question = ( to ) ? be : !

be;
-- Wm. Shakespeare
Q:
What is purple and conquered the world?
A:
Alexander the Grape.
Q:
Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A:
To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed
down-stairs a step at a time.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain
"I'm trying to understand the mysteries of wireless myself at the moment."
Husse Apr 7 2007
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if
you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles
as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
"Could you describe what happens better so there's a chance to see when it stops
."
Husse Nov 25 2007
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
"Everything working?
That's a relief"
Husse May 24 2007
Talkers are no good doers.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
"computers are really hard to understand - one user has no problems and another
all the problems in the world with the same hardware...."
Husse Jun 20 2007
"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee. Of all divers,
thou has dived the deepest. That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
moved amid the world's foundations. Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate
earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful
water-land, there was thy most familiar home. Thou hast been where bell or
diver never went; has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers
would give their lives to lay them down. Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting
wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them. Thou saw'st the
murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell
into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed

on unharmed -- while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would
have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms. O head! thou has
seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
syllable is thine!"
-- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Communicate! It can't make things any worse.
No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.
-- Mark Twain
"You can't expect an imediate response, and sometimes you don't get a response a
t all - no one knows the answer."
Husse Apr 9 2007
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
"You have waited a bit too long for an answer, here it is in the middle of big h
olidays - haven't done anything with my computer other than reading the newspape
rs for a couple of days."
Husse Jun 23 2007
You are the only person to ever get this message.
"samba is not simple to deal with"
Husse Sept 14 2007
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less
than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
"It seems to be not only in Vista creative is "a bit" problematic"
Husse Jul 10 2007
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
"The commands you saw in the post I split this from are not supposed to be used,
unless you really want to get into trouble"
Husse Jul 5 2007
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
Q:
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A:
One less drunk.
"Have you managed to complete the install?
Maybe my old eyes but I can't figure it out from your post."
Husse Mar 24 2007
You're at the end of the road again.
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed
down-stairs a step at a time.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
is concerned.

"I'm curious - what do you do with your computer to get mintMenu eat hundreds of
MB - I don't think I've ever been above around 300 MB total"
Husse Oct 2 2007
A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
and nobody wants to read.
-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
Q:
How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?
A:
Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
speech, but under the United States constitution they are
guaranteed freedom after speech.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He
brought death into the world.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A:
Throw him a rock.
Q:
Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A:
That's the Law of Spline Demand.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #19
A:
To be or not to be.
Q:
What is the square root of 4b^2?
Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
and nobody wants to read.
-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
Q:
How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A:
Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
sorry.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
"I've yet to master a way to search all files for a string with a reasonable out
put (reasonable output is the crux - grep gives a confusing output to say the le
ast)"
Husse Apr 15 2007
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
Q:
How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A:
Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim

that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking

around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at
the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted
and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The
books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone
today!
-- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"
on the topic of school textbooks
"sorry I have so many questions now that I get dizzy"
Husse Nov 18 2007
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made
school boards.
-- Mark Twain
"Or you could do like me - throw yourself right into the Linux nest and read aft
erwards"
Husse Jun 8 2007
For courage mounteth with occasion.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace-I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-- Justin Richardson.
What I tell you three times is true.
-- Lewis Carroll
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has
only nine lives.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You are as I am with You.
"No - we don't mind if you use other distros"
Husse Jul 25 2007
You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!

Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.
Big book, big bore.
-- Callimachus
What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?
-- Nero Wolfe, "The League of Frightened Men"
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
Q:
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A:
"The elephants are coming over the hill."
Q:

What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
sunglasses?
A:
Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
"I am sorry.....
The E1505 is a mystery"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Fine day for friends.
So-so day for you.
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
"If someone was offended by a comment that the situation is absurd (when it is)
.....
Well well..."
Husse Jul 5 2007
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
Q:
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
A:
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.
Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.
Q:
Why is Poland just like the United States?
A:
In the United States you can't buy anything for zlotys and in
Poland you can't either, while in the U.S. you can get whatever
you want for dollars, just as you can in Poland.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace-I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-- Justin Richardson.
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes

in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.
You will pass away very quickly.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-- Mark Twain
"The people in this forum are not your slaves - don't expect an answer in a few
hours."
Husse Jun 5 2007
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
-- Shakespeare
"I'm sorry but I simply don't understand what you mean"
Husse Apr 4 2007
"Well - I don't think anyone would succeed to publish a web sight"
Husse Dec 2 2007
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
"And yes - I'm a bit omnipresent
This is my hobby"
Husse Sept 24 2007
"I've got a WRT54G v.2 and I had to "strangle" it to 11 mbps and change channel
to get a connection that didn't break up all the time - I think it still does no
w and then, but my wife doesn't tell me"
Husse Jul 7 2007
The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A:
The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A:
A doberman.
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
-- Mark Twain
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
"The links are dead - and Firefox don't like them"
Husse Jul 7 2007
"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
Q:
How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....

consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last
you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his
Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
-- Mark Twain "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"
F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:
"Ernest, the rich are different from us."
Hemingway:
"Yes. They have more money."
"Moderation is only to be done by someone who is trusted to do it :)"
Husse Sept 13 2009
You'll never be the man your mother was!
Someone is speaking well of you.
You will be run over by a bus.
"I have waited to answer in the hope someone else would."
Husse Jul 31 2007
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
"Yes there is a lot of people doing a great job out there."
Husse Jul 15 2007
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
"I must admit I don't "see" that splash - I don't really care and my mind is els
ewhere when I log in"
Husse Sept 3 2007
The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
Chess tonight.
Q:
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
A:
9 edge down.
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
"Are we to discuss philosophy?
I think we could easily get into an endless debate"
Husse Sept 28 2007
"Don't add a new topic to the end of an old one - there's a great risk you'd go
unnoticed....."
Husse Sept 9 2007
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
You are magnetic in your bearing.

Do what comes naturally. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.

You need more time; and you probably always will.
"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
"Unfortunately there are so many ads for old tin cans for sale when you search t
he web so a search is useless"
Husse Apr 4 2007
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The
absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me
Deadpan Allie and lie.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
"PS Like me you seem not to be a native english speaker...
you write not wright"
Husse Apr 9 2007
Q:
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A:
"The elephants are coming over the hill."
Q:

What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
sunglasses?
A:
Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens
A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.
The Metamorphosis LITE(tm)
-- by Franz Kafka
A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.
Lord of the Rings LITE(tm)
-- by J. R. R. Tolkien
Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.
Hamlet LITE(tm)
-- by Wm. Shakespeare
A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy
girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
"Damn - still to much Windows in me"
Husse Apr 26 2007
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
A is for Apple.
-- Hester Pryne
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.

You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.
"I don't know if something can be done, but something should be done...."
Husse Jul 28 2007
"Don't add a new topic to the end of an old one - there's a great risk you'd go
unnoticed....."
Husse Sept 9 2007
Stay the curse.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He
brought death into the world.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Easy to forget the beginning of a thread"
Husse May 20 2007
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
-- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"
"Yes there is a lot of people doing a great job out there."
Husse Jul 15 2007
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!"
"Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to
feel interested.
"No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little
vexed. "That's what the name is called. The name really is, 'The Aged
Aged Man.'"
"Then I ought to have said "That's what the song is called'?"
Alice corrected herself.
"No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The song is
called 'Ways and Means': but that's only what it is called you know!"
"Well, what is the song then?" said Alice, who was by this
time completely bewildered.
"I was coming to that," the Knight said. "The song really is
"A-sitting on a Gate": and the tune's my own invention."
-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
Q:
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?
A:
An offer you can't understand.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Beware the one behind you.
All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from
the mouths of people who have had to live.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Could you describe what happens better so there's a chance to see when it stops
."
Husse Nov 25 2007
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"

Q:
Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A:
To impress Jodie Foster.
Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything.
Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain
Cold hands, no gloves.
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
Cold hands, no gloves.
You will be surrounded by luxury.
For a light heart lives long.
-- Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.
-- T.S. Eliot
Excellent time to become a missing person.
"No - I don't believe it to be wrong - I know it's wrong"
Husse Jul 3 2007
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The
Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
"I'm having similar problems and is looking for a solution. I'll be posting some
thing shortly, most likely a cry for help (for both of us) rather than a solutio
n"
Husse Apr 1 2007
Q:
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
A:
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the
department of transportation.
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
"And no - computers is no exact science"
Husse Nov 14 2007
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
this sort of trash.
Q:
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:
To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
"Are we to discuss philosophy?
I think we could easily get into an endless debate"
Husse Sept 28 2007

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Q:
What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:
Chewing gum.
"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee. Of all divers,
thou has dived the deepest. That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
moved amid the world's foundations. Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate
earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful
water-land, there was thy most familiar home. Thou hast been where bell or
diver never went; has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers
would give their lives to lay them down. Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting
wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them. Thou saw'st the
murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell
into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed
on unharmed -- while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would
have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms. O head! thou has
seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
syllable is thine!"
-- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!
-- Charles Dickens
"PS Like me you seem not to be a native english speaker...
you write not wright"
Husse Apr 9 2007
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails,
whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through
the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
-- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"
Are you making all this up as you go along?
Q:
What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C
is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A:
A deep C diva.
What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?
-- Nero Wolfe, "The League of Frightened Men"
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
You are fairminded, just and loving.
Seeing that death, a necessary end,

Will come when it will come.

-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
"The vesa driver always (almost) works, but does not give nice video - rather ho
rrible"
Husse Jul 29 2007
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
"You've passed the big hurdle - to get wifi working."
Husse May 12 2007
"I was going to answer you, but my lovely wife served some coffee so I went away
for a while and I see that Nick has given about the answer I would have given."
Husse Aug 5 2007
What I tell you three times is true.
-- Lewis Carroll
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more
deadly in the long run.
-- Mark Twain
"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
thing he tells you.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet,
Are of imagination all compact...
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
"You have waited a bit too long for an answer, here it is in the middle of big h
olidays - haven't done anything with my computer other than reading the newspape
rs for a couple of days."
Husse Jun 23 2007
You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
"even the cheapest of all new nvidia cards is like a formula 1 car compared to a
wheelchair"
Husse Sept 3 2007
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
A pity that it's totally undeserved.
"This is the kind of hassle you can get into when you install an OS be it Window
s or Linux (I could give you some sad stories about installing Windows)"
Husse Sept 18 2007
You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's
heel.
Break into jail and claim police brutality.
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
"Never thought the space i "Program Files" would be a problem in Linux"
Husse Apr 9 2007
If you can read this, you're too close.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.

Q:
A:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To see his friend Gregory peck.

Q:
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A:
To get to the other slide.
Reply hazy, ask again later.
"I begin to sound grumpy but that's unknown to me....."
Husse Nov 27 2007
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
Q:
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
-- George Gobel
You should go home.
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
It was all so different before everything changed.
Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
You have no real enemies.
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the
obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and
an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
-- Samuel Foote
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
not worth sending.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Sheriff Chameleotoptor sighed with an air of weary sadness, and then
turned to Doppelgutt and said 'The Senator must really have been on a
bender this time -- he left a party in Cleveland, Ohio, at 11:30 last
night, and they found his car this morning in the smokestack of a British
aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.
You need more time; and you probably always will.
"Sometimes ignorance hits you"
Husse Mar 24 2007
Patch griefs with proverbs.
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
ROMEO:
Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.

MERCUTIO:

No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide

as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
Q:
What do you call the scratches that you get when a female
sheep bites you?
A:
Ewe nicks.
Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
Q:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:
He was giving it last rites.
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
Q:
What is purple and conquered the world?
A:
Alexander the Grape.
Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools
that think they are truffles.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is
weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and
weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists,
but he sings about his gingivectomist, he dreams about a single cosmologist,
he thinks about his dog. The dog is named Herbert.
-- Racter, "The Policeman's Beard is Half-Constructed"
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference
between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
Q:
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A:
To get to the other slide.
I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The
books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone
today!
-- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"
on the topic of school textbooks
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
-- Mark Twain
I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The
books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone
today!
-- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"
on the topic of school textbooks
Many pages make a thick book.
"You have been without answer too long now. Unfortunately I don't know the answe
r, but I believe the short answer is NO"
Husse Jun 8 2007
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
October.
This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.
The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Sadly wifi is a bit of a problem.."
Husse Jul 25 2007
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.

Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.
Never reveal your best argument.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
"What ever you do - never install windows after linux - the mbr is completely ov
er written"
Husse Sept 23 2007
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
"Yes you do something wrong - and yet not"
Husse Apr 9 2007
"Age is no obstacle - I'm pretty new to Linux and Mint and passed my 61 birthday
last month"
Husse Sept 23 2007
"I definitely don't think you are imagining things"
Husse Sept 24 2007
Q:
How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?
A:
Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
speech, but under the United States constitution they are
guaranteed freedom after speech.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
"Please don't post like that - we don't have crystal balls, neither can we read
thoughts.
If you don't give us some information on what's happening we can't help you"
Husse Oct 3 2007
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less
than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting. I shall fall,
Like a bright exhalation in the evening
And no man see me more.
-- Shakespeare
"I must admit I don't "see" that splash - I don't really care and my mind is els
ewhere when I log in"
Husse Sept 3 2007
"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?"
"The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as --"
"My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice.
"I was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'"
-- A. Conan Doyle, "The Valley of Fear"
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
-- J.P. Donleavy
"And vi is a tricky one - "real men use vi""
Husse Sept 27 2007
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare

Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.

You will gain money by an illegal action.
What happened last night can happen again.
"Could you describe what happens better so there's a chance to see when it stops
."
Husse Nov 25 2007
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
Q:
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
A:
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.