Issue 17

Editor: Sara Hadfield

Editor-In-Chief: Elizabeth Simos
Produced in USSU,
University of Surrey,
Guildford
Est. 2008

FREE
Elections Candidates Go
Head - To - Head Chancellors played host to the University of Surrey
In this issue: Students’ Union’s very own Election Question Time earlier
this month as candidates for next year’s sabbatical
positions had the opportunity to discuss their policies and
Win tickets to Charlie answer questions from the audience. The event continued
past midnight and was largely a success as students were
and the Chocolate able to find out more about those hoping to secure vital
votes.
Factory Flirt only in
The Stag! Recognition has to be owed to Alan Roy, the Membership
Services Director of the Students’ Union, for anchoring the
entire night and ensuring proceedings ran smoothly. Equal
credit is owed to MAD TV and Stage Crew for recording
Read the candidate the event and taking care of the technical aspects, and
manifestos for the Ben McCauley, the Commercial Services Director of the
Students’ Union, for maintaining a strong social media
sabbatical elections following throughout the evening.

and make the right First to confront the audience were candidates for VP Sports
& Recreation and the majority of questions focused on the
choice! new Sports Park and membership fees. Alan Monkhouse
highlighted the need to increase ‘performance sports’ to
attract funding from companies interested in sponsorship
Check out the NEW and “spreading the cost” of membership to the Sports
Park “between two terms if it can’t be reduced”.
Society of the
Fortnight! When asked how VP Sports will influence the Sports
Park management, despite not having any control over
operations, candidate Gurkamaldeep Parmar suggested
he will “work out what’s hurting them right now and see
Check out our where I can actually add value to them”.
Technology section - Continued Page 3...
the newest section of
Sabbatical Elections:
The Stag!
Technology Comes of Age
The sabbatical elections this year have been unlike any
Interview with Jade other election I have experienced in my two years here at
the University. The Union has embraced new technology,
Johnson! the candidates have engaged in the online process and
students have been voting using the new digital technology
launched this year. Surrey has embraced the 21st Century.
All your regular And it’s about time too.

features! The digital age presents those of us who engage

in democracy with some exciting challenges and
opportunities. Harnessing ‘new media’, getting to grip
And much more.... with the tools of the web and making campaigns relevant,
all provide huge challenges that any potential sabbatical,
executive and NUS delegate nominee will face.

Recycle However we shouldn’t be intimidated. Online campaigning

is fun. YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and Wordpress are
Your Stag! becoming compulsory components of any campaign.

Continued Page 3...

Issue 17 I 22nd March 2010 I www.thestagsurrey.co.uk
 Editor’s Letter
Hi Everyone,
As this term comes to an end it’s still
as busy as ever. For those of you that
are already enduring exams, good luck In this issue...
and I hope they’re going well!

Thank you for all of you who submit-

ted articles for this edition! We had so News Pages 3 - 5
many articles for this edition so if we
haven’t managed to include your arti-
cle in this edition please let me know
and I will ensure that you are reserved Features Pages 7 - 39
a space for the next edition.
Manifesto Special! Pages 21 - 36
Our editions after Easter will be jam
packed so if you’d like to ensure you
Fashion I Page 11
have a space please start reserving for
either issue by contacting the relevant
Science I Pages 14
section editors, or contact me at: ussu.
thestag@surrey.ac.uk.
Health I Page 19
NEW Technology I Page 37
So, what’s going on in this edition of The Stag?

We have a competition running until Friday – We have 10 golden tickets available for
grabs for the end of term Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Flirt! All you have to do Societies Page 41
is find one of our substitute tickets in an edition of The Stag. If you’re a lucky winner
contact us on ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk to arrange a time to collect your ticket.
Good luck!
Arts Pages 43 - 50
Don’t forget to vote! You are still able to vote for your sabbatical team for 2010 until
Friday 26th March. Read candidate manifestos in this edition of The Stag and make Music I Pages 43 - 44
the right choice!
Dance & Theatre I Pages 45 - 46
There’s still time to nominate for the Annual Student Union Awards 2010 so make
sure you get your nominations in by Friday 26th March.
Film I Pages 47 - 48
If you’d like to be a part of The Stag team next year, we’ll be posting our AGM date in
Literature I Pages 48 - 50
the issues after Easter so make sure you check back with us then!

Sara x
I hope you all have a great time on Friday and enjoy your Easter break! Sports Pages 51 - 55
Enjoy the issue!

Editor I Sara Hadfield : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk

Deputy Editor (Design) I Position Currently Available : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
Deputy Editor (Marketing) I Jack McWaters : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
News I Ben Pook : news@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Features I Mariam Nasir : features@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Science I David Pugh : science@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Technology I Ankur Banerjee : tech@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Societies I Bakita Kasadha : societies@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Music I Mark Allen : music@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Dance & Theatre I Rachel Gildea : dancetheatre@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Literature I Eunice Njagi : literature@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Film I Ollie Sim : film@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Sports I David Holt : sports@thestagsurrey.co.uk
Copy Editor I Ankur Banerjee

The Stag is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by

the University of Surrey Students’ Union.

The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily
represent the views of the editorial team, the Students’ Union or the University of Surrey.

Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited

Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA

The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions.

Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.
 3
Continued from Page 1...
Current Environment Officer and candidate for VP sports, Trung, highlighted
the importance of “student participation”, which he feels will have a direct
impact on providing continued funding for the Sports Park.
After a short break, candidates campaigning for VP Societies & Individual
Development presented their policies and prepared for questions from the
audience. A variety of topics was discussed and candidates were forced to
express their personal strengths and their ability to represent every single
society in the Students’ Union. Asked about whether candidates will be
biased towards personal societies, Aris Kazakidis, explained he “will be there
to challenge” all relationships in order to stay focused to goals, including the
Dance Music Society, with which he is currently involved.
Tiago ‘Kiko’ Lourenco pointed out his current position as the President of
the Portuguese society and how this will lend itself to getting “the whole
Students’ Union involved to create new societies”. And while answering the
same question about persuading students to join societies, Osama Salih, on
the other hand, offered examples of activities; “this can involve cake baking or
a food competition, or even arts and crafts” to “develop skills and expand their
society”. Meanwhile, when asked about whether amenities should belong to
Societies or Welfare, Rowan Cole made clear his view “that these are groups
that do fantastic work and currently do feed into the VP Welfare with great
distinction.”
VP Welfare appears to be a popular position with seven candidates running in
the elections. Candidates were first asked about their views on the projected
£7 million Multi-Faith Centre and responses were all in agreement, although
only two of the candidates, Rowan Ling and Georgina Hancock, had actually
seen the plans.
The impact student media will have on welfare was also discussed among
the candidates, with Diana Fisher explaining how “Student media is a great
way of getting messages out...I’d work with VP Societies and VP Education
as well, to make sure everybody’s views are expressed”. Meanwhile, when
discussing The Stag, Terry Tsim feels he can “make it well better next year”
and it “definitely needs improvement”.
Candidates were also quizzed about how they would interact with students as
VP Welfare, and Zoe Papadopulos pointed out “my main aim is to be there for
you 24 hours a day. My problems are your problems”, while Noemi Iroome-
Smith suggested that “just by being here and being approachable is good
enough” and Tamsin Maclellan will not be “hassling any people to tell me their
problems.”
Education standards is a crucial topic amid speculation that tuition fees
will increase to between £5,000 and £7,000. The next VP Education will
be responsible for ensuring the concerns of future students are heard, and
candidates for next year’s position were all keen to suggest why they’re suitable
for such an important role.
Sam Bull, current Union Chairman, highlighted his policy to improve access
to learning “what we do need is academic reps to feed up problems... I
propose bringing academic reps into the Union fold by creating the equivalent
of society standings”. Adam Vernone wants to improve the accountability of
the VP for Education “if I’m out there every single week answering questions
from students, then I reckon I’ll be able to get a much better idea of what the
student issues are.”
Matthew Rawlings thinks “we should be looking to implement one policy across
the whole University... and then I’d make it as easy as possible to report back
when these targets are not met.”, and while discussing general issues, Stef
Jones highlighted “unpaid placements is an important thing that needs to be
mentioned because it is part of your professional training”.
The President of the Students’ Union is expected to possess a vast range of
organisational skills and candidates were eager to explain why they deserve to
be responsible for the entire Students’ Union. The debate covered a variety of
important topics, although the question that provided an intriguing insight into
the candidates was asked first.
“What separates you from the other candidates?”
Current Ethics and Equal opportunities officer, Matthew Strange, answered first
with “My experience: I’m the only one who has had experience of a society, a
sports club, a welfare amenity and an academic rep.” Alex Chalikiopoulos then
explained “Overall well-rounded and taking everything from University; that
being academic, societies, sports and a professional training year”.
Arran Stears drew attention to his availability by replying “my telephone, my
address and all my contact details are on Facebook. And if you call me tonight
I’m happy to help. Expect more” and Malcolm Hunt, current VP for Welfare,
highlighted his experience “Not only will I be active and student led, but I have
a track record of actually giving results. It’s very easy to say what you’re going
to do, but actually doing it is another thing”. The remaining candidate, Jack
Colby, kept it short and sweet, “I’m down to earth and I’m here for you guys
and I want to make a difference”
Chancellors provided a well-known environment for candidates to discuss
important student issues. However, throughout the evening, the audience
gradually became a little too comfortable and organisers of the event were
forced, on a number of occasions, to ask the audience to quiet down. At
times, candidates were unable to hear the questions and some appeared
restless when noise levels were too high.
The impact of social media was a promising success story of the night. Students
engaging via Twitter and Facebook were proposing questions to candidates
This year’s sabbatical elections promise to be as interesting as ever and
Election Question Time provided a fantastic opportunity for students to quiz
directly those hoping to represent them in the next academic year. Don’t forget
to vote online at vote.ussu.co.uk. Voting closes on March 26th. You can also
watch the Election Question Time online at http://j.mp/surreyelect10
by Ben Pook
Continued from Page 1...
Short YouTube videos are great for catching the electorate’s attention, Facebook
and Twitter are brilliant ways to access a large number of the electorate, and
blogging can be an excellent way of releasing policies in an interesting way.
Other University students have been effectively using these mechanisms for
years now. There has been a proliferation of campaign dedicated Facebook
groups and dedicated YouTube pages that have allowed candidates to connect
with hundreds, if not thousands of people. We need to catch up.
However, this all comes with one disclaimer; let’s not forget the basics. No
campaign will be complete without having a detailed manifesto with tangible
policies that eventually victors can be measured against. Getting out on the
doorstep and speaking to students is another fundamental element of any
campaign. Nothing beats speaking to students; listening to concerns and
ideas in order to learn for the future.
So let us welcome the technological innovation. Let us use technology as a
way of communicating more effectively with the apathetic and disengaged;
helping to bring them into the fold. And let us use technology to change our
Students’ Union for the better. We have an opportunity to affect real change
and engender some positive debate. And it’s about time we took it.
by Oliver Deed
Epsom Downs Racecourse
Saturday 15th May
colours
ball
2010
Tickets NOW on sale
from the Activities Office in the Students’ Union

Student safety should be a Class Act,
not a Glass Act
Friday nights often mean that there are
offers on alcopops or beer in Rubix. As a
result of these “three bottles for a fiver”
deals, nearly everyone in Rubix drinks out
of a bottle – thus increasing the chance
of an alcohol-fuelled student disposing
of their empty bottle simply by throwing
it. I happened to be the victim on one
occasion.
It had got to that time of the year
again: when the most popular night the
Students’ Union holds brings out the
creative side in Surrey students. You
guessed it: the coveted Fetish Night.
As you may know, this particular theme
inspires people to dress as either their
own or someone else’s fetish. The sheer
variety of outrageous outfits, coupled
with the appropriately decorated union
(this year’s Fetish Night saw Rubix turned
into a dungeon), makes Fetish Night one
of the most anticipated Union events
here at Surrey.
In hindsight, however, this year’s event
was not worth looking forward to in my
case. I was hit in the face with a stray
bottle thrown on the dance floor, which
led to a stint with the St John Ambulance
team in the union and facial injuries. But
it could have been much worse.
On the night of 4 December 2009, a
group of friends and I went to the Union
with expectations of a standard fun
Friday night out. Dressed as a ladybird
(not the most conventional fetish outfit, I
know), I was having a great night. There
I was, cutting shapes on the dance floor,
when suddenly I was struck by a flying
bottle that was thrown from the other
side of the room. Initially, I thought
that I had been punched, but when I
touched my face, I felt a gigantic bump
that had already formed within seconds.
I knew I had been bottled. I was taken
to the medical room straight away to be
checked out by the paramedics. Luckily,
the injuries were not too serious and I
fortunately escaped with just a black eye
and a very swollen face.
Frances Harrison, another student and
a friend of mine, sadly experienced
something similar last May during Chav
Night at Rubix when a fight broke out
near where both she and her friends were
dancing. Someone in the sparring group
threw a bottle, which hit Frances in the
face, leaving her in A&E with what doctors
feared was a fractured cheekbone.
“It was the most awful night ever,” said
Frances. “What made it worse was
being dressed as a chav for six hours in
hospital! We got some funny looks from
people in the waiting area!”
It’s not only bottles being used as
missiles which are the danger: smashed
glass on the floors can also be highly
problematic, with girls suffering wounded
feet as a result of smashed glass getting
in their footwear.
Despite the staff being extremely vigilant
when it comes to smashed glass, glass
collectors regularly do sweeps of Rubix
to remove the glass but the dancefloor
is often so busy it is impossible to move
through. Cases of students visiting the
medical room as a result of broken
bottles are all too common for comfort.
And glass isn’t the only problem on
nights out. Vandalism and security are
also hot topics which need to be urgently
addressed for the benefit of everyone on
a night out. Union supervisor, Constance
Gibbs says, “It certainly is an issue that
needs to be addressed by students”.
The examples I’ve mentioned are not
the only times that students have been
struck by bottles and it will certainly not
be the last. But what can we, as the
student body, do?
As expected when students and alcohol
mix on a Friday night out at Rubix,
events can sometimes get a little bit
out of hand. But there is so much that
us students can all do to help prevent
these sorts of incidents. The Students’
Union has already explained to us that it
can’t switch to plastic bottles in Rubix as
prices will have to be increased (plastic is
more expensive), the shelf life of plastic
bottles is generally very short and with
long closure periods this is just not really
applicable. So it is up to the students to
be safety conscious, when you are done
with a bottle, recycle it. You can find
the recycling bins in the Union located
on the dance floor and around the bars.
It doesn’t take a lot of effort to dispose
of your bottle that way, and it’s certainly
safer than leaving them lying around the
union.
Also, if you see someone that looks
‘dodgy’, and perhaps a security risk,
then mention it to the bouncer. This
could save a lot of potential trouble for
both yourself and everyone else who is
enjoying a good night in Rubix.
Some friends and I hope to start a
campaign in the near future about
keeping yourself and others safe in the
union, but until then, it’s up to everyone
to help make our Students’ Union nights
out safer and more secure. Let’s hope
we can sort it out. But for now, look out
for flying bottles.
by Anna Shipp
4
Can the University of Surrey use e-learning
to improve the learning experiences of non-
traditional students?
The University of Surrey is conducting a research study about how
e-learning can best be used to benefit all students. E-learning is
learning facilitated or supported through the use of information and
communications technology. Students can be involved in e-learning in
a number of ways from simple things such as downloading lecture notes
through to forms of ‘blended learning’ which combine traditional face-
to-face leaning with (for example) collaborative learning using online
discussion forums. Some students may even have modules delivered
mostly electronically with online materials and videoconferencing.
This study (‘Can the University of Surrey use e-learning to improve
the learning experiences of non-traditional students’), which is
being funded by the University of Surrey’s Widening Access Fund and
the Faculty of Health and Medical Sciences, will explore the views of
students and staff about e-learning generally and also look at whether
there are differences in experiences of e-learning between (for example)
mature students and younger students. It is hoped that the research
will improve students’ learning experience and also enable good practice
guidelines to be produced which will help staff to use e-learning in a
way which includes, and benefits, all students.
A sample of students from Nursing, Chemistry and Management
undergraduate programmes will be invited to participate in focus groups
and to take part in an online survey. If you receive an invitation, either
to a focus group or to complete a survey, please consider taking part –
your views really are important. For non-traditional students, who don’t
always have such a visible presence on campus, it’s a great opportunity
to discuss your views on e-learning. £10 in vouchers will be awarded
to those attending focus groups and there will be a prize draw for all
those completing the online survey. The focus groups are coming soon
and the online survey will be available in June.
For further information, please email the Lead Researcher, Mr Mike
O’Driscoll, at m.o’driscoll@surrey.ac.uk or the Student Representative,
Catherine Holman, at ch00090@surrey.ac.uk. Students can also find
out more on the following website: http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/elc/wp/waf/
projects/e-learning
by Catherine Holman
Nominations open for Annual Student
Awards
Students have begun nominating who they think have made a difference
this year and deserve to win in The Annual Student Awards 2010. Awards
are broken down into four categories; Sports Club, Societies, Individual
and Colours, with over 30 separate awards available.
Nominations close on March 26th and the awards evening will take place
at Wates House on May 20th. Entry is invitation only and all shortlisted
nominees will be invited. “Every year, the Students’ Union hosts an
evening of awards which celebrate students who bring the best out of
themselves and others. This could be through their commitment to their
Sports Club or Society, or volunteering in the community, amongst other
activities.” explain the Students’ Union.
“The evening is all about recognising the individual students who are
making huge efforts to improve the experiences of others and develop
themselves in the process.” Visit www.ussu.co.uk/awards for information
on how to submit your entry.
 5
Why Even Bother?
Each fortnight I find myself inundated with requests to report on how ticket
prices are too high at Rubix or why the length of queues at the Bookshop
on the day tickets are released appear to have gradually grown over time.
Students obviously care about how much spare change they’ll have in their
pockets on a night out, or how much time they’ll have to waste waiting in line
like the rest of us. I don’t confess to knowing the answers to these issues,
neither do I feel compelled to discover the answers.
On the other hand, when observing University and Students’ Union affairs, I
have a personal interest to find out what important decisions are being made
and how these fundamental developments will affect the student community.
Admittedly, I don’t agree with every decision, but I’m confident both parties
attempt to source opinions from students, and this feedback is taken into
account.
But why should we care about the affairs of the University and the Students’
Union? Why express an interest in the developments of both organisations?
It seems the majority of students remain unaware of the direct benefits in
taking part. Interest appears to be at a dangerous low. Approximately 1% of
the entire student population at the University of Surrey attended one of the
most important events in the Union’s calendar, the Annual General Meeting,
which took place in February.
We relish the opportunity to complain. I often find myself fed up by the lack
of talented bands or DJs invited to play at the Union. Although, I’ve attended
nights at Rubix headlined by obscure artists, and found myself partying among
a pathetic turnout of 40 to 50 students, I can’t entirely blame event organisers
for deciding not to arrange a night that will appear destined to fail.
bothered to vote on or discuss with Union representatives? They don’t have
the right. And that’s precisely why more of us should be bothered.
Some students will decide not to care, despite being aware of the advantages.
The University has “one of the highest levels of mature students in the UK at
the University... we’re 9th in the country” explained the Vice-Chancellor in a
recent interview with The Stag. Mature students understandably have more
responsibilities than students recently out of college or sixth-form.
Furthermore, international students, who represent a sufficient portion of total
students at the University, might be unfamiliar with British social norms and
could feel more reluctant to delve into the University and Students’ Union
affairs. Not every single student is expected to participate.
The quality of content in The Stag newspaper has also been criticised by
students unaware of how the editorial team manage each edition and the
availability of compelling articles. Often, editors are not in the position to turn
away content because such a small number of contributors, in relation to
total students, who regularly express an interest to write for The Stag. Again, it
seems students can’t comprehend the benefits of participation.
It’s now the most important time of the year for you to get involved. Candidates
for next year’s sabbatical team are tirelessly campaigning for your votes
and promising changes to issues we complain about every day. Unless we
understand the benefits to student engagement, these issues will never be
resolved because decisions will continuously be made that don’t represent
what we want.

Approximately 12,850 students decided not to turn up to the AGM. And until
a suitable proportion of students express a desire to vote on fundamental by Ben Pook
changes, the Union will continue to make decisions that don’t necessarily
reflect the interests of students. It’s our right to complain, but these complaints

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will not be taken into consideration unless we participate in Union affairs, find
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making process works.

The benefits to taking part are difficult to comprehend. It seems most students
can’t see how participating in Union decision-making will affect their day-to-
day lives on campus, or indeed at home. However, these ‘small things’ are
exactly what will change as a result of more students explaining what they’re
fed up with and what they want improved. The type of coffee on sale, the
quality of food at Chancellors and the availability of parking on campus, as
well as the variety of acts and the price of tickets at Rubix – your engagement
will have an impact on all of these topics.

The level of student involvement in University and Students’ Union affairs has
a direct impact on practically every criticism we direct at those responsible for
our student experience:

Undergraduate Nutrition student, Olafemi, explained “When we chose our

modules this year, especially in the Biomedical Science Department, they
don’t give us enough information on the modules we’re going to choose. Also,
I don’t think there’s enough integration between different nationalities at the
Union.”

Business Management student, Dov Azagury, suggested a problem with the

library capacity. “I don’t think there are enough private booths in the library.
I can never find a private space to revise.” While final year student, Eamonn
Armstrong explained “Students should have more of a responsibility within the &953"
University. That way, they feel that they’re involvement will have an involvement,
rather than campaigning for nothing.” 3"%*$"-
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getting involved? In other words, what gives the 99% of students who decided
not to attend the AGM the right to complain about issues they couldn’t be XXXOVTPSHVL
news@thestagsurrey.co.uk
 Monday to Friday
10.00am – 6.00pm
(Subject to change)

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New offers every

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 7
Not Really News: Arriva Buses Run On-Schedule
Punctuality causes massive outrage amongst
students
Performance statistics on the punctuality of Arriva buses
in Guildford suggest that all of them are running precisely
on time, all the time. While the official reports have not
been compiled yet, these interim reports have proved to
be quite controversial.
Arriva buses have often been maligned in the past for
being unreliable, being late, and for having ‘mystery
buses’ that do not ever show up. Over the years though,
it appears that this is what students had come to expect
of the bus service in Guildford and planned their trips
accordingly. Many students said that they would turn up
half-an-hour after the scheduled time for bus arrival, for
that is when a bus would actually come along.
A Tale of Screwdrivers, Frenchmen and Minnie Mouse
When you think of the typical use for a screwdriver, would
you presume it’s a handheld tool which drives screws
into walls and shelves….or maybe one that could attach
two cars together? This is fundamentally how we got to
Disneyland Paris in Jailbreak 2010.
Jailbreak was the finale of RAG week, whereby RAG chal-
lenged students to raise as much money as possible by
getting as far away from The University of Surrey as they
could in 36 hours. In 2009, Jailbreak raised under £50
yet, this year’s event is currently totaling over £6, 500
- RAG’s biggest fundraiser of the year. The winners got
to Houston, Texas in a mere 36 hours. Our final destina-
tion was Disneyland Paris…but that really is only half of
the story.
Outside Channies at unsociable o’clock on a sunny Feb-
ruary Saturday morning, stood 23 teams of ready-and-
raring to go students discussing their feats to ‘break-
out’ and make it half way round the world in 36 hours.
Goodie bags with survival food, and novelty gifts (e.g.
Sharpies) had been handed round when the 10 second
countdown began. With the sound of the claxon, the
adrenaline kicked in and everyone legged it to Guildford
Train Station….a blur of yellow t-shirts focused on one
goal! Team Raggy Dolls took the relaxed approach, how-
ever, strolling down to the station.
With the Guildford train manager letting teams travel
to Portsmouth and Waterloo for free, we Dolls followed
through on our decision and head for Gatwick airport,
hoping that the same would be true for the guard on
the Redhill and Gatwick train, with the assumption being
that a flight would equal flying miles away. Unfortunately
the airlines were unable to help, yet the National Rail
Manager at Gatwick happily reminisced about his own
Jailbreak experience offering helpful advice: 1.) Avoid
the Eurostar, 2.) Go to Dover!
As simple as this might sound, various train companies
could not offer their support due to “policy constraints”
which greatly dampened our spirits. After being rejected
by the coach driver from London Victoria, we took a long
walk to Charing Cross as opposed to risking the tube.
Luckily, everyone at Charing Cross were extremely sup-
portive and we were able to jump on a train to Dover
thanks to Zoë on South East Trains…We were finally
getting somewhere!
With our spirits rejuvenated, Team Raggy Doll (amd our
trusty ‘charity hitchhike’ sign) marched to Dover port
With the newfound reliability though, many lament the
fact that they now have to reschedule their daily routines.
Busyu Zer, a final-year ‘Straw Man’ student pulled out of
a hat by this reporter for the sake of making an argument,
said “I miss being able to get the opportunity to sit for
hours in the could at the bus ‘shelter’, hungry and unable
to go home. Unreliable buses had become a part of the
‘student experience’, and Arriva has unfairly taken that
right away from us.” This sentiment seems to be shared
by others too – some sabbatical election candidates have
cleverly vowed to get ‘our familiar unreliable bus service’
back in their election manifestos with the intention of
getting votes, with clearly no intention of implementing
this policy once they are voted into power.
This development has incited reactions across the world,
in Japan, too where there is widespread irritation among
with the intention of getting on a ferry as a foot pas-
senger. Reaching Dover, we were dismayed as we came
to the realisation that this would not be possible, as
many teams had been trying throughout the day without
any success. Luck played its part and five minutes later,
we had successfully joined with another jailbreak team
from Kings College, London who had already blagged a
lift over the channel. Little did we know the events that
were soon to follow…
Apparently our lovely ‘chauffeur’ Hugo had bought a
written off Chrysler Crossfire from EBay, he therefore
had to collect this car from Dover and take it back with
him via the ferry. He consequently had two spare seats
in the Chrysler Crossfire and 4 in the car he was driving.
The problem however was that the tow bar that he had
bought earlier in the day was too big. Thus, he innova-
tively decided to connect the Chrysler and the tow bar
together via a screwdriver in the tow point of the Chrys-
ler, adding some finger tape for security. Two jailbreakers
bravely got into the Chrysler whilst the other 3 of us sat
in the car with Hugo.
We may have found a way out of the country...but it was
certainly not the way we had expected to leave.
After a surprisingly uneventful journey across the chan-
nel and a large packet of Cheese Puffs later, Team Rag-
gy Dolls had officially left the country and successfully
managed to secure a lift to Lille, heading towards Hugo’s
home. The exhausted Team arrived in Lille a little after
2am, facing the decision between hitchhiking onwards
or finding a hotel to rest up for the small remainder of
the night- the hotel it was...
At a rather unfriendly, un-student time of quarter to 6
in the morning, the Team walked to Gare Lille Europe
focusing on leaving Lille and heading south. With only
the station heaters to keep them warm, the prospects
looked bleak. Fortunately a team of fellow jailbreakers
reminded Team Raggy Dolls of the spontaneity of Jail-
break...jump on the train AND face the consequences.
Following this advice, after our failed attempt at speak-
ing French, we jumped on the train to good ol' Parie.
One issue remained however; we didn’t have any tickets
or permission for travelling without one. Luckily, after be-
ing caught out by the train guard Jean-Paul (that’s right,
you read it correctly...his name was Jean-Paul) and his
magic man (another ticket guard who was amazingly
good at magic tricks) we were faced with a small 48euro
fine between us, the price of one ticket, as opposed to
the Japanese, well-known for the reliability of their
super-awesome Shinkansen bullet trains. An activist
organization even pledged to unleash a phenomenon
even more befuddling than Pokemon to extract revenge
for this perceived insult. Calls for the resignation of the
Chief Armourer of the bullet train system have already
been made.
This reporter advises readers not to panic, because all
of this might just turn out to be untrue. As stated in the
beginning of the article, these are just interim reports.
The final, annual report might tell a completely different
story.
by Anon Y Mouse
78 euro each.
Amazingly, overcoming all the obstacles of screwdrivers,
strange Frenchmen and a little bit of magic, Team Raggy
Doll had reached the Capital of France. With no luck
relying on the SCNF to take us further south and the ser-
endipitous meeting with another jailbreak team (Team
Beer Can) a unanimous decision was made to seize the
day and enjoy being in Parie. The day was dedicated
to sightseeing, aiming to finish the day at Disneyland
Paris!!! Our trek began visiting various landmarks across
Paris, ranging from the Notre Dame to the exquisite
Eiffel Tower (unfortunately we were unable to find the
Louvre, if you do find it...we would love to have the di-
rections- how you can miss glass pyramids, we’ll never
understand). Apparently we caused quite a buzz with our
yellow t-shirts at the Eiffel Tower, as we were bombard-
ed with “Bon Anniversaire” before walking up the 1021
steps from there it was the lift to the summit.
Nevertheless the day did not end with us standing at the
summit of the Eiffel Tower, we continued on our quest
to get to the place where dreams come true, slipping
through the barriers onto the Metro to Marnes La Vallee
Chessy (the home of Disneyland Paris). As 10pm com-
menced, we sat in “Billy Bob’s Country Western Saloon”
with one hell of a Minnie Mouse Balloon, eagerly await-
ing the news of where the other teams had got to…Ber-
lin, Cologne, Edinburgh and Banbury were some of the
news we got through… It had been one epic weekend.
Our jailbreak experience was truly "one-in-a-million". It
sounds cheesy but it really was one of those experienc-
es you could never really put into words. So many things
happened that we couldn’t believe at the time, never
mind actually have expected beforehand. It allowed us
to appreciate the generosity of many people and make
friends that we wouldn't have otherwise met. We feel
that Jailbreak as a whole really showed the student pop-
ulation in a better light, using an entire weekend, and
many longer than that, to giving up their time and effort
to raise a phenomenal amount of money for charity. If
we learnt one thing from our experience of jailbreak, we
learnt of the importance of finger tape…you never know
when you might need it!!
by Rebecca Clark and Kirsty Stubbs

"You Know What
Really Grinds My
Gears?..” :
Being Short
“You Know What Really Grinds Our
Gears?..” : Facebook Abuse
by Bakita Kasadha
This “Grind My Gears” was brought to you by
the whole team at The Stag! This time there
is a list:
1. Pointless fan pages/ groups: “I hate
Mondays”. People generally don’t
love them. I, too, am guilty of joining
pointless ones. I laugh at the name
and then never look at the group again
and if it’s the kind of group that likes
to change its status every 5 minutes,
I hide the group!
2. People joining groups only to insult all
of their statuses.
3. People who keep sending you friend
requests after you’ve ignored them.
Mate, get the hint!
4. People that get really clicker happy
and add you even though you have
never met, more than likely never will
and you have no mutual friends…
5. People who join the group, “A
relationship should be between two
people not the whole world” but still
insist on including the whole world in
their “lovey dovey” discussions with
their partner in through their posts and
statuses. You do realise if you don’t
want us to get involved please stop
shoving it in our faces there’s always
messaging, texting or even calling?
Why not try all three?!
6. People who have attention seeking
status changes, suggesting their life
is about to come to an end very soon
and when you ask what’s wrong they
reply, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing.” Then
please refrain from telling the whole
world about it then. The end.
Maybe I should make a Facebook group about
this Facebook abuse?
We (The Stag committee) swear that we’re
not moany mares all the time; it just really
“Grinds our Gears”.
features@thestagsurrey.co.uk
8
Can I get a lime and soda?
by Mark Allen
Lent is a time when people think about giving up things they think they can live without, with
classic choices being things such as fast food, chocolate or some lovely habits like smoking. I’m
not a religious man, but I decided to give up alcohol for the period of Lent in the first two years of
university. Some of you might be thinking I’m bonkers to give up the mega-deals on VK’s or £1.50
vodka and Monster deals for 40 days, so I thought I’d regale you with my experiences, and you
can see if you think it is something you could do.
The title of my article is a sentence I said too many times in bar/clubs over the 40 days. Lime and
soda is usually a pretty cheap drink, as it is literally just cordial and soda water, but you would be
amazed at how much some bars have started charging for them. You start to question yourself
when your handing over £1.25 for something that costs next to nothing to produce. I found myself
spending a ton of cash just on soft drinks alone, as most of the time I didn’t want to stand there
with a glass of tap water in my hand.
Hitting a club like Rubix completely sober is also an interesting experience, and I’m sure some of
us have done it. You see everything from the other side, and sometimes you think it’s not so much
fun, as much as you might want it to; watching all your friends drinking the night away. If the club
is particularly crap, then it REALLY makes it difficult to have a ‘reasonable’ time. But that’s not to
say alcohol makes clubs enjoyable, but it can make things seem better than they are (e.g. beer
goggles being the obvious one).
The main reasoning for my abstinence from alcohol was to personally see if I could do it (which I
did, on both occasions). It was hard, but quite interesting to see how much of our student culture
surroundings drinking. I also did it to save some money, as I’m sure we all want that £20 we blew
last night, once you take into account the pre-lash, ticket, drinks inside and the inevitable burger
and chips on the way home to make any attempt to sober yourself up for tomorrow’s lectures...
The SPLASH guide to writing POWERFUL essays
Academic essays are… So how can I make MY writing more ACADEMIC?
Precise Use language accurately, be exact with figures, pay attention to detail
Objective Be open-minded, fair and unemotional in your approach – avoid I, YOU and WE
Well-presented Make sure it looks professional – check your module handbook for guidelines
Edited / proofread Leave time to read through, re-order, change parts, add ideas, correct grammar
Referenced Ensure all ideas from books / journals have references. Add reference list
Formal Avoid slang / jargon. Use more sophisticated vocabulary. Do not abbreviate
Use caution Do not make over-generalisations. Things are rarely black and white
Linked Use connecting words / phrases to show your reader how ideas are related
Explicit Always be clear, avoid vague statements and vocabulary
Structured Write in paragraphs – one main idea per paragraph – think carefully about order
Supported Include examples and evidence - paraphrased, quoted, summarised ideas
Analytical Break down issues into component parts – show how they are related
Your own work Be original. NEVER copy someone’s work – student or author – it is plagiarism!
For further advice, come to a drop-in session: http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Skills/splash/schedules/dropinsched.htm
9
Amsterdam
Travel
by Elizabeth Pettigrew
Recently my friends and I decided we
needed a break. I know everyone feels
like that from time to time… we just need
to get away from uni, from work, stress
or whatever. A few of us had just handed
in some coursework and decided it was
time to blow off some steam. Instead of
the usual union or maybe London trip, we
decided to be a bit more adventurous,
see where we could go that was fairly
affordable and totally worth it. So, we
went to Amsterdam.
Amsterdam is somewhere that everybody
needs to go at some point in their lives.
I would suggest to go whilst you are at
university and to go with some good
friends. Anyway, we got to Amsterdam and
checked into our hotel which by the way
was an experience in itself.  We stepped
into Hotel St. Nicholas, a little hotel right in
the city centre about 5 minutes away from
the train station. It wasn’t quite what we
expected. The interior design bore signs of
having a gothic style influence with a rural
chic charm. Completely lit by candles with
a blazing fire and the creepiest concierge
ever with the exorcist music playing in the
background was Hotel St. Nicholas...and
this is just the beginning.
The first thing we did was head off to the
coffee shop. Now this is seriously trippy.
When you first enter Resin, it’s a tiny
humble looking café. However there’s a
door at the end that leads to this vast
space that can only be described as looking
like a jungle. There was this massive tree
thing in the middle with swings around
and different levels with green cushions
for chilling.
The first thing we smelt when we entered
the city was weed. No joke. Everywhere
you go there’s a café. At first it’s quite
shocking. It’s strange to find something
that’s highly illegal in most of the world,
everywhere. But to Amsterdam, it’s
nothing.
Amsterdam is a unique city with a culture
that may appear shocking to some.
However it is crucial to keep in mind that
the whole of Amsterdam is not Pot City. A
capital with a little bit more than 1,300
bridges is home to the Van Gogh museum
(for those who might not know him, he
was a famous painter from Groot-Zundert,
Holland), the Heineken museum, and
Anne Frank’s house. We decided to be
cultured and visit these places. It was
definitely worth it; however, we left Anne
Frank’s house severely depressed. So we
decided to go to Hard Rock Cafe. We then
decided to waddle back after feeling like
fat shits which increased our chances of
getting hit by the murder cyclists. Here’s
a fun fact about Amsterdam - there are
give or take about 1 million bicycles in
Amsterdam. Everyone is on a bike all the
time. Next to the roads, there are bike
lanes. And I’m not gonna lie, they are
like 3284738428974 scarier than cars.
Those people are vicious. They will ring
their bells at you and hit you. On countless
occasions we were all nearly hit.
On our last day we decided to go where
everyone goes when they visit this city
(including my grandmother who went last
year) - THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT. Now,
this is like no place you’ve ever been to
before. Everything that you picture it might
be, it’s that but about 3 million times
more perverted. Did you know that you
could buy penis extensions? I’m not even
kidding, it’s like a big tip to add to your tip.
AND condoms with the shape of the Eiffel
tower on the end or the Statue of Liberty,
in green and everything. Anyway, back
to the nasty part.  We ventured into the
most shocking place I’ve ever been. Down
two very long streets, are an unlimited
amount of brothels, sex museums, sex
shops and sex shows. Basically SEX
everywhere. You know that ending scene
in the movie perfume where everyone
joins into a massive orgy? That’s it. So
when your walking the funniest thing to
see is the people going into the brothels.
You see these beautiful, effin hot women
in these windows, posing with glow in the
dark bikinis who smile seductively and lick
their lips luring you in.  I’m not surprised
that many can’t resist, but what was kind
of weird was, as we were passing one of
the brothels, we saw a man and women
open the door of one and ask ‘do you
do couples?’ and the hooker added ‘we
do everything, yes’. WOW. I was like who
brings their girlfriend to a brothel? WOW.
Anyway, who am I to judge and I thought
it was funny. After just leaving a sex show
where we saw two fat old people do doggy
on stage, nothing else could shock or
disturb me. In fact, that will be accurate
for the rest of my life.
Amsterdam is actually a beautiful city full
of canals and rich architecture and history.
There are plenty of things to do and see
there. So when you decide you need an
affordable, highly entertaining holiday,
visit Amsterdam, the ultimate Sin City.
I LOL’d at how boring
this lifestyle has become!
by Tom Goulding
Click, pop, patter.  That’s the sound of you refreshing your Facebook
homepage, receiving a message and replying with a few causal
strokes of the keyboard.  Opened next to you will be lecture notes
you desperately need to read in order to pass tomorrow morning’s
module assessment, but wait! A Facebook group declaring ‘F**k
it, 40%!’!  Well as long as that’s the general opinion you laugh
wholeheartedly, taking a slurp of tea that you found the motivation
to make three hours ago.  Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s gone cold.
But it’s okay, you’re not the only one.  The online community has
wasted more hours ‘becoming fans’ of trivial Facebook groups than
all the people who have sat through a James Cameron film put
together. As University students, we of course must bear the full brunt
of the blame, because while the vast majority of Western civilization
have the time to join appreciation societies that LOL at cheeky seals
peeping in the corner of a Polaroid, we’re the Pizzaman devouring,
semi-alcoholic minority who have the time to make them.
What’s perhaps more bizarre, is no one is quite certain when the
Facebook group craze started.  Some philosophize that its origins can
be traced as far back as the mass Bebo and MySpace emigrations
of yesteryear, however a more accurate theory may just be that we
all got bored of holding mature, and civilized conversations with
each other. Such common codes of formal exchange as “How are
you?” it seems are obsolete in the notorious era of group orgies. 
Now we have to trick each other into Google searching blue waffle
(please don’t by the way, I’ll get in trouble) and satirizing Madeline
McCann to see which hysterical Mail-reading characterization we
can infuriate first.
The problem here isn’t grotesque genitourinary infections or jokes
about child abduction, we’re not living in the taboo-restricted fascism
of the Noughties anymore. It’s the belief that since the anti-X Factor
grass roots rage over Christmas, it now seems that every routine
observation, every monotonous controversy and every sarcastic
remark about obese teenagers trying to express themselves deserves
public attention, that it should receive “the most fans” and therefore
catapult their founder to a boardroom meeting with Simon Cowell
or Gordon Brown. It’s playground pettiness for the over twenties
market, but oh wait no it’s not, because here comes an eight-year-
old asking what an STI is and if it’s cool to get one. Blimey, when
we were their age it was all about Pokemon not prophylactics! I bet
there aren’t any Facebook groups out there trying to gain popularity
for that piece of witty social commentary.  Oh....…
Why do we perpetuate what has essentially turned from social
networking to becoming fans of nothing for the sheer hell of it? 
Guardian columnist Hadley Freeman recently wrote an interesting
piece on this phenomenon, declaring it as the latest form of political
protest.  As she remarked however, there’s a fair amount of difference
between clicking an icon and being ‘kettled’ at Westminster by riot
police.  This isn’t technology being used to front a revolutionary
ideal, no one is sparking the fuse for parliamentary reform. We’re all
sitting on our arses, hungover and trying to reinforce some perception
of our own identity by chuckling drily at how easy childbirth is in
comparison to a hardcore match on Modern Warfare 2.
Maybe it’s time to stop looking at the politicians for answers, and
take stock of our own indifference to the world around us.  Wait a
minute, that’s given me an amazing idea for a group! Unfortunately
you’ll need to click here to see the picture…

There’s a man with an axe standing in the rain. Looked
me straight in my eyes, this is what he had to say...
I had a dream. Not to be confused with I have a
dream, I wouldn’t try to start an entry by ripping off
such an important figure as Luther-King. No read-
ers I am speaking from the past tense and not the
present, I had a dream a couple of nights ago. To
which I hear you say so what? The notion of some-
one’s mind presenting them with mental pictures
and stories whilst they slumber is hardly ground-
breaking news. However I must admit I am not
someone who often remembers their dreams, or
ever really. Most in my family would have animat-
ed conversations with the rest about the previous
nights dream where they might have been losing all
their teeth, or travelling to a distant exotic location
with a stranger with a limp etc, after which they
would form some ill fashioned guess as to what
the fates had coming their way. Some may have
those passing memories we get, when in a strange
moment of déjà vu that seems to occur to us when
we repeat an action from the dream and a short
flashback comes hurtling into the forefront of your
peripheral vision. Again not something uncommon
but it was the nature of this dream that stayed with
me. And seeing as Ulearn appears to be down for
the foreseeable future and the rain is coming down
outside, let me tell you about this dream.
It started as most dreams do in a fairly innocu-
ous location of little relevance, the kitchen of my
grandmother’s house. I was standing by the side
of the kitchen table opposite a small child sat on
the other side, and there was some form of board
game between us that seemed to resemble chess.
Anyway he (it is a boy) had his head down presum-
ably concentrating on the game, and beckoned
for me to sit and play with him. I took the seat
Radio 1 Gets To Greet The Meat
Deep within the
bowels of Radio
1’s central towers
lie their state of
the art studios.
There they are daily
broadcasting to
millions of people across the land and providing a
platform for entertainment and information. Then
they let GU2 Radio in.
Sullied now are the desks, petrified are the touch
screens and even Greg James couldn’t stomach
staying in the same room as us. Why? Well, once
we had settled within the studio one of our young
males decided that it would be appropriate and
sociably acceptable to display his man-pouch
within their walls. Then he lunged. I wanted to
vom-vom. We caught it on camera and because I
know that some people like seeing genital bulges I
include the photograph.
Among other things, GU2 Radio has also been
10
opposite and began moving the pieces for a few
seconds before the boy started asking me these
questions. Now up until this point the dream has
taken no particular turns in any awkward direction.
But when the boy began asking me questions, well
they were not on topics you’d expect from a 5 or 6
year old boy, presumably because he began with
“Where did it all go wrong?”
The way he spoke was striking enough, let alone
the harrowing nature of beginning a conversation
with that question, a question that could not be an-
swered with anything other than questioning what
“what” was? To which the boy replied It was then they boy raised his gaze from the table
“Everything” to meet mine, and I saw I was looking at an ex-
act replica of myself about fifteen years ago, right
After this my memory of the majority of the con- down to the bleach blonde hair I used to sport so
versation becomes patchy, a lot of philosophical well as a child. Unsurprisingly this was the point
enquiries along the lines of the dichotomy of good at which my mind chose to throw me back to the
and evil with references to various parts of my child- reality of the world in my own bed at some god
hood. I remember being surprised at the maturity forsaken hour of the morning. After a quick glass
of the boy. Normally with a kid this age the conver- of water I was back to sleep but the dream has
sations would have failed to move away from the stuck with me. Maybe because of the tradition of
topic of ‘If you could have any superpower, what the human psyche to latch onto shocking or nega-
would it be?’ followed by hour long conversations tive views and memories.
discussing (as of course we all have) the costs and
benefits of invisibility, is it worth being able to sneak The point that troubles me still is that if the idea my
into the girls changing rooms, would the power to mother and sister share is true and dreams form
read minds cause a dislike to everyone around you, some kind of premonition of things to come, I’d
how many cars would you crash into before you got hate to consider what lies in my future.
a handle on super speed and how we could all be
superheroes. Still as the conversation reached its I’ll leave it at that for this time guys, for another
closure I felt the only question left to ask was fortnight!
“Why are you telling me all this?”
Campus Boy
“Because you need to hear it”
giving extensive coverage to the Sab elections. I
know you are all sick of the gimmicky and socially
awkward ego trip campaigning that often goes
with these elections, but we actually sat them
down in the studio and made them debate real
WIN!
issues with each other. This was the only stop on
the campaign trail where they could take each
other on head to head and some manifesto
promises got torn to bit. Not a poster, Facebook
group or hat in sight, this was just about how
good the candidates would actually be as your
representatives. Some came out as shining
Tickets to Beach
diamonds, others sounded like polished turds and
no amount of novelty campaigning can cover that. Break Live...
Also, if anyone at Surrey feels like singing a Only in the next edi-
couple of good songs on air then there are a
couple of shows with live music slots and if you’re ton of The Stag out
good then we’d love to let you on. Contact ASM@
GU2.co.uk about it. after Easter!
GU2 Radio is your student station and we
broadcast 24/7 on 1350am and www.gu2.co.uk
11
Hi! We’re back with our fourth issue and with Easter just around
the corner, we’re well into Spring which means we can enjoy
sensational spring/summer fashions!
In this issue we bring you an update on the dazzling gowns from
the Oscar awards! H&M are getting ready to debut a beautiful,
romantic Spring collection entitled ‘The Garden Collection’. Get
your first look here where we give you fun information about the
collection and pictures of our favourite pieces!
Finally we bring you our usual ‘Student Buy of the Week’ which
is an on trend studded shoulder jumper, perfect for the
transition from Winter to Spring and our ‘Top Looks of the
Week’ for both day and evening wear. We hope you enjoy
reading this issue and have a fabulous Easter!
Love Nisha and Christie xxx
H&M: Flower Power
H&M provide pure romance and Spring simplicity at its best with yet another
perfect collection...
H&M seems to be going from strength to strength recently becoming one of the top
high street retailers in the UK with quality clothing at reasonable prices. After debuting
exclusive designer collections from the likes of Jimmy Choo and Sonia Rykiel, H&M
are gearing up to the release of their appropriately titled ‘Garden Collection’. The
‘Garden Collection epitomises an idyllic Spring wardrobe from bold flower printed
skirts that can be teamed with basic tank tops to romantic ruffle details and tranquil
Spring pastel colours. Many of the pieces have a hippie chic twist to them by use of
vibrant colours to make the classic floral patterns more vivid and unique. Prices range
from a mere £1.99 for accessories, to £7.99 for basic items, £12.99 for gorgeous
dresses and up to £39.99 for more intricate, detailed pieces.

If you would like to make any comments or have any views on
this issue please contact us by e – mail. We would also really
appreciate any suggestions for future issues. Thank you Nisha
and Christie xx
cc00206@surrey.ac.uk na00107@surrey.ac.uk
Student Fashion Tip: Free Benefit lip gloss/
lipstick in association with Cadbury’s Flake
Cosmetic giant ‘Benefit’ have teamed up with Cadbury’s Flake
for the chance to win one of one million free lip glosses and
lipsticks in selected shades. For a chance to win, simply
purchase any Flake chocolate bar (single, multipack) to receive
a free code inside the wrapper. Enter your code on the Flake
website (www.flake.co.uk) to see if you have won!
But the fabulous spring designs are not even the best bit about the collection. All
items of clothing within the collection have been made with organic and recyclable
materials all of which are sustainable! Examples of materials used are organic cotton/
linen, recycled polyester and tencel. Who said you can’t be fashionable and
environmentally friendly at the same time!
With beautiful, lust worthy designs at great prices and the fact that the collection is
environmentally friendly, what’s not to like about this collection? There’s no better way
to rejuvenate your dull winter wardrobe than with the ‘Garden Collection’ which hits
stores on March 25th, so head to a local store soon so you don’t miss out! If you want
to view the entire collection or want more information you can visit
http://www.hmthegarden
collection.com/
Here are just a few of
our favourite items:

Chocolate and a free lip gloss? Now there’s a combination All pictures courtesy of
that’s hard to beat! The promotion runs from 11th February to http://www.hmthegarden
31st October 2010.Good Luck! collection.com/

The Oscars 2010 ... Best Dressed

The Oscar Awards are perhaps the award show that fashion fans look forward to the most. Months before the event celebrities start planning what to wear to this magical event and this
year, with an array of stunning gowns, we were not disappointed! The awards held on Sunday 7th March brought out the best of the best in all their finery! Strapless gowns in neutral
colours seemed to be the trend of the night and are always an elegant and poised look. Several celebrities took risks in off-beat and printed gowns much to our delight as we get to see
something different! Below are some of our favourite looks from the night:
KatyPerryͲ ZuhairMuradSpring2010/JenniferLopezͲ  Rachel McAdams- Elie Saab couture
 ArmaniPrivéSpring2010
‘The Notebook’ actress Rachel McAdams is one celebrity who

Katy Perry is pictured at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party looking tried something different on the red carpet with her couture
absolutely sensational in this Zuhair Murad dress. The gown by red carpet ‘go- to-designer’ Elie Saab. Rachel made the

combination of red and nude flatters her skin tone whilst perfect choice of a conventional strapless, cascading gown but
the dress itself really shows off her knock – out figure. Katy took a risk with the unusual watercolour print. However she pulls
 chosen to keep her make-up toned down and kept her
has it off as the pale colours are romantic and ideal for Spring!
jewellery to a minimum this maintains the focus on that Rachel let the dress speak with minimal jewellery, make up and

fabulous dress. Another beautiful and dramatic dress was swept back hair. From the crossed material on the bodice to the
this pale pink Armani Privé gown, worn by the gorgeous empire waistline to the gorgeous print Rachel picked a definite

Jennifer Lopez; the shimmering Swarovski crystals, curved stand- out dress!
bustier
 detail and side train really made her stand out on
the red carpet!

Top Looks of the Week! We’re Loving...

Day wear: Kourtney Kardashian
 This mint studded shoulder jumper is the perfect
Reality TV star Kourtney Kardashian’s

ensemble is the epitome of a cool and
casual spring day outfit. Her H&M military

inspired blouse hits high in the fashion ranks
in terms of style and colour. Military inspired
clothing is all the rage lately and Kourtney

makes a double style hit with the ‘it’ colour
this season: khaki/olive green. She teams
her blouse with casual but stylish distressed
boyfriend jeans and a brown belt to tie the
look together. The great thing about this
look is the pop of colour Kourtney adds with
her gorgeous, bold blue Chanel bag- making
this outfit anything but boring! With this
great outfit, it’s clear that Kourtney has her
finger firmly on the fashion pulse!
Evening Wear- Sandra Bullock- Marchesa
Stunning actress Sandra Bullock was clearly one of student buy; the pastel colour is very fashionable
the best dressed at the Oscars. Once again our firm coming into the spring season and the studded
favourites Marchesa have created yet another shoulder adds a cute twist! This jumper can be
bought at Topshop for just £34.20 (with 10%
fabulous look that fits Sandra like a glove. This gown
student discount).
is completely Oscar appropriate and the perfect
choice for the ‘Best Actress’ winner! Sandra’s look is
elegant and a throwback to unbeatable Old
Hollywood glamour, from her sleek hair, swept over
one shoulder to her crimson lipstick. The exquisite
embroidery on the bodice and shimmering colour
gives a luxurious, vintage feel which is synonymous
with Old Hollywood.
Sandra’s recent looks at award ceremonies are
some of her best yet, and she proves that age truly
doesn’t matter by embodying the famous YSL quote
that ’style is eternal’...
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eet i
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& The

Ru b ix
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5 9th May | 7pm in Rubix
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Science of Spring
by David Pugh
With Easter just round the corner, and the shops full of cream eggs and
other exciting treats, I thought I’d take a look at spring, from a scientific
point of view.
Every year, spring arrives on a different date - usually between March
19-21 – for two reasons: our year is not exactly an even number of
days, and Earth has a slightly noncircular orbit, plus the gravitational tug
of the other planets, constantly changes our planet’s position relative to
the sun from year to year.
This year spring began on Saturday 20th March that is when the vernal
equinox occurs. Equinoxes (which mark the onset of spring and autumn)
and solstices (which mark when summer and winter begin) are points in
time and space that mark a transition in our planet’s annual adventure
around the sun.
At each equinox, the sun crosses the Earth’s equator, making night and
day of approximately equal length on most of the planet. At the equator,
the sun is directly overhead at noon on either equinox.
Earth’s multiple motions — spinning on its axis and orbiting the sun —
are behind everything from day and night to the changing seasons
The sun comes up each day because Earth rotates once on its axis
every 24 hours. Seasons are due to the Earth being tilted 23.5 degrees
on its spin axis and the planet’s 365-day orbit around the sun.
At the North Pole, the sun rises only once a year — at the start of spring.
It gets higher in the sky each day until the summer solstice, then sinks
but does not truly set until late September, at the autumn equinox.
To fully grasp this concept I need you to imagine Earth as an apple
sitting on one side of a table, with the stem being the North Pole. Tilt
the apple 23.5 degrees so the stem points toward a candle (the sun) at
the centre of the table. That’s summer for the top half of the apple.
science@thestagsurrey.co.uk
14
Keep the stem pointing in the same direction but move the apple to
the other side of the table. Now the stem points away from the candle,
and it’s winter on the top half of the fruit. The very top of the apple,
representing the North Pole, is in total darkness 24 hours a day, during
that season.
At winter solstice, the sun arcs low across the Northern Hemisphere
sky for those of us below the Arctic Circle, and the stretch of daylight
is at its shortest. By the time of the spring equinox, days have grown
quite a bit longer. At the summer solstice, the sun gets as high in our
sky as it can go, giving us the longest day of the year in the Northern
Hemisphere.
So we have longer days, nicer weather and lambs, lots of baby lambs.
There are over 200 breeds of sheep in the world, many of these come
from New Zealand (where there are almost 10 times as many sheep
as there are people), South America and Wales. They eat largely grass,
which they chew into a mass called a bolus, which is digested in their
38 litre gut. A sheep’s main export is wool, chances are you’re wearing
something right now that once kept a sheep nice and warm.
Daffodils have long been considered one of the heralds of spring and
every year over 5 million of them pop up across the UK. Planted in
autumn, they spend several months developing roots before the flowers
burst forth in spring. They can be divided into 13 divisions, based
mainly on flower form, and these divisions are often referred to in bulb
catalogues. Some divisions are known particularly for their fragrance, or
for their ability to naturalise in grass. Daffodils can be troubled by slugs,
snails, viral diseases, and Narcissus bulb rot. Other problems include
various rots and fungal diseases. Unfortunately, sometimes daffodils
can fail to flower or produce unusually small, pale flowers. This is known
as daffodil blindness, and has a number of causes, none of which I
know about.
I do hope this article has put a spring in your step. See what I did there?
It was funny, yeh...? Well fine, but spring is here, which means goodbye
rain, hello Easter eggs. Enjoy your month; sorry if you have to spend it
frantically writing up your dissertation.
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This Week in Welfare Elections...
I’m going to take a break from my normal
Welfare related rantings this week. Instead I’m
going to tell you a bit more about what’s been
happening this fortnight on the election front.
So you’ve probably been walking around campus
wondering what’s with all these flashy banners, t
shirts and flyers strewn about the place. The lucky
ones among you may have even been handed
a cake or bumped into a superhero. It’s all
because of this year’s Students’ Union Sabbatical
elections. Voting is open and the candidates
are out. But what exactly are you voting for?
Well you’ve all probably seen the Students’ Union
in your time at Surrey. If you’re in first year you’ll
most likely still remember being moved in by a
team of ‘fresher’s angels’ who unpacked your car
(the record was 6 seconds) and took your stuff to
your room. You’ll probably also remember Fresher’s
fair – a Students’ Union run event to introduce you
to all the excellent goodies University life has to
offer. The Students’ Union also runs Chancellors
and Rubix as well as all your sports clubs and
societies and a whole host of other things.
Each year the student body elects 5 student
officers to take on the responsibility of running
the Union. These student offers take the positions
of President and four Vice Presidents. Each officer
role is a paid full time job and is responsible for
overseeing the strategic direction of the Union
as well as day to day projects within their remit.
This year candidates were given a £130 budget
cap to campaign for their chosen position. It’s
up to each candidate to get the word out about
their candidacy in whatever way they see fit.
But what are the positions?
- President: The big cheese – responsible
for overseeing the running of the whole
Union.
- VP Welfare: Tasked with ensuring the
University is looking after all its students
as well as heading up the Union’s Welfare
support team.
- VP Education: Works with the University to
ensure the highest standard of Education
for all students and runs the Union’s
Education support team.
- VP Societies: Responsible for all societies
and the rules and procedures that govern
them.
- VP Sports: In charge of all sports teams
18
as well as liaising with the University on
issues affecting sports e.g. the Sports
Park.
With such a broad remit it’s vital that the
elected positions are filled with high quality
candidates. But what makes a high quality
candidate? Well that’s for you to decide!
Voting for this year’s Sabbatical Elections is online
at ‘vote.ussu.co.uk’. You’ll be able to check out all
the candidates’ manifestos there before you vote.
If you log on to Facebook you can also check out
the Students’ Union fan page ‘Election 2010’ tab.
There you’ll find links to all the candidates Facebook
pages as well as the candidate hustings video.
Voting closes on Friday 26th and results
are announced in Chancellors that night
at 8pm. Get voting before it’s too late!
Back to my regular ‘Week in Welfare’ article next
issue!
Until then...
Malcolm Hunt
VP Welfare

Time Goes On Spoof One-Liner Horoscopes

Okay, right now it’s 5 am and I am still up
and I don’t think I’ll be  sleeping any time
soon. There was this one time quite a while
back, about two years ago. I was listening to
music on the computer while playing solitaire
(I had made a  play-list). As I was playing I
then realised that I did not like most of the
songs playing so I kept on leaving the game
to change them (the songs); in the meantime
the solitaire game went on and the time kept
on getting higher.
Then I  realised that life is  like that. Life
doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. We make
decisions in life and chances are some of
them are mistakes and it’s up to us to decide
whether we’ll just live with them or go back
and fix them  either way, life or time won’t
stop for us,  it will just go on like  solitaire.
Every second and minute gone by will never
come by again.
I hear people complaining about how there
aren’t enough hours in the day, or that they
have so much to do but so little time in which
to do it in. Usually people do end up doing
what they need to do and that means you
are able and that you actually had enough
time to do it. I always tell my mentees that
time waits for no one and that you must
seize the moment and seize the day. There’s by Mariam Nasir
a little saying that I recall, it goes something
like when life hands you lemons, take shots Aries: Get Over It!
of tequila. Now you are probably thinking of
that little saying from Forest Gump about Taurus: Every cloud has a silver lining.
life being a box of chocolates etc but yes
life is full of surprises and things happen Gemini: Hard work never killed anyone, willing
so unexpectedly. My advice to you is to set to take the chance?
a goal and target something, so that when
you look back 20 years from now you are Cancer: Sometimes too much drink just isn’t
satisfied with your accomplishments.  enough.
Sometimes when we lose, we win and
remember that everyone has problems and
Leo: Love is blind, go for it.
whatever problem you are going through
someone else is probably has it worse.
Virgo: The glass is half full, not half empty (at
So I  guess it’s just best to make the right least this week).
decisions in the beginning to save yourself
time in the future.  I should have just Libra: Food is not a substitute for love.
picked the right songs in the first  place,
but I  guess  that’s  how life is.  We all make Scorpio: Like the scorpion, you are dangerous.
mistakes,  but just know that the clock is
ticking. Sagittarius: When the going gets tough, the
  tough get going
Follow me on twitter  www.twitter.com/
decap88 Capricorn: Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
by Don Decaprivano Aquarius: Don’t judge a book by its movie.
Pisces: A night in is much needed.
19
19
Easy
Shepherd’s Pie
Ingredients:

1 pack Minced lamb

The Big Pink Stroll 1 onion, chopped

Vegetable stock cube in a cup of

in aid of Cancer Research UK boiling water

2 tablespoons tomato puree

1 mile walk around campus, organised by Student Health Care
1 tablespoon dried or fresh thyme
to ‘Join the fight for women’s survival’
1 tablespoon plain flour/corn flour

Thursday 6 May, 12.30pm 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

or HP sauce
Starting from the Austin Pearce Building and finishing at the Lake
5 or 6 medium potatoes, cut up into
• everyone is welcome small pieces (size of half an egg)
• male/female
Frozen peas/carrots
• staff/students
• pink is highly recommended Method:
• think pink clothes, wigs, accessories
1. Brown minced lamb in a saucepan
• a prize will be given for the most
creative pink outfit 2. Add chopped onions, fry till they
are soft
For more information and a sponsorship form
please contact: 3. Add flour, thyme, tomato puree,
Student Health Care Worcestershire sauce and mix well
T: +44 (0) 1483 689051 or ext 2072
E: studenthealthcare@surrey.ac.uk 4. Add stock and water, add peas/
chopped carrots

5. Simmer for 10-15 minutes

6. Meanwhile, in a separate pan,

cook potatoes in boiling water till
soft

7. When potatoes are soft, mash

with milk/butter as preferred, salt
and pepper to taste

8. Add lamb to an oven proof dish,

top with mash, cook on gas mark
2695-0210
6 or 180 C till browned on top.

9. Serve with any veg or beans!

6WXGHQW&DUH7KH%LJ3LQN6WUROO3RVWHULQGG 

Chat Health!
Trouble sleeping? Anxious about exams? Worried about STIs? Want to know how alcohol can be affecting your mood?
Want to know more about Cannabis? Want to lose weight? Need nutrition information? Then mail in your questions all in
confidence to studenthealthcare@surrey.ac.uk to CHAT HEALTH for your reply in each edition of The Stag.
 21
Ask Angelique Anything.....
I can’t take him
home to my mum
Hey Angelique,
I’ve recently got with this guy called
H, and I really like him but I’m
afraid my family will not approve
of him. In my family it seems to be
essential that you have a girlfriend
or boyfriend that is the same race
as you but this means nothing to
me, since I am pretty sure that I’m
in love with him. I don’t want to
disappoint them but I really like
him and I would like them to meet
him. Any advice?
I’m running out of money, FAST!
Hey Angelique,
I really need some financial
help. I’m way to far into my
overdraft to a think about
taking out more, I’ve used
all the money my parents
have given me and I’m
pretty sure they will refuse
to give me any more. I
need help NOW please.
Kaiyn
20
Get it off your chest
Hi Kaiyn
Trust me you are not the only one. You can
go to the student advice centre and tell them
what your situation is and they will help you
to the best of their ability. If you need to talk
to someone about pushing your rent back,
you can go to the accommodation office.
Stay calm and get help!
Angelique x

Sam I’m a bit worries that HE may turn out to be a SHE...

Hey Sam,
This is a common issue in many
families but love is eternal and it is
necessary that the person you’re
with is your own choice otherwise
you many never forgive yourself.
However, if your family want the
best for you and want you to be
happy they will come around in
time. Make sure that you are sure
this person feels the same way
about you. You should be able to
make your own choices in life but I
can understand why in some situ-
ations this may not be the case.
Be strong and hang onto him be-
cause good guys are hard to find
these days.
Hey Angelique,
This might be a really odd problem but my boyfriend is so sensitive and I am getting a
little bit worried. It's like the roles have been reversed, he always wants to go shopping
and sit and talk about his ‘feelings’ I feel like I’m going mad! I feel like something is SO
wrong here, I mean I know boys can have feminine qualities but this is just ridiculous.
I know I’m also probably over reacting but I need some reassurance, HELP!
Janie
Hi Janie,
Get a grip hun, so he likes shopping and sharing his feelings, this is what most girls com-
plain about their boyfriends not doing. He seems to like spending time with you - why is
that a problem. If it’s too much for you, talk to him about it and see what he says. Some
girls like sensitive guys and some girl’s don’t. I wouldn’t worry about him ‘being a girl’
unless he actually is… and if so then I guess that explains everything. Good luck and let
me know what the verdict is.

Angelique x Angelique x
Useful Websites:
Need someone to talk to? Get it off your chest

Ask Angelique Anything.....

www.connexions-direct.com
General advice
www.talktofrank.com
Drug advice
www.childline.org.uk
Self harm and Abuse advice
Email: askangeliqueanything@gmail.com www.sextalk.org
Sexual health advice
Special Edition
Editor: Sara Hadfield
Editor-In-Chief: Elizabeth Simos
Produced in USSU,
University of Surrey,
Guildford
Est. 2008

FREE

Sabbatical Elections
2010/2011

Read the Manifestos

NOW! In this manifesto special:

Read all the candidates’ manifestos and make
the right choice for YOUR Union!
Recycle
Special Edition I 22nd March 2010 I www.thestagsurrey.co.uk
Your Stag!
23

President
Candidate Name : Alex Chalikiopoulos
Position : USSU President
Personal Statement.
I am a final year Business Economics with Finance student and will be running to be your Union President in this year’s
student’s union election. I believe that the combination of an equally active academic and social life has enhanced my
understanding of what University is all about. Throughout my time here I have been able to interact with a variety of people and
this has enabled me to observe and take on board what it is that you want out of your time at university. If elected, I obviously
aim not only to achieve the objectives set out below, but to identify evolving issues set out by you, act upon these and rectify
the negative aspects of your university experience whilst upholding the positive ones.

Why me? VOTE FOR ALEX : VOTE FOR YOUR UNION : VOTE FOR YOUR VOICE

x I am completely approachable, well rounded, open-minded, but also serious about what the position entails.
x Valuable knowledge of an office environment, completing tasks punctually & making decisions when the consequences are not solely limited to me.
x Lived the whole university experience, with an excellent academic record, completion of a placement year & involvement in a range of social activities.
x Having experienced diverse cultures & been brought up in an international environment, I know I’ll be able to represent the student population as a whole.

Key Objectives.

1. Enhance Communication & Accessibility - A stronger
student voice can only be amplified through direct communication with
the University union. There would be no better way than to put policies
in place that increase the ease to which students can approach me and
discuss further issues concerned with USSU. I vow to create extra
weekly sessions (aside my office hours) for students willing to just
come by and discuss certain issues. In addition, I will not only be living
on campus but I hope to commit a large amount of my time in actually
getting out amongst you, interacting and taking on board all your needs.
2. Combat Student Apathy – If any of you were aware of the
poor attendance at this year’s Union AGM, you would understand how
important and relevant this point is in regards to your requirements.
Whether students feel disenfranchised due to a lack of transparency or
lack of knowledge of the union’s activities and functions, I aim to
combat this feeling, by enhancing communication through social media
and streamlining the democratic channel for student’s voices to the top.
This is your union, and should therefore be your voice being
represented.

3. Promote Student Entrepreneurship - In an environment
where corporate mentality seems to be overpowering the
entrepreneurial aptitude within a lot of you out there, I aim to
encourage the flair and talent of our very own students, on our very
own campus. I hope to provide the resources to those willing to bring
new concepts and innovative ideas that shall improve the day to day
running of the union as whole, but also grant you – the students – with
a chance to excel in projects that will minister to your personal
development.
4. Support Integration - In light of the University’s intentions on
expanding projects beyond the main campus (see for example the
investment in the Surrey Sports complex), I will closely monitor the
foundations laid out and hope to develop upon and improve these in
order to better suit your desires. I believe it is imperative that all
students, whether they reside on-campus or not, do not feel isolated
from the opportunities and offerings of our union.
vote.ussu.co.uk : 15th – 26th March, 2010

MANIFESTO FOR ARRAN STEARS

“VOTE ARRAN STEARS, THE MAN WORKING HARD FOR HIS PEERS”
For those who don’t know me, my name is Arran Stears and I am To ensure that the Student Hardship
asking for your support in running for Student Union President.
Fund remains accessible to all
Having had such a great opportunity, experience and inspiring This central government fund (Administrated from the
time studying at the University of Surrey, I feel urged to give Student Advice Service) has recently been cut and I intend
something back to the student community as a token of my to ask the University to subsidise the fund from its
appreciation. Therefore I am standing for Student Union Corporate Service Budget on a pound for pound basis. For
President because I believe that I have the leadership qualities example, if anyone is entitled to get say £100 from the
and the moral strength needed to ensure that students get the fund, then the University will match this value.
best deal in this difficult economic time.

I have some strong and firm policies which I would like to share
To be ready and willing to serve you
with you in this Manifesto, if elected my main goals are: I will put the student voice above my own interests by making sure that I
express your concerns and that the Student Parliament remains strong and
To be widely available to the Student body responds appropriately. I will ensure
that democracy is lived out within the
I will publish my mobile and office telephone numbers, so that I can respond
Student Union.
to the needs of students 24 hours a day. If elected I will live on campus, and
endeavour to make sure that I am readily available for anyone to drop by and I am running for this job for you, the
discuss issues with me out of office hours. students, not for myself. If you would
like more information about me, and
To act upon the problem of insufficient student what I am standing for, please do not
housing hesitate to contact me:
If I become President this will be one of my highest priorities. I will make E-mail: as00020@surrey.ac.uk
every effort to have meetings with the University - in particular the Vice Mobile: 07863 888797
Chancellor and the Housing Accommodation Officer - to discuss more Skype: “arranstears”
affordable housing for students at the University of Surrey. Facebook: Search “Vote Arran Stears”
Address: 45 St. Catherine’s House, Guildford Court, GU2 7JL
 24
Do YOU believe your Students' Union REPRESENTS you?

Vote JACK COLBY

[1]
For President
& Get a Union that listens and truly represents to YOU!
If elected I will:
 Increase the availability of the Sabbaticals. & Executive officers to the general
student body.
 Reorganise and adapt the Union's representational system to suit the modern
student. Currently, each of the 13 Union officers must represent 1077 students.
I aim to alter the current system.
 Give more power to the Sports' and Societies' Standings, enabling them to be
more representational of YOU, the Students.

See my Facebook group “Vote [1] For Jack Colby For President” for the full
manifesto.

VOTE ONLINE
AT:
vote.ussu.co.uk
25
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 26
VP Education
   J#K
 

About Me
I am a final year Business Management student and have become passionately & actively involved in our
Students' Union during my time here.
I currently hold the position of Events Coordinator for the RAG Society, a post that requires a great deal of
dedication, drive and determination. I have also worked in Rubix since September 2009, and greatly value
the experience I’ve gained in seeing just how our union operates.

Throughout my time at Surrey I have seen first-hand the pivotal role you should, and do, play in shaping not
only your education but all aspects of your university life and I am looking for your support in electing me as
your Vice-President Education for 2010-11.
If Elected I Will:

1) Oppose, Protest and Campaign against any funding cuts that directly affect YOUR quality of teaching.
x Universities took over a decade to recover from the funding crises of the 1980’s; Lets not let them
make the same mistakes again. I will not let your futures be put at risk
x Surrey University’s aim is to become a top 10 university by 2019, this will only be done by constantly
investing in teaching and in your education. A university is only as strong as its students

2) Ensure that the university does not introduce higher tuition fees for students.
x Students should not be expected to pay more when funding cuts are on the agenda
x You should be able to study at the university you deserve NOT the university you can afford

3) Address problems with the current Student Representative System by creating a new Academic Council
for each Faculty, open to all students and meeting regularly once a month.
x Encourages greater dialogue between students and their reps
x Regularly quiz your Academic Reps and VP Education on the academic issues that matter to YOU

4) Create a printer credits system that is fair for ALL students

x It is grossly unfair that some subjects give their students up to 500 free sheets of A4 a semester whilst other students get nothing
x You should not be financially penalised because of the subject you choose to study

5) Address the “Beach-Towel” culture that affects the library at exam times
x Bring an end to row after row of claimed but empty desks in the library by allowing a maximum of 45 minutes away from a desk
x Free up more critically needed learning space for the students that deserve it

Vote Matthew Rawlings [1]

for VP Education
Your Education, Your Candidate
I will...
™ Fight to improve examination procedures and feedback.
™ Increase support for departmental representatives.
™ Increase student awareness of appeals and complaints
procedure.

Matthew is…
a third year Electronics and Computer Engineering student. He has been an active
student representative since secondary school. He served two years on his
department's Staff-Student Liaison Committee; where he successfully lobbied for
improvements to the coursework marking scheme. He has always been committed to
improving the experience of fellow students and has provided first aid in the Union
since his first year.
Experience and commitment matter – vote Rawlings
27
ManifestoͲVicePresidentEducationͲ
SamBull
OverthelasttwoyearsIhavehadtheprivilegeto
representyouasyourStudentsUnionChairman,I
amnowaskingforyoursupportoncemoretoelect
measyourUnionChairperson.
EducationPolicy
Delivered
AsyourUnionChairmanIhaveactivelyworkedto
ensurethattheUnionhasthedemocratic
processesinplacetoensurethatpolicycanbe
passedbythemostrepresentativebodypossible.
DuringmytermsinofficeIhaveseenstudentsbring
theirownmotionsandchangeaspectsoftheUnion
tomaketheirengagementwithitabetterprocess.
Whilewedohavepoliciesreflectinghowwe
operateinternallywedonothaveaverydiverse
portfoliowhencomestointernalandexternal
educationissues.ThismeansthatyourVice
PresidentEducationcannotknowforsurewhat
issuesareofkeyconcerntoyou.
IfElectedIwill:
Createaworkinggroupofinterestedstudentsto
helpdrafteducationpolicyforthisUniontopresent
toStudentsParliament.ThismeansthattheUnion
canstarttocampaignontheissuethatyoucare
aboutandstarttomakerealchangestoyour
educationalexperiences.
Representation
AttheUnionAGMthisFebruaryIproposedthenew
Unionconstitution,whiledraftingthisdocument
theissueofrepresentationwasakeypoint
throughout.Withthisnewconstitutionwesee
studentsgenuinelyempowered,withnewpowers
forStudentsParliamentandaGeneralMeetingof
Students(themostpowerfuldecisionmakingbody
intheUnion).AsyourUnionChairmanIhave
deliveredrealchangeforrepresentationatSurrey.
WhiletheUnionmaybeonabetterfootingin
termsofdemocraticrepresentation,whenitcomes
totheacademicrepsystemweneedtoseesome
improvement.Thefirststepshavebeentakenin
termsofUniontrainingbutweneedtobemore
radicalinreformingthissystemforyou!
IfElectedIwill:
PushforacademicrepstobebroughtunderUnion
asopposetoUniversitycontrolsothatweknow
whoalltheacademicrepsareandcanyouknow.I
willcreateanewforumsimilartoSocietiesand
SportsStandinginwhichacademicrepcanvoice
theirconcernsandsteerthedirectionoftheir
representationatthehigherlevelsoftheuniversity.
ThismeansthatifyouelectmeasyourVice
PresidentEducation
NationalRepresentationandHigherEducation
FundingReform
Delivered
Iamthemostexperiencecandidateinthiselection
innationalrepresentation;Ihaveattended2NUS
ExtraordinaryConferences,NUSNational
Conference,NUSRegionalConferenceandNUS
ZoneConferenceonUnionDevelopment.Ihave
takenrecommendationsfromotherUniversities
andledtheimprovementwewillseethisyearin
ourvotingsystem,Ihavevotedtoreformyour
NationalUnionandIhavevotedforanalternative
fundingmodelforHigherEducation.
TheHigherEducationFundingReviewisdueto
publishitsrecommendationsthisyearand
Universitiesarealreadyseeingcutstotheir
budgets,weneedstrongnationalrepresentationto
ensurethatstudentsarenotaskedtobearthe
bruntoftherecession.
IfElectedIwill:
Fightforafairerfundingmodeltoreflecttheneeds
ofallstudents.IamafirmbelieverofHigher
Educationbeingfreeatthepointofdelivery,butI
alsobelievethatstudentsshouldcontribute
towardsthecostoftheireducationbasedonits
valuetothem.IfyouelectmeIwilllobbytoseethe
NUSBlueprintforhighereducationisconsideredas
aseriousoptionandfightforafairerfunding
systemforHigherEducation.
Foradedicated,experienced,andcredible
candidatevoteSamBull[1]foryourV.PEducation.
Adetailedmanifestoisavailableat
www.votesambull.co.uk

VP Education Candidate - Stef Jones What I will achieve:

Personal Statement: I will focus on the problem of unpaid placements. Any

student on placement should be eligible for government
I am Stef Jones and I am asking you to vote me as VP Education for funding and support as placement training can be essential
2010/2011. This role attracts me as I am passionate about working to gaining employment.
with students and committed to ensuring that each student has a
rich and enjoyable university experience. It is going to be a difficult year and I want students to be
aware of the financial situation this country is in,
I am an enthusiastic, active and dedicated final year Dance and highlighting government cuts and the rising tuition fees. If
Culture student with the wish to pursue an educational based fees are raised, it is important to ensure that all students
career within the dance industry. Last year I was a course mentor have sufficient financial assistance. Students should be
that successfully supported students in their first year. I am also able to access higher education on ability, not creating an
the Social Secretary of the Trampolining Squad. elitist group that that has the ability to pay.
Since November 2007 I have worked in both Rubix and Chancellors I will push the Student Academic Representation role to
which has allowed me to gain a significant insight into the running take a less passive and more active function between
of your Students Union. I have also witnessed the importance of groups of staff and students, increasing communications
the relationship between the Students Union and the individual by successfully training new mentors to ensure the
student. stronger relationships are maintained and the weaker
relationships form strong partnerships which allow every
Education is one of the most important factors within a degree and student to be heard.
I want ALL students - under-graduate, post-graduate, placement
students and students who are not always on campus to have the I want to publicise the idea of Flexible Learning. It will
best possible education at Surrey. ensure that all students feel wholly supported and
represented; parent students, international students,
I believe I am the best candidate for this job. mature students, post-graduates and students studying
away. Flexible learning would assist in meeting special
What will I do for you?
requirements for students to continue with their education
I will represent you as stress free as possible.

I will support you *Ensuring Timetables are released early enough so

students can make the necessary arrangements.
I will make you as an individual student my main focus as your VP
Education *Making sure students can continue their hobbies and
sports along with their studies

*For distant learners to have the opportunity to easily find

out what is going on in their union

VP Societies
Vote ARIS KAZAK [1]
VP Societies and I.D.
PARTICIPATION | CREATIVITY | MANAGEMENT
Why am I running?
The numbers show that societies and clubs dynamics decrease every year, proving that
now more than ever before there is a need for change. Through my three year
involvement in societies I have experienced first hand, most of the difficulties and barriers
societies and the student community have to overcome on a daily basis. I am passionate
and a thinker, constantly searching to develop new innovative opportunities to enhance
each society’s status in the University. Cyclone:Rebirth’s advancement is clear proof of my
ability to draw and implement a long term plan with more than a successful outcome.
Furthermore, the democratic, team-building approach I followed as president allowed the
members to take freely initiatives that enhanced their personal development and the
society experience as a whole. Finally, as an elected representative of the student
community I will always defend and promote the student rights.
What will i do?
A. Participation
I perceive societies and clubs as a “system” with four main relationships. I intend to
improve the status of all the societies in the University by achieving a stronger
participation of:
• Students in the Societies: Number of students joining a society is decreasing every
year. Encourage and promote students to join or create societies.
• Societies in Student Life: Increase the extent of the involvement of the societies in
student’s everyday life. Societies should shape students’ lives in a more vibrant way.
• Student’s Union in the Societies: Establish a solid and lively relationship between the
VP and the Student’s Union with the societies through frequent feedback and
consultancy sessions. Planning of more collaborative projects like iFestival.
• Societies in the Student’s Union: Utilize students as a resource leading to the:
•Improvement of the Student’s Union operations
•Development of the societies
28
B. Society and Clubs Management
•Structure of Societies: Bearing in mind the diverse nature of societies in our university,
changes could be made accordingly on the structure of a societies board in an attempt by
each society to meet its full potential. In this way a society will be operating in a model
that could help reach its goals efficiently.
•Fundraising: Entrepreneurial suggestions to raise funds and expand operations.
C. Individual Development
The current economic climate stresses the importance for students to obtain additional
employability skills. The direction the Student’s Union has taken, must be enhanced by the
participation of all the faculties in a bigger collaborative project.
Moreover an extra incentive must be given to students who play an important role in the
progression of the societies in which they belong. By introducing a society merit system,
students contribution to the exemplary running of a society could be officially recognised
by the Student’s Union.
Who am I?
I am a final year Business Management student, currently president of Cyclone:Rebirth
(The Dance Music Society) and an active member of the GU2 Radio Station. These three
years in Surrey haven’t been my sole academic experience as I have also studied
“Production Engineering and Management” at the Technical University of Crete. During
my time there, I had the chance to lead the board of the local student radio station for two
years(2005-2006), as well as set up big scale events , like “Entasi Dance Festival 2005” and
promote local and national charity events. Apart from my academic career I have worked
in WS Atkins for two consecutive summers as an intern and deputy project financial
controller. Last but not least I am an artist. The same element that characterises my DJ and
producer career; CREATIVITY, will be the main driver to achieve my goals as
YOUR VP Societies and Individual Development.

Election Period 15th – 26th March

Visit *vote.ussu.co.uk*

VOTE KIKO FOR VP SOCIETIES & I.D.!!

I’m Kiko, a second year Business Management student. I have started Portuguese Society in
year 2009 which was successfully awarded to be the Best Newcomer society of the year. This
year the society has continued to host successful events. I am founding member of “Surrey
Mail" socials which allowed many small societies to come together and hold events at a scale
they could not do alone. I have been catalyst for cultural integration allowing home students to
take maximum benefit of the cultural wealth that travels with international students to this
university. With the support of friends I worked to create “East Meets West” which has brought
Greeks, Iranians, Arabs, Indians, Cypriots, Portuguese and other cultural societies together.

Why I would like your Vote:

My Pledges
9 To improve the financial
security of the Societies.
9 To develop better commercial
partnerships to gain
sponsorships for societies.
9 To improve AGMs by
introducing electronic voting
systems for societies.
9 To introduce an electronic and
robust signup system for
societies.
9 To promote meetings between
societies committees with
similar interests.
9 To continue my work, along
with the other union officers,
to celebrate the diversity
within surrey students.
¾ As President and starting a new successful society, I’ve worked with other diverse
societies, and elected as Officer for International Societies, I believe I am in the best
position to offer advice from the experience and work towards new initiatives.
¾ I have shown with my level of involvement to help and raise various issues and
participating in the democracy process by being involved with Student Parliament, that I
am a caring, approachable and confident person.
¾ I have built strong relationships with societies whilst developing and supporting their
work, and will continue to do so. Having been part of societies, as well as executive in
“Society Standing", I am aware of the problems and conflicts that can arise within a
committee and feel that I have the knowledge to resolve any issues based on relevant and
unbiased opinions.
¾ I am passionate about “International Festival", celebrating different festivals, which I will
make better and bigger during my time at the university and the union.
To demonstrate that, later on this semester, I will be the main promoter of a “Brazilian
Night” where we will show the culture of Brazil to the students of our University
My view on Individual Development:
¾ I feel that when you graduate, in order to be more employable, you have to have that extra
edge, which you can get in university, by pushing yourself to enter the several
programmes we have in Surrey. Student Union Training and Give It a Go, are great
opportunities for you to improve your skills.
¾ I pledge that, if I do get elected, I will improve the publicising and marketing of such
programmes, as I feel that a large number of students still isn’t aware of them. I will try to
create a good buzz about these programmes, to increase participation and individual
development, as we want YOU, the students of Surrey, to be as employable as possible!
29
About Me

My name is Osama I Salih, I am a civil

Osama I Salih Green
Engineer. I am in my final year at Help the university and societies
surrey. I am responsible dedicated and
become greener and try to
Manifesto
accepts responsibility. I try to put 120%
effort in the work i do, i guess that is reduce our carbon emissions
why i personally nominated myself.
Thank you for putting your trust in me,
i hope i don’t fail you guys.

Support From Student Union (USSU)

Get Support from USSU regarding all

societies, small or big i think that we should
Why Me!!
all get the same support and also try to get
What makes me a good candidate, i have subsidising for gym memberships for all
previous experience with societies, have society members to encourage the use of
helped manage run and support societies our new facility
throughout my years at Surrey and
previously at Reading University.
President of Arabic society 2007-2008.
Currently Treasurer for Arabic Society

Willing to support students develop and Assist and Encourage

assist societies with management and
Freedom
I want to give societies the
freedom of coming up with
innovative ideas to help engage
students and assist them
throughout.
I would like to assist students and
encourage all societies to expand and
practise their cultures and ethics.
I have also had a lot of experience in my
placement year managing and assisting
projects

MY PLEDGES
Demanding a fair deal for Societies and Students
My policies are clear and simple. I am offering practical and useful solutions to
many of the problems societies face on a day-to-day business. As a former
Society President and a Treasurer I understand how frustrating getting some
minor things done can be. Here I set out what I would do if elected:
1. Create a new, easy-access fund for general society requests under £100;
open to scrutiny by societies standing.
2. Allow AGM’s to be held at anytime during the Academic Year, returning the
freedom of choice to Societies.
3. Increase the range and diversity of societies; helping strong societies to
expand, but protecting the independence of smaller and specialist ones.
4. Make Societies Standing more efficient and relevant; return its power. Stop
bringing trivial matters like name changes forward and allow it to set
policy.
Please visit my Facebook page for more details and further policies.
a little about me...
I am a 2nd Year Politics Student and I am
originally from Surrey. I took a couple of years out
before I came to University and have enjoyed my time
at Surrey ever since. I love the course I do and have
made some great friends who have encouraged me
to run for this position.
Like everyone I also have interests outside the
University. I was elected as a Borough Councillor and
this role has taught me invaluable leadership and
budget skills I could apply to the role for which I ask
you support. I hope that you will support me and if

Find out more: you have any questions, please just ask.

Facebook: Rowan Cole I look forward to meeting you soon.

FB Campaign: Rowan Cole for VP

Societies & ID
Email: rc00056@surrey.ac.uk
 30
VP Sports

Gurkamaldeep Parmar

IWillIncreaseFundingReceived,ByLeveragingMyContactsInSeveralMajorCorporationsSponsorshipDepartments.

IWillEnsureStudentsTryingOutForUniversitySportsTeamsDoNotHaveToPayForTrials.

IWillAimToIncreaseRecreationalSportParticipation.

IWillReviewTheESP(EliteSportsProgramme)AndBringItMoreIntoLineWithLeadingSportsUniversities.

IWillLookToWorkWithTheVPofEducationAndTryToHelpAthletesWhoAreCompetingForOurUniversityEspeciallyThoseWhoCompeteInternationallyToHave
FairerDeadlinesAndMoreAcademicSupport.

IWillReviewTheProcedureOfBookingFacilities.

IWillWorkWithLOCOGAndMakeSureTheyHaveAnOnCampusPresenceToBenefitOurStudents.

IWillOrganiseAnAlumniLeagueToIncreaseTiesWithCurrentStudentsAndOurDynamicAlumniNetwork.

IWillAimToMakeSureLessGamesAreCancelledThisYear.

IWillLookToSupportTheOutreachProgrammeThatGuildfordHeatAreInvolvedIn.

IWillIncreaseMediaCoverageOfSportingAchievements.

IWillIncreaseSupporterNumbersAcrossAtleastOurBestPerformingSportsWithInnovativeIncentives,ToIncreaseSportingPrideAtOurUniversity,ThatIsDisplayedAt
RivalInstitutions.

IWillTapIntoMyPersonalNetworkToProvideOneOffSpecialCoachingForSportsTeamsAndToHelpBoostNutritional,TrainingAndTimeManagementAdviceForAͲ
TeamsAndESP.
31

You may know that I have been heavily involved at our Students' Union already and take part in various Sports Clubs and Societies.

Mid-last year I founded the Cycling Club and have been its President since. Later my commitment to sport led me to become elected Running Club Captain.
This year I was elected Chairperson of our Union Sports Executive & Sports Standings as well as a part-time Students' Union Executive.

I have used my aforementioned experience to initiate the creation of the new, popular Volleyball Club. I have also spearheaded an alliance between our
three Triathlon Sports Clubs (Swimming, Cycling and Running) whereby we can cross-train and attend each others training sessions free of charge.

A little about me
Hi I'm Trung, a Civil
Engineering student at
Surrey. I take an interest in
many sports particularly
Cycling, Running and
Swimming and play the
saxophone (Grade 8), piano
and guitar.
Proudest moments
of my life?
Being part of the ‘Make
Poverty History’ campaign,
protesting at the G8 summit
in Scotland 2005 and cycling
from Edinburgh to my
hometown, London, in 2009
having raised £1000 for the
charity ‘Right to Play’.
- Priority to Students at the Surrey Sports Park: Let’s not make Surrey Sports Park forget that their logo has the
‘University of Surrey’ integrated into it. I stand to ensure that the SSP keep their promise that we are their first priority; to make
sure that we are not overrun by the commercial aspects as well as the 5 pro-sports teams who share our Sports Park. I will also
campaign for membership to be at a reasonable price and ensure that it is kept at an acceptable level.
- Reduced Swimming rates for Students at the Surrey Sports Park: I will campaign for students to be able to swim
at a reduced rate at certain times of the week. Swimming is fun, a great full-body workout and easy on the joints. This would
greatly advance the recreation aspect of our Students’ Union. Consequently providing benefits not only to our Clubs but also to
non-Club and non-Surrey Sports Park members.
- More funds for Sports: The University has targets to become the top 10 UK and 100 world ranking university within the
next 10 years. Sporting achievement and student experience are crucial factors in achieving this. I plan to drive
the university to invest more into sports and support our teams in competitions. Increased participation in sports will also lead
to more funding and this is why it is crucial to capitalise my next point.
- Wider student participation and development: I have seen the benefits that sport can offer to individual
development. There are around 15,000 students at Surrey and I aspire to engage as many of us into sports and recreation. With
my experience I can give advice and assist on improving, maintaining and starting clubs. Students’ have the right to know what
sports and recreation are available to them and how they can influence change. I wish to utilise our own student led media as
well as the new website for enhanced communication.

- Club Kit and Kit Colours: This year we had problems with kit. Some arrived late and Surrey Sports Park changed the
colour scheme to white & black. This was unsuitable for many clubs and unlike our traditional colours. I will pursue for our own
colour scheme and ensure kit is delivered on time. Find me at www.Vote-Trung.weebly.com

VP Welfare
About Diana
Diana is currently a final year Biomedical Science student who has always had an interest in the
VOTE
welfare of other people, and shown this by the amount of voluntary work that she has undertaken
outside of her academic life. This includes working with St John Ambulance, and 'Interact', which
is a scheme working with disabled teenagers in the community. Within the St John Ambulance on
Diana Fisher [1]
for VP Welfare
campus she was elected Duties Officer and this year as Chair, organising training and making
sure enough trained first aiders are around to help when needed.

What I will do caring and trustworthy

working with you in mind
As I have enjoyed my time at University so much, my main aim as VP Welfare will be to assure that
everyone has the same opportunities and enjoyment as I have. My work with St John Ambulance
on campus has given me a broad knowledge of how the University is structured and who to
contact for various issues.My extensive knowledge of health and safety will enable me to identify
areas on campus that will need to be improved, to improve the quality of the community we all live
and work in.

Many students have been concerned recently with security within campus accommodation, and
who actually has access to their living space. I will endeavour to communicate with the various
residences and services to make sure that you feel safe and secure in your own room.

I will work with the Accommodation Office to try and make the process of finding off-campus
accommodation as easy as possible and so you have all the help and guidance you need. Also, a
lot of student have found the Arriva bus service around Guildford unreliable and inconvenient, so
I will negotiating with Arriva and the University to try and improve this service.

I will make sure the University considers those students with mobility issues, and make sure that
everyone is aware of the needs of these students by working with the Disability Advisory Forum.

I will also strive to improve the student experience by promoting healthy living on campus. Healthy
eating and knowing how to cook balanced meals is important for a healthy lifestyle, so I will ensure
that dietary advice is available, with the opportunities for learning how to cook.

Diana Fisher
at the heart
of your welfare

Vote online at vote.ussu.co.uk between Monday
March 15th 10am and Voting Closes Friday 26th 7pm
Georgina Emily Hancock
I am a final year law student and chose to run
for VP Welfare this year as I feel that I can now
offer support to all students from start to
beginning of their time at university.
In my time at University I have been active in the Student's Union for
example in my first year I refounded and was President of the RAG
society raising just under a £1000 for Marie Curie cancer care trust in its
first RAG week without funding from the Union.
In my second year I was elected to be the first Community Officer on the
Union Executive committee. In this role, I worked with the Guildford
Borough Council to implement a Student Housing accreditation scheme
to better student housing in Guildford, I attended residents groups to
help change the negative light in which students in the community are
often seen in and I attended several NUS Conferences and networked
with other university sabbatical teams to bring back fresh new ideas to
Surrey.
In my final year I was elected VP of the Law Society and I am currently a
co - project manager for the Sainsbury’s Sport Relief Mile Guildford,
2010.
I feel that I have the ability, if elected, to support students with any
concerns, be it the fears of coming to Surrey as a fresher up to the worry
and nerves of final year exams and dissertations. If elected I would be
100% dedicated to this role, available 24/7 if needed, doing everything I
can to make the student experience a positive one for all!
Vote GEORGINA EMILY HANCOCK [1] as your
VP WELFARE
32
My Aims…
Health Centre: It is my belief that there is a lot of dissatisfaction with the centre from
making appointments to availability of staff. I would look to set up a focus group or
survey to understand what it is the students really wanted looking at a range of topics
from the opening hours to the standard of care.
Manor Park: I would endeavour to make sure that students living at Manor Park are
not getting the short straw on health care. When you are ill you do not want to have
to trek to campus for help, I would look at the viability of there being a mobile service
where a doctor or nurse could spend a few hours treating students saving them the
hassle of getting to the main campus.
Building works/housing: I will make sure that the access around campus does not
become difficult such as longer walks or uneven surfaces such as those around the
library currently. I would start by making sure that students in university
accommodation are not disturbed too much and warned in advance and also making
sure that students get the right information to help them to move into private rented
accommodation, looking at a range of issues such as security, deposits and quality of
the house.
Volunteering: I believe that Volunteering is positive on every level, to those
volunteering and to those being helped. 73% of employers would employ a candidate
with volunteering experience over one without (Timebank) and I would like to
promote volunteering more to students as well as look into more nationally
recognized awards to offer students to take part in.
Student Finance: I will do my best to make sure that if there is a crisis in 2010/2011
year that students are aware of the support they can receive such as the hardship
fund as well as making sure current students re-apply early.
Integration: I will do my best to making sure that all students whether you are a GSA,
International Mature or a Disabled student receive the same opportunities and
choices as well as being represented at all levels of the Union.
Continuing… Promoting Welfare issues in The Stag and GU2 in order to promote
information and give students the chance to give me feedback about issues that are
important to them by being visible on campus and approachable.

Vote Noemi [1]

VP Welfare
About Me:
Before I tell you about why I want to be VP Welfare,
let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm currently
in my second year of studying Politics. I'm a Mother,
a wife, an international and mature student who has
a passion for representing and helping those who are
in need. I feel that my passion will be best served by
being YOUR VP Welfare.
Helping Prevent Issues Before They Arise
I want to increase the level of active campaigning on
campus. We need to raise the profile of campaigns
on campus because it is important for students to
get their voices heard. The Union should be prioritis-
ing important issues such as sexual health all year
around, not just for a week. I don't just care about
your health for one week of the year I care about your
health all year around. With that in mind I want:
- A proactive relationship with the Student
Wellbeing and Health Centre.
- To prioritise taboo subjects such as bullying
and mental health. It is the responsibility of the VP
Welfare to promote awareness of important issues,
regardless of how fashionable they are and offer
sound advice and support to students who are in
need.
- Create a resource centre within the students
union, with information on subjects that affect stu-
dents. This would be easily available and accessible
to all students on Campus.
On Accommodation:
Accommodation on campus is an issue that is close
to all students hearts. Students want affordable,
well maintained accommodation on campus as well
as excellent and accessible facilities for all to use.
With that in mind I will:
- Lobby for more affordable campus accom-
modation
- Work with local authorities to secure im-
proved standards of accommodation off campus
- Launch a campaign for an improved bus
service.
- Fight for a 24 hour laundry service on cam-
pus.
Your Concerns, Our Priorities.
All sabbatical officers exist to work for students.
That is exactly what I would do as your VP Welfare,
work and fight for your interests. I will:
- Regularly consult with students about the is-
sues that concern you. I will hold a regular surgery
EVERY WEEK. The days and times will be widely pub-
licised
- Provide a strong and passionate student
voice at Executive meetings, putting students wel-
fare at the top of the agenda
- Reach out to groups that are currently under-
represented, such as international students, student
parents, mature students and disabled students.
- Maintain a good working relationship with
Societies and Welfare amenities. They form the
backbone of our Union. Strong societies and ameni-
ties result in more opportunities for students
Working for you.
I believe that the VP welfare should continually
strive, with passion and commitment to make a sig-
nificant difference to the lives of all students on and
off campus. If you elect me to serve you, I will never
stop working on your behalf, I will never stop reach-
ing out to the underrepresented and I will never stop
speaking up on the issues that you care about.

Vote Noemi [1] the Well-fairy

33
25
OTE
ROWAN VP WELFARE
V LING MANIFESTO
more rewards for students
1 if you give to the union - expect the union to
give more back to you.

2 better communication
brand new, modern and ‘easy to use’ website to
unite the union and its members, and also to
keep a beady eye on your sabbs work.

3 pure action
no fuss, drama or politics; just pure action.
expect students’ good fortune,
health, happiness and prosperity
to be top prioirty.

VP WELFARE. REDEFINED.
Tamsin For VP Welfare
My name is Tamsin MacLellan and I am a second year International Politics student.

If elected:

x I will aim to improve the poor lighting on and around campus.

x I will campaign and fundraise for more water
fountains/dispensers to be installed on campus.
x I will also campaign and fundraise for improved disabled
access on campus; although access is not as limited as some think, there is still a lot that
needs to be improved.

Whether it’s baking for charity cake sales or watching movies with Onslow Village Brownies I try and help out with as much as
possible, both on and off campus. Creative with ideas, positive and outspoken; I always stand my ground. If elected I will represent
all Surrey students’ needs and be there to offer whatever help and advice is needed; ranging from something as small as where
Amigo’s is, to how to deal with an uncooperative landlord. I’m motivated and enthusiastic about everything I do and this will be no
exception.

“Tamsin is approachable and understanding and someone who you can definitely count on for good advice”
Frances Boswell, Maths UG
 34

Zoe Papadopoulos
VICE PRESIDENT WELFARE 2010/2011

Kate Barker (Proposer) “She’s helped me through my time at University; let her help you through yours.”
For the past four years Surrey University has been my home, but as I am now coming to the end of my degree on the Law course, I
would really like the opportunity to give something back, something that would ensure the experience was as enjoyable for other
students as it was for me.
Having been personally involved and dedicated in maintaining and developing a sports team, namely the rugby club, I understand
the importance of working together, friendship and community within the student lifestyle and this understanding has given me the
passion and drive to run for this position.
I believe as a Welfare Officer I would have an open mind and my main aim would be to connect with students from all backgrounds
and make sure that every students’ welfare is guaranteed. I have the motivation and drive to ensure that every student releases
their full potential while being at Surrey University and I will do everything in my power to represent your interests and achieve our
common goals and ideals. There are several ways I would go about this, and they are outlined in my pledges below.

My pledges:
x To provide a Welfare Pack that will be handed out during Freshers’ Week to help new students settle into University life with all
the relevant information about preserving their welfare. It will include information on general welfare, sexual health advice, drug /
alcohol abuse, eating disorders, housing / money problems, environmental issues and tips and advice from current students /
past students, for example, what facilities they made the most of that helped release their full potential at the university.
x To promote the significance and importance of sexual health awareness, providing free condoms and information and advice
about where you can go to get checked. This is also advantageous to the promotion of good mental and physical health of the
student; this will include improving the resources available within the Students’ Union.
x To work closely with Student Support, Advice and Services to ensure all students settle into University life and feel comfortable
in their own surroundings, with the help of as many university services as possible to aid them in this. This is important as many
new students may need help and advice when dealing with the transgression from home life to University life but are afraid of
coming to the Union office with certain problems.
x To guarantee that the views and voices of the student body are fully heard in the Students Union and are dealt with in good
time, as soon as humanly possible. The one thing that students cannot afford when doing a degree is a delay or slow production
of services and resources.
See you after Easter!
 37
What The Buzz: • HTC to ‘fully defend’ itself against Apple patent suit

PlayStation Move? • Viacom, YouTube air dirty laundry in legal battle

Move Over, Wiimote • London hospital to treat Internet-addicted teens

With the Apple iPad and
the Nintendo Wii adopting
names that are the easy
targets of ridicule, the new
Technology Update
• Nintendo aims to get consoles in schools

• Virgin Media to demo 200Mb/s broadband tomorrow

PlayStation Move appears • Student loan system failure could happen again
to have chosen a simple, if • Newegg terminates supplier relationship over counterfeit Core i7 CPUs
somewhat boring, title. The
PS Move is, for all intents Visit thestagsurrey.co.uk for links to news articles giving full coverage on these news events
and purposes, Sony’s
answer to the Nintendo Wii; it is the latest, wireless,
motion sensor technology for gamers. The concept
is that the already-released PlayStation Eye camera
Talk to Strangers
senses the position of the controller along with motion by Ankur Banerjee
sensors on the controller to track motion.
WARNING: The contents of the websites discussed in this article are ‘user-generated’.
But, why would you buy it instead of the already well- Which, of course, is a polite way of saying “There shall be porn”. The author advises
established Wii? For one it is lighter than the Nintendo that these sites are not suitable for young users, and even others should proceed with
Wii and doesn’t give users ‘Wii-fatigue’ from swinging due caution.
their arms around wildly. The PS Move is comes with
17-year-old high school student Andrey Ternovskiy from Moscow, and 18-year-old Leif K-Brooks
rechargeable batteries; this makes the PS3 Move
of Vermont, USA might not be names you’ve heard of. Yet, these teenage wunderkinds have
a cheaper bet as there is no more forking out for AA started something of a phenomenon on the Internet with the websites they have launched –
batteries every few months. On the subject of price, Chatroulette and Omegle, respectively.
Sony announced that the controller, the Eye and a game
is looking to retail at around £50. However, this cost On one hand is the world that social networking sites promote – of ‘social everything’ where you
might be a conservative estimate, once you start adding share moments of your life with friends and family…and then there are sites such as Omegle
more controllers for a multiplayer gaming experience. and Chatroulette that pioneered the concept of ‘stranger chat’. It’s similar to the old-school
concept of chatrooms / IRC, with the exception that in this case you’ll be chatting one-to-one
The issue of cost is obviously going to be one that is of the with a stranger – no IM handles, no knowledge of who they are at all. You logon to the site, get
utmost importance to students but, when considering randomly paired up with someone – and start a chat. It’s up to either of you to disconnect and
other factors, is the PS Move really that much of a move on to someone else.
bargain? In a world that is arguably dominated by the
Omegle sounds well-moved away from reality. Can you really be that desperate, that instead
Nintendo Wii and the Xbox 360, how many people will
of talking to your friends you’ll want to talk to someone whom you don’t know, in some corner
actually already have the PS3 console? Additionally, for of the globe you don’t know? These sites’ popularity suggests ‘yes’. I think the draw of Omegle
those of us with Wiis already and, let’s face it, a lot of us comes from the fact that because it’s online, because it’s anonymous, because it’s a stranger
have them, sharing games, controllers and nunchucks you can have discussions ranging from philosophy to the best strategies to survive a zombie
with friends who also have the Wii is easy and makes apocalypse – and they can be quite engaging too! More often than not though, you might find
for cheap gaming experiences but, will this be possible retards who can’t spell properly.
with the PS Move?
Chatroulette, on the other hand, pairs you up on a video chat with a random stranger on the site.
Another turn off for consumers may be just the general Don’t like someone you see? Just hit ‘next’ to move on to a different person. Most interactions
appearance of the controller. With a similar build to the on Chatroulette are a few seconds long, and with no spoken or written conversation. Some
Wii remote, the sleek, black PS3 Move controller looks strangers might try to shock you by trying to seemingly do something horrific on screen, or some
strangely alien with a coloured sphere sitting prominently might be playing drinking games – more often than not, it’s someone staring into a webcam with
a bored expression before one of you hits ‘next’.
at the front. One online reviewer has already compared
it to looking like a vibrator (in fact, it does indeed have The primary difference between Omegle and Chatroulette though is the while on Omegle you
vibrating feedback) and, whilst wondering what kind of might actually have interesting, 30-minute conversations, with Chatroulette it’s usually 3
Ann Summer stores he has been frequenting, I got the seconds of some guy masturbating (or as soon as you can hit ‘next’). Needless to say, I prefer
sense that the PlayStation Move just won’t be taken Omegle between the two.
seriously.
‘Stranger chat’ is probably yet another Internet fad, but it’s interesting to observe how a new
With ‘Project Natal’ looming around the corner from medium can open up people to have completely random conversations with random strangers.
Microsoft, will Sony find itself, once again, stuck in the
middle of two gaming giants? Only time will tell.

by Amy Johnson

If you would like to contribute to our new Technology section

please submit your articles online at thestagsurrey.co.uk
 38
Pac-Man’s Wedding Corner - The Return
by Andy Vale • Get Peter Andre to enter a local
talent contest, against your
Ben has been teaching hot girls to ski for the last 3 months, so Pac-Man’s Wedding neighbour’s kids.
took a little break. Now he has returned, looking more tanned and toned than before.
Andy went nowhere and looks pastier and chubbier than before. But we return both on • Get Peter Andre to take his
air and in The Stag. Come gatecrash Pac-Man’s Wedding with us every Tuesday from clothes off and eat KFC in your
11pm-2am on www.gu2.co.uk neighbour’s bed, signing his
hits.
This Week’s Tip – How To Avoid Dying
• Kill Peter Andre. Then bury
Firstly, I eat 6 fruit/veg every morning. It gets it out the way. If you forget to eat them, Peter Andre in your neighbour’s
then a packet of Starburst will bring you up to speed. I only ever start fights with garden, so that they get
people younger, smaller and less positively gendered than me. When I find myself in blamed.
a fight with wolves I often kick the biggest one first, this shows your dominance. Get
checked up. Drink milk and get strong bones. Smoking looks cool and tough, chicks • Play Pokémon. Catch ‘em all.
dig it. Do it while wearing sunglasses and gangs will protect you. Always go for a rap
battle over a real fight. If you can’t rap then go for a dance-off. If you can’t dance • Get Peter Andre to sign
either then arm yourself.  To prevent myself from danger I got a cyborg arm, it has a everything in your neighbour’s
hookshot and a gun on it. HEV suit. Check your specs first. Be a bad-ass G and get house. Put it all on eBay.
a leather jacket. Avoid natural causes. Never eat fish, you get mercury poisoning.
Always look left and right before crossing the road. • Get Peter Andre really drunk and
then get Peter Andre to drive
This Week’s Fact – Surrey Sex Tape Institute around in your neighbour’s car.

Surrey University students have a proud history of trading home-made intimate • Knock on your neighbour’s
material. The Surrey Sex Tape Institute was set up in 1974, well before home-taping door. Run away while
was widely available Surrey was leading the way in this fledgling industry.  Since then it Peter Andre stands there.
has been one of the cornerstones of campus life, it has evolved with the ages and was AWKWARDLOLOL!!1!!
one of the first societies at the university to take its business online. Students joining
the Surrey STI can view home-made sexual material featuring many of their favourite • Make Peter Andre give out his
other Surrey students, providing they donate some of their own. It’s that simple. number. It’s actually your neighbour’s.
Membership is free for hot women and some couples, £20 for most men and some
• Make Peter Andre write a pros and cons list about your neighbour.
couples. If you are interested then send a reasonably clothed shot of you, your partner
or your ex to SurreySTI@gmail.com and they’ll decide if they want to see more. • Get Peter Andre to tell your neighbour to stop following their dream and be
realistic
This Week’s List – Fun Things To Do With Peter Andre
• Get Peter Andre to gamble your neighbour’s savings, on what his dinner will be.
• Get Peter Andre to kick down your neighbours fence
Order a pizza.
• Put Peter Andre through your neighbour’s letterbox, on fire
• Host a TV cookery show in your neighbour’s kitchen, featuring Peter Andre.
• Get Peter Andre to order loads of pizza for your neighbours and make them pay
• Dress Peter Andre up as Santa and tell your neighbour’s kids that Santa is dead.
for it.

• Swimming.
• Chatroulette
• Get Peter Andre to go round your neighbours and ask them to pull his finger.
For more jokes, artwork and mail-order brides become a fan of Pac-Man’s
• Get Peter Andre to throw lightbulbs at your neighbours. Wedding on Facebook.

Interview with the Union’s Event Manager

In the two years I’ve been at Surrey I have lost count
of the number of times that I have been drawn into
a debate on the aforementioned topic. Most of the
time the same few issues will come up, a Facebook
group will arise and the same answers are given.
So instead of tussling it out on the keyboard further,
I decided to go speak to events manager Jade
Johnson and get her to answer some frequently
asked questions from Surrey Students.
How do the acts get picked for Flirt & Citrus?
Students suggest things, agents have acts doing
the rounds at different times, other universities /
ents managers recommend acts, I choose things I
think students would like etc.
How come there is so much focus on old school
pop acts such as Venga Boys and S Club 7 (well,
3)?
Because they sell out!
Why is there not more varied music at flirt - i.e.
house, electro, dnb?
Flirt caters for the majority of students (as does
Citrus). Pretty much all of the night’s music is
based around requests. As far as I am concerned,
the DJ’s job is to keep the dance floor jam-packed.
If he is successful in doing that, he is doing a good
job. Karl Watson a regular flirt DJ explains...
 
“I try to cover as many genres of music as possible
to give something that will appeal to as many people
as possible. Some complain is that the DJ’s at the
union play the same songs week in week out and
that we may just put on a CD rather than have a DJ.
But the same stuff gets requested week in week
out and when you still get 8 or 9 requests for things
like Kings of Leon and Mr. Brightside, you have to
assume that is what a lot the crowd want. They still
get a great response and most people sing along. 
Basically it’s a huge venue which is still packed at
5 to 3 in the morning every week, you can’t please
everyone but owing to the numbers that support
the night and stay all night myself and the other
DJs can’t be going far wrong.”
Continued....
 39
Continued...
In the last few years, we have tried to run nights
for other music styles e.g. uDisco, which was an
alternative / Indie night, and Bling, which was
an Urban Night etc. They all stopped due to low
attendance. The music societies currently do an
excellent job of providing for other genres of music,
for example last week the Dance Music Society
packed out the Living Room with Fabric Resident
Terry Francis.
Why aren’t there more live music nights?
Recently we have had Kid British, Reverend and
The Makers, Say Something Live Music Night...
how many people came? About 100. In May we
have Example – so far we have sold 70 tickets.
*She’s right. We actually have quite a few, if you
want them then maybe you should turn up?*
Why are there so many costume parties and theme
nights?
Again, because they are our busiest nights.
Attendance on theme nights is way more than
normal nights.This tells us students like dressing up!
Why don’t we get better acts in more often?
Every Friday / Wednesday, we cannot have a top-
notch act / band / DJ because we cannot afford
one. I have a budget that is spread out over the
whole year. I could book Dizzee Rascal in Freshers’
Week if you like, but that is my annual budget
gone. So my point is we can’t afford something
every week, so some weeks it is going to be just a
fancy dress night.
A lot of people complain that the Union uses the same
4-5 DJ’s. Why is there not a bigger pool to select from?
If I had lots more DJ’s none of them would have
regular work, they would have one gig in a semester
and they would all go and get regular DJ work
elsewhere. The DJ’s we have are committed and
reliable.   these points. It’s a complex job with so many issues
How exactly do you go about becoming a DJ at
Rubix?
There is no proper answer to this question. Leroy
has been a resident here since before I was born (it
seems) and the others are students or ex-students
that have come up the ranks. Started by warming
up for old residents and moved up the ladder. Or
they have made themselves known to me by DJ-ing
well at other events and getting good feedback.
Why are individual students not allowed to put on
their own live PA events at Rubix?
The Students Union is a not for profit organisation.
You are not allowed to make cash for your own
pockets from fellow students. However, clubs and
societies are allowed put on events to fundraise for
their club / society, if they’re interested then come
talk to me about it.
Why are there only big nights on Wednesday and
Friday?
When do you want big nights? I don’t think people
can afford to go out more than twice a week and
I don’t think I would want to come to the Union
more than twice a week. In the past, we tried to
run regular club nights on Mondays and Saturdays
– no one came.   We also need to allow societies to
run nights. If we used all the ‘good’ nights, where
would they go?
Why not let Cyclone/Presha/No Wave/GU2 play
upstairs on a Friday and have the usual cheese
downstairs for once?
Until I see the Living Room packed out regularly
on a Friday night, there is no need to change. We
need to maintain the income from Flirt to fund
all the other nights and reinvest in the building,
our facilities and our core activities of education,
welfare, clubs and societies. Therefore, we can’t go
taking risks, just for the sake of it.  on is easy but you need to put the promotional work
But surely a lot of people will just go because it’s a
Friday night?
They could go out anywhere! When I started,
Wednesday night was the more popular night. Also,
when we changed Citrus to Score the numbers
dropped off dramatically so I changed it. If enough
people don’t like an event, I will know about it!
Why is it important to go to the Events
Committee?
To voice your opinions (good or bad) directly to
your events executive officer and me. You have the
power to influence exactly what acts get booked,
what DJ’s play etc etc.  what would your ideal Rubix event be?
*You can also get answers on why certain acts
are/aren’t booked*
What’s the best way to get an artist I like to play
the Union?
Tell me! I will tell you if it’s feasible and affordable.
If I think it’s a good idea, if you bring it to Ents
Committee and they think it’s a good idea – I will
probably book them!   Jade could’ve written a dissertation on any one of
What is the maximum you would consider spending
on an act?
The maximum I have ever spent is 18k for The
Wombats for Grad Ball. It depends what the event
is and how much people are willing to pay to see
a specific act.
Can you give any examples of how much artists
have costed?
Radio 1 DJ’s can cost between £2000-£7000.
Bands between £1000-£15000 dependent on
status and popularity.
What are some examples of successful nights run
by students and would/did you consider putting
them on a Friday/Wednesday night?
Cyclone with Terry Francis. Greek Nights in general.
ACS Urban Night. HE2 Dancers Shake It Up. Oxjam.
No. These are all successful events on their own.
They do not need to piggy back on Citrus or Flirt.
If an act is booed off stage at the Union, do you
take that as anything personal towards you as you
booked them?
No. I take nothing personally. It is a very hard
job to please everyone and sometimes things
don’t go to plan. The tribute acts on  Rockstars
and Popstars night were booked to spice up an
ordinary theme night. As it turned out the Britney
Spears tribute was dreadful and the plan didn’t
work. We have obviously made a complaint; I’m
sure some people had a good laugh though!
What are the three most important things about
putting on an event?
For us booking the best entertainment
possible, that the most students want,
for the money we have available. 
For students putting on events it is all about
promotion. Many people think putting a club night
in, just being on the planner isn’t enough. Know
your audience. Do something different to Citrus and
flirt! Many people try and put on a cheese night,
the ones that work are those that are different.
What was your favourite event
that you’ve run here, and why?
There are so many! Freshers’ Week, End of Year
Shows and Balls are my highlights. Most recently,
I enjoyed Calvin Harris because it looked amazing,
the atmosphere was awesome and it was packed
out!
If money/space/time were taken out of the equation,
It would obviously be someone MASSIVE
like Beyonce or Lady Gaga or Kings of Leon!
If someone has any feedback, questions or
suggests about events how can they get in contact
with you?
Jade.johnson@surrey.ac.uk  
and she will be the first to admit that some nights
don’t work out as well as she’d like. I’d also like
to suggest that if you don’t like what’s on upstairs
in Rubix then go downstairs. In fact why not go
somewhere else altogether? You’re only here a
short time, so why waste it going to events you
don’t like.
Nothing will change because of a few people banging
on about stuff on Facebook. You have to be a little
more pro-active. Go to events that interest you,
not just wherever your mates are going. Go speak
to Jade personally if you like. She’s in the Union
office, her door is usually open, she’s very friendly
and is always willing to answer your questions.
by Andy Vale
 THE Careers Day
Tourism • Hospitality • Events
Wednesday 24 March 2010
1pm - 2pm, THE Careers Talks, Lecture Theatre Block
2pm - 4pm, THE Careers Fair, Lecture Theatre Block

For further information, please contact:

ussu.tourism@surrey.ac.uk

Jointly organised by:

The Tourism Society • Division of Hospitality and Tourism Management • Careers Service • Surrey Tourism and Events Society

7KH&DUHHUV'D\3RVWHULQGG 
 41
Annual Students Awards

We want the awards to go to the most deserving students, so

we’re looking for your nominations. Awards include ‘Society of
the Year’, ‘Best Society Committee Member’ and ‘Most Active
Society Member’ to a few. We need to know from you why
your chosen person/society should win the award. Try to tell us
as much as possible, as we’re looking for real examples and
details of the things they do which make a difference.
Proposed Nationalist Society GO to http://www.ussu.co.uk/awards/ to nominate.

Suffers Complaints Nominations close on March 26th.

A student responsible for sending an email seeking
interest for a new nationalist society, found himself at
the receiving end of abusive replies as students chose to
voice their opinions about the proposed society. Included
in the replies were accusations about the motives
behind such a proposal, which referenced political
parties accused as being far-right, despite receivers of
the email not being aware of the proposed society’s core
objectives.
The student responsible for proposing the society, who
according to the message was “in the early stages of
setting up a society for nationalists”, sent an email to
all students in the Faculty of Management and Law.
According to the email, the apparent motives of the
society, other than ‘a society for nationalists’, included
meeting new people and improving debating, networking,
and presentation skills.
Directly after this email was sent, some recipients chose
to ‘reply to all’ and highlighted their objections: allowing
all students on the FML address list to witness their
response. Responses to the email included a reference
to the English Defence League (EDL), shaved heads and
a white cape, while other students chose to object to
the accusations and defended the student’s freedom to
speak.
The term ‘nationalism’ refers to a desire for the
independence of a country and has been gradually
associated with established political movements,
including the British National Party (BNP), the United
Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), as well as
the Scottish National Party (SNP). However, careful
distinctions have been introduced for when the term
is used in a political context; distinguishing between
‘ethnic’ and ‘civic’ nationalism.
Ethnic nationalism, often associated with the BNP, refers
to a nation defined by ethnicity. Political parties that
adopt this form of nationalism have been criticised as
advocating an authoritarian approach to
governance, which fails to represent individual rights.
However, civic nationalism, an ideology adopted by the
SNP, refers to a form of nationalism in which national
identify and heritage is fundamental to a country.
Speaking to The Stag, the student responsible for
proposing the new society explained, “I wanted to join
a political/social debating or cultural society that had
similar views to myself or that I would fit in with. There
is not a single group on the huge list of societies that
represented nationalists or celebrated British culture, so
I took it upon myself to start a new society. A fully ratified
Nationalist society will ensure true implementation of
diversity and freedom of speech in our union.”
“I am aware that nationalists or patriots of British culture
are constantly being portrayed in a negative light by the
media, therefore I’m not expecting student reaction to
be all positive. For students that can see past this, I am
actually expecting them to welcome the arrival of this
group even if they don’t agree with our views.”
The University of Surrey Students’ Union has always
strived for a fair representation of all students at the
University. The advantages of a multicultural campus are
plain to see at events such as Freshers’ Fayre, where
a variety of stalls representing different international
societies welcome new students.
However, considering recent media interest and political
developments surrounding parties like the BNP, it seems
equally important to carefully distinguish the motives for
such a society. Many politically aware students argue
ethnicity should not be a factor, given Britain’s current
multicultural structure. “Promoting British heritage is a
fantastic idea. But this should have nothing to do with
the colour of someone’s skin. Also, what exactly do we
mean by British Heritage? I reckon the Union already
celebrates British culture with events such as ale
festivals,” said Eamonn Armstrong, a final year Business
Management student.
The student responsible for proposing the society
continued, “We will form a peaceful and proactive group.
We will have regular get-togethers in which they will be
based around discussing nationalism, supporting British
nationalism, celebrating British culture and ethnicity, our
heritage and achievements as a nation.”
The student also identified the need to bring back ‘family
shops’ that reflect the local identify of the surrounding
area; something, according to the student, ‘missing in
high streets’ across Britain. Apparently, this ‘indirectly
involves race’ and ethnic identity is an outcome of such
an ideology. But exactly what is ‘British culture and
ethnicity’?
It’s the responsibility of the society to determine the
answer to this question, while it is also the society’s
responsibility to maintain the Union’s ‘fairness for all’
approach to representing students. Ethnic representation
is a controversial and sensitive topic among students.
Eamonn Armstrong continued by arguing that “British
culture is precisely what we already see in the Students’
Union... it being a strong multicultural organisation
which is constantly changing and incorporating people
from different backgrounds.”
Although opinions about nationalism remain mixed, a
society, which raises awareness about the values and
heritage of this nation could further strengthen the core
values of our Students’ Union. However, it appears only
fair that what represents British culture is agreed by the
entire student community.
Those responsible for accusing this proposed society of
ethnic injustice should have considered the society’s
motives – good or bad – before coming to such an
immediate conclusion.
by Ben Pook

ChemSoc
We’ve got Chemistry!

This issue’s Society of the Fortnight is ChemSoc and here’s why, in the words of David Pugh (Sport and Social Secretary):

Society of the Fortnight

The University of Surrey Chemistry Society is one of the most active in country. Run by students for students we aim to organise events ranging from fun
socials to guest lectures. ChemSoc also provides a voice for all the students in the department of Chemistry.

We are linked with the Royal Society of Chemistry, the Society for Chemical Industry and the British Association. We run events on campus and further
afield for members as well as taking part in sporting events in the local area. We have also raised £700 for charity. We run a buddying system for
new students, for help with exams, lab reports and the like. We are very approachable and everyone is welcome on our socials (except physics)!
Find us at www.unis-chemsoc.co.uk

To suggest your Society of the Fortnight please send an email to societies@thestagsurrey.co.uk and explain your reason(s) for choosing them.

societies@thestagsurrey.co.uk
 43
Music
Architects @ HMV Forum - 12th March 10
Music News
by Mark Allen

I do love going to the occasional

metal show now and then. There • X Factor duo Jedward sign
is something to be said for the
crowds of teenagers smashing
with Universal, a day af-
into each other in the name of
music. Architects, hailing from
ter being dropped by Sony
Brighton, have been supporting
A Day To Remember throughout
their UK tour, to a number of sold • Tom Chaplin from pop-rock
out shows. The Forum was packed
out tonight, and Architects were going to make sure people had a act Keane speaks out about
good time.
how golf helped him over-
Overhearing some people, I got the feeling that a lot of people were
there for ADTR, but this didn’t put the guys off. Their style is slightly come his drug addiction
heavier, but they still were hear to pull things apart. Some fans felt
that the crowd wasn’t right for this style of music, as it didn’t allow
them to ‘dance’ properly in some cases. You might not call it dancing
yourself, but when there are tons of 14 year old girls with their dads,
• Glasto organiser Michael Eavis
you don’t want to be flinging your fists in their faces. wants Snoop Dogg for this year's
One thing I did notice was the amount of sub bass drops in their
set. Mainly just before a break down, a wave of bass swept over the
festival
audience, really giving it some welly. This is something lots of heavy
bands are doing now, maybe drawing some influence from dance and
dubstep.
Three Trapped Tigers - 11
The guys ended things with ‘Follow the Water’, which is a brutal attack
Noisy instrumental Electronica outfit TTT from
Track of the Week
on the ears, with 7th chords flying all over the place, resulting in one of
the biggest circle pits I’ve seen in years, particularly during the break London have made quite an impression on me
downs. with their third EP. Truly imaginative instrumen-
Tonight was a tight performance, with their sound being crisp and tal parts constantly taking you by surprise; I
powerful, something which lots of bands struggle to achieve. Crowd
surfers were abundant, and as they brushed past you in their sweaty
love the unpredictability of this track. Cross-
vests, you understand why so many kids are devoted to this stuff. rhythms and beautiful guitar parts are a firm
Jim Kroft – feature.
Between The Devil and
The Deep Blue Sea (2010) First single ‘One Sees living in a foreign land” there is little doubt that
the Sun’ is a catchy Kroft has chosen to lampoon his profession as
stomper that alludes to a musician, and whilst he makes no attempts to
by Tom Goulding
the young artist’s admiration for Dostoyevsky, who smash the stereotypes that currently bog down
Just when you thought there was no more room maintained his sanity during Siberian exile through indie-pop, he strives to disconnect himself from the
for young male singer/songwriters, lazing around remembrance of the quote “One can still see the mundane majority with an upbeat tempo.
in converted lofts writing gloomy, disaffected lyrics sun!”. This historical relevance ties in with the
Kroft’s universal theme of optimism, an intentional, Between The Devil & The Deep Blue Sea is a
about heartbreak on the back of fag packet, Berlin-
witty oxymoron when considering the struggle and postmodern sideswipe at the “romantic” checked-
based Jim Kroft has muzzled in on the scene and
hardship his album title implies. shirt counter culture, full of modest rhetoric while
confirmed that good music requires more than a
never failing to lose perspective. What stands out,
knocked-off acoustic guitar and a pocket full of
Kroft’s vocals echo David Bowie at the height of his and of course what matters, is an above average
dreams.
career, an irresistible pop-belter that becomes truly debut chock full of pop-punches. Kroft has found his
Kroft’s debut Between The Devil & The Deep apparent on ‘Ragdoll’, a song that could have been way out of the niche, and has come out fighting.
Blue Sea is a solid pop record packed with gut- easily influenced by anything off Ziggy Stardust.
wrenching choruses and intelligent conceptualism. With lyrics such as “I’m a strange bohemian man,

Peasant – Shady Retreat (2010)
by Tom Goulding
The latest bout of no-strings-attached folk by Pennsylvanian singer/
songwriter Damien DeRose is a somber affair. The follow-up to 2008
debut On the Ground, Shady Retreat is your formulaic US new-folk album
of the 21st Century. DeRose’s hushed, lullaby vocals waver softly through
Shady Retreat’s 28 minutes of strum-along monotony like so many
acoustic singers, any moments that might indicate exception from the
norm are hidden well.
44
Tall Ships - Self Titled EP (20101
by Mark Allen
Another addition to the ever growing Big Scary Monsters roster of indie talent, Tall
Ships from Falmouth have released a limited run screen printed debut EP that sold
out before they knew it on pre-orders alone. I’m usually a fan of the BSM catalogue,
so it’s always nice to hear something new.
‘Books’ opens up the album with a mix of big synth lines that anyone could sing
along to, to a softer verse, as Ric Phethean’s vocals wash over you, with some great
rhyming in there as well. ‘time is precious / time will forget us’.

Shady Retreat peaks four tracks in with single ‘The End’, a melancholy
stirrer that may prick the ears of lovelorn summer daydreamers. To some
extent, Peasant has found a niche market with these particular sunset
strollers in mind, however in the most part, Shady Retreat is a short,
gentle ride to nowhere: fit for middle class dinner parties and nostalgic
sauvignon drinkers staring blankly into space.
*****
‘Words Are Pegs Upon Which We Hang Ideas’ is a lot more within the realms of
afrobeat foals-esque indie, and has a great tempo and upbeat feel, and there is
even some old samples over the top. Really picking up towards the end, I think this
is one for the dance floor at times.
‘Beanieandodger’ is another number with real pace behind it, with the offbeat hi
hats driving things along nicely in the chorus, whilst the guitar bangs out consistently
nice and simple riffs.

The Album Argument ‘Vessels’ ends the EP, and is a track that really grows throughout. What sounds like
by Tom Goulding 3 part harmony sounds great against the almost hymn-like guitar and organ part.
Maybe this is modern church music, who knows? When the drums kick in though,
Let’s face it, there are some albums that should only ever be played as this is a truly epic number, and builds and builds, with some great bits in between.
a seamless piece of art. Massive Attack’s seminal Blue Lines, The Who’s Quite a unique little number.
Quadrophenia and Nine Inch Nail’s With Teeth are but three albums
plucked from a fathomless list for which this rule applies, yet digital This is a good debut EP by these guys, and it’s always good to have a bit of variety in
downloads have left such preferences obsolete. Why spend £7.99 on a first release, which this has. Having also just been on tour with Tubelord, I’m sure
Pulp’s 1995 classic Different Class when Common People can be yours they’re building up quite a number of fans by now.
for 79p? Of course anyone with a head built for sense wouldn’t waste
a penny on the record label conglomerates, but that’s an issue worth
The White Stripes -
discussing for a different day. Under Great White Northern Lights
by Andy Flowers
The ‘album argument’ between artists and their respective labels came
to the public’s attention with the release of Radiohead: The Best Of Those of you thinking “Oh! A new White Stripes album!” it’s not exactly new, it’s a
in 2008. Thom Yorke had stated in a previous interview that the band live CD/DVD collection of old material.
would never release a greatest hits compilation, yet with the revelation
that Radiohead had no intention to resign their contract with EMI, the I saw the White Stripes live back in 2005. This was with my ex-girlfriend…ultimately
label went ahead and did it anyway. The result was a mess: debut single meaning I now have some sort of suppressed hatred toward the White Stripes, but
Creep ran headlong into conceptual-masterpiece No Surprises, whilst the I promise I won’t let that get in the way…THIS ALBUM IS SH*T. I jest. But in all
bewildering Everything In Its Right Place ended the musical mutilation, seriousness, this album is kinda sh*t.
despite everyone with a pair of ears knowing that to extract songs from
Kid A at random is the equivalent of opening a book of Ezra Pound’s poetry The DVD is a documentary with live footage collected from the American duo’s
having vaguely enjoyed Wordsworth’s Daffodils. Radiohead regretted their 2007 Icky Thump tour across Canada. The CD album contains a selection of their
former label’s decision, yet understood there was nothing they could do. best songs from the tour. For just two people on a stage, they rock pretty damn
hard.
However in March this year, it was EMI’s turn to step down after a high
court battle with prog-rock veterans Pink Floyd. The label had ignored the So the documentary, directed by Emmett Malloy, premiered at the Toronto
band’s 1999 contract stating that the sale of individual songs from such International Film Festival last year. It has wide praise and you can see why. It
albums as Wish You Were Here and The Wall was prohibited, arguing that contains some of the White Stripes awesome live antics mixed with odd off-stage
this did not take digital downloads into account. The album argument footage. It’s the off-stage footage that I have a problem with.
waded into view once more: a flawless rock opera stretching over two
Anyone familiar with front man Jack White and drummer Meg White will know
discs or Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)? The judge ruled in favour of
the confusion surrounding their ex-husband and wife, possible brother and sister
the Floyd, stating the contract was valid in preserving “the artistic integrity
and best friend relationship. The documentary doesn’t resolve any confusion, and
of the albums”.
is pretty boring to watch. The only thing you really learn is that Meg is a heavy
Is this a success for artistic integrity? The age of downloading has smoker.
widened our ears to a variety of music that no other generation could
At the end of the film you see Jack serenade Meg with the song “White Moon”.
have dreamed of thirty years before; the image of a teenager hunched
It brings her to tears. And it’s pretty awkward to watch. Almost as awkward as
over a hi-fi recording the weekly BBC chart show on to cassette is an
watching Johnny Depp perform the “funderwhack”.
impoverished Dickensian nightmare in the face of today’s mp3-plugged
android. However with that has come the steady decline of the album The songs on the album are strong. You have “Black Math”, “Blue Orchid”, “Fell In
as an art form, and for someone who believes listening to The Dark Love With a Girl” and “Seven Nation Army”, to name only four of the sixteen. But
Side of the Moon on vinyl from start to finish is one of the few great really, you’re better off listening to them on the studio albums. The audio and film
experiences to appreciate in life. I personally feel, that Pink Floyd has footage doesn’t do them justice. The White Stripes are a band you really need to
won a tremendous victory for music lovers everywhere. experience live, it’s a gig you’ll never forget…even if it is with an ex-girlfriend…
 45 30
Dance and Theatre......
Another term has whizzed by, spring is most definitely on her way and the Easter break is fast approaching…I’d just like to thank all the writers who have
contributed this term. As always we are still on the look out for new talent so if you’d like to write next term please contact me.

There two new features to welcome to these pages: ‘Quotes Corner’ and ‘Dancer of the Moment’, as well as all the latest review and what’s on news. If you
have any artistic quotes or rising dance or theatre stars you’d like to see in this space please contact me at dancetheatre@thestagsurrey.co.uk

I wish you all a very Happy Easter!

Rachel Gildea, Dance and Theatre Editor

What’s On March 2010? Dancer of the Moment -

Laila Diallo
Going Public II – Final Year Degree Shows 

When: Tuesday 23 March and Wednesday 24 March at 7.30pm 

Editor’s choice
Where: PATS Dance Studio 
Described recently by the Observer as ‘a rising star’ and as ‘quietly dazzling’
What: Final year dance students invite audiences to see a wide range by the Evening Standard, Laila Diallo is certainly shining brightly in the dance
of new works, some witty, fun and celebratory, others poignant, thought world. Having been part of Wayne McGregor’s Random Dance for eight years,
provoking and innovative. Come along and see a wide range of styles Laïla recently came to prominence as a choreographer.
from African, Kathak and Ballet to Contemporary and Hip-Hop. 
In particular, she captured me with her duet with Theo Clinkard Between
How much: £3 students, £6 full price the Shingle and the dune which I saw performed recently at Woking Dance
Festival
Tickets available from 01483 686 876 / boxoffice@surrey.ac.uk / door 
……………………………………  A duet so poetic and moving, they explored their own togetherness: the
Joyce Dixey Composition Award Preliminary Concerts  closeness, the distance, the pain, the pleasure, the journey, the understanding,
the missed messages, the caught messages, the nostalgia, the growth, the
When: Wednesday 24 March at 1.10pm & 7.30pm  inertia, the frustration, the connection, the loss. Separate entities, so deeply
connected, their bodies told so clearly of the shifting landscape of their intimacy.
Where: PATS Studio One (1.10pm) & Wates House (7.30pm)  At times chasing each other’s every move with a desperate dynamic and longing
evoked in its drawn out quality; whilst at other times, how they pushed each
What: The annual competition of new music composed by students in other away, so pained, so abruptly; as if spikes, thorn and nettles had grown
the department of Music & Sound Recording.  The lunchtime concert up around them making the space between them pitiless. Her work is deep,
is in PATS Studio One. The evening concert is in the Firs Room, Wates imaginative, intelligent and her unique movement combines a dream like depth
House.  with very realistic rawness. She is ethereal but explores a consciousness so
real and sobering. Her other worldliness and astonishingly beautiful movement
How much:  Free  left me questioning but believing. She’s my dancer of the moment.
………………………………… 
Theatre Students present Chekhov’s Axe 
by Rachel Gildea
When: Thursday 25 March at 1.30pm & 7.30pm & Friday 26 March at
7.30pm 

Where: The Found Space, AC. Please meet at PATS lower foyer. 

What: The first public performance by students on the University’s new

Theatre degree programme. 

How much: £3

Tickets available from 01483 686 876 / boxoffice@surrey.ac.uk / door 

………………………………………… 
Emmanuel Despax piano recital 

When: Sunday 28 March at 3.30pm 

Where: PATS  

What: The young and talented pianist Emmanuel Despax has become

a rapidly rising star of the music world since graduating from the Royal
College of Music in 2006. 

How much:  £5 for students, £15 full price, £12 senior

Tickets available from 01483 686 876 / boxoffice@surrey.ac.uk / door 

dancetheatre@thestagsurrey.co.uk
 46
SHAKE IT UP
Review of HE2 Dance students’ independent show

by Jennifer Pearce

On Sunday the 21st February 2010 the second year dancers “shook it up”. Feeling frustrated that they did not have enough opportunities to perform, they took
it upon themselves to organize a dance showcase in Rubix, primarily so that friends and family could see what they’d be up to...

The initiative was led by Vicky Goody, Neisha Holder, Constance Gibbs and Rowena Bennett who decided to motivate fellow second years to create a show
based on the work and repertoire we had been doing in class over the course so far. The performance featured two Kathak pieces, two African pieces, two ballet
and two contemporary ones. Hype (student led hip-hop dance squad) also performed. Malcom Hunt (VP Welfare officer) was most impressed commenting,
“the event ran seamlessly… a massive credit to those involved in its planning and execution”.

The event proved to be a massive success. All of the seats sold out and many people even paid to stand. Much praise was given to the second years. Melissa
Borelli-Blanco, a dance lecturer, remarked its demonstration of “initiative, consistency, excellent organizational skills, and obviously, dance talent”. They were
also commended for their political and social awareness for raising money for Haiti Relief.

So go against the grain, use your own initiative, create your own show, dance your own dance. HE2 proved they certainly know how to shake it up.  

Three is a magic number

Review of Dance 3 performance, 10th March, PATS studio female, presumably different versions of the same person. Their hair hangs
loose and straggly over their faces in an unkempt manor. They are all dressed
by Jennifer Pearce in different dresses. The dim lighting adds to the sinister dark feeling the
piece emits along with its subject matter. The movement quality is frenetic
Dance 3 is currently touring the country showing triple bills of works from the
and high-speed precision, trade mark of Thorpe’s choreography. At one point,
new wave of dance makers. Last Tuesday they came live to our very own PATS
the dancer speaks rapidly in French spitting abusive words at the floor. The
Studio on campus. The three pieces they performed were Appel by Mickeal
piece is incredibly powerful and beautifully demonstrates the struggles of a
Marso Riviere, Sticks and Bones by Darren Ellis and A Mind As Beautiful by
schizophrenic mind.  In my opinion, this piece had the most impact as it
Douglas Thorpe. They were all vastly different. The evening was very thought-
had a serious and powerful subject matter attached to it thereby enticing the
provoking and the intimateness of the theatre made the experience so much
audience to think about a bigger issue than a nice performance going on in
more immediate for the spectators.
front of them. 
The first piece, Appel (meaning ‘to call’ in French) saw a dim yellow spot light
Over all each piece was extremely different but the contrast worked brilliantly,
up the tabla player, whilst the dancers were submerged in darkness. As the
all just as compelling as the next.
music began, so did the dancer. Long drawn out reaching gestures of the arms
were initiated on her journey from the darkness into the light of centre stage.
She demonstrated great flexibility and wringing (twisting) with slow, strong,
and indirect movements. The second, male, dancer sits, kneeling, watching
the female dancer from upstage left. She pauses and begins to watch him; he
has a very different dynamic and moves at a faster pace. After his solo they
acknowledge each other but this does not appear to be of friendship more
Quotes Corner
based around rivalry and charged with acute sexual tension. However, it was
not until the end of the piece when they were drawn together for a powerful

"There is a bit of
unison section. What was interesting was how the choreographer appeared to
have fused elements of hip hop, contemporary and the martial art capoeira.

The second piece was completely different. A solo both made and danced by
Darren Ellis. The piece explored the idea of ‘practice’, how it ‘makes perfect’
but also how consuming it can be. The light captures his frantic shaking of the
drumsticks, they shine brightly in the darkness. A classic marching band jacket
insanity in dancing that
hangs on a hanger down stage. A tape begins as audio accompaniment; it is
a cassette on learning how to play the drums. He proceeds to sit and “learn”
how to play the drums, exaggerating the movement the tape tells him to do.
does everybody a great
deal of good."
The music crescendos, as the music climaxes the dance dynamics do the
same, reaching to his extremities. The comical effect of the piece was well
received by the audience the dancer used good facial expressions to further
the amusement. The piece ends suddenly leaving us a little tense.

The third piece plunged the audience into the perils of the mind of
schizophrenics. A dancer sat on a sofa twitching as the lights begin to dim. She
wears an angry pained expression and is shaking vigorously. The beginning of
the piece has a major impact; the music begins loudly while the house lights - Edwin Denby
are still up. ‘Vertigo’ by U2 blasts through the speakers. All four dancers are
 47
Film Get the popcorn ready......
The Bounty Hunter (12A)
Please Jennifer Aniston, film has no place for you! A female her he must decide, can he possibly bring her in? I think
friend of mine went to see The Bounty Hunter last week. mentioning the ending would waste my batting fingers against
Bearing in mind she only sees one film a year at the cinema, the keyboard. Dire, absolutely dire.
she came out of the cinema saying, “It was alright”.
*****
Well, first of all I am starting to wonder if she can get her
money back, but most of all, if “alright” was the best thing The by Ollie Sim
Bounty Hunter could do to her; it is an appalling indictment of
how low populist cinema is at the moment.

Gerard Butler is a cop-turned-bounty hunter who hits the big

numbers when he is asked to bring in bail-breaking ex-wife
Jennifer Aniston (crimes against cinema?). After he catches

Shutter Island (15)

Usually, filmmakers that hit the big time, be it
sweeping the Academy Awards or being critically
and commercially successful, are allowed to have
some fun. For Martin Scorsese, Shutter Island is
nowhere near his best (yet to attain his brilliance
from the likes of The King of Comedy), but it is fun.
Shutter Island is an asylum for the criminally insane,
where a female inmate has gone missing. Assigned
to investigate are US Marshals Teddy Daniels
(Leonardo DiCaprio) and Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo).
The inmates know something that the psychiatrists
and doctors are not willing to tell. Teddy begins to
get suspicious about the goings on and the digger
he digs the more the disturbing the revelations.
What Shutter Island alludes to the most is Sam
Fuller’s Shock Corridor and the noir-ish quality is
superbly shot. Leonardo DiCaprio plays his part with
convincing hysteria and grit, but Max Von Sydow’s
doctor just spells ‘NAZI’ all over him. It is the kind of
stark narrative that belongs in a 50s B-Movie.
*****
by Ollie Sim

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18)

A whole movie franchise has already been released
in Sweden, while we have only just received the first
film. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is the first part
of author Stieg Larsson’s ‘Millennium’ Trilogy and is
a bleak labyrinth of a film. The narrative is not any
easier to figure out either, but one hopes things will
make more sense in the future films.
From what one can make out, the story is about
an investigative journalist, Mikael, who is fighting
a libellous suit against him by a corrupt tycoon. He
loses the fight and is sentenced for his actions.
However, before his is taken to prison, he is hired by a
high-class businessman to trace the disappearance
of his niece (which happened forty years ago).
the kidnapper, a computer hacking, Goth-like punk,
Lisbeth, teams up with Mikael in order to solve
the case. Both have a haphazard relationship and
Lisbeth has an abused past, sexually and mentally.
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is a heavy haul to
follow and it is overlong. Despite this, it manages
to be a sustainable, weird murder mystery. The
performances are mostly fearless, especially
from Noomi Rapace whose character undergoes
hardships that could make one feel uncomfortable.
I just hope the next film with be a neater package,
but quite a good start.
*****

While he is continuing on his mysterious search for by Ollie Sim

Alice in Wonderland (18)

Everything sounds promising in making Alice in Wonderland a successful
adaptation. Tim Burton on as director, Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter and
the visual splendour to boot. Why is it then that Tim Burton’s adaptation of
Alice in Wonderland is of so little wonder?
The story picks up with Alice (Mia Wasikowska, a dead ringer for Gwyneth Paltrow,
though less irritating) as a nineteen year old who returns to Wonderland. She
is told that she is the only one who can slay the jabberwocky that is powered
by the Red Queen. (Helen Bonham Carter, who else?) Alice is met by a whole
array of characters, in which they begin to think she is the wrong Alice.
The problem with Alice in Wonderland is that, while it is not a catastrophe, it is
a colourful mediocre film that is strangely disappointing. In the same way that
Batman and Batman Returns were just patches of Tim Burton, this goes to
some lengths to mar the narrative. The last third fails to garner any excitement
even during a dragon fight. And why, oh why the 3D? The 2D works better to
endure Wonderland. I just wish the film were not dissatisfactory.
*****
by Ollie Sim

Green Zone (15)
Welcome to another film ‘based on real-life stories written in a book’
regarding the Iraq War. This time, it’s Imperial Life in the Emerald City by
Rajiv Chandrasekaran. As we all know though, in the process of making a
book into a movie it might have to stray considerably away from it. In this
case, the film’s plot could be written on the back of a paper napkin.
Matt Damon is the quintessential good guy who fighting in Iraq to find
weapons of mass destruction, post-war – but on ‘coming up empty’ at
all sites wants to find out why the intelligence reports are bad. He barks
out snarky one-liners while staring into the distance pondering on what
could’ve gone wrong. The rest of the army unit, of course, are ‘just there
to do a job’ and don’t ‘care about the reasons’. Such depth of character
indeed!
You know why The Hurt Locker is such a good film? Because it breaks
from the mould. It showed us that a war movie doesn’t need to be frenetic
“Battalion is oscar mike” stuff. Green Zone is practically the same as Body
of Lies, The Kingdom et al. Nothing in these last three films stands out that
I’ll be able to recall as specifically being from that film, three months down
the line.
What Green Zone does excel in is, again, the frenetic “Battalion is oscar
mike” stuff. Paul Greengrass pulls out his steadicam and dishes us fast-
paced action film with fluid handheld footage. If this film was named Jason
Bourne 4.0 instead, not much would’ve changed. You’ll enjoy your time
in the theatre – if you like this genre – but it’s not a ‘memorable’ film as
such.
48
Top Film Picks
1. Green Zone (15, *****)
Matt Damon stars in this Paul Greengrass film about a military officer who is
drafted to Iraq to try and justify the US presence by finding weapons of mass
destruction. While one could dismiss Green Zone film against the likes of The
Hurt Locker, it is a perfectly blistering thriller with a serviceable cast.
2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18, *****)
The film is hefty load to take on board, but is also dark murder mystery that
manages to be uncompromising. The complex plot involves a sentenced
journalist who is hired to investigate the murder of a teenage girl and his strange
partnering with a troubled punk computer hacker. A deadly concoction indeed.
3. Shutter Island (15, *****)
Martin Scorsese has some fun with this enjoyable panache of many fifties
B-Movies. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a U.S. Marshall assigned to investigate the
disappearance of a patient in a criminally insane asylum. The story is certainly
not a revelation, nor is most of the film, but it sustains its thrills.
4. Capitalism: A Love Story (12A, *****)
Michael Moore returns in a less pestering mode than his previous documentaries
(Sicko, Fahrenheit 9/11). All the more better for it. Although his stunts are
getting tiring, it is less about Moore’s self-aggrandising and more about how
Capitalism falters in the current climate.
5. The Crazies (15, *****)

***** An efficient remake of George Romero’s 1973 horror film about a community
that is driven crazy by a toxin in their water supply. It is less daunting than the
original and the military presence is emphasised, but it is still quite good.
by Ankur Banerjee

Literature Get those creative juices flowing....

by James Castle
“Good afternoon, please step this way Miss,” the
guard says to welcome Clarissa. His face is genial
as he locks the door and motions for her to sit in the
waiting area.
“I will just go and fetch Mister Baker, I am sure he
will be pleased to see you again.” The guard swiftly
leaves and Clarissa takes in her surroundings. This
is the atrium where her and her friends waited last
week when they visited. The room is well-kept and
the chairs softly silken; Clarissa remembers how they
all sat and talked incessantly about their husbands
while waiting to be allowed in. Mr. Baker strides in
confidently,
“I am surprised to see you here Clarissa - especially
alone. Is something the matter?” His face is full of
faux concern.
“No nothing is wrong Sir. I simply wished to take the
tour again. I was very interested by what I saw last
week and I want to learn more.” Clarissa responds.
Baker smiles broadly and motions towards the main
entrance to the Hospital,
“By all means.” They stalk slowly along the
passageways, peering into the many holding rooms.
Bethlem
“Here we have the Lunatics, here the Idiots, here
are the Violent, here the Distraught...” Baker drones,
pointing to rooms filled with scared faces. Clarissa
interrupts,
“I am chiefly interested in those who have lost the
faculty to communicate.”
“Ah well for that we should look to those who are
totally insane. I have one man in particular who may
be of interest to you. He has been here some years
but lately has been repeating the same phrase over
and over. He does not function any more than an
animal, would you like to see?” Baker asks.
“I very much would like to meet him, if you can show
the way.” They pass along the cold corridors hearing
screams, moans and brief songs intertwine. Finally,
they reach an area of the Hospital that Clarissa has
never seen.
“I shouldn’t really bring you up here but since you are
interested look through this door and listen closely.”
Baker whispers and Clarissa advances to the door of
a cell. Inside the walls are covered in illegible text
and a man lies on the floor holding himself and
talking gently; “What is your name?” he asks over
and over –an endless loop. Clarissa turns to Baker
embarrassed,
“Does he ask my name?”
“No, he has been saying that for a month now
according to the guard. I do not believe it applies to
anyone in particular.” Baker answers. Clarissa steps
to the door once more and says clearly,
“My name is Clarissa, what is yours?” She hears
no answer but the man stops talking and silence
descends on them all. Nothing happens for some
while and Baker interrupts,
“We must be leaving now I am afraid. Do not pay too
much heed to that fellow, he is mad.” Clarissa and
Baker turn to leave when they hear a tremendous
crash as the madman slams his body into the door
of his cell.
“CanYouSeeMe?IHaveBeenWaitingForSomeoneToSt
opMeFromSeeingHell!TellHoffmanToHelpMe!!ItIsHis
FaultAfterAll!!!” the madman yells. Clarissa screams
and runs back down the corridor followed closely by
Baker. Later the madman is beaten by his guard, and
returns to lying on the floor gently whispering.
To read Part 1: ‘The Trap’, the prequel to Bethlem,
visit http://thestagsurrey.co.uk/2010/03/the-trap/
 49
A Fabulous Read.
A Sexy Read. A Carmen Reid.
A proud writer of chic-lit fiction, Carmen
Reid is a bestselling author with an
eagerly anticipated sequel novel –
‘How not to shop’ – due to be released
August 2010. Raised on the tales of
the Brothers Grimm, and with a life-
long passion for writing fiction, she left
her journalism career to start a family,
began writing, and has never looked
back. Now, having published eight
novels for adults and an additional
three for teenagers, she clearly made
the right choice.
Having recently visited the Waterstones
in Guildford for their Mother’s Day
event - ‘A Girly Night In’, and despite
her busy schedule, she still found the
time to answer a few questions for the
Stag.
  1) Since you began writing as a
full-time career, what have been the
ultimate highs and lows on your journey
to where you are today?
Creative careers are tricky, I have to
warn you. There is often no steady
upward progression and lots of ups
and downs. The very important thing is
to believe in yourself, make sure your
work is always improving, always your
best and try not to get too carried away
when there is a big success or a big
failure. With books, films, plays, songs,
paintings... success is often as much to
do with luck, timing, the right package
and just the whole concept as it is to
do with your work. I am incredibly lucky
to have been able to give up the day
job and stay working full-time for many
years now in the career I dreamed of.
Many authors write but also teach, do
journalism and lots of other jobs to pay
the mortgage but still keep the dream
alive. The career low for me was the
five months it took to sell my first book.
Those were long, long, difficult months.
Two ultimate highs were the very first
voicemail message from The Agent
saying he’d love to talk, plus getting
a novel into The Sunday Times top
ten bestseller list. But honestly, every
time an email pops in from a delighted
reader, I do feel very happy.
2) What are the challenges in writing a
book for teenagers compared to writing
a book for adults?
I think the biggest challenge is getting
teens to read and keep reading. There
is so much else competing for their
time and attention: TV, the internet,
computer games, Facebook, Twitter,
homework, snogging etc! I do try to
make sure the books crack on and
keep readers totally involved and totally
hooked. When you pick one up, I want
you to fall into the world and not be
able to let go. I do feel a bit responsible
writing for younger readers. There is
some drinking, smoking and messing
about with diets in the books and I try
to show the consequences of these
things. But not in a preachy, listen-to-
your-Mum kind of way!
3) Which of your books, if any, would
you most like to see as a film and
why?
I think Celebrity Shopper and Drama Girl
would both be brilliant movies, though
obviously I am biased! I would love to
see so many of the scenes brought to
life: the Paris fashion show with the
model in flames, the Collonsay boat
trip disaster and Amy’s terrible binge
eating in the toilet. But to be honest, I
think they do come to life for me when
I write them and for you when you read
them.
4) What is your favourite biscuit? (A
running question for interviews in the
paper.)
A chocolate coated Florentine.
Bit pretentious, but definitely my
favourite.  our former prime minister.  It will be lapped up on the off chance that Mr. Blair
5) What advice would you give to
people who are considering a career
as a writer?
  So much advice... it’s hard to
condense! Read absolutely loads, we
are all always learning from our heroes
and heroines. Write and write and
write. Lots of people have talent, but
if you want to be really good, you’re
going to have to train that talent hard.
I wrote diaries, love letters, essays and
millions of words of journalism before
I finally started on my novel. Also, live
a little! Very bookish, indoors-y writer
types don’t usually have much to
write about. Get out there! Meet new
people, do new things, be interested
in the world and all the fascinating
people in it, then the stories will come.
That’s why I picked journalism for most
of my 20s.
Get very, very used to handling
rejection: what doesn’t kill you makes
you stronger.
Finally, fogeddabout Carrie Bradshaw!
Writing is long, hard hours at the
‘clifface of creativity’ usually wearing
sweatpants and reading glasses with
stone cold mugs of tea at your desk.
No fancy shoes, slinky knickers and
glamorous dates in sight, anywhere!
But all still worth it when your beautiful
new book comes out.
My Booky Wook Hell
by Tom Goulding
It’s Christmas Day. You’re sitting, as clichés would have us believe, on the sofa
in a knitted sweater.  A fire is crackling away in the hearth, The Snowman is on
mute and you’ve just upset your grandmother by declaring you’re pro-republican
in the middle of the Queen’s Speech.  Then come the presents. ‘I wonder
what this could be?’ you remark sarcastically upon picking up a heavy book-
shaped bulk from under the tree.  You proceed in tearing away at the wrapping
paper like your life depended on it.  ‘Finally, the complete works of Kafka!’ an
excited voice shrieks in your head.  Then that terrible sinking feeling follows,
the introspective outcry clashing violently with the superficial smile of gratitude. 
Alas, The Metamorphosis has eluded you once more.  Staring back is the smug
yet perplexed face of Jonathan Ross.  ‘Why Do I Say These Things?’ reads the
caption.  Quite, Jonathan. Quite.
Celebrity autobiographies have become the bane of literature. Each year, half-
arsed shoppers are bombarded with WH Smith offers advertised by hysterical
national treasures, persuading you to gorge in a metaphorical bloodbath. Ricky
Gervais has been slashed in half for one week only! Sharon Osbourne has been
severed! Russell Brand? Decapitated to fit in your trolley! This onslaught of price
cuts means that one way or another, may it be a stressed sister or forlorn father,
chances are good that you’ll be contributing to the only hollow market that
seems to be keeping publishers afloat in the 21st Century.
This year, it will be Tony Blair who attempts to bring good will to all men before
failing spectacularly.  His memoir, My Journey is due to hit the shelves in
September, where it will sell in the millions not because we like or even respect
divulges that he lied to Parliament, which of course judging by the Chilcot Inquiry,
it won’t.  A more realistic expectation of My Journey will be an egocentric account
of his youth (sex, drugs, rock n’ roll and The Bible), how Cherie devoured him in
a court of law and finally how his faith gave him the strength to destroy millions. 
Only not worded quite like that.
For a far more entertaining read this year, pick up Robert Harris’ intriguing
suspense thriller The Ghost, a satirical swipe at the ex-premier that will make its
way to the big screen in April.  So next time you’re sliding down the high street
this Christmas, don’t piss your family off with the vomitesque grin of a lying
politician.  Enlighten them instead.
Essential Cult Fiction #1:
Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas (1971)
by Tom Goulding
“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs
began to take hold.”
Long before Pete Doherty or Amy Winehouse were falling out of bars semi-
conscious, maverick gonzo-journalist Hunter S. Thompson was creating an
excessive persona of his own. Fear and Loathing is the ultimate thrill ride to the
heart of the American Dream, following the drug-fuelled escapades of sports
journalist Raoul Duke and his attorney Dr. Gonzo as they hurtle towards the Las
Vegas strip. 
Originally a two-part feature-length article for Rolling Stone Magazine, Thompson’s
hilarious parody of his own lifestyle skyrocketed him to infamy. Later adapted for
the big screen starring Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro, Fear and Loathing in
Las Vegas stands out as the swan song of liberal freedom under Nixon, and a
comic exploration of the fine line between conformity and insanity.
 50
Breathe
by Katrina James
Abusing Time at the Coffee Shop
by Andrew Phipps
Years later, I said it.
I untied the ribbons that were sewn through my lips to hold my silence. ‘I sit here static as a stone, nobody with me but
Just like that, I opened my mouth and words rushed out,
not alone’
as if blood were bursting from a wound.

I held back my tears and spoke truth, Just abusing time in the Coffee Shop.
so that time would stop going backwards and I could breathe again.
Caffeine lines my oesophagus,
Babel Text fills my mind.
by Andrew Phipps
‘More of the same sir?’,
How the might oak did fell

Destroyed by creation of a master The kind man asks.

To serve a purpose, a comfortable warning. I tilt my head forward, then let it be filled.
Left scrambling for answers in a pit of romantic commodity. Murdering time merely on a whim.
Natural disaster or power of a greater source? Call me Lloyd, you’ll find me somewhere else.
The pulp of the once great Babylonian branch,
Wilde about something, re-Joyce at something
Where children once played, else.
Reduced to the unknown musings of a beast called man. Hours are precious,
How longer shall Babel be of use?
So better to waste them than squander them on
Leant on as a pillar of knowledge and culture. meaning!
Until the image cracks and is succeeded.
Be gone, leave me!
Or…to die horribly in the wake of the next fall; man’s own end.
Don’t ask
A chair if you please.
Talk to me when I’m not…
Word of the Moment: YELLOW
Abusing time in the Coffee Shop.
So, spring has arrived and aptly the word of the
Word
moment is YELLOW. Picture the scene; fluffy yellow
chicks surrounding the Mother Duck around the Would you like to contribute to
Of
lake, where you have come to offer crumbs of
bread. The sun so bright you can wear sunglasses
the Literature section?

The
now; no need for the scarf and coat you have
lived in for what seems like a year. I’m hoping this
Submit your articles at
www.thestagsurrey.co.uk
Moment
dream will become a reality soon, but maybe I’m
being too optimistic. In any case, the colour yellow Or
seems to lift my mood...so bring on the sunshine,
and I’ve got my shades at the ready!
Send all queries to our Litera-
ture Editor at
by Laura Bright literature@thestagsurrey.co.uk
 51
Surrey University Football Club Sports Relief Jail Break 2010
By James Salmon
On Saturday 13th March 2010 at 20:00pm, The
University of Surrey FC undertook the challenge of
a jail break, aiming to get as far away from Guildford
as possible, in support of Sport Relief 2010.
The winning pair was decided by exact geographical
position, measured by distance from the Varsity
Centre Guildford ‘as the crow flies’. This was
decided at 8:00pm on Sunday 14th March 2010,
24 hours after the start.
As we agreed that it would be best to tackle the
challenge in pairs, here is a brief overview of each
of the pair’s escapades over an exhausting, bizarre,
& at times, heroic 24 hours… 
Jack ‘Charlie’  Murray & Nicolas ‘Dub-
Step’ Boutal
Charlie & Nicks plan was to just go north on public
transport as far as they could, hoping that everyone
else got stuck at airports or got arrested. Scotland
is 500 miles away, and was their original goal.
Highlights/Lowlights: Sharing a train toilet to
get to Waterloo, blagging a ticket to get round the
London underground system, sleeping in a chapel
at Luton airport, bunking a train to Sheffield, having
a strange wake up call/‘religious experience’, eating
nothing but dry pasta, drinking nothing other than
warm water, spending two of the worst hours of
their lives in Bedford, giving up & going home.
Finished: 4th Place Distance:  1 Mile (And that’s
generous)
Destination: In bed in Guildford
James ‘Fish’ Salmon & His Bike  pace setters.
Jim Salmon decided to take on the jailbreak with
his bike. After failing to blag another member of
SUFC he took on the cycle ride solo. Partnering up
with his trusty, (or not so as it turned out), bike on
a mission down to & around the Isle of Wight, via
Farnham & Portsmouth.
Highlights/Lowlights: Stopping off at a friends
house party/rave, getting a flat tyre & having to jog
with the bike 15 miles down the A3 at 2.30AM,
having a photo taken at Fratton Park, blagging a
ferry to the Isle of Wight & arriving in Shanklin.   Finished: 1st Place Distance: 303 Miles
Finished: 3rd Place Distance: 75 Miles
Destination: Shanklin, Isle of Wight, UK
 
Chris ‘Mucky’  McDermott, Robert ‘Robo’
Jones  have done it without you!
Mucky & Rob were some people’s favourites for the
jailbreak and their luminous shell suits, as well as
a lift straight to Heathrow put them in good stead
to do well.
After failing to blag a flight from Heathrow they
decided to head south bound towards Dover where
the met some familiar faces, Chopper & Salty! 
Highlights/Lowlights: Blagging a lift to Heathrow,
failing to get on a plane, arguing over a life in a
camper van, crossing the Channel, purchasing a
University of Brugge hoody, playing the harmonica
& blagging a free lift home!   
Finished: Joint 2nd Place Distance: 197.4 Miles
Destination: Brugge, Belgium
Robert ‘Chopper’  Harrison, Joel ‘Salty’ 
Saltmer 
‘Chopper’ & ‘Salty’ were the bookies favourites,
and decided that donning white shades and hats
was the best way forward. ‘Strawberry Blonde’
Chopper decided taking sun cream wasn’t a bad
shout and frankly who could blame him? Chopper
+ Sun Light = Tomato Skin Tone. 
Highlights/Lowlights: Meeting Jerome & getting a
lift with him (along with Muckh & Rob J) to Belgium,
Chopper being called Ron Wesley on the London
Underground by a drunk girl, Making it to Brugge,
playing football in Dover, drinking Belgian larger.  
Finished: ‘Joint’ 2nd Place Distance: 197.4 Miles
Destination: Brugge, Belgium
Steven ‘Disco’ Cole, Andrew ‘Foxy’ Fox
Disco & Foxy were two of the outsiders of the
jailbreak. Starting the event in roller blades certainly
did help matters, a combination of bad technique
and poor conditions left them behind the early
 
At the time of writing this article, I still don’t know
exactly where these two lads are! However from
what I do know, thanks to Jon Creswicks ‘Jailbreak
Tracker’ group, here are some highlights/lowlights. 
Highlights/Lowlights: Disco being woken up 3
times at the airport by police mistaking him for a
hobo, Disco being head butted in a Leeds nightclub,
Foxy & Disco making it to Newcastle & winning
SUFC’s 2010 Jail break!  
Destination: Newcastle, UK
Finally, a big thank you for all of the support & kind
donations we received throughout organising &
taking part in the event. We managed to raise just
under £2,000 for Sports Relief 2010 and couldn’t
 
We are still accepting donations; feel free to donate
at www.justgiving.co.uk/jamessalmonjustgiving or
for further information on Sports Relief log on to
www.sportsrelief.co.uk

Champions League Controversy
Sam Smith on why the Premier League Play Offs were a bad idea
The Champion’s League is one of the highest levels of football available
to European teams and the battles at the top of the table each season
make the last few games of any league thrilling and worth the wait for
every fan. Normally, for the English Premier League, you must finish in the
top four positions in order to qualify for their next seasons Champion’s
League spot. Recently, changes for this have been discussed, with the
potential rules being: the top 3 teams will instantly qualify, with the teams
in positions 4, 5, 6, and 7 competing in a mini-knock out tournament in
order to gain the 4th spot for the extra cup next season. However, with the
thankful agreement of managers such as the Gunners’ Arsene Wenger and
Sir Alex Ferguson of Man United, this proposal was rejected by the Premier
League; a decision that has drawn multiple opinions from most teams in
the top league of English football.
Firstly, the end of season battles for the teams in the top 5 or 6 of the
premier league is one of the best periods of the football calendar. Every
team is throwing everything they can into all their final games in order to
secure a champions or a Europa League spot (which requires the team to
finish 5th, 6th or 7th). Say the playoffs were to become reality; the end of
the season may see certain top flight teams settle for a lower position in
the league, given the opportunity to play for the Champions League without
having pushed for a top 4 position.
For example, imagine these rules were in place for the 2009/2010 season
and we know that Spurs have a very difficult end of season, with fixtures
against Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United right after each other
in April, leaving only Bolton and Burnley for Spurs to beat in their last
two fixtures. If all went well and they kept a spot in 4th or 5th, they could
easily justify putting out a ‘weakened’ squad for their last few games, in
order to rest their best players in preparation for the mini-knock out after
the season has ended. This plan would be seen as a much easier route
52
into champion’s league football for Tottenham, so who would blame them
for easing up for the end of the season? However, without the playoffs,
they would be going all out against the top 3, making the games a lot for
exciting and worth the money for the respective fans. Maybe it can be said
that making entry to the champion’s league slightly easier, results in and
end on season that lacks passion and drive.
Another argument against the playoffs regards potential teams that
would be given the chance to compete in a tournament that they cannot
financially afford. The teams currently close to the 7th position include Villa,
Birmingham, Everton and at a push Fulham. These teams, if given the
chance to fight for the 4th Champions League spot, would of course relish
the idea of playing in Europe however would they be able to physically
afford it? Costs would entail possible new signings and trips to European
stadiums, as well as extra fixtures during the season. This would push any
squad to its limits, resulting in extra injuries that a smaller club may not
be able to compensate for, hence the need for signings that the club just
won’t have the funds for. All this would almost certainly affect performance
in the Premier League and could see even more managers fined for naming
a reserve squad for games they deem unimportant or in a situation similar
to that of Wolves’ manager Mick McCarthy, who chose to rest most of his
first 11 for a game away to Man United. Obviously, this wasn’t due to extra
fixtures in the Champions League; he saw this particular fixture as a lost
cause and so rested his players for an all important fixture against Burnley.
This resulted in McCarthy being fined as the fans had to make a trip to Old
Trafford to watch a reserve team fall 3-0 to the Red Devils. The Premier
League will no doubt see this happen repeatedly within the season, be it to
rest players for extra fixtures or for the extra games for positions 4th to 7th.
The Premier League is exciting enough, with surprises in every fixture and
performances that astonish the most experienced manager. There is no
need to inject extra competition in to one of the fiercest leagues in the
world, so leave it be!

The Mania of Wrestlemania

by David Holt
There aren’t many forms of entertainment that
force such polarising opinions from people as
professional wrestling. Asking people on the street
would lead to you believe that wrestling is merely
a niche, something that is followed by a select
few rather than the masses, and something that
is passed off as ‘stupid’ or ‘fake’. But with the
biggest World Wrestling Entertainment event of
the year, Wrestlemania 26, being broadcast on
Sunday 28th March, maybe it is time to see what
the fuss is really all about.
Whilst it has become almost accepted knowledge
this side of the pond that the WWE is one of
the smaller entertainment forms, wrestling is
big business. How big? In 2007 1.2 million
people paid anything up to $60 just to watch
the event on pay-per-view from the comfort of
their own homes. But this figure is dwarfed by
the ticket prices, which are selling on eBay for
up to $3000 a ticket. In 2008, the WWE paid
Floyd Mayweather Jr. around $3 million for his
participation in a match, while former WWE
Champion Triple H was reported to be paid over
$2 million in salary in 2006, as well as getting
first class flight tickets, hotel accommodations,
and ground transportation paid for every week
and the use of the company jet (although these
figures may have something to do with him being
married to the boss’ daughter).
Speaking of the boss, Vince McMahon took
over the company from his father in 1982 and
now owns a $40 million mansion in Greenwich,
a $12 million pent house in Manhattan and a
$20 million holiday home in Florida, all of which
coming from his total value which once stood at
$1.1 billion. So clearly, big business.
And yet, with so much money pumped in to
the company, many still seem unimpressed.
Speaking to University of Surrey students around
campus brings statements like “Why would I
want to watch a predetermined fight?” and “It’s
clearly fake”. Even those who were fans have
since turned their back on it, with some telling
me that “It seems faker than it did when you
were young”, and “I stopped watching because
the stories were so stupid”. So why do people
keep watching?
One common response from those who do still
watch the WWE was the entertainment factor,
the spectacle that comes with such a big event.
And you can see why – just looking through the
archives of past Wrestlemania’s sees an event
littered with celebrities such as Mike Tyson,
Donald Trump and Snoop Dogg. The show opens
with “America the Beautiful”, usually sung by an
internationally renowned artist, such as last years
performance from Nicole Sherizinger, followed by
$300,000 worth of fireworks and pyrotechnics.
All before the wrestling begins.
This years event will see The Undertaker and
Shawn Michaels wrestling in the main event,
backed up by matches such as John Cena versus
Batista and the chairman Vince McMahon facing
Bret Hart, who left the company in 1997 and
retired in 2000 following a major concussion,
and suffered a stroke just two years after that.
Will this be enough to tempt people to watch an
event branded as ‘fake’ by many?
“You don’t watch Coronation Street thinking what
you see is real” one person told me, “it’s a form
of entertainment, and it’s entertaining. That’s
all that matters”. And for £14.95 to watch it on
pay-per-view over here, it better be.
Will you be watching WWE Wrestlemania 26?
Are you a wrestling fan, or can you not stand
it? Email your thoughts to sports@thestagsurrey.
co.uk
 53
Premier League Needs Play Off Excitement
David Holt on why the Premier League needs the Play-Offs

It had to happen eventually. After toying with the idea of adding an extra It’s not just short term that the league could prosper. With each team
game to be played abroad the Premier League was due an idea that giving it all to make the play offs interest level in the Premiership would
was actually, you know, good. And that idea was to add a four team be at an all time high. Imagine the attendance boosts for teams who
play off system for the fourth and final Champions League spot. And to struggle to fill their stadiums if they are in the hunt for a Champions
celebrate their great idea… they rejected it. League place. Imagine the financial benefits to the teams who are
making the big time, and using that money to blow the league wide open
Well, to say that the Premier League rejected the plans would be again. The financial divide between the top teams would be drastically
unfair. Fourteen of the twenty teams had to agree to the new proposal, shortened by the extra revenue from potentially three more matches at
meaning it would take just six to reject it. With Manchester United, the end of the season.
Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool publically against it, the idea was
doomed from the start. And why would those four back it? They’ve held The play offs have been in the place in the lower leagues for years and,
what can only be described as a monopoly over the Champions League while they can be a cruel mistress (and I speak from experience after
spots for years and it’s only this year with the managerial brilliance of watching Southend get knocked out a couple of years ago) it gives
Redknapp and O’Neill, the financial clout of Manchester City and the teams that extra impetus to throw caution to the wind and try to make
inept performances of Liverpool that have even threatened to change that one last spot. Even this year we can see what the play offs have
this. But this is exactly why we need the play offs, and had this season done for Southampton – a team who started the year ten points behind
been like every other in which the top four places had been decided by the others and couldn’t find their feet in League One, only to find form
November I think it would be difficult to argue against this idea. and push on with the chance of reaching that one last spot still there.
It might be unlikely, it might take a miracle, but the Saints still believe
Take, for instance, Stoke City. A very well organised side that are difficult they can make it against all odds, and belief alone is what make the
to play against. Imagine they suddenly hit a rich vein of form and find play offs so fascinating. You simply can’t afford to write yourself off until
themselves stealing 7th position. What does that mean for them now? it is mathematically impossible to make it.
Very little. What would it mean if we had the play off proposition in
place? The potential to upset the rigid formality of the current system in I completely understand that the play offs can be unpopular (mainly by
the league where the “haves” dominate the “have-nots” at almost every those who have seen their team lose in them) and there are perfectly
opportunity. Teams will throw everything they have in to making the top acceptable reasons why the play offs should not take place. But if it
seven. Anyone could make it, even after a bad start to the season. goes even some way towards evening the playing field and adding
Teams in the mid table wouldn’t accept their spot- there would be too intrigue to what is already one of the most entertaining and exciting
much on the line. The teams lower down the table will push on the leagues in the world, then I absolutely think we should embrace it. If it
belief that they could make the play offs; the teams at the top fighting has the potential to excite us football fans then I’ll be the first in line to
to avoid it. Complacency in the Premiership would become a thing of support it.
the past.

Changes for next season

Despite the decision not to add the play-offs to the Premier League, one new rule has been passed for next season – and it could have a huge
affect both domestically and for the national team.

With the importance in developing young players never higher than during a World Cup season, plans are now in place; starting next season, each
team must select their match day squad from a squad of 25 players, eight of whom have to be home grown (a player who has spend three years
registered for an English or Welsh team before he turns 21 regardless of nationality). In addition to this, this 25 man squad may be supplemented
with the any number of extra players under the age of 21.

So what does this mean in practical terms? Firstly, it’s the first significant move the Premier League has made towards rulings in squads, following
previous debates about the number of non-British players in a squad or criteria on young players. With teams unable to simply sign the best
players available to them at any age, teams will now be forced to put greater emphasis on bringing along young players and then give them
opportunities in the first team that they may not have had before.

With young foreign talent available for so little, people may argue that this will simply result in the increase in non-British players joining the league
at a young age, but the chances are that many teams will simply be forced to take a gamble on their young British players rather than bringing in
aged foreign players. Therefore, we might be seeing the next generation of England’s superstars being given a chance at the highest level much
sooner than we would have before, and teams might not be quite so eager to cast aside youngsters they don’t think are quite ready for the big
time.

by David Holt

sports@thestagsurrey.co.uk
 54
Football Blitz
by Don Decaprivano gardening leave prove to be a deciding factor in their survival?

Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United. These football clubs represent There’s all to play for and no one wants to slip up. The sad reality
more than what they were created for. For some, it is for fun, for others about this competition and every competition is that some one has to
it is for a hobby, for many it is a way of life. win and some has to lose. These are the moments we leave for and
I am very excited as the leagues draw the curtains down to a nothing
This year’s football season has proved to be nothing but mouth-watering but explosive season and raise the curtains for a much-awaited World
and exciting. Words cannot express the overwhelmingly sensational Cup.
feeling that it has brought. It is like one of those moments in a horror
movie that you do not really want to look but you still want to know Egotistical, cynical and brilliant and because we all love Jose Mourinho
what happened in the end. he deserves a special mention for some of the things he has said…

With debates of who will win the English Premier League, it is a very ‘In Portugal there is God first, then the Champions League Cup, then
close one to call. With Chelsea , Man Utd and Arsenal all battling it out me. I AM
for top spot and 8 more games it go, a draw is as good as a loss. With
Arsenal and Man Utd both through to the quarter-finals of the UEFA THE SPECIAL ONE
Champions League and Chelsea out this will give Chelsea more fire
and reason to spur them on to clinch the title and make up for being ‘Everybody was waiting for Chelsea not to win every game and one day,
knocked out of Europe by Inter Milan. when we lose, there will be a holiday in the country. But we are ready
for that.’
Wayne Rooney’s form is still blazing hot, scoring over 30 goals so far
this season. He is now only 10 goals behind Cristiano Ronaldo’s 42 ‘After all that has happened this season – and that is a lot – I’ve reached
goal feat that he achieved in the 2007/2008 season. With the World the conclusion that I am a good loser.’ – after losing the Premiership
Cup looming, less than 90 days away, Mr. Capello would love Rooney title to Manchester United in the 2006/2007 season.
to carry this great form that would hopefully lead England to the World
Cup later on this year. ‘I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch
other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have
The battle for forth spot just keeps on getting more and more exciting, a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks,
with four teams still vying for the precious position. An inconsistent Man speaks, and speaks about Chelsea.’ – on Arsène Wenger
City, a resilient Aston Villa and a rejuvenated Liverpool are all battling it
out for the last spot to join Europe’s elite in the Champions League. ‘I never lose at Stamford Bridge’ – Speaking before the match against
Chelsea
The relegation battle seems to be unclear with Portsmouth picking up
results during a terrible period in the club’s history. Having sacked their Mourinho we love you.
manager, will Hull City’s decision to dismiss Phil Brown and put him on
(Get well soon David Beckham.)

Inside Sport
With David Holt...
In this feature I’ll meet with people from University sports teams to in the Newquay clubs. And back in Guildford we do socials every 3
try and gain an insight in to their sport. This week I met Seb Rodgers weeks or so, the latest of which was a white t-shirt pub crawl last
from the Surf and Wakeboarding club. Wednesday, Roots--> Bar Med--> Spoons --> Flares --> Rubix,
which had about 25 people and good times were had by everyone.
How many people are involved in Surfing at University of
Surrey? If anyone is interested in joining, how do they get involved in
Surfing at Surrey Uni?
The biggest trip we run is around 40 people for weekend surf trips,
and on the Wakeboarding day trips it is normally 5-10 people. Just send us an e-mail to ussu.surf@surrey.ac.uk or search for
‘University of Surrey Surf and Wakeboard Club’ on Facebook and get
What ability level are you all at? in contact that way. We are a very friendly club so don’t hesitate to
give us an e-mail or come on one of our trips even if you don’t know
We are all beginners; no one in this club is pro by any means, which anyone going on it, as a lot of people come by themselves. Our next
make for good fun in the water as watching peoples spectacular bails trip is fully booked but we are going to do one more trip after Easter
is almost as good as the surfing itself. This also means that we don’t and it will be a big one as it is the last one of the year.
take it too seriously; it’s all about the fun.
Would you like to be interviewed and get the important information
What is the social life like and how often do you go out? about your sport out there? Email David Holt at sports@thestagsurrey.
co.uk if you would and we can organise an interview for future
On the trips itself down to Newquay the nights out are pretty messy, editions.
we leave on the Friday from Guildford and use the bus as pre-drinks
so when we arrive in Newquay everyone is game for a good session
55
Your Comments Results
Once again, it’s time to see what the people of University of Surrey Once again the results are in for the Brighton Women’s 3rd 7-0 Surrey
are saying about the goings on in sport… university sports teams, with this Women’s 2nd (3rd March)
weeks Result of the Week going to
“The interview with the Aldershot right back is why I follow a lower the Women’s Hockey First Team for Cheam Ladies 3rd 0-2 Surrey Women’s
league team. He came across as really down to Earth and just their 7-0 win against Reigate Ladies. 1st (6th March)
human, which not many footballers do. He plays for the love of Contact me on sports@thestagsurrey.
the game and wants to do as well as he can and hopes it is with co.uk and let me know why you think Old Mid Whitgiftians Men’s 4th 0-3
your team deserves Result of the Surrey Men’s 2nd (6th March)
the team he plays for”
Week for next week’s issue.
Brunel Men’s 2nd 0-2 Surrey Men’s 1st
Anon on the interview with Ben Herd, the Aldershot Town right Badminton (10th March)
back. The interview can be seen online at www.thestagsurrey.
co.uk Royal Holloway Men’s 1st 7-1 Surrey Surrey Women’s 1st 1-1 Sussex Men’s
Men’s 1st (3rd March) 1st (10th March)
“Love that Herd used the term “kick in the b******s” in an
interview” Andy, also on the Ben Herd interview Royal Holloway Men’s 2nd 3-5 Surrey Portsmouth Women’s 3rd 0-6 Surrey
Men’s 2nd (3rd March) Women’s 2nd (10th March)
“So what if Becks is injured for the World Cup? He doesn’t play
more than 10 minutes a game for England anyway!” Dave on the Surrey Men’s 1st 6-2 Hertfordshire Surrey Women’s 1st 7-0 Reigate Ladies
injury that has ruled David Beckham out of the World Cup Men’s 2nd (10th March) 3rd (13th March)

“Nice to see from the articles and comments that a few people Basketball Addiscombe Men’s 3rd 5-0 Surrey
enjoyed the Olympics as much as me, I probably preferred them Men’s 2nd (13th March)
Surrey Men’s 51-77 Chichester Men’s
to the actual Olympics.” Anon on our coverage of the Winter Netball
(3rd March)
Olympics
Fencing Surrey Women’s 2nd 49-25 Royal
“As someone else who goes to see Surrey Storm I totally agree Holloway 2nd (3rd March)
that it is a wicked experience and is gonna get really popular Surrey Men’s 1st 134-135 Imperial
soon” Anon on last issues article on the Surrey Storm netball Men’s 2nd (3rd March) Portsmouth Women’s 2nd 50-36
team Surrey Women’s (10th March)
Portsmouth Men’s 1st 135-100 Surrey
“Steve Bruce paid £6 for Lee Cattermole?” ‘Big’ Ben Sparrow on Men’s 1st (10th March) Surrey Women’s 2nd 68-10 Reading
the mistype in the Under-Rated Premiership XI article Women’s 3rd (10th March)
Football
Are you bothered about Becks’ latest injury? Has something Rugby
happened in the world of sport that isn’t mentioned here? Send Imperial College Men’s 1st 1-2 Surrey
us your views to sports@thestagsurrey.co.uk Men’s 1st (3rd March) Surrey Men’s 1st 8-23 Kent Men’s 1st
(3rd March)
Reading Men’s 2nd 2-4 Surrey Men’s
2nd (3rd March) Reading Men’s 4th 7-21 Surrey Men’s
Would you like to contribute to Kings College 2nd 0-2 Surrey Men’s 3rd
2nd (10th March)

the Sports Section for The Stag? (3rd March) UCL Women’s 30-0 Surrey Women’s

Getting your article printed Surrey Men’s 4th 0-3 Buckinghamshire

Men’s 5th (3rd March)
Squash

couldn’t be easier- either visit Royal Holloway Women’s 5-1 Surrey

Surrey Men’s 2nd 1-2 Imperial College
Men’s 4th (3rd March)
www.thestagsurrey.co.uk or email Women’s 1st (3rd March)
Tennis
Sports Editor David Holt at sports@ Royal Holloway Men’s 2nd 0-4 Surrey
Men’s 2nd (10th March) Portsmouth Men’s 1st 7-3 Surrey
thestagsurrey.co.uk with your Middlesex Women’s 6-0 Surrey
Men’s 1st (3rd March)

article and we’ll do the rest! Your Women’s (10th March) Surrey Men’s 2nd 0-10 Royal Holloway
Men’s 1st (3rd March)

article can cover any sport from as Hockey

Surrey Women’s 1st 4-6 Chichester
Surrey Men’s 1st 3-1 Sussex Men’s 1st Women’s 1st (3rd March)
nearby as the university to as far (3rd March)
Reading Women’s 1st 7-3 Surrey
away as the World Cup and can Kingston Women’s 1 0-5 Surrey
Women’s 1st (3rd March)
st
Women’s 1st (10th March)

be written in any style you wish. Surrey Men’s 2 0-7 Royal Holloway
nd
Your thoughts- your article. Men’s 1st (3rd March)
Are we missing your team’s results?
Contact sports@thestagsurrey.co.uk
and keep us updated with how your
team are doing!
 Paul Stears
Age at disappearance: 49

Paul has been missing from Carshalton,

Surrey, since 19 Mar 2010. His current
whereabouts are unknown
There is great concern for Paul as his
disappearance is out of character. Paul is
urged to call our confidential service
Message Home on Freefone 0800 700
740 for advice and support.
Paul is 5ft 6in tall, of large build with blue
eyes and dark hair. When last seen he was
wearing a t-shirt, jogging bottoms and a
fleece.
Ref:10-000678 Paul left with his white Toyota van,
registration N232 0YR.

www.missingpeople.org.uk/paulstears