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A record of Grahame telling about his past, taken after a successful

raid against Haven Academy.
-(The record takes place early in the companys career. Only 34 men make up
the band, and all are seated around a small campfire)
Youre asking me this, again? I thought you would have given up after
the last raid, when I told you two hours worth of lies! Or when I told you no
for the hundredth time. You lot are bloody persistent; I can tell you that for
sure. Still (Slight pause; everyone straightened, except Robert, who slumped
back against a tree), you fought well today. I suppose I ought to tell you my
tale. Ill warn you, though. It wont end well (Someone moans). Yes, that was
a bad rhyme. Ill do better the second ti- Alright, Ill start.
I have no idea where I was born. Its a great start, huh? Well, thats why
history is always so boring. Anyway, my earliest memory stems from desert.
Sand, a small house, more sand, a small swing on a withered tree, and even
more sand. You guessed it, I lived in Menagerie (A few clap). Yeah, shut it.
Anyway, for as far as I know, I was born there, I lived there, my parents lived
there, along with all pleasant memories of my youth.
That ended where all of my happy, joyful experiences were killed off. You
can see, gentlemen, that Im human. I dont have any extra ears hiding under
my helmet. Now you may be wondering, Gee, man, why the heck was you
living there? Well, whats the stereotype of Menagerie?
Worst zoo ever! Thy dont give food to the patrons, there!
And this comes from a man with rabbit ears! Im proud of you, Haxon.
Youre surpassed all of us.
Anyway, Ill tell you, since our bunny-boy is the only soul brave enough to
cross both battlefields and verbal landmines. Menagerie was, and still is, a
land of criminals. You see me. You know what my parents were. No, not
Faunus! Jesus, look at my ears. They were petty thieves! The world we live in
is civilized (Ugh), and the safest place for a criminal to be is with his own
kind. Well, tell that to Menagerie.
My parents were killed when I was fourteen. I have no idea why. Im
guessing that races had to be a cause of it, but that is a problem that is
brought up too much today, so Im going to go with, they were complete
arses. A few Faunus rolled up one day, knocked on our front door, and shot
my father and mom when they answered the door. Why didnt they kill me?
Cause I was a kid. Anyone like killing kids? Theres my answer. Adults have
profit, and riches, and honor. Kids have nothing at all. Kill a kid, and boom, no
paycheck in the future. So, I was left with a withered tree and a swing, a
small, brown house, myself, and two dead parents. Best place to raise kids.
Anyway, I joined the honorable caravan of gentlemen known as the
Battle Ravens when I was fifteen. I had grown tired of tending to Ma and
Pas graves. That, and I was doing nothing. Planting crops bored me, and the
swing had broken. The Battle Ravens broke up after a single, nonexistent,
month. So, I joined another. During my fifteenth year on this despicable
planet, I joined 11 groups of rebels. During the next three, I joined fifty-four,
and had commanded five others myself. Now you must be thinking, A teen

leading a company? This is the worst lie I have ever heard! Second was my
Moms actual weight Well, it isnt. Not yet, at least. And, believe what your
father said. Its better for both of you.
Whats that, Martin? How many battles was I in? As I remember, about
1,271. Notice I said about. Every day usually resulted in one, and the number
of skirmishes that resulted in all the small rebellions make up the bulk of
these. How many major battles? Twenty-nine. Twenty-nine battles that shook
the entire island to its core. Cities were destroyed, and sparks flew across the
sky (Robert stands up, fully acting out everything.). There were tanks, and
planes, and tiny little scooters that infantry used. There were bombing runs,
and carpet bombings, and incendiary bombings, and shrapnel, and grenades,
and even gas. There were sword fights, and bayonet charges, and even one
or two fistfights. I participated in one of those myself! Would have won, but
the guy got his head shot off before I threw the final punch. There were rifles,
and machine guns, and power axes, and giant hammers, and even fisticuffs.
There was everything you could ever hope for in a war. Best part is, there
were no Grimm. Only man versus man, steel versus steel, power versus
intellect. Intellect lost.
There is only one thing that burst my bubble, so to say, and Im not going
to tell you about that. Ill tell you a name, but nothing more. Girvan. Look that
up yourself.
After a while, I got bored of blood and sand. So, I came here, so I could see
blood and grass! Now, gentlemen, that {Dramatic pause, several men
groaned again}, is how you finally got the truth outa an old man like me
{Laughter and sighs are heard here}.
Thats enough for tonight, lads. Ive had my fill.
That was a crappy story, Grahame. You didnt even tell us ab-
I better flush it, then!