Introduction

There are chapters in every life

which are seldom read and
certainly not aloud.
—CAROL SHIELDS,
Pulitzer Prize–winning novelist

One moment—that’s all it takes for your entire world to

split apart. For me, that moment came when I was fourteen.
I returned home from school to discover that my hardwork-
ing immigrant parents had been taken away. In one irre-
versible instant—in the space of a single breath—life as I’d

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 1 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 known it was forever altered. That’s the part of my story I’ve shared. This
book is the rest of it.
Deported. Long before I fully understood what that word meant, I’d
learned to dread it. With every ring of my family’s doorbell, with every
police car passing on the street, a horrifying possibility hung in the air:
My parents might one day be sent back to Colombia. That fear permeated
every part of my childhood. Day after day, year after year, my mom and
dad tried desperately to become American citizens and keep our family
together. They pleaded. They planned. They prayed. They turned to others
for help. And in the end, none of their efforts were enough to keep them
here in the country we love.
My story is heartbreakingly common. There are more than eleven
million undocumented immigrants in America, and every day an average of
seventeen children are placed in state care after their parents are detained
and deported, according to US Immigration and Customs Enforcement
(ICE). Those numbers don’t take into account the scores of others who,
like me, simply fell through the bureaucratic cracks. After my parents
were snatched away, no government official checked up on me. No one
seemed to care or even notice that I was on my own.
It’s not easy for me to be so open about what happened in my family,
especially after spending so many years hiding in the shadows. I’ve really
struggled with putting my business out there. So why am I choosing to
reveal so much now? Because on that afternoon when I came home to an
empty house, I felt like the only child who’d ever dealt with something so
overwhelming. And in the agonizing years that followed, it would’ve meant
everything for me to know that someone, somewhere had survived what I
was going through. For the thousands of nameless children who feel as
forgotten as I did—this memoir is my gift to you. It’s as much for your
healing as it is for my own.
Just as one moment can bring despair, it can also lead to a power ful
new beginning. A different life. A dream for moving onward and upward
rather than backward. What you’ll read in these pages is ultimately about
that hope—the same desire that once led my family to this nation. That
hope is the only thing that has sustained me through this frightening
ordeal.

2 DIANE GUERRERO

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 2 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 These days, we’re surrounded by a lot of talk about immigration
reform. Border security. A path to citizenship for the millions of undocu-
mented workers who live among us. Behind every one of the headlines, there
is a family. A mother and father. An innocent child. A real-life story that’s
both deeply painful and rarely told. At last, I’ve found the courage to tell you
mine.

IN THE COUNTRY WE LOVE 3

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 3 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 Real fresh as a freshman in high school.

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 4 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 CHAPTER 1

The Silver Key

Every doorway,
every intersection has a story.
—KATHERINE DUNN, novelist

Spring 2001—in the Roxbury section of Boston

My mom was making me late—and I hated to be late.

Especially for a school I loved. And most especially when I
was preparing for my first solo. It was a big deal for a fresh-
man to land a solo. Huge, actually. In fact, even getting into
Boston Arts Academy had been a miracle. It was my ticket
out of the hood.

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 5 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 “Diane, come eat your breakfast,” my mother called from the kitchen.
“I gotta go!” I yelled, because—let’s face it—like many fourteen-year-
olds, I had ’tude.
“You’ve got another second,” my mother said, following me down the
hall. “You need to eat something.”
“No, I don’t have another second,” I snapped. “Why do you always do
this to me?” Then, before she could say another word or even hug me good-
bye— slam!—I stormed out the door and off to the train.
It was nice out, around seventy degrees. After a freezing winter, the
weather was finally improving—and so, it seemed, was my family’s luck.
The day before, my dad had won the lotto. Not a crazy amount of money,
mind you—a few thousand bucks—but for us, it was the jackpot. And on
top of that, the love was flowing again in our house. My four-year-old niece,
who’d been away from our family since my older brother, Eric, and his
wife had separated, was back to spending time at our place. I saw it as a
sign that things were looking up. That better times were coming.
As I dashed onto campus, I looked at my watch. Three minutes until
the bell. Even before eight a.m., the place was buzzing. Do you remember
Fame, that eighties TV series about a performing arts high school in
New York City? Well, going to BAA felt like stepping onto the set of that
show. In one room, there’d be all these kids dancing around and going
berserk. Next door, another group would be belting out songs or creating
art on the walls. The energy was insane, particularly right before
Springfest—the one night our parents got to see us perform. It was one
of the most special nights of the year. And my number—a love song duet
called “The Last Night of the World” from Miss Saigon—was part of the
finale.
Right on time but a bit out of breath, I rounded the corner into human-
ities class. That’s how our day was set up: First, we had our academic
subjects like math and science, and then came the afternoon courses I
lived for—theater, art, music. And because Springfest was only three
weeks away, I’d also started staying late to squeeze in some extra practice
time. I didn’t want my solo just to be good. I wanted it to be absolutely
perfect.
The morning dragged by. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Noon. And with each

6 DIANE GUERRERO

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 6 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 hour that passed, I felt more and more weird. Not Twilight Zone weird,
but more like that pit in the stomach you get when something is unsettled.
I figured it was because of how I’d treated my mom; I knew I needed to
apologize. Then again, I wouldn’t actually say I was sorry. To avoid that
awkwardness, I’d cry a little to show her how much I loved her and hadn’t
meant to be such a dick.
At last, the school day was over—which meant rehearsal time. When
I got to the music room, a big studio, my teacher, Mr. Stewart, was already
there. So was Damien—the sweet black kid with a ’fro and glasses who
was the other half of my duet.
“You need to warm up?” Mr. Stewart asked me. As usual, he was
wearing a tie, a dress shirt, and that big grin we all knew him for. He
was seated at the piano.
“I’m cool,” I said. I stashed my backpack in a chair and quickly took
my place near Damien. Mr. Stewart spread out his music sheets, rested
his fingers on the keys, and played the ballad’s opening notes. Damien’s
part was first.
“ ‘In a place that won’t let us feel,’ ” he sang softly, “ ‘in a life where
nothing seems real, I have found you . . . I have found you.’ ”
Next was my verse. “ ‘In a world that’s moving too fast,’ ” I chimed in
a little off-key, “ ‘in a world where nothing can last, I will hold you . . .’ ”
Mr. Stewart stopped playing. “You sure you’re okay, Diane?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I’m fine, I guess,” I told him. “Just rusty.”
Crap. I’d been practicing this song in my bedroom mirror for days; I
knew it up and down. But for some reason, it wasn’t coming out right.
Probably nerves.
“Let’s try it again,” Mr. Stewart said.
I stood up tall and cleared my throat. The music began. As my part
approached, I closed my eyes so I could concentrate.
“ ‘In a world that’s moving too fast,’ ” I sang, “ ‘in a world where noth-
ing can last, I will hold you . . . I will hold you.’ ”
I opened my eyelids long enough to see the teacher nod. Exhale. All
year, I’d been trying to figure out whether this music thing was for me.
Whether I could really make it as a singer. And thanks to Mr. Stewart, I
was starting to believe I had a shot. He’d taken me under his wing and

IN THE COUNTRY WE LOVE 7

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 7 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 was helping me find my sound. My voice. My place. I couldn’t wait for my
family to come and hear me.
On the way home, I stopped at Foot Locker. After my papi’s Powerball
win, he’d proudly given me a crisp fifty-dollar bill. “Buy yourself some-
thing nice, sweetheart,” he told me. “Anything you want.” I’d decided to
splurge on sneakers, this cute pair of classic Adidas shell-toes. I’d had my
eye on them for weeks; I thought I was Run–D.M.C.
They were fresh as hell (yeah, I was living in a ’90s dream). “Aren’t
these hot?” I said to my friend Martha, this shy girl from my neighbor-
hood who happened to be in the store that day. She smiled, showing off a
mouthful of braces. “You can wear them out of the store if you want,” the
clerk said. “I’ll wrap up your other pair.” Moments later, I handed over
my cash, stuffed my old tennis shoes in my bag, and headed off to the
T—the Orange Line. That was at five thirty.
At six fifteen, the train pulled into the Stony Brook station. I strolled
across the platform, the whole time staring down at my Adidas. So dope.
Outside, the sun was setting a bit. I knew my parents would be wondering
what time I’d get home. I decided to stop and call.
I spotted a pay phone—yes, pay phones were still a thing—and
walked toward it. I removed a quarter from the back pocket of my jeans,
pushed in the coin, and dialed. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. “You’ve reached
Maria, Hector, and Diane,” said my mother’s voice on the machine. “We’re
not here right now. Please leave us a message.” Beep.
One of my parents was always home by this time. Always. And nei-
ther of them had mentioned having plans. Where could they be? With my
hands trembling, I searched my pockets for a second quarter. Empty. I
threw off my pack, unzipped the back compartment, and swept my fore-
finger along the bottom edge. Bingo. I forced the coin into the slot and
pressed hard on each digit. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Again—no answer.
All at once, I swung on my pack and jetted. I’d run these three blocks
to our house dozens of times; I knew the route in my sleep. Let them be
home, I prayed with every step. God, please— let them be there. The faster
I sprinted, the slower I seemed to be moving. One block. One and a half.
Two blocks. A girl on her scooter called out, “Hey, Diane!” but I was way

8 DIANE GUERRERO

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 8 3/10/16 1:46 PM

 too out of breath to even answer her. My right shoelace came undone. I
didn’t stop to retie it.
When I made it onto our street, I saw my dad’s Toyota station wagon
in the driveway. Relief. They didn’t hear the phone, I reassured myself.
They’ve gotta be here. I rushed up to our porch and pulled out my set of
keys, riffling through them until I got to the silver one. I slid it into the
dead bolt, held my breath, and tried to brace myself for what I’d find
beyond that door. I still can’t believe what I found.

IN THE COUNTRY WE LOVE 9

020-64195_ch01_6P.indd 9 3/10/16 1:46 PM