Introduction

Herein is found a collection of whittisms, poems, jokes and articles to

Favorites ……volume one delight. Warning to the casual browser is given that one or more surprises

will be found.
Edited by J P Ronan
The subjects are loosely organized in to five sections where their contents

are arranged in random.

NSBN 1526373849 D
Published by Ronan’s Press in 2010

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 Poems

Table of contents:

Poems……………….…………….page 4
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Humor……………………………page 60
By Robert Frost
Irish……………….………...…….page 107

Quotes……………….…………….page 146
Whose woods these are I think I know.
Love and faith…………………….page 162
His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

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To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

My Papa's Waltz

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. by Theodore Roethke

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep, The whiskey on your breath

And miles to go before I sleep Could make a small boy dizzy;

But I hung on like death:

Such waltzing was not easy.

We romped until the pans

Slid from the kitchen shelf;

My mother's countenance

Could not unfrown itself.

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The hand that held my wrist

Was battered on one knuckle;

At every step you missed Pied Beauty

My right ear scraped a buckle.

GLORY be to God for dappled things —

You beat time on my head For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;

With a palm caked hard by dirt, For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;

Then waltzed me off to bed Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;

Still clinging to your shirt. Landscape plotted and pieced — fold, fallow, and plough;

And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;

Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)

With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;

He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change

Praise Him

Gerard Manley Hopkins

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 The Blessings of July

Warm nights,

Sunny days,

Blue sky with patches of white,

The fawn loses it's spots,

Something by ANAIS NIN Butterflies are endless in sight,

The garden and orchards bear fresh rewards,

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possible not born The children's play is intense,

until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is Pinics abound,

born." The campers are in the woods,

Families live outside,

Young love has a start.

jpR

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Anthem ~ Leonard Cohen the dentist

Ring the bells that still can ring, "Some tortures are physical

Forget your perfect offering, And some are mental,

There is a crack in everything, But the one that is both

Is dental."

That’s how the light gets in... ~Ogden Nash

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Song of the Gardener's wife (or I am the canning Queen )

What is hotter than the beating sun on an August afternoon, Dreaming about surfing

What is richer than the lush,heavy, green of the garden- full of life, I am where

buttereflies, birds,bunnies and the slugs... oh, the slugs there is no air

and seaweed is my hair

Who is prized more than the gardener- laboring, watching, coaxing

the soil's gift, feet over head

and head over feet

What brings more memories than the bittersweet rhubarb- summers repeat

and pies of the past,

and then I see

Can this all be captured in a glass jar, placed on a shelf where it ahead of me

waits for winter and then it's promise is released, savored, the light of day

uncomparable to what other things we call "food",

I rise from the froth of the salty stew

How grateful am I for the chance to share this taste, this season, breathless and new

this bounty

~~Rita ~~Megan

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The Clean Plater Go purloin a sirloin, my pet,

If you'd win a devotion incredible;

And asparagus tips vinaigrette,

Pheasant is pleasant, of course, Or anything else that is edible.

And terrapin, too, is tasty, Bring salad or sausage or scrapple,

Lobster I freely endorse, A berry or even a beet.

In pate or patty or pasty. Bring an oyster, an egg, or an apple,

But there's nothing the matter with butter, As long as it's something to eat.

And nothing the matter with jam, If it's food,

And the warmest greetings I utter It's food;

To the ham and the yam and the clam. Never mind what kind of food.

For they're food, When I ponder my mind

All food, I consistently find

And I think very fondly of food. It is glued

Through I'm broody at times On food.

When bothered by rhymes,

I brood -- Ogden Nash

On food.

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On dreams The Sky's Secret (the morning after)

"Our revels now are ended. These our actors, The morn breaks clear

As I foretold you, were all spirits, and and the clouds are late.

Are melted into air, into thin air: I stare up until my neck

And like the baseless fabric of this vision, aches from wandering;

The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces, what else is in there?

The solemn temples, the great globe itself, the birds seem to know.

Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, they're quite cheerful

And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, at this time anyway,

Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff the brisk air whispers,

As dreams are made on; and our little life it's chasing itself again,

Is rounded with a sleep." someone seems delighted,

Well at least I have my health.

-- Shakespeare ...the Tempest

The vast scape requires

admiration, sweet jubilation.

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Oh the cleverness of this "so-

called" cunning sea of clout,

it stands for something far Cheerfulness Taught By Reason

more than we want to admit,

we deny it the proper "I THINK we are too ready with complaint

label it has so undoubtedly In this fair world of God's. Had we no hope

deserved. Indeed beyond the zenith and the slope

we render it with obtuse minds Of yon gray blank of sky, we might grow faint

and folly. To muse upon eternity's constraint

Round our aspirant souls; but since the scope

We treat it as we treat ourselves, Must widen early, is it well to droop,

each other, and those lost. For a few days consumed in loss and taint ?

without a cause. O pusillanimous Heart, be comforted

with each drink, with each smoke And, like a cheerful traveller, take the road

we attempt to tarnish what we have. Singing beside the hedge. What if the bread

mine's gone, mind's gone, Be bitter in thine inn, and thou unshod

goodnight. To meet the flints ? At least it may be said

'Because the way is short, I thank thee, God."

-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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 Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

JABBERWOCKY And burbled as it came!

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves One, two! One, two! And through and through

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

All mimsy were the borogoves, He left it dead, and with its head

And the mome raths outgrabe. He went galumphing back.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

The frumious Bandersnatch!" He chortled in his joy.

He took his vorpal sword in hand: `Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Long time the manxome foe he sought -- Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

So rested he by the Tumtum tree, All mimsy were the borogoves,

And stood awhile in thought. And the mome raths outgrabe.

And, as in uffish thought he stood, ~ Lewis Carroll

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

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 That you lov'd me still the same...

I dreamt that suitors sought my hand;

That knights upon bended knee,

And with vows no maiden heart could withstand,

They pledg'd their faith to me;

And I dreamt that one of that noble host

The Gipsy Girl's Dream Came forth my hand to claim.

But I also dreamt, which charmed me most,

That you lov'd me still the same...

I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls, -- Michael Balfe

With vassals and serfs at my side,

And of all who assembled within those walls,

That I was the hope and the pride.

I had riches too great to count, could boast

Of a high ancestral name;

But I also dreamt, which pleased me most,

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"For the Fallen"

....

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning I Travel In Time

We will remember them.

I travel in time,

-- Laurence Binyon wrt soldiers lost in WWI here I go

to the future

not back

and the trip is real slow.

I travel in time

to the past,

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a place in my mind the then and the was,

where breezes blow warm, where I go to hide.

the weather is kind.

I travel in time

I travel in time to the past to and fro.

when the hurt first appears You don’t like this rhyme?

as the milk starts to sour I can tell - the way your eyes go

before I can feel

before any tears. You don’t like this rhyme?

What do you know?

I travel in time Step out of my way.

to the past time ago The moment is lost,

where I play all day long Here I go....

puppies are free

and nothing goes wrong.

I travel in time.

Here and now -

I never have tried.

it’s the until and before,

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 They searched him in the attic room

and cubby hole and press

and even up the chimney flu and every wheres, I guess,

Little Orphan Annie but all they ever found of him was just his pants and round-abouts

and the goblins will get ya if ya don't watch out!!

Little Orphan Annie's come to my house to stay.

To wash the cups and saucers up and brush the crumbs away.

To shoo the chickens from the porch and dust the hearth and Once there was a little girl who always laughed and grinned

sweep, and made fun of everyone, of all her blood and kin,

and make the fire and bake the bread to earn her board and keep. and once when there was company and old folks was there,

While all us other children, when the supper things is done, she mocked them and she shocked them and said, she didn't care.

we sit around the kitchen fire and has the mostest fun, And just as she turned on her heels and to go and run and hide,

a listening to the witch tales that Annie tells about there was two great big black things a standing by her side.

and the goblins will get ya if ya don't watch out! They snatched her through the ceiling fore she knew what shes

about,

Once there was a little boy who wouldn't say his prayers, and the goblins will get ya if ya don't watch out!!

and when he went to bed at night away up stairs,

his mammy heard him holler and his daddy heard him bawl, -- James Whitcomb Riley

and when they turned the covers down,

he wasn't there at all!

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 When gentians roll their fingers tight

To save them for the morning,

And chestnuts fall from satin burrs

Without a sound of warning;

When on the ground red apples lie

In piles like jewels shining,

And redder still on old stone walls

October's Bright Blue Weather Are leaves of woodbine twining;

O suns and skies and clouds of June, When all the lovely wayside things

And flowers of June together, Their white-winged seeds are sowing,

Ye cannot rival for one hour And in the fields still green and fair,

October's bright blue weather; Late aftermaths are growing;

When loud the bumblebee makes haste, When springs run low, and on the brooks,

Belated, thriftless vagrant, In idle golden freighting,

And goldenrod is dying fast, Bright leaves sink noiseless in the hush

And lanes with grapes are fragrant; Of woods, for winter waiting;

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When comrades seek sweet country haunts,

By twos and twos together,

And count like misers, hour by hour,

October's bright blue weather.

O sun and skies and flowers of June,

Count all your boasts together, New Year’s Eve

Love loveth best of all the year

October's bright blue weather. “Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

-- Helen Hunt Jackson The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.”

- -Alfred, Lord Tennyson

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Moved by groundhog’s day

My friends all know that I am shy,

But the chipmunk is twice as shy as I. A Prayer in Spring

He moves with flickering indecision

Like stripes across the television. OH, give us pleasure in the flowers today;

He's like the shadow of a cloud, And give us not to think so far away

Or Emily Dickinson read aloud. As the uncertain harvest; keep us here

- - Ogden Nash All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,

Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;

And make us happy in the happy bees,

The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

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And make us happy in the darting bird

That suddenly above the bees is heard,

The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,

And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,

To which it is reserved for God above

To sanctify to what far ends he will,

But which it only needs that we fulfill. A Prayer by Anne Bronte

-- Robert Frost

My God (oh, let me call Thee mine,

Weak, wretched sinner though I be),

My trembling soul would fain be Thine;

My feeble faith still clings to Thee.

Not only for the Past I grieve,

The Future fills me with dismay;

Unless Thou hasten to relieve,

Thy suppliant is a castaway.

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I cannot say my faith is strong,

I dare not hope my love is great;

But strength and love to Thee belong;

Oh, do not leave me desolate! A Prayer in the Prospect of Death by Robert Burns

I know I owe my all to Thee; O THOU unknown, Almighty Cause

Oh, TAKE the heart I cannot give! Of all my hope and fear!

Do Thou my strength--my Saviour be, In whose dread presence, ere an hour,

And MAKE me to Thy glory live. -- Perhaps I must appear!

If I have wander’d in those paths

Of life I ought to shun,

As something, loudly, in my breast,

Remonstrates I have done;

Thou know’st that Thou hast formed me

With passions wild and strong;

And list’ning to their witching voice

Has often led me wrong.

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Where human weakness has come short,

Or frailty stept aside,

Do Thou, All-Good-for such Thou art—

In shades of darkness hide.

Where with intention I have err’d,

No other plea I have,

But, Thou art good; and Goodness still The Rainy Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Delighteth to forgive.

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary

It rains, and the wind is never weary;

A little Madness in the Spring by Emily Dickinson The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,

But at every gust the dead leaves fall,

A little Madness in the Spring And the day is dark and dreary.

Is wholesome even for the King,

But God be with the Clown -- My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;

Who ponders this tremendous scene -- It rains, and the wind is never weary;

This whole Experiment of Green -- My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,

As if it were his own! But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,

And the days are dark and dreary.

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Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining; "Black Dog" by James DenBoer,

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall, Nothing goes on in his head.

Some days must be dark and dreary. It all goes on in his glands,

his muscles, his nose.

He chases every squirrel

every time he sees one,

barks and lunges at every cat;

he'd eat every bit of garbage

on the road if I didn't snap his lead hard.

He doesn't care in a way I can't.

He doesn't confuse past with present;

his only language is what's now

and under his black pads.

He's the perfect one, in fact,

to talk with, in the rain and wind

of January, when winter needs talking to

and writing down to bone-cold.

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As with the many names of God,

I repeat his name often-he doesn't know Easter by Edmund Spenser

my name, he doesn't know this

is winter, he doesn't know MOST glorious Lord of Lyfe! that, on this day,

he could kill me with those teeth. Didst make Thy triumph over death and sin;

He listens to my chatter, my hum, And, having harrowd hell, didst bring away

my chikk-chikk like a squirrel; Captivity thence captive, us to win:

my noises keep him interested This joyous day, deare Lord, with joy begin;

and unworried. He scribbles And grant that we, for whom thou diddest dye,

along the scent of air, his nails click Being with Thy deare blood clene washt from sin,

on wet black stones, he pulls his way May live for ever in felicity!

toward red lights on Fair Oaks Avenue,

he leads me back to start And that Thy love we weighing worthily,

May likewise love Thee for the same againe;

And for Thy sake, that all lyke deare didst buy,

With love may one another entertayne!

So let us love, deare Love, lyke as we ought,

--Love is the lesson which the Lord us taught.

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 For many a mile where troops convene.

Easter Week by Joyce Kilmer O'Connell Street is loudly sweet

With strains of Wearing of the Green.

"Romantic Ireland's dead and gone, The soil of Ireland throbs and glows

It's with O'Leary in the grave." With life that knows the hour is here

Then, Yeats, what gave that Easter dawn To strike again like Irishmen

A hue so radiantly brave? For that which Irishmen hold dear.

There was a rain of blood that day, Lord Edward leaves his resting place

Red rain in gay blue April weather. And Sarsfield's face is glad and fierce.

It blessed the earth till it gave birth See Emmet leap from troubled sleep

To valour thick as blooms of heather. To grasp the hand of Padraic Pearse!

Romantic Ireland never dies! There is no rope can strangle song

O'Leary lies in fertile ground, And not for long death takes his toll.

And songs and spears throughout the years No prison bars can dim the stars

Rise up where patriot graves are found. Nor quicklime eat the living soul.

Immortal patriots newly dead Romantic Ireland is not old.

And ye that bled in bygone years, For years untold her youth will shine.

What banners rise before your eyes? Her heart is fed on Heavenly bread,

What is the tune that greets your ears? The blood of martyrs is her wine.

The young Republic's banners smile

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Easter Day by Oscar Wilde The Flowery banks of Cree by Robert Burns

The silver trumpets rang across the Dome: HERE is the glen, and here the bower

The people knelt upon the ground with awe: All underneath the birchen shade;

And borne upon the necks of men I saw, The village-bell has told the hour,

Like some great God, the Holy Lord of Rome. O what can stay my lovely maid?

Priest-like, he wore a robe more white than foam,

And, king-like, swathed himself in royal red,

Three crowns of gold rose high upon his head: ’Tis not Maria’s whispering call;

In splendour and in light the Pope passed home. ’Tis but the balmy breathing gale,

My heart stole back across wide wastes of years Mixt with some warbler’s dying fall,

To One who wandered by a lonely sea, The dewy star of eve to hail.

And sought in vain for any place of rest:

'Foxes have holes, and every bird its nest.

I, only I, must wander wearily, It is Maria’s voice I hear;

And bruise my feet, and drink wine salt with tears.' So calls the woodlark in the grove,

His little, faithful mate to cheer;

At once ’tis music and ’tis love.

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And art thou come! and art thou true!

O welcome dear to love and me!

And let us all our vows renew,

Along the flowery banks of Cree.

Romance with A Red, Red Rose, By Robert Burns

O my Luve's like a red, red rose,

That's newly sprung in June;

O my Luve's like the melodie

That's sweetly play'd in tune.--

As fair art thou, my bonie lass,

So deep in luve am I;

And I will love thee still, my Dear,

Till a' the seas gang dry.--

Till a' the seas gang dry, my Dear,

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And the rocks melt wi' the sun:

I will love thee still, my Dear, From you have I been absent in the spring... (Sonnet 98) by William

While the sands o' life shall run.-- Shakespeare

And fare thee weel my only Luve! From you have I been absent in the spring,

And fare thee weel a while! When proud-pied April, dressed in all his trim,

And I will come again, my Luve, Hath put a spirit of youth in everything,

Tho' it were ten thousand mile! That heavy Saturn laughed and leaped with him,

Yet nor the lays of birds, nor the sweet smell

Of different flowers in odor and in hue,

Could make me any summer's story tell,

Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew.

Nor did I wonder at the lily's white,

Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose;

They were but sweet, but figures of delight,

Drawn after you, you pattern of all those.

Yet seemed it winter still, and, you away,

As with your shadow I with these did play.

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 Enjoys the air it breathes.

The birds around me hopped and played,

Their thoughts I cannot measure:--

But the least motion which they made

Lines Written In Early Spring by William Wordsworth It seemed a thrill of pleasure.

I heard a thousand blended notes, The budding twigs spread out their fan,

While in a grove I sate reclined, To catch the breezy air;

In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts And I must think, do all I can,

Bring sad thoughts to the mind. That there was pleasure there.

To her fair works did Nature link If this belief from heaven be sent,

The human soul that through me ran; If such be Nature's holy plan,

And much it grieved my heart to think Have I not reason to lament

What man has made of man. What man has made of man?

Through primrose tufts, in that green bower,

The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;

And 'tis my faith that every flower

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 With passions wild and strong;

And list’ning to their witching voice

Has often led me wrong.

Where human weakness has come short,

Or frailty stept aside,

Do Thou, All-Good-for such Thou art—

A Prayer in the Prospect of Death by Robert Burns In shades of darkness hide.

O THOU unknown, Almighty Cause Where with intention I have err’d,

Of all my hope and fear! No other plea I have,

In whose dread presence, ere an hour, But, Thou art good; and Goodness still

Perhaps I must appear! Delighteth to forgive.

If I have wander’d in those paths

Of life I ought to shun,

As something, loudly, in my breast,

Remonstrates I have done;

Thou know’st that Thou hast formed me

57 58
 Humor
Winter Morning Poem

Winter is the king of showmen

Turning tree stumps into snow men

And houses into birthday cakes

And spreading sugar over lakes

Smooth and clean and frosty white

Chemistry test - Probably apocryphal
The world looks good enough to bite
The following is an actual question given on a University of
That's the season to be young
Washington chemistry mid term examination paper. The answer was
Catching snowflakes on your tongue
so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is
Snow is snowy when it's snowing
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
I'm sorry it's slushy when it's going
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
-- Ogden Nash
(absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs

using Boyle's Law, which is that "gas cools off when it expands and

heats up when it is compressed" or some variant. One student,

however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass

of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls

are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we

can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

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Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering be true, and thus 1 am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not

Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world freeze. The student received the only A.

today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of

their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of

these religions and since people do not belong to more than one

religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and

death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell

to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of

the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the

temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of

Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: If

Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter

Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until

all Hell breaks loose. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster

than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and

pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we

accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my

freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep

with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not

succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then option 2 cannot

61 62
"It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one

minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an 3 Blind (drunk) Mice

additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month."

-- anonymous

Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough

they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with

mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing

on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with

Art Linkletter that, he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take

Art asked a little girl how she helped her mother. those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the

She said, "I help her make toast for breakfast." fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.

He said, "Tell us what you do." The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.

She said, "Well, you take a piece of bread and you put it in a kind of "Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.

machine there. Of course, I'm not big enough to flush it."

The third mouse stops and replies: "I'm going home to shag the cat."

63 64
 St Peter's Quiz

A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die in a plane crash and go up

True politicial story to Heaven's gates together.

When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who says:

Supposedly G.B. Shaw once sent Winston Churchill some tickets for "Sorry, it's crowded up here, you need to answer a question

the first night of one of his plays. correctly, or else you can't get in."

He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the

Churchill then sent Shaw a telegram to the effect: "Cannot come famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?"

first night. Will come second night if you have one." "Oh, that's easy," the teacher replies, "the Titanic."

So St. Peter lets her into Heaven.

Shaw promptly replied: "Here are two tickets for the second night. Next he turns to the petty thief.

Bring a friend if you have one." "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asks.

"Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and I think it was 1,500."

St. Peter steps away and the thief walks into Heaven.

Finally, St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says: "Name them.”

65 66
Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut

afterwards. Q: What is the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

(Benjamin Franklin) A: About 2.3lbs, including the urn.

y wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a

(Rodney Dangerfield) word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither

wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of

mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary, his wife tells him:

'You'd better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which

goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.' The next day, she finds, on the

road, a bathroom scale.

67 68
 a joke

A young married couple is to soon celebrate their 12th year

A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned anniversary.

the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young The wife asks him, "Take me some place I've never been.”

woman. So he took her to the kitchen!

The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in

her back.

The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had

happened to the woman.

The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got

her!" A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,

but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock

boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy answered, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

69 70
 From Erma Bombeck

Art Linkletter

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

Linkletter recalls interviewing a little girl:

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I

“I said, ‘What’s the most fun you have at your house?’ ‘I get to would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used

wake up my little brother; I take the cat down, open the door and everything you gave me.”

throw the cat in.’

“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs

“I asked, ‘How is that funny?’ during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who

would give up lunch for sex.”

‘He sleeps with the dog.’”

71 72
Two bachelors talking:

A salesman is passing a farm house and sees a sign. ”Talking dog for

The first: “I want a smart woman, a beautiful woman, and a woman sale.”

that will just be good to me!” Stopping he asks “Can your dog really talk?”

The farmer answers “He’s tied out back …ask him yourself!”

The second: “Choose one! Cause ya can't have all three.” The salesman walks behind the farmhouse finds a tethered black

Labrador and asks,

“Can you speak?”

George Carlin Quotes “Yes since I was a pup!” The dog answers.

The salesman, “Wow! How many people know you can hear and

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up speak English?”

on the roof and gets stuck.” The dog, “Lots! I just retired from the CIA after serving years as a

spy in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, and China.”

” I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the The salesman to the farmer, “I want that dog how much?”

self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the The farmer, “Ten dollars!”

purpose.” The salesman, “$10…why so cheap?”

The farmer, “Because he’s a big liar!”

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

73 74
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they

had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past

five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in

four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal

accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the

crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of the 50 states the last

words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"

Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia and Arkansas were

different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold

my beer and watch this!".

75 76
 --------------------------
Excerpts from church bulletins
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

nursery downstairs.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
…………………………
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
the help they can get.
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
--------------------------
husbands.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
--------------------------
Music will follow..
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
………………………..
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
doesn't care much about you.
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
……………
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
--------------------------
several new members and to the deterioration of some older
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
ones.
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

77 78
-------------------------- …………………………………….

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please use the back door.

………………………………. --------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the

-------------------------- Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving attend this tragedy.

obvious pleasure to the congregation. --------------------------

-------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance..

nursery downstairs. --------------------------

…………………… The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.

--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

nursery downstairs.

79 80
Husband to a friend… ”My wife says I do not listen to her…..at Something from Art Linkletter

least that’s what I think she said!"

Art: “What’s your name?”

Small child “Alex Fountainbleu!”

The mother of a young boy comes home from the hospital with Art: “What kind of name is that?”

triplets. He looks into the basenetts and excitedly calls to his Small child “French!”

mother.

“Quick call everyone we know right away….these will be much Art: “What is your father?”

harder to give away them those kittens.” Small child “Part Scotch, part English and Irish!”

Art: “What ‘s your mother?”

Small child “Swedish!”

Art: “What does that make you?”

Small child “I’m Spanish!”

81 82
 A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

Just as the graveside service had ended, there was a tremendous

burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a

rumbling thunder. trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of

bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to

The little old widower looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the

she's there." largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his

face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on

the ground. I then yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the carp out of

all of you!'"

St. Peter was impressed. He leafed through the great book he held.

"When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago. .

83 84
 8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been

bothered by very close veins.

More Shool excuses

1. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had

Actual Shool excuses diarrhea and his boots leak.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. 2. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please execute him. 3. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday,

shot. we thought it was Sunday.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 4. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend

30, 31, 32, and also 33. her funeral.

4. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 5. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell and could not breed well.

out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his 7. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

face. 8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He

was hurt in the growing part.

85 86
 "Drink it," the hillbilly ordered, waving the gun. The hitchhiker took

Hillbilly jokes a swallow from the bottle, gasped, gulped, sobbed, blinked, wept,

gagged, choked, shuddered, squirmed, and twitched.

Q: What's the difference between a hillbilly wedding and a hillbilly "All right," the hillbilly said. "Now you take the gun and force me to

funeral? take a drink."

A: There's one less drunk at the funeral.

Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of a bathtub?

A: Throw in a bar of soap. During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the

street. Immediately a croud gathered and began offering

Q: How do you tell the bride at a hillbilly wedding? suggestions.

A: She's wearing the cleanest shirt. "Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said.

"Give him some air," a man cried out.

A hillbilly sent an advertisement to the newspaper that read, "Give him some whiskey," she cried again.

"Farmer, age 36, wishes to become acquainted with woman around Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up

30 who owns a tractor. Please send a picture of the tractor." and hollered, "Will all of you shut and listen to the old woman."

A hitchhiker in the hills of Tennessee was picked up by a hillbilly

who pulled a gun on him and ordered him to take a bottle of corn

moonshine from the glove compartment of the car.

87 88
 Some classified adds

For sale—an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large

drawers.

"A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to

test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the For sale—a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair,

video, your dog is smarter than you." - Jay Leno rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

A father asked his young daughter what she would like for Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take

Christmas. She said that what she wanted more than anything else home, too.

was a baby brother.

And that Christmas Eve her mother came home from hospital Free puppies—part German shepherd, part stupid dog.

clutching a baby boy.

The following year, the father again asked his daughter what she Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

would like for Christmas.

"Well," she replied, "if it's not too uncomfortable for Mommy, I'd like A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by

a pony." waitresses in appetizing forms.

89 90
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Georgia peaches. California grown, 89 cents per pound.

Found—dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward.

Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.

Bill's septic cleaning. We haul American-made products.

German shepherd, 85 lbs., neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Open house. Body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and donuts.

Whirlpool built-in oven—frost-free.

Joining nudist colony. Must sell washer and dryer, $300.

Star Wars Job of the Hut, $15.

Lost cat. Last seen at the Park County Rod & Gun Club shooting range.

Tickle Me Elmo. New in box. Hardly tickled, $700.

Main Street Pizza: We deliver, or pick up.

1988 Toyota Hunchback, $2,000.

Nordic track, $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby.

Free one can of pork and beans with purchase of three bedroom, two bath

Exercise equipment: queen size mattress and box springs, $175. home.

Tickle me Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 mustang, 5L, auto, American flag, 60 stars. Pole included, $100.

excellent condition—$6,800.

91 92
Amana washer, $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.

Tombstone humor

Here lies Barnard Lightfoot

Humor in Marriage Who was accidentally killed

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that in the 45th year of his age.

perhaps they're too old to do it. - Ann Bancroft

This monument was erected

Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is by his grateful family.

talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. - Bill Cosby ~~

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. -

Rita Rudner Sacred to the memory of

Major James Brush

Royal Artillery, who was killed

93 94
by the accidental discharge of

a pistol by his orderly,

14th April 1831.

"Well done, good and faithful servant."

On a brewer: Botany I - Some Wrong Answers

G. Winch, the brewer, lies buried here. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes

In life he was both hale and stout. them perspire.

Death brought him to his bitter bier. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Now in heaven he hops about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot

……………

What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy?

A rash of good luck.

95 96
 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow

Some George Carlin that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys

deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? cleaners depressed?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,

does he become disoriented? More george

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from

Holland called Holes? “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person “Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long

who drives a race car not called a racist? period of time.”

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

97 98
“Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we

need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick

one another.” joke

Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a

seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher

found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American

What did you expect it to contain? Trout history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me death?"

She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who

If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pay s had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.

better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or "Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the people, by

tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?"

around saying, "Do you want fries with that? Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba,

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the butt who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."

heade. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half- As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a

soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread, loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."

cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-'n'-Low, and one "Who said that?" she demanded.

NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge horse’s ass. Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.

99 100
 At midnight on New Year’s Eve, it’s customary in Spain to quickly

eat 12 grapes—one at each stroke of the clock. Each grape

supposedly signifies good luck for one month of the coming year.
Q. What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a

chimney ?

A. Santa Claustrophobia !

Wearing clothes with circular patterns is believed to attract money

in the future to those in the Philippines. Polka dots are not only

accepted, but highly encouraged on the first day of the year.

Q. What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?

A. Elk-a-seltzer!

In Denmark, the locals throw old dishes at the doors of friend’s

homes for good luck. Finding a big pile of broken dishes on the
Q. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the
morning of January 1 means you have friends.
ordinary alphabet?

A. The Christmas alphabet has No _el.

101 102
 Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are

BLIND?

Tax poem

-- Ogden Nash Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get

"Abracadabra, thus we learn the more you create, the less you earn. an automatic extension."

The less you earn, the more you're given, the less you lead, the

more you're driven,

The more destroyed, the more they feed, the more you pay, the

more they need, It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but

The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to normally cash is required."

I pray the Lord my soul to take, if the tax-collector hasn't got it

before I wake."

103 104
 Throw marinade and critter pieces into plastic trash bag and

marinade around 2 to 3 days in the refrigerator.

Take out marinated critter pieces and throw on the grill on low

heat. Cook until rare to medium rare. Do not overcook, critter will

dry out.

And no one likes their critter dry.

Serve with lots of beer.

Trailer Park Groundhog:

“Take gun (.22 cal is good). Load with bullets and accurately fire at

head [we're assuming the groundhog's head, not your own].

Skin groundhog and gut him. Clean out carcass with waterhose.

Cut critter into quarters.

Make up a big batch of your favorite marinade (make sure it has oil

and vinegar to help tenderize the groundhog).

105 106
Irish

An Irish Mother’s Letter

A Poem from the Past

Dear Son,
All things bright and beautiful,All creatures great and small,All
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing
things wise and wonderful:The Lord God made them all.From Hymns
this slowly because I know that you can’t read very fast. You won’t
for Little Children by Cecil F. Alexander written at Markree Castle,
know the house when you come home. We’ve moved. About your
Collooney, Co.
father, he has got a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him. He

cuts grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this

morning. I haven’t found out yet if it’s a boy or a girl, so I don’t

know if your an aunt or an uncle. I went to the doctors on Thursday

and your father came with me. The doctor put a small tube in my

mouth and told me not to talk for 10 minutes. Your father offered

to buy it from him. Your uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of

Irish whiskey at the Dublin brewery. Some of his workmates tried to

107 108
save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it

took 3 days to put the fire out. It only rained twice this week, first

for 3 days and then for 4 days. We had a letter from the

undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother’s plot

wasn’t paid in 7 days, up she comes.

Your loving Mother, An Irish toast for Father's Day

P.S. I was going to send you 5 pounds, but I have already sealed the

envelope. May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous wife!

Irish Saying

"You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her

sooner than she thought you would."

109 110
 The Gaelic name for Ireland that translates into English as the Land

Irish Pessimism of the Eternal Youth or the Land of the Ever-Young.

"There’s nothing so bad that it couldn’t be worse."

From a headstone in Ireland

"We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, English."

Love leaves a memory no one can steal. - Winston Churchill

111 112
An Irish Prayer A letter home from an Irish son

"May God give you... "Mother, father, brother,

For every storm, a rainbow, All is well with me

For every tear, a smile, and I write to remind you if

For every care, a promise, ever your homebound hearts

And a blessing in each trial. envy my youthfully spontaneous

For every problem life sends, longitudinal disparity, Keep in mind

A faithful friend to share, this path of mine has cut not across

For every sigh, a sweet song, a place so fine as the stead

And an answer for each prayer." where you now pass the time.

There's no place like home

Amen! Love-EV"

113 114
 Irish Proverb

Irish Wish

"If you want praise, die. If you want blame, marry."

These things I wish for you.

Someone to love

Some work to do,

A bit of sun,

A bit of cheer,

And a guardian angel Turn of the century Gaelic grave inscription

always near.

gus aM bris an là agus an teiCh na sgailean

-- Anonymous

meaning "until day breaks and the shadows flee"

115 116
 Then doun the stair an line the watterside

Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie The drummie is polisht, the

drummie is braw

51st ( Highland ) Division's Farewell To Sicily Words: Hamish He cannae be seen for his wabbin ava

Henderson / Music: James Robertson He's beezed himsell up for a photie an aa

Lyric as sung by Dick Gaughan The pipie is dozie, the pipie is fey Tae leave wi his Lola, his dearie Fareweill ye banks o Sicily

He wullnae come roun for his vino the day Fare ye weill ye sheilin an haa

The sky owre Messina is unco an gray We'll aa mind shebeens an bothies

An aa the bricht chaumers are eerie Fareweill ye banks o Sicily Whaur kind signorinas were cheerie

Fare ye weill ye valley an shaw Fareweill ye banks o Sicily

There's nae Jock will murn the kyles o ye Fare ye weill ye sheilin an haa

Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie We'll aa mind shebeens an bothies

[Puir bliddy swaddies are wearie] Whaur Jock made a date wi his dearie Then tune the pipes an drub

Fareweill ye banks o Sicily the tenor drum

Fare ye weill ye valley an shaw Leave yer kit this side o the waa

There's nae hame can smour the wiles o ye Then tune the pipes an drub the tenor drum

Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie Puir bluidy swaddies are wearie

[Puir bliddy swaddies are wearie] Then doun the stair an line the [Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie]

watterside

Wait yer turn the ferry's awa

117 118
 A famous Irish Fairy: Aoibheal

old Irish riddle

Irish fairies are as old as the land itself. Fairies are the children of

Washed my face in water the goddess Diana or the Tuatha Dé Danann. Fairies live among the

That was never rained or run people within hills known as Fairy Mounds. Every mound or kingdom

I dried it with a towel has a king and a queen. One particular mound north of Munster is

That was neither wove nor spun believed to be ruled by the beautiful Queen Aoibheal. The legend

tells that, Aoibheal foretold the outcome of a disastrous battle at

ans: Wash in the dew then dry in the sun! Clontarf.

119 120
 The chief cannibal asks the third missionary, “Where is your home?"

The third missionary answers, "Ireland!"

The chief orders, "Get out of here!"

The English missionary asks, "Why did you let the Irishman go?"

The chief answers, "The last Irishman to go into the stew ate all the

potatoes."

joke

Three missionaries are set to be cooked in a stew by Cannibals.

The chief cannibal asks the first missionary, “Where is your home?"

The first missionary answers, "England!"

The chief orders, "Into the stew!"

The chief cannibal asks the second missionary, “Where is your

home?"

The second missionary answers, "Scotland!"

The chief orders, "Into the stew!"

121 122
Irish Goblins

They are war-goddesses or battle-furies. All are malignant beings,

delighting in battle and slaughter. They are a class of phantoms

that sometimes appear before battles bent on mischief. At any From TIME Magazine: Monday, Jun. 03, 1935

battle the war-furies would shriek and howl with delight both in the

midst of the carnage and far off in a lonely haunt. Over West Virginia back country roads, made muddy by weeks of

rain, ploughed a train of automobiles one day last week bearing 49

Catholic priests and Bishop John Joseph Swint of Wheeling. The

party drew up before the small churchyard at Sand Fork. Forming in

procession, the men of God marched into the church. There Bishop

Swint solemnly handed purple robes, a purple biretta and a white

lace cotta (surplice) to a wrinkled-faced, white-haired old priest

named Thomas Aquinas Quirk whom Pope Pius XI had elected to

invest with the title Monsignor.

123 124
This honorary officership in the army of the Church Militant was 65

years in coming to Father Quirk. Born in Ireland 91 years ago, he

fought in the U. S. Civil War, became a priest in 1870, is supposed Important Irish Fairies

to have twice renounced his rights to an earldom. Alert old Father

Quirk has ministered for half a century to three mountain parishes The name Lepracaunis from the Irish leith brog. The Lepracaun

15 miles apart. Devoted to his collie "Shep," his blackened pipe, his makes shoes continually, and has grown very rich.

comfortable Congress gaiters and his crushed black hat, he refused

until last year to accept an automobile from his flock, preferring to The Cluricaun, (Clobhair-ceann, makes himself drunk in gentlemen's

ride from parish to parish on a sturdy grey horse. Once, said he, his cellars.

eye for horseflesh caused him to stop to admire a number of mounts

tethered in Huntington. One of the horse-owners asked the way to a The Far Darrig (fear dearg], which means the Red Man, for he wears

bank. That man, said Father Quirk, turned out to be Jesse James. a red cap and coat, busies himself with practical joking.

He robbed the bank.

The Fear-Gorta (Man of Hunger) is an emaciated phantom that goes

through the land in famine time, begging an alms and bringing good

luck to the giver.

The Dallahan, or headless phanto...seen in the street on dark

nights.

125 126
 represented poetry and wisdom, and of the later saint who helped

to spread Christianity throughout Ireland, but was also the name of

Early Irish Law an Irish lawgiver, Brigid Brethra, or Brigid of the Judgments, who

lived about the time of Christ. It is this Brigid who is responsible for

Early Irish Law" was often, although not universally, referred to granting the right to women to inherit the land from their fathers in

within the law texts as "Fenechas", the law of the Feni, or the the absence of sons.

freemen of Ireland. They are also referred to as "Brehon Law". The

word "Brehon" is a derivation of breitheamh the Irish word for a

judge. Comment; This Briget was probably responsible for the marriage law

applied in Teltown, County Meath

The laws were a civil rather than a criminal code. These laws are of

great antiquity.

Under Brehon Law women were equal to men with regard to

education and property. Woman stood emancipated from the

remotest time. Women in ancient Ireland were often eligible for the

professions, and for rank and fame. They were druidesses, poets,

physicians, sages, and lawgivers.

Bridget was not only the name of the ancient Irish goddess who

127 128
 over all its members.

The general impression from all sources of evidence designates the

Celtic aristocratic society as being tall, physically powerful men and

women with fair or reddish hair, grey-blue eyes, light skins, oval

faces, and fresh complexions.

Facts about the early Celts The Celts were a very clean people, using soap long before the

Romans did. The Celtic men and women of Britain sometimes wore

The name Celt originated with the ancient Greeks, who called the swirling blue tattoos or paintings on their bodies.

barbarian peoples of central Europe Keltoi. The Celts were a broad

cultural-linguistic group. The Celts were never an empire ruled by

one government.

Celtic society there was not a rigid class system imposed by birth.

Clann is a Gaelic word that means children. A clan is a family,

descended from some notable individual, often bearing his name.

The currant clan chief, who is the prime descendant of the founder,

is nominally the father of the whole clan, having moral authority

129 130
 an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but

Oi'll have to get some help."

As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick!

D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?

Joke

Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick

O'Reilly wandered by.

"Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"

Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the

strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."

Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to

no avail.

After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure,

131 132
 Irish Joke

Irish Jokes A cop pulls up Barty and Joey-Jim, both the worse for drink, and

says to the first,

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight among

themselves, is because that way, they're always assured of having a "What's your name and address?"

worthy opponent.

"I'm Barty O'Day, of no fixed address."

Q. “Well, Mike,” said the doctor. “I can’t quite diagnose your case.

I think it must be the drink.” The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question.

A. “Sure, that’s all right, doctor,” said Mike. “I know how you feel.

I’ll come back when you’re sober.” "I'm Joey-Jim O'Flaherty, and I live in the flat above Barty."

Q. Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?

A. One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old

bulb was.

133 134
 Will bless the house and all

How grand it feels to click your heels

And join in the fun of the jigs and reels

I'm handing you no blarney

Christmas In Killarney The likes you've never known

Is Christmas in Killarney

The holly green, the ivy green With all of the folks at home

The prettiest picture you've ever seen

Is Christmas in Killarney

With all of the folks at home

It's nice, you know, to kiss your beau

While cuddling under the mistletoe

And Santa Claus you know, of course

Is one of the boys from home

The door is always open

The neighbors pay a call

And Father John before he's gone

135 136
An Irish Prayer

Joke

May God give you... Father O'Malley answers the parish phone.

For every storm, a rainbow, “Is this Father O'Malley speaking?"

For every tear, a smile, "That I am!"

For every care, a promise, "This is the Mr. Johnson of the IRS. Can you help us?"

And a blessing in each trial. "That I can!"

For every problem life sends, "Do you know a Sean Houlihan?"

A faithful friend to share, "That I do!"

For every sigh, a sweet song, "Is he a member of your congregation . . . er . . . parish?"

And an answer for each prayer "That he is!"

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"That he will!"

137 138
“May your days be many and your troubles be few. May all God's It has been said of Sir Boyle Roche, MP (1743-1807) for Tralee, Co. Kerry),

blessings descend upon you. May peace be within you may your that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. On one occasion he told

heart be strong. May you find what you're seeking wherever you his audience that "the cup of Ireland's misery has been overflowing for

roam.” centuries and is not yet half full." Joining that remarkable cup is this

--Irish Blessing spectacularly mixed metaphor, also by Roche: "All along the untrodden

paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand."

Notice in a Co. Down field ....

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started. "TRESPASSERS PROSECUTED - PLEASE SHUT THE GATE"

Brendan Behan

Sign on an Irish gate:

“Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it. “Heard from The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges.

an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot.

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.

Definition of an 'Irish fact':

That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear.

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Marriage is the same."

139 140
--Oscar Wilde

"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage

is the triumph of hope over experience."

-- Oscar Wilde Irish on general topics

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.

Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste Brendan Behan

Faith, an' more's the pity.

For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste, “Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it. “Heard from

She was chased all the way through the city. an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot.

Anonymous Irish verse, circa 1790

Definition of an 'Irish fact':

That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear.

141 142
Irish on Politics

It has been said of Sir Boyle Roche, MP (1743-1807) for Tralee, Co. Kerry), Irish on the farm

that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. On one occasion he told Notice in a Co. Down field ....

his audience that "the cup of Ireland's misery has been overflowing for "TRESPASSERS PROSECUTED - PLEASE SHUT THE GATE"

centuries and is not yet half full." Joining that remarkable cup is this

spectacularly mixed metaphor, also by Roche: "All along the untrodden Sign on an Irish gate:

paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand." The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges.

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.

143 144
 Irish Curse

The Irish on marriage May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Marriage is the same." you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you

--Oscar Wilde with a telescope.

"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage

is the triumph of hope over experience."

-- Oscar Wilde

Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste

Faith, an' more's the pity.

For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste,

She was chased all the way through the city.

Anonymous Irish verse, circa 1790

145 146
Quotes

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Tombstones:
Keep in the sunlight."

GOOD FREND FOR JESUS SAKE FORBEARE TO

Benjamin Franklin
DIGG THE DUST ENCLOASED HEARE.

BLEST BE YE MAN YT SPARES THES STONES AND

CURST BE HE YT MOVES MY BONES

--William Shakespeare

"He is richest who is content with the least, for contentment is the
I had a lover's quarrel with the world.
wealth of nature."
-- Robert Frost
Socrates

Joannes Paulus PP. II

May 1920 – 2 April 2005

"Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness
--Pope John Paul II
dwells in the soul."

Democritus

147 148
 "The firm, the enduring, the simple, and the modest are near to

virtue."

Confuc.

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to

that person, a beautiful thing."

Dancing

Mother Teresa

"When you do dance, I wish you

A wave o' th' sea, that you might ever do

Nothing but that."

"There are no short cuts to any place worth going." Shakespeare ...The Winter's Tale

Beverly Sills

149 150
 Proverb

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't

matter." “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where

the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to

Mark Twain let us know they are happy.”

-- Eskimo

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you

get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. "Political correctness is tyranny with manners."

-- Socrates -- Charlton Heston

151 152
A wise man :

“For every wise man there is one still wiser.”

~ Turkish Proverb See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little.

“There is not one wise man in twenty that will praise himself.” ~Pope John XXIII

~ William Shakespeare

“A fool despises good counsel, but a wise man takes it to heart.” Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped.

~ Confucius ~African Proverb

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch

that never hurts.

~Charles Dickens

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It

is that we should have a new soul”

- - G. K. Chesterton

153 154
“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors,

and let each new year find you a better man. “ The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

-- Benjamin Franklin

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

“New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of

course, those tests come back positive.” He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

-- Jay Leno

Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail.

“The lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact” ~Proverb

~ Shakespeare

One kind word can warm three winter months.

“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, ~Japanese Proverb

the pig likes it.”

-- George Bernard Shaw

155 156
“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the "The income tax has made more liars out of the American people

season of the harvest.” than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you

The Talmud don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr."

-- Will Rogers

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an

invincible summer. If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get

~Albert Camus ahead -- if you strike oil."

-- J. Paul Getty

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes

. . ." “Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in

-- Mark Twain nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to

convictions of honor and good sense.”

-- Winston Churchill

157 158
 “And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your

“The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense.” years.”

-- Pablo Picasso ~Abraham Lincoln

“Money buys everything but good sense”

--Yiddish Proverb “You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying

there.”

~~Edwin Louis Cole

“You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all

your art of war.”

-- Napoleon Bonaparte

Saying thank you:

“The painful warrior famous for fight, After a thousand victories, once foil'd, “I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.”

Is from the books of honor razed quite, And all the rest forgot for which he William Shakespeare

toil'd”

~~William Shakespeare

159 160
 Love and Faith
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that

gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

G.K. Chesterton
"Woman is made to be wooed. She is not made to woo!"

Shakespeare.
“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other

virtues.”

Cicero

summer contemplation
…………….

golden sunrays casting long shadows on the ground,

come back tomorrow,

I will kiss you with golden ray of my heart,

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
your dance is beautiful,
- Ogden Nash
you make things spin,

all minutes matter,

how greatful am I for You.

161 162
 A warning label needed

The worth of a spouse

"No sooner met but they looked;

Is not held in pounds Sterling, No sooner looked but they loved;

Is not scaled in earthly stores, No sooner loved but they sighed;

Is not ledgered in labor saved. No sooner signed but they asked one another the reason;

No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy;

Is a welcomed caress, And in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage."

Is a healing word,

Is faithfulness that does not wane. William Shakespeare, As Your Like It

jpR

163 164
 I am the patient gardener

Briefly It Enters, and Briefly It Speaks of the dry and weedy garden...

by Jane Kenyon I am the stone step,

the latch, and the working hinge...

I am blossom pressed in a book, I am the heart contracted by joy...

found again after two hundred years... the longest hair, white

before the rest...

I am the maker, the lover, and the keeper...

I am there in the basket of fruit

When the young girl who starves presented to the widow...

sits down to a table

she will sit beside me... I am the musk rose opening

unattended, the fern on the boggy summit...

I am the food on the prisoner's plate...

I am the one whose love

I am water rushing to the wellhead, overcomes you, already with you

filling the pitcher until it spills... when you think to call my name...

165 166
 FULL MOON PRAYER

"We thank the Moon and the stars,

who give us their light when the Sun retires....

why hope We thank the Great Spirit, incarnation of all kindness,

who directs all things for the good of Its children."

"Oft expectation fails, and most oft there

Where most it promises; and oft it hits — - an Iroquois prayer

Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits."

- - Shakespeare

167 168
 GO.

"There are things that we should tell them"

Go out on the wide open waters

There's things that we should tell them. of your union,

We who have dared to sail the wild seas of matrimony with the winds of love behind you

and lived to tell the tale. and your future

ahead.

Things about hard work and honesty,

Kindness and respect. GO.

Things about ups and downs and every-days,

forgiveness, forebearance, Sail.

the virtue of patience.

Your ship is stong.

But look at them. Your sails are full.

These two who stand before us

are splendid in their happiness And we, your community,

and beautiful with love. to bear witness to

your marriage vow,

There's something we should tell them.

169 170
We give you our blessing.

We pledge our support,

We offer our love, and

We tell you,

Les Enfants

GO.

We take care of our children,

Sail. We do not possess them,

They do not belong to us,

Live. They belong to God.

And cherish each other,

--Bonnie

Always.

~~ Kathy on her daughter’s wedding day

171 172
 Wedding Soons

Wedding dresses need wedding presses,

The Serenity Prayer Wedding soups for wedding troops,

Wedding bakes raise wedding cakes,

God grant me the Serenity Wedding fancies place wedding dances,

to accept the things Wedding wines at wedding times,

I cannot change, Wedding hums bring wedding sums,

Courage to change the things I can, Wedding tunes fortell wedding soons.

And Wisdom to know the difference.

Bride to groom,

In celebration,

Begin together,

A long life in good health, and with many beautiful children!

jpR

173 174
Given In Marriage Unto Thee Eskimo Love Song

Given in marriage unto thee, You are my husband, you are my wife

Oh, thou celestial host! My feet shall run because of you

Bride of the Father and the Son, My feet dance because of you

Bride of the Holy Ghost! My heart shall beat because of you

Other betrothal shall dissolve, My eyes see because of you

Wedlock of will decay; My mind thinks because of you

Only the keeper of this seal And I shall love, because of you.

Conquers mortality.

-- Emily Dickinson

175 176
Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

admit impediments. Love is not love Nicodema's presence

which alters when it alteration finds,

or bends with the remover to remove: In our youth we are told to listen to the little voice of our guarding

Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark. angel that tells us right from wrong. Recently I learned of the belief

That looks on tempests and is never shaken; that if one asks this angel with God's permission, they may inform

it is the star to every wandering bark, one of their name.

whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks For three nights a while back I so asked. During the third night's

within his bending sickle's compass come; sleep, I dreamt of my eighth grate teacher at SAS, Sr Nicodema,

love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, PCJ. So my angel's name is had.

but bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved, So I charge Nicodema with help getting me up on time as well.

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

-- Wm Shakespeare

177 178
Guardian Angels It is well with my soul

Many angels are believed to be guardians over children through out When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

their lives. Angels are also regarded as the conductors of the souls When sorrows like sea billows roll;

of the dead to the next world. Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

-- Horatio G. Spafford

179 180
Dad

“A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his prayer to the guardian angel

hands are empty. “

~Author Unknown Angel of God,

my guardian dear,

“Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name.” to whom God's love commits me here,

~William Wordsworth ever this day,

be at my side

“Love and fear. Everything the father of a family says must inspire to light and guard,

one or the other. “ to rule and guide.

~Joseph Joubert Amen!

“The greatest gift I ever hadCame from God; I call him Dad!”

~Author Unknown

181 182
Joy Prayers

Joy and happiness are not the same. The one does not place the “We, ignorant of ourselves, beg often our own harms, which the

other. wise powers deny us for our good; so find we profit by losing of our

prayers.”

Happiness is had and dispelled by circumstance. It vacillates as does -- William Shakespeare

the weather’s foretell. The try to be happy may drive one to the

extremity as with the collection of spouses in multiple marriages.

Joy transcends the material, the temporal. It cannot be purchased.

It is immune to situation. Insult dims not joy’s presence in our core. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the

strong.”

Joy is a gift! It is not purchasable but it may be found. The way to it -- Mahatma Gandhi

is best shown with the view of another whose soul is joyous.

183 184
 and she penetrates and pervades all things by reason of her purity.

For she is an aura of the might of God

and a pure effusion of the glory of the Almighty;

therefore nought that is sullied enters into her.

For she is the refulgence of eternal light,

the spotless mirror of the power of God,

the image of his goodness.

Wisdom And she, who is one, can do all things,

and renews everything while herself perduring;

"In Wisdom is a spirit And passing into holy souls from age to age,

intelligent, holy, unique, she produces friends of God and prophets.

Manifold, subtle, agile, For there is nought God loves, be it not one who dwells with

clear, unstained, certain, Wisdom.

Not baneful, loving the good, keen, For she is fairer than the sun

unhampered, beneficent, kindly, and surpasses every constellation of the stars.

Firm, secure, tranquil, Compared to light, she takes precedence;

all-powerful, all-seeing, for that, indeed, night supplants,

And pervading all spirits, but wickedness prevails not over Wisdom."

though they be intelligent, pure and very subtle. -- Scrpiture

For Wisdom is mobile beyond all motion,

185 186
Hope is a waking dream.

-- Aristotle

“When there are monsters there are miracles.”

-- Ogden Nash

How to get a Miracle!

“I prefer you to make mistakes in kindness than work miracles in

1. Start with the simplest necessity … ASK FOR IT! unkindness.”

2. Be persistent - Keep asking! -- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

3. Miracles and Faith go hand in hand.

“Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we “Out of difficulties grow miracles.”

know about nature.” -- Jean de la Bruyere

-- St. Augustine

187 188
 "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.

"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'

"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.

"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New

York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by

editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except

Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not

newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether

languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours

stamps. man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the

boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable

of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound

189 190
and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the

would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest

dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry,

faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the

We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all

eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

extinguished.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand

You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of

on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see childhood.

Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees

Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The

most real things in the world are those that neither children nor

men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of

course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can

conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and

unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise

191 192
 Prayer is not an old woman's idle amusement. Properly understood

and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

"Short prayers reach heaven."

-- Proverb Prayer moves the hand that moves the universe.

-- Unknown Source

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though

everything depended on you.

-- Saint Augustine

Bow, stubborn knees!

-- William Shakespeare

193 194
 "It is the ashes in our lives that permit a greater love to come."

When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers. -- Fr. John Corapi

-- Oscar Wilde

“Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless,

All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother. I remember winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind.”

my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have ~~Shakespeare

clung to me all my life.

-- Abraham Lincoln “When arguing with a stone an egg is always wrong”

~ African Proverb

"If you ask in My Father's name all things will be granted should they “Women cannot receive even the most palpably judicious suggestion

glorify Him." without arguing it, that is, married women.”

-- The Bible ~ Mark Twain

Comment: Include peace and reconciliation.

195 196
It’s not how much you fight, but how you fight and how you resolve your

differences. Lasting marriages aren’t marriages where nobody ever fights,

but marriages where couples have agreed to resolve their conflicts in specific “Heaven means to be one with God.”

ways. ~ Confucius

The Magic Ratio of 5 to 1. Gottman discovered he could predicate marital “Heaven liveth at the feet of mothers”

success based on the ratio of good to bad interactions between a couple. ~ Muhammad

Successful marriages needed at least 5 positive interactions for each negative “If the Lord should bring a wicked man to heaven, heaven would be hell to

one. The more volatile the marriage, the more positive interactions were him; for he who loves not grace upon earth will never love it in heaven”

needed. And when the negative emotions outweighed the positive, the ~Christopher Love

marriage was headed for failure.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

What are the negative emotions? Criticism and contempt, defensiveness and ~ Winston Churchill

withdrawal, loneliness and isolation. You’ll notice “anger” is not listed. This

is because only when anger accompanies the negative emotions above, is it

destructive.

197 198
 Picture the private grace of man and wife

Land Love We stood here in the coupledom of us. In its white poise, its sleepy portraitures. Night is its Dog Star, its

I showed her this – a pool of leaping trout, eyelet of grief

Split-second saints drawn in a rippled nimbus. We heard the night- A high, lit echo of the starry sheaves.

boys in the fir trees shout. A puff of hedge-dust loosens in the leaves.

Dusk was an insect-hovered still water, Such love that lingers on the fields of life! DOUGLAS DUNN (1983)

The calling of lost children, stars coming out. With all the feelings

of a widower

Who does not live there now, I dream my place.

I go by the soft paths, alone with her. Dusk is a listening, a

whispered grace

Voiced on a bank, a time that is all ears

For the snapped twig, the strange wind on your face. She waits at

the door of the hemisphere

In her harvest dress, in the remote

Local August that is everywhere and here. What rustles in the

leaves, if it is not

What I asked for, an opening of doors

To a half-heard religious anecdote? Monogamous swans on the

darkened mirrors

199 200
 And when I looked to the moon it had turned gold.

Blue Moon Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone,

The next will occur in 2028. Without a dream in my heart,

Tonight we will experience the first Blue Moon since 199 Without a love of my own.

And then there suddenly appeared before me

Blue Moon The only one my arms will ever hold

Heard somebody whisper please adore me

Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone, and when I looked the moon had turned to gold.

Without a dream in my heart,

Without a love of my own. Blue Moon

Now I'm no longer alone

Blue Moon, you knew just what I was there for, Without a dream in my heart,

You heard me saying a prayer for, Without a love of my own.

Someone I could care for

-Rodgers and Hart, 1934

And then there suddenly appeared before me,

Someone my arms could really hold,

I heard you whisper, "Darling please adore me,"

201 202
 but In My Lonely Hours,

yes, Those Precious Lonely Hours,

jesus Lets Me Know That I Was His Own

i Thank God For The Mountains,

and I Thank Him For The Valleys,

i Thank Him For The Storms He Brought Me Through.

for If I'd Never Had A Problem,

Through it all i Wouldn't Know God Could Solve Them,

i'd Never Know What Faith In God Could Do

i've Had Many Tears And Sorrows,

i've Had Questions For Tomorrow, --Andrea Crouch

there's Been Times I Didn't Know Right From Wrong.

but In Every Situation,

god Gave Me Blessed Consulation,

that My Trials Come To Only Make Me Strong.

i've Been To Lots Of Places,

i've Seen A Lot Of Faces,

there's Been Times I Felt So All Alone.

203 204
"Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be

made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider the

most wretched sort of life as paradise."

~ Adolf Hitler

Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

~ William Shakespeare…The Tempest I ASK good things that I detest,

With speeches fair;

Heed not, I pray Thee, Lord, my breast,

But hear my prayer.

I say ill things I would not say -

Things unaware:

Regard my breast, Lord, in Thy day,

And not my prayer.

205 206
My heart is evil in Thy sight:

My good thoughts flee:

O Lord, I cannot wish aright -

Wish Thou for me.

O bend my words and acts to Thee,

However ill, “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He

That I, whate'er I say or be, didn't trust me so much.”

May serve Thee still.

“ God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try”

O let my thoughts abide in Thee

Lest I should fall: “ Peace begins with a smile.”

Show me Thyself in all I see,

Thou Lord of all. --Mother Teresa of Calcutta

207 208
 High and lifted up

Jesus, Son of God.

The darling of Heaven, crucified...

Worthy is the Lamb.

Worthy Is The Lamb lyrics: --Darlene Zschech

Thank you for the cross, Lord.

Thank you for the price you paid.

Bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came

And gave Amazing Grace.

Thank you for this love, Lord.

Thank you for the nail-pierced hands.

Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know...

Your forgiveness and embrace.

Worthy is the Lamb

seated on the throne.

We crown You now with many crowns

You reign victorious!

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“Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German,

and the cooks are English.”

~ Author Unknown

5 to 1 rule in marriage

It’s not how much you fight, but how you fight and how you resolve your

differences. Lasting marriages aren’t marriages where nobody ever fights,

but marriages where couples have agreed to resolve their conflicts in specific

ways.

The Magic Ratio of 5 to 1. Gottman discovered he could predicate marital

success based on the ratio of good to bad interactions between a couple.

Successful marriages needed at least 5 positive interactions for each negative

one. The more volatile the marriage, the more positive interactions were

needed. And when the negative emotions outweighed the positive, the

marriage was headed for failure.

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What are the negative emotions? Criticism and contempt, defensiveness and

withdrawal, loneliness and isolation. You’ll notice “anger” is not listed. This

is because only when anger accompanies the negative emotions above, is it

destructive.

Easter quotes

"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and

hallelujah is our song."

~ Pope John Paul II

"And he departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there

find Him. For He departed, and behold, He is here."

~ St. Augustine, Confessions

……

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 The Family Prayer

"And Shepherds we shall be

Morning Prayer

For thee, my Lord, for thee.

Now another day is breaking,

Sleep was sweet and so is waking. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand

Dear Lord, I promised you last night

Never again to sulk or fight. Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.

Such vows are easier to keep

When a child is sound asleep. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee

Today, O Lord, for your dear sake,

I'll try to keep them when awake. And teeming with souls shall it ever be.

--Ogden Nash

In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

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 “Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.”

-- Robert Frost

“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is

love. “

-- Sophocles “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. “

-- Aristotle

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. “ “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No

-- William Shakespeare man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have

been married a quarter of a century. “

--Mark Twain

“There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people

who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their

enemies and delighting their friends.”

-- Homer

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 “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it”

“Friendship is constant in all other things --Confucius

Save in the office and affairs of love:

Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues; “An unjust peace is better than a just war.”

Let every eye negotiate for itself -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

And trust no agent. “

-- William Shakespeare

"Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings

peace."

--Buddha

“Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is the beauty of men.”

--Chinese Proverb

"When my heart is at peace, the world is at peace."

--Chinese Proverb

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"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your “Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do

family." not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your

--Mother Teresa whole world seems upset. “

--St. Francis de Sales

“Beauty is ten, nine of which is dressing.”

--Proverb “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even

touched, they must be felt with the heart”

“There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people --Helen Keller

who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their

enemies and delighting their friends.” “A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love

-- Homer her. “

-- Oscar Wilde

“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No

man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not

been married a quarter of a century. “ something physical.”

--Mark Twain --Sophia Loren

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“The more you sweat in peacetime, the less you bleed during war.”

--Chinese Proverb

Prayer:

After Prayers, Lie Cold

The greatest prayer is patience”

--Buddha Arise my body, my small body, we have striven

Enough, and He is merciful; we are forgiven.

“Prayers go up and blessings come down” Arise small body, puppet-like and pale, and go,

--Yiddish Proverb White as the bed-clothes into bed, and cold as snow,

Undress with small, cold fingers and put out the light,

“It is in vain to expect our prayers to be heard, if we do not strive as well as And be alone, hush'd mortal, in the sacred night…

pray.” -- C. S. Lewis

--Aesop

“Ultimately prayer becomes a dialogue with Heaven.”

--jpr

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