A Dozen Life-changing Skills and How to Learn

Them
Traditional mens magazines are full of required man-skills like felling a
tree or leaping from a moving car. We think itd be better to learn some
skills that could actually better our lives in the modern world.
Throughout our lives, were subject to a lot of tests that turn out to be
completely irrelevant. Knowing how long the shadow of a tree will be in
three hours as the sun sets is impressive (seriously), but the odds
someone will hold you hostage and make you do a little calculus to win
your freedom are fairly low.
Our days outside the classroom and office demand more. The life skills
we learn help us get through the mundane quickly and effectively. They
also help us experience everything we can in any given situation.
And while there are myriad skills and proficiencies to master, here are a
dozen that can actually change your life.

1. How to Quit Something You Dont Want To

With how busy everyone is nowadays, its hard to prohibit yourself from
doing something that gives you instant joy. As I write this, Im on week
three without cigarettes. (Not nicotine, Im on the patch).
But I didnt want to quit. I enjoyed smoking, the feeling it gave. The
mental release it triggered and the ability to just get away.
But I had to quit. I obviously didnt care enough about my health to quit
for the sake of my lungs, but every other part of my character didnt agree
with it.

You have to have a real reason to quit something you lovesomething

thats more deeply rooted in your being than pleasure. For me it was the
fact that I care about nature and hate seeing cigarette butts everywhere.
A lame reason to everyone else? Yes. But to me, it was more than enough.
Experts at the Mayo Clinic have a multi-faceted approach (to quit
smoking), but theres a lesson we can all internalize and gain strength
from. Some life lessons on quitting:
Alwaysalwaysthink about why youre quitting what youre
quitting
Join a support group (even if its just online support)
Talk to friends and family members you trust
Run, lift, pull out some weedsdo anything to get the blood flowing
and better your health
Avoid situations that make you want to do the thing youre quitting

2. How to End a Conversation

Sometimes, smiling and nodding while slowly walking backward out of
the door just isnt enough.
Lets think about this clinically: Weve all been the person who wants to
end the conversation. The longer it goes, the more awkward it becomes.
The more awkward it becomes, the higher the chances that it could go
sideways quickly. Its in everybodys best interest if youre being honest
about it. Not honest like This is really uninteresting, so Im going to
leave honest, but ending a conversation when it should end.
Feel the conversation out and cut it when theres a break in the dialog.
After laughter tapers off from a joke, for instance.

Forbes has a great piece on professionally ending conversations

gracefully that are just the right balance of politeness and firmness. The
key is to tailor your dialogue based on the situation. If youre in a social
setting, tell the person you need to meet and greet others. Maybe you
need to get back to eating at a restaurant.
If anything, you can make a conscious effort to make it seem like its your
schedules fault for cutting the conversation short. Ask how to get in
contact afterward (if you truly want to)and then do it.
You also might be surprised at how well a handshake and, Well, its been
great talking to you, works at politely terminating the encounter.

3. How to Make Small Talk

Although it might seem strange, small talk isnt necessarily a 100 percent
visceral, on-the-fly kind of conversation. The keys here are to practice.
Always keep a few topics you can talk about (current events, sports, not
the weather), and actually know about them.
And, maybe most importantly, ask open-ended questions. That way you
wont get stuck with the Fine answer to the ole How are you doing?
Indiana University Southeasts Shyness Research
Institute (Its realclick the link) breaks it down into
five steps:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Read more:

The Secret to
Successful Small
Talk

Setting talk make a comment about something!

Introduce yourself
Feel out for a topic of discussion
Expand a topic interesting to both you and the other person
End it (be sure to mention that youre grateful for the conversation).

Thats it. Now get out there and practice!

4. How to Master Fear of Rejection

Rejection happens. Seriously. If youre batting 1,000, youve most likely
only been up once. Whether its in the business world or in the dating
realm, rejection and the fear of it should never trump your sense of
adventurousness and wonder.
The what-if question. That stupid, omnipresent Do you ever want to
live wondering what-if? question. But its true.
Ask yourself what the worst-case scenario reallyis in any given situation.
And although its a modified form of setting the bar low, it should also
give you the ability to just go out there and do it.
Its nearly impossible to not want to belong, according to the American
Psychological Association (in a more eloquent way, of course). But its the
painstrangelythat teaches us a lesson. It teaches us perseverance.
That life goes on, guys. And thats the most important part to remember.
You may never see the person who rejected you ever again.
Whats there to lose?

5. How to Use Photoshop

By this point, needing to know your way around Photoshop is on par with
requisite Microsoft Word knowledge. Whether putting together a banner
for your office, touching up a photo youre giving as a gift, or simply
enhancing your online dating profile pics, the ability to manipulate and
create images is incredibly important in our culture. Ive been shopping
things for years now, and although my knowledge of shortcuts isnt up to
par to, say, a designer, my ability to put faces on things is unmatched.

Theres only one real tool you need to start: the magnetic lasso. By being
able to select things accurately (and cut, re-tone, blur, whatever), you can
do mostly anything.
If you havent signed up for Lynda.comits a great site, reallycheck out
their tutorial here.
When it comes to editing photos, a couple settings come into mind. My
fiance is a professional photographer (I think putting googly eyes and
faces on things is sacrilege to her), and according to her, Curves and
Levels are two of the most important and powerful things Photoshop
can do. You can make blacks blacker, colors more vibrant, wash out the
grays, anything.
Curves, levels, and the magnetic lasso.

6. How to Listen (Really Listen)

A conversation is more than just keeping up. When you listen to things
actually remember small, passing detailsyou become a more thoughtful
conversation partner. You can bring things up in later conversations
(subsequent dates, for instance) and become, quite possibly, the greatest
gift giver of all time.
Because if you actually listen to people, it shows that you care. And thats
really one of the best gifts you can give. This Wall Street Journal piece
can help get you started. In it, Julian Treasure, an author and speaker
and also host of a TED Talkbreaks it down into four parts: receive (pay
attention), appreciate (show visually that youre paying attention),
summarize (repeat whats being said) and ask questions afterward to
show you understood it all.

7. How to Speak in Front of People

Be excited. Know your material. Dont rely on slides.

Know that it takes a little time to get used to if youre not always doing it.
So says TED talker Susan Cain, at least.
And she should knowas someone who doesnt like the attention of
public speaking (i.e. an introvert doing a TED talk.
Perhaps most importantly, you can read your audience, Cain asserts.
Youre on a sometimes metaphorical pedestal, and youve got the
attention of everyone. Dont waste it. Speak as though youre having a
conversation with each and every person, and youre golden.

8. How to Make Healthy Foods Delicious

Whether its chicken, rice, or vegetables, healthy foods dont have to be
bland. Even if youre stuck with some microwave-in-bag veggies, a little
mustard and vinaigrette can make anything delicious.
With that, also look into healthy alternatives to favorites. Pureed
cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes,spaghetti squash instead of
spaghetti. Olive oil has good fat and adds a savory, full taste to anything.
Because if theres one thing about healthy foods, they mostly all absorb
flavors readily.
Little dashes of garlic powder (or even just sauted garlic) and other
spices and herbs like rosemary and oregano can do wonders for
alternatives like quinoa.
This is also a good time to mention that you dont have to cook rice with
water. Like the sweet, sweet creamy gold that is risotto, try cooking your
rice with chicken stock. Its a meal in itself!

If you find yourself staring at the chicken breasts in your refrigerator, you
dont have to settle for grilling every single one. A mustard saucewhich
is tasty, tangy, and actually OK to slather onwill do it wonders: Mix up
some Dijon mustard with a little olive oil and some freshly chopped
herbs. Thats it. Its creamy and brings out the succulence of baked
chicken like nothing else.
Looking for more? Primer has a ton of stuff on food and cooking.

9. How to Stop Living Passively and Set Goals

As long as youre breathing, your life isnt over. It doesnt stop after 25.
Or 35 or 40. In fact, one of my coworkers mother apparently did the
math and found it to be cheaper to cruise every day than live in a
retirement home.
The future is just as important today as it was in high
Read more:
school. Only now youre financially stable, you can rent
a car, and really, the future is brighter than you might
Map It or Scrap It:
have imagined 10 years ago. Think about what you
The Real Secret to
Success
want today, tomorrow, next month, next year, and
beyondand as an adult, you have the power to actually attain them.
Psychologist Will Meek breaks it down into 12 steps (classic, I know).
Here are the highlights for those looking to get into the meat:
Write everything and anything in terms of what you want to achieve
Be realistic
Be specific
Set a timeline and flowchart (what do you need to get there?)
Start. Dominate.
Not too bad, is it? The thing is, with these five steps, youll be able to set

goals for today just like you would within the next 15 years. Its a simple
process with incredibly potent results.

10. How to Recognize and Defeat Negative Thinking

When you dont do something because you fear rejection (if thats the
case, see number four above), when you think youre unworthy of
something, and when you worry about something thats likely not going
to happen, nothing good will come of it.
Negative thinking can be pervasive. It can be malignant and take over our
minds and change our default mindset to wondering why we even try. So
why do we try?
We try because its all we can do.
Defeating negative thinking is about perseverance. Its easy to succumb
and do nothing. Its harder to swim upstream and hope, no matter what,
that youre going to make it to the end. And, really, thats what were all
swimming toward in the grand scheme of things. No matter what method
or unit of measurement you use to appraise the value of your self, you will
be better for having tried.
Psychiatrist and physician Daniel G. Amen writes for the American
Holistic Health Association that you have to be impartial. Firstly, you
have to be able to recognize that youre having a thought that is defeatist
in nature.
Write them down. Write all of these thoughts down and seriously analyze
them. Speak to these thoughts when you see them written on paper.
Seeing negative thoughtsno matter how dramatic you may think they
arephysically, in front of you, gives you something to fight.

With these negative thoughts written in front of you, approach it as a

problem just like you did in school. And just like that omnipresent
question about when two trains would (tragically) collide when they left
their respective cities going their respective speeds, solve it. You got laid
off from a job? It sucks. It can bring you down for a bit, but it also means
that the hunt for something bigger and better is on.
Perhaps the hardest thing to realize is just because you think something,
doesnt make it true. Take these negative thoughts and create counterarguments for why theyre not true. Youll be surprised by all of the
emotional alternatives that exist, and how your immediate, automatic
thoughts may not represent reality.
Turn negative thoughts into obstacles and spin them into a challenge. Its
natural to have visceral, so-called knee-jerk thoughts after something
happens, but the trick to defeating negative thinking is seriously applying
your own logic against yourself. What does that mean? Take a step back
from your situation, assess it and look at all the alternatives in terms of
how you process it.
No matter how bad the situation, you can forge ahead. Remember that
because life is about going forward.

11. How to Nurture a Friendship and Not Just

Participate
Staying in contact with people nowadays is easier than ever before.
Seriously. Remember the good old days when away messages were still a
thing and you might just sit there for a few minutes and wait for your best
friend to get back to the computer so you can start or continue a
conversation?
Know this: Friendships and friends grow with us over time. We may still

feel like kids when were around our best friends, but things have
changed: We still laugh as easily, but we laugh at different things.
Bumming $20 for a CD is now $200 or more for rent. The concept is
always the same, but the scenarios are different.
Nurturing a friendship is about recognizing that change and helping it
move along any which way it goes. Recognize your friends plights and
victories and sympathize or revel accordingly.
Anything else is just participating.
Especially in post-college friendships, where people are scattered across
the country, you must make time for catch-up phone calls, as well as plan
weekends to see each other once or twice per year. If you dont, one day
youll realize you havent spoken to your best friend for 5 years.
Once again, we turn to the Mayo Clinic to learn how to nurture a
friendship. Take all of these tips as they are written. They are seriously
important and simple enough to be summed up in two words:
Accept yourself
Accept others
Be positive
Dont compete
Listen up
Respect boundaries
Ive been friends with the same two people for more than half my life.
Weve continued the friendship across the country.

12. How to Let Go

Letting go is hard. Im honestly still struggling with this one, but I do
know what I need to do.

You have to forgive. You dont have to forget, but you do have to forgive.
Or at least come close to it. Letting go is something of a misnomer in that
sense. Its coming to terms with somethinglossthat came about from
for any reason a human could come up with.
You dont have to agree with something to let it go. You just have to
accept it for what it is and move on. Empathy is a mark of a mature mind,
and every single person has demons he or she has to face. Some far
darker and malevolent than others.
Odds are you know the person wellwell enough that something they did
hurt you deeply enough that you have to let it go. Whether it causes you
to bristle with rage or weep, letting go is difficult.
Dr. John M. Grohol sums up this monstrous feat in five steps on his site
PsychCentral (which is an awesome site if you can get over the 3D word
art kind of elements):
1. Decide to let go: Youre taking a big step and moving past something
you could have been feeling for years. Its OK if you need time.
2. Get it out: Say something. Write something. Purge yourself of every
little detail regarding the thing youve been holding in. It is also
important to realize that you yourself are responsible in some part,
too.
3. Stop being the victim.
4. Stay present: Not letting go is, in essence, leaving some part of
yourself in the pastand no one benefits from that.
5. Forgiveness: You dont have to necessarily shake hands, hug and
party, but to successfully move on, you have to let it go.
I myself am almost theremaybe two fingers left until its finally gone.
Im just not sure if Im ready to see it go.