Iron Hawking (Preview)

By
Case Blackwell

email:
woodsinthebear@gmail.com
website:
woodsinthebear.com
EXT. MIT LECTURE HALL. DAY.
Aerial shot of an MIT Lecture Hall.
SEXY FEMALE TA
(whisper shout)
Mr. Hawking... Excuse me...
Hawking!

INT. MIT LECTURE HALL. DAY

Stephen Hawking, in sunglasses, sits in his wheelchair in

front of a classroom overflowing with sexy female students.
A super babe sitting on Hawking’s lap makes out with his
motionless face. A few stern looking old guys in suits are
scattered amongst the audience.

SEXY FEMALE TA
Stephen!
STEPHEN HAWKING
(good old Hawking computer
voice)
Sorry babe. Anatomy lesson is over.
Sexy female TA, siting in the front row, leans towards
Hawking, showing off her cleavage.

SEXY FEMALE TA
Everyone is waiting...
The sexy female students suck on pens and stroke text books
seductively.

STEPHEN HAWKING
I’ve been asked here today to
lecture on the creation of the Iron
Hawking suit. Well, you want the
secret to my success? I’m afraid
you can’t have it. But I did you
all a big favor. The sexiest, most
brilliant man on the planet is now
a one man wrecking machine. Any of
you girls got question, come sit on
daddy’s lap.

The suits look horrified. Chatter and chest heaving breaks

out amongst the sexy female students. Sexy Female TA rolls
her eyes and smiles. 80s rock kicks in.
PARAMOUNT LOGO. MARVEL LOGO.
 2.

INT. MILITARY CARGO PLANE. NIGHT.

80s rock continues. Sexy Female TA and Stephen Hawking stand
in front of an open cargo plane door, mid flight. Stephen
Hawking sits in a red and yellow, decked out wheel chair.
Sexy TA is holding a helmet.

STEPHEN HAWKING
Give me a smooch sugar thing. I
might not make it back.

Sexy TA rolls her eyes and smiles. She smooches the helmet
before clunking it on Hawking’s cocked head and shoving him,
super wheelchair and all, out the plane.

EXT. SKIES OF LA. NIGHT.

Stephen Hawking plummets towards the earth, flipping around

in the air.
STEPHEN HAWKING
(emotionless robot voice)
Woo hoo. Wooooooooooo.
Rockets blast out of the bottom of Hawking’s wheelchair. He
zooms around for a bit.

INT. STADIUM. NIGHT.

Stephen Hawking, in helmet, falls from the sky and slams
down mid stage. A huge crowd is assembled. Strobing lights
are everywhere. Hot chicks dance around red wheelchairs in
the background. Pyro goes off.

STEPHEN HAWKING
Iron Hawking in the house, bitches.
The crowd goes wild.

INT. EVIL BASEMENT LAB. NIGHT.

Hawking’s stadium party plays on TV as Ivan DeValk, an evil
Russian scientist with Cerebral Palsy, clunks around his lab
on crutches. On his wall is a stalkery collection of Stephen
Hawking magazine and newspaper clippings. DeValk has a
little trouble with vowels.
IVAN DEVALK
You come from a family of research
biologist and thieves. And now like
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

IVAN DEVALK (cont’d)

all theoretical physicists, you
attempt to rewrite your own theses.
Ivan awkwardly slams a hammer on metal things and struggles
to hold a blowtorch steady.
IVAN DEVALK
You forget your own contradictory
theories on black hole behavior.

QUICK CUTS FADES IN AND OUT OF THE FOLLOWING AS DEVALK

SPEAKS: HAWKING WHEELING THROUGH A PRISON HALL. SPARKS
REFLECTED IN DEVALK’S WORK GOGGLES. MORE BABES SITTING IN
HAWKING’S LAP AT A POOL PARTY. HAWKING TRAINING IN A BOXING
RING. HAWKING AT A RACETRACK IN A ROCKET WHEELCHAIR. DON
CHEADLE IN AN IRON LUNG. A BABE IN A BIKINI BATTLING GUARDS.
MORE OF DEVALK IN THE LAB. CLOSE UP OF THE BABES DANCING
AROUND WHEELCHAIRS.
IVAN DEVALK
There will be thermal radiation in
the black body spectrum. And the
electromagnetic radiation will be
inversely proportional to the black
hole’s mass.

EXT. RACE TRACK. DAY.

Hawking, in a racer helmet, shoots down a racetrack in his
rocket wheelchair. DeValk, now with electrically charged
crutches, ambles down the racetrack blasting out electric
streams whenever a crutch touches the ground. Hawking
approaches DeValk at rapid speed. In slow mo, DeValk pokes
Hawking’s rocket wheelchair with one of his crutches,
causing Hawking to go cartwheeling, rocket wheelchair and
all, into the air. Sexy TA looks shocked in the stands.
Hawking lays on the ground, big cut on his head. DeValk jabs
his electro-crutches into the ground menacingly. Fade out.

INT. PRISON. DAY.

Fade in on DeValk, in close up, laughing. Fade out.

INT. LAB. DAY.

Fade in Hawking from rear, in helmet, slowly turning his
chair toward the camera. Fade out.
 4.

EXT. CITY STREET. DAY.

Fade in on Hawking zooming past a city street. He’s being
chased by insurgents with rocket packs. The insurgents fire
rockets that blow up cars, trees, flowers, puppies, baby
carriages, etc. Hawking zooms away. Fade out.

INT. MILITARY BASE. DAY.

Fade in on Hawking rolling up to Don Cheadle who is still in

an Iron Lung.
DON CHEADLE IN AN IRON LUNG
This whole lone gunslinger act is
unnecessary. If only that IED
hadn’t put me in this iron lung.
STEPHEN HAWKING
Iron you say.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DAY.

Rocket pack insurgents land around Hawking and Don Cheadle,
(now in a slick black and gray iron lung). Hawking and
Cheadle’s helmet face plates dramatically shoot down in
quick succession.
CUT TO IRON MAN TITLE SCREEN AND BADASS GUITAR WAIL. CUT
BACK TO BATTLE.
STEPHEN HAWKING
Get some.
Cheadle and Hawking lay into the insurgents with
automated machine guns and lasers that are attached to
their wheelchair/iron lung. Cheadle and Hawking themselves
are motionless. Gore from the slain insurgents splatters
everywhere.
COMING SOON TITLE SCREEN. FADE OUT.

INT. HAWKING’S BOXING ROOM. DAY.

Fade in on a sexy redhead climbing into the ring with
Hawking and Sexy TA.
STEPHEN HAWKING
I want one.
Sexy TA rolls her eyes.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.

STEPHEN HAWKING
As in I want her as a toy. More
specifically, I want her as toy for
my penis. I want her on my penis,
like a toy for my penis, cause she
looks like a fun thing to put on my
penis. That’s what I meant by the I
want one comment, just so there’s
no confusion.
Sexy TA rolls her eyes even harder.

STEPHEN HAWKING
Sorry, sometimes the computer makes
it difficult to register
non-explicit shovenism.

Sexy TA smiles.
HARD ELECTRIC GUITAR STRUM. SUMMER 2011 TITLE CARD.
END