A disturbing play about Mormon men, gender relations, and homophobia.

A REMEMBRANCE OF
HATRED AND LONGING

By Neil LaBute

AUTHOR'S NOTE

WISH THIS PLAY WEREN'T TRUE. 1 WlSH 1 COULD

say that Theatre is only "pretend" and nothing bad can
happen to us if we simply try harder. It would be
wonderful to settle your nerves and soothe you with a calming,
"Don't wony, it can't happen here . . ." and be done with it. But
I can't. When I wrote Bash while a graduate student at Brigham
Young University, its events were simply generated by a
curiosity to explore "What if?" (as most playwrights do) in the
context of homfic events precipitated by (and not "on")
members of the Church visiting New York City Nothing more.
Since that time, however, a story of shocking similarity was
brought to my attention by a young returned missionary; his
companion, in a fit of guilt, had revealed that an event of this
magnitude existed in his own past, never before spoken of.
And so it goes-an imitating life, life imitating an, in an
endless cyclical pattern. And where there is one story . . .
Bash is not meant to be indicative of the typical LDS lifestyle,
but neither does it suggest that these events couldn't happen.
Moreover, our Mormon authors must continue to examine
NEIL LABUTE is working on his Ph.D. in theatre at Brigham Young
University and has taught theatre at Purdue University, the
University of Kansas, and B W . He is often considered the most
promising playwright to come onto the Moimon scene in years. His
plays are writtenfor small, intimate audiences and often deal with the
darker sides ofsociety and Mormonism. His play In the Company of
Men won the Associationfor Moimon Letters 1993 awai-d in drama.
Bash was recently nominatedfor three Los Angeles Weekly theater
critic awards, including best play.

DECEMBER 1995

their society holding themselves and those around them up to

the brightness of scrutiny, if we are to flourish and grow as a
people. This doesn't mean, however, that we always want to
believe what they discover, or even see it acted out in the
"harmless" confines of the theatre. Indeed, a professor at BYU,
while allowing the play to be performed, asked me privately if
1 couldn't just make the three youths "Catholic boys instead."
Hate crimes come in all shapes and sizes . . .
Drama has always examined the particular to meditate on
the general. Medea and Hamlet are specific to their tales, but
we continue to hold modem human behavior up to their
actions as litmus tests of our own times. Anhur Miller's Willy
Loman resonates to theatre patrons in mainland China today
as strongly as he did nearly fifty years ago to Broadway's elite.
There are lessons to be learned in that strange place called a
theatre, where we go to do that thing that is foreign to so much
of our daily life: pay money to gather with (mostly) strangers
and sit in the dark listening to people lie to us, that is, to
"pretend" they are someone or something they aren't while
telling us a story that, even if based on "real events," is
dramatically slanted. And yet this ritual thrills us, moves us
and, 1 hope, teaches us. I honestly believe it is and always will
be the duty of plnj~vrightsnot to answer questions, but to ask
them. Ask them loudly and clearly, over and over again, even
when they've been raised a dozen times before. Audiences may
not want to hear that, but I'm afraid it's the truth.
In a review of Bash in the Chicago Reader, Josefa Smith (I kid
you not!) stated, "The scariest part of LaBute's indictment is
that no one is innocent." I thank her for those warm words,
but not for their praise; 1 thank her because she's dead-on
right.

PAGE 63

This play has been presented at Brigham Young University, the

University of Utah, Purdue University, and in Los Angeles and
London, as well as at Sunstone symposiums in Salt Lake City and
Chicago. Bash is the first installment in a trilogy of latter-day plays
entitled A Gaggle of Saints. A cassette audiotape of the 1992 Salt Lake
Sunstone Symposium performance of Bash is available from SUNSTONE
(tape #SL92-193).
CHARACTERS
(One man, one woman)
The original BYU cast was:
john ..................................................................... Neil LaBute
sue ............................................................................ Kym Luke
The Chicago cast was:
john .........................................................................Mark Rector
sue.............................................................................Elyse Mirto

silence. darkness.
a young, attractive couple sitting apartfrom one another: they are dressed
in the popular eveningfashion ofthe day. (when they speak, although they
appear side by side on the stage, it is obvious neither is hearing what the
other says.)
john: . . . so, okay, so there was this big bash . . .
sue: a party. . .
john: party, bash, whatever, in the city. that's what we came down
for. the thing. this church get-together is why we did it in the
first place . . .
sue: it's our old ward, second ward. i got a flyer in the mail . . .
john: couple wards together, i think, mixed, and all meeting in the
city. ballroom over at the plaza . . .
sue: which really sounded nice, you know . . .
john: 's expensive.
sue: i mean, elegant. . .
john: but that's cool, manhattan, right? always have a good time
there . . .
sue: people from high school were going . . .
john: 'cause we're juniors up in boston, so. like, there's still lots of
guys from our class . . .
sue: seniors now, mostly . . .
john: all these seniors, guys like that, who we're still in touch with.
friends, you know. . .
sue: this was just after mid-terns . . .
john: sue's a year ahead. almost. two semesters. we're juniors, but
nearly a year. . . (beat) both going to b.c. . . .
sue: boston college. you know, we almost didn't get in. i mean, both
ofus.. .
john: my gpa. but we'd decided, i mean, early-like my senior year,
back at greeley, maybe-that we'd do college together.
sue: and boston seemed about right, you know, four hours from
home. . .
john: 's a little over three, if you push it. i don't like to go crazy with
my vw,but it's only about three hours if you're really moving.
three, three-and-a-half . . .
sue: it's beautiful up around there. i mean, in new england. all that's
just gorgeous this time of year. leaves turning . . .
john: it just sounded really great, weekend back in new york. stop

PAGE 64

in, maybe say "hin to the folks . . . be good to go down for a

couple days.
sue: so i contacted the three people going to school with us . . . you
know, from our stake. three members going to b.c. as well . . .
john: one guy's even in my house, david's his name . . . didn't really
hang out with him at home or anything, different ward. but he's
cool, plays lacrosse . . .
sue: he's nice. nice guy. . .
john: ended up, we talked two other couples into going back with
us . . . guy from the house, this david guy
sue: we took his car down . . .
john: . . . and a friend of mine, tim, brother freeman, whatever. . .
from chappaqua. year behind me, but studying at b.c., same
time.. .
sue: it's a beautiful red truck he had (pause)jeep or something. . .
john: 'cause i've got this old vw,i said that, right? it's great, '73, with
the metal bumpers and all that . . . but needs a tune-up and i'm
not gonna drive four hours with all these guys . . .
sue: Irr all thought we could go down together. one car. everybody
wanted to, gonna be in the city at this hotel, live band and
everything. . .
john: and so six of us, a girl that's going out with this david from my
fraternity, karen's her name, i think . . . she was coming too. 's a
nonmember, but coming 'cause she knew the city pretty well,
grew up just off the park and they were getting along good . . . so
it's six altogether now, six for the ride and the v-dub's definitely
out of the question.
sue: david said he'd drive if we wanted.
john: 's got one of those isuzu troopers. 's roomy. big.
sue: and we're all picked up at four in the afternoon, saturday
john: same weekend as homecoming up at school . . . but we hadn't
planned on going, you know, so then sue gets the flyer and
suddenly, i'm rushing around, fighting for tuxedos, ten minutes
to six, friday afternoon! (beat) i ended up buying one, finally
peny ellis. a size big, but i got one . . . looks okay, doesn't it?
sue: it looked good on him . . . i had to put a safety pin in the pants,
in the back of them, but it was really nice when he had it on . . .
john: we left 'em in the bags, the three of us guys, hanging in the
trooper for the ride. i mean, no sense getting 'em messed up for
no reason, right?
sue: i had this dress i'd been saving . . . all taffeta. i'd been saving it
for something like this . . . did i mention that? (beat) i needed to
find some shoes, but i thought the dress was perfect . . .
john: we missed the game, conference game, too-didn't have
tickets, but we could've watched it at our place with a bunch of
guys, they always order in pizza and everything-but we said
"no," jump in with all these people . . . road trip.
sue: tim's girlfriend, patrice, i've known for years . . .
john: with about a dozen overnight bags, tuxedos hanging from all
corners of dave's isuzu . . . (beat) the girls decided to wear their
outfits . . .
sue: it was my black dress.
john: sue's got this knockout thing, kind of a cutaway in the front,
what's it called?
sue: . . . black taffeta. . .
john: rayon, i think . . . with this, i don't know, "scalloped" neckline
in the front, you know, over her chest and hardly any back to it
at all, not any sleeves. just very little on top. but chic, too, right?
classic lines. see, it's a dinner dress, dress you'd wear out to
dinner. dining. not something a girl would pick out, junior
prom, with ruffles all clotting it up . . . (beat) she looked great.

DECEMBER 1995

proud to be with her. . .

sue: i knew it'd get wrinkled, a little
. . . i did, taffeta's terrible for that,
but i thought it sounded wonderful,
you know, getting out at some
amoco, middle of connecticut, in
this wave of taffeta . . . and buying,
i don't know, a milky way, or a can
of soda. and the attendant's mouth
just hanging open at the sight of us

life, in seminary together, but i

never really saw him until he was
jogging one time . . .
john: i like to keep in shape . . .
sue: he'd always kept his hair short,
trimmed up . . .
john: my dad cut it. believe that?!
sixteen years old and my father
drags me into the kitchen, every
other sunday-he was bishop at
the time, and i asked him if this
john: i'm putting gas in, one time we
wasn't considered "work,"
stopped, and look up . . . i see
haircutting, but he just said i had a
nothing but chiffon and silk and
big mouth-anyway, could always
whatnot, miles of it, going down
count on the standard "sears
the snack aisle. that killed me! . . .
portrait" cut. (beat) i was always a
sue: i was carrying my shoes-i did
little worried about my ears. stick
find a pair, even had time to dye
out a bit . . .
them to match-but i took 'em off
sue: but i see him running, really
in the car, and i was just holding
running, blistering by people who
them in the store. so, i'm standing
are just jogging or walking and i
there, in my stockings, carrying
don't know this guy. he's cute. nice
these shoes . . .
body. and i don't know him .
john: i'll always remember that. her
(beat) kind of long hair. . .
smiling at me, through the glass
john: my dad was away for the
there. little bit of chocolate on her
summer . . . setting up this
lips . . . and holding her shoes.
computer network over in london
two actors
sue: this was going to be a great party
or some type of thing. . . i didnl
. . . (pause) . . . i could feel it.
really know or care. i could let my
in
face the audience with a
john: the ward usually threw a pretty
hair grow, that's what i saw coming
srnall dinner table in between.
good bash, i mean, times we'd go
out of the whole deal. my mom
into the city. . . had my farewell
didn't mind at all . . .
AZthou~h
their lines
it is
0
L '
there.
sue: so i put down my softball glove,
clear each is telling their story
sue: it was our anniversary . . .
and my purse and all that, and i
john: last minute, got her a corsage.
privatelsr to the audience; thev do
start runnine.
-. too. i mean. i can't
not the wrist kind, hate those . . .
keep
UP with him but i go a little
other is sn;ing.
but this was beautiful. white
slower or a little faster every so
blossoms. don't know what kind.
often so that he's catchine" me more
but they were white. i remember
quickly on every lap.
that. . .
john: i knew who she was. she was dating a guy i knew. . .
sue: i loved it! the softest pink, it was . . .john thought it was white,
sue: that was over. we broke up, like, two weeks before. he was this,
but it was really just the lightest shade of pink. the last shade of
i don't know, he'd kind of left the church, and there's this
pink it could be, before turning into something else . . . (beat)
completely bad scene at a party. the screaming. and he's sort of
and you know? he pricked his finger, john did. as he pinned it
drunk. and so it's over. i mean, we're still calling each other but
on me. pricked his index finger . . .
it's definitelv over .
john: stupid pin! . . .
john: i'd heard this. i mean, you hear everything at some time in
sue: and then. . . a spot of blood, just a drop, but he ended up with
your life, right, and this was a thing you keep up on in high
this touch of blood on his shirt . . .
school. girls you secretly like but can't get at 'cause they're dating
john: couldn't even see it if i buttoned the jacket . . .
somebody, maybe a friend, and so you file 'em away and hope
sue: but see, in a weird way, though, it excited me. the blood. is that
the guy joins the army or gets a mission call to laos or something
stupid to say? . . . probably, but it did. (beat) i mean, it was
. . . held back in school, even, and you and she end up on the
stunning to look at, you know? all that white on him, the bright
same floor, some dorm in florida. (beat) the best woul-d be, like, a
of his shirt . . . and then this splash of. . .
major football moment, touchdown to take the state
john: red. . .
championship, something majestic like that, but anything. . .
sue: . . . blood on his chest.
cam0 counselors even. would do. she was that kind of eirl . . .
john: didn't get any on her dress, however. nothing. felt good about
sue: anh we're running together now, he's pretending he's Gnded
that . . . wouldn't want to ruin her anniversary dress.
and needs to slow down and i'm just trying to keep up and
sue: six years . . .
around we go. sun going down, we're not speaking at all, and we
john: huh? believe that? six . . . well, since summer of my third year
just keep going in circles . . .
in high school. wow . . .
john: then he shows up . . .
sue: i saw him on the track one day lived six blocks away all my
sue: we really had stopped dating. but he was going to give me a

he

Bash

over la^.

not know what the

1 .

DECEMBER 1995

PAGE 65

ride home, just friendly, because the track and the softball fields
and everything are, like, three miles from my house . . .
john: he pulls his car right on the track, into the lanes. nice new
lexus, all black, that he got as a graduation gift from his dad. he
was a year or so older . . . didn't go on a mission.
sue: i slowed down a little.
john: and i can see what's coming because i know him and we've
had some laughs together. not friends, exactly, but friends of
friends, that's what we are . . .
sue: but i don't want to leave.
jdhn: this is how we first got together. it's kind of a funny story . . .
sue: so he chases me down on the track, because we just jog by
him, right around his car for a couple laps, and keep going . . .
john: why am i gonna stop? he's not my boyfriend . . .
sue: we weren't really dating. you couldn't call it that, anymore . . .
john: see, and he grabs me. turns me around, after grabbing me, he
turns me and says, "hey!" and he's holding onto me, about my
size, and one of his nails is digging into my nipple, holding my
chest like he is. he's got these, like, long nails on one hand . . .
sue: he plays guitar. he's very good . . .
john: and this hurts and i'm standing there thinking, "this doesn't
need to be happening . . . " and i turn on him. never spoke to
him the whole time, just turned on him and flipped him over.
onto the ground and started pounding on his head. it's a surface
track so he's not getting too banged up but i'rn hitting him pretty
good and sue's just standing there . . . watching.
sue: i'd never seen this happen before . . .
john: finally he stops squirming around and i hit him one more
time-you know high schoolers, right, you go a bit overboard in
a fight-and then i walk over and grab her stuff and give it to
her and we take off. lexus still sitting there, people having to jog
around it, sun dancing off the hood of the .thing as we head
home.
sue: we walked all the way . . .
john: noticed my reflection in it as we go by bloody nose! him
grabbing at me . . .
sue: . . . i had, like, two huge blisters the next day
john: and i kissed her, standing there on her porch, still didn't say
anything but we've been dating six years since then and never
heard back from the other guy after that. (beat) i shot baskets
with him about a year ago, over at the elementary, and he didn't
seem so mad or anything . . .
sue: sometimes we fight, we do, like anybody else, or break up . . .
whatever. john dated someone for a week or so, freshman year; i
met this guy in a biology class, john was on his mission. didn't
last . . . (beat) we're getting engaged this summer. we already
planned it . . .
john: point being, it's our anniversary, right, and we're hoping for
this great time and whatnot, want it all to be special. weekend in
the city, girls wanna go shopping in "the village" if there's time,
whatever. . . (beat) we talked about taking the train on the way
back, alone. sleeping car . . . (laughs) . . . i'm kidding.
sue: midterms last week, everybody just needed to get away
john: ends up we do go to my parent's house on sunday . . . dad
makes me sit down, "you look like a bushman," first thing out of
his mouth-what's he mean by that?-and he tries to give me a
haircut! halfway through my pre-med. he's still trying to cut my
bangs!
sue: i thought it was kind of funny . . . i could hear them arguing in
the other room. his hair really does look better when it's long. it
does . . .

PAGE 66

john: but that's later. anyway . . .

sue: so we make it to the city in, like, less than three hours,
weekend traffic, that's not bad.
john: does it look stupid? seriously . . . no, i mean it. are my ears
funny at all?
sue: $18.50 for ten hours' parking, that's outrageous, i thought . . .
and then we all walk over to the hotel, the guys carrying these
big dry cleaning bags over their shoulders . . .
john: we decided to go in on a room, all of us . . . not for anything, i
mean, you know . . . forget it. i'rn just telling you, so we could
change and everything. better than wrinkling our stuff up. right?
sue: we get in, still a few hours before the party's going to start, so
we all decide to use the facilities, you know, take a jacuzzi,
whatever. lots of time to get changed again . . . it was fun.
(beat) i got back into my dress . . .
john: i'rn tying up my shoes, lacing 'em up . . . she comes out of the
bathroom, like i said, this is six years we've been going together
and i'm still staring at the best-looking girl i've ever seen. i'm just
completely in love. i'm serious . . .
sue: makeup. try putting makeup on in some hotel bathroom and
you'll understand the meaning of devotion. sinks in those places.
even the plaza, are impossibly small, postage stamp of a mirror
i'rn using . . . but i want to look nice for him. (beat) i bought a
new lipstick in the lobby they had a counter there . . . it was
vivid. crimson . . .
john: she steps into the sitting room of this hotel suite, city full of
models and actresses . . . the beautiful people . . . and i can't see
anything else. 's like we're thrown back to the garden, the two of
us, watching one another across this great endless meadow, my
side still hurting from the missing rib and all, but she's revealed
to me, golden hair and a face like fresh snow and i'rn thinking
. . . hey, you know, here's why he rested on the seventh day
'cause you can't get any better than this! (beat) i mean, i'rn not so
poetic or whatever, but this is exactly what i'rn thinking.
sue: the dress helps a lot, because i'rn not going to kid myself, it
does, but i can see he's happy, and his tux looks really handsome.
it was going to be great. a really good evening, i could feel it . . .
john: and we walk downstair;, arm in arm. man, feels so nice to
stroll past all these people, i mean, rich guys, girl like that on my
arm! made me feel strong, you know? powerful . . . the crowd
almost glides apart as we approach.
sue: we've got nowhere to go. the party's not until later. . .
john: 'cause this bash is starting downtown, just kind of picking up
folks along the way, guys from home are jumping in at any point
and all set to meet at the plaza . . . later.
sue: nothing but possibilities . . . wherever we looked. i really felt
that, walking along.
john: so on and on . . . couple hours pass, david's girlfriend, this
"karen," takes the lead at some point, walking us through the
park . . . over by that one bridge, the big pond? by the delacorte
. . . moon's smiling down and all, romance hanging over a night
like this out of some storybook, some tale by, maybe, scott
fitzgerald or those guys . . . i really do love this girl. that's the
thing that's screaming out in my head right then . . .
sue: he was holding my hand so tight . . .
john: there's a swan or two out on the water. little breeze, october,
but still warm. you know how that can be . . . perfect. a perfect
night. (pause) and then, off to our left, there's this, like, patch of
woods just off the path. comes this rustling . . .
sue: i thought it might be some teenagers or who knows what. we
all started to walk a bit faster . . .

DECEMBER 1995

john: said they wanted to take a quick

john: i'm not scared but it's night, city
all around . . . what else can you
nap, just a half-hour, whatever,
then we'd go get a bite. this was,
do, girls with you? so we walk
along. (beat) and two guys, middlelike, maybe, one-thirty . . .
sue: it was a king-size bed. a gold
aged guys, 1.1. bean shirts on and
the whole thing. . . come out of the
comforter on it . . .
dark. smiling. and i don't need a
john: so, we hung out downstairs a
while, talked to some guys from
map to tell me what's been going on
home . . . david, tim, and me.
. . . (pause) . . . i don't.
sue: we all fell asleep, together on that
sue: it was just two men. walking
bed . . .
along . . . no big deal.
john: i was a touch bored. you know,
john: coming out of the weeds, they
were, off in the park alone. and
room was warm, and lots of people
we didn't recognize . . . so i
these smiles. i don't know, i just
don't know what to think about it. i
suggested a walk. "let's head over
to the park." about six, seven guys
mean, we're going to this party, all
all together. it was still nice out . . .
dressed up, what should we care,
sue: i'm not sure what time it was . . .
right? (beat) one dude looks like my
john: we strolled around a bit. over by
father, a little, it's dark but he had
the paris theatre, some guy,
that look, right? that settled,
younger guy, kicked over a garbage
satisfied sort of. . . anyway, off they
can . . . i mean, it happens. you get
head, arms linked together
and
together, doing stuff-no big-dear 5
nothing we say is ever going to
Mormon Male-Female Relationships
change what they are . . . (pause)
just garbnge . . . (pause) fifteen,
twenty minutes later we split up,
dance all night, sue as stunning as
sue: sometimes we fight, we do, like
lot of the high schoolers want to
she's ever looked and i'm telling
anybody else, or Lreak up . . . whatever.
get back to the bash, but us three,
you, i can't get that picture, the
john dated someone for a week or so,
tim, david, and me . . . no huny.
image of it, out of my head. those
freshman year; i met this guy in a
we just kind 'a wandered. hanging
smiles. i can't do it . . . (beat) but
LioIogy class, john was on his mission.
out. after a while, we shoot over
the party is great. it really is . . .
ditln't last . . . (Lent) we're getting
into central park, the 59th street
sue: i haven't danced like that in a long
engaged this summer. nre already
entrance . . . looking around,
time . . .
talking. 's really dark in there. only
planned it . . .
john: it was, like, the beginning of a
light's coming from the buildings,
magical evening . . . everything was
way off. kind of exciting . . .
right, it was pristine, you know?
sue: i thought i looked up at two, or two-fifteen . . . but i'm not
soothing. and we just kept dancing, the two of us. danced for
sure. 'cause i kept sleeping . . .
hours . . . round and round.
john: . . . and then i saw 'em. both of them. those guys . . .
sue: they'd done the whole place, the room, i mean, when we finally
sue: i was so tired . . .
got inside . . . in silvers, and golds, with these great moons, these
john: they were saying 'goodnight' . . . well, not saying it exactly
shimmering crescents hanging above us . . .
but kissing. two men, grown men, standing in this park, public
john: like smiles, like the moon smiling down . . .
park in the middle of new york and kissing like something out of
sue: i think we looked pretty nice together. looked like a couple,
a clark gable film. tongues out, and the arms around each other,
you know?
and nothing else in the world matters to these two . . .just
john: it was fun, back like that, in the city . . . 's always fun. saw a
finishing off the date, big night at the symphony, or some foreign
lot of guys we know. . .
film, who knows? but it's this "see you soon" and "thanks so
sue: my little sister was there . . . there was some boy from greeley.
much" and hands all where they shouldn't be. i mean, come on, i
he's in debate, he said. seemed nice enough . . . she likes him.
know the scriptures, know 'em pretty well, and this is wrong.
john: we ran into sue's sister, did she mention that?
(beat) we all kind 'a squeeze up against a couple trees, off in the
sue: hadn't seen her since august . . .
shadows, tim crouching on the ground, watching this. out near
john: younger sister, maureen. with some kid . . .
"the ramble." oh man . . . man! you know, you read about it, or
sue: he's not a member.
even see that film. what is it, with the "superman" guy? . . .
john: ahh, he was okay. (beat) had a good band going. reggae . . .
deathtrap, right, and you live with it. don't love it, don't condone
sue: i'd never been to the plaza before, i mean, past it, shopping and
it for the world, still, you go on living. live and let live, whatever.
whatever, with my mom, but never to it. it was tremendous! so
but this, i fig~~re,
is flaunting it. i mean, as much our park as
much glass. high white walls. it was like . . . a cake, some
theirs. and we're in town one night, that's all, one . . . and we got
wedding cake, left on the comer there. downtown. that's what it
'a witness this? (l~awse)men old enough to be our fathers, i mean,
reminded me of. . . (beat) the whole thing, though . . . the trip,
middle-ngcd, and clutching at one another like romeo and juliet!
dance and all . . . made me sleepy
(beot) they whisper something, and chuckle for a second, hand
john: sue went upstairs to our room, room we'd rentt-d, 111th karen
on each other's bottom . . . i start to feel sick. i mean it, nauseous.
and tim's girlfriend . . . patrice . . .
then a last peck on the cheek and one disappears down a trail,
sue: i'd known patrice since sunbeams . . .

DECEMBER 1995

PAGE 67

headed for the west side. he's gone.

that's how it goes, us pounding
the other, one like my father,
away, bashing him, long after he's
glances around, taking in the night,
blacked out . . . (pause) finally, we
i guess, big smile up at the moon
start to relax a bit, looking at what
. . . and he kind of casually strolls
we've done. exhausted. spent. i
over to this "men's room" fifty yards
mean, this man is not moving, may
off. concrete building, with the
never move again and we figure it's
steps down into it. whistling while
pretty much time to leave. believe
he goes . . . he was whistling. i
this, guy in the comer, sleeps
don't even stop to think this
through it all?! (beat) bcfore we go,
through, but motion the guys to
tirn leans into it one more time,
follow me.
takes a little run at it, smashing his
sue: i thought about getting out of my
foot against the bridge of this man's
dress, but i couldn't move. all of us.
nose and i see it start to give way
we were sleeping so peacefully . . .
just sort of pick up and move to
(beat) did you know patrice snores?
the other side of his face. wow.
she does . . . a little.
(beat) and then it's silence. not a
john: as we're moving down the
sound. and for the first time, we
landing into the restroom, i glance
look over at dave. tirn and me. i
at tirn . . . 's got that look. and i see
mean, really look at him. tim,
what he's thinking. i mean,
myself, that's one thing, it's
recopize
that
look
anywhere.
and
unspoken,
our bond . . . but we
don't know david. don't really
he's starting to smile . . .
Mormon Malc-MaIe Relationships
sue: i don't think i even dreamed that
know him . . . what's he thinking?
night . . .
and right then, as if to answer us
jokn: tirn Pulls me aside . . . wants to
john: before going in i tell the guys to
through revelation . . . he grabs up
know why i touched the guy. let him
hold off, wait out here for me 'ti1
the nearest trash can, big wire
kiss me. . . . but i didn't know, didn't
they got my signal. . . and that's the
mesh thing, raises it above his
Lave an answer. isn't that strange?
plan. wait for me to flush him out,
head as he whispers, "fag." i'll
. . . and you know, he never asked me
make sure no one wanders by
never forget that . . . "fag." that's
again.
when i get inside, 's like another
all. and brings that can down right
world . . . walls are exploding with
on the spine of the guy, who just
graffiti. place stinks. two bulbs bumt out. some old dude curled
son of shudders a bit, expelling some air. boom! right on his
up, asleep in the comer. and our friend's legs, i spot, patiently
back, as i'm leaning down, pulling that ring off his pinkie. (beat) i
sitting in a stall. waiting, and not a care in this world. i slip into
told you i noticed it . . . (pause) the^, and i still can't even believe
the booth next to his, start fumbling with my belt, this, hat, and
this, then tim does the most amazing thing. this'll go down, the
like clockwork, this guy's hand comes up under my side of the
record books. there, with the three of us over this guy's body, he
partition. his signal. pink fingers, wiggling up at me. imploring. i
pulls out his key chain, opens the little cylinder he's got dangling
notice this thin gold band on his little finger, catching the light.
on the end of it, and dumps the last of his oil, consecrated oil. on
(beat) so, i lay my open palm in his and two minutes later we're
this dude's forehead! i'm not kidding. . . dumps it and starts
standing near the mirrors-big pieces of stainless steel, reallyoffering up a short blessing. i mean, i'm getting delirious, this is,
standing, and sizing each other up. small talk. name's "chet," he
like, almost surreal . . . and halfway through, tim's praying along,
says, and i don't even bat an eyelash as he moves in, his lips
we all start giggling. like schoolboys, we're howling, tears
playing across my cheek. let his tongue run along my teeth and a
running down, can't catch our breath we find it all so funny!
hand, free hand, tracing down my fly . . . i just smile at him.
(beat) and that's how we leave him . . . slip out, one by one,
smile and even lick his chin for a second, for a single second.
running back toward the plaza in the dark and whooping it up
like indians, these war cries, and running with just a trace of
until i see his shoulders relax. (beat) then i whistle. i let out a
whistle that sends him stumbling back, blinking, and kind of
moonlight dancing off the pond as we go . . .
waving his hands in the air as tim and dave appear in the
sue: the phone woke me u p . . .
doorway. he looks at them, looks and comes back from his
john: we called the room from the street. wanted to take the girls
fantasies long enough to touch down on earth, a flicker in his
out to breakfast. say they'll be down in fifteen minutes . . .
eyes, realizing no good can come from this . . . and starts
(pause) we waited outside.
babbling. this guy, "chet," probably a ~ ~ .for
p .some bank on park
sue: i got the other girls up . . . took a minute, but i got them up. i
avenue, and he's babbling and wetting himself like an infant. i
felt really refreshed (pause) . . . i did.
don't remember exactly, but i thinl: he even got on his knees,
john: dave's walking around on the curb, talking to himself, and tim
down on his knees and the pleading, begging. (beat) my first shot
pulls me aside. asks me, wants to know one thing. "what?"i say
catches him against the cheek, just under the eye, and he slams
wants to know why i touched the guy let him kiss me. see, he'd
into a sink. all snot and blood running down. \nth so many of us
seen it happen. glanced inside, and seen it. (beat) but i didn't
hitting, tearing at him, it's hard to get off a clean punch but i
know, didn't have an answer. isn't that strange?
know i connect a few more times. i feel his head, the back of it,
sue: it was so quiet in the lobby as we were leaving. i started tipsoftening as we go, but i just find a new spot and move on. and
toeing out. isn't that funny?

PACE 68

DECEMBER 1995

john: i couldn't answer him, and you know, he never asked me

again. he didn't. he pointed out to me, though, that my shin had
blood on it, a misting of blood, probably off the guy as i was
getting the ring. my tux was covered, so, got 'a think quick, right.
girls coming . . . i asked tim to hit me in the face, give me a
bloody nose, so i could explain it to sue. (beat) only hurt for a
second . .
sue: we all met in front of the hotel, and i saw john5 face. aaah! all
cut up like it was . . . see, he'd fallen down, racing along the
fountain out front, balancing on it, and slipped. scraped himself
up and blood on everything. (beat) so much blood . . .
john: had a great meal . . . you know, you can't get those german
sausages for breakfast, the big fat ones, anywhere but manhattan.
you can't
sue: and i was eating my french toast, just eating along and i noticed
this glint in my water glass. a spark of light. (beat) john'd slipped
a ring in it! a beautiful gold thing . . . i loved him so much at that
moment.
john: "happy anniversary," i said . . .
sue: it was a little big, but fit pretty well. had this wonderful leaf
pattern, all the way around . . .
john: looked nice on her. i liked it . . .
sue: i kissed him there, in front of everybody, and he blushed a bit,
we all laughed. i can't tell you what a wonderful weekend we
had . . .
john: we did end up taking the amtrak back up . . . just sue and
myself. dave dropped us at grand central and, you know, lots of
"thank you" and "see you monday!" (beat) tim even gave me a
hug. first time he5 ever done that . . .
sue: it was my idea . . . the train.
john: and we saw our parents, stopped in sunday and even made it
to our meetings at the ward . . . that was really nice.
sue: i like relief societv at home so much better. . .
john: had dinner with the folks, then the late train up to boston.
sue: you know, on the way back-it5 funny, i shouldn't even bring
this up-a fight broke out. well, not really a fight, but this
argument between a man and his girlfriend. a lot of yelling. and
she stood up, and starts pulling on her coat and this guy, i mean,
middle of a crowded compartment, just backhands her. he
did . . .
john: knocked her up against the window. really hard . . .
sue: everybody got quiet. i could feel john tense up, getting all
tense, but the couple was, i don't know, kind of dirty-!?eking
and they seemed like, you know, those kind of people-i don't
know what i mean by that, exactly, but they were-so i asked
john, whispered to him, to "let it go." (beat) and you know what?
he didn't so much as bat an eyelash. just kept holding my hand.
holding it and playing with the ring on my finger. that made me
so happy. . .
john: i could see he'd given her a bloody nose . . .
sue: and they pretty much quieted down right after that. it was no
big deal . . .
john: anyway. . .
sue: anyway, we are getting engaged this summer. for sure. did i tell
you that? (pause)
john: and finally, as we tumbled along toward massachusetts, nearly
midnight . . . i could feel sue fall asleep against my shoulder. all
warm. protected.
sue: i hope it5 a fall wedding, you know? i always think they're the
most beautiful . . .
john: but not me . . . i couldn't drift off. just couldn't do it. so i sat

DECEMBER 1995

up, watching the lights dance by, the moon grinning down. and
you know, i started whistling to myself. i did . . .
sue: i was sleeping. asleep there on john's arm, but i'd swear i could
hear music . . .
john: not loud, i mean. don't even recall the tune. but i was
whistling. i was. that much i remember . . .
sue: . . . this beautiful music as i was sleeping. like the sound of
angels calling us home . . .
they sit together in silencefor a moment. finally, they rise and embrace,
waitingfor their picture to be taken. they kiss and smile broadly.
harsh blast ofa cameraiflashbulb.
silence. darkness.

MAKING TEA
Some things, you know they won't turn out
but still you think, "What the hell,
1'11 use it over anyway,"
like tea bags. Throw something away
and you admit defeat; repeat it
and you find meaning in life:
the line "So wonderfully wonderfully
wonderfully wonderfully pretty,"
the way all my boyfriends like Zen.
Some things, you know they're just gone: I
asked my mom why she never makes
.
bread anymore and I know she
likes it, likes the kneading, likes the
rising, likes the smell, likes eating
fresh bread with honey and peaches.
Some things, you know they aren't generous,
aren't nice, and still, they're the kind
of thing you ask yourself when you're
watching water in a saucepan
not boiling, but about to:
could I kill a postman?
Not worrylng who'd bring you letters
tomorrow, or after.

PAGE 69