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Senior Skit Draft 3: The Ending Needs Some Work
Senior Skit Draft 3: The Ending Needs Some Work
DRAFT 3
*The ending needs some work
**
The workers begin to come out with brooms all mopey-faced, and start to hum the tune to
"Canaan Days."
**
WORKERS
Do you remember those good years as freshman…
The Seniors were ever so old…
We built sets with the wonderful Captain…
And Mr. Ortmann was slightly less old…
LONE WORKER
Look ho! It's today's first guests!
ANOTHER WORKER
And they have children!
**
Frenzy ensues as the workers proceed to reach their proper places
**
**
A sole worker comes out to set up four chairs. He brings the first one out, and faces
it away from the rest of the crowd. He peers at it, examines it, and taps it to get it
in the right (adverse) position. He goes off to get another chair. Another worker comes
out and sees this chair mishap, peers off to see if the worker is approaching, and
swiftly turns the chair around. The first worker returns just as the other worker
leaves, and the whole thing repeats until all the chairs are out. The first worker
looks fulfilled and ready for action, while the other worker sighs and walks off
shaking his head.
**
**
A family approaches. There's Grandpa, the manic-depressive Jew of a mother, the openly
gay father, Annalina (a set of siamese twins), and little Jason, whose Bar Mitzvah is
coming up. Their guide, OTHARVINSEPH Welsh, is perching himself above them, and looking
down grimly
**
ANNALINA
Oh goody, we're here!
JASON
But how ever will we navigate the exhibit without a guide?
MOTHER
Don't worry, honey. I'm sure there's someone out there; someone who will show us the
way. (Loudly) Just like when we took Grandpa to the train museum!
GRANDPA
Oh, Jason, you should've been there, yes you should've been there!
**
Silence as Grandpa drifts his focus away
**
ANNALINA
We still see no guide
**
OTHARVINSEPH Welsh's face goes sour. He leaps off of wherever he was perched and lands
right in front of the family extremely ungracefully. One of the workers notices and
gasps loudly.
**
FATHER
Oh my lord, are you alright?
**
OTHARVINSEPH Welsh pops up, straightens his tie, shakes his head, and leans towards the
family with a smile so happy it's scary
**
FATHER
Excuse me?
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Yes, that is my name, and this is the exhibit we're going to, so let bygones be bygones
and folllllllloooooooooooow me!
**
OTHARVINSEPH Welsh takes the family into the seating area. First, they approach Neil
Codell's table
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Here's our grand poobah, Mr. Neil Codell. He's a crochety old man who's very long
winded. We have forbidden him from speaking in public.
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Here's the museum's newest intern, Mr. Martin Hanna. He's been doing superbly, except
for his fatal flaw
JASON
What is it?
**
OTHARVINSEPH Welsh snaps his fingers, and two random seniors run over with rolls of
scotch tape, and proceed to tape Martin to his chair.
**
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Now that we've introduced you to some of our family, let's begin our adventure through
the exhibit
FAMILY
Yay!
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
...everyone is drunk...
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
**
**
OTHELLVINSSEPH WELSH
They moan.
**
A chain reaction occurs. One guy decides to fight another, and that escalates into a
good old Irish brawl
**
**
O,W. takes the family and gets them away from the fight
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Let's move on to New York City, 1981. A place where everyone sings their problems away.
A land of Japanese Jewish boys, and gay African American Jewish unfaithful men! A land
of falsettos, if you will
JASON
FATHER
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Would you look at that, it appears that there's a passover seder set up! With just
enough chairs for you guys!
JASON
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
A family sits down for their passover seder. They start to sing Dayenu very gleefully.
One of the men decides to eat some Gefilte Fish while they're singing, and he starts to
choke. While he is choking, he does the end dance to "everyone hates his parents," and
after he finishes dancing, he falls into the arms of the people at the table
**
**
Someone dressed like William Finn, with green sweater and yellow crocks, approaches
**
FATHER
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
It's the mayor of Falsettoland, Mr. William Finn! Hey, why are you leaving so soon?
FINN
Sailing.
**
**
FATHER
Figures.
MOTHER
I mean..I would assume that's what he does...he seems like that kinda guy...
MOTHER
Oh my lord. I'm trapped in a loveless marriage in a museum exhibit where everyone sees
and I'm with my near-deaf father and my gay hus-(cut off)
**
She starts singing "holding to the ground" as the family goes away without her.
Annalina ends up entangling her in their siamese-ness
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Let's keep it moving now. Oh, it looks like our singing janitor is coming our way!
JASON
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
See, he takes whatever you are saying at the moment, and calls up the song with the
same lyrics in his head, though I've been really trying to get him to sto-(cut off)
SINGING JANITOR
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Moving on now!
SINGING JANITOR
We be movin' on up
MOOOOOVIN ON UP
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
GRANDPA
Oh, the roarin' 20s. You should've been there, yes, you should've been there!
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Um, yes. Well, let's look at how they behaved back then!
**
A male and female maid appear. They are very clearly white.
**
FEMALE MAID
Hey donald!
MALE MAID
Wuzzup, sista?
FEMALE MAID
**
O.W. swiftly gets the family away from the flatulence
**
ANNALINA
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
GRANDPA
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Moving on! Ahem, we are now off to our Forgetful Roman Section
FATHER
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
That might be the case, but during a performance of Miles Gloriosus, a classical Roman
play, we discovered that Pyrgopolynices, our fair braggart soldier, had a bit of a
memory problem
MOTHER
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
PYRGOPOLYNICES
(off) Look lively, shine up that shield! (walks towards family) Ah, what ho there! My
name is....um...excuse me (he walks off)
JASON
ANNALINA
We're enlightened!
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Now let's move on to our unfinished exhibit on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor
Dreamcoat
GRANDPA
**
**
MOTHER
Unfinished?
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Some of our special effects have been misbehaving, and we've had a
few...accidents...we've had to hire some new actors
NEW ACTOR
Mr. Walsh?
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Welsh.
NEW ACTOR
Yeah, well, here I say "go go go Joseph you know what they say..."
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Yes, and?
NEW ACTOR
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
**
NEW ACTOR looks deep into script and walks away, contemplating
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
Off to Venice it is! Listen closely and you might even be able to pick up their
vernacular!
**
Two italian men are walking with papers in their hands and yelling at each other.
Another set of men are walking in the opposite direction. They bump into the first
group, and the papers fall out of one of their hands
**
Oh bloody periodo!!!!!!
**
**
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
JASON
Wow, mom and dad, this was the bestest possible way to spend the day before my Bar
Mitzvah!
**
**
GRANDPA
Oh, my Bar Mitzvah! But not as good as my commencement! You should've been there!
OTHARVINSEPH WELSH
**
ENSEMBLE
SOMEONE
ALL
Mods.