Youre in the waiting room, absentmindedly scrolling through your twitter

feed when the notification comes in - two words and and two hashtags that
makes your breath catch in your throat, time stopping and rewinding.
@BTS_twt
New Cover
#Chrysalis #

Disbelievingly you tap the link, bringing up a black and white video and an
introduction that takes you back, back to a different country, a different
decade, surrounded by different people and you remember sunny summers
at university and dimly lit bars, rapping for a captivated audience of ten or
twenty and yeah, maybe you miss it a little.
The sound of heels clicking against linoleum snaps you harshly out of your
reverie and you hastily reply to the tweet, forgetting, in your rush, to switch
out of your official twitter account, before locking your phone and making
your way over to your flustered coordi.

Leaning against the door opposite the multiple monitors hanging over whitepainted walls, you keep half your attention on the screen, eyes
absentmindedly following the paths of the various makeup artists and
assistants as they flit around the waiting room, fixing foundation here and
reapplying eyeliner there.
Nervously, you run through your routine one more time, so concentrated on
the appropriate starting positions that you miss the figure approaching you
until they're behind you, tugging lightly at the cord wrapped around your ear,
and you start, whipping around with wide eyes to face the person who had
entered your little bubble of personal space. Hoseok grins down at you,
unapologetic, an earbud pinched between his thumb and index and a smirk
in place at having surprised you.
"Sorry Katy-ssi, but we're being told to switch to the wireless ones - Is it
alright if I change yours for you?
Without waiting for an answer, he leans in, breath ghosting over your
shoulder, and carefully peels away the thin strips of paper tape holding the
cord in place before delicately unhooking the black wire from around your

ear and replacing it carefully with the one he'd been holding. He takes a step
back as you murmur a quiet "Thank you, sunbae-nim" and you wait,
expecting him to leave, having done what he had seemingly sought you out
for.
When he lingers a second too long to be accidental, you look up, startled by
the soft warmth and awe in his eyes, then he blinks and it disappears, as
though it was something you weren't meant to see.
"I just want to tell you how happy I am that you accepted my request for a
collaboration Katy-ssi ~ I'll see you before we're due on stage."
And then with a polite bow and the beginnings of yet another smirk, he takes
his exit, leaving you struggling to tamp down the emotions of the you from
ten years back - the very painful, exhilarating emotions of being his fan and,
in all definitions of the word, a fan girl - and determinedly forcing your
professionalism back in place. At least externally.
Internally, you're already flashing back to the past half year where you
commenting on his twitter post about his cover of one of your oldest, dearest
songs (you swear you still aren't over that yet) led to him following you using
his personal, private account, a string of
"your music inspires me and I'm so, so happy that you commented on my
tweet"

filling your inbox and you remember staring at your phone screen in
disbelief, the words not making it past your fingertips when you try to let him
know that
"no, I've been following you and your group for the longest time and
you guys were what kept me going even when giving up became a terribly
appealing option and you built my youth and sustained my dreams."

Instead you reply with a semi-professional

"I've actually been keeping up with you on my personal account for the
longest time and I'm amazed you found that song because not very many
people know about it.

What follows from that very first conversation is a long explanation from
Hoseok about how he'd found out about you from Namjoon and how he'd
instantly been captivated by your lyrics your and voice - so he'd searched
the internet (he'd enlisted Yoongi's rather reluctant help too), digging
through old YouTube videos and years-old Soundcloud accounts and then
proceeded to watch and listen to as many songs as possible between
promotions. Between all the songs on the account, Chrysalis had made the
biggest impression on him and he'd vowed on first listen to cover the song as

soon as their current promotions ended.

You confess about a month into semi-regular online conversations the words
that had never made it onto the screen the first time the two of you had
made contact and Hoseok sends you three smirking faces, along with an
"Ah~ so you were our fan, Katy-ssi?"
"*Are", you correct automatically, and you swear the next three emoticons

have even bigger smirks than the three previous.

The conversations after that mainly consist of the two of you keeping each
other up to date with your current projects while Hoseok does his best to
bring out what he calls your "fan girl side" and you do your best to control
the keyboard smashing and emoticon over usage that happens when he
succeeds in disintegrating your carefully constructed professionalism.
The request for a collaboration is a proposal on his part that you didn't see
coming your way at all...and it showed - He didn't stop reminding you for a
week about how you'd frozen his phone from the barrage of
incomprehensible text and exclamation marks. When you'd calmed down
enough to respond to his request for a collaboration in a, quote-unquote,
polite and professional manner he had immediately suggested possible
ways to work around the both of your schedules so that the two of you could
meet up at least once before the planned stage.
A vibration in the palm of your hand startles you out of your thoughts and
you swipe across the screen, bringing up a text message from "Sunbae-nim":
We're due on stage in 15, see you there~ Hwaiting Katy-yah~!

Blinking a few times, you wait for your eyes to adjust to the darkness of the
backstage area. It's a couple of minutes before they do but when you can a
little of the opposite side, enough to make out the blurry silhouette of
Hoseok's shoulder, what light there is glinting off the reflective strips of
fabric around his sleeves - that's when it truly hits you and youre suddenly
reverted back to being a teenager, breath coming out in short gasps as you
try to regain your balance.
There's no time left though, and in some part of your mind you count down
the minutes until youre due up, taking your place on the platform and
waiting.

The floor rises, taking you with it. At the same time, an old, familiar beat
starts - muted bass spilling out into the audience and tears spring to your
eyes without warning. The first well-worn lines make it past Hoseok's lips and
between the cheering of the fans and the lights of the stage, the you
standing next to him remembers a different, much smaller stage, with the
same song and six other girls and when the pre-chorus starts, the built up
emotion pours into the melody, overflowing onto the stage. From the corner
of your eye you vaguely register the brief look of shock tinged with concern
that passes across the other artist's face - but then it's gone as quickly as it
came.
The two of you end the song to a thunderous applause and you find yourself
grinning, a watery-eyed smile, at the response. Hoseok takes your hand as
soon as the lights go out, blanketing the two of you in darkness, and careful
leads the way back to the waiting rooms.
The walk back is almost dream-like for you - as though you're walking over
fluffy white clouds and you don't realise the tears and shaking until Hoseok
has lead you away from the waiting room to an area backstage with less
prying eyes, one hand on each of your shoulders as he holds you in place,
concern etched into the lines of his face.
"Katy-ssi?"
You blink once up at him, eyes looking but not really seeing.
"Yah..."
You can hear the worry seeping into his voice now, "Katy-yah, can you hear
me?"
Mutely you nod, not trusting your voice.
"Are you feeling okay?"
Another nod.
Hoseok sighs, relief sagging his shoulders and he lets go of both of yours,
leaning forward to rest his forehead next to your head. You feel slightly
guilty, knowing you had worried him but at the same time, you know
instinctively that the mixed wave of emotions - disbelief, happiness,
excitement, nostalgia - that had crashed over you after so long a time of
painting a professional front would've twisted anything that came out of your
mouth into a sob or incoherent mess.
To your surprise, the silence that stretches between the two of you isn't an

uncomfortable one, and after you've calmed down enough to wipe away the
remaining tears and form coherent sentences, you find enough courage in
yourself to ask Hoseok whether or not he has any schedules for the rest of
the day.
When the answer is no, you surprise even yourself by inviting him out for
coffee - "I feel like I should explain the reason I scared you before", and
you're already halfway through the first of what wouldve been a string of
apologies for your forward questioning, when Hoseok grabs your hand again
and leads you back once again through the dark.
"I know a place we can go to without attracting much attention - meet me at
the back exit after you're done changing, alright?"
Then he's disappeared into the room marked " (BTS)" and you will
yourself to regain control over your breathing pattern and erratic heartbeat.

You're halfway through removing the heavy stage makeup on your face amazingly not ruined by your tears from just before, when there's a knock on
the door and a "Katy-ssi, I'm ready to go now~"
One hand focused on removing the last of your slightly-smudged eyeliner,
you ask Hoseok to wait for another five minutes, apologising for not being
ready to go.
There's a click of the door and he lets himself in, mumbling at you not to
apologise as he sits down on the stool opposite yours, gently taking the
remover wipes from you with one hand and tilting your head towards him
with the other.
He's close. Close enough for you to count each individual eyelash, close
enough to see the thin, precise swipe of dark liner and feel his breath tickling
your cheek. Willing yourself not to freeze up, you take the chance, while he's
solely focused on imitating the actions he's witness his coordi do over and
over, to appreciate all the nuances that, no matter how high the resolution,
the HD photos could never quite capture. It, quite literally, takes your breath
away.
"Breathe, Katy-ssi," comes the soft reminder, and you draw in a shaky
breath, the thrumming in your chest loud, even to your own ears. Hoseok
glances down at you in concern and realises a heartbeat too late the mistake
he made.

The silence that falls over the two of you this time is different from the
silence before. This one is tense, breaths coming in shallow puffs because
you're both waiting. Hoseok breaks the eye contact first, line of vision falling
slightly, landing on the slight dip of your cupid's bow and you swear you can
physically feel the shift in your dynamic - you can see the awareness flicker
into his eyes - with it coming nervousness and uncertainty.
A sharp rapping on the door is the unwelcome intruder that shatters the
tension between you and Hoseok jerks away, face flushed, one hand rubbing
the back of his neck and eyes purposefully looking everywhere but at you.
"Hoseok-ah, It's time to go back - the van is waiting outside."
The rapper in question sighs, running one hand through dyed honey-brown
locks and getting up from the stool. He makes his way towards the door and
opens it a tiny crack, talking in hushed whispers to the man waiting outside.
You cock your head to the side curiously, catching sight of a flash of mint
green through the crack in the doorway, but decide not to eavesdrop, picking
up the makeup remover Hoseok had abandoned and working away the very
last of your smudged liner.
He's back in no time, leaning down to help you pack up the mess of
cosmetics spread over the table and you look at him curiously, the obvious
question hanging off the tip of your tongue.
He answers it before you can decide not to ask after all, explaining that he
was trying to convince his hyung to take the van back with the rest of the
members and promising to be back in time for dinner. "I succeeded," he tells
you with a grin, "but I'm about 90% sure that Yoongi-hyung is going to ask
me questions when I get back to the dorms"

The mental image of BTS' Suga firing off question after question like an
overprotective father has you muffling your laughter with one hand and
Hoseok looks at you bemused.
"Are you ready to go, Katy-ssi?"

Still chuckling, you nod and he grins, taking your hand and leading you
towards the room marked with his name. "Wait here for a moment,"
He disappears into the room and returns with a hoodie, a snapback and two
face masks. He hands the hoodie to you and you tug it on, rolling up the toolong sleeves and realising immediately that it belongs to him - face flushing
pink in response. He focuses on adjusting the hood just-so and handing you
the mask, his own eyes averted in an attempt to hide just how much hes
enjoying the sight of you wrapped up in the soft fabric.
Pulling on the snapback down low, hiding his eyes and hooking the mask
around his face, he takes your hand again, holding one finger to his lips and
leads you slowly towards the back door of the venue, a rarely used door that
opens into the staff-only parking area.
He's being careful, almost painfully careful and you take care to check and
double check your surroundings, keeping your head low and eyes trained on
the ground in front of you as he manoeuvres the both of you past traffic
lights and chains of clothing stores, keeping a slightly faster than walking
speed pace.
It isn't until he turns into a quiet street, half-hidden by the flashy department
store in front of it, that he slows down, linking your fingers with a shy glance
in your direction, his other hand pushing open a door - amazingly disguised
as part of the alleyway. You're immediately greeted with the smell of ground
coffee beans and freshly-baked pastries.
Hoseok walks straight up to the counter and there's an immediate
recognition in the eyes of the woman behind the counter. Hastily, she
motions for the pair of you to follow and you do so, walking up the stairs with
increasing curiosity.
The first thing you notice about the upstairs area is how secluded it is, the
second is the lack of customers and the third is the comfy, homely setting of
the little booths, each one screened off from the other. Hoseok leads you to
one with two plush sofas on either side of a wooden table and you sit down
as he murmurs a "Thanks, ajumma," The woman nods, eyes crinkling into a
smile and leaves a menu for both of you before making her way back
downstairs.

"So," you raise an eyebrow at him, "what is this place?"

He laughs, tugging off his snapback and mask with an exaggerated sigh of
relief and motioning for you to do the same.
"This is our hideout," he grins, all pearly white teeth and crescent eyes.
"Hideout? Our?"

"Mine and the members," he clarifies, "It's one of the few places that we
don't have to worry about being photographed or followed, aside from the
dorm or studio"
You hum in understanding, suddenly knowing a lot better the reason for the
lack of talking and immediate reaction - unwanted attention was something
you had become quite familiar with over the years.
Hoseok slides the menu over to you with one finger, "Pick something to eat
and something to drink - my treat" He grins at you again, a smile that
reaches all the way to his twinkling eyes and there's something indescribably
even more genuine about this Hoseok compared to the one backstage.
You look at the menu in front of you and decide swiftly.
"I'll have the Mochaccino and the carrot cake, please~"
"Good choice~ I think I'll get a hot chocolate and a caramel slice" He
decides, without even glancing at the selection.
You watch in fascination as he types the order into his phone and sends it off
as a text message - "It's not a good idea to go downstairs if we can help it,"
he explains.
"Anyway," he places his phone face down in front of the table, "Are you
feeling better now?"
Realisation dawns on you again - the reason you had initially (and
spontaneously) invited him out for coffee, forgotten in your astonishment at
the secret coffee shop he'd brought you too. You nod, and he, reading the
nervousness in your eyes, chooses not to prod and waits, lips curving into
what he hopes is a reassuring smile

You must've hesitated for a second too long because he pulls back - telling
you not to feel obligated to tell him and that he understands if you don't
want to discuss it.
You shake your head. "It's nothing bad," you tell him, "and you sort of
deserve to know I'm just not really sure where I should start - what is it that
you would like to know first?"
He leans forward, resting his chin atop folded hands and tilts his head to one
side. "Before, after our performance, did I do something to make you upset?"
His lips pull down into a slight frown, "If I did, I'm really sorry," he adds
hurriedly.
You shake your head, startled at the conclusion he had arrived at, "No, that
wasn't it," you choose your words carefully, voice quiet, "I was just....
remembering,"
The sigh that escapes from him is one of understanding and he nods, eyes
meeting yours and you can see clearly that he gets it, really gets it, and
you're grateful.

The sound of footsteps up the stairs has you moving backwards slightly, and
Hoseok pulls his arms away, making room on the table for the beverages the
two of you had ordered. The woman - ajumma, as Hoseok had called her,
smiles at the two of you before taking her leave without uttering a word.

Hoseok takes a sip of his hot chocolate and sighs in contentment, sinking
back into the sofa. You fiddle with the handle of your mug, wrapping your
hand around the ceramic and relishing in the warmth.
"The song we performed - Tomorrow...I was remembering the first time I'd
performed it on stage," You choose to start at the beginning, voice a mere
murmur but Hoseok catches the words anyway.

"I had a crew before," You smile, the faces of six other girls coming to the
front of your mind, features slightly blurred it had been at least a couple of

years since youd last seen your old crew, after all, and Hoseok smiles too, a
little bittersweet.
"We used to get together on the weekends and practice outside this place,
almost an hour away from where I used to live, that had double-glass
windows - but," you grin, recalling how very little dancing actually happened
during those weekends out, "honestly, we spent most of the time fan-girling
our heads off... over BTS," you add shyly, and Hoseok immediately chuckles.
"How long ago was this?" His head is tilted to one side, eyes studying you
intently.

"Around the same time I wrote the original Chrysalis,"

His eyes widen, almost comically, "That long ago?"
You nod, laughing. "And they can still affect you like that?" He's referring to
your tears during the performance. "Yeah," you admit quietly, "They meant a
lot..."

You take a small sip from your mug, "They still do, matter a lot," you add as
an afterthought, "But I guess it's easy to get caught up in the quick pace of
all the schedules and performances"
"I owe them everything." The words are murmured over the rim of your cup
but they ring true and with the admission comes more words, spilling forward
and laying bare all the pent-up thoughts that had been building since youd
gotten thrown into the spotlight, suddenly immersed in an industry and a sea
of new faces.
"I was-" you hesitate and Hoseok watches you, smiling softly in
encouragement. "I was so, so close to giving up and giving in to the
hopelessness of it all back then. So many times I was left wondering whether
I would ever land amongst the stars I was shooting for and Chrysalis was the
product of those thoughts..."
"Mmm, It shows in the lyrics,"
You look at him, surprised he understood the lyrics of the song that was very
much not in his mother language. He grins at you, a little crookedly and

shrugs, "A combination of Namjoon and my own pitifully limited English skills
- The emotions in the song resonated with me enough for me to be curious
about your lyrics..." he trails off, gesturing for you to continue your story.
You're openly gaping at him now, not even attempting to hide your
astonishment at the amount of effort he'd gone to in order to understand
your song.
He laughs, evidently pleased with your reaction. "I told you right, Katy-ssi?
I'm your fan ~" He winks cheekily at you, shooting a pair of cheesy finger
guns and laughter bubbles past your lips, breaking the tension that had
started to settle over the two of you since you'd started talking.
"Anyway," you dab at the corner of your eyes, damp from laughing, "Back
then, there were these two girls Helen and Aeryne - and they'd convince
me time and time again to not give up yet - they were so convinced that I
would make it eventually Helen told me that she couldn't see me doing
anything but making it big and - they were both so convinced that everything
I'd been doing up until then wasn't for nothing, even when I'd started to see
it as almost a burden..." you trail off, uncertain about his reaction - this side
of you was one that few people knew. The public knew KT, the girl who'd
been dreaming of performing since she knew it existed - they didn't really
know about the times you'd seriously considered giving it all up.
Hoseok rests his cheek in the palm of his hand and you wait, fingers playing
with the handle of your mug.
"Guess they weren't wrong then," he finally says, "About you making it big,"
he adds, as you look at him questioningly.
As if sensing that you'd expected a less-than-positive reaction to your semiconfession he continues quietly, "We've all wanted to give it all up at one
point - Heaven knows Yoongi-hyung was ready to move back to Daegu as
soon as our CEO announced that we'd have to learn dancing. I know I've
struggled through many sleepless nights before coming to terms with the
idea that I would be both a dancer and a rapper...It's okay, to have these
periods of time where you can't take it anymore...there's nothing wrong with
not wanting this sort of lifestyle all the time..."

"Yeah, I guess..." you look up at him, smiling slightly, "Thanks, Hoseok-oppa"

Eyes wide, you cover your mouth with both hands, realising immediately the
mistake you'd made and you stutter through a "I- I mean, H-Hoseoksunbae...", cheeks progressively getting redder the longer said rapper keeps
his eyes on you, lips twitching in undisguised amusement.

Finally, he decides to put you out of your misery, "I like the sound of "oppa"
better than "sunbae" anyway, its fine if you call me oppa, Katy-yah~"
There's another wink and you know he's messing around with you now.

"Okay then, O-oppa..."

Somehow, having permission makes the entire ordeal even more
embarrassing and your cheeks flush (impossibly) even redder than before.
Reaching across the table, he can't resist teasingly poking your flaming
cheek, laughing at your wide-eyed surprise.
"Do you still keep in touch?" He pulls his hand back, deciding (wisely) not to
tease you too much.

It takes you a few seconds to fast-forward to the appropriate place in the

conversation and your shake your head slowly, "No, we fell out of touch
when my last tour took me to the US - the time zones didn't match up...and
after that the agency was pushing me for a second full album and a follow-up
mini...I haven't heard from them in over a year," you conclude softly, aware
of the all-too-familiar ache in your chest and the nostalgic edge to your
thoughts.

"They'll be all-too aware of you and where you are though - so not
completely out of touch..."
There's a slight edge to his voice and you realise that he's talking from
experience. Likely about his own friends that he's struggled to keep in touch
with ever since he became a trainee.

"Yeah..." you brighten up slightly, "I send them signed copies of all my
albums - my promise to them since we were all still just uni students although I'm not sure if they receive them or not..."
"They probably do." There's no hesitation in Hoseok's voice and you find
yourself subconsciously taking comfort from that. "That probably reply to all
your tweets as well - even if you might not see them all~"
"Yeah!" You lean forward, resting your elbows on the table, "I remember
catching sight of their twitter handle before - they actually haven't changed
theirs since university - but my manger wouldn't let me reply to them..."

"Yeah..." Hoseok tilts his head to one side..."I know what you mean..."
You watch him as he takes what looks like a thoughtful sip of his no-longerhot chocolate.

He grimaces at the taste of the cold liquid, before looking back up at you,
"Katy-yah?"
You look up from your bite of carrot cate, fighting the blush that threatens to
paint your cheeks at the casual way your name fell from his lips. "Hm?"
He leans forward, resting his elbows on top of the table in a mirror of your
previous position and his chin on top of his folded hands, the picture of an
almost childlike curiosity.

"I want to hear more about your university days - and what kind of people
Helen and Aeryne were...are," he amends quickly.

"Oh..." a fond smile steals over your features, "Sure, but we're going to be
here for quite a while..."
He shrugs, and leans in even closer, "I don't have anywhere I need to be, nor
anywhere I want to be right now, aside from here so, I've got nothing but
time right now~"

You laugh, flattered that he's choosing to spend the rest of the afternoon with
you and you mirror his position, leaning in towards him, "Well, in that case..."