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#5. Brain Parasites

As seen in ...
Resident Evil IV

What are they?

Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature.
There's one called toxoplasmosa gondiithat seems to devote its entire existence to
being terrifying.
This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the
intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the
rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the
beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so
the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and
intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang
out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it
doesn't even know.
Of course, those are just rats, right?

How it can result in zombies:

Hey, did we mention that half the human population on Earth is infected with
toxoplasmosa, and don't know it? Hey, maybe you're one of them. Flip a coin.
Oh, also, they've done studies and shown that the infected see a change in their
personality and have a higher chance of going batshit insane.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:

Humans and rats aren't all that different; thats why they use them to test our drugs. All
it takes is a more evolved version of toxoplasmosa, one that could to do us what it does
to the rats. So, imagine if half the world suddenly had no instinct for self-preservation or
rational thought. Even less than they do now, we mean.

If you're comforting yourself with the thought that it may take forever for such a
parasite to evolve, you're forgetting about all the biological weapons programs around
the world, intentionally weaponizing such bugs. You've got to wonder if the lab workers
don't carry out their work under the unwitting command of the toxoplasmosa gondii
already in their brains. If you don't want to sleep at night, that is.
You may be protesting that technically these people have never been dead and thus
don't fit the dictionary definition of "zombies," but we can assure you that the
distinction won't matter a whole lot once these groaning hordes are clawing their way
through your windows.

#4. Neurotoxins

As seen in ...
The movie The Serpent and the Rainbow, the upcoming Resident Evil 5 video game.

What are they?

There are certain kinds of poisons that slow your bodily functions to the point that you'll
be considered dead, even to a doctor (okay, maybe not to agood doctor). The poison
from fugu (Japanese blowfish) can do this.
The victims can then be brought back under the effects of a drug
like datura stramonium (or other chemicals called alkaloids) that
leave them in a trance-like state with no memory, but still able to
perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, moaning and shambling
around with their arms outstretched.

How it can result in zombies:

"Can?" How about "does."
This stuff has happened in Haiti; that's where the word "zombie"
comes from. There are books about it, the most famous ones by
Dr. Wade Davis (Passage of Darkness andThe Serpent and the
Rainbow). Yes, the movie The Serpent and the Rainbow was based
on this guy's actual science stuff. How much of it was fact? Well, there was that one
scene where they strapped the guy naked to a chair and drove a huge spike through his
balls. We're hoping that part wasn't true.

What is definitely true is the story of Clairvius Narcisse. He was a Haitian guy who was
declared dead by two doctors and buried in 1962. They found him wandering around the
village 18 years later. It turned out the local voodoo priests had been using naturally
occurring chemicals to basically zombify people and putting them to work on the sugar
plantations (no, really).
So, the next time you're pouring a little packet of sugar into your coffee, remember that
it may have been handled by a zombie at some point.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:

On the one hand, it's already fucking happened! So that earns it some street cred right
off the bat. But, even if some evil genius intentionally distributed alkaloid toxins to a
population to turn them into a shambling, mindless horde, there is no way to make
these zombies aggressive or cannabalistic.
Yet.

#3. The Real Rage Virus

As seen in ...
28 Days Later

What is it?
In the movie, it was a virus that turned human beings into mindless killing machines. In
real life, we have a series of brain disorders that do the same thing. They were never
contagious, of course. Then, Mad Cow Disease came along. It attacks the cow's spinal
cord and brain, turning it into a stumbling, mindless attack
cow.
And, when humans eat the meat ...

How it can result in zombies:

When Mad Cow gets in humans, they call it CreutzfeldtJakob disease. Check out the symptoms:

Changes in gait (walking)

Hallucinations
Lack of coordination (for example, stumbling and falling)
Muscle twitching
Myoclonic jerks or seizures
Rapidly developing delirium or dementia

Sure, the disease is rare (though maybe not as rare as we think) and the afflicted aren't
known to chase after people in murderous mobs. Yet.
But, it proves widespread brain infections of the Rage variety are just a matter of
waiting for the right disease to come along.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:

If the whole sudden, mindless violence idea seems far-fetched, remember that you are
just one brain chemical (serotonin) away from turning into a mindless killing machine
(they've tested it by putting rats in Deathmatch-style cages and watching them turn on

each other). All it would take is a disease that destroys the brain's ability to absorb that
one chemical and suddenly it's a real-world 28 Days Later.
So, imagine such an evolved disease, which we'll call Super Mad Cow (or, Madder Cow)
getting a foothold through the food supply. Say this disease spreads through blood-onblood contact, or saliva-on-blood contact. Now you have a Rage-type virus that can be
transmitted with a bite.

Just like the movie. With one bite, you're suddenly the worst kind of zombie:
A fast zombie.

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