the prior commitment. The tactic is to try and
induce people to take an initial position that is consistent with a behaviour that the
influencer will later request. For instance, to get the agreement of a prescriber that
it is in their patients interest to reduce waste through tighter control of the drugs
budget could help at a later date when trying to influence specific prescribing
habits. It is important to understand that the most effective commitments are those
that are active, public, require some effort and seen as internally motivated - in
other words not coerced.
Commitment decisions have a tendency to be self-perpetuating because we will
seek to justify them by adding new reasons for their validity. This is why they often
remain in effect long after the conditions that originally spurred them have
changed.

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THREE:

Social Proof

If you were asked, What do you think of the use of canned laughter in TV comedy
programmes? You would probably answer like the majority and register your
dislike and disapproval. Why then do TV executives use it to such a great extent?
After all their entire job is to give us what we want. The answer is simple: They are
aware of what the research says. Experiments have shown that the use of canned
laughter causes audiences to laugh longer and to rate the material funnier *. There
is also evidence that canned laughter is more effective for poor jokes **. Thus, the
use of canned laughter by executives makes sense as it increases the humorous
response of the audience especially in the case of poor comedy.

Why does canned laughter work? It is a manifestation of another potent weapon of

influence - the principle of Social Proof. The principle states that we judge what is
correct by finding out what other people think is correct. So if the joke generates
laughter, even fake laughter, our pre-programmed response is to laugh as well and
in laughing find it funny.

Other examples of social proof are the salting of tip dishes, or of the begging bowl advertisers influence us by claiming that their product is the fastest growing, or the
leading product. The examples are endless.

The principle of social proof states that an important means that people use to
decide what to believe or how to act in a situation is to look at what other people are
doing or believing in similar situations. Thus, the principle can be used to stimulate
compliance with a request by showing the person that many others are or have
been complying with it.
Social proof is most influential under two conditions:
1. In situations where there is uncertainty, people are more likely to mimic
the actions of others and to accept these as correct.
2. Similarity is also a powerful influencer. People are more inclined to follow
the lead of similar others (GPs are likely to follow the lead of other GPs).
Evidence for the powerful effect of the actions of similar others can be
seen in the suicide statistics compiled by sociologist David Phillips. His
research found that after highly publicised suicides other individuals
similar to the victim would decide to kill themselves.

* Fuller & Sheeny-Skeffington, 1974; Smyth & Fuller, 1972.

** Nonsanchuk & Lightstone, 1974
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FOUR:

Liking

It is a statement of the obvious that we prefer to say yes to people we know and
like. Those whose livelihoods revolve around influencing others typically increase
their effectiveness by emphasising several factors that increase both their
attractiveness and likeability. Consider the following:
1. One of these influencers is physical attractiveness. Research shows that
physical attractiveness tends to engender a halo effect that extends to a
favourable impression of other traits such as intelligence, talent and kindness.
As a result, attractive people tend to be more persuasive in terms of getting
what they want and changing the attitudes of others.
2. A second influencer is that of similarity. We like people who are like us, and we
are more willing to say yes to their requests. We feel safe in the company of
people from similar backgrounds and education that hold the same values and
worldview as us and are naturally more ready to be compliant to them than to
those who differ from us. Ever been to a Tupperware party or similar event? It
is probably true that the purchases that you made not due to the must have
desire generated by the products for sale, but rather by the bond that exists
between you, the organiser and the other guests.
3. Another factor that produces liking is praise. Compliments, as long as they are
not insincere, generally enhance liking and thus compliance.
4. Liking is also facilitated through repeated contact. This holds true when the
contact takes place under positive rather than negative circumstances. One
circumstance that works particularly well is mutual and successful cooperation.
5. Association is also a powerful influencer. By connecting themselves or their
products with positive things advertisers, politicians and the like frequently
seek to share in the positive influence through the process of association. They
will also stridently distance themselves from that which is perceived to be
negative.

Liking is an enormously powerful influencer and one that we need to continually

develop. Apart from attractiveness; the ability to get on the same wave length as
the person we want to influence is essential. A little research will give us a head start
- find out what their interests are and show interest in the same.

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FIVE:

Authority

Over the years there has been much research into the subjects of authority and
obedience. There is evidence of strong pressure in society for compliance with the
requests of authority. This tendency to comply with authority is not only seen in the
everyday and relatively minor compliances such as keeping to a speed limit,
stopping at red lights etc, but also in very major areas. Consider the response of the
majority of the German population to Hitler and his persecution of sections of the
German population, acting often contrary to their own preferences. Or the research
in which perfectly normal people were willing to deliver dangerous and severe levels
of pain to another person because they were directed to do so by an authority figure
(The Milgram Studies 1974)

The strength of this tendency to obey a legitimate authority comes from those
socialisation practices designed to instil the belief that such obedience constitutes
correct behaviour. Such blind obedience also offers the individual a valid process by
which he/she can create a kind of decision making shortcut.

This automatic reaction to authority is often made to symbols of authority rather

than its substance. Three kinds of symbols seem to be effective - titles, clothing and
cars. The possession of one or more of these symbols resulted in people according
more deference and obedience.
It appears that when an expert makes an assertion we are liable to accept it at face
value without applying any critical evaluation, even when that expert is overstating
their case in order to win compliance to achieve personal ends.

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SIX:

Scarcity

The scarcity principle simply states that people assign greater value to things when
their availability is restricted. We witness the use of this principle daily when
advertisers use the compliance techniques of limited availability and deadlines.
In the field of influencing others compliance, the scarcity principle works for two
reasons:
1. Because things that are rare tend to have greater value and their very
rarity seems to enhance our perception of their quality.
2. As things become less easily accessed we lose freedom. According to the
psychological reactance theory, we respond to the loss of freedom by
wanting them and the goods and services connected to them more than
before we recognised their rarity.
The motivating effect of psychological reactance is evident throughout our lives,
but is most influential during the terrible twos and the teenage years. Both of these
periods are characterised by an emerging sense of me, which gives a heightened
sensitivity to issues such as control, rights and freedoms.
As well as the effect on the perceived value of goods and services the scarcity
principle also applies to the way we evaluate information. Research shows that
simply by limiting access to information individuals want to receive more and
become more favourable to it. The fact is that when some information contains
exclusive information, it becomes more effective in gaining compliance from the
recipient.
The scarcity principle is likely to be most effective under two conditions:
1. Items hold their highest perceived value when they are new and newly
scarce.
2. We are most attracted to scarce resources when we compete with others
for them.

This principle can be seen at work in the NHS where funds and independence are
made available by government to those Trusts that perform best.
People find it difficult to defend themselves against scarcity pressures because they
have an emotion raising quality that make logical thought difficult - this makes the
application of scarcity a powerful tool in gaining compliance and influencing the
action of others.
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Summary
The modern era has seen more change than at any time in history. Technological
advance and the information revolution give ever-increasing choice and knowledge.
The old model of successful organisations has been, and is being, changed to one of
quick modification and adaptation to our changing world. The old hierarchy and
bureaucracy that is the NHS is changing as never before. The old NHS was visible as
one that was driven from the centre (Whitehall). Perhaps the new one will become
more locally driven; with the introduction of Health Trusts able to decide their own
future (e.g. Norfolk and Norwich and Addenbrookes, amongst others).
One way that we need to change is in terms of our managerial style when we
attempt to get Doctors to make decisions. No longer will simple diktats from head
office hold sway (even if that ever happened). We now need to get local buy in and
agreement to do what we feel is best for our local people.
One ramification of this rapid change has been in the way we make decisions.
Although we strive to make thoughtful and considered decisions, the accelerating
pace of life frequently deprives us of the proper conditions for careful analysis of the
pros and cons. In short, we are forced to adopt short cuts in our decision-making
processes in which the decision to comply is made on the basis of a single piece of
information. The most reliable and popular single triggers for compliance are those
that have been described above. They are:*
*
*
*
*
*

Commitments,
Opportunities for reciprocation,
The behaviour of similar others,
Feelings of liking or friendship,
Authority directives, and
Scarcity of information.

The prevalence of shortcut decision-making is likely to grow because of the

increasing cognitive overload that we experience. Those whose living is made from
influencing others, and that is the majority of us, are likely to find greater success if
we use those influencing techniques described. For many faced with this there will
be the ethical question, By using these techniques are we not guilty of
manipulation or exploitation? They will only become so when the trigger is not a
natural feature of the situation, but is fabricated by the influencer. Importantly, if
we are to use these influencing tools without being guilty of manipulation, we must
consider the valid goals and wants of the person(s) we are attempting to influence.
Can we help them get what they want whilst still getting what we want?
Credit.
The notes on the six muses draw extensively on the work of Robert B. Cialdini and
his book Influence, Science and Practice - Harper Collins - ISBN 0-673-46751-1
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Recommended Reading

Influence- Science and Practice

Robert B. Cialdini, Allyn & Bacon
ISBN 0-321-01147-3

Influencing with Integrity

Genie Z. Laborde, Crown House Publishing
ISBN 1-899-83601-2

The Aladdin Factor

Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen, Berkley Books
ISBN 0-425-15075-5

Agreed! - Improve your powers of influence

Terry Gillen, Institute of Personnel and Development
ISBN 0-85292-801-7

Body Language How to read others thoughts by their gestures

Allan Pease, Sheldon Press
ISBN 0-85969-782-7

The Nice Factor Book Are you too nice for your own good?
Robin Chandler & Jo Ellen Grzyb, Pocket Books
ISBN 0-671-02948-7

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