Crazy Love by Steven Pinker, Time, 2008

Our partners may be obsessive, possessive, even dangerous. There's a reason we stick
around--often at our own peril. Why do fools fall in love? And when we do fall, why do our
faculties of reason--and decency and self-respect and even right and wrong--sometimes not
come along? For that matter, why would anyone reciprocate the love of a partner who has
come so romantically unhinged?
The thought of a loved one can turn our wits upside down, ratchet up our heart rate,
impel us to slay dragons and write corny songs. We may become morose, obsessive, even
violent. Lovesickness has been blamed on the moon, on the devil, but whatever is behind it, it
doesn't look like the behavior of a rational animal trying to survive and reproduce. But might
there be a method to this amorous madness?
During the decades that the concept of human nature was taboo in academia, many
scholars claimed that romantic love was a recent social construction. It was an invention of
the Hallmark-card poets or Hollywood scriptwriters or, in one theory, medieval troubadours
extolling the adulterous love of a knight for a lady.
For anyone who has been under love's spell, these theories seem preposterous, and so
they are. Nothing so primal could have been created out of thin air as a mere custom or
product. To the contrary, romantic love is a human universal. In 1896 a Kwakiutl Indian in
southern Alaska wrote the lament "Fire runs through my body--the pain of loving you," which
could be the title of a bad power ballad today. Similar outpourings of passion can be found all
over the world from those with broken hearts.
Romantic infatuation is different from both raw lust and the enduring commitment that keeps
lovers together long after their besottedness has faded. We all know the symptoms: idealized
thoughts of the loved one; swings of mood from ecstasy to despair, insomnia and anorexia;
and the intense need for signs of reciprocation. Even the brain chemistry is different: lust is
fueled (in both sexes) by testosterone, and companionate love by vasopressin and oxytocin.
Romantic passion taps the same dopamine system that is engaged by other obsessive drives
like drug addiction.
For all this, there may be a paradoxical logic to romantic love. Imagine a world
without it, a world of rational shoppers looking for the best available mate. Unsentimental
social scientists and veterans of the singles scene know that this world is not entirely unlike
our own. People shop for the most desirable person who will accept them, and that is why
most marriages pair a bride and a groom of roughly equal desirability. The 10s marry the 10s,
the 9s marry the 9s and so on. That is exactly what should happen in a marketplace where you
want the best price you can get (the other person) for the goods you're offering (you).
But we also know this isn't the whole picture. Most daters find themselves at some
point with a match who ought to be perfect but with whom for some reason the chemistry isn't
there. Why do the principles of smart shopping give us only the rough statistics of mate
choice, not the final pick?
The reason is that smart shopping isn't enough; both parties have to close the deal.
Somewhere in this world lives the best-looking, richest, smartest person who would settle for
you. But this ideal match is hard to find, and you may die single if you insist on waiting for
such a mate to show up. So you choose to set up house with the best person you have found
so far.
Your mate has gone through the same reasoning, which leaves you both vulnerable.
The law of averages says that someday one of you will meet an even more desirable person;
maybe a newly single Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie will move in next door. If you are always
going for the best you can get, at that point you will dump your partner pronto. But your
partner would have invested time, child rearing and forgone opportunities in the relationship
by that point. Anticipating this, your mate would have been foolish to enter the relationship in
the first place, and the same is true for you. In this world of rational actors, neither of you
could thus take the chance on the other. What could make you trust the other person enough
to make that leap?
One answer is, Don't accept a partner who wanted you for rational reasons to begin
with. Look for someone who is emotionally committed to you because you are you. If the

emotion moving that person is not triggered by your objective mate value, that emotion will
not be alienated by someone who comes along with greater mate value than yours. And there
should be signals that the emotion is not faked, showing that the person's behavior is under
the control of the involuntary parts of the brain--the ones in charge of heart rate, breathing,
skin flushing and so on. Does this emotion sound familiar?
This explanation of infatuation was devised by the economist Robert Frank on the
basis of the work of Nobel laureate Thomas Schelling. Social life is a series of promises,
threats and bargains; in those games it sometimes pays to sacrifice your self-interest and
control. An eco-protester who handcuffs himself to a tree guarantees that his threat to impede
the logger is credible. The prospective home buyer who makes an unrecoverable deposit
guarantees that her promise to buy the house is credible. And suitors who are uncontrollably
smitten are in effect guaranteeing that their pledge of love is credible.
And this gets us to the dark side of romance. Threats, no less than promises, must be
backed up by signs of commitment. A desperate lover in danger of being abandoned may
resort to threatening his wife or girlfriend (yes, his; it's usually a man). The best way to
prevent her from calling his bluff is in fact not to bluff--to be the kind of hothead who is crazy
enough to do it. Of course, if he does make good on the threat, everyone loses (which is why
the judicial system must make good on its threat to punish violent thugs).
This perverse logic of promises and threats lies behind the observation on romance
offered by George Bernard Shaw: "When we want to read of the deeds that are done for love,
whither do we turn? To the murder column."
Vocabulary
1. Find words in the text with the following definitions:
1. a ..............peril.......... = a serious danger
2. to ........unhinge................ smb = to make somebody mentally ill
3. to ....................ratch/ rack.... smth up = to increase, or make something increase, repeatedly and
by small amounts
a ........................ = roat cu clichet
4. to ..................impel...... smb to do smth = to cause a feeling that one should do smth
5. to.....................slay...= to kill somebody/something in a war or a fight, to murder
6. ..............corny.......... (adj) = not original; used too often to be interesting or to sound sincere
7. ..............morose.......... (adj) = unhappy, bad-tempered and not talking very much
8. to ........................= to praise somebody/something very much
9. .............madness?........... (adj) = completely unreasonable, especially in a way that is shocking or
annoying
10. ......infatuation............... = very strong feelings of love or attraction for somebody/something,
especially when these are unreasonable and do not last long
11. ...................besotted.....with/by smb (adj) = loving somebody/something so much that you do not
behave in a sensible way
12. to ..............rear........ smb/smth = to care for young children or animals until they are fully grown
13. to ........................ = to decide not to have or do something that you would like to have or do
14. to .............flush........... = to become red, especially because you are embarrassed, angry or hot
15. to ........................ = to invent something new or a new way of doing something
16. to .............impede........... = to delay or stop the progress of something
17. a .............logger.........../lumberjack = a person whose job is cutting down trees or cutting or
transporting wood
18. ........................ (adj) = potential/forthcoming
19. a ........................= a man who wants to marry a particular woman
20. to ......smite............../smote/smitten = to hit somebody/something hard
........................ by/with smb/smth = severely affected by a feeling/disease
21. a ........................ = a serious promise

22. to ........................ smb's ........................ = when someone pretends to be about to do something, and
another person challenges them to actually do it
23. to ............ ............ on smth = to give back money that you owe someone, or to keep a promise to
do something
24. a .........hothead?............... = a tough and violent man, esp. a criminal
25. ........................ [w] = to what place?/ to what purpose?
2. Fill in the gaps with one of the words in ex. 1 in a suitable form.
A.
St George ..........slayed.............. the dragon. There are various reasons that .............draw........... me to
that conclusion. He was staring ........................ out of the window. Her mind was ........................ by the
death of her child and she never recovered. He is completely ................infatuated........ with his new
girlfriend. She ........................with anger. Overuse of credit cards has ........................ up consumer debt
to unacceptable levels. The country's economy is now in grave ......................... I know it sounds
........................, but it really was love at first sight! Will the government honour its election
........................ not to raise taxes? Tom ......... ...............on his promise to paint the living room. No one
was prepared to ........................ their lunch hour to attend the meeting. ........................ buyers are
invited to view the property tomorrow. Lions usually manage to ........................ about half the number
of cubs born to them. They ........................ a fiendish plan to snare the two children. Economic growth
is ........................ by governmental regulations. From the moment they met, he was completely
........................ by her. He said he was about to leave her forever, in an effort to make her jealous, but
she ........................ his ........................and made him leave.
B.
She seemed blissfully unaware of the ........................ she was in. He felt ........................ to investigate
further. Two passengers were ........................ by the hijackers. I want to ........... .............on that loan I
got from Joan. I hate his awful ........................ jokes. She just sat there saying nothing, biting her nails,
looking ......................... It isn't love, it's just a passing ......................... She ........................ a family of
five on her own. She was suddenly ........................ with remorse. When she got pregnant she had to
........................ all college plans. Management has given a ........................ that there will be no job
losses this year. Sam felt her cheeks ........................ red. A new system has been ........................ to
control traffic in the city. Work on the building was ........................ by severe weather. They are worried
about ........................ changes in the law. Suddenly my conscience ........................ me.
........................are we wandering?
Comprehension - True/False
1. The effects of romantic love are described in a positive light in the first part of the article T
2. Love is considered to be a recent cultural construct by the author
F
3. There was a time when scholars did not think human nature should be studied
T
4. The author believes that love is a human instinct T
5. Infatuation is similar to lust and companionate love
F
6. The three manifestations of love are based on different neurological mechanisms
7. There cannot be a rational motivation behind romantic love F
8. Romantic matching follows market rules to some extent
T
9. Choosing a partner based on rational calculation is the most reasonable option according to the
author F
10. Irrational selfless behaviour is a guarantee that the lovers' commitment is real
F