"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though

ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee. Of all divers,
thou has dived the deepest. That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
moved amid the world's foundations. Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate
earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful
water-land, there was thy most familiar home. Thou hast been where bell or
diver never went; has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers
would give their lives to lay them down. Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting
wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them. Thou saw'st the
murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell
into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed
on unharmed -- while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would
have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms. O head! thou has
seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
syllable is thine!"
-- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
There's small choice in rotten apples.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles which are on very
very thin paper.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
Your step will soil many countries.
Patch griefs with proverbs.
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
Avoid reality at all costs.
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain
"That is the magic sudo command. So put sudo in front of the command and it'll w
ork."
Husse Jul 20 2007
So you're back... about time...
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
It's a very *__
UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
-- Churchy La Femme
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
You will gain money by an immoral action.
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
-- Wm. Shakespeare
Q:
How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all those
Californians trying to share the experience.
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all

fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
-- Samuel Foote
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
You are standing on my toes.
Q:
Why do the police always travel in threes?
A:
One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps
an eye on the two intellectuals.
Q:
What's a WASP's idea of open-mindedness?
A:
Dating a Canadian.
The Least Successful Collector
Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She
was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had
amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the
works of Shakespeare.
One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond
legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The
remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't
understand his own meaning.
-- George D. Prentice
"I begin to sound grumpy but that's unknown to me....."
Husse Nov 27 2007
There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.
-- Joan Didion, "Slouching Towards Bethlehem"
Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't
understand his own meaning.
-- George D. Prentice
Your step will soil many countries.
Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"--which is
but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention;" but the wise
man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and--WATCH THAT BASKET."
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"but yes I was wrong
My memory did not serve me right"
Husse Oct 15 2007
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
"Don't do the upgrade to 7.0.4 it'll give you problems if you're not really skil
led. Even I would refrain"
Husse May 1 2007
I dote on his very absence.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
"I'm also confused about the mentioning of Solaris - that's an ugly beast!"
Husse Sept 16 2007
"Never thought the space i "Program Files" would be a problem in Linux"
Husse Apr 9 2007
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
"Be very careful with what you do with IP-tables - it's extremely hard to get ri
ght - I've tried to set rules in a router with IP-tables - small wonder the thin

g did not fly out of the window"

Jul 7 2007
I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New
England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be
raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in
New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make weather for
countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere
if they don't get it.
-- Mark Twain
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
-- Mark Twain
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A:
A stick.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
The ripest fruit falls first.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
"Sorry - when you are used to something it's easy to forget that everybody is no
t"
Husse Jul 12 2007
Q:
Why haven't you graduated yet?
A:
Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted
my dissertation to rhyme.
"Do I understand you right that you say that you have to reboot to fix the probl
ems from a reboot"
Husse Sept 7 2007
You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human.
"Fedora is a bit "grumpy" when it comes to grub and such....."
Husse Oct 10 2007
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,

his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
"Don't do the upgrade to 7.0.4 it'll give you problems if you're not really skil
led. Even I would refrain"
Husse May 1 2007
Q:
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A:
The cats keep trying to bury them.
Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;
-- Wm. Shakespeare
Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
-- Sherlock Holmes
Q:
Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A:
God gave New Jersey first choice.
"Easy does it!
Don't scare the forum members....
I'm not quite sure either of you really understands the other"
Husse Jun 16 2007
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Harp not on that string.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things
than someone who hasn't.
-- Mark Twain
The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A
most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
give a public reading of his latest poem.
Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord
Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable
and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece. "Be so good as to mark
the place and consider at your leisure. I'm sure you can give it a better
turn."
After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side. "There is no need to touch the
lines," he said. "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation
on those passages, and then read them to him as altered. I have known him
much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem
exactly as it was before. His unique critical faculties had lost none of
their edge. "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right. Nothing can
be better."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.
You will be run over by a beer truck.
"My bad - expressed my self really bad in this post"
Husse Apr 26 2007
"Unfortunately the partitioner in the install is a bit "grumpy"
It is, as far as I know safe, but does not always let you do what you want"
Husse Sept 18 2007
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
Accent on helpful side of your nature. Drain the moat.
"Check the homepage for a .deb package.
It seems you've got to "make install", something I could do only if I could hold
someones hand, uncle Google will do"
Husse Apr 9 2007
"And vi is a tricky one - "real men use vi""
Husse Sept 27 2007
I dote on his very absence.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is
oblivion.
-- Mark Twain
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:
Chewing gum.
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
"You are a bit ambigous."
Husse Jul 17 2007
There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.
"When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."
-- Mark Twain
"Not that I know if it helps anything, but surprisingly often a reboot solves yo
ur problems. And for the moment at least I'm out of solutions"

Husse Apr 7 2007

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #19
A:
To be or not to be.
Q:
What is the square root of 4b^2?
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
-- Samuel Foote
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain
"samba is not simple to deal with"
Husse Sept 14 2007
"This is the kind of hassle you can get into when you install an OS be it Window
s or Linux (I could give you some sad stories about installing Windows)"
Husse Sept 18 2007
Q:
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
April 1
This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Check the homepage for a .deb package.
It seems you've got to "make install", something I could do only if I could hold
someones hand, uncle Google will do"
Husse Apr 9 2007
You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
"It is a beta, but is fairly stable. As with any beta things can go wrong."
Husse Jul 25 2007
You will never know hunger.

"As for sharing home partition let's just say I was warned when I read lot's of
posts in different forums before I moved my home - i.e. on my computer, not in t
he real world"
Husse Apr 26 2007
"This is the kind of hassle you can get into when you install an OS be it Window
s or Linux (I could give you some sad stories about installing Windows)"
Husse Sept 18 2007
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Every why hath a wherefore.
-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
How apt the poor are to be proud.
-- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has
only nine lives.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You will gain money by a fattening action.
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain
Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at
fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take
the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will
find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil,
you will say that she did it with her teeth.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A:
Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q:
A:

How long does it take?

It's indeterminate.
It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.

Q:
What happens if you've got TWO flats?
A:
They replace your generator.
"And no - computers is no exact science"
Husse Nov 14 2007
Q:
Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
A:
He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug
than an old bird of paradise.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"/Edited stupid typo/husse/"
Husse Nov 21 2007
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
"On the other hand I prefer to see the file I'm changing in case I do something
stupid - an old habit - but it's saved my but at times"
Husse Sept 27 2007
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that

is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails,
whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through
the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
-- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"
Q:
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A:
With a blue-elephant gun.
Q:
A:

How do you shoot a pink elephant?

Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with
a blue-elephant gun.
Q:
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"If someone was offended by a comment that the situation is absurd (when it is)
.....
Well well..."
Husse Jul 5 2007
Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to
a new town.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining
ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror
to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the
mid-fork of the Feather River before the completion of the Oroville Dam
in 1959.
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.
"I am sorry.....
The E1505 is a mystery"
Husse Jul 5 2007
You have been selected for a secret mission.
"Unfortunately there are so many ads for old tin cans for sale when you search t
he web so a search is useless"
Husse Apr 4 2007
"Please start a new topic for a new topic"
Husse Nov 23 2007
Q:
Why do the police always travel in threes?
A:
One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps
an eye on the two intellectuals.
"The Ubuntu developers have gone to great lengths to make sudo as smooth as poss
ible in the GUI environment, and they've done a very good job. By re-enabling th
e root user and even logging in as root, you literally throw their work out the
window, take your safety belt off and drive head-on into traffic. Yes, it is a b
it insane.."

Husse Mar 20 2007

Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference
between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
"No - I don't believe it to be wrong - I know it's wrong"
Husse Jul 3 2007
You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
April 1
This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely
the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
Someone is speaking well of you.
Beware of Bigfoot!
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Your love life will be... interesting.
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain
"No - we don't mind if you use other distros"
Husse Jul 25 2007
Q:
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A:
With a blue-elephant gun.
Q:
A:

How do you shoot a pink elephant?

Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with
a blue-elephant gun.
"Yes you can create hotkeys by the dozen if you like...."
Husse Jun 16 2007
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a
creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely
a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably the
bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.

Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact
that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth
to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the
very lap of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more
afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by
an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam
as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add the flea--and
put him at the head of the procession.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"I'm having similar problems and is looking for a solution. I'll be posting some
thing shortly, most likely a cry for help (for both of us) rather than a solutio
n"
Husse Apr 1 2007
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest"
Q:
Why do WASPs play golf ?
A:
So they can dress like pimps.
Q:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
"The commands you saw in the post I split this from are not supposed to be used,
unless you really want to get into trouble"
Husse Jul 5 2007
"You have so many partitions that "crawl all over the place" that I get seriousl
y confused.
That grub listing is ominous ....."
Husse Sept 16 2007
October.
This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.
The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Lady Luck brings added income today. Lady friend takes it away tonight.
Your lucky color has faded.
Q:
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A:
You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit
gets all the credit.
You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
Q:
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A:
A dope ring.
Q:
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A:
To cover up the valve stem.
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What is orange and goes "click, click?"
A:
A ball point carrot.
"I don't think you have to go through the process of reconfiguring X as I did that was partly because the frustration made me brain dead."

Husse Apr 5 2007

The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
-- George Gobel
"Have you managed to complete the install?
Maybe my old eyes but I can't figure it out from your post."
Husse Mar 24 2007
I'll burn my books.
-- Christopher Marlowe
Q:
Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?
A:
Because that was her name.
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
"I'm out of options for now. It is something that has gone wrong "in the apt-get
region" (can't find a good expression for that)"
Husse Jun 17 2007
"Can be your internet connection
Or that the nice boys from Southpark are playing with you"
Husse Jul 3 2007
Q:
How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A:
Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
"Now, I did not want to be rude to anyone, but when the solution would be found
if you still could use the "I am lucky" option in Google....."
Husse Apr 7 2007
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
"I don't mean to be rude - but what are you saying?"
Husse Oct 1 2007
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "Kind John"
Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Q:
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
A:
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.
Never laugh at live dragons.
-- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
and nobody wants to read.
-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"
My dear People.
My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks,
and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers,
Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good
Sackville Bagginses that I welcome back at last to Bag End. Today is my
one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today!"
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of

paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
"No - I don't believe it to be wrong - I know it's wrong"
Husse Jul 3 2007
"Are we to discuss philosophy?
I think we could easily get into an endless debate"
Husse Sept 28 2007
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...
Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"What ever you do - never install windows after linux - the mbr is completely ov
er written"
Husse Sept 23 2007
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely
the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
If you can read this, you're too close.
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
There is a fly on your nose.
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
"I'll come back to you when I'm thinking a bit better"
Husse Sept 11 2007
"That brings me to a black screen with just a cursor - cursing my bad luck"
Husse Apr 3 2007
"The people in this forum are not your slaves - don't expect an answer in a few
hours."
Husse Jun 5 2007
Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to
a new town.
You are number 6! Who is number one?
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of
absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.
Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness
within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more.
Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and
doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone
of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.
-- Shirley Jackson, "The Haunting of Hill House"
Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4
A:
Go west, young man, go west!
Q:
What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?

Q:
Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A:
One per person.
"it takes time to find a solution and if you find that another application does
the job you've solved the problem with less effort"
Husse Nov 23 2007
"Easy does it!
Don't scare the forum members....
I'm not quite sure either of you really understands the other"
Husse Jun 16 2007
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
Q:
How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A:
Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q:
A:

How long does it take?

It's indeterminate.
It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.

Q:
What happens if you've got TWO flats?
A:
They replace your generator.
My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
"Damn - still to much Windows in me"
Husse Apr 26 2007
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
You will contract a rare disease.
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
"I'm afraid we are at a loss here - apart from the tip above to edit xorg.conf I
don't have a clue"
Husse Jun 21 2007
"This is sad - the old DOS days is not what we want it to be like.
However some hardware does not want to cooperate...."
Husse Jul 29 2007
"There is a wiki on iptables http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iptables
and don't mess around with iptables - it's really tricky"
Husse Mar 15 2007
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and
enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to
lend money.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the
bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems
almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the
oyster.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

"Good luck!
Sometimes PCLOS win sometimes we do"
Husse Jul 6 2007
No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of
absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.
Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness
within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more.
Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and
doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone
of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.
-- Shirley Jackson, "The Haunting of Hill House"
"Can be your internet connection
Or that the nice boys from Southpark are playing with you"
Husse Jul 3 2007
Q:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
"Sorry - I can't know what you know"
Husse Sept 7 2007
"Everything working?
That's a relief"
Husse May 24 2007
Patch griefs with proverbs.
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
You now have Asian Flu.
You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
-- Sherlock Holmes
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
Q:
How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
to the earlier joke.
You will triumph over your enemy.
"OK I was thinking we = Mint
how ego of me"
Husse Aug 19 2007
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
Every why hath a wherefore.
-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
You will contract a rare disease.
Q:
What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A:
A doberman.
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain

Today is what happened to yesterday.

Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
"You have made your way to UUID hell"
Husse Oct 20 2007
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his
argument.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but
the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they
have obtained from books of travel.
-- Mark Twain
"Turning a supertanker"
Husse Jul 27 2007
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
"In case of failure - these gadgets are cheap..."
Jul 7 2007
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
Q:
Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A:
Lawn Boy.
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
Don't get to bragging.
"What do you mean? Install Synaptic - it's there from the beginning....."
Husse Nov 18 2007
The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with
commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God
over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the
angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because
she repented.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
"If someone was offended by a comment that the situation is absurd (when it is)
.....
Well well..."
Husse Jul 5 2007
Keep it short for pithy sake.
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain
You will not be elected to public office this year.
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens
A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.
The Metamorphosis LITE(tm)
-- by Franz Kafka

A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.

Lord of the Rings LITE(tm)
-- by J. R. R. Tolkien
Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.
Hamlet LITE(tm)
-- by Wm. Shakespeare
A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy
girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.
Keep it short for pithy sake.
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use
in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
Q:
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to share the
experience. (Actually, Californians don't screw in
light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)
Q:
A:

How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all
those Californians trying to share the experience.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
"The commands you saw in the post I split this from are not supposed to be used,
unless you really want to get into trouble"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working
when he's staring out the window.
You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Q:
What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A:
A canary with the super-user password.
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You are number 6! Who is number one?
"Well - tell you a secret - I can answer because I make good searches, I find wh
at others don't"
Husse Nov 11 2007
Q:
What do monsters eat?
A:
Things.
Q:
What do monsters drink?
A:
Coke. (Because Things go better with Coke.)
"If someone was offended by a comment that the situation is absurd (when it is)
.....
Well well..."
Husse Jul 5 2007
Big book, big bore.

-- Callimachus
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
-- Mark Twain
You will not be elected to public office this year.
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
-- Mark Twain
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Are you a turtle?
"Sorry, I underestimated your need for help"
Husse Jun 30 2007
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's, far
out on the water, round. Usurper.
-- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
Q:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A:
A stick.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
Q:
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A:
Because it was on the other side.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain
"Well - I don't think anyone would succeed to publish a web sight"
Husse Dec 2 2007
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits:
freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
-- Mark Twain
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
"It will work (perhaps) but it will swap like hell and be slower than a tired sn
ail"
Husse Oct 16 2007
Q:
How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One.
Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't
understand his own meaning.
-- George D. Prentice