1

00:00:05,494 --> 00:00:06,576

Good morning, Dwight.
2
00:00:09,687 --> 00:00:11,343
Who are you?
3
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,010
Who am I?
4
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,282
I'm Jim.
5
00:00:14,328 --> 00:00:16,584
We've been working together
for 12 years.
6
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,508
Weird joke, Dwight.
7
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,414
You're not Jim.
8
00:00:19,445 --> 00:00:20,844
Jim's not Asian.
9
00:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,501
You seriously never noticed?
10
00:00:22,521 --> 00:00:25,556
Hey, hats off to you
for not seeing race.
11
00:00:27,941 --> 00:00:29,542
All right then, Jim.
12
00:00:29,912 --> 00:00:31,606
Uh, why don't you
tell me about that sale
13
00:00:31,624 --> 00:00:33,569
that you made yesterday?
14
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,201
Uh, Wellington Systems?
15

00:00:35,216 --> 00:00:37,875

Sold them ten cases
of 24-pound letter stock.
16
00:00:37,981 --> 00:00:39,798
Or were you talking
about Krieger-Murphy?
17
00:00:39,823 --> 00:00:41,104
Because I didn't close
that one yet,
18
00:00:41,123 --> 00:00:43,719
but I'm hoping I've got a
voicemail from Paul Krieger
19
00:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,558
waiting for me.
20
00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:48,792
Please enter your password.
21
00:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,399
You have one new message.
22
00:00:55,437 --> 00:00:56,376
How did you know?
23
00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,823
No!
No, no.
24
00:00:57,872 --> 00:00:59,171
That is sensitive information.
25
00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:01,479
Only for employees,
not outsiders!
26
00:01:01,497 --> 00:01:03,004
Dwight, cut it out.
I'm trying to work.
27
00:01:03,054 --> 00:01:05,148
You don't work here!
You're not Jim!
28

00:01:05,173 --> 00:01:07,204

Jim, I got us
that dinner reservation.
29
00:01:07,256 --> 00:01:08,556
- Grico's, 7:30.
- Oh, great.
30
00:01:08,576 --> 00:01:10,701
Can't wait.
31
00:01:13,021 --> 00:01:14,682
Jim's at the dentist
this morning,
32
00:01:14,722 --> 00:01:17,056
and Steve is
an actor friend of ours.
33
00:01:17,102 --> 00:01:19,015
I don't know who you are,
34
00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,962
but you are not Jim.
35
00:01:20,995 --> 00:01:23,696
<i>This</i> is Jim!
36
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,068
Oh, my-37
00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:31,370
oh, d-oh, how did-38
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,953
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
39
00:01:55,142 --> 00:01:57,517
Hey, study buddies!
40
00:01:57,581 --> 00:01:59,204
Oh. Okay.
41
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,293

Getting things done. Awesome!

42
00:02:01,339 --> 00:02:03,983
It's all about finding ways
to make yourself more efficient.
43
00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:05,249
Life hacking, baby.
44
00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:07,156
This morning, I brushed my teeth
in the shower.
45
00:02:07,158 --> 00:02:08,991
Saved myself 90 seconds.
46
00:02:08,993 --> 00:02:10,576
Which I just used
to explain this to you.
47
00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:11,911
Damn it.
48
00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:15,129
Since Andy promoted me
to Assistant Regional Manager,
49
00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,522
I've been trying
to step my game up.
50
00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:18,210
You know, be more productive.
51
00:02:18,278 --> 00:02:19,479
In fact, you know what?
52
00:02:19,513 --> 00:02:21,021
Let's knock out a few more of
these sound bites
53
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,008
while we're here.
54
00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:26,008
Whoa.
That person has really

55
00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:30,095
gotten him-- or herself-into quite a predicament.
56
00:02:30,097 --> 00:02:32,648
<i>S'il vous plait...</i>
57
00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:35,601
<i>Dites-moi...</i>
58
00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:40,973
Ah, French.
59
00:02:40,975 --> 00:02:42,825
It's a great language.
60
00:02:42,827 --> 00:02:45,361
If you're
a chain-smoking acrobat.
61
00:02:45,363 --> 00:02:47,863
I'm just trying to fit in
better with Andy's family.
62
00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:49,949
They all speak
more than one language.
63
00:02:49,951 --> 00:02:51,533
Usually when I'm there.
64
00:02:51,535 --> 00:02:53,502
You want to learn a really
impressive second language?
65
00:02:53,504 --> 00:02:54,753
Try Dothraki.
66
00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:56,205
Win over any man in my guild.
67
00:02:56,207 --> 00:02:58,340
Dothraki is the native tongue
of the nomadic,
68

00:02:58,342 --> 00:03:01,126

war-mongering horse lords
of Essos, as featured
69
00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:04,630
in the superb Home Box Office
series <i>Game of Thrones.</i>
70
00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,265
It has a lot of nudity.
71
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,685
Which I fast-forward through
to get to the chopped-off heads.
72
00:03:09,687 --> 00:03:11,854
I could teach you if you want,
it's a lot easier than French.
73
00:03:11,856 --> 00:03:12,972
Yeah.
Let's do it.
74
00:03:12,974 --> 00:03:14,723
<i>- Athdavrazar!</i>
- Oh-75
00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,191
It means "excellent."
76
00:03:16,193 --> 00:03:17,192
And we have begun.
77
00:03:20,982 --> 00:03:22,014
Is everything okay?
78
00:03:22,016 --> 00:03:23,348
Hmm?
79
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:24,650
Oh-oh, yeah.
80
00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:26,235
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.
81
00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,020

Fine, fine, fine.

82
00:03:28,022 --> 00:03:30,239
I mean, I d-I just don't want to burden you
83
00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,157
with my massive
stress freak-outs.
84
00:03:32,159 --> 00:03:33,575
Great.
85
00:03:33,577 --> 00:03:36,328
It's just that I am taking
my driver's license test
86
00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:38,714
in two days,
and I need to practice
87
00:03:38,716 --> 00:03:40,299
with an experienced driver
in the car.
88
00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:42,084
But I've had no time
to do that,
89
00:03:42,086 --> 00:03:45,337
thanks to "Demandy."
90
00:03:45,339 --> 00:03:48,040
I just want
to hit the open road
91
00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:51,376
and drive, man.
But...
92
00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,561
in whose car?
93
00:03:52,563 --> 00:03:54,763
Nellie!
94
00:03:54,765 --> 00:03:57,683

Get your wrinkly old balls

in here.
95
00:04:02,023 --> 00:04:05,157
Nellie, I could practice
with you in my car at lunchtime.
96
00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:06,391
Oh, Pam, thank you.
97
00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:08,811
You are my savior.
98
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,247
- Oh, my God-- Ohh-99
00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:15,701
I'm sorry I'm leaving
you alone for lunch.
100
00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,870
Don't worry about it.
101
00:04:17,872 --> 00:04:20,873
I have a thing.
102
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:22,708
A thing of soup.
103
00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:27,129
Which I've been wanting to try.
104
00:04:27,131 --> 00:04:29,414
This is my research
105
00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:31,750
into how we might produce
child-proof paper
106
00:04:31,752 --> 00:04:33,936
that doesn't give you
paper cuts.
107
00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:35,104
We can't.

108
00:04:35,106 --> 00:04:38,891
And here is a printout
of your genealogy
109
00:04:38,893 --> 00:04:40,442
from thisisyourfamilytree.com.
110
00:04:40,444 --> 00:04:42,561
Executive-summary me.
Hit the highlights.
111
00:04:42,563 --> 00:04:44,096
Well, it turns out
112
00:04:44,098 --> 00:04:46,982
you are
a distant blood relative
113
00:04:46,984 --> 00:04:50,069
of Michelle Obama.
114
00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,203
- As in-- Wife of Barack,
115
00:04:51,205 --> 00:04:54,406
loves gardening,
wants to wipe out fat children.
116
00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:56,325
Wow.
117
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:58,744
This is
super-flattering.
118
00:04:58,746 --> 00:05:02,831
She's the most popular person
in America.
119
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:05,067
This is a big day
for both of us.
120
00:05:05,069 --> 00:05:06,752
My fellow Americans,

121
00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,670
I have a feeling
my approval rating
122
00:05:08,672 --> 00:05:11,123
is about to go
through the roof.
123
00:05:11,125 --> 00:05:16,461
Turns out, I am
related to Michelle Obama.
124
00:05:16,463 --> 00:05:18,564
I was intimidated
by Andy's family before.
125
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,517
And now I have to see
the First Lady at holidays?
126
00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:22,651
She's gonna be like,
127
00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:24,153
"what's your stance
on politics?"
128
00:05:24,155 --> 00:05:26,605
Or, "what is
the best war to do?"
129
00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,907
And I will just be like,
130
00:05:28,909 --> 00:05:30,526
"duh--"
131
00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:31,660
All right!
132
00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:34,079
We gotta get rid of
all this junk food.
133
00:05:34,081 --> 00:05:35,697
Get fit, America!

134
00:05:35,699 --> 00:05:39,284
Not sure if the buzz has reached
the annex yet, but, uh,
135
00:05:39,286 --> 00:05:42,671
I'm related to Michelle Obama.
136
00:05:45,592 --> 00:05:46,825
Yeah, we noticed early on
137
00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:48,794
Andy really appreciates
enthusiasm.
138
00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:50,596
So we decided the best way
to get ahead here
139
00:05:50,598 --> 00:05:51,880
is to be his cheerleaders.
140
00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:54,383
Ohh!
141
00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,559
It's starting to have this
reverse effect, though,
142
00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:06,311
where I really do think
the stuff he does is awesome.
143
00:06:06,313 --> 00:06:07,863
Yeah, me too.
It's weird.
144
00:06:07,865 --> 00:06:09,648
Hard to remember what's real
at this point.
145
00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:12,317
Just clap through it, man.
146
00:06:12,319 --> 00:06:15,237
You're logging sales
at ten different times.

147
00:06:15,239 --> 00:06:18,123
If you log 'em all at once,
you save a lot of time.
148
00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:19,124
It's called batching.
149
00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:20,242
This is really good, Darryl.
150
00:06:20,244 --> 00:06:21,794
Life hacking, man.
151
00:06:21,821 --> 00:06:22,803
There he is!
152
00:06:22,828 --> 00:06:24,134
Andy, you gotta
check this out. He just-153
00:06:25,466 --> 00:06:28,417
Right now I need
canned tuna, okay?
154
00:06:28,419 --> 00:06:31,303
Darryl, guess
which talented individual
155
00:06:31,305 --> 00:06:33,472
who also has
a killer singing voice
156
00:06:33,474 --> 00:06:35,641
is related to the First Lady.
157
00:06:35,643 --> 00:06:37,509
Tracee Ellis Ross.
158
00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:41,313
Daughter of the First Lady
of Motown, Diana Ross.
159
00:06:41,315 --> 00:06:42,347
It's me!
160
00:06:42,349 --> 00:06:43,816

I'm related to Michelle Obama.

161
00:06:43,818 --> 00:06:45,517
What?
Really?
162
00:06:45,519 --> 00:06:47,486
I mean, it's distant,
but-163
00:06:47,488 --> 00:06:50,088
That's cool, man.
164
00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:51,323
Right?
165
00:06:51,325 --> 00:06:54,226
Darryl said,
"cool, man."
166
00:06:54,228 --> 00:06:56,561
He called me a cool man.
167
00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:01,917
You know, I really do think it
would be worth it to pull over
168
00:07:01,919 --> 00:07:03,502
and just take
ten minutes to eat.
169
00:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,838
Mm-the thing is, Pam,
170
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,589
I'm gonna be eating
while I'm driving,
171
00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:09,041
so I might as well
get good at it.
172
00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,543
Brake lights. Brake lights,
brake lights, brake lights!
173

00:07:11,545 --> 00:07:13,378

Whoo!
174
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,881
I'm just saying, what does it
imply in this country
175
00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:18,550
when a white person shares
an ancestor with a black person?
176
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:21,186
You think that Andy's family
owned slaves?
177
00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:23,588
Well, somebody owned somebody.
178
00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:27,192
And I don't think anybody
would buy an Andy.
179
00:07:27,194 --> 00:07:28,277
I throat-rip.
180
00:07:28,279 --> 00:07:29,645
<i>Foth aggendak.</i>
181
00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:30,863
You throat-rip.
182
00:07:30,865 --> 00:07:32,097
<i>Foth aggendi.</i>
183
00:07:32,099 --> 00:07:33,649
He-she-it throat-rips.
184
00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:34,700
<i>Foth aggenda.</i>
185
00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:35,934
More of a barbaric growl.
186
00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:37,369
<i>Foth aggenda.</i>
187

00:07:37,371 --> 00:07:39,321

Louder. You're shouting it
from the back of a horse.
188
00:07:39,323 --> 00:07:41,073
<i>Foth aggenda!</i>
189
00:07:41,075 --> 00:07:43,909
Pretty crazy about Andy
and Michelle Obama, huh?
190
00:07:43,911 --> 00:07:46,211
Yeah.
191
00:07:46,213 --> 00:07:48,997
It's almost unbelievable.
192
00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:50,048
What?
193
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,717
Well, do you know how
Andy has been
194
00:07:51,719 --> 00:07:54,619
really salting
my onions lately?
195
00:07:54,621 --> 00:07:55,888
Sure.
196
00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:58,056
Well, when he asked me
to look up his ancestry online,
197
00:07:58,058 --> 00:08:00,058
I remembered that news story
about Michelle Obama
198
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,511
having white relatives,
and I just knew
199
00:08:02,513 --> 00:08:04,963
he would eat that up.
200
00:08:04,965 --> 00:08:07,399

So he's not related

to Michelle Obama?
201
00:08:07,401 --> 00:08:08,767
Pam,
202
00:08:08,769 --> 00:08:13,739
I barely know how
to turn on my computer.
203
00:08:13,741 --> 00:08:15,991
Nellie's pretty fearless.
204
00:08:15,993 --> 00:08:19,828
And I think she might be
maybe even almost sort of fun.
205
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,163
Pam!
206
00:08:24,817 --> 00:08:26,335
Well, if there's another
explanation,
207
00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:28,870
I don't really see
what it could possibly be.
208
00:08:28,872 --> 00:08:30,255
I-209
00:08:30,257 --> 00:08:32,257
What's going on here?
210
00:08:32,259 --> 00:08:34,343
I'm related
to the First Lady, okay?
211
00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:36,128
Get over it.
212
00:08:36,130 --> 00:08:38,297
I still need weekly
status reports from most of you.
213
00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:41,383
So can we get

back to work, please?

214
00:08:41,385 --> 00:08:42,551
Get back to work.
215
00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:47,222
Andy-216
00:08:47,224 --> 00:08:48,273
Andy, no!
217
00:08:48,275 --> 00:08:50,175
I would be very polite today.
218
00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:51,843
Why, is it employees' day
or something?
219
00:08:51,845 --> 00:08:53,946
I cannot keep track
of these BS holidays.
220
00:08:53,948 --> 00:08:55,847
Your connection
to Michelle Obama
221
00:08:55,849 --> 00:08:59,351
has certain negative
connotations.
222
00:08:59,353 --> 00:09:01,853
Most likely,
your family were...
223
00:09:01,855 --> 00:09:04,039
slave owners.
224
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:05,574
Does anyone else
think it's possible
225
00:09:05,576 --> 00:09:08,627
that I come from slave owners?
226
00:09:11,998 --> 00:09:14,499
Whoa.
That person has really

227
00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:17,052
gotten him-- or herself-into quite a predicament.
228
00:09:18,485 --> 00:09:20,025
Hey, mom, it's Andy.
Give me a call
229
00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:21,857
when you get a chance.
Got a quick question for you.
230
00:09:21,891 --> 00:09:24,054
Uh, no big deal, just about
America's national shame.
231
00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:26,235
Thanks, bye.
232
00:09:27,122 --> 00:09:28,154
Where were we?
233
00:09:28,197 --> 00:09:29,730
Uh-- yes,
okay.
234
00:09:29,768 --> 00:09:32,060
Your... productivity thing.
235
00:09:32,082 --> 00:09:33,399
Yes, yes, yes.
236
00:09:33,423 --> 00:09:34,380
Great.
237
00:09:34,411 --> 00:09:36,728
Ooh, spreadsheets.
Yum, yum.
238
00:09:36,987 --> 00:09:38,270
I included some
time-saving ideas.
239
00:09:38,295 --> 00:09:39,114
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh.

240
00:09:39,139 --> 00:09:40,202
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
241
00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:42,293
I'm a teensy bit
distracted right now.
242
00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:44,398
Look, Andy, even
if your ancestors
243
00:09:44,594 --> 00:09:47,512
did own slaves,
it wouldn't be your fault.
244
00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:50,177
This is only weird
if you make it weird.
245
00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,073
Right on, brother.
246
00:09:52,147 --> 00:09:53,146
Word dat.
247
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,333
Mm-248
00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:58,148
<i>- Ador!</i>
<i>- Daras.</i>
249
00:09:58,656 --> 00:09:59,469
<i>Qazer!</i>
250
00:09:59,503 --> 00:10:01,086
<i>Daras.</i>
251
00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:03,421
Does anyone here have
fermented mare's milk?
252
00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:09,540
Hey, Erin.
253

00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,092

<i>Atchomar chomakaan!</i>
254
00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:13,050
Oh-- okay.
255
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,863
Sorry.
256
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,300
Oh, still, it must be great
to have something else going on
257
00:10:17,318 --> 00:10:18,388
outside of work.
258
00:10:18,421 --> 00:10:20,221
Yeah-turn signal.
259
00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:21,735
It's exciting to be
painting again-260
00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:22,770
those are the wipers.
261
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:24,647
So the-it's just-262
00:10:24,715 --> 00:10:25,831
there you go.
Yeah.
263
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:28,909
Yeah, things get so busy
with the kids-264
00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:31,412
red light-- that it's nice
to have that creative outlet-265
00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,746
red light, red light,
red, red-266

00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,169

That is brilliant, Pam.
267
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,703
I'd love to see
some of your work.
268
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,372
Well, since we're stopped
at a light...
269
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,842
uh, here is...
270
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,845
the mural I did
for Angela's baby.
271
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:50,581
That is amazing, Pam.
272
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,934
Oh, I love
the lion in the tuxedo.
273
00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:58,589
Angela insisted that all
the animals be fully clothed.
274
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:02,943
Hey, has anyone turned in
their status reports up here?
275
00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:05,362
<i>Vos.</i>
276
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:08,098
So no?
277
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,783
Do you think maybe
you could remind people?
278
00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:12,036
I'm trying to downplay the whole
bossy-boss thing today.
279

00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,070

Because of your slaves.
280
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,574
Not my slaves, my ancestors'.
281
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,109
Maybe.
Probably not.
282
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,045
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
283
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,280
the Dothraki word
for "slave master,"
284
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,551
<i>azzafrok, is a term of respect.</i>
285
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,553
I'm learning
how to speak Dothraki.
286
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:30,787
Color you impressed?
287
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,590
- That you're learning
a made-up language
288
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,009
from HBO's <i>Game of Thrones?</i>
289
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:38,479
I have a lot going on today,
290
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:42,466
but this was
a great nerd-out.
291
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,974
Dwight, you didn't tell me
you were teaching me
292
00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:45,049

a fake language.
293
00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:46,554
People laughed at Klingon
at first,
294
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,337
and now you can major in it.
295
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:53,644
Hi, guys.
296
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,829
Hey, boss.
I am so thirsty,
297
00:11:55,831 --> 00:11:57,915
can I have a scoop of water?
298
00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:00,034
Yeah.
You don't have to ask me-299
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,005
Ha ha.
Okay, great.
300
00:12:05,007 --> 00:12:06,173
Very funny.
I get it.
301
00:12:06,175 --> 00:12:08,008
Just because my ancestors
happened to be-302
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,719
Very funny,
Kevin changed my ringtone.
303
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,003
Very funny.
304
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,473
I liked the original song
on my ringtone.
305
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,108

Which, you may remember,

306
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,360
was <i>Diamonds on the Soles</i>
<i>of Her Shoes </i>by Paul Simon,
307
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,011
featuring,
308
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:32,516
Ladysmith African-American
Mombazo.
309
00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:38,455
Good. Very good.
310
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:41,041
Oh-- no.
311
00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:43,193
Here, it's, uh,
a text from Andy.
312
00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:46,580
"New special proj.
Need fam. Tree for evbody.
313
00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:49,216
"Really dig up dirt.
ASAP."
314
00:12:49,218 --> 00:12:50,301
And then in parentheses
315
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,802
he wrote out,
"as soon as possible."
316
00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:52,970
Mm.
317
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:57,241
Ugh, looks like
it's pretendy time again.
318
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,809
Write back,

319
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,694
"looking for dirt."
320
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,496
Oh, can I help?
321
00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:05,148
We could say someone
is related to, um,
322
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,201
Tonya Harding.
323
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,487
Pam, I'm related
to Tonya Harding.
324
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:11,589
Oh-gee, I'm-325
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,675
No, I'm just
practicing my lying.
326
00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:16,827
- I love it.
- Brilliant.
327
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,963
What should we say about Jim?
328
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:22,266
Um, oh-- uh, say
he's related to Richard Nixon.
329
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,384
It's an inside joke.
330
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,269
He looks really Nixony
when he wakes up.
331
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,438
My ex behaved like Nixon.

332
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,725
All of the lying,
none of the sexual charisma.
333
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,844
I just made a joke then.
334
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:34,945
I'm sorry.
335
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,530
It's just, um-336
00:13:36,532 --> 00:13:38,048
I actually do have
this weird feeling
337
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,683
that there's something
Jim isn't telling me.
338
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,568
Oh, no.
339
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,103
Ugh, an affair.
340
00:13:43,105 --> 00:13:45,356
It is always an affair.
341
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,191
Jim?
No.
342
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,326
How can you be sure?
343
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:53,280
Because he just
loves me too much.
344
00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:56,500
You're a cocky little thing,
aren't you, Pam?
345
00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:00,537

I have done a little

genealogy research of my own.
346
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,207
Turns out I'm not the only one
with a few skeletons
347
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,342
in the ol' family closet.
348
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,911
For example,
349
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,546
Phyllis'
great-great-grandmother
350
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:12,850
was responsible for spreading
cholera to the United States.
351
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:13,934
Ew.
352
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,720
Kevin is related to both
John Wayne Gacy
353
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,389
and John Wayne Bobbitt.
354
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,858
And John Wayne?
355
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,359
No. Not that
I see here.
356
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,145
Wayne Johnson?
The Rock?
357
00:14:25,147 --> 00:14:28,232
You mean Dwayne, and no.
358
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,067
What about Jim Halpert?

Uh-oh.
359
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,936
Turns out, distant relative
of the reviled
360
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,822
Richard Nixon.
361
00:14:34,824 --> 00:14:36,907
Pam always says
I look like Nixon.
362
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,709
That's crazy, right?
363
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,295
I mean, there's nothing there.
364
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:46,116
Tru-365
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,535
Oh, no.
366
00:14:48,537 --> 00:14:49,636
Dwight's grandfather-367
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,422
Was a member of the Bund,
368
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,474
which is not technically
the same thing
369
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,508
as the Nazi party.
370
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:57,177
So-371
00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:59,313
I was gonna say
he was a tax evader.
372
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,315

Oh.
373
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,400
I was joking about
that whole Bund thing.
374
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,235
Oh-ho, the look
on your faces.
375
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,940
And Meredith
is a blood relative
376
00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:11,024
of Lizzie Borden.
377
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,020
Cool.
378
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:14,601
Stop it! Stop it,
you're frightening me.
379
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,597
Andy, did you call this meeting
380
00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:18,553
just to talk junk
about our families?
381
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,650
Yeah, that-- you're being
really mean.
382
00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,986
No, I'm proving a point, okay?
383
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,654
We all have ancestors
who may have
384
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:26,823
done horrible things
in the past.
385
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,259

But it's in the past,

and it's not our fault.
386
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,161
So we don't have
to talk about it.
387
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,514
The difference is, Andy,
that you're the only one here
388
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,350
still benefitting
from the terrible things
389
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,501
your ancestors did.
390
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,304
Might have done,
and how do you figure?
391
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,972
Your family's rich.
392
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,357
I have to believe
that a big part
393
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,009
of the Bernard fortune was
earned on the backs of slaves.
394
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,144
You know, there's nothing wrong
395
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,845
with being successful
in America, Oscar.
396
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,231
I'm not gonna apologize
for my family's wealth.
397
00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:54,684
That wealth could one day
benefit society,

398
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:56,670
if capital gains are ever
taxed at the same rate
399
00:15:56,672 --> 00:15:57,721
as earned income.
400
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,375
Okay, Kevin did that.
401
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,044
I do not wish I was in Dixie.
402
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,295
Hey, mom.
How are you?
403
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,215
Did any Bernards ever own
404
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,552
a plantation in the South?
405
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,137
She said no.
Take that!
406
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,439
Follow-up question,
did any Bernards
407
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,475
ever make money
in an unsavory way?
408
00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:24,615
I just asked you-409
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,533
why didn't you
used to say that?
410
00:16:26,535 --> 00:16:28,235
Okay, stop, stop.
411
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,486

Stop talking.
Stop talking.
412
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,489
That's-- no.
I don't want to know that.
413
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,874
Okay, you're interrupting
a meeting.
414
00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:34,908
I have to go.
415
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,661
Love you.
Bye.
416
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,048
Well, turns out the Bernards
of yore did not own slaves.
417
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:42,299
Really.
418
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,884
We merely transported them.
419
00:16:43,886 --> 00:16:47,721
Which, at worst,
makes us amoral middlemen.
420
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,087
Yo, D-Dog.
I need your help.
421
00:16:56,111 --> 00:16:57,718
I'm trying to think of things
I can say that make it
422
00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,222
sound like I had a sore
difficult childhood
423
00:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,078
than I actually had.
424

00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,596

- You gonna po' mouth.
- Exactly.
425
00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:03,051
Help me po' mouth, Darryl.
426
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,196
Actually, Andy,
you promised me five minutes
427
00:17:05,314 --> 00:17:06,908
to talk about productivity
suggestions-428
00:17:06,939 --> 00:17:09,027
What if I said
that my dad beat me,
429
00:17:09,201 --> 00:17:11,652
and I just left out
the croquet of it all?
430
00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:14,129
Or, I could just go all the way
431
00:17:14,164 --> 00:17:15,552
and say I grew up
in an apartment.
432
00:17:15,591 --> 00:17:17,324
Or is that too crazy?
433
00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:19,276
That could work.
434
00:17:19,278 --> 00:17:20,994
You know, Darryl, this is
435
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,463
textbook assistant regional
manager stuff here,
436
00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:26,299
and I feel like I'm doing
all the heavy lifting.
437

00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,702

I'm coming up
with all the ideas here.
438
00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:30,721
I'm going for a walk.
439
00:17:30,723 --> 00:17:32,756
Okay.
440
00:17:38,179 --> 00:17:39,846
Good...
441
00:17:39,848 --> 00:17:40,981
Good, and-442
00:17:53,578 --> 00:17:55,112
You doing all right, man?
443
00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:57,447
I'm done.
444
00:17:57,449 --> 00:17:59,583
I gotta get out of here.
445
00:17:59,585 --> 00:18:01,084
Yeah.
446
00:18:01,086 --> 00:18:04,037
Not the easiest day to be
Assistant Regional Manager.
447
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,840
It's not just today,
it's every day.
448
00:18:06,842 --> 00:18:08,759
Seems like
the better title I have,
449
00:18:08,761 --> 00:18:10,577
the stupider my job gets.
450
00:18:10,579 --> 00:18:14,097
Aw, come on, it can always
get better, right?

451
00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:16,967
Hmm.
Yeah, right.
452
00:18:16,969 --> 00:18:18,051
No, I'm serious.
453
00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,554
There's always
something better.
454
00:18:20,556 --> 00:18:21,772
Like what?
455
00:18:21,774 --> 00:18:24,641
Like, hypothetically,
456
00:18:24,643 --> 00:18:27,811
if I said that
there was another job
457
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:30,263
that you and I could both have.
458
00:18:30,265 --> 00:18:32,098
What kind of job?
459
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:37,404
Something cool,
like sports marketing, or-460
00:18:37,406 --> 00:18:38,905
does that sound like
something you'd be into?
461
00:18:38,907 --> 00:18:40,073
- Hell yeah.
- Right?
462
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,124
That sounds awesome.
463
00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:42,242
Okay, but wait.
What if I told you
464

00:18:42,244 --> 00:18:43,293

that it was in Philly?
465
00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:44,995
- So you'd have to-- I love Philly.
466
00:18:44,997 --> 00:18:46,379
Right?
467
00:18:46,381 --> 00:18:48,248
- It's not even a thought-- Not even a thought.
468
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:52,002
It's not even that far away,
I could still commute-- exactly.
469
00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:53,670
Exactly.
470
00:18:53,672 --> 00:18:55,622
All right.
471
00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:56,723
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
472
00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:58,188
So what, is this happening?
473
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,101
Oh, it's happening.
474
00:19:00,134 --> 00:19:01,466
Let's just keep it
between you and me
475
00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:03,125
- for right now, all right?
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
476
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,100
For sure, for sure, for sure.
477
00:19:04,132 --> 00:19:06,682
Man.

And Pam's into it?

478
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,124
We gotta have a talk about it,
479
00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:09,540
but I think
that she's-480
00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:10,821
I think she understands...
481
00:19:10,823 --> 00:19:12,155
- Aw, come on, man.
- ...what this is.
482
00:19:12,157 --> 00:19:13,287
I thought you had
something real.
483
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:14,518
What?
No, no, no.
484
00:19:14,572 --> 00:19:15,871
Come on.
This is real.
485
00:19:16,142 --> 00:19:17,867
It's not real
486
00:19:18,102 --> 00:19:22,155
until your wife is on board.
487
00:19:23,439 --> 00:19:25,256
So what did you
want to show me?
488
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,183
That is quite an ugly wall,
isn't it?
489
00:19:28,336 --> 00:19:30,403
Yeah.
It's really ugly.
490
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,236

Needs something, doesn't it?

491
00:19:32,262 --> 00:19:33,478
I'm thinking,
492
00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:35,993
a mural.
493
00:19:36,365 --> 00:19:37,234
You mean me?
494
00:19:37,272 --> 00:19:38,652
Yes, you.
495
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,275
You are so talented.
496
00:19:41,386 --> 00:19:43,220
It's going to be my next
special project.
497
00:19:43,222 --> 00:19:45,806
Hiring Scranton's most
dangerous young muralist
498
00:19:45,845 --> 00:19:47,689
to paint the warehouse wall.
499
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,195
Oh, my God, I love it!
500
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,656
Uh-- I-Nellie,
501
00:19:50,696 --> 00:19:52,445
this is brilliant!
502
00:19:52,747 --> 00:19:53,753
- Hey!
- Hey.
503
00:19:53,783 --> 00:19:55,366
Can I talk to you for a second?
504
00:19:55,418 --> 00:19:58,787

Anything you have

to say to her,
505
00:19:58,821 --> 00:19:59,853
you can say to me.
506
00:19:59,855 --> 00:20:00,904
She never loved you.
507
00:20:00,906 --> 00:20:02,656
What? No, I-I got this.
508
00:20:02,658 --> 00:20:03,857
Okay.
509
00:20:03,859 --> 00:20:05,024
Okay. This is his fault.
510
00:20:05,026 --> 00:20:06,507
It is not your fault.
511
00:20:06,534 --> 00:20:10,169
I am gonna find you
someone better, and rich.
512
00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:12,065
And Filipino.
513
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,430
But we'll break that
to her later.
514
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,865
You know what
this is all about?
515
00:20:17,923 --> 00:20:19,639
Yeah.
516
00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:20,707
You too, huh?
517
00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:24,210
Yeah.
518

00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:27,314

Go on, spill it.
519
00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:31,151
Tell her all the gory details,
you snake.
520
00:20:31,153 --> 00:20:32,485
Hey.
521
00:20:32,487 --> 00:20:34,170
He deserves this.
522
00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:38,024
And he said I could
get in on it too.
523
00:20:38,026 --> 00:20:40,861
Yeah.
524
00:20:40,863 --> 00:20:43,613
Oh, Pam, no.
525
00:20:43,615 --> 00:20:45,498
Oh, I can't bear to watch this.
526
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,667
I don't know what I was
so worried about.
527
00:20:47,669 --> 00:20:51,338
I have the best wife
in the world.
528
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:54,357
I still can't believe
he didn't tell me.
529
00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:03,692
I was helping
Nellie drive-530
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:06,557
Do not care.
531
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,437
<i>Fonas chek!</i>

532
00:21:13,701 --> 00:21:15,739
<i>Dothras chek!</i>
533
00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,119
I like that guy.
534
00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:23,249
We should hook him up
with Meredith.
535
00:21:23,402 --> 00:21:24,317
Hmm-536
00:21:28,737 --> 00:21:33,250
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther