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 When Father
Knows Best
It’s a whole new ballgame for Bay Area stay-at-home dads
By Dana Young
They’ve heard it all: The “Mr. Mom” jokes, the
quips about being able to spend the day watching
ESPN. But for the thousands of Bay Area fathers
who are primary caregivers for their children, life is a
lot more than fun and games – although there is a lot
of that, too.
Stay-at-home dads are
everywhere, it seems, con-
nected by technology to
each other and supported
by a Bay Area culture that
realizes flexibility is a
necessity for today’s busy
parents.
While it is difficult to
find data on the number of
SAHDs in Northern
California, Paul Banas,
Founder of GreatDad.com
and stay-at-home dad, says
there could be well over
100,000 SAHDs in the Bay
Area alone, and 1 to 2 mil-
Matt Maiocco of Lafayette, with daughters
lion nationwide. While the
Lucie, 3, and Janie, 5. U.S. Census reports only
159,000 stay-at-home dads
(see sidebar p. 26), it
excludes many who are staying at home for another
primary reason – they may work from home, or take
classes at night, and can be available as the primary
caregiver.
This month, in honor of Father’s Day 2008 and
the growing number of SAHDs, we spoke with sev-
eral Bay Area dads who “stay home” about the joys –
and surprises – of their unique fatherhood.
22 Bay Area Parent | June 2008
Matt Maiocco
Five years ago, Matt Maiocco, a Lafayette-based
sportswriter who covers the San Francisco 49ers, took
on a new assignment: stay-at-home dad to daughters
Janie, 5, and Lucie, 3. During the off-season, Maiocco
handles the majority of the daytime parenting respon-
sibilities. And, during the football season, he can con-
duct 95 percent of his work via phone from his home
office, which enables him to actively participate in the
raising of his two daughters. Married for more than
seven years, Maiocco and his wife, Sarah, who works
for a financial software company, saw this as a wonder-
ful opportunity for their family.
How do you and your wife differ on child-rear-
ing issues?
I’m the softy; she’s the one who lays down the law.
What are some of the joys?
I’m around the girls a lot. I have been able to be
with them and haven’t missed out on their growing up.
Differences between SAHDs and SAHMs?
I had our littlest one enrolled in a one-day-a-week
class at nursery school called “Mommy and Me.” Of
course, I referred to it as “Daddy and Me,” but I was
the only daddy in the class.
Have you ever been referred to as a “Mr. Mom?”
I wear it like a badge of honor.
One thing you want people to know about being
an at-home dad?
I think a lot of people are envious that I’m able to
spend so much time with my children and have devel-
oped such a strong relationship with them.
Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
I regularly take them to the Oakland Zoo – thank
goodness for the yearly pass! We can spend hours at
the children’s portion of the zoo. Lindsay Wildlife
Museum is a good spot just to walk around and
observe the birds and animals.
Seth Tator
Several years before Seth Tator and his wife of
six years started a family, they looked at how they
wanted to parent. While they knew people who
had invested a great deal of time locating
providers who are “like family,” they felt this was
the exception. “If you are going to have kids, then
parent them,” Tator says. “For us, turning over a
newborn didn’t fit that mold.” In order to make
their decision work, Tator, a former banker at
Wells Fargo, began attending business school on
the weekends. He studies at night and is a SAHD
during the week to his two daughters, while his
wife, a director of operations, works full-time out-
side the home.
How do you and your wife differ on child-
rearing issues?
She is much more playful, while I am a bit
more straight-laced.
What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?
I suppose the same frustrations of being a
stay-at-home-mom – the complete lack of respect
for the time demands the role places on you.
Funniest thing said to you about being a
SAHD?
Someone asked me how we handled the
breast feeding … as if I was supposed to lactate!
One thing you want people to know about
being a SAHD?
Daytime children’s shows are HORRIBLE.
Do you think society is becoming more
accepting of SAHDs?
Things have changed in three years, there are
less inquisitive looks at playgrounds, and in the
supermarkets, but I am still an odd ball. What
we’re waiting for is the same thing that would
remove the glass ceiling in corporate America – a
removal of unconscious stereotypes regarding
roles.
Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
My daughter’s all-time favorite ever is
Children’s Wonderland in Vallejo. It has five or
six different play areas, a running stream for the
kids to mess around in, and large grassy areas to
JILL HAGER / PHOTOGRAPHY BY JILL

run around on – this place really is great. I had always desired to

Vijay Bhaskaran care for my children even
Pleasanton resident Vijay Bhaskaran assumed before we had kids.”
the role of full-time father twice. The first time – Vijay Bhaskaran, Pleasanton father of
was from June 2002 to October 2002, following Maya, 6, and Arja, 3
the adoption of daughter Maya. In July 2007,

650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 23
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www.bayareapediatr ics.com What’s the difference between you and your wife
regarding childrearing?
We offer general pedicatric care, Shapedown
(a weight management program for children and
teens), lactation consultations, phone advice during Dads Online
office hours, and urgent phone advice 24/7. We all know Dads like to play on the Internet, and it
has been a fertile breeding ground for Web sites and
BECAUSE CHILDREN DON’T ALWAYS GET SICK FROM 9 TO 5. blogs dedicated to the adventures of stay-at-home dads.
Most provide information, resources, connections and
Please call one of our offices to schedule community to the growing number of SAHDs in the Bay
a complimentar y prenatal visit.
Area. And more than a few provide some excellent (and
SAN CARLOS often comedic) insight from the get-go. Here are some of
excellence 57 El Camino Real our favorites:

care
in San Carlos
■ GreatDad (greatdad.com) – “Because Dads don’t
650-591-3937
always think like Moms.” A leading source of experience,
SAN MATEO
recommendations, inspiration and advice for dads – deliv-
123 San Mateo Drive
San Mateo ered from the male perspective. Founded by Bay Area
650-343-4200 Parent columnist Paul Banas.
Weekdays
SETON ■ Dad Labs (dadlabs.com) – “Taking back paternity.” An
Evenings 1800 Sullivan Ave. edgy, fun and informative dad-focused Internet show and
Suite 202, Daly City Web site that features comedic and informative videos.
Weekends 650-756-4200
■ At-Home Dad (athomedad.com) – “Men who change
SOUTHGATE
Holidays 1500 Southgate Ave. diapers change the world.” SAHD-specific newsletter and
Suite 104, Daly City clearinghouse that provide resources, information, con-
650-992-4200
24 Bay Area Parent | June 2008
 School Work Activities
Don’t let head lice keep you away from
fun things this school year!

I take more risks and rarely follow the norm. I believe that
kids can be part of our social life, rather than having a sepa-
rate adult social life and kids’ social life.
What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?
Explaining to others (especially other parents) that dads
are also great in this role. Many people seem to think there is
a hidden agenda or that this is an easy role or that dads are Our services include:
not as good as moms in this job. • In-salon and home head lice removal
Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD? • In business since 1999
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Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
We love the Monterey Bay Aquarium, the Oakland Zoo
and Santa Cruz beaches.

August Stofferahn Call 877-285-0069

Like Bhaskaran, August Stofferahn of San Francisco has
2238 Fillmore Street
had two stints as a stay-at-home dad to his children. The first
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■ Rebel Dad (rebeldad.com) – “The stay-at-home dad rev- with this ad! (249-2229)

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a former SAHD.
■ Doodaddy (Doodaddy.net) – “A San Francisco Stay-At-
Home Dad Getting the Hang of Things.” Bay Area Parent
columnist Graham Charles chronicles life as a stay-at-
home-dad to 2-year-old Fern.
■ East Bay Dads (eastbaydads.com) – A community for
dads in the East Bay, EBD is an energetic group of fathers
Dr. YVONNE WONG, D.D.S.
with infants, toddlers, preschoolers and school-aged chil-
dren. Practice Limited to Children & Teens with emphasis
■ Mr. Dad (mrdad.com) – A Web site from parenting on prevention for infants & toddlers
expert and Oakland resident Armin Brott, founder of Recognized Specialist by American Dental Association
MrDad.com.
963 E. Hillsdale Children Oriented
– Dana Young Foster City 650-377-0281 Staff
Open evenings and weekends
650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 25
 fathers’ day

months.
What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?
Trying to do too much, and messing up one of the boys’
KATHLEEN BRENNAN TAVAREZ, D.D.S., M.S. schedules on a daily basis.
Multiple Options Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?
For Giving You The Smile “Does your wife work?”
You Always Wanted: Most annoying thing someone has said?
• Clear Braces “Does your wife work?”
• Traditional Metal Braces One thing you want people to know about being a
• Invisalign SAHD?
You are going to gain a new level of appreciation for your
mother.
Complimentary Do you think society is becoming more accepting of
Exams for New SAHDs?
Patients The invisible way Everyone from moms to nannies to employers thinks it’s
Convenient to straighten your teeth
without braces.
perfectly fine, but we do live in San Francisco.
Payment Plans How do you think it is different for SAHDs versus
Menlo Park San Carlos SAHMs?
The work that moms do is much more likely to be taken
650.329.9600 650.592.3111 for granted.
800 Menlo Ave., #101 1785 San Carlos Ave. #7 Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
Menlo Park, CA 94025 San Carlos, CA 94070 Old Mill Park in Mill Valley, West Portal/playground,
www.drtavarez.com Corte Madera Town Park, and of course, “Friday Night
Movie Night Party.” ■

Dana Young is a freelance writer living in Oakland.

By the Numbers
■ 66.3 million – Estimated number of fathers across
the nation today. (U.S. Census Bureau)

■ 26.4 million – Number of fathers who are part of

married-couple families with their own children under
the age of 18. (U.S. Census Bureau)

■ 159,000 – Estimated number of stay-at-home dads in

2006 (U.S. Census 2007). This is up 16,000 from 2005
(143,000 at-home dads, U.S. Census 2006). These married
fathers with children younger than 15 have remained out
of the labor force for more than one year and care prima-
rily for the family while their wives work outside the
home. According to the data:

■ 283,000 – children cared for in U.S. by SAHDs

■ 60% had two or more children
■ 40% had an annual family income of $50,000 or more
■ 35% had children younger than three years of age liv-
ing with them

■ 37% – Number of men in the workforce who would

consider “stay-at-home fatherhood” (careerbuilder.com)

26 Bay Area Parent | June 2008