Text 16402

Do not overtax your powers.
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4
A:
Go west, young man, go west!
Q:
What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more
deadly in the long run.
-- Mark Twain
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
You look tired.
You fill a much-needed gap.
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
"No I don't go to the IM channel any more - I found it disturbing to keep an eye
on it"
Husse Jul 4 2007
"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Q:
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A:
Because it was on the other side.
A:
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Q:
What was the greatest achievement in taxidermy?
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
"Good afternoon, madam. How may I help you?"
"Good afternoon. I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."
"A--? Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady. I
mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I
say they have a right to. But I think... I might... Let's have a look
down here. I might have just the thing for you. Yes, here we are!
Look at that, isn't it neat? Now that is a FrintArms product as well,
but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call
them. Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't
spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a
tonne of iron around with you. We do a range of matching accessories,
including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster. Wish I
got to do the fitting for that! Ha -- just my little joke. And
there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,
charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster
with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your
next battery. Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free
lessons at your local gun club or range. Or there's the *special*
presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*
charged batteries and a night-sight, too. Here, feel that -- don't
worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat? Feel how light it is?
Smooth, see? No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*
beautifully balanced. And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's
no recoil. Because it's shooting light, you see? Beautiful gun,
beautiful gun; my wife has one. Really. That's not a line, she
really has. Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free
charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special
offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for
one-forty-nine."
"I'll take the special."
"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice. Now, do--?"
"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three
six-five AP/wire-fl'echettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a
Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding
rounds, not the signalers. I assume the night-sight on this toy is
compatible?"
"Aah... yes, And how does madam wish to pay?"
She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."
-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"
What is orange and goes "click, click?"
A ball point carrot.
A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
"Sorry, I underestimated your need for help"
Q:
A:
Husse Jun 30 2007

There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
-- Dylan Thomas
"I'm sorry but I don't have a clue....."
Husse Jun23 2007
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
-- Shakespeare
Many pages make a thick book.
"In KDE it's kate
and
please try to find something out by yourself"
Husse Sept 1 2007
Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is
particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself,
to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands
shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit
me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

-- Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting
to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author
-- Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
-- Mark Twain
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard III"
How apt the poor are to be proud.
-- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
"This is the kind of hassle you can get into when you install an OS be it Window
s or Linux (I could give you some sad stories about installing Windows)"
Husse Sept 18 2007
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely
the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
"You can't expect an imediate response, and sometimes you don't get a response a
t all - no one knows the answer."
Husse Apr 9 2007
Sheriff Chameleotoptor sighed with an air of weary sadness, and then
turned to Doppelgutt and said 'The Senator must really have been on a
bender this time -- he left a party in Cleveland, Ohio, at 11:30 last
night, and they found his car this morning in the smokestack of a British
aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we
are not the person involved.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"No I don't go to the IM channel any more - I found it disturbing to keep an eye
on it"
Husse Jul 4 2007
What happened last night can happen again.
A:
The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
Q:
Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
"Be very careful with what you do with IP-tables - it's extremely hard to get ri
ght - I've tried to set rules in a router with IP-tables - small wonder the thin
g did not fly out of the window"
Jul 7 2007
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Q:
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. We'll fix it in software.
Q:
A:
How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The application can work around it.
Q:
A:
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We'll document it in the manual.
Q:
How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. The user can figure it out.
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything.
Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!
-- Charles Dickens
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens
A man in love with a girl who loves another man who looks just
like him has his head chopped off in France because of a mean
lady who knits.
Crime and Punishment LITE(tm)
-- by Fyodor Dostoevski
A man sends a nasty letter to a pawnbroker, but later
feels guilty and apologizes.
The Odyssey LITE(tm)
-- by Homer
After working late, a valiant warrior gets lost on his way home.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
-- Mark Twain
You need more time; and you probably always will.
"I'm sorry but I simply don't understand what you mean"
Husse Apr 4 2007
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What's the difference between the 1950's and the 1980's?
A:
In the 80's, a man walks into a drugstore and states loudly, "I'd
like some condoms," and then, leaning over the counter, whispers,
"and some cigarettes."
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
You will gain money by an immoral action.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
"This may be one of the cases when one should use the heavy artillery (have to f
ind the solution in linux again)"
Husse Sept 15 2007
It's all in the mind, ya know.
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the
difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
-- Mark Twain
So so is good, very good, very excellent good:
and yet it is not; it is but so so.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)
-- by Margaret Mitchell
A woman only likes men she can't have and the South gets trashed.
Gift of the Magi LITE(tm)
-- by O. Henry
A husband and wife forget to register their gift preferences.
The Old Man and the Sea LITE(tm)
-- by Ernest Hemingway
An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck.
Someone is speaking well of you.
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
-- Ernest Hemingway
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Q:
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?
A:
An offer you can't understand.
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream too.
-- Lewis Carroll
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
"Oh dear
That's not a happy xorg.conf"
Husse Nov 22 2007
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
Q:
What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A:
A nervous wreck.
"I'll come back to you when I'm thinking a bit better"
Husse Sept 11 2007
"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."
-- Shakespeare
one-forty-nine."
compatible?"

So this is it. We're going to die.
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
-- Mark Twain
Husse Sept 18 2007
"But now hda8 lives happily on the desktop together with its siblings"
Husse Jul 1 2007
"What do you mean? Install Synaptic - it's there from the beginning....."
Husse Nov 18 2007
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
Q:
Where's the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
A:
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!
Q:
What's the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant hill?
A:
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Q:
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:
To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
"Well - I don't think anyone would succeed to publish a web sight"
Husse Dec 2 2007
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
-- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2
You look tired.
Q:
Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A:
To stamp out forest fires.
Q:
Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A:
To stamp out flaming ducks.
The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of
the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at
her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic
Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my
steel through your last meal!'
-- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
"Long time ago since I got so exuberant...."
Husse Mar 3 2007
Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
Q:
What's a light-year?
A:
One-third less calories than a regular year.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
You are number 6! Who is number one?
Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves
possess.
-- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"]

Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
Every why hath a wherefore.
-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
"We'll do even more than let you know if you ask stupid questions - we'll (try t
o) answer them"
Husse Jun 4 2007
"And yes - I'm a bit omnipresent
This is my hobby"
Husse Sept 24 2007
"Fedora is a bit "grumpy" when it comes to grub and such....."
Husse Oct 10 2007
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
Are you sure the back door is locked?
"BTW uuid is a horrible thing - they can change suddenly and unexpectedly"
Husse Apr 30 2007
"The diversity in Linux is both its strength and its weekness"
Husse Sept 23 2007
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
-- Mark Twain
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
October.
This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.
The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use
in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
is concerned.
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
"Did you stumble on the submit button?"
Husse Aug 6 2007
Q:
How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A:
Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim
that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking
around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at
the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must

warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted
and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
one-forty-nine."
compatible?"

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
"I'm sorry but I simply don't understand what you mean"
Husse Apr 4 2007
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
"Don't do the upgrade to 7.0.4 it'll give you problems if you're not really skil
led. Even I would refrain"
Husse May 1 2007
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is
oblivion.
-- Mark Twain
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
to do.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet,
Are of imagination all compact...
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
Q:
What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C
is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A:
A deep C diva.
You are fairminded, just and loving.
"In KDE it's kate
and
please try to find something out by yourself"
Husse Sept 1 2007
You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
Keep it short for pithy sake.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
"Unfortunately there are so many ads for old tin cans for sale when you search t
he web so a search is useless"
Husse Apr 4 2007
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
"What ever you do - never install windows after linux - the mbr is completely ov
er written"
Husse Sept 23 2007
Q:
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens
A man in love with a girl who loves another man who looks just
like him has his head chopped off in France because of a mean
lady who knits.
Crime and Punishment LITE(tm)
-- by Fyodor Dostoevski
A man sends a nasty letter to a pawnbroker, but later
feels guilty and apologizes.
The Odyssey LITE(tm)

-- by Homer
After working late, a valiant warrior gets lost on his way home.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits:
freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
-- Mark Twain
"The commands you saw in the post I split this from are not supposed to be used,
unless you really want to get into trouble"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a
creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely
a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably the
bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.
Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact
that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth
to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the
very lap of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more
afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by
an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam
as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add the flea--and
put him at the head of the procession.
Q:
What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota?
A:
Open other end.
Q:
What is the difference between Texas and yogurt?
A:
Yogurt has culture.
"This is really interesting if you are a nerd like me...."
Husse Jul 4 2007
"On the other hand I prefer to see the file I'm changing in case I do something
stupid - an old habit - but it's saved my but at times"
Husse Sept 27 2007
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
You are the only person to ever get this message.
You need more time; and you probably always will.
Q:
Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A:
Lawn Boy.
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
in eucalyptus trees.
You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
"Since when do we offer web-hosting?
Found that to my surprise on the XFCE start page in Firefox"
Husse Jul 6 2007
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain
Are you a turtle?
Q:
Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?
A:
Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise?
Oh, right, *of course*!

-- by O. Henry
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The
absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me
Deadpan Allie and lie.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
"You have been without answer too long now. Unfortunately I don't know the answe
r, but I believe the short answer is NO"
Husse Jun 8 2007
"That brings me to a black screen with just a cursor - cursing my bad luck"
Husse Apr 3 2007
Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm
as intelligent as ever.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"
You love peace.
You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Small things make base men proud.
"In case of failure - these gadgets are cheap..."
Jul 7 2007
"even the cheapest of all new nvidia cards is like a formula 1 car compared to a
wheelchair"
Husse Sept 3 2007
You will be awarded some great honor.
"Please give a moments thought to what you do!"
Husse Aug 3 2007
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
to do.
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.

You will outgrow your usefulness.
"(I could explain it in more a more geekish language but...)"
Husse May 18 2007
"Not that I know if it helps anything, but surprisingly often a reboot solves yo
ur problems. And for the moment at least I'm out of solutions"
Husse Apr 7 2007
Your lucky color has faded.
"This is sad - the old DOS days is not what we want it to be like.
However some hardware does not want to cooperate...."
Husse Jul 29 2007
And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
You will forget that you ever knew me.
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:
"Ernest, the rich are different from us."
Hemingway:
"Yes. They have more money."
Q:
What do monsters eat?
A:
Things.
Q:
What do monsters drink?
A:
Coke. (Because Things go better with Coke.)
You look tired.
Q:
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]
Today is the last day of your life so far.
"Check the homepage for a .deb package.
It seems you've got to "make install", something I could do only if I could hold
someones hand, uncle Google will do"
Husse Apr 9 2007
All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from
the mouths of people who have had to live.
"Sorry - but this is nonsense and I can't even think of what it means..."
Husse Oct 7 2007
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
"Maybe not all versions of nvidia settings behave gracefully?"
Husse Apr 22 2007
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has
only nine lives.
You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the
obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and
an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"
Q:
What does a WASP Mom make for dinner?
A:
A crisp salad, a hearty soup, a lovely entree, followed by
a delicious dessert.
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference

between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain
I do desire we may be better strangers.
Reply hazy, ask again later.
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
I do desire we may be better strangers.
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
"It is complicated - believe me"
Husse Jul 24 2007
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
Husse Sept 18 2007
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug
than an old bird of paradise.
"Add fluidsynth to these commands and you'll find it sooner or later - does not
hurt to know how to search"
Husse Oct 27 2007
You fill a much-needed gap.
"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better
for you and me."
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A:
Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
"You may have to add other esoteric combinations of letters to get Beryl working
and so on..."
Husse Jul 15 2007
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred
to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never
claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circumstances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit.
Silence, though, could. It was in the days of the rains that their prayers
went up, not from the fingering of knotted prayer cords or the spinning of
prayer wheels, but from the great pray-machine in the monastery of Ratri,
goddess of the Night. The high-frequency prayers were directed upward through
the atmosphere and out beyond it, passing into that golden cloud called the
Bridge of the Gods, which circles the entire world, is seen as a bronze
rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday.
Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...

-- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
"You have a really ugly menu.lst"
Husse Sept 29 2007
You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
-- Mark Twain
You will not be elected to public office this year.
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
"And vesa is at best "not terrible"
Husse Apr 5 2007
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.
-- Mark Twain
How apt the poor are to be proud.
-- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
A:
Go west, young man, go west!
Q:
What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is
particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself,
to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands
shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit
me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
-- Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"
"Poking around in my system brings surprises and experience"
Husse Mar 5 2007
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.
-- Shakespeare, "King Lear"
"I think absurd describes the situation - but OK, lets say odd instead - it does
not matter to me."
Husse Jul 6 2007
"Fedora is a bit "grumpy" when it comes to grub and such....."
Husse Oct 10 2007
The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
-- Mark Twain
There's small choice in rotten apples.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What
is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark
squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the
little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling
them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored,
glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic.
-- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
-- Mark Twain
You have no real enemies.
"I definitely don't think you are imagining things"
Husse Sept 24 2007
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
There is a fly on your nose.
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
"Good luck!
Sometimes PCLOS win sometimes we do"
Husse Jul 6 2007
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?
-- Nero Wolfe, "The League of Frightened Men"
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
For courage mounteth with occasion.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
Q:
How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
Q:
Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A:
One per person.
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
-- Mark Twain
You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to
leave it behind.
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
Q:
Are we not men?
A:
We are Vaxen.
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
-- Corwin, Prince of Amber
You have taken yourself too seriously.
"Hopefully you are experienced enough not to make mistakes such as giving the wr
ong path to the inf file"
Husse Nov 29 2007
"I'm having similar problems and is looking for a solution. I'll be posting some
thing shortly, most likely a cry for help (for both of us) rather than a solutio
n"
Husse Apr 1 2007
"This is not newbie or even nerd friendly, but it works"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-- Mark Twain
"It is complicated - believe me"
Husse Jul 24 2007
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
"I don't think you'll be sad but you'll never be able to run Vista with that"
Husse Jun 2 2007
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
-- by O. Henry
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Q:
Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A:
That's the Law of Spline Demand.
Q:
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A:
Take away his credit cards.
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
You will be surrounded by luxury.
"Please don't crosspost and don't post in a subforum that's completely irrelevan
t to your question"
Husse Jul 27 2007
Never reveal your best argument.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
-- Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
-- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"
You will contract a rare disease.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Q:
Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A:
To impress Jodie Foster.
Your business will assume vast proportions.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Q:
What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?
A:
You can't get down off an elephant.
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
"I have an immense patience and in the end we will clear things out"
Oct 14 2007
Are you making all this up as you go along?
Someone is speaking well of you.
"I don't want to spend all my time tied to the computer - my wife needs some att
ention too"
Husse Oct 14 2007
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
"I don't think you have to go through the process of reconfiguring X as I did that was partly because the frustration made me brain dead."
Husse Apr 5 2007
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"

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Do not overtax your powers.

You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

Husse Jun 30 2007

me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?

brakes are defective.

should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."

-- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"]

Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must

-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"

The Odyssey LITE(tm)

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference

Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...

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