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Police Constable Nicholas Angel.
Born and schooled in London.
2
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Graduated Canterbury University in 1993
with a double first in politics and sociology.
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Attended Hendon College of Police Training.
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Displayed great aptitude in field exercises.
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Notably, urban pacification and riot control.
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Back off!
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Academically excelled in theoretical
course work and final year examinations.
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Received the Baton of Honor.
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Graduated with distinction into
the Metropolitan Police Service.
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Quickly established an effectiveness
and popularity within the community.
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Use your brain.
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Proceeded to improve skill base
with courses in advanced driving
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and advanced cycling.
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Became heavily involved

in a number of extra vocational activities.
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To this day holds the Met record
for the 100 meter dash.
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In 2001 began active duty with
the renowned SO 19 armed response unit.
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Received a bravery award for efforts
in the resolution of Operation Crackdown.
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In the last 12 months
has received nine special commendations.
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Achieved the highest arrest record
for any officer in the Met.
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And sustained three injuries
in the line of duty.
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Most recently in December when wounded
by a man dressed as Father Christmas.
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- Hello, Nicholas.
- Hello, Sergeant.
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- How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.
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It can get awfully hairy out there.
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I'm surprised you weren't snapped up
sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I did.
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I prefer to think my office is

out on the street.

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Indeed, you do.
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Your arrest record is 400% higher
than any other officer.
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Which is why it's high time
that such skills were put to better use.
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- We're making you Sergeant.
- I see.
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In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
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- In where, sorry?
- In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
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- That's in the country.
- Yes, lovely.
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00:03:06,611 --> 00:03:08,446
Isn't there a Sergeant's position
here in London?
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No.
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- Can I remain here as a PC?
- No.
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- Do I have any choice in this?
- No.
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Sergeant, I kind of like it here.
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Well, you've always wanted

to transfer to the country.
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00:03:19,749 --> 00:03:22,460
- In 20 years or so, yes.
- Well done, you.
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Hang on, I don't remember telling you that.
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Yes, you did. You said,
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"I'd love to settle down
in the country sometime, Janine."
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I'd like to talk to the Inspector.
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You can speak to the Inspector,
but I can promise you
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he will tell you
exactly the same thing as I have.
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00:03:39,769 --> 00:03:43,231
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- It's still a bit stiff.
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00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:45,734
- And how are things at home?
- I'm sorry, sir?
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How's Janine?
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We're no longer together, sir.
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- Right. Then where are you living?
- He's staying at the Section House, sir.
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- With the recruits?

- Yes, he's living out of cardboard boxes.
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Well, then, you're packed already.
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Nicholas, we're offering you a smashing
position with a delightful cottage,
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in a lovely little place
that I think has won Village of the Year
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I don't know how many times.
It'll be good for you.
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- I don't really know what to say.
- Yes?
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Yes, thank you.
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No, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to...
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- You want to take this higher?
- Yes, yes, I do.
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00:04:21,770 --> 00:04:23,688
You want me to bother
the Chief Inspector with this?
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Yes.
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You want me to get the Chief Inspector
to come all the way down here?
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- Yes, I do.
- Okay.
65

00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:32,781

Kenneth!
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- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.
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- Chief Inspector...
- Keep your seat.
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Now, I know what you're going to say,
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but the fact is,
you've been making us all look bad.
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I'm sorry, sir?
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Of course we all appreciate your efforts,
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but you've been rather
letting the side down.
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It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.
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You can't be the Sheriff of London.
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If we let you carry on running round town,
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you'll continue to be exceptional
and we can't have that.
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You'll put us all out of a job.
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With respect, sir.

79
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- You can't just make people disappear.
- Yes, I can. I'm the Chief Inspector.
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Well, however you spin this, there's
one thing you haven't taken into account.
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And that's what the "team"
is gonna make of this.
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- Hello?
- Janine, it's me.
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I know. I'm at work.
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I know, I'm outside.
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What's the situation?
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You know the situation.
We've been over this.
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No, I... I meant here.
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Two people involved,
distinct signs of a struggle.
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Complete mess.
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- You are talking about here?
- Nicholas, what do you want?
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Well, I have something important to tell you
and I didn't wanna do it over the phone.

92
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Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.
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I'm not Janine.
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00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,044
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.
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I know. Bob told me.
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Hello, there.
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Well, I wanted to tell you in person.
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And there's no reason
we can't be civil with each other.
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It's not that long ago
we were talking about getting married.
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Yes, but you were already married
to the force, weren't you?
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00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,308
We're actually supposed to call it
"the service" now.
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Official vocab guidelines state
that "force" is too aggressive.
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See. It's only ever about the job.
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- It's all you care about.
- That's not true.

105
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No, you're right,
you do have that rubber plant.
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- It's a Japanese Peace Lily.
- You just can't switch off, Nicholas.
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And until you find a person you care
about more than your job, you never will.
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Besides, you were the one
who suggested we take a break.
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Yes, well,
guilty people often make the first move.
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Actually, there's something
I need to tell you.
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- You're seeing someone else.
- Yes. How did you...
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- Is it Bob?
- No.
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Does Bob look like
the kind of person I'd go out with?
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It's Dave.
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Hello, there.
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I see.
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Oh, Nicholas.

118
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You do realize that window
was broken from the inside?
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Hello there, Nicholas,
Frank Butterman here, your new Inspector.
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I'm just calling with details
of your accommodation.
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We've got you a lovely little cottage
on Spencer Hill.
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Look forward to meeting you anon. Cheerio.
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Nicholas, Frank again.
One other thing about your cottage.
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It's not ready.
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It would appear the heavens have opened.
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- I was hoping to check in.
- Check in?
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But you've always been here.
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- Excuse me?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
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I thought you were my husband.
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- You must be Sergeant Angel.
- Yes, I am.

131
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I'm Joyce Cooper.
I trust you had a pleasant trip. Fascist.
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I beg your pardon?
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"System of Government characterized
by extreme dictatorship." Seven across.
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- Oh, I see. It's "fascism."
- Fascism. Wonderful.
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Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite.
Bernard will escort you up there.
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Well, actually,
I could probably make my own way up. Hag.
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I beg your pardon?
138
00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:17,899
"Evil old woman considered
frightful or ugly." It's 12 down.
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Oh, bless you.
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- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.
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00:10:10,285 --> 00:10:12,037
Yes, sir, what can I get you?
142
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:17,042
Could I have a glass
of the cranberry juice, please?
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Certainly.

144
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Now, you wouldn't, by any chance,
be the new policeman?
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Police officer, yes. I'm Nicholas Angel.
146
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- I'm Roy Porter. This is my wife Mary.
- Mary.
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Welcome to Sandford.
148
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,430
If there's anything you need,
just let us know.
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00:10:30,514 --> 00:10:33,809
Thank you. Could I borrow your newspaper?
150
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It's not ours, love.
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We're not big fans of the local fish wrapper,
are we, Mare?
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- They listed her age as 55.
- When I'm actually 53.
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Fifty-three.
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- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.
155
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,524
- Excuse me.
- What?
156
00:11:22,607 --> 00:11:25,026
- When's your birthday?
- Twenty-second of February.

157
00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:27,112
- What year?
- Every year.
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Get out.
159
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:34,703
- When's your birthday?
- Eighth of May, 1969.
160
00:11:34,786 --> 00:11:36,580
- You're 37?
- Yeah.
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00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:37,789
Get out.
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00:11:37,873 --> 00:11:38,999
When's your birthday?
163
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:41,376
Out.
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00:11:41,877 --> 00:11:45,046
- Is there a problem, Officer?
- Yes, there is, Mr. Porter.
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00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:47,924
It would appear a number
of your patrons are under age.
166
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,719
Well, a few of them may be
a month or two south of proper.
167
00:11:50,802 --> 00:11:53,555
But if they're in here,
it stops them getting into trouble out there.
168
00:11:53,638 --> 00:11:55,891
Yeah, the way we see it,
it's all for the greater good.
169
00:11:55,974 --> 00:11:57,100
The greater good.

170
00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:01,480
Well, that's as may be,
but the law's the law and they'll have to go.
171
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:09,571
- Another cranberry juice?
- I'm fine, thank you.
172
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I hope you're not planning on driving that.
173
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No.
174
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Right. I'm taking you to the station.
175
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Where is it?
176
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What?
177
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,763
Move.
178
00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:23,562
"Nicholas Angel."
179
00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:27,190
- Oh, when did you start?
- Tomorrow.
180
00:13:27,649 --> 00:13:30,068
Well, I see you've already arrested
the whole village.
181
00:13:30,152 --> 00:13:31,319
Not exactly.
182
00:13:32,154 --> 00:13:35,073
- You in for the night?
- Go on, four's free.
183
00:13:35,157 --> 00:13:38,535

- Hey, now, I need to speak to him.

- He'll be no use till the morning.
184
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I see.
185
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:42,873
You really want to process all this lot?
186
00:13:43,748 --> 00:13:46,293
- My pen's running out.
- Not a problem.
187
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:27,042
- Morning, Sergeant.
- Morning.
188
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:28,293
Morning.
189
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,504
Morning, Sergeant.
190
00:14:32,589 --> 00:14:34,466
Morning, Sergeant.
191
00:14:39,513 --> 00:14:41,723
- Lock me up.
- I'm sorry?
192
00:14:41,807 --> 00:14:43,934
I'm a slasher and I must be stopped.
193
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:48,480
- You're a what?
- A slasher of prices.
194
00:14:49,981 --> 00:14:54,778
Just kidding. I'm Simon Skinner.
I run the local supermarch.
195
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,490
Drop in and see me sometime.
My discounts are criminal.
196
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,492
Catch me later!

197
00:15:02,494 --> 00:15:04,788
Morning, Sergeant.
198
00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:12,420
Morning, Sergeant.
199
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:19,261
Could you tell the Inspector
I've arrived, please?
200
00:15:19,553 --> 00:15:20,887
No.
201
00:15:21,471 --> 00:15:22,722
Why?
202
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:25,142
He's not in yet.
203
00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:27,894
- Well, how's our guest?
- Guest?
204
00:15:27,978 --> 00:15:32,607
- The inebriate in cell four.
- I don't know. Nobody tells me nothing.
205
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,906
Can I get cell four open, please?
206
00:15:39,990 --> 00:15:42,075
Danny, can you open four?
207
00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:49,082
- He's gone.
- Oh, my God. Who's gone?
208
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:56,256
- Why are you dressed like a police officer?
- Because I am one.
209
00:15:57,132 --> 00:15:59,551
Sergeant Angel, at last. Frank Butterman.
210
00:16:00,719 --> 00:16:03,805

- I see you've already met my boy.

- Yes.
211
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:09,060
Do forgive me.
I'm something of a Wild West nut.
212
00:16:09,144 --> 00:16:13,482
Speaking of which, that was a fair
few outlaws you rounded up last night.
213
00:16:13,648 --> 00:16:15,233
Thank you, sir.
214
00:16:15,317 --> 00:16:20,238
I admire your enthusiasm
and far be it from me to stifle your flair,
215
00:16:20,322 --> 00:16:23,033
but this isn't London.
Oh, yes, please, Danny.
216
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,242
With respect, sir,
217
00:16:24,326 --> 00:16:27,579
geographical location shouldn't factor
in the application of the law.
218
00:16:27,662 --> 00:16:28,955
No, thanks.
219
00:16:29,039 --> 00:16:32,959
Statistically, Sandford is
the safest village in the country.
220
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:35,253
But that doesn't mean
it requires anything less
221
00:16:35,337 --> 00:16:37,798
than a careful and considered approach.
222
00:16:37,881 --> 00:16:40,801
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.
223

00:16:40,884 --> 00:16:44,387

- The greater good?
- The greater good. Precisely.
224
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:48,767
Your predecessor assumed
that rural policing was easy.
225
00:16:49,601 --> 00:16:51,603
Ended up having a nervous breakdown.
226
00:16:51,686 --> 00:16:55,816
And Sergeant Popwell was
an exceptional officer, truly exceptional.
227
00:16:56,608 --> 00:16:58,610
And he had one thing you haven't got.
228
00:16:58,693 --> 00:17:01,613
- What's that, sir?
- A great big bushy beard.
229
00:17:01,696 --> 00:17:03,782
Come on, let's have a mosey around.
230
00:17:06,076 --> 00:17:07,452
Locker room.
231
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:10,330
Riot room.
232
00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:14,000
Evidence room.
233
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:21,007
Now, how about a trip to the Andes?
234
00:17:21,091 --> 00:17:24,928
Detective Sergeant Wainwright
and Detective Constable Cartwright.
235
00:17:26,388 --> 00:17:27,931
Don't get up.
236
00:17:29,141 --> 00:17:31,810
I expect you're wondering
why we call them the Andes.

237
00:17:31,893 --> 00:17:35,564
- They're both called Andrew?
- They said you were good.
238
00:17:35,647 --> 00:17:38,316
Also, because talking to them is
an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?
239
00:17:38,733 --> 00:17:40,735
- Fuck off!
- Thank you, Danny.
240
00:17:46,825 --> 00:17:49,911
And this is where it all happens.
241
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:53,582
That is Sergeant Tony Fisher.
242
00:17:53,665 --> 00:17:54,958
PC Bob Walker.
243
00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:57,752
And that is Saxon.
244
00:17:58,295 --> 00:18:02,507
And this is one Doris Thatcher.
245
00:18:02,591 --> 00:18:04,676
- She's our only policewoman.
- She's not a policewoman.
246
00:18:04,759 --> 00:18:06,970
- Yeah, she is. I've seen her bra.
- She's a police officer.
247
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,513
Being a woman has nothing to do with it.
248
00:18:08,597 --> 00:18:10,682
Oh, I don't know.
Comes in handy every so often.
249
00:18:11,016 --> 00:18:14,519
I could've given you the tour.
I've been round the station a few times.

250
00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:16,313
And what's upstairs?
251
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,650
Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.
252
00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,028
Nicholas, this is Tom Weaver.
253
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:26,823
Civilian liaison
with the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.
254
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:30,035
You'll find that we run
a very tight ship here.
255
00:18:31,495 --> 00:18:36,791
From this command center
I can see what the whole village is up to.
256
00:18:37,959 --> 00:18:41,421
I must say I was rather admiring
your handiwork last night.
257
00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:44,090
It's a pity you didn't do the same
to those bloody hoodies.
258
00:18:44,174 --> 00:18:46,802
Hanging around. Loitering. Sitting.
259
00:18:46,885 --> 00:18:49,304
Actually, I did notice some minor graffiti
on the fountain.
260
00:18:49,387 --> 00:18:51,723
Graffiti? They've gotta be dealt with, Frank.
261
00:18:51,807 --> 00:18:54,059
They're nippers, Tom. They'll come round.
262
00:18:54,142 --> 00:18:55,393
Which reminds me,
263
00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:58,814

our friend, The Living Statue,

was here on Saturday.
264
00:18:58,897 --> 00:19:03,944
11:00, 12:00, 1:00, 2:00.
265
00:19:04,027 --> 00:19:06,863
If we don't come down hard
on these clowns,
266
00:19:06,947 --> 00:19:11,201
- we are gonna be up to our balls in jugglers.
- We'll get right onto it, Tom.
267
00:19:13,495 --> 00:19:15,872
We like to let them think they run the place.
268
00:19:15,956 --> 00:19:17,707
Well, that's that.
269
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:20,210
Unless there's anything
you're unclear about?
270
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,505
Yes, sir.
Why is everybody eating chocolate cake?
271
00:19:23,588 --> 00:19:27,843
The Black Forest gateau is on Danny.
As punishment for his little indiscretion.
272
00:19:27,926 --> 00:19:29,010
His...
273
00:19:29,094 --> 00:19:32,430
Sir, I don't think driving under the influence
can be called a "little indiscretion."
274
00:19:32,514 --> 00:19:35,684
No, the gateau is for misplacing
his helmet the other week.
275
00:19:35,767 --> 00:19:39,729
Last night's incident will require
something rather more serious.
276

00:19:39,813 --> 00:19:42,107

- Good.
- Do you like ice-cream?
277
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:43,942
I'm sorry, sir, I don't follow.
278
00:19:44,025 --> 00:19:47,779
Let's just say that we won't be short
of Chunky Monkey for the next month.
279
00:19:48,446 --> 00:19:49,614
Dad.
280
00:19:49,698 --> 00:19:53,493
Now, since it's your first day
and it's 11:30, I'd say that's lunch.
281
00:19:59,791 --> 00:20:04,421
So, what made you choose Sandford then,
Sergeant Angel?
282
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,131
It wasn't actually my choice.
283
00:20:06,214 --> 00:20:10,385
Oh, right, right, wasn't your choice to come
down here and tell me how to do my job.
284
00:20:10,469 --> 00:20:11,678
Our jobs.
285
00:20:13,722 --> 00:20:14,806
Yeah.
286
00:20:15,765 --> 00:20:18,685
Look, I can assure you it wasn't
my intention to upset the apple cart.
287
00:20:18,768 --> 00:20:22,022
Yeah, 'cause we all sell apples round here,
don't we?
288
00:20:22,105 --> 00:20:24,941
- Your dad sells apples, Andy.
- And raspberries.
289

00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:27,611

I bet you can't wait to jump
into Sergeant Popwell's grave.
290
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:29,863
I'm not jumping into anyone's grave.
291
00:20:31,156 --> 00:20:34,493
- You got a mustache.
- I know.
292
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,330
- Why have you got your stab vest on?
- It's a requirement.
293
00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:42,667
In the city maybe.
Nobody's gonna stab you in here, Sergeant.
294
00:20:42,959 --> 00:20:44,961
Not a member of the public anyhow.
295
00:20:47,047 --> 00:20:49,800
- Have you been stabbed, Sergeant Fisher?
- No.
296
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:51,301
Well, I have.
297
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,970
And I can assure you
it is not in the least bit amusing.
298
00:20:55,639 --> 00:20:58,183
Have you seen a lot of action,
Sergeant Angel?
299
00:20:58,266 --> 00:21:00,185
I've experienced my fair share, yes.
300
00:21:00,268 --> 00:21:02,771
- Did you cook any fools?
- Excuse me?
301
00:21:02,854 --> 00:21:04,105
Did you shoot anybody?
302

00:21:04,189 --> 00:21:07,526

He shot a crack head with a Kalashnikov.
303
00:21:08,068 --> 00:21:11,822
- Where did you get that?
- The offender had the Kalashnikov.
304
00:21:11,905 --> 00:21:12,989
Where'd he get that?
305
00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:16,284
You do know there are more guns
in the country than there are in the city?
306
00:21:16,368 --> 00:21:19,412
Everybody and their mums
is packing round here.
307
00:21:20,163 --> 00:21:22,207
- Like who?
- Farmers.
308
00:21:22,290 --> 00:21:24,793
- Who else?
- Farmers's mums.
309
00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:31,883
What's it like being stabbed?
310
00:21:32,509 --> 00:21:35,846
It was the single most painful
experience of my life.
311
00:21:35,929 --> 00:21:38,306
What was the second most painful?
312
00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:45,814
You ever fired two guns
whilst jumping through the air?
313
00:21:45,856 --> 00:21:46,857
No.
314
00:21:46,898 --> 00:21:47,899
You ever fired one gun
whilst jumping through the air?
315

00:21:47,941 --> 00:21:48,942

No.
316
00:21:48,984 --> 00:21:49,985
- Ever been in a high speed pursuit?
- Yes, I have.
317
00:21:50,026 --> 00:21:51,027
You ever fired a gun
whilst in a high speed pursuit?
318
00:21:51,069 --> 00:21:52,821
No.
319
00:21:53,321 --> 00:21:57,617
Annette,
that Sergeant Angel's coming into your shop.
320
00:21:57,701 --> 00:21:59,369
Get a look at his arse.
321
00:22:00,036 --> 00:22:02,247
- What about Lethal Weapon?
- No.
322
00:22:02,330 --> 00:22:04,332
- You've seen Die Hard, though?
- No.
323
00:22:04,416 --> 00:22:06,042
- Bad Boys II?
- No.
324
00:22:06,126 --> 00:22:07,836
You ain't seen Bad Boys II?
325
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,717
- Hell of a day, huh?
- Yeah.
326
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,385
- Same again tomorrow?
- Yeah.
327
00:22:21,183 --> 00:22:24,436
Amanda Paver,
headmistress of Sandford Primary.

328
00:22:24,519 --> 00:22:25,937
How do you do, Sergeant?
329
00:22:26,021 --> 00:22:30,859
- Simon Skinner, I believe you've met.
- Oh, we're already firm friends.
330
00:22:30,942 --> 00:22:32,944
Oh, please, please, come with me, will you?
331
00:22:33,028 --> 00:22:34,905
This is Leslie Tiller,
332
00:22:35,197 --> 00:22:39,326
whose horticultural expertise
has helped put Sandford on the map.
333
00:22:39,576 --> 00:22:41,912
- She's ever so good.
- Oh, go on.
334
00:22:41,995 --> 00:22:44,414
This is James Reaper,
who owns Brannigan Farm.
335
00:22:44,498 --> 00:22:46,208
I hear you're quite the marksman.
336
00:22:46,291 --> 00:22:48,752
Perhaps you might like to join us
for a shoot one day.
337
00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:51,379
Well, I haven't held a firearm
for over two years, Mr. Reaper.
338
00:22:51,463 --> 00:22:53,089
I'd quite like to keep it that way.
339
00:22:53,173 --> 00:22:54,925
You will be popular with the local birds.
340
00:22:55,467 --> 00:22:56,718
Birds.
341
00:22:57,469 --> 00:23:00,013

Nicholas, hello. Reverend Shooter.

342
00:23:00,472 --> 00:23:03,767
I want to ask you,
would you read a homily at Sunday Service?
343
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:05,936
That might be
a little hypocritical of me, Reverend.
344
00:23:06,019 --> 00:23:08,271
Oh, you're an atheist?
345
00:23:08,355 --> 00:23:09,815
No, I'm... I'm...
346
00:23:09,898 --> 00:23:12,943
I'm open to the concept of religion,
I'm just not entirely convinced by it.
347
00:23:13,026 --> 00:23:15,654
- You're an agnostic?
- I think I have a cream for that.
348
00:23:17,823 --> 00:23:20,951
Robin Hatcher, our resident sawbones.
349
00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:23,954
Hopefully we won't see too much
of each other over the coming months.
350
00:23:24,830 --> 00:23:26,790
Well, all that remains is to welcome you
351
00:23:26,873 --> 00:23:31,461
to the weekly meeting
of the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.
352
00:23:33,922 --> 00:23:36,883
Now, quick announcement before we begin.
353
00:23:37,259 --> 00:23:40,679
Janet Barker has just given birth to twins.
354
00:23:41,012 --> 00:23:43,056
So, congratulations to her.

355
00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:45,433
- Tom?
- Thanks, Joyce.
356
00:23:46,017 --> 00:23:47,102
Now.
357
00:23:47,853 --> 00:23:52,816
I am sure that all of you will have noticed
the return of a blight to our streets.
358
00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:57,237
It's made all the more disturbing as
the Village of the Year contest looms.
359
00:23:57,988 --> 00:24:03,118
I refer, of course,
to the extremely irritating Living Statue.
360
00:24:08,456 --> 00:24:11,793
Police work
is as much about preventing crime
361
00:24:11,877 --> 00:24:13,712
as it is about fighting crime.
362
00:24:13,795 --> 00:24:17,299
Most importantly,
it is about procedural correctness
363
00:24:17,382 --> 00:24:20,802
in the execution
of unquestionable moral authority.
364
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:23,305
Any questions?
365
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:26,892
Yes.
366
00:24:26,975 --> 00:24:29,686
Is it true that there is a place
in a man's head
367
00:24:29,769 --> 00:24:31,897
that if you shoot it, it will blow up?

368
00:24:35,817 --> 00:24:37,277
Hi, hi, Tim Messenger.
369
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,654
Can I get a quick shot
for the Sandford Citizen?
370
00:24:39,738 --> 00:24:40,906
Okay.
371
00:24:40,989 --> 00:24:43,116
How about you put the teacher
in handcuffs?
372
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,701
I don't think that gives off the right signals.
373
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:46,661
Too cheesy-pie. Okay. Gotcha.
374
00:24:47,078 --> 00:24:49,164
- Give the little blonde kid your hat.
- I'd rather not.
375
00:24:49,539 --> 00:24:51,541
- Wave your hitting stick about.
- No.
376
00:24:51,625 --> 00:24:52,876
Righty-ho-ho.
377
00:24:57,380 --> 00:25:00,383
Oh, can I have your autograph, please?
378
00:25:02,385 --> 00:25:05,430
- For the breakfast.
- Oh, sorry.
379
00:25:10,393 --> 00:25:12,562
Hey, that weren't me.
380
00:25:13,814 --> 00:25:16,399
- Morning, Angle.
- Good morning, Angle.
381
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:18,735

- Morning, Angle.
- Morning, Angle.
382
00:25:18,819 --> 00:25:21,321
- Sergeant Angel.
- Morning. The swan's escaped.
383
00:25:21,404 --> 00:25:22,864
- The swan's escaped?
- Yeah.
384
00:25:22,948 --> 00:25:25,158
Right. And where has the swan
escaped from exactly?
385
00:25:25,242 --> 00:25:27,160
- The castle.
- Oh, yeah? And who might you be?
386
00:25:27,244 --> 00:25:30,580
Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.
387
00:25:30,664 --> 00:25:33,750
P.I. Staker. Right. Piss taker. Come on!
388
00:25:33,917 --> 00:25:37,754
Yes, Mr. Staker. We'll do everything we can.
Can you describe it to me?
389
00:25:37,838 --> 00:25:39,714
It's about two foot tall.
390
00:25:39,798 --> 00:25:42,259
- Long slender neck.
- Yeah.
391
00:25:42,342 --> 00:25:45,220
- Kind of orange and black bill.
- Anything else?
392
00:25:46,263 --> 00:25:47,722
Well, it's a swan.
393
00:25:55,689 --> 00:25:57,023
That's just gonna scare it.
394
00:26:02,404 --> 00:26:07,200

- No luck catching them swans then?

- It's just the one swan, actually.
395
00:26:09,953 --> 00:26:13,582
- Want anything from the shop?
- You've just been to the shop.
396
00:26:14,166 --> 00:26:15,709
I was thinking of a different shop.
397
00:26:15,792 --> 00:26:18,378
Constable Butterman,
this is not the time for personal errands.
398
00:26:18,462 --> 00:26:22,090
- Well, there's nothing going on, is there?
- There is always something going on.
399
00:26:22,174 --> 00:26:26,094
You have to look closer, all right?
What about this guy?
400
00:26:26,845 --> 00:26:28,138
- Mr. Treacher?
- Yeah.
401
00:26:28,221 --> 00:26:30,307
Why has he got that big coat on?
402
00:26:30,390 --> 00:26:34,227
He can't be cold. Why the extra layer?
Maybe he's trying to hide something.
403
00:26:34,811 --> 00:26:36,271
Mr. Treacher?
404
00:26:37,230 --> 00:26:38,565
Okay. What about this guy?
405
00:26:38,648 --> 00:26:41,109
Ask yourself, why has he got his hat
pulled down like that?
406
00:26:41,193 --> 00:26:44,488
- He's fuck ugly.
- Or he doesn't want you to see his face.
407

00:26:44,571 --> 00:26:46,615

Because he's fuck ugly.
408
00:26:47,032 --> 00:26:48,783
Okay, what's his story?
409
00:26:48,867 --> 00:26:50,327
- Oh, that's Lurch.
- Go on.
410
00:26:50,410 --> 00:26:52,704
- He's a trolley boy at the local supermarket.
- Good.
411
00:26:52,787 --> 00:26:54,623
Real name, Michael Armstrong.
412
00:26:54,706 --> 00:26:56,917
- Dad says he's got a child's mind.
- Okay.
413
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,127
And lives up Summer Street
with his mum and his sister.
414
00:26:59,211 --> 00:27:00,462
And are they as big as he is?
415
00:27:00,545 --> 00:27:03,173
- Who?
- The mum and the sister.
416
00:27:03,256 --> 00:27:04,758
Same person.
417
00:27:06,134 --> 00:27:07,511
What shop were you thinking of?
418
00:27:29,491 --> 00:27:32,994
Sergeant Angel to the Manager's office.
419
00:27:33,078 --> 00:27:36,164
Manager's office. Sergeant Angel.
420
00:27:38,875 --> 00:27:43,046
Sergeant Angel. Or is it Angle?

421
00:27:44,756 --> 00:27:47,801
Mr. Skinner, a baby's sicked up in aisle six.
422
00:27:48,677 --> 00:27:51,263
Please excuse me. Michael!
423
00:27:51,346 --> 00:27:52,514
Yarp.
424
00:27:52,597 --> 00:27:56,059
- Child vomit. Aisle six. Mop it up.
- Yarp.
425
00:27:56,143 --> 00:27:59,354
- Mr. Skinner, is there a problem?
- No, no, no, no.
426
00:27:59,437 --> 00:28:03,692
I simply wanted to say how lovely it is
to see you supporting your local store.
427
00:28:03,775 --> 00:28:05,026
Well, that's quite all right.
428
00:28:05,110 --> 00:28:09,364
All too many have defected
to the big Megamart in Buford Abbey.
429
00:28:09,447 --> 00:28:13,910
May their heads be struck
from their shoulders for such disloyalty.
430
00:28:13,994 --> 00:28:17,038
Yes, well, I am on duty,
so if you'll excuse me.
431
00:28:17,122 --> 00:28:20,625
Of course. I simply spied you loitering
in organic produce
432
00:28:20,709 --> 00:28:23,336
and assumed you had time on your hands.
433
00:28:26,798 --> 00:28:29,217
Well, maybe I'm not the one
you should be keeping an eye on.

434
00:28:29,676 --> 00:28:32,554
That's the Fridge Magnate.
His name's George Merchant.
435
00:28:32,637 --> 00:28:36,892
Made a fortune in kitchen goods.
Built that monstrosity on Norris Avenue.
436
00:28:37,684 --> 00:28:40,103
Actually, I wasn't talking about him.
437
00:28:40,812 --> 00:28:43,565
I was talking about him.
438
00:28:44,649 --> 00:28:46,109
Excuse me.
439
00:28:51,865 --> 00:28:52,908
Excuse me.
440
00:29:02,793 --> 00:29:05,921
"Meet the cop that can't be stopped."
441
00:29:22,896 --> 00:29:24,189
Tosser!
442
00:29:26,233 --> 00:29:27,776
Trouble in the high street.
443
00:29:27,859 --> 00:29:29,528
Sergeant Angel's having a spot of bother.
444
00:29:29,611 --> 00:29:30,821
Roger that.
445
00:29:41,206 --> 00:29:42,499
Morning, Sergeant.
446
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,091
You mothers.
447
00:29:54,928 --> 00:29:59,599
- Let's cut through here. Head him off.
- Through the gardens?
448

00:29:59,683 --> 00:30:02,310

What's the matter, Danny?
You never taken a shortcut before.
449
00:30:46,563 --> 00:30:48,315
Hey, give me that!
450
00:30:54,821 --> 00:30:56,823
"You do not have to say anything,
however it may harm your defense
451
00:30:56,907 --> 00:30:59,618
"if you fail to mention when questioned
something you later rely on in court.
452
00:30:59,701 --> 00:31:01,786
"Anything you do say
can be given in evidence."
453
00:31:01,870 --> 00:31:03,538
- Hi, Danny.
- All right, Pete?
454
00:31:03,622 --> 00:31:04,748
Do you know this man?
455
00:31:04,831 --> 00:31:06,541
Yeah, he's Auntie Jackie's
sister's brother's boy.
456
00:31:06,625 --> 00:31:08,502
And it didn't occur to you
to mention this before?
457
00:31:08,585 --> 00:31:11,421
Couldn't see his face, could I?
I'm not made of eyes.
458
00:31:22,015 --> 00:31:23,850
Impressive collar.
459
00:31:23,934 --> 00:31:26,478
Shame Mr. Skinner
doesn't want to press charges.
460
00:31:26,561 --> 00:31:28,021
What do you mean,
he doesn't wanna press charges?

461
00:31:28,104 --> 00:31:31,942
I'm simply suggesting that, you know,
Peter be given a second chance
462
00:31:32,025 --> 00:31:34,986
before he becomes
just another crime statistic.
463
00:31:35,070 --> 00:31:37,906
I'm sure he's going to learn
a valuable lesson.
464
00:31:37,989 --> 00:31:41,701
- Stealing biscuits is wrong?
- Correct.
465
00:31:41,785 --> 00:31:42,869
Thanks.
466
00:31:42,953 --> 00:31:45,831
And yet we respond by not taking
a single punitive measure?
467
00:31:45,914 --> 00:31:48,875
Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
468
00:31:48,959 --> 00:31:50,877
Like the biscuits, isn't it?
469
00:31:50,961 --> 00:31:53,839
- Mr. Skinner...
- Is everything all right?
470
00:31:53,964 --> 00:31:58,969
Well, sir, Mr. Skinner feels it would
be better not to prosecute an individual
471
00:31:59,052 --> 00:32:01,138
that has committed a blatant offense.
472
00:32:01,221 --> 00:32:02,681
Leave this with me.
473
00:32:02,764 --> 00:32:05,934
I'll make sure everyone gets
their just deserts.

474
00:32:06,017 --> 00:32:07,894
Oh, no!
475
00:32:10,730 --> 00:32:12,232
Twenty-seven.
476
00:32:12,315 --> 00:32:15,861
- Have you ever seen Point Break?
- No.
477
00:32:15,944 --> 00:32:18,280
Amazing bit in Point Break
where they jump over fences.
478
00:32:18,363 --> 00:32:20,282
Is there now? Twenty-nine.
479
00:32:20,365 --> 00:32:23,326
Patrick Swayze's just robbed this bank
and Keanu Reeves is chasing him
480
00:32:23,410 --> 00:32:26,329
through people's gardens,
and he goes to shoot Swayze but he can't,
481
00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:27,581
'cause he loves him so much,
482
00:32:27,664 --> 00:32:29,833
and he's firing his gun up in the air,
he's like...
483
00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:31,334
Forty.
484
00:32:31,418 --> 00:32:33,211
Have you ever fired your gun up
in the air and gone...
485
00:32:33,295 --> 00:32:36,631
No, I have not ever fired my gun
up in the air and gone...
486
00:32:36,715 --> 00:32:38,175
Thirty.

487
00:32:38,258 --> 00:32:41,970
Sorry, I... I just...
I just feel like I'm missing out sometimes.
488
00:32:42,053 --> 00:32:45,056
- I wanna do what you do.
- You do, do what I do.
489
00:32:45,140 --> 00:32:46,933
What on earth
do you think you're missing out on?
490
00:32:47,017 --> 00:32:50,479
Gun fights. Car chases.
Proper action and shit.
491
00:32:50,562 --> 00:32:53,982
Police work is not about
proper action or shit.
492
00:32:54,774 --> 00:32:56,193
Twenty-nine.
493
00:32:56,276 --> 00:32:57,611
If you had paid attention to me in school,
494
00:32:57,694 --> 00:33:00,864
you'd understand that it's not all about
gun fights and car chases.
495
00:33:02,324 --> 00:33:03,617
Fire up the roof.
496
00:33:08,246 --> 00:33:09,956
That was brilliant.
497
00:33:12,667 --> 00:33:15,170
Was I going a tad fast, Officer?
498
00:33:15,670 --> 00:33:17,756
Yes, you were, Mr. Blower.
499
00:33:17,839 --> 00:33:21,092
Well, now, you see,
we are staging a homage
500

00:33:21,176 --> 00:33:25,263

to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet
and I'm a little late for the dress rehearsal.
501
00:33:25,347 --> 00:33:28,391
I'm playing the eponymous hero, you see.
502
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,268
Romeo not Juliet.
503
00:33:32,604 --> 00:33:35,357
- What are you writing?
- Everything you're saying.
504
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:36,858
I might need to refer to it later.
505
00:33:36,942 --> 00:33:41,029
Now, Officer, I am a respected solicitor
so there's no need to...
506
00:33:41,238 --> 00:33:42,656
Just stop writing, will you?
507
00:33:42,739 --> 00:33:47,953
Look, I'm merely trying to explain
why I might have exceeded the speed limit.
508
00:33:48,036 --> 00:33:50,831
You're playing the male lead
in a homage to William Shakespeare's
509
00:33:50,914 --> 00:33:53,834
Romeo and Juliet
and you're late for the dress rehearsal.
510
00:33:53,917 --> 00:33:56,795
You think this is sufficient reason
to travel at 48 in a 30 zone?
511
00:33:56,878 --> 00:33:58,713
- Well, I...
- To flout speed limits
512
00:33:58,797 --> 00:34:02,843
- specifically put in place to save lives.
- Just, look, this is preposterous.

513
00:34:02,926 --> 00:34:06,721
- "Preposterous."
- Look, just stop writing!
514
00:34:06,805 --> 00:34:08,974
"Stop writing."
515
00:34:10,684 --> 00:34:14,729
Look, you're right, I apologize.
516
00:34:16,148 --> 00:34:18,483
- See what I did there?
- You hypnotized him.
517
00:34:18,567 --> 00:34:19,985
No, I used this.
518
00:34:20,068 --> 00:34:22,571
This is the most important piece
of equipment you will ever own.
519
00:34:22,654 --> 00:34:25,532
This notebook has saved my skin
more times than I care to mention.
520
00:34:25,615 --> 00:34:27,159
You should think
about using yours more often.
521
00:34:27,242 --> 00:34:29,244
- I do use mine.
- Show me.
522
00:34:34,666 --> 00:34:37,794
- That's just extraordinary.
- You should see the one on the other side.
523
00:34:43,842 --> 00:34:46,845
- What are you up to tonight?
- I have to water my Peace Lily.
524
00:34:46,928 --> 00:34:48,472
Thought you might wanna do something.
525
00:34:48,555 --> 00:34:51,683
- What exactly were you thinking?
- Don't know. Pub?

526
00:34:51,850 --> 00:34:55,020
I don't think that's a good idea. Do you?
527
00:34:58,023 --> 00:34:59,524
You two.
528
00:34:59,691 --> 00:35:04,070
A Mr. Blower left you tickets
for Romeo and Juliet tonight.
529
00:35:04,154 --> 00:35:05,530
Said it was by way of an apology.
530
00:35:05,614 --> 00:35:07,157
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
531
00:35:07,574 --> 00:35:11,620
Well, we can't accept gifts from somebody
we've officially rebuked. So...
532
00:35:12,078 --> 00:35:13,288
Yeah.
533
00:35:14,623 --> 00:35:16,208
Nicholas. Glad I caught you.
534
00:35:16,291 --> 00:35:20,045
Wondered if you wouldn't mind
representing us at the am drams tonight.
535
00:35:20,128 --> 00:35:23,048
- Yes, sir, of course.
- And there's a spare for Danny, too.
536
00:35:23,131 --> 00:35:26,551
Yeah! Hey, come on, it might be fun.
537
00:35:33,141 --> 00:35:34,184
A dateless bargain to engrossing death.
538
00:35:34,226 --> 00:35:36,937
Here's to my love.
539
00:35:43,819 --> 00:35:44,986

Now.
540
00:35:49,783 --> 00:35:53,328
Poison? I'll kiss thy lips.
541
00:35:54,246 --> 00:35:57,332
Happily some poison
doth yet hang on them.
542
00:36:05,006 --> 00:36:06,174
Bang!
543
00:36:25,026 --> 00:36:28,280
Sergeant Angel, hi-hi.
Quick word for the Sandford Citizen.
544
00:36:28,947 --> 00:36:30,240
It was very enjoyable.
545
00:36:30,323 --> 00:36:32,576
- "Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers"?
- I don't think so.
546
00:36:32,659 --> 00:36:34,286
"Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up
To Teen Suicide"?
547
00:36:34,369 --> 00:36:35,954
That's just grossly inappropriate.
548
00:36:36,621 --> 00:36:40,041
You will try and spell his name
correctly this time, won't you, Timothy?
549
00:36:40,125 --> 00:36:42,586
Absolute tosh, wasn't it?
550
00:36:42,878 --> 00:36:46,965
And annoyingly, the understudies
are actually professional actors.
551
00:36:47,132 --> 00:36:49,593
Greg over there was an extra in Straw Dogs
552
00:36:49,676 --> 00:36:51,553
and Sheree portrayed a cadaver
in Prime Suspect.

553
00:36:51,636 --> 00:36:53,805
Sergeant Angel, you came?
554
00:36:53,889 --> 00:36:57,267
So thrilled you accepted my invitation.
555
00:36:57,350 --> 00:37:00,312
Well, our Inspector
requested we attend. So...
556
00:37:00,395 --> 00:37:05,192
Yeah, we can't accept gifts from
someone we've officially rebuked so...
557
00:37:05,275 --> 00:37:06,610
Jog on.
558
00:37:07,277 --> 00:37:10,489
Congratulations to you and to Mrs. Blower.
559
00:37:12,741 --> 00:37:17,537
Oh, this is not my wife.
This is Miss Draper. My leading lady.
560
00:37:17,829 --> 00:37:22,334
Eve works in the local council, Sergeant.
Quite the lady in the know.
561
00:37:22,375 --> 00:37:25,337
- I am not.
- Nonsense.
562
00:37:25,462 --> 00:37:31,134
I'm sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts
of secrets would come tumbling out.
563
00:37:33,303 --> 00:37:37,599
Romeo, Romeo, a pint of bitter for Romeo?
564
00:37:37,682 --> 00:37:39,559
Thank you very much for coming, George.
Excuse us.
565
00:37:39,643 --> 00:37:41,770
A pleasure, my liege.

566
00:37:41,853 --> 00:37:45,273
- Eve's nice, ain't she?
- She certainly has a distinctive laugh.
567
00:37:45,357 --> 00:37:48,777
She was in my year at school.
Always had a thing for her.
568
00:37:49,569 --> 00:37:51,530
She clearly has a thing for older men.
569
00:37:52,656 --> 00:37:54,950
What, with Martin Blower? No way!
570
00:37:55,450 --> 00:37:58,120
We just sat through three hours
of so-called acting, Constable,
571
00:37:58,203 --> 00:38:00,956
their kiss was
the only convincing moment in it.
572
00:38:01,039 --> 00:38:02,707
Hey, now you come to mention it,
573
00:38:02,791 --> 00:38:05,418
I too have reason to believe
she favors the older gent.
574
00:38:05,502 --> 00:38:06,628
Really? How so?
575
00:38:06,711 --> 00:38:09,798
Marcus Carter's big brother said
he'd fingered her up the duck pond.
576
00:38:13,301 --> 00:38:14,970
Oh, Officers.
577
00:38:15,053 --> 00:38:18,682
Again let me extend
my sincere apologies for earlier.
578
00:38:18,765 --> 00:38:22,144
That's quite all right, Mr. Blower. Drive safe.
579

00:38:27,357 --> 00:38:30,527

"Drive safe." Oh, my God.
580
00:38:30,610 --> 00:38:32,988
You know that's the bloke
we done for speeding earlier.
581
00:38:33,071 --> 00:38:35,991
Yeah. Hopefully,
that's the last we'll see of him.
582
00:38:48,336 --> 00:38:49,671
Who is it?
583
00:38:54,259 --> 00:38:55,385
We haven't got long.
584
00:38:57,345 --> 00:38:58,555
To us.
585
00:39:00,765 --> 00:39:02,017
Who is it?
586
00:39:13,904 --> 00:39:15,238
Yeah?
587
00:39:18,116 --> 00:39:19,951
- ...decaffeinated?
- Decaffeinated?
588
00:39:24,539 --> 00:39:27,626
Little Brian Libby found them,
out on his paper round.
589
00:39:28,418 --> 00:39:31,254
Oh, he'll be having nightmares for a while.
590
00:39:31,713 --> 00:39:35,634
Must have hit the sign at some speed.
Took the whole top off.
591
00:39:35,717 --> 00:39:38,762
- I've had my top off in this lay-by.
- Tits.
592
00:39:38,845 --> 00:39:45,393
Most likely lost control,

left the road there and then ended up here.

593
00:39:47,062 --> 00:39:51,399
So, what do we reckon?
594
00:39:52,192 --> 00:39:53,652
Sergeant Angel?
595
00:39:54,236 --> 00:39:57,072
Well, we should get a proper cordon off,
screen the remains from public view.
596
00:39:57,155 --> 00:39:58,865
Close down the road
until the ambulance crew arrives,
597
00:39:58,949 --> 00:40:02,285
whereupon we should open
a single lane of traffic and ease congestion.
598
00:40:02,828 --> 00:40:04,162
Very good.
599
00:40:04,830 --> 00:40:05,914
What he said.
600
00:40:11,294 --> 00:40:13,421
- What happened, Danny?
- Car accident.
601
00:40:13,505 --> 00:40:15,257
Nasty way to go.
602
00:40:16,091 --> 00:40:18,093
Constable, official vocab guidelines state
603
00:40:18,176 --> 00:40:21,263
we no longer refer to these incidents
as "accidents," they're now "collisions."
604
00:40:21,346 --> 00:40:22,430
Right.
605
00:40:22,514 --> 00:40:28,645
"For never was there a story of more woe.
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

606
00:40:28,937 --> 00:40:32,607
- Excuse me?
- Martin and Eve. Such a tragedy.
607
00:40:32,691 --> 00:40:34,276
Mr. Skinner, do you mind telling me
608
00:40:34,359 --> 00:40:36,570
how you know the identity
of the persons involved?
609
00:40:36,653 --> 00:40:40,115
You know how it is. News travels fast.
610
00:40:40,323 --> 00:40:44,453
A love struck Romeo
sings a streetsus serenade
611
00:40:45,078 --> 00:40:47,456
- What happened, Danny?
- Traffic collision.
612
00:40:48,707 --> 00:40:50,625
Hey, why can't we say "accident" again?
613
00:40:50,709 --> 00:40:53,170
Because "accident" implies
there's nobody to blame.
614
00:40:54,671 --> 00:40:56,089
Put a sock in it, town mouse.
615
00:40:56,173 --> 00:40:59,926
Yeah, you wanna be a big cop in
a small town, fuck off up the model village.
616
00:41:00,010 --> 00:41:02,429
I'm just saying,
things aren't always as simple as they look.
617
00:41:02,512 --> 00:41:04,347
Most times they are.
618
00:41:04,431 --> 00:41:07,184
Let's just wait till Doctor Hatcher
comes back with something,

619
00:41:07,267 --> 00:41:09,853
before you go jumping the Kalashnikov.
620
00:41:09,936 --> 00:41:13,064
All right, in the meantime, why don't you
check out a few of Martin Blower's clients?
621
00:41:13,148 --> 00:41:16,026
Martin Blower represents
damn near most of the village.
622
00:41:16,109 --> 00:41:17,652
Did you want us to go through
the whole phone book?
623
00:41:17,736 --> 00:41:20,530
Yeah, or put a call into Aaron A. Aaronson,
shall we?
624
00:41:20,614 --> 00:41:21,948
Please, don't be childish.
625
00:41:22,032 --> 00:41:23,325
At least consider interviewing the widow.
626
00:41:23,408 --> 00:41:25,494
Martin Blower was clearly having
an affair with Eve Draper.
627
00:41:25,577 --> 00:41:28,997
Oh, and how did you establish that?
628
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,833
'Cause we sat through three hours
of so-called acting last night,
629
00:41:31,917 --> 00:41:34,336
and the kiss was
the only convincing moment in it.
630
00:41:34,419 --> 00:41:36,505
All right, pipe down, big one.
631
00:41:36,588 --> 00:41:39,132
Here, what else you got,
Crockett and Tubby?

632
00:41:39,216 --> 00:41:41,635
- Skid marks.
- Now who's being childish?
633
00:41:41,718 --> 00:41:43,553
There were no skid marks at the scene.
634
00:41:43,637 --> 00:41:46,598
Doesn't it seem a little strange that
Martin Blower would lose control of his car
635
00:41:46,681 --> 00:41:48,600
and not think to apply the brakes?
636
00:41:49,226 --> 00:41:50,519
If there were no skid marks it follows
637
00:41:50,602 --> 00:41:54,523
that for 300 yards both driver and passenger
did nothing to prevent their fate.
638
00:41:54,606 --> 00:41:56,608
You don't have to be a detective
to work that out!
639
00:41:56,691 --> 00:41:57,859
Yeah.
640
00:41:57,943 --> 00:42:01,029
- Are you causing trouble?
- Yes, they are.
641
00:42:01,112 --> 00:42:04,324
Well, a spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.
642
00:42:04,407 --> 00:42:07,911
Old Arthur Webley's been clipping
hedgerows that don't belong to him.
643
00:42:07,994 --> 00:42:09,704
- Yes, sir?
- That's it.
644
00:42:10,705 --> 00:42:11,832
Yes, sir.
645

00:42:17,796 --> 00:42:21,133

- Why do we need the dog?
- It's not the dog we need.
646
00:42:28,890 --> 00:42:29,975
Right.
647
00:42:30,058 --> 00:42:31,184
What did he say?
648
00:42:37,065 --> 00:42:38,733
- What did he say?
- He said, "An 'edge is an 'edge.
649
00:42:38,817 --> 00:42:40,402
"He only chopped it down
'cause it spoilt his view.
650
00:42:40,485 --> 00:42:41,903
"What's Reaper moaning about?"
651
00:42:41,987 --> 00:42:43,071
Right.
652
00:42:43,155 --> 00:42:44,489
Look, I appreciate your position,
Mr. Webley,
653
00:42:44,573 --> 00:42:47,742
but you can't go around chopping down
other people's hedges without permission.
654
00:42:49,786 --> 00:42:51,121
"Yes, I suppose."
655
00:42:51,204 --> 00:42:52,330
Thank you.
656
00:42:53,081 --> 00:42:54,583
All right.
657
00:42:56,251 --> 00:42:59,087
Mr. Webley,
I trust you have a license for that firearm?
658
00:43:01,465 --> 00:43:03,049
He does for this one.

659
00:43:04,801 --> 00:43:06,261
What do you mean by "this one"?
660
00:43:19,858 --> 00:43:22,527
By the power of Grey Skull.
661
00:43:22,611 --> 00:43:24,571
Where on earth did you get these?
662
00:43:24,654 --> 00:43:26,573
- Found them.
- He found them!
663
00:43:26,656 --> 00:43:30,243
- And what is this?
- Sea mine.
664
00:43:30,327 --> 00:43:31,870
Sea mine.
665
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,664
Well, Mr. Webley,
this is an extremely dangerous collection.
666
00:43:34,748 --> 00:43:36,249
It's a wonder nobody's been hurt before.
667
00:43:36,333 --> 00:43:38,335
No, it's just a lot of junk.
668
00:43:50,514 --> 00:43:52,599
Move, move, move!
669
00:44:13,578 --> 00:44:16,456
- You what?
- No, apparently it's been deactivated. Over.
670
00:44:16,540 --> 00:44:18,625
That's right, deactivated!
671
00:44:18,708 --> 00:44:20,627
- It's not live.
- It looks live.
672
00:44:20,710 --> 00:44:21,795

All right.
673
00:44:44,818 --> 00:44:47,154
That was quite an impressive haul today,
Constable Butterman.
674
00:44:47,237 --> 00:44:50,657
Well, you know, I mean, maybe
we should do something to celebrate.
675
00:44:50,740 --> 00:44:52,159
Unless you gotta water your Peace Lily.
676
00:44:52,242 --> 00:44:55,662
- What exactly did you have in mind?
- I don't know. Pub?
677
00:45:01,334 --> 00:45:02,961
Right you are, my love.
678
00:45:03,044 --> 00:45:05,130
Yes, sirs, what can I get you?
679
00:45:05,213 --> 00:45:06,798
Pint of lager, please, Roy.
680
00:45:06,882 --> 00:45:08,508
And what can I get you
that isn't a cranberry juice?
681
00:45:08,592 --> 00:45:11,219
- I don't really wanna get drunk.
- You can get a little drunk.
682
00:45:11,303 --> 00:45:14,014
- Okay, I'll have one.
- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
683
00:45:14,347 --> 00:45:16,349
Mr. Porter, what's your wine selection?
684
00:45:16,433 --> 00:45:21,062
Oh, we got red or white.
685
00:45:22,272 --> 00:45:25,442
- I'll have a pint of lager, please.
- Yeah, Roy.

686
00:45:30,489 --> 00:45:34,785
- Any news from earlier?
- Yeah. CSI found nothing.
687
00:45:34,868 --> 00:45:39,372
Doctor Hatcher reported no misadventure
and Mrs. Blower has four alibis.
688
00:45:39,456 --> 00:45:45,378
Now, come on, Sergeant, it's not your job
to investigate this incident, is it?
689
00:45:46,213 --> 00:45:47,339
Is it?
690
00:45:47,464 --> 00:45:49,883
- No, it isn't.
- No, it isn't.
691
00:45:52,427 --> 00:45:55,680
- You don't switch off, do you?
- You sound like my ex.
692
00:45:56,306 --> 00:45:59,851
- Well, you are always thinking away.
- It's what I do.
693
00:45:59,935 --> 00:46:03,355
- Don't get me wrong. I think it's amazing.
- Really?
694
00:46:03,438 --> 00:46:06,066
I mean,
what made you wanna be a policeman?
695
00:46:06,149 --> 00:46:07,234
Officer.
696
00:46:07,317 --> 00:46:09,903
What made you wanna be
a policeman-officer?
697
00:46:12,447 --> 00:46:15,867
I don't remember a time
when I didn't wanna be a police officer.
698

00:46:15,951 --> 00:46:19,704

Apart from the summer of 1979
when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog.
699
00:46:20,705 --> 00:46:24,709
It all started with my Uncle Derek.
He was a Sergeant in the Met.
700
00:46:24,793 --> 00:46:27,712
He bought me a police pedal car
when I was five.
701
00:46:27,796 --> 00:46:29,923
I rode round in it every second I was awake.
702
00:46:30,006 --> 00:46:33,385
Arresting kids twice my size
for littering and spitting.
703
00:46:33,468 --> 00:46:36,555
I got beaten up a lot when I was young
but it didn't stop me.
704
00:46:36,638 --> 00:46:38,557
I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.
705
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:39,724
He sounds like a good bloke.
706
00:46:39,808 --> 00:46:42,144
Actually, he was arrested
for selling drugs to students.
707
00:46:42,227 --> 00:46:43,353
What a cunt.
708
00:46:43,436 --> 00:46:45,856
Probably bought the pedal car
with the proceeds.
709
00:46:45,939 --> 00:46:49,234
Needless to say I never went near it again.
I just let it rust.
710
00:46:49,317 --> 00:46:51,361
But I never forgot
the clear sense of right and wrong

711
00:46:51,444 --> 00:46:53,446
that I felt at the wheel of that pedal car.
712
00:46:53,530 --> 00:46:56,158
I had to prove to myself
that the law could be proper
713
00:46:56,241 --> 00:46:58,618
and righteous
and for the good of humankind.
714
00:46:58,702 --> 00:47:02,330
It was from that moment,
I was destined to be a police officer.
715
00:47:02,956 --> 00:47:04,958
- Shame.
- How so?
716
00:47:05,041 --> 00:47:07,586
I think you would've made a great muppet.
717
00:47:11,214 --> 00:47:14,092
What about you? What made you
wanna become a police officer?
718
00:47:14,468 --> 00:47:17,596
I don't know. Dad does it.
719
00:47:17,679 --> 00:47:21,850
I think after my mum died, it's what
he wanted, you know, keep me close by.
720
00:47:21,933 --> 00:47:25,937
- Do you mind if I ask how she died?
- Traffic collision.
721
00:47:26,730 --> 00:47:28,106
I'm sorry.
722
00:47:29,274 --> 00:47:31,485
Never mind. Hey, watch this.
723
00:47:32,819 --> 00:47:35,238
- Jesus Christ!
- Oh, my eye!

724
00:47:36,907 --> 00:47:38,074
Ta-da!
725
00:47:38,158 --> 00:47:39,993
Hey, come on, silly bollocks, get them in.
726
00:47:52,339 --> 00:47:55,133
- 777.
- Mr. Skinner.
727
00:47:55,217 --> 00:47:57,803
- You know George Merchant, don't you?
- Evening, Officer.
728
00:47:57,886 --> 00:48:00,806
Yes, we were just discussing the accident.
729
00:48:00,889 --> 00:48:04,309
I'd come to know Martin
and Eve very well of late.
730
00:48:04,392 --> 00:48:05,936
Such a loss.
731
00:48:06,019 --> 00:48:08,480
What say we drink to their demise?
732
00:48:08,563 --> 00:48:10,106
Shouldn't that be "drink to their memories"?
733
00:48:10,190 --> 00:48:12,442
Of course. Cheers.
734
00:48:12,526 --> 00:48:14,361
I must go to the little boys' room.
735
00:48:15,737 --> 00:48:18,490
- I'm all right!
- "Little" being the operative word.
736
00:48:19,074 --> 00:48:21,660
Oh, he'll be in bits tomorrow.
737
00:48:30,460 --> 00:48:33,130
I think somebody needs to go home.

738
00:48:33,213 --> 00:48:37,008
- I'm... I'm not that drunk, sir.
- Not you. Him.
739
00:48:39,094 --> 00:48:40,428
What?
740
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:45,559
Hey, we did get a little drunk.
Did you get it?
741
00:48:45,642 --> 00:48:48,353
'Cause he's... He's little and he's drunk.
742
00:48:50,188 --> 00:48:52,107
Oh, good grief.
743
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,402
It's hardly in keeping
with the village's rustic esthetic, is it?
744
00:48:57,279 --> 00:48:59,781
- How much do I owe you?
- Twenty quid.
745
00:48:59,865 --> 00:49:01,867
There you go.
746
00:49:02,367 --> 00:49:04,578
- And there's your change.
- God bless you.
747
00:49:05,245 --> 00:49:06,496
Bye-bye.
748
00:49:09,541 --> 00:49:11,126
I'm all right.
749
00:49:14,379 --> 00:49:16,214
I would not wanna be him in the morning.
750
00:49:27,100 --> 00:49:30,187
Well, this is me.
751
00:49:30,770 --> 00:49:34,524
Well, I shall see you in the morning.

752
00:49:34,608 --> 00:49:37,486
Unless you wanna come in
for a cup of coffee?
753
00:49:37,569 --> 00:49:40,238
- I don't drink coffee.
- Tea?
754
00:49:40,322 --> 00:49:42,365
No caffeine after midday.
755
00:49:43,116 --> 00:49:44,993
How about another beer?
756
00:49:52,709 --> 00:49:53,877
Oh, dear.
757
00:50:00,217 --> 00:50:03,553
- When did you move in?
- About five years ago.
758
00:50:04,763 --> 00:50:07,474
- You should get some house plants.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
759
00:50:07,557 --> 00:50:10,393
Yeah. I've been tending my Peace Lily
for about three years now.
760
00:50:11,978 --> 00:50:15,524
It oxygenates the room,
helps you think, relieves stress.
761
00:50:15,607 --> 00:50:17,442
Its needs are simple.
762
00:50:21,738 --> 00:50:24,908
Janine used to say I love my Lily
more than I loved her.
763
00:50:24,991 --> 00:50:27,244
- Is that why you split up?
- What?
764
00:50:28,161 --> 00:50:31,581
- 'Cause you did it with a plant?

- No, no, no.

765
00:50:31,665 --> 00:50:35,210
It was more about me being
obsessed with the job.
766
00:50:35,502 --> 00:50:37,838
That's good though, right?
767
00:50:38,338 --> 00:50:39,798
Is it though?
768
00:50:39,881 --> 00:50:45,178
I did miss a few dinners.
You know, parties, a birthday or two.
769
00:50:45,262 --> 00:50:48,306
- Listen, mate, I...
- Her dad's funeral.
770
00:50:49,432 --> 00:50:53,854
- I just wanna be good at what I do.
- You are good at what you do.
771
00:50:55,438 --> 00:50:59,776
You've just gotta learn to switch off
that big old melon of yours.
772
00:51:01,820 --> 00:51:03,905
That's the whole problem, Danny.
773
00:51:07,284 --> 00:51:09,286
I don't think I know how.
774
00:51:10,203 --> 00:51:12,205
I can show you how.
775
00:51:18,211 --> 00:51:20,881
By the power of Grey Skull.
776
00:51:21,631 --> 00:51:24,050
Point Break or Bad Boys II?
777
00:51:24,134 --> 00:51:25,469
Which one do you think I'll prefer?
778

00:51:25,552 --> 00:51:27,679

No, I mean which one
do you wanna watch first?
779
00:51:27,762 --> 00:51:28,972
You are pulling my leg?
780
00:52:10,013 --> 00:52:12,015
What did you think of that?
781
00:52:12,098 --> 00:52:14,893
Well, I won't argue
that it was a no holds barred,
782
00:52:14,976 --> 00:52:18,021
adrenalin fueled thrill ride
but there's no way you could perpetrate
783
00:52:18,104 --> 00:52:22,359
that amount of carnage and mayhem and not
incur a considerable amount of paperwork.
784
00:52:22,442 --> 00:52:23,777
That is nothing, man.
785
00:52:23,860 --> 00:52:25,529
This is about to go off.
786
00:52:41,628 --> 00:52:43,213
This shit just got real.
787
00:52:47,092 --> 00:52:48,844
Nasty way to go.
788
00:52:48,927 --> 00:52:52,931
I think our Mr. Merchant tried to have
a little fry up and left the gas on.
789
00:52:54,766 --> 00:52:57,936
Spends his whole life
devoted to the refrigerator
790
00:52:58,186 --> 00:53:00,564
then gets killed by an oven.
791
00:53:01,565 --> 00:53:04,860
I told him several times,

you shouldn't eat late at night.

792
00:53:04,943 --> 00:53:07,863
Oh, I don't know.
I quite like a little midnight gobble.
793
00:53:07,946 --> 00:53:09,156
Cocks.
794
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:12,909
So, what do we reckon? Angel?
795
00:53:14,244 --> 00:53:15,370
Help me.
796
00:53:15,912 --> 00:53:19,458
Okay, we get a proper cordon up,
we let the fire crews finish their stuff,
797
00:53:19,541 --> 00:53:22,294
and then we get forensics in
to do a thorough sweep of the house.
798
00:53:22,377 --> 00:53:25,088
Very good. What he said.
799
00:53:25,172 --> 00:53:27,299
Sergeant Angel, hi-hi. A quick word?
800
00:53:27,382 --> 00:53:29,718
Mr. Messenger,
a statement will be issued shortly.
801
00:53:29,801 --> 00:53:32,471
Actually, I just wanted to ask,
"What's your perfect Sunday?"
802
00:53:32,554 --> 00:53:34,931
I'll deal with the press, Sergeant.
803
00:53:35,015 --> 00:53:39,978
Now, my perfect Sunday
is a lovely long lie in...
804
00:53:40,645 --> 00:53:45,275
Fire to destroy all you've done

805
00:53:49,529 --> 00:53:50,781
Like in the films.
806
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,950
Something like,
something out of Backdraft.
807
00:53:55,786 --> 00:53:59,080
- What are you thinking? Foul play?
- Maybe.
808
00:53:59,539 --> 00:54:03,084
We're just hoping to talk to the last people
to see Mr. Merchant alive.
809
00:54:03,502 --> 00:54:08,590
Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Asswipe
and a Constable Fanny Batterbum.
810
00:54:08,673 --> 00:54:11,593
- That's us.
- Why is this such a big joke to you?
811
00:54:11,676 --> 00:54:13,136
Three people have died in a week.
812
00:54:13,220 --> 00:54:15,847
Oh, come on, Doctor Sherlock,
they were accidents.
813
00:54:15,931 --> 00:54:17,432
People have accidents every day.
814
00:54:17,516 --> 00:54:20,435
- The victims knew each other.
- Everyone knows everyone round here.
815
00:54:20,519 --> 00:54:23,772
Yeah. If you didn't see anything suspicious,
then who did?
816
00:54:29,111 --> 00:54:31,029
It's a bit of a blind spot, I'm afraid.
817
00:54:31,113 --> 00:54:33,365
We just catch the very edge
of the explosion.

818
00:54:33,448 --> 00:54:35,283
Nasty way to go.
819
00:54:35,367 --> 00:54:37,953
- There was something took my eye.
- Really? What's that?
820
00:54:38,787 --> 00:54:40,997
Sandford's most wanted.
821
00:54:42,874 --> 00:54:45,252
There you go. It was the swan all along.
822
00:54:45,335 --> 00:54:48,630
- This is not funny, Detective!
- Oh, give over, Miss Marples.
823
00:54:48,713 --> 00:54:51,133
Yeah, you do your job
and we'll do ours, eh?
824
00:54:51,216 --> 00:54:53,468
Yeah. Haven't you got
a church fete to look after?
825
00:54:53,552 --> 00:54:55,512
No, I have not!
826
00:54:56,471 --> 00:54:57,639
Actually.
827
00:55:03,645 --> 00:55:04,688
Testing. Testing.
828
00:55:04,729 --> 00:55:05,730
Someone's in for a surprise at 3:00,
ladies and gentlemen.
829
00:55:05,772 --> 00:55:07,816
It's the raffle with
a very special guest presenter.
830
00:55:07,899 --> 00:55:10,485
Out in the country
831

00:55:10,735 --> 00:55:14,656

Far from all the sorts of noise of the city
832
00:55:14,823 --> 00:55:17,325
There's a village green
833
00:55:17,409 --> 00:55:21,288
It's been a long time since I last set eyes
834
00:55:21,371 --> 00:55:23,498
On the church with a steeple
835
00:55:23,582 --> 00:55:25,792
That's me after a couple of pints.
836
00:55:25,959 --> 00:55:27,335
Splat the rat.
837
00:55:29,963 --> 00:55:31,715
Splat the rat.
838
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:35,844
Splat the rat.
839
00:55:37,971 --> 00:55:39,514
Shark!
840
00:55:41,349 --> 00:55:43,310
Seen any murderings, Nicholarse?
841
00:55:43,393 --> 00:55:46,021
Come on, boys.
Leave Sergeant Angel alone, he's working.
842
00:55:46,104 --> 00:55:49,566
Sorry, Chief,
won't waste any more police time.
843
00:55:49,649 --> 00:55:50,859
Have a nice time.
844
00:55:50,942 --> 00:55:53,361
Actually, Nicholas,
you might as well take a break.
845
00:55:53,445 --> 00:55:56,239

Hey, great. I've got something to show you.

846
00:56:02,204 --> 00:56:05,165
- This is a rifle range.
- You'll be really good at it.
847
00:56:05,248 --> 00:56:07,709
Feeling lucky, Sergeant?
848
00:56:08,543 --> 00:56:13,173
Three cans wins you the squeaky bunny,
five cans gets you the floppy lion.
849
00:56:13,256 --> 00:56:18,345
Take out all the little people,
you get to waltz off with the cuddly monkey.
850
00:56:19,471 --> 00:56:22,891
I thought I made it clear to you
how I feel about firearms.
851
00:56:22,974 --> 00:56:25,310
It's only an air rifle.
852
00:56:25,602 --> 00:56:26,770
Sergeant.
853
00:56:45,413 --> 00:56:47,124
Dear Lord!
854
00:56:48,500 --> 00:56:50,585
That was amazing.
855
00:56:55,048 --> 00:56:57,968
- Thank you, Danny.
- I can't believe I shot someone.
856
00:56:58,051 --> 00:57:01,304
- He's a doctor, he can deal with it.
- I never shot anyone before.
857
00:57:01,388 --> 00:57:03,598
Danny, believe me,
it's not something you ever get used to.
858
00:57:03,682 --> 00:57:05,934
Yeah. Maybe we should

go on the bouncy castle.

859
00:57:06,017 --> 00:57:07,102
Take our minds off of it.
860
00:57:07,185 --> 00:57:09,104
- Sergeant Angel, hi-hi.
- Mr. Messenger.
861
00:57:09,187 --> 00:57:11,815
I need to talk to you
about George Merchant. Alone.
862
00:57:12,274 --> 00:57:14,526
Churchyard. 3:00.
863
00:57:16,194 --> 00:57:17,320
What do you think he wants?
864
00:57:17,404 --> 00:57:20,449
Would
Sergeant Angel come to the stage, please?
865
00:57:23,493 --> 00:57:27,456
Here to announce the winners is the newest
addition to the Sandford Police Force.
866
00:57:27,539 --> 00:57:28,665
Service.
867
00:57:28,748 --> 00:57:30,500
Sergeant Nicholas Angel.
868
00:57:33,044 --> 00:57:34,337
- Prick.
- Wanker.
869
00:57:35,630 --> 00:57:37,799
Hello. Hello.
870
00:57:54,858 --> 00:57:59,488
The first name is Simon Skinner.
871
00:58:02,491 --> 00:58:04,034
He's in the loo.
872

00:58:04,785 --> 00:58:07,162

Too much of Joyce's lemonade, perhaps.
873
00:58:29,518 --> 00:58:31,937
And the next name is...
874
00:58:47,327 --> 00:58:49,663
Tim, your number's up.
875
00:58:58,713 --> 00:59:00,340
Excuse me. Excuse me.
876
00:59:02,843 --> 00:59:04,052
Hi-hi.
877
00:59:08,557 --> 00:59:09,850
Oh, no!
878
00:59:15,188 --> 00:59:18,108
Stand back, stand back!
There's been a terrible accident.
879
00:59:18,191 --> 00:59:20,902
- Accident?
- Just an accident.
880
00:59:21,528 --> 00:59:24,281
It's all right, it's all right.
There's nothing to see.
881
00:59:24,364 --> 00:59:28,201
Come on, everybody. It's all right.
It's just an accident.
882
00:59:36,918 --> 00:59:38,545
Nicholas, what is it?
883
00:59:38,628 --> 00:59:42,674
Sir, I think all these deaths are linked.
I think Tim Messenger was murdered.
884
00:59:43,091 --> 00:59:46,261
- Who could do something like this?
- Maybe it was the swan.
885
00:59:46,344 --> 00:59:49,431
- Apparently, they can break a man's arm.

- Or blow up a man's house.

886
00:59:49,514 --> 00:59:52,476
- Listen, you pair of...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Nicholas.
887
00:59:52,976 --> 00:59:55,312
Now, let me get this straight.
888
00:59:56,313 --> 01:00:00,317
- Are you saying that this is a crime scene?
- Yes, sir, I am.
889
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:01,777
Very well.
890
01:00:02,319 --> 01:00:03,403
- Detectives.
- Sir.
891
01:00:03,487 --> 01:00:05,071
Start interviewing everyone
who was at the fete.
892
01:00:05,155 --> 01:00:06,239
Oh, he's got shorts on.
893
01:00:06,323 --> 01:00:07,449
- Sergeant Fisher?
- What?
894
01:00:07,532 --> 01:00:08,950
- Secure the area.
- What?
895
01:00:09,034 --> 01:00:10,243
- PC Thatcher?
- Yes, love?
896
01:00:10,327 --> 01:00:11,953
Get the CSI down here.
897
01:00:12,037 --> 01:00:13,246
PC Walker?
898
01:00:13,330 --> 01:00:15,624
Patrol the churchyard with Saxon.

899
01:00:15,707 --> 01:00:18,919
Nicholas, Danny, you know what to do.
900
01:00:25,217 --> 01:00:27,385
Do you really think this is murder?
901
01:00:27,552 --> 01:00:29,137
I just don't think we should rule it out,
that's all.
902
01:00:29,221 --> 01:00:30,722
Yeah. I think you're right.
903
01:00:30,806 --> 01:00:33,058
I think you're talking a load of old shit.
904
01:00:33,767 --> 01:00:37,020
He thinks you're talking a load of shit.
Swings and roundabouts, isn't it?
905
01:00:37,354 --> 01:00:38,605
Pain in the arse.
906
01:00:38,855 --> 01:00:40,899
- Did you find anything?
- Yeah.
907
01:00:40,982 --> 01:00:42,818
I was extremely shocked
when I looked at my watch
908
01:00:42,901 --> 01:00:44,319
and discovered that I should be in the pub.
909
01:00:44,402 --> 01:00:46,696
Did you go to his house?
Did you read his articles?
910
01:00:46,780 --> 01:00:50,242
If you wanna wade through every copy of
the Sandford bloody Citizen, be our guest.
911
01:00:50,325 --> 01:00:52,244
It's your job, isn't it? Detect!
912

01:00:52,327 --> 01:00:56,581

This ain't the city, Mr. Angel.
Not everyone's a murdering psychopath.
913
01:00:56,748 --> 01:01:00,168
It's high time you realized that.
You and your monkey.
914
01:01:03,505 --> 01:01:05,465
Did he mean me or that?
915
01:01:07,134 --> 01:01:09,344
Oh, maybe we should go home.
916
01:01:09,553 --> 01:01:12,639
- What do you mean?
- Well, there's nothing going on, is there?
917
01:01:12,722 --> 01:01:14,349
Have you listened to anything that I've said?
918
01:01:14,432 --> 01:01:15,559
What do you mean?
919
01:01:15,642 --> 01:01:17,185
Is anything I've told you
in the last two weeks
920
01:01:17,269 --> 01:01:19,312
- sunk into that thick skull of yours?
- Yeah.
921
01:01:19,396 --> 01:01:21,106
Has it? Like what?
922
01:01:21,648 --> 01:01:23,567
You said I could be
an amazing policeman-officer.
923
01:01:23,650 --> 01:01:26,069
There's always something going on, Danny.
924
01:01:26,153 --> 01:01:29,781
And you won't be an amazing police officer
until you understand that.
925
01:01:29,865 --> 01:01:32,242

Well, I remembered something else

you said and all.
926
01:01:32,325 --> 01:01:33,952
- Oh, did you now?
- Yeah.
927
01:01:34,035 --> 01:01:36,329
You don't know how to switch off!
928
01:02:10,530 --> 01:02:11,990
Well, if you wanna wade through every copy
929
01:02:12,073 --> 01:02:14,367
of the Sandford bloody Citizen,
be our guest.
930
01:02:51,947 --> 01:02:54,533
- Morning, Constable.
- All right?
931
01:02:55,867 --> 01:02:57,786
Thanks for the monkey.
932
01:02:58,620 --> 01:03:01,164
- Yours, isn't it?
- I won it for you.
933
01:03:04,793 --> 01:03:06,753
Danny, I think I'm on to something.
934
01:03:06,837 --> 01:03:08,004
- Are you?
- Yes.
935
01:03:08,088 --> 01:03:12,425
And I think with a little deliberation
we can figure out what links these deaths.
936
01:03:12,884 --> 01:03:16,304
- We?
- Come on, partner. Let's go to work.
937
01:03:17,430 --> 01:03:19,349
Oh, oh, Sergeant Angel?
938
01:03:19,432 --> 01:03:24,062

- Someone from London called for you.

- Tell them I'll call them back.
939
01:03:24,896 --> 01:03:26,022
- Tim Messenger.
- Go.
940
01:03:26,106 --> 01:03:27,941
Editor and journalist
at The Sandford Citizen.
941
01:03:28,024 --> 01:03:29,317
- Fondness for puns.
- Go on.
942
01:03:29,401 --> 01:03:30,527
- Terrible speller.
- Oh, yeah?
943
01:03:30,610 --> 01:03:32,571
Nevertheless had uncovered
important information about...
944
01:03:32,654 --> 01:03:34,406
- George Merchant.
- Self-made millionaire.
945
01:03:34,364 --> 01:03:36,533
Fancied himself as a property developer.
946
01:03:36,616 --> 01:03:39,369
- Said he had big plans for Sandford.
- Pissed on the floor in The Crown.
947
01:03:39,453 --> 01:03:41,621
But more importantly,
was a good friend and client of...
948
01:03:41,705 --> 01:03:43,457
- Martin Blower.
- Respected solicitor.
949
01:03:43,540 --> 01:03:45,792
- Affirmatron.
- Leading light of the local drama society.
950
01:03:45,876 --> 01:03:47,294
- Bad actor.

- Undoubtedly.
951
01:03:47,377 --> 01:03:48,920
- Bad driver.
- Not necessarily.
952
01:03:49,045 --> 01:03:50,672
- Cheated on his missus.
- Most certainly.
953
01:03:50,797 --> 01:03:52,716
- And we both know who with.
- Eve Draper.
954
01:03:52,799 --> 01:03:55,635
- Blower's leading lady. Distinctive laugh.
- True.
955
01:03:55,719 --> 01:03:57,137
- Favored older men.
- Fingered.
956
01:03:57,220 --> 01:03:58,472
- Worked at?
- Council.
957
01:03:58,555 --> 01:04:01,266
- More specifically?
- Department of Planning and Development.
958
01:04:01,391 --> 01:04:02,976
Where George Merchant secured permission
959
01:04:03,059 --> 01:04:05,437
to build his dubious mansion
on Norris Avenue.
960
01:04:05,562 --> 01:04:06,646
So...
961
01:04:06,730 --> 01:04:10,817
Maybe they were all accidents.
People have accidents every day.
962
01:04:12,152 --> 01:04:14,654
- What are you two up to?
- Nothing.

963
01:04:14,738 --> 01:04:15,864
Well, look sharp.
964
01:04:15,989 --> 01:04:18,700
- There's been reports of a fire in the station.
- What?
965
01:04:18,825 --> 01:04:22,454
Happy birthday to you
966
01:04:22,579 --> 01:04:26,750
Happy birthday to you
967
01:04:26,833 --> 01:04:30,504
- Danny, why didn't you say something?
- We were working, weren't we?
968
01:04:32,923 --> 01:04:35,967
- Hey, where are you going?
- Personal errand.
969
01:04:42,766 --> 01:04:44,184
Hello, Miss Tiller.
970
01:04:44,267 --> 01:04:46,978
I was wondering,
do you have any Japanese Peace Lilies?
971
01:04:47,103 --> 01:04:48,480
Of course.
972
01:04:49,272 --> 01:04:51,691
I was just about to pop off, actually.
973
01:04:52,526 --> 01:04:54,820
I can never find my scissors.
974
01:04:55,112 --> 01:04:59,032
- Is this for someone special?
- Yes. Yes, it is.
975
01:05:01,451 --> 01:05:06,081
- Are you going somewhere, Miss Tiller?
- Yes. I'm moving away.
976
01:05:07,207 --> 01:05:10,377

And why the move,

if you don't mind me asking?
977
01:05:10,460 --> 01:05:15,298
- Well, just between you and I...
- Yes?
978
01:05:15,549 --> 01:05:18,426
- You know that fella who blew up?
- George Merchant.
979
01:05:18,552 --> 01:05:21,680
Well, George Merchant, God rest him,
wanted to buy this land,
980
01:05:21,805 --> 01:05:25,350
so he sends round his legal fella,
Martin Blower, God rest him,
981
01:05:25,475 --> 01:05:27,561
and I thought I might take them up on it.
982
01:05:27,644 --> 01:05:31,356
I haven't really got that much family
round here, save for Cousin Sissy.
983
01:05:31,481 --> 01:05:34,901
So I thought I might take them up
on the offer and move to Buford Abbey.
984
01:05:34,985 --> 01:05:36,987
Would you like a card with this?
985
01:05:37,154 --> 01:05:39,448
No, sorry, you were talking about the offer?
986
01:05:39,573 --> 01:05:42,742
Well, it turns out that Martin Blower,
God rest him,
987
01:05:42,826 --> 01:05:44,995
knew where the new bypass road is going
988
01:05:45,078 --> 01:05:48,165
because he was knocking off Eve Draper
from the council, God rest her,
989

01:05:48,248 --> 01:05:51,960

and then that reporter, God rest him,
finds out about the route
990
01:05:52,085 --> 01:05:54,171
and tells me this land's very valuable.
991
01:05:54,254 --> 01:05:58,341
Ten times what George Merchant and
Martin Blower, God rest them, offered me.
992
01:05:58,425 --> 01:06:01,428
So, with them having passed on,
I decided to sell it on myself
993
01:06:01,511 --> 01:06:04,306
to some folks from the city
that Martin, George and Eve,
994
01:06:04,431 --> 01:06:06,433
God rest the lot of them,
had been talking to.
995
01:06:06,516 --> 01:06:09,352
Apparently, they want to build
a big shopping center or something.
996
01:06:09,436 --> 01:06:12,230
Of course, Cousin Sissy won't be
too happy about that,
997
01:06:12,355 --> 01:06:14,399
but as far as I'm concerned,
Cousin Sissy can go and fuck...
998
01:06:14,524 --> 01:06:17,110
Would you just excuse me,
for just one second?
999
01:06:32,375 --> 01:06:33,543
Stop!
1000
01:06:34,461 --> 01:06:36,046
In the name of the law!
1001
01:07:34,271 --> 01:07:36,231
Hang about, hang about.

1002
01:07:37,107 --> 01:07:39,359
You're saying this wasn't an accident?
1003
01:07:40,694 --> 01:07:42,737
Leslie Tiller was fucking murdered!
1004
01:07:42,863 --> 01:07:44,281
- What, just like Tim Messenger?
- Yes!
1005
01:07:44,364 --> 01:07:45,532
- And George Merchant?
- Yes!
1006
01:07:45,615 --> 01:07:46,867
- And Eve Draper?
- Yes!
1007
01:07:46,950 --> 01:07:48,577
- And Martin Blower?
- No, actually.
1008
01:07:48,702 --> 01:07:50,537
- Really?
- 'Course he fucking was!
1009
01:07:50,620 --> 01:07:52,539
Thank you, Danny.
1010
01:07:52,622 --> 01:07:55,959
Oh, murder, murder, murder.
Change the fucking record.
1011
01:07:56,543 --> 01:07:57,711
Thank you, Andy.
1012
01:07:57,794 --> 01:08:02,048
Come on, Sergeant, you've gotta accept
it was just another nasty accident.
1013
01:08:02,132 --> 01:08:03,216
What are you suggesting?
1014
01:08:03,300 --> 01:08:05,802
That Leslie Tiller tripped
and fell on her own shears?

1015
01:08:05,886 --> 01:08:08,346
Ben Fletcher fell
on his pitchfork the other week.
1016
01:08:08,472 --> 01:08:11,892
Yeah, accidents happen all the time.
What makes you think it was murder?
1017
01:08:11,975 --> 01:08:14,936
- Because I was there!
- There's a point.
1018
01:08:15,061 --> 01:08:16,396
Why were you there?
1019
01:08:16,480 --> 01:08:20,734
I was buying Constable Butterman
a Japanese Peace Lily for his birthday.
1020
01:08:20,817 --> 01:08:23,403
What absolute horseshit.
1021
01:08:23,487 --> 01:08:27,449
I chased a suspect from the scene.
Innocent people don't run!
1022
01:08:27,574 --> 01:08:30,619
Here, maybe it was our old friend,
the cactus thief.
1023
01:08:30,744 --> 01:08:33,413
Oh, yeah, he was a prickly customer,
weren't he?
1024
01:08:34,247 --> 01:08:36,958
Am I going completely mad?
1025
01:08:39,085 --> 01:08:40,754
Maybe you are.
1026
01:08:42,672 --> 01:08:45,425
Maybe you did it.
1027
01:08:45,509 --> 01:08:48,845
Yeah, seeing as how you're such
a big fan of murder.

1028
01:08:48,929 --> 01:08:50,347
- What the...
- Sergeant Angel?
1029
01:08:50,430 --> 01:08:52,933
Yes! Sir.
1030
01:08:55,519 --> 01:08:58,396
Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas.
1031
01:08:58,522 --> 01:09:01,066
What am I going to do with you?
1032
01:09:01,191 --> 01:09:05,695
- Sir, you have to understand...
- No, you have to understand.
1033
01:09:06,696 --> 01:09:10,659
The boys here aren't used
to the concepts you're bandying about.
1034
01:09:11,284 --> 01:09:13,787
The "M" word, Nicholas.
1035
01:09:13,870 --> 01:09:18,083
There hasn't been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.
1036
01:09:18,208 --> 01:09:20,001
But, sir, I'm certain.
1037
01:09:20,544 --> 01:09:23,755
And what's more, I know who did it.
1038
01:09:29,803 --> 01:09:31,721
Can I see the manager, please?
1039
01:09:37,227 --> 01:09:43,191
Mr. Skinner to the Manager's office.
Manager's office. Mr. Skinner.
1040
01:09:43,900 --> 01:09:47,362
Sergeant Angel.
And to what do I owe this pleasure?
1041
01:09:47,487 --> 01:09:51,533

Simon Skinner, I'm arresting you

on suspicion of the murder of Leslie Tiller.
1042
01:09:51,658 --> 01:09:55,078
Leslie Tiller's dead? How?
1043
01:09:55,245 --> 01:09:57,539
She tripped and fell on her own shears.
1044
01:09:59,166 --> 01:10:02,502
I'm also arresting you on suspicion of
the murder of Tim Messenger on May 1st,
1045
01:10:02,586 --> 01:10:04,212
of George Merchant on April 29th
1046
01:10:04,337 --> 01:10:06,882
and of Eve Draper
and Martin Blower on April 28th.
1047
01:10:07,007 --> 01:10:10,969
- Why on earth would I do that, Sergeant?
- I'm glad you asked.
1048
01:10:12,762 --> 01:10:14,890
My suspicions were first aroused
when you appeared
1049
01:10:15,015 --> 01:10:17,767
at the scene of the Blower-Draper death,
on the outskirts of Sandford,
1050
01:10:17,851 --> 01:10:21,688
despite the fact you live and work
in the center of the village.
1051
01:10:22,939 --> 01:10:27,235
I couldn't help but recall your comments
at the theater on the previous evening.
1052
01:10:27,527 --> 01:10:30,447
When you not only indicated
an awareness of the couple's affair
1053
01:10:30,530 --> 01:10:32,532
but also inferred
that Eve's connections at the council

1054
01:10:32,616 --> 01:10:35,577
might make her privy
to important information.
1055
01:10:35,702 --> 01:10:37,954
You even spoke of "bashing her head in."
1056
01:10:38,038 --> 01:10:41,666
Perhaps hoping you might discover
the route of the proposed Sandford Bypass.
1057
01:10:41,792 --> 01:10:43,960
You were already suspicious
that George Merchant was buying up
1058
01:10:44,085 --> 01:10:46,338
a large area of land
on the outskirts of Sandford,
1059
01:10:46,421 --> 01:10:49,382
after an article Tim Messenger
wrote in the Sandford Citizen.
1060
01:10:49,508 --> 01:10:53,136
You see, the land Merchant was buying
had little value in of itself but,
1061
01:10:53,261 --> 01:10:57,140
if it became accessible by road,
it would be a prime location for say,
1062
01:10:57,516 --> 01:10:59,184
a retail park.
1063
01:10:59,267 --> 01:11:01,269
Consumed with concern for your business
1064
01:11:01,353 --> 01:11:03,396
and potential disloyalty
from fickle customers,
1065
01:11:03,522 --> 01:11:06,066
you yourself expressed a wish to behead.
1066
01:11:06,608 --> 01:11:09,277
You killed the competition in cold blood.

1067
01:11:09,361 --> 01:11:11,238
Staging the murders as accidents.
1068
01:11:11,363 --> 01:11:14,407
You used a vehicle removal truck
to stage the Blower-Draper death
1069
01:11:14,533 --> 01:11:16,409
and incinerated an old man
in his own house.
1070
01:11:16,535 --> 01:11:19,704
Covering your tracks with the judicial
application of bacon and beans.
1071
01:11:19,788 --> 01:11:22,749
However, there was a loose end.
1072
01:11:23,792 --> 01:11:25,252
Tim Messenger.
1073
01:11:25,377 --> 01:11:27,504
Splattered before he could share with me
1074
01:11:27,629 --> 01:11:30,549
what he told Leslie Tiller
that very afternoon.
1075
01:11:30,632 --> 01:11:33,468
The true value of her land.
1076
01:11:33,885 --> 01:11:36,763
Upon discovering she was about
to sell up to the developers,
1077
01:11:36,888 --> 01:11:39,683
you brutally murdered her
with her own shears.
1078
01:11:39,766 --> 01:11:44,521
And made good your escape utilizing
your impressive skills as a fun runner.
1079
01:11:50,986 --> 01:11:54,781
Very entertaining. But I rather think
you've been watching too many films.

1080
01:11:56,408 --> 01:11:57,451
He hasn't.
1081
01:11:57,534 --> 01:12:01,288
Why would I kill Leslie?
You clearly aren't aware that we're related.
1082
01:12:01,413 --> 01:12:03,957
Oh, but I am, "Cousin Sissy."
1083
01:12:05,500 --> 01:12:09,796
I'm afraid my nickname of Sissy
is only a revelation to yourself.
1084
01:12:10,088 --> 01:12:13,467
My teenage years studying ballet
are well known.
1085
01:12:13,592 --> 01:12:16,720
- Yeah, Sissy Skinner.
- What a Gaylord.
1086
01:12:16,803 --> 01:12:18,346
Thank you, Andrews.
1087
01:12:18,430 --> 01:12:21,808
Now, despite my comments
about "beheading" customers,
1088
01:12:21,933 --> 01:12:25,437
I personally relish the competition
of another store.
1089
01:12:25,520 --> 01:12:29,149
Anything to energize my workforce.
1090
01:12:30,692 --> 01:12:35,280
And anyway, what makes you think
I could dislodge part of the church roof?
1091
01:12:35,363 --> 01:12:37,824
Or for that matter, stage a car crash?
1092
01:12:37,949 --> 01:12:41,286
It's a well known fact that
the church roof is in dire need of repair.

1093
01:12:41,369 --> 01:12:43,538
And isn't it true
that two of your own employees
1094
01:12:43,622 --> 01:12:46,082
operate the vehicle removal service
for the council?
1095
01:12:46,208 --> 01:12:48,543
Sergeant, this is the 21st Century.
1096
01:12:48,627 --> 01:12:51,546
Many people hold down several jobs.
1097
01:12:51,671 --> 01:12:55,342
I myself host a life drawing class
at the Village Hall.
1098
01:12:55,425 --> 01:12:58,470
Tina here is a table dancer at Flappers.
1099
01:12:58,804 --> 01:13:02,682
Nevertheless, you could have utilized
the vehicle removal truck for your own ends.
1100
01:13:02,808 --> 01:13:04,810
These accusations
are quite meaningless, Sergeant,
1101
01:13:04,893 --> 01:13:07,521
unless you can back them up
with hard evidence.
1102
01:13:07,646 --> 01:13:10,190
Well, you've got me there.
1103
01:13:10,315 --> 01:13:12,275
I'd need something conclusive.
1104
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:14,528
Something that placed you
at the scene of the crime.
1105
01:13:14,653 --> 01:13:18,657
Perhaps a wound you sustained on
a piece of broken glass this very evening.

1106
01:13:20,325 --> 01:13:21,952
This very evening.
1107
01:13:23,245 --> 01:13:26,498
Sergeant, this is beginning
to get embarrassing.
1108
01:13:26,623 --> 01:13:29,751
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?
1109
01:13:32,087 --> 01:13:36,716
I'm sure the store's security footage
will absolve me.
1110
01:13:37,425 --> 01:13:40,095
Do feel free to spool through.
1111
01:13:57,612 --> 01:13:58,655
I can handle this, Danny.
1112
01:13:58,780 --> 01:14:02,033
You might as well go back
and just enjoy the rest of your birthday.
1113
01:14:02,117 --> 01:14:04,703
- Did you really get me that plant?
- Yes, I did.
1114
01:14:04,786 --> 01:14:08,248
But it's been impounded as evidence.
1115
01:14:08,373 --> 01:14:12,961
Well, I mean,
maybe Dad will still let me water it, eh?
1116
01:14:13,044 --> 01:14:14,212
Yeah.
1117
01:14:17,632 --> 01:14:19,050
Sergeant, I wanted you to know that
1118
01:14:19,134 --> 01:14:22,471
if I do indeed now
own the land belonging to...
1119

01:14:24,222 --> 01:14:30,061

belonging to Leslie, that I intend to turn it
into a memorial garden, in her honor.
1120
01:14:30,145 --> 01:14:34,733
Mr. Skinner, what you do with your land
is of no concern of mine,
1121
01:14:37,569 --> 01:14:38,737
so jog on.
1122
01:14:39,654 --> 01:14:44,242
Michael, will you escort the Sergeant
off the premises when he's quite finished?
1123
01:14:44,326 --> 01:14:45,869
Yarp.
1124
01:14:49,039 --> 01:14:53,335
I just can't believe Leslie's dead.
How did it happen?
1125
01:14:53,418 --> 01:14:55,754
She tripped and fell on her own shears.
1126
01:15:03,929 --> 01:15:06,097
Hey, that weren't me.
1127
01:15:14,189 --> 01:15:15,315
Hey, look.
1128
01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:18,110
Look, Mr. Treacher's
got his big coat on again.
1129
01:15:21,822 --> 01:15:26,201
- You want anything from the shop?
- Cornetto.
1130
01:15:28,787 --> 01:15:32,958
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.
1131
01:15:36,378 --> 01:15:39,631
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.
1132

01:15:39,714 --> 01:15:43,051

- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.
1133
01:15:43,135 --> 01:15:47,139
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.
1134
01:15:47,222 --> 01:15:50,475
- What's the matter? You got brain-freeze?
- No, I got brainwave.
1135
01:15:50,559 --> 01:15:52,853
Get us back to the station, now!
1136
01:15:59,818 --> 01:16:01,528
- It's more than one person.
- Come again?
1137
01:16:01,653 --> 01:16:04,489
- It's more than one killer.
- It was Skinner a minute ago.
1138
01:16:04,614 --> 01:16:05,657
Yeah, well, maybe it still is.
1139
01:16:05,740 --> 01:16:08,118
You know, maybe he's... Maybe he's
not alone. Maybe there are others.
1140
01:16:08,243 --> 01:16:13,373
Nicholas, you're an exceptional officer.
But I've seen this before.
1141
01:16:13,832 --> 01:16:16,418
- Sir?
- Sergeant Popwell.
1142
01:16:16,501 --> 01:16:19,337
It was exactly the same thing.
1143
01:16:19,421 --> 01:16:23,842
You've come from a city
where there's danger round every corner,
1144
01:16:24,342 --> 01:16:26,845
and it's driven you round the bend.

1145
01:16:27,345 --> 01:16:28,638
Yes, sir.
1146
01:16:28,930 --> 01:16:32,350
Do yourself a favor. Sleep on it.
1147
01:16:32,434 --> 01:16:38,190
And if you still feel the same in the morning,
I give you my word, I'll get right on to it.
1148
01:16:42,527 --> 01:16:45,447
Hey. Hey, what's happening?
What's going on?
1149
01:16:46,114 --> 01:16:50,035
Nothing, nothing.
I'm just gonna go back to the hotel.
1150
01:16:50,118 --> 01:16:55,624
- I mean, do you want a lift?
- No, no, I could do with a walk.
1151
01:17:59,104 --> 01:18:01,982
Hey, big one, playtime's over.
1152
01:18:06,361 --> 01:18:07,737
Michael?
1153
01:18:08,655 --> 01:18:11,324
Michael? Are you there?
1154
01:18:11,950 --> 01:18:15,996
Michael? Is everything okay?
1155
01:18:18,665 --> 01:18:19,833
Yarp.
1156
01:18:19,958 --> 01:18:22,669
Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?
1157
01:18:22,794 --> 01:18:23,879
Yarp.
1158
01:18:23,962 --> 01:18:26,423
He's not gonna get back up again?

1159
01:18:29,050 --> 01:18:30,343
Narp!
1160
01:18:31,636 --> 01:18:34,181
Good. Proceed to the castle.
1161
01:18:39,436 --> 01:18:41,146
Frank, this shit just got real.
1162
01:18:41,229 --> 01:18:45,025
Skinner just sent someone to kill me,
and, now, now he's gone somewhere.
1163
01:18:45,150 --> 01:18:47,694
Up to the... To the castle, I think.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna go after him.
1164
01:18:47,819 --> 01:18:50,113
Okay? It's Nicholas, by the way.
1165
01:18:52,240 --> 01:18:56,703
Oh, my God.
What happened to your Peace Lily?
1166
01:18:56,995 --> 01:19:00,832
Danny. Danny, just stay here, okay?
And watch him, and call your dad.
1167
01:19:00,957 --> 01:19:03,043
- Tell him I was right.
- What are you gonna do?
1168
01:19:03,126 --> 01:19:07,756
- I'm gonna bust this thing wide open.
- Nicholas, wait.
1169
01:19:07,798 --> 01:19:11,551
- You might need this.
- Thanks, partner.
1170
01:19:44,751 --> 01:19:48,171
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?
1171
01:19:48,255 --> 01:19:51,424
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

1172
01:19:51,508 --> 01:19:54,803
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?
1173
01:19:55,929 --> 01:20:00,058
I just can't believe Leslie's dead.
How did it happen?
1174
01:20:00,183 --> 01:20:03,228
You'll find that we run
a very tight ship here.
1175
01:20:03,353 --> 01:20:05,147
Who could do something like this?
1176
01:20:05,272 --> 01:20:08,608
Seems like Mr. Merchant tried
to have a little fry up and left the gas on.
1177
01:20:08,692 --> 01:20:10,026
Nasty way to go.
1178
01:20:10,152 --> 01:20:11,236
What happened, Danny?
1179
01:20:11,361 --> 01:20:13,155
No luck catching them killers, then?
1180
01:20:13,280 --> 01:20:15,115
No luck catching them killers, then?
1181
01:20:15,198 --> 01:20:17,409
No luck catching them...
1182
01:20:20,871 --> 01:20:23,290
Now, quick announcement before we begin.
1183
01:20:23,373 --> 01:20:27,752
Janet Barker has decided
to call her boys Roger and Martin.
1184
01:20:27,878 --> 01:20:33,133
And the christening will be
a week on Saturday and we're all invited.
1185

01:20:33,383 --> 01:20:35,719

- Tom.
- Thanks, Joyce.
1186
01:20:35,969 --> 01:20:39,055
Now, you'll all be delighted to hear
1187
01:20:39,139 --> 01:20:43,810
that the tenacious Sergeant Angel
has been taken care of.
1188
01:20:43,894 --> 01:20:49,483
Joyce will discover the Sergeant lying
on the wet floor of his bathroom,
1189
01:20:49,566 --> 01:20:53,820
having slipped
and tragically broken his neck.
1190
01:20:53,945 --> 01:20:55,989
So, with the dispatch of the Sergeant,
1191
01:20:56,072 --> 01:21:00,160
we will now be able to concentrate
on the eradication of our hoodie infestation.
1192
01:21:00,243 --> 01:21:01,328
Quite right.
1193
01:21:01,411 --> 01:21:04,873
After which, nothing will stand in our way.
1194
01:21:04,998 --> 01:21:07,834
Oh, I beg to differ, Mr. Weaver.
1195
01:21:07,959 --> 01:21:12,172
Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.
1196
01:21:12,506 --> 01:21:15,675
Sergeant Nicholas Angel.
Sandford Police Service.
1197
01:21:15,801 --> 01:21:18,512
My, he is tenacious, isn't he?
1198
01:21:18,595 --> 01:21:21,473
I'm arresting you under suspicion

of conspiracy to commit murder.

1199
01:21:21,556 --> 01:21:24,351
Oh, come, come, Sergeant.
1200
01:21:24,434 --> 01:21:26,019
You should be ashamed.
1201
01:21:26,103 --> 01:21:29,689
- Calling yourself a community that cares.
- Oh, but we do care, Nicholas.
1202
01:21:29,773 --> 01:21:31,525
It's all about the greater good.
1203
01:21:31,608 --> 01:21:33,110
The greater good.
1204
01:21:33,193 --> 01:21:34,694
How can this be for the greater good?
1205
01:21:34,778 --> 01:21:36,321
The greater good.
1206
01:21:36,446 --> 01:21:38,532
You see, as much as I enjoyed
your wild theories, Sergeant,
1207
01:21:38,615 --> 01:21:40,325
the truth is far less complex.
1208
01:21:40,450 --> 01:21:45,622
Blower's fate was simply the result
of his being an appalling actor.
1209
01:21:47,124 --> 01:21:48,375
Quite appalling.
1210
01:21:48,458 --> 01:21:50,210
You murdered him for that?
1211
01:21:51,294 --> 01:21:53,713
- Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare.
- What?
1212
01:21:53,839 --> 01:21:57,300

The Dramatic Society

is an important feather in our cap.
1213
01:21:57,634 --> 01:21:59,094
Couldn't let
Blower jeopardize that.
1214
01:21:59,219 --> 01:22:01,429
Not when we had two semi-professionals
waiting in the wings.
1215
01:22:01,555 --> 01:22:04,099
Let's not forget that Greg
was an extra in Straw Dogs.
1216
01:22:04,224 --> 01:22:06,059
And Sheree played a cadaver
in Prime Suspect.
1217
01:22:06,143 --> 01:22:07,561
Yes, I know!
1218
01:22:07,644 --> 01:22:10,272
Martin was less concerned
with the reputation of the village
1219
01:22:10,397 --> 01:22:13,567
than he was with his sordid affair
with Eve Draper.
1220
01:22:13,692 --> 01:22:15,235
And so Eve deserved to die too?
1221
01:22:15,318 --> 01:22:17,737
Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.
1222
01:22:17,863 --> 01:22:19,072
Annoying.
1223
01:22:19,156 --> 01:22:21,992
- And, and George Merchant?
- He had an awful house.
1224
01:22:22,325 --> 01:22:23,368
Awful.
1225
01:22:23,493 --> 01:22:25,120

We begged him in vain

to make his residence
1226
01:22:25,203 --> 01:22:27,747
more in keeping
with the village's rustic esthetic.
1227
01:22:28,832 --> 01:22:31,418
And what about Tim Messenger?
What was his crime?
1228
01:22:31,501 --> 01:22:36,214
Tim Messenger's tenure as editor of
the Sandford Citizen has been unbearable.
1229
01:22:36,339 --> 01:22:40,135
Our once great paper had
become riddled with tabloid journalism.
1230
01:22:40,260 --> 01:22:42,179
Not to mention persistent errors.
1231
01:22:42,262 --> 01:22:45,515
- He listed her age as 55.
- When, actually, I'm 53.
1232
01:22:45,599 --> 01:22:47,100
Fifty-three.
1233
01:22:47,184 --> 01:22:48,852
What, what about Leslie Tiller?
One of your own?
1234
01:22:48,935 --> 01:22:51,438
Her horticultural expertise helped
put Sandford on the map.
1235
01:22:51,521 --> 01:22:53,565
Oh, she was ever so good.
1236
01:22:53,690 --> 01:22:55,817
Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame.
1237
01:22:56,109 --> 01:22:59,821
But it seemed she was set on moving away.
1238
01:22:59,946 --> 01:23:03,283

We couldn't have her sharing

her green fingers with anybody else.
1239
01:23:03,366 --> 01:23:05,327
Not least those heathens at Buford Abbey.
1240
01:23:05,452 --> 01:23:08,121
If we can't have her, no one can.
1241
01:23:08,205 --> 01:23:09,748
How can this be for the greater good?
1242
01:23:09,873 --> 01:23:11,875
- The greater good.
- Shut it!
1243
01:23:11,958 --> 01:23:15,128
These people died for no reason.
No reason whatsoever!
1244
01:23:15,212 --> 01:23:17,714
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
1245
01:23:19,466 --> 01:23:20,842
Hello, Nicholas.
1246
01:23:21,968 --> 01:23:23,845
I was like you once.
1247
01:23:24,471 --> 01:23:27,891
I believed in the immutable word of the law.
1248
01:23:28,225 --> 01:23:32,020
That is until the night Mrs. Butterman
was taken from me.
1249
01:23:32,938 --> 01:23:35,607
You see,
no one loved Sandford more than her.
1250
01:23:35,732 --> 01:23:39,694
She was head of the Women's Institute,
chair of the floral committee.
1251
01:23:39,778 --> 01:23:41,863
When they started
the Village of the Year contest,

1252
01:23:41,988 --> 01:23:45,659
she worked round the clock.
I've never seen such dedication.
1253
01:23:47,035 --> 01:23:52,332
On the eve of the adjudicator's arrival,
some travelers moved into Callahan Park.
1254
01:23:53,166 --> 01:23:56,670
Before you could say, "Gypsy scum,"
we were knee-deep in dog muck,
1255
01:23:56,753 --> 01:23:59,089
thieving kids and crusty jugglers.
1256
01:23:59,172 --> 01:24:00,924
Crusty jugglers.
1257
01:24:01,049 --> 01:24:04,094
We lost the title and Irene lost her mind.
1258
01:24:05,095 --> 01:24:09,224
She drove her Datsun Cherry
into Sandford Gorge.
1259
01:24:09,349 --> 01:24:14,438
From that moment on,
I swore that I would do her proud.
1260
01:24:14,771 --> 01:24:19,276
And whatever the cost,
we would make Sandford great again.
1261
01:24:19,609 --> 01:24:21,486
Sir, this doesn't make any sense.
1262
01:24:21,611 --> 01:24:25,449
The adjudicators arrive tomorrow.
We had to get everything ready.
1263
01:24:25,574 --> 01:24:28,243
Are you saying this is all about
winning the Best Village Award?
1264
01:24:28,368 --> 01:24:32,038
This is the best village, Nicholas.

You've seen the people.

1265
01:24:32,122 --> 01:24:36,585
- They're happy, contented.
- They're living in a dream world.
1266
01:24:36,710 --> 01:24:39,296
Sergeant Popwell
thought much the same as you.
1267
01:24:39,379 --> 01:24:41,423
I'm disappointed
you can't see the bigger picture.
1268
01:24:41,548 --> 01:24:43,925
Well, I'm happy to disappoint you, sir.
1269
01:24:44,050 --> 01:24:45,760
And I'm afraid
you're gonna have to come with me.
1270
01:24:45,886 --> 01:24:47,929
You are all gonna have to come with me.
1271
01:24:48,013 --> 01:24:52,100
No, Nicholas, I'm afraid it is you
1272
01:24:52,184 --> 01:24:54,936
who is going to have to come with us.
1273
01:25:02,986 --> 01:25:04,571
Danny, no.
1274
01:25:08,992 --> 01:25:10,452
Back off! Back off!
1275
01:25:10,577 --> 01:25:12,788
Or I swear to God,
you'll be explaining how Danny tripped over
1276
01:25:12,913 --> 01:25:14,331
and accidentally cut off his own head.
1277
01:25:14,414 --> 01:25:16,583
Come on, Nicholas.
You haven't got it in you.

1278
01:25:16,708 --> 01:25:18,001
I mean it!
1279
01:25:21,671 --> 01:25:22,923
Shit!
1280
01:25:37,687 --> 01:25:41,024
Gypsy scum. Travelers.
1281
01:25:41,149 --> 01:25:44,194
Thieving kids. Dog muck.
1282
01:25:46,446 --> 01:25:48,323
Crusty jugglers.
1283
01:25:48,532 --> 01:25:52,119
Crusty jugglers. Crusty jugglers.
1284
01:25:53,036 --> 01:25:54,329
Crusty jugglers.
1285
01:25:54,454 --> 01:25:58,041
There hasn't been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.
1286
01:25:58,125 --> 01:26:01,086
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.
1287
01:26:01,211 --> 01:26:03,713
Spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.
1288
01:26:03,797 --> 01:26:06,591
I'll make sure everyone gets
their just deserts.
1289
01:26:11,721 --> 01:26:14,599
If we don't come down hard
on these clowns...
1290
01:26:14,724 --> 01:26:16,393
We'll get round to it.
1291
01:26:28,655 --> 01:26:29,823
Danny!

1292
01:27:04,775 --> 01:27:06,109
Ta-da.
1293
01:27:06,359 --> 01:27:09,529
- What are you doing?
- Saving your skin.
1294
01:27:11,782 --> 01:27:14,493
- This is murder!
- It's not, it's ketchup.
1295
01:27:14,576 --> 01:27:17,329
I'm not talking about that,
I'm talking about the others.
1296
01:27:17,412 --> 01:27:20,373
- What others?
- The others the NWA have murdered.
1297
01:27:20,415 --> 01:27:21,792
- That's not true.
- It is!
1298
01:27:21,833 --> 01:27:24,044
Dad just said it was his special club, he...
1299
01:27:24,085 --> 01:27:25,962
I thought it was about
rapping people on the knuckles
1300
01:27:26,087 --> 01:27:29,257
- and sending them on their way.
- There are skeletons back there!
1301
01:27:29,341 --> 01:27:30,926
I don't know nothing about no skelingtons.
1302
01:27:31,009 --> 01:27:33,261
- What did you think was happening?
- Not this!
1303
01:27:33,345 --> 01:27:34,471
It's Frank.
1304
01:27:34,596 --> 01:27:36,765
He's appointed himself judge,
jury and executioner.

1305
01:27:36,890 --> 01:27:40,185
- He's not Judge Judy and executioner.
- He is!
1306
01:27:40,268 --> 01:27:43,438
- You've gotta help me take him down.
- I can't.
1307
01:27:44,523 --> 01:27:47,317
He's my dad. Take my car.
1308
01:27:48,401 --> 01:27:51,363
Go back to London.
There's nothing you can do.
1309
01:27:51,488 --> 01:27:52,948
I can come back.
1310
01:27:53,073 --> 01:27:55,158
I can come back,
and I can bring the blue fury
1311
01:27:55,283 --> 01:27:57,285
of the Metropolitan Police Service with me.
1312
01:27:57,369 --> 01:28:00,372
They'll make it disappear.
Who are they gonna believe?
1313
01:28:00,455 --> 01:28:03,208
My dad, or a loony London police officer.
1314
01:28:03,291 --> 01:28:04,835
But it won't be just me, will it?
1315
01:28:04,960 --> 01:28:08,130
We can do it together.
You and me. Partners.
1316
01:28:08,380 --> 01:28:12,134
Forget it, Nicholas. It's Sandford.
1317
01:29:04,269 --> 01:29:05,604
Is that everything? Sir?
1318

01:29:12,110 --> 01:29:15,530

Sir? Sir?
1319
01:29:17,032 --> 01:29:21,244
- Is there anything I can do for you?
- No.
1320
01:29:24,456 --> 01:29:26,750
This is something I have to do myself.
1321
01:29:52,442 --> 01:29:56,279
Another beautiful day in God's country.
1322
01:30:03,954 --> 01:30:05,455
Danny?
1323
01:30:14,506 --> 01:30:15,799
It's...
1324
01:30:21,138 --> 01:30:22,222
Mum!
1325
01:30:33,650 --> 01:30:35,068
What you gonna do?
1326
01:30:35,193 --> 01:30:38,238
Just walk in and arrest the whole village?
1327
01:30:40,031 --> 01:30:41,199
Not exactly.
1328
01:31:14,232 --> 01:31:17,444
Oh, Sergeant Angel?
Someone from London called for you.
1329
01:31:25,577 --> 01:31:27,829
I'll tell them you'll ring them back.
1330
01:31:30,081 --> 01:31:32,250
- Well, that's funny.
- What's that?
1331
01:31:32,751 --> 01:31:35,420
I didn't know we had a mounted division.
1332
01:31:35,504 --> 01:31:37,214

Nobody tells me nothing.

1333
01:31:53,605 --> 01:31:55,398
Wanna do something useful?
1334
01:32:04,866 --> 01:32:09,788
Annette, that Sergeant Angel's
back. Check out his horse.
1335
01:32:10,789 --> 01:32:12,707
Roger that!
1336
01:32:14,459 --> 01:32:17,420
- It's...
- Angel.
1337
01:33:28,700 --> 01:33:29,868
Morning.
1338
01:34:53,452 --> 01:34:55,370
That's what I'm talking about.
1339
01:35:10,302 --> 01:35:12,471
Still feel like you're missing out?
1340
01:35:39,122 --> 01:35:40,540
Fascist!
1341
01:35:57,140 --> 01:35:58,308
Hag!
1342
01:36:16,827 --> 01:36:20,497
Stop! Stop this, please!
1343
01:36:21,164 --> 01:36:24,543
Let us stop this mindless violence.
1344
01:36:25,836 --> 01:36:27,838
Nicholas, my son.
1345
01:36:29,005 --> 01:36:32,926
You may not be a man of God,
but surely you're a man of peace.
1346
01:36:33,009 --> 01:36:38,765
I may not be a man of God, Reverend,

but I know right, and I know wrong,

1347
01:36:39,516 --> 01:36:42,060
and I have the good grace
to know which is which.
1348
01:36:42,185 --> 01:36:45,188
Oh, fuck off, Grasshopper.
1349
01:36:46,773 --> 01:36:48,233
No!
1350
01:36:49,443 --> 01:36:51,194
Jesus Christ!
1351
01:36:51,695 --> 01:36:53,697
Nicholas! Nicholas!
1352
01:37:00,036 --> 01:37:01,788
I thought you was a goner.
1353
01:37:01,872 --> 01:37:03,582
Drop your weapons!
1354
01:37:04,207 --> 01:37:06,626
- Dr. Hatcher, no!
- Shut up, Danny.
1355
01:37:07,627 --> 01:37:11,131
I brought you into this world,
I think it's rather fitting
1356
01:37:11,214 --> 01:37:14,050
I should be the one to take you out of it.
1357
01:37:14,384 --> 01:37:18,221
You and your interfering little friend.
1358
01:37:18,722 --> 01:37:19,848
Now...
1359
01:37:24,227 --> 01:37:25,479
drop them.
1360
01:37:41,995 --> 01:37:46,124
- You're a doctor, deal with it.

- Yeah, motherfucker.
1361
01:37:46,750 --> 01:37:49,085
- Danny, let's roll.
- What you thinking?
1362
01:37:51,087 --> 01:37:52,172
Pub?
1363
01:38:52,315 --> 01:38:54,276
Roy!
1364
01:38:54,985 --> 01:38:58,029
Somebody call the police!
1365
01:38:58,155 --> 01:38:59,281
Freeze!
1366
01:39:02,159 --> 01:39:04,995
Officers, arrest that man.
1367
01:39:05,495 --> 01:39:08,665
- Danny, step away from the Sergeant.
- No, Dad.
1368
01:39:09,082 --> 01:39:11,460
Danny, you'll do as you're told.
1369
01:39:11,585 --> 01:39:14,045
I'm not taking orders from you anymore.
1370
01:39:14,171 --> 01:39:17,632
- Officers, arrest these men!
- Wait, wait!
1371
01:39:17,757 --> 01:39:18,842
You can arrest us if you like.
1372
01:39:18,925 --> 01:39:21,553
You can throw us in prison and go back
to being blind, submissive slaves.
1373
01:39:21,678 --> 01:39:23,472
Or you can be real police officers,
1374
01:39:23,597 --> 01:39:25,766

and help us bring an end

to this absurd story.
1375
01:39:25,849 --> 01:39:28,018
What the fuck is he on about?
1376
01:39:28,101 --> 01:39:29,311
Fuck are you on about?
1377
01:39:29,436 --> 01:39:32,022
Have you ever wondered
why the crime rate in Sandford is so low?
1378
01:39:32,105 --> 01:39:35,901
- And yet the accident rate, it's so high?
- No. Yeah. What?
1379
01:39:36,026 --> 01:39:37,861
You've been brainwashed, Tony.
1380
01:39:37,944 --> 01:39:41,198
Brainwashed into naivety by an old man
with a murderous obsession.
1381
01:39:41,281 --> 01:39:46,203
- This is ridiculous.
- No, it's not, Dad. It's very unridiculous.
1382
01:39:46,286 --> 01:39:49,331
And it's only now that I'm starting to realize
how unridiculous it all is.
1383
01:39:49,456 --> 01:39:50,916
Silence, Danny!
1384
01:39:51,374 --> 01:39:54,169
- Think of your mother.
- Mum is dead, Dad.
1385
01:39:55,378 --> 01:39:58,757
For the first time in my life,
you know, I'm glad.
1386
01:39:58,882 --> 01:40:01,218
If she could see what you've become,
1387
01:40:01,301 --> 01:40:05,430

I think she'd probably kill herself

all over again.
1388
01:40:05,555 --> 01:40:07,099
Sorry, I am completely lost.
1389
01:40:07,224 --> 01:40:08,850
Sandford is a lie, Doris.
1390
01:40:08,975 --> 01:40:12,354
For the last 20 years, the village
has been controlled by Frank and the NWA.
1391
01:40:12,479 --> 01:40:14,898
They've lulled everyone
into thinking this is a perfect village
1392
01:40:14,981 --> 01:40:17,776
and killed anyone
who's threatened to change that.
1393
01:40:25,408 --> 01:40:27,494
I reckon he's got something there.
1394
01:40:28,995 --> 01:40:31,957
He says,
"He reckons you got something there."
1395
01:40:32,082 --> 01:40:33,291
I know.
1396
01:40:33,416 --> 01:40:36,628
You're not seriously gonna
believe this man, are you?
1397
01:40:36,753 --> 01:40:39,798
Are you? He isn't even from round here.
1398
01:40:43,760 --> 01:40:47,973
Maybe it's time to give it up, sir.
1399
01:40:49,683 --> 01:40:52,227
You incompetent flatfoots!
1400
01:41:01,361 --> 01:41:04,030
Officer Walker, stay here with Saxon
and hold everything down.

1401
01:41:04,114 --> 01:41:05,240
Fair enough.
1402
01:41:05,365 --> 01:41:07,367
Officers, let's go.
1403
01:41:08,368 --> 01:41:10,704
- What about Dad?
- He'll come round again.
1404
01:41:11,037 --> 01:41:12,831
Want anything from the shop?
1405
01:41:30,640 --> 01:41:31,808
- What you thinking?
- Well...
1406
01:41:31,892 --> 01:41:33,894
We should strike now,
while we've got the element of surprise.
1407
01:41:33,977 --> 01:41:35,771
Longer we wait,
more time they've got to mobilize.
1408
01:41:35,896 --> 01:41:38,648
I say we go in through the front entrance,
take the place aisle by aisle.
1409
01:41:38,732 --> 01:41:40,609
They won't be expecting that.
1410
01:41:41,234 --> 01:41:42,903
Very good. What he said.
1411
01:41:45,155 --> 01:41:48,366
My, my. Here come the fuzz.
1412
01:41:50,577 --> 01:41:53,371
- Maybe they're not here.
- Wait here.
1413
01:41:53,497 --> 01:41:57,000
- Don't go in on your own.
- Don't worry, he knows what he's doing.

1414
01:41:59,920 --> 01:42:01,546
Okay. They're in.
1415
01:42:01,671 --> 01:42:04,758
You deal with the store.
I'll deal with the trolley boy.
1416
01:42:14,101 --> 01:42:18,563
No, listen. Wait, wait, wait, Michael,
wait, listen to me. Listen, listen.
1417
01:42:18,772 --> 01:42:21,316
Is this what you really, really want?
1418
01:42:21,608 --> 01:42:22,734
Yarp.
1419
01:42:23,110 --> 01:42:24,319
Suit yourself.
1420
01:42:33,036 --> 01:42:34,704
Go, go, go.
1421
01:42:37,124 --> 01:42:39,209
Oh, come on.
1422
01:42:51,555 --> 01:42:53,390
Andy!
1423
01:42:56,143 --> 01:42:59,104
It's all right, Andy. It's just Bolognese!
1424
01:43:59,539 --> 01:44:01,500
- How's Lurch?
- He's in the freezer.
1425
01:44:01,625 --> 01:44:03,960
- Did you say, "Cool off"?
- No, I didn't say anything, actually.
1426
01:44:04,085 --> 01:44:05,754
Shame.
1427
01:44:05,837 --> 01:44:07,255
There was a bit earlier on that you missed

1428
01:44:07,339 --> 01:44:08,924
when I distracted him
with the cuddly monkey.
1429
01:44:09,007 --> 01:44:11,802
And then I said, "Playtime's over,"
and I hit him with the Peace Lily.
1430
01:44:11,927 --> 01:44:13,970
You're off the fucking chain!
1431
01:44:14,096 --> 01:44:17,557
- What's the situation?
- Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery.
1432
01:44:17,682 --> 01:44:19,059
What do you reckon?
1433
01:44:22,437 --> 01:44:23,605
Idea.
1434
01:44:47,295 --> 01:44:48,797
Good work, everyone.
1435
01:44:58,557 --> 01:45:01,518
- Nice one, Doris.
- Nothing like a bit of girl on girl.
1436
01:45:04,229 --> 01:45:06,273
Fruit attack!
1437
01:45:07,065 --> 01:45:09,901
Can you handle this, Sergeant Fisher?
We're gonna go after the big boss.
1438
01:45:09,985 --> 01:45:11,903
We're on it, Sergeant.
1439
01:45:12,404 --> 01:45:14,197
- Danny, let's rock.
- Angel!
1440
01:45:14,322 --> 01:45:16,032
Don't go being a twat now.
1441
01:45:16,324 --> 01:45:18,577

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.

1442
01:45:25,834 --> 01:45:27,377
- We should get down there.
- How?
1443
01:45:27,502 --> 01:45:29,880
Skip.
1444
01:45:35,844 --> 01:45:38,889
- Head them off?
- Fuck, yeah.
1445
01:45:50,192 --> 01:45:53,820
- I'll drive.
- Shotgun! Punch that shit!
1446
01:46:37,656 --> 01:46:39,199
Bang! Bang!
1447
01:46:45,163 --> 01:46:46,498
Swan!
1448
01:47:05,934 --> 01:47:07,018
Swan!
1449
01:47:34,546 --> 01:47:38,717
Stay back! Or the ginger nut gets it!
1450
01:47:40,635 --> 01:47:43,221
You little fucker!
1451
01:48:19,007 --> 01:48:23,303
Get out of my village!
1452
01:48:29,267 --> 01:48:31,770
It's not your village anymore.
1453
01:48:48,620 --> 01:48:50,455
- You did good, kid.
- Ta.
1454
01:48:50,539 --> 01:48:52,791
- What's your name?
- Aaron A. Aaronson.
1455

01:48:53,208 --> 01:48:54,668

Sorry?
1456
01:48:56,628 --> 01:49:03,260
Angel!
1457
01:49:21,153 --> 01:49:22,487
It's over, Danny.
1458
01:49:23,905 --> 01:49:25,073
It's over.
1459
01:49:28,910 --> 01:49:34,166
This really hurts.
1460
01:49:34,249 --> 01:49:39,671
I'm going to need some ice-cream.
1461
01:49:39,755 --> 01:49:42,924
Yeah, well, don't worry.
There's plenty of ice-cream at the station.
1462
01:49:43,008 --> 01:49:44,176
Isn't that right, Danny?
1463
01:49:45,427 --> 01:49:46,553
Stay back!
1464
01:49:46,678 --> 01:49:50,098
- Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!
- Now, now.
1465
01:49:50,432 --> 01:49:52,184
We don't want any more bloodshed.
1466
01:49:52,267 --> 01:49:55,020
Frank, this whole thing started
because you lost somebody you loved.
1467
01:49:55,103 --> 01:49:57,022
Don't expect me to believe
you'd let it end the same way.
1468
01:49:57,105 --> 01:49:59,649
I'll tell you how this is gonna end!
1469

01:50:42,234 --> 01:50:44,402

I feel like I should say something smart.
1470
01:50:44,486 --> 01:50:47,280
You don't have to say anything at all.
1471
01:50:59,167 --> 01:51:02,587
Satisfactory conclusion
to the whole operation.
1472
01:51:02,671 --> 01:51:06,675
Now, my perfect Sunday would begin with...
1473
01:51:12,013 --> 01:51:13,432
What do you say, Nicholas?
1474
01:51:13,515 --> 01:51:15,725
We... We...
We have been trying to reach you for days.
1475
01:51:15,851 --> 01:51:18,979
- Yeah, well, I've been kind of busy.
- We need you back.
1476
01:51:19,104 --> 01:51:22,899
The figures have gone a little squiffy
in your absence, it has to be said.
1477
01:51:23,024 --> 01:51:24,109
Come back to London.
1478
01:51:24,192 --> 01:51:27,446
Sandford's hardly a fitting place
for such an exceptional officer.
1479
01:51:27,529 --> 01:51:30,240
Yeah, well, the thing is, sir.
1480
01:51:31,199 --> 01:51:32,951
I kind of like it here.
1481
01:51:33,034 --> 01:51:36,413
Besides, we have to do
a considerable amount of paperwork.
1482
01:52:06,818 --> 01:52:07,903
- Fuck's sake, Nick, this is gonna take ages.

- Yeah, it's gonna take all night.

1483
01:52:07,903 --> 01:52:08,904
Well, good job
we've got the manpower, Andy?
1484
01:52:09,237 --> 01:52:13,492
Well, official vocab guidelines state
that we say "staffing," not "manpower,"
1485
01:52:13,575 --> 01:52:16,244
'cause "manpower's" a bit sexist.
1486
01:52:18,663 --> 01:52:20,415
You don't mind a bit
of manpower do you, Doris?
1487
01:52:20,540 --> 01:52:22,834
Oh, dirty bastard!
1488
01:52:24,628 --> 01:52:25,754
Andy!
1489
01:52:25,879 --> 01:52:27,881
You cheeky fucker!
1490
01:52:36,640 --> 01:52:38,558
You know what you are?
1491
01:52:39,392 --> 01:52:41,061
A bloody busybody!
1492
01:52:46,900 --> 01:52:49,152
No!
1493
01:53:03,667 --> 01:53:04,835
Oh, God, no!
1494
01:53:28,108 --> 01:53:29,359
Danny!
1495
01:53:31,862 --> 01:53:32,988
Danny!
1496
01:53:34,030 --> 01:53:35,198
Oh, God.

1497
01:53:35,282 --> 01:53:36,908
Hold on, Danny, just hold on.
1498
01:53:37,033 --> 01:53:39,744
Hold on, it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.
1499
01:53:40,370 --> 01:53:43,123
Just hang on, hang on!
1500
01:53:43,623 --> 01:53:45,417
Everything's gonna be fine.
1501
01:53:46,710 --> 01:53:48,462
Everything's gonna be fine.
1502
01:53:48,962 --> 01:53:50,756
Everything's gonna be fine.
1503
01:53:51,548 --> 01:53:53,550
Everything's gonna be just fine.
1504
01:54:32,255 --> 01:54:33,298
Hope these are okay.
1505
01:54:36,426 --> 01:54:39,805
Yeah. They're lovely.
1506
01:54:49,356 --> 01:54:52,526
- Any officers near the church?
- Go ahead, Doris.
1507
01:54:52,609 --> 01:54:54,319
Chief, we've had a report
of some hippy types
1508
01:54:54,444 --> 01:54:56,863
messing with the recycling bins
at the supermarket.
1509
01:54:56,947 --> 01:54:58,657
- Leave it with us.
- Righto.
1510
01:54:58,782 --> 01:55:02,869

Sergeant Butterman,
little hand says it's time to rock and roll.
1511
01:55:03,120 --> 01:55:04,663
Bring the noise.