Q:

How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?

A:
Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
"But - it is sad that it is so, not complicated, but not at all straight forward
"
Husse Aug 5 2007
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we
are not the person involved.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Be very careful with what you do with IP-tables - it's extremely hard to get ri
ght - I've tried to set rules in a router with IP-tables - small wonder the thin
g did not fly out of the window"
Jul 7 2007
"It seems to be not only in Vista creative is "a bit" problematic"
Husse Jul 10 2007
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
"And yes - I'm a bit omnipresent
This is my hobby"
Husse Sept 24 2007
You are fairminded, just and loving.
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not
original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
"And vesa is at best "not terrible"
Husse Apr 5 2007
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use
in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
"I'm not at all sure this helps you, but as you say there is nothing to be found
about the problem except in czech and my attempt att "babelfishing" failed mise
rably"
Husse Jul 30 2007
"That brings me to a black screen with just a cursor - cursing my bad luck"
Husse Apr 3 2007
If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
Q:
What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?
A:
You can't get down off an elephant.
October 12, the Discovery.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss
it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"No - I definitely do not try to start a war"
Husse Jul 29 2007
You will be surrounded by luxury.

Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.

Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
"An annoying mishap you have"
Husse May 6 2007
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
-- Mark Twain
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
"Please don't crosspost and don't post in a subforum that's completely irrelevan
t to your question"
Husse Jul 27 2007
Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm
as intelligent as ever.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
"Besides hdparm is a dangerous toy.."
Husse Apr 6 2007
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug
than an old bird of paradise.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"This is a situation where you can't be sure what's doing what...."
Husse Aug 31 2007
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive.
-- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion"
Q:
What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
A:
The impossible dream.
Q:
How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A:
33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet,
Are of imagination all compact...
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you
have few friends.
"You don't have to post twice (no crossposting) we read and answer all we have a
n answer to"
Husse Jul 21 2007
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
-- George Gobel

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;

And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting. I shall fall,
Like a bright exhalation in the evening
And no man see me more.
-- Shakespeare
Q:
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A:
Unique up on it!
Q:
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A:
The tame way!
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.
"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What
is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark
squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the
little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling
them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored,
glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic.
-- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
"Have you managed to complete the install?
Maybe my old eyes but I can't figure it out from your post."
Husse Mar 24 2007
You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will
be sold.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
Do not overtax your powers.
He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream too.
-- Lewis Carroll
The time is right to make new friends.
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
thing he tells you.
Don't worry. Life's too long.
-- Vincent Sardi, Jr.
Q:
What do little WASPs want to be when they grow up?
A:
The very best person they can possibly be.
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a
creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely
a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably the
bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.
Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact
that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth
to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the
very lap of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more
afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by
an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam
as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add the flea--and
put him at the head of the procession.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely

the most important.

-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is
oblivion.
-- Mark Twain
"And your problem is?"
Husse Aug 25 2007
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not
advice, it is merely custom.
-- Mark Twain
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
Accent on helpful side of your nature. Drain the moat.
Q:
What is the difference between a duck?
A:
One leg is both the same.
You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the
department of transportation.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13
A:
Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy
Q:
Who were the Democratic presidential candidates?
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
"The Ubuntu developers have gone to great lengths to make sudo as smooth as poss
ible in the GUI environment, and they've done a very good job. By re-enabling th
e root user and even logging in as root, you literally throw their work out the
window, take your safety belt off and drive head-on into traffic. Yes, it is a b
it insane.."
Husse Mar 20 2007
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
Q:
Why do WASPs play golf ?
A:
So they can dress like pimps.
You fill a much-needed gap.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
Q:
How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being
done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
"You are a bit ambigous."
Husse Jul 17 2007
"The commands you saw in the post I split this from are not supposed to be used,
unless you really want to get into trouble"
Husse Jul 5 2007
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
"Good afternoon, madam. How may I help you?"
"Good afternoon. I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."
"A--? Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady. I
mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I
say they have a right to. But I think... I might... Let's have a look
down here. I might have just the thing for you. Yes, here we are!
Look at that, isn't it neat? Now that is a FrintArms product as well,
but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call
them. Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't

spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a
tonne of iron around with you. We do a range of matching accessories,
including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster. Wish I
got to do the fitting for that! Ha -- just my little joke. And
there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,
charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster
with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your
next battery. Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free
lessons at your local gun club or range. Or there's the *special*
presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*
charged batteries and a night-sight, too. Here, feel that -- don't
worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat? Feel how light it is?
Smooth, see? No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*
beautifully balanced. And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's
no recoil. Because it's shooting light, you see? Beautiful gun,
beautiful gun; my wife has one. Really. That's not a line, she
really has. Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free
charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special
offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for
one-forty-nine."
"I'll take the special."
"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice. Now, do--?"
"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three
six-five AP/wire-fl'echettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a
Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding
rounds, not the signalers. I assume the night-sight on this toy is
compatible?"
"Aah... yes, And how does madam wish to pay?"
She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."
-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"
Do not overtax your powers.
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
-- Samuel Beckett
Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
"Why make it simple when it is possible to make it complicated"
Husse March 2 2007
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working
when he's staring out the window.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion
that makes horse-races.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Knucklehead:
"Knock, knock"
Pee Wee:
"Who's there?"
Knucklehead:
"Little ol' lady."
Pee Wee:
"Liddle ol' lady who?"

Knucklehead:
"I didn't know you could yodel"
"(I could explain it in more a more geekish language but...)"
Husse May 18 2007
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
"One of the few drawbacks with FF I know of is that it is a bit hungry for memor
y, and when it's eaten enough it gets indigestion....."
Husse Oct 13
"You may have to add other esoteric combinations of letters to get Beryl working
and so on..."
Husse Jul 15 2007
Q:
Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A:
To impress Jodie Foster.
Many pages make a thick book.
AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE!
FEAR! FIRE! FOES!
AWAKE! AWAKE!
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
Q:
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
"You have a really ugly menu.lst"
Husse Sept 29 2007
For courage mounteth with occasion.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is
nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference
between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain
"If you still do not find it it's not there"
Husse Oct 18 2007
"I have a vague memory of a solution for you - just have to find it first"
Husse Oct 10 2007
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain
"I don't mean to be rude - but what are you saying?"
Husse Oct 1 2007
There was a phone call for you.
Do what comes naturally. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.

Lady Luck brings added income today. Lady friend takes it away tonight.
"Now, I did not want to be rude to anyone, but when the solution would be found
if you still could use the "I am lucky" option in Google....."
Husse Apr 7 2007
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the
difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if
you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
You are going to have a new love affair.
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
"In KDE it's kate
and
please try to find something out by yourself"
Husse Sept 1 2007
You will be surrounded by luxury.
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
"What do you mean with disappear - it's completely closed down or disappeared fr
om the panel or..."
Husse Sept 16 2007
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
"You are definitely not ridiculed! Your keyboard is"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of
24 hours.
-- Mark Twain, on New England weather
Stay away from flying saucers today.
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
Lady Luck brings added income today. Lady friend takes it away tonight.
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
"In KDE it's kate
and
please try to find something out by yourself"
Husse Sept 1 2007
I'll burn my books.
-- Christopher Marlowe
"This may be one of the cases when one should use the heavy artillery (have to f

ind the solution in linux again)"

Husse Sept 15 2007
Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Never reveal your best argument.
The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of
the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at
her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic
Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my
steel through your last meal!'
-- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
You will never know hunger.
Long life is in store for you.
Q:
What is orange and goes "click, click?"
A:
A ball point carrot.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
"That's an impressive piece of laptop"
Husse Sept 12 2007
Q:
What do you call a blind, deaf-mute, quadraplegic Virginian?
A:
Trustworthy.
We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was
also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a
French restaurant. [...]
I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk
white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her
boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, "You ride the
bull, senor. You do not fight it." But he was lean and tough like a bad
rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished
there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...]
"Stop the car," the girl said.
There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the
woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an
arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.
"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway
belle's for thee."
The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.
Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey
onto my granola and faced a new day.
-- Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway
Competition
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!
-- Charles Dickens
Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)
-- by Margaret Mitchell
A woman only likes men she can't have and the South gets trashed.
Gift of the Magi LITE(tm)

-- by O. Henry
A husband and wife forget to register their gift preferences.
The Old Man and the Sea LITE(tm)
-- by Ernest Hemingway
An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck.
You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
You will gain money by an immoral action.
Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
thing he tells you.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
"Please give a moments thought to what you do!"
Husse Aug 3 2007
"If you still have a problem I have to think hard - no good for the brain"
Husse May 14 2007
"I'll see if I have the time to guide you into that - I have a life and a wife a
nd a job"
Husse Aug 28 2007
Q:
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
Q:
Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
A:
It wasn't IBM compatible.
Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Make a wish, it might come true.
"This is really interesting if you are a nerd like me...."
Husse Jul 4 2007
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "Kind John"
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug
than an old bird of paradise.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Maybe not all versions of nvidia settings behave gracefully?"
Husse Apr 22 2007
"Never thought the space i "Program Files" would be a problem in Linux"
Husse Apr 9 2007
Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

"What ever you do - never install windows after linux - the mbr is completely ov
er written"
Husse Sept 23 2007
You enjoy the company of other people.
Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-- Mark Twain
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Patch griefs with proverbs.
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
Q:
How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
Are you sure the back door is locked?
He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream too.
-- Lewis Carroll
Q:
What's buried in Grant's tomb?
A:
A corpse.
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
"I have waited to answer in the hope someone else would."
Husse Jul 31 2007
Q:
How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
One and a half.
"Easy to forget the beginning of a thread"
Husse May 20 2007
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old
Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred
thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is
something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of
conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
"You've broken one important rule Never install Windows after you install some o
ther operating system!
Microsoft don't give a damn about what else is on the disk"
Husse Dec 2 2007
"it takes time to find a solution and if you find that another application does
the job you've solved the problem with less effort"
Husse Nov 23 2007
"Right now I'm really confused as to whether it's the 1405 or the 1505 that's gi
ving all the problems...."
Husse Jul 6 2007
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.

You will never know hunger.

"Unfortunately the partitioner in the install is a bit "grumpy"
It is, as far as I know safe, but does not always let you do what you want"
Husse Sept 18 2007
Q:
What do monsters eat?
A:
Things.
Q:
What do monsters drink?
A:
Coke. (Because Things go better with Coke.)
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
You will inherit millions of dollars.
"No - I don't believe it to be wrong - I know it's wrong"
Husse Jul 3 2007
Q:
Why do the police always travel in threes?
A:
One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps
an eye on the two intellectuals.
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What
is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark
squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the
little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling
them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored,
glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic.
-- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
Buy the negatives at any price.
You will inherit millions of dollars.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
-- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to powerfail recovery.]
Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining
ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror
to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the
mid-fork of the Feather River before the completion of the Oroville Dam
in 1959.
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain
We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the
bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems
almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the
oyster.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.

Q:
A:

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

Q:
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A:
The tame way!
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
-- Mark Twain
Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-- Mark Twain
In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and
struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny
and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the
crunch he was all courage. Those novels would make you retch.
-- Canadian novelist Robertson Davies, on the generic Canadian
novel.
Q:
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:
To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits:
freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What is green and lives in the ocean?
A:
Moby Pickle.
"Moderation is only to be done by someone who is trusted to do it :)"
Husse Sept 13 2009
Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
Q:
How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
Q:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:
To see his friend Gregory peck.
Q:
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A:
To get to the other slide.
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
Is this really happening?
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Your present plans will be successful.
"I don't want to spend all my time tied to the computer - my wife needs some att
ention too"
Husse Oct 14 2007
Never give an inch!
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner
The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up

It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a

tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up
Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.
Q:
Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A:
Lawn Boy.
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
"I'm trying to understand the mysteries of wireless myself at the moment."
Husse Apr 7 2007
"Everything working?
That's a relief"
Husse May 24 2007
"/Edited stupid typo/husse/"
Husse Nov 21 2007
"Sorry - but this is nonsense and I can't even think of what it means..."
Husse Oct 7 2007
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
"But I use my left hand to handle the mouse, even though I'm "normally" right ha
nded, so my hands kollide"
Husse Mar 25 2007
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
"Can be your internet connection
Or that the nice boys from Southpark are playing with you"
Husse Jul 3 2007
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace-I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-- Justin Richardson.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
"Check the homepage for a .deb package.
It seems you've got to "make install", something I could do only if I could hold
someones hand, uncle Google will do"

Husse Apr 9 2007

Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human.
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
You're at the end of the road again.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a
creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely
a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably the
bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.
Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact
that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth
to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the
very lap of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more
afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by
an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam
as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add the flea--and
put him at the head of the procession.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"You have a really ugly menu.lst"
Husse Sept 29 2007
Q:
What is purple and conquered the world?
A:
Alexander the Grape.
"Unfortunately the partitioner in the install is a bit "grumpy"
It is, as far as I know safe, but does not always let you do what you want"
Husse Sept 18 2007
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
"We'll do even more than let you know if you ask stupid questions - we'll (try t
o) answer them"
Husse Jun 4 2007
Q:
What is green and lives in the ocean?
A:
Moby Pickle.
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
Q:
What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C
is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A:
A deep C diva.
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
Q:
What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A:
A nervous wreck.
"Sometimes ignorance hits you"
Husse Mar 24 2007
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
"Damn - still to much Windows in me"
Husse Apr 26 2007
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
-- J.P. Donleavy
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
"There is a wiki on iptables http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iptables
and don't mess around with iptables - it's really tricky"

Husse Mar 15 2007

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
"There is a tutorial about it , but oddly I don't find it now"
Husse Oct 21 2007
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
"You've passed the big hurdle - to get wifi working."
Husse May 12 2007
Q:
Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A:
Because he was hungry.
"We're lucky to have a distro that tells you which device is which UUID."
Husse Jun 4 2007
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
You're at the end of the road again.
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?"
"The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as --"
"My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice.
"I was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'"
-- A. Conan Doyle, "The Valley of Fear"
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working
when he's staring out the window.
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.
-- Mark Twain
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
-- Shakespeare
Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until
drops of blood form on your forehead.
-- Gene Fowler
Questionable day.
Ask somebody something.
"It is complicated - believe me"
Husse Jul 24 2007
Fine day for friends.
So-so day for you.
"You have a really ugly menu.lst"
Husse Sept 29 2007
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
"I answered a similar question a few days ago (I'm not implying you should have
searched better)"
Husse Jun 8 2007

Everything will be just tickety-boo

You are farsighted, a good planner,
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse
Q:
What do you call 15 blondes
A:
A dope ring.

today.
an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
at a slower rate.
in a circle?

Q:
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A:
To cover up the valve stem.
Q:
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
"Yes there is a lot of people doing a great job out there."
Husse Jul 15 2007
Today is the last day of your life so far.
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
"That brings me to a black screen with just a cursor - cursing my bad luck"
Husse Apr 3 2007
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
-- Mark Twain
People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
You will have a long and boring life.
"What's happened to you is a bit of the backside of Linux."
Husse Apr 14 2007
Q:
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A:
Unique up on it!
Q:
A:
Q:
A:

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way!
How did you get into artificial intelligence?
Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.